So, Vera Farmiga (and other thoughts on The Prevue Channel, Gerard Butler's career and roaches)

Sometimes I just have random stuff to say, and Coffee Drinker Mindy D'A is always quick to tell me these posts are her favorites...

As the figure skating comes out, someway, somehow, at least once during the night I will shout (sometimes to The Lovely Steph Leann's annoyance) "Toe Pick!" in a high, shrill voice, just like that "Cutting Edge" movie.

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When I see figure skating pairs, I'm convinced that the two are romantically involved... but I'm equally as convinced the guy is gay.  How does that skating paradox work?...

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 So... men's figure skaters.  Is is a shirt?  Is it a blouse?  Is there a difference in the two?

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In that contest where you can win a trip to the Olympics for the rest of your life, I'm picturing every executive on the edge of their seats when the winner is drawn... "What? He's 88 years old? Whew! That would have totally been crappy if some 27 year old won this thing!"

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After years of announcing the Olympics, Bob Costas must know more random, useless geography facts than anyone in the history of the world.  "And here comes the Dutch team.  Of course, we know that the Dutch town of Leeuwarden can be spelled 225 different ways..."

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We were having dinner at The Campbell Home a few nights ago, and The Lovely Steph Leann noticed in a Wal-Mart flier that "The Biggest Loser" for the Wii game was on sale for $29.99.  I just happened to have a $30 Wal-Mart gift card burning a hole in my pocket, so a few days later, I purchased it.  The next night, I pointed it out to her, told her that I thought she might like it, we could do it together and so forth.   And what did we do later that night?  You guessed it. 

Sat on the couch, ate Girl Scout cookies and watched television, Wii game still in the wrapper on the end table.

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My latest "Crappy Movie With Mikey" movie was "Law Abiding Citizen".  This film stars Gerard Butler as Clyde Shelton, a man who watches his family get senselessly murdered in a robbery, then watches the leader of the crime roll over on the not-as-violent partner and essentially get off on a technicality.  Years later, he sets out to get revenge on everyone who allowed this to happen.  Jamie Foxx portrays Nick Rice, the fledgling district attorney who is trying to stop him from killing more people.

The first part of the movie is intriguing... a man set on vengeance for the slaughter of his family, he's in prison, yet how is he still getting these assassinations completed?  The game is afoot.  The second half of the film, when Clyde's resources and back story is revealed, sort of... well, completely falls apart.  It goes from a "What would I do in this situation?  Would I want revenge too" kind of thinking movie to a "Wow.  That's kind of a stretch.  Wow, now that is really a stretch.  Wow, that's kind of ridiculous" kind of thinking movie. 

Its full of violence and F-Bombs, and really, its 2 hours that you could spent elsewhere, unless you are just jonesing to see this movie or Gerard Butler.  It does have a really cool death, though, involving a cell phone and a judge.

And what happened to Gerard Butler, anyway?  Remember him in "300"?  He was this awesome dude that was in "Phantom of the Opera", and he was this guy that we all just knew was going to have a rockin' big career full of action flicks and great starring roles... and then he did "P.S. I Love You"... and then he did "The Ugly Truth"... and then he did "Nim's Island"... really, Gerard?  Really? 

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Ever seen the movie "Creepshow"?  Its not a terrible film, its meant to be a little schlocky and campy--its a series of vignettes from a horror comic book, with the screenplay written by Stephen King.   My favorite of the stories is entitled "Something to Tide You Over", and it features Leslie Nielsen (!) as a bad guy who, at least in the beginning, gets the best of Ted Danson and his woman. 

The most disturbing of all of the shorts, however, is the last one, called "They're Creeping Up On You".  Essentially, a mean, bad man who suffers from Mysophobia and lives in a sealed off, germ-free apartment has a problem with roaches.  A very, very big problem.

Though in now-over 2 years at The Cabana, I have yet to see a roach, we'd routinely see them at The Deuce.  Its not that our apartment was dirty (stop laughing), but in the neighborhood, plus with the roommates and the rest of the world visiting, it happens.  Even then, though, when I saw a cockroach in The Deuce, I could get it sometimes... other times, it would escape behind behind something and disappears.  So I'd go to bed, knowing that cockroach was alive and well, sometimes in my room.  And, thinking back to "Creepshow", I just knew that that stupid roach was talking with talking with 4,000 of his children and friends, making plans for a revolution.  Viva la 'cacaroacha! 

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When I go onto the iTunes store, I look at the section that says "Recommendations For You".  I'm assuming iTunes bases this on music I've listened to recently, and maybe listen to on a regular basis.  This time around?  They recommend the soundtrack to "Kung Fu Panda", albums by Madonna, The Police,  and They Might Be Giants and singles by Taylor Swift, the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Julie Andrews, The Kinks and some guy named Marco Marnengeli.  So not only am I actually 14 years old, I'm apparently living in 1986.

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If you actually punched some random guy after seeing one of those new Volkswagens, chances are you'd get punched back, regardless of the color.

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Anyone remember Gatorade Fruit Punch, or Grape, or Lemon Lime?  Life was easy then.  Now its all kind of weird flavors and concoctions like G2 and Elite and Mountain Blast and Shock & Awe.  I miss Fruit Punch.

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Along that same lines, anyone remember when The Prevue Channel existed?   Covering most of the screen, it did nothing but scroll what was on every other channel... and when nothing was on TV, you left it on The Prevue Channel--for hours at a time.  It would show commercials and trailers for movies coming on HBO and network television, but it was great background noise.

Says EW.com.... It's TV more hypnotizing than Peter Jennings' baritone. More riveting than bouncing Baywatch body parts. It's the Prevue Channel -- that excruciatingly slow scroll that lists what's on the tube's every channel. All My Children... Tennis...Pictionary...and on and on. Some folks tune in for actual information -- and tear their hair out with impatience. Me, I like the Prevue Channel as a mesmerizing end in itself -- my own electronic lava lamp. I savor the endless, repetitive looping. The fun bubbles of red that denote premium channels. The cryptic, haiku-like movie descriptions. (''Deconstructing Harry: A prominent author is plagued with writer's block and numerous personal problems.'') But my favorite moment has to be when the Prevue Channel scrolls by the listing for the Prevue Channel itself, and I learn that I am watching... previews. What a gorgeously self-referential moment! What a brilliant metaphor for our onanistic media culture! -- from 1998

Now?  We have The TV Guide channel, and I can't watch it.  The scrolling part--which is why you'd turn it on the TV Guide channel in the first place--takes about 1/4 of the screen, showing maybe 3 or 4 shows at a time.  Then, they've got their own programming, plus they show other channel's shows, so you end up getting caught up in this girl who's makeover is going to have her end up looking like Reese Witherspoon, even though she looks, and will look, nothing like Reese Witherspoon, you watch anyway, and then you realize you were waiting to see what was on TNT, and you realize you just missed it, and you have to wait for it to scroll again...

Or you can just pick up your remote and use the guide function and look to see what time "Law & Order" comes on.  I can answer that, though... probably 10am, 2pm, 3pm, 7pm and 9pm.  That's just a guess.

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When you are trying to merge in front of me, you have about 2 or 3 seconds to do so.  Then, I'm moving up, cause I got stuff to do.  Hey!  Don't merge in front of me now, you had your chance, so back off.

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Dear seatbelt... please note the difference between "about to hit a brick wall head-on" and "trying to adjust in my seat".

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For that matter, Dear Automatic Flushing Toilet... please note the difference between "I'm done here" and "trying to adjust in my seat".  That water is cold. 

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So, Vera Farmiga.  She's one of the two lead actresses in "Up in the Air"... I say "lead", even though she and Anna Kendrick are both nominated for an Academy Award for Supporting Actress.  I loved this film, every single minute of it, and though its rare for me to feel this way, I would have been happy with a few more minutes. 

It tells the story of Ryan Bingham, played by also-nominated George Clooney, who's job is to travel all over the country and be the mediator when a company wants to lay people off.   Natalie (Kendrick) is a new recruit who's developed a system of eliminating the travel--firing via satellite.  Bingham convinces their boss (a great Jason Bateman) that Natalie needs to learn how its really done, so she's sent with him across the country to teach her how to do it face-to-face.

Along the way, Ryan keeps running into Alex (Vermiga), who is another frequent flier, and they develop a relationship in hotel rooms and where ever they can find a place... but of course, there might be real feelings there after a while.   Jason Reitman, director of "Juno", wrote and directed this flick.

On December 29th, 2009, I realized I had not seen this film, and wanted to get it in before 2010 began, mostly so I could include it The 100 Coolest Things of 2009 (and its on the list, high up).  The only night available that week?  New Year's Eve.   So, sometime later in the evening, with no particular New Year's Eve plans (remember when what you were doing for New Year's Eve was a big deal?  Like, you had plans for weeks of who's house to be at during the stroke of midnight, or when you were single, who you'd be with or hope to be with, or maybe you'd have the big bash at your house, hoping all your friends would come over, and maybe, just maybe The Official Clouds in My Coffee Troy State Crush Tiffany Abbott would show up and... where was I?  Yeah...) we figured, why not go see the film. 

It was a 2+ hour movie, with a start time of 10pm, and much to our delight, the theater was empty.  Completely empty.  We kicked back, threw our feet up and enjoyed being able to talk louder... until someone walked in, a woman who came in and sat about four rows ahead of us, all by herself.  Don't know how it happened, who knows how stuff like this happens, but The Lovely Steph Leann and I ended up chatting with her, and finally, I said, "...you're Andrea Lindenberg... NBC, right?"  She said, "Yeah, that's me!" and I shared with her that I worked there for a while, and we chatted about that and so on.

It seems that Andrea's kids were seeing something else, but she didn't want to see it so she came in here.   The movie began, and about 2 hours later, I looked at my watch and said aloud, "Happy New Year" to chuckles from the woman four rows ahead of me and the woman to my left. 

Back to the movie... it does have language, and one seen where you see a nude woman's back, but that's it... and yeah, I loved it.  I am eager to see it again when it hopefully comes to the Ghetto Theater here in town.  Not only did it have airplanes and airports, which I strangely am fascinated with, it had George Clooney, who like Brad Pitt, I contend if given the right material is a phenomenal actor, it had the cutie-patootie Anna Kendrick, who was the only thing that kept me alive during the movie "Twilight", it had great writing, it had likable, if not sympathetic characters, it featured appearances from the cool voiced Sam Elliott, the comedic Danny McBride, the always awesome JK Simmons, "The Hangover"'s Zach Galifianakis and the I-am-strangely-enthralled-with Melanie Lynskey, and... it had Vera Farmiga.

So, Vera Farmiga.   I think I'm categorizing her with Jennifer Garner and applying the McGriddle Effect.  I cannot decide if Vera is drop dead gorgeous or just pretty at all.  There really is no in-between. 

Alright.  Gotta go to The Happiest Place in the Mall.

The 100 Coolest Things of 2009... 100 to 91

Here we go...  by the way, there are several videos on this post--if you reading this in Facebook, then click over to Clouds in My Coffee, so you can see everything properly.  Then come back to Facebook, search Clouds in My Coffee and become a fan!  We're 110 strong!  Let's be 113!  Yeah!

#100... Pixar Fulfills a Wish
Simply put, a little girl's dying wish was to see "Up".  Pixar heard the story, and they sent a representative to the little girl's house with a copy, before the movie was even released.  With her eyes unable to even open, her mom described for her what was happening--her mom, who had no idea the movie itself dealt with a death.  The rep left lots of Disney and Pixar swag, and after the movie, left with the copy.  The little girl died later that day.  And I love this story because Pixar didn't announce it, they didn't publicize it, they only did it because it was the right thing to do.  The mom told the story.  You can read the full story here... its sad... but its great that a company in today's day and age would be so kind.

#99... "Fireflies" by Owl City
I've heard its about a dream... I've heard that maybe its some sort of trippy drug reference... me?  I remember an area of Troy's golf course, an area that, when visited after dark at a certain time of the year, its just full of buzzy fireflies, too many to count.  My friends and I called it Firefly Junction.  Never slept out, there, though--the dew was too much.  Anyway, this song makes me smile, whatever its about.  MZ told me its her favorite song of the year... its not mine, but it does make the list.  Here's the sample (it will ask to open iTunes if you have it, otherwise you can hear it on the Apple page)

98... A Real Life High School Musical
Just like in the south, there are high school rivalries everywhere.  This one pitted Shorewood High against nearby Shorecrest High in a video contest up in Seattle--Mindy D'A!  Why didn't you tell me about this?!?!

The rules were simple... film a music video (lip sync, now termed a "Lip Dub"), one single take, one single shot, and involve everyone.  Shorecrest struck first, with a rendition of "Hey Ya".   You know, its pretty good... its kinda funny, with some guy in a Power Ranger costume, among other random things.  They seemed like they practiced quite a bit for it, and a bunch of high school chicks (Paging Wooderson, paging Mr. David Wooderson) shaking it like a Polaroid Picture.

Then Shorewood did theirs.  And in my mind, there is no contest.  After seeing "(500) Days of Summer", they elected to go with a video of "You Make My Dreams Come True" by Hall & Oates.   I don't know how long they practiced it, but according to the story on Obama-TV, "Shorewood responded by popping open a can of "Hall & Oates" whoop-a**".  (That's just a fun line, ain't it?)

They filmed it, then played and synced it BACKWARDS.  So the paper airplanes are flying backwards, everyone is jumping up onto their chairs backwards, people are walking forward, which means they are walking backwards in real life, the swimming team in speedos (!) is running backwards, people are singing BACKWARDS.  This is brilliant!  The lead guy spent tons of time learning the lines backwards and getting them lined up with the music.   The link to the first one is above, you can watch it, then watch the one below, and judge for yourself. 

Oh, and challenge yourself... try NOT to smile and sing along.  Its quite difficult.



Come on Samson!  Can't you challenge Geneva, or Kinston or Zion Chapel in a Lib Dub Throwdown?  Let's do it, Tigers!

And, just as I'd like to find ways to use the phrase "Read the rules, shankapotamus", I also would like to find a way to somehow "Pop open a can of 'Hall & Oates' whoop-a**" in real life.  Ah, dreams.

97... "The Hammer"
As I watched about 50 movies this year, they are abundant on this list.  And this is the first of 25 on the list, not counting actors or performances.

This was written and produced by Adam Carolla--you might remember him from "The Man Show", a show that I never really watched (any show that featured women called "Juggies" probably wasn't a show that I really should have made appointment TV), but that doesn't take away from the fact Adam is hilarious.  His podcast ranks high on this list, and I had heard about his movie, so I got it on Netflix.

Its really a simple story of a Jerry, a carpenter who was a former boxer, and was brought back into the ring to train and try and make the upcoming Olympic boxing team.  He's going up against several much younger prospects, including Robert, a rising boxing star.  He's also up against the manager, who sees Jerry as nothing more than a sparring and training partner for Robert, who he really wants in the Olympics.  There's also a small love story plot, featuring Heather Juergensen as Lindsay, though that side story is small, remains cute and doesn't distract from the overall Olympic boxing theme.

I really liked this movie... as Carolla has ranted about on his own podcast, the movie is Rated R, but for no good reason.  It's listed as "violence", but its a BOXING movie.  I think there might be one single F-bomb, maybe two, but I don't remember... other than that, its probably a movie that I'd watch with Campbell Isaiah if it came out, without much worry about bad things happening onscreen. 



Just in a sidenote, Carolla is opposite Juergensen, and in one scene, they kiss, just like many movies feature.  Well, Carolla is good friends with fellow writer Kevin Hench, who is married to Juergensen.  This would like me writing a movie with my buddy Mikey, then starring and (stage)kissing his wife Ashley.  That would be weird.  I mean, good for her and all, but weird, nonetheless.

96... Steak Tartare at the Stadium
Love this commercial, mostly because of the last three seconds, which always make me laugh



95... "Gran Torino"
This was classic Eastwood, in his grizzly, old, gnarly best.   Here's what I said on a post from May 25th...

This is a movie that really, only Clint Eastwood could star in. Clint plays Walt, a gruff, tough widower who has been living in his house forever, and isn't too happy to see the Hmong Asian family move in next door. He warms up slowly, mostly due to the persistence of Sue, the teenage girl, and her brother Thao.


The family sees trouble when a local Hmong gang pressures Thao to join them, going to the point of assault and threats. Walt gets involved, against his better judgement, and a whole lot of bad things happen before the final scene of the movie, including one that made me sigh, and thank heavens that The Lovely Steph Leann didn't see what I just saw.

Excellent film, but full of language and violence.


94... "Empire State of Mind" by Jay Z, featuring Alicia Keys
I've never been a huge Jay-Z fan, and I've never been at peace just because "a Jay-Z song was on!  a Jay-Z song was on!" in a taxi cab.  This song, however, is great and its in a large part to Alicia Keys soaring vocals... chick's got some pipes. 

Anyone who knows me knows I have a deep affection for New York City, so I really enjoyed this tune--its fairly clean, except for the language that Jay-Z usually puts in his music, and it gives nods to everything from the Knicks to the McDonalds to Tribeca to "long live the World Trade". 

You can click here to sample it (if you have iTunes, it will ask to open it, if you don't, you can hear it on the page)

93... Tracy Jones

Going to a new place to work is never easy, and having traveled the Starbucks roads for almost seven years, I've had to do it many times.  When you go to a store that is... well, not reallyclickish, but kinda that way when you get there, its even harder to break through. 

And then I got to know Tracy, who is a shift at night.  We're about the same age, with much of the same life, and work, experience.  In Starbucks, you don't find a ton of baristas over 30, so when you do, you connect with them in a way that its hard to connect with a 19 year old.  When you say "A-Team" and they say "What is that?", you know that a connection hasn't been made.

Anyway, without writing a memorium, Tracy has been great to work with this year, and I take my hat off to her for making my transition earlier this year much easier than it could have been.

92... "Blue Harvest"
Yes, yes, it took me this long to see Blue Harvest.  But it was awesome when I did.  You have to be a Family Guy fan to appreciate it, and really, it helps to be a Star Wars fan as well, but I finally downloaded it, and its absolutely hysterical...



91... The Slapchop Rap
Who doesn't want them a slapchop after watching this video?  I'll be honest with ya... you do a Broadway song to sell a Snuggie, and The Lovely Steph Leann is at Target in five minutes trying to find one.



Vince Offer, the guy in the video, is a pitchman, just like the LATE GREAT BILLY MAYS (written in all caps as a yelling honor to Mr. Mays), and has done the Slap Chop infomercial.  There's some controversy surrounding hm, as BILLY MAYS claims that the Slap Chop came after the Quick Chop, which BILLY MAYS advertised, but Vince Offer stole the marketing and the infomercial demo ideas.  Who knew there were Info-Wars?

Born as Offer Shlomi in Israel, he's got a track record of bad lawsuits and terrible police run-ins, including one where he slap chopped a prostitute and was charged with assault. 

DJ Steve Porter made a music video remix of the original Slap Chop infomercial, dubbing it "Rap Chop".  After posting it to YouTube on April 25, 2009, it quickly spread over the internet. As of September 4, 2009, it has been viewed over 5 million times through its original upload, and millions more as it was posted across other sites. It reached #13 as the all time Top Rated and #3 all time Top Rated in Comedy on YouTube.

In July 2009, in an apparent deal between Porter and Shlomi, the "Rap Chop" was made into a real infomercial that began airing nationwide. Porter's original remix included footage from the movie "House Party" and TV show "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air"... however, for the national infomercial, this footage was replaced with that of a woman break dancing and another dancer dressed in a pink bunny rabbit costume.


So there you are... you know now the story of the beauty behind the Rap Chop, making it the 91st coolest thing of 2009.

Coming up... American Express is all smiles... The battle of the mall cop movies has a clear winner... and Miley Cyrus actually have two--TWO--appearances on this list?  What?  What!?

Disco Here. Disco There. Dis Idol Go Everywhere. (with RESULTS!)

THE RESULTS...
Just got home from The Happiest Place in the Mall, celebrating Earth Day by collecting a few thousand plastic water bottles for recycling... and now I'm here to recycle the jokes and watch the recycled group song (or fast forward, like you know I will...)

Hopped on Facebook, and thankfully I didn't see any news of who may or may not be kicked off... tonight, we lose two... because

THIS IS AMERICAN

IDOL

Seacrest lets me know the theme of the medley that I'll be skipping tonight (disco, natch) and the performance that I'll be skipping (Young Archie) so hopefully, I can miss that dreaded Ford commercial as well. The judges. Randy the Dawg, Simon the Cowell, Paula the Blunderer and Kara the New Hotness, are here, and we now watch Paula the Flake do the choreography for this week's group song.

Paula Abdul.... I used to have the hottest poster of her on my wall. She was part of my early celebrity crush lineage.... Nancy McKeon to Alyssa Milano to Debbie Gibson to Mariah Carey to Paula Abdul. Back in day, like many of today's musical jokes, Paula was awesome diggity. Seriously.

By the way, after the group song, they award Paula with some flowers... she comes onstage to hug them in a dress so short that Seacrest tells her to be careful.

Anyway, her first CD was "Forever Your Girl", but to me, the crown jewel was "Vibeology", an immaculate album of cool dance beats, fun songs and Paula at her premier hotness... and of course, it spawned one of the greatest, most epic, most incredible, most unintentionally hysterical videos in the history of the known world. Forget "The Matrix", or "Speed" or even the Oscar winning "Hardball"... no, Keanu Reeves finest moment...


I've posted this video before, but as my audience grows, I must give more chances for more people to witness this vision of visionary visions. You'll see this again when I finally do my post on my ten favorite music videos of all time...

Seacrest kills some time while the chicks change clothes... the guys do it faster. Always. Alright, Mindy D'A, dim the lights... let's start with... Lil Rounds. Her time has passed, she's gotten too many chances. Alexis Grace should be here right now. She takes a walk to the far side of the stage to the Silver Stools of Failure, though Seacrest doesn't actually say she's in the Bottom Three.

He doesn't have too, actually... he drops the bomb on her like The Gap Band, and just flat out tells her "Get out, chick." And she grabs the mic to kick Chaka Khan in the face again with her "I'm Every Woman".


Here's how the song should be sung... from one of the most underrated movies of all time... "The Bodyguard".

We're back now with Seacrest, welcoming... someone. Who? Frieda Payne? Who? Was Donna Summer really not available? They did 4,288 of her songs last night, putting Donna back in the spotlight, and she seriously couldn't find the time to come to Idol? What else is she doing? Nothing, that's what!!

Ah... here's Thelma Houston. "aaaawwwwww bbbbaaaaayyyyybbbaaaaayyy.... my heart is full and desire for you! So come on now and do what you know you gots to do!" The cut to Paula the Flake, who is standing and dancing, and Simon the Cowell has a big, toothy grin on his face. I think I've decided I want Thelma Houston to play at my birthday party this summer. Oh, come on, you know YOU would totally come to d$'s 34th Annual Birthday Bash in August if Thelma Houston was going to be there! She could just sing this song about 9 times and I'd be alright. The Lovely Steph Leann, can you get on that?

KC, sans Sunshine Band, comes out singing, what else, "Get Down Tonight". Dude looks like a trucker straight off of "To Catch a Predator". In fact, Chris Hansen might be in the second row... maybe its the botox or whatever, but KC is hard pressed to show any emotion whatever. He has this "Joker" type grin going on, and I mean Jack's, not Heath's. He's struggling to get down tonight, too. And where is the Sunshine band? Are they hanging with Donna Summer?

And we're back... alright Cindy Jo, dim the lights. Its time to show some Bottom Three-ness. One of the Silver Stools of Failure has been taken away...

Kris Allen stands up. Last night? Best performance of the night. Maybe the coolest, anyway. America votes... and Kris is safe. The Ambiguously Gay Adam stands up, with very little worry of anything, really. He's kinda got a Gay Chris Isaak coif going on, just much darker. He sits in safety.

The Widower Danny Gokey stands up. How does he actually have exactly the same amount of stubble every week? Does he time this every week? He sits. Naturally.

This now leaves Matty G, Anoop the Eyebrowed One and My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta... with two Silver Stools of Failure still unseated. Anoop nods knowingly as he is in the Bottom Two. Matty G and My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta stand up together...

Matty G... Matty G... Matty G... Matty G... please please please please....

Seacrest stretches it out as long as possible before finally sending My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta to the Silver Stools of Failure. And extra set of stools have been brought out, one for each of Anoop's eyebrows.

Young David Archuleta does his thing, I skip it entirely, and let's do the final results. KT, dim the lights. Seacrest holds the card... and Anoop Dogg is gone now. And before he sings his final song, he declares jihad on the entire show. Not good times. Its better this way, though... now the terrorists don't win. Well... considering our president... oy!

_______________________

PERFORMANCES....
Just a quick note before we start... Jason Bateman. I did a review on "State of Play" a few days ago, and Mindy D'A reminded me that I didn't mention Jason Bateman... he steals the latter half of this movie, by the way, and I can only attribute the fact that it was late when I blogged about it as the reason I left Bateman out. He is brilliant in this, and you need to know this.

Now...

THIS

IS

AMERICAN

IDOL

DISCO NIGHT

This is going to be the train wreck of the season, as it usually is. Seriously. I mean, when they are sitting around the table, and the producers are trying to come up with the themes, you reckon someone says, "Okay, we got country week... we got birth-year week... we got movie night... all the weeks are taken but one... what do we fill that one with?"

"What about Billy Joel Week? The songs of Billy Joel?"
"No, that's too old."
"What about... maybe Past Idol Tunes week? Songs from Kelly and Ruben and Taylor and Carrie and such."
"Nope, that's not good either"
And some drunk guy in the back stands up and says, "I think we should do disco week. Again!"
"PERFECT! Cause Barry Gibb was amazing last year!"

Here's what he sang... "Theres a. Light. Some kind. Of light..." It was horrendous--so bad, that to this day, I still make fun of it.

But as it is, this is Disco Week. If Lil Rounds doesn't blow this out the water, then there IS NO HOPE for her. Without a video (they probably only have one for The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert and The Goke), they let her go straight into Chaka Khan's "I'm Every Woman."

And I notice that in the hotpants she's wearing, she's got back for days. Literally, I could take this Chipotle Mexican Grill cup of ice cold Co-cola and set it on the top of that thing. She's close the judges, but her bum is straight back, rubbing the video screen.

Randy the Dawg says, "You got the party started... but..." and its not good. He says that she didnt show what kind of artist she could be, and seriously, by now, there isn't any chance she will. Kara the New Hotness says, "We've been waiting for you to sing Chaka or someone and show us what you can do... and really, I don't think its worth the wait. You literally have been every woman up there this year." Paula the Flake goes through butterflies and puppy dog tails. Simon the Cowell says it was copycat and messy.

Kris Allen is holding a guitar for Disco Week. Is there really any guitar music ever actually in any disco song you know? And he picked out "She's Works Hard for the Money" by Donna Summer, and as he says, its a song about a woman who has a great work ethic. Yep, she works hard. For her money.

I look over at The Lovely Steph Leann, smiling and simply say, "I dig this guy." She chirps, "I LOVE KRIS ALLEN!!" Dude, this is awesome. He's got the band on the stage, pounding the bongos, playing guitar and really... and this is the first time I've said this so far this season... I might consider buying a Kris Allen CD. And for the first time this year, a performance that I might actually consider in the Top 100 Coolest Things of 2009, along with Chipotle, lunch with Stan McDuffie and Mindy D'A herself...

Kara the New Hotness sings his praises. Paula... oh, Paula Paula Paula. I cannot even describe what I just heard. "Some women shop in the men's department, but few men shop in the women's department", leading to all sorts of Kris Allen Buys Chick Undies jokes... Simon the Cowell says it was completely opposite of Lil Rounds, and that it was fantastic. Randy the Dawg says it was awesome.

The Lovely Steph Leann begins a real rant... "I mean, come on, I know it was mess up Idol's perfect little word to have Kris Allen in the top two and not The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert or The Widower Danny Gokey, but REALLY!!! HE'S AWESOME!!! WHAT DOES HE HAVE TO DO??!!"

So let's now give it to The Goke himself, The Widower Danny Gokey... he's doing "September" by Earth Wind & Fire. This is a hard song for a white boy to pull off, really. I'll be honest, I make fun of (with?) the guy, but he can sing. He's got a great voice. But he's done very little to impress me so far.

This used to be my ringtone on my first cell phone I ever got. I remember using it as a wake up alarm on missions in New York City in 2005.

Randy the Dawg said he wasn't sure about the song choice originally, but he really like the version that The Gokinator made happen. Kara the New Hotness--and really, she is pretty hot, and I think she gets finer as the season goes on--loved it. She loved the pitch. Paula the Blitherer blitherers. She says he's got a sexy voice. Cindy Jo agrees. Simon the Cowell likes The Widower Danny Gokey, but didn't like the song.



My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta must defend her My Next American Idol crown against challenger Kris Allen tonight. She's doing "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer, and chick is laying on the stairs, slinking up across the stage and if she were a) older than 16 and b) prettier, then she'd be pretty hot right about now. But as she's neither, I can say she looks pretty cool.

I love me some Jailbait Ally... but I didn't like the song all that much. Randy the Dawg thought the arrangement was overindulgent, but says she's one of the best singers in the competition. I think we've heard "And you're only 16!!" or some variation of that has been said about 53,000 times this year. Kara the New Hotness agrees with Randy the Dawg. Paula the Blubberer blubberers. Simon the Cowell says it was a brilliant performance.

And now its time for The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert. He's doing... or will destroy... "If I Can't Have You" by Yvonne Elliman, one of my favorite disco songs from that era. Seriously, I love that song.

And he turns it into a ballad. I think he's actually a pretty smart guy... he'll do a rape of a certain classic, like last week, then come back the next week and play it safe, sing it pleasantly cool, and wait for the judges to heap praises onto him. And right at the end, he throws in his "WHHHAAAAAAAAYAYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHHH" scream. Its a patented move now. Yes, yes, the song was good. But its The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert.

Randy the Dawg says it was awesome. Kara the New Hotness says this was the most memorable performance, and I completely disagree. Kris Allen has stolen this show. Paula the Blabberer blabberers, while Simon the Cowell laughs at her. Simon the Cowell was surprised is that it wasn't Donna Summer, but loved it and the immaculate vocals.

Personally, I think The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert should have done... "YMCA"? "Macho Man"? "In the Navy"? Ha! I tell The Lovely Steph Leann this joke, and she rolls her eyes.

My favorite disco songs ever... in no particular order...

• "Dancing Queen" by ABBA, though I can't truly rule this straight disco, and if ABBA is disco, then I can't say that "Dancing Queen" is my favorite ABBA song, because its a toss up between "Mamma Mia" and "S.O.S.".
• "If I Can't Have You" by Yvonne Elliman. The real version, not the one The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert just took an Ambiguously Gay dump on.
• "Last Dance" by Donna Summer. Its quick, its fun, its sing alongable.
• "When Will I See You" by The Three Degrees. Soft. Tender. Sensative. Like me.
• "Don't Leave Me This Way" by Thelma Houston. You'd know this if you heard it... it starts out slower, then kicks in "ooooohhhhhh baby! my heart is full o'love and desire for you!"
• "The Rubberband Man" by The Spinners. I don't have a single clue what this song is about, nor do I care. Its just cool, cool funk.
• "We Want the Funk" by George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic. Can you get a much cooler name than Parliament Funkadelic. I think not.

And yes, I'm thrilled by the fact that this album is called "Kung Fu Fighting and Other Love Songs". The unintentional comedy scale just broke.

• "Kung Fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas. Seriously, how does a black man in the 70s come up with the idea of writing a song--a racist song at that, with Chinamen and Lil Sammy Chong--about kung fu movies and such? I am sure wacky terbacky was involved. (more on this at the bottom of the blog...)
• "Best of My Love" by The Emotions. "Whoa oh, you get the best of my love, whoa oh... you get the best of my love!" Possibly my favorite disco classic.

I ask The Lovely Steph Leann her favorite disco songs, and she shrugs. "I like that Yvonne song I guess... I dunno... 'I Will Survive'... maybe? I don't even know what there is..."

Thats true with Disco. I had to pull up iTunes and actually look at my Disco genre.

Back to the show, where Seacrest alludes to Matty G doing "Stayin' Alive". Could this be true?

Without hearing the version, I call it--Lil Rounds and Matty G go home. If you are The Widower Danny Gokey or The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert, you can do "Stayin' Alive" and get away with it. If you are fighting for your life, you don't do "Stayin' Alive". You find something you can absolutely nail. Something you can blow out. This song? No.

He comes out, puts a little rock/soul spin on it, and it sounds pretty good. Heck, if you are doing to do something risky and crazy, go "Atomic Dog". Who wouldn't have wanted to hear Matty G go "Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay"?

Randy the Dawg didn't love the song, but still says that Matty G can really sing. Kara the New Hotness says she was glad that Matty G brought disco back to the night. Paula the Wanderer wanderers, making a bowling metaphor of some sort. Right up her alley. Simon the Cowell didn't like it.

Anoop the Eyebrowed One closes out the show, and I wonder what ballad he's going to do. And I say this right before the guitar starts with the ballad music. Its a song called "Dim the Lights", and hey... the song picks up. Its one I'm not familiar with, but its by, again, Donna Summer.

When I made my prediction about who's going home, I literally forgot that Anoop the Eyebrowed One was even in this show... Randy the Dawg liked it. Kara the New Hotness liked it. Paula the Wisdomer dispenses wisdom. Er. Simon the Cowell disagrees with everyone, not liking the song at all, and thought it was the worst Eyebrowed performance by a mile.

So here's how it goes down...
Kris Allen. My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta. Matty G. The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert. The Widower Danny Gokey. The Eyebrowed Anoop Doggy Dogg. Lil Rounds.

As they are showing the clips again, and reminding you of the numbers, The Lovely Steph Leann goes on another mini-rant about Kris Allen, and how he's getting no love from the judges, and she doesn't know what he can do to make them say "you can win this thing!"

And for me, Disco Week wasn't all that bad this year. Results tomorrow night!

So after the show was over, I was still curious about Carl Douglas writing and performing "Kung Fu Fighting". I mean, really. This is like me sitting down and writing a ballad about political espionage, cause I liked those kind of films. I ventured over to Carl's Wiki page, and here is what he lists as his three factors for writing this song...

1. He liked Kung Fu movies, and had seen them recently. Granted.
2. Went to a jazz concert featuring Oscar Peterson, a legendary jazz pianist, and was inspired by some of his music
and finally...
3. Was suffering from the side effects of pain killers.


Ladies and gentleman, I think we have a winner. Option #3. Yep, I noticed its not even in sync. Just like a great kung fu movie. Everyone now... "Wha ho ho hoooooooo.... Wha ho ho hooooo..... Wha ho ho hoooooo.... Wha ho ho hoooooo...."

Finally! Some New Music!

FYI... its like, 220 in the morning, I still have two things to do for The Lovely Steph Leann tonight before I go to bed, and I have to be at The Happiest Place in the Mall around 830am... that means that I didn't listen start to finish on all the playlist songs. I will make necessary corrections this weekend... and for you Facebookians... the videos, nor the playlist, will show up. Do the right thing. Go to The Clouds. Bookmark it. Subscribe. You know you want it.

Well, it's been a while since you pulled up Clouds in My Coffee (or "The Clouds" as many, including my Seattle Gal Pal Mindy D'A likes to say) and heard music coming from your speakers. One reader (and I would say her name, but I can never spell it exactly right, and even though the correct spelling is one click away, its late and I'm too tired) kept hers on mute, because she surfs the net at her Pottery Paintin' Place, and now she'll have to go back to it.
As always, I run through the list of songs, and why I've put them on this month's playlist--some are repeats from past lists, but the theme of this month is simply "Songs I've Been Listening The Heck Out of For the Last Month or Two".

You know, for whatever reason, you just like a certain song over and over, then after a while, you think, "Okay, I'm done with it" and you drop the CD back into the CD wallet in your car, or you move the song back to the general population and out of your current playlist, to not be touched for who knows how long--could be months. Could be years.

"Your So Vain" by Carly Simon. A Clouds in My Coffee staple. I had some dreams, they were...

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. I have played this song enough to learn how to spell the guys name (and yet, I have trouble with Amaryllis Barnett... Amarylls... Amourellis...). Anyway, this is one of two songs I want played at my funeral. You know, if they do that montage of pics showing events of my all-too-brief life, I want this song playing in the background.

"Just the Two of Us" by Bill Withers. Classic. The music is catchy, soulful, it truly is a great song for a rainy day.

"You and I Both" by Jason Mraz. It took a while for me to come around to the Mraz bandwagon, but I really like this guy. At first, he was almost annoying, but after "The Remedy (I won't worry)" and "Wordplay" and "Geek in the Pink", he's got me sold on him. This one is my favorite. The video is both hilarious and awesome.

"My Favorite Mistake" by Sheryl Crow. No doubt, we all have those. Because of the invention of Facebook, and the large number of former classmates and people I would see every day back in the day, I choose not to list My Favorite Mistakes. Okay, fine, Angiejay. But thats only 'cause I'm still bitter. Ha!

"Bye Bye" by Jo Dee Messina. She had one heck of a One-Two punch with this song and "Heads Carolina, Tails California" (another great tune that I almost put on here)... she later did "Bring on the Rain" and "Burn", but not in succession, so I can argue that her One-Two "Bye Bye/Carolina, California" was one of the best back-to-back hits in country music.

My funniest Jo Dee Messina story... so check it out, I was going on missions to New York City in 2002. Right before, though, I had procured Jo Dee Messina tickets, four of 'em to be exact. So I told Wookiee that he could come, and I invited Jill Berthon and her friend Shannon Hanes. Not really a double date, though it is worthy of note that Jill and I had dated briefly in 2000... this time, though she was just my friend. I mean, there was this other girl named The Lovely Steph Campbell that I was sorta looking at and... well, back to the story...

Anyway, I go on the mission trip, I come back, and the concert is that night. So Wookiee, Jill and Shannon and I go, have a great time, we come home, night is over. Jo Dee does put on a great show, by the way... anyway, when I get home, my roommate Tom is furious with me. I ask Michael and Shawn, the other roommates, whats up and they tell me he's mad at me cause I took out Jill. First of all, I didn't "take out" Jill, we just went to a concert together, and secondly, why does Tom give a crap? Well, Michael informs me, because when you were gone to NYC, they've been out a few times. On dates.

Really? Had no idea. So I had to go and talk to Tom and tell him, and make him believe that I honestly had 1) No intentions on pursuing Jill, that it was just a concert, end of story and 2) I had NO clue that Tom was even interested in Jill remotely. That took some talking, but seriously, I had no idea.

Tom and Jill celebrated five years of bliss this past January, by the way.

"My Boo" by Usher & Alicia Keys. I'm not a huge Usher fan, but I really dig this tune. Admittedly, he does have a great voice, and toss in Alicia's sound, and you got a great slow jam.

"Love Song" by Sara Bareilles. For whatever reason, I got hooked back on this song last week, maybe the week before, and I've played it like, 23 times on my iPod. That may or may not sound like alot, but remember, I listen to about five different podcasts during the week, including Adam Carolla, The Sports Guy, PTI, Rush Limbaugh and Car Talk, and even squeeze in some Dave Ramsey when I can.

"When I Get Where I'm Going" by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton. Here's the other song I want played at my funeral. Play Israel's song first, then have this one complete the photo montage and end with the black screen that says "david dollar... 1975 - 21??" You can fill in the question marks with whatever year it actually is. Don't put question marks for my death year. That's strange.

"Clarity" by John Mayer. My favorite Mayer tune, though I've put it on here about four times tonight... I keep finding the versions that end halfway through the song. Hopefully it works.

"Alone" by Heart. Dude. This song rocks. Carrie Underwood rocked it several years ago on Idol, but you'll never surpass the greatness of Nancy and Ann Wilson. Nor will you surpass their waistlines nowadays. Can they not hire trainers with the bajillions they've made? They were 80s kinda hot back in the day.

"Weak" by SWV. I'll set the scene on this song... back in the early 90s, right after Boyz II Men hit it big, there was a rush of three-some and four-some black dude groups that tried to emulate Boyz' sound--Shai, Jodeci (from which KC and JoJo heralded), All 4 One, Hi-Five, Silkk, etc--and on the opposite gender side, En Vogue hit it big, and chick groups popped up... Jade, Zhane and of course, SWV. Personally? I loved me some SWV... Sista's With Voices. Their hits included "I'm So Into You" and the Michael Jackson samplin' "Right Here/Human Nature", and this one, which I think is a classic.


This video? SOOOOO 90s.

"Until I Fall Away" by The Gin Blossoms. Not really a one hit wonder group... they were responsible for not just "Hey Jealousy" and "Found Out About You", but this one and "Allison Road", all from their album "New Miserable Experience". I would consider them a "one album wonder", meaning one hit album and thats it. Their follow up, "Congratulations, I'm Sorry" had "Follow You Down", but thats all they had left. This song makes me think of Troy State University days, and in particular, Allison Hodnett.

This dashing redhead was a year younger than I, and she was just beautiful. Arriving as a freshman in the fall of 94, she was good friends with Mandy Stewart, a fellow sophomore like myself, and who was also my very good friend, and in fact, Mandy kept trying to encourage something between me and Allison... I finally asked her out, and she rejected me. Ah well, life goes on, right? Well, she was all weird around me for quite a few weeks--this is a trait you chicks have and its freakin' terrible, but thats another blog for another day--when one day she calls me up and asks me to come over to Shackleford Hall to see her. Of course I go. Duh.

I roll over there, rollin' in my 5.0, with my ragtop down so my hair can blow and... no, not really. I think I was driving a Chick Magnet Buick Century. Chicks went out with me for me back then, not cause of my wheels, cause my wheels suuuuuuuuucked for many, many years. Anyway, Allison and I stand outside the lawn space separating Shack and Pace Hall, and this is, oh, I dunno, 11pm? Midnight? No good conversations with me ever happened before 10pm. Anyway, she tells me how dumb she had been, and how she thought I was great, and how she was so sorry for acting the way she did and all, and how she didn't know if anything would come of it, but she wanted to see me again. And then...

"So... would you want to go the movies with me this Wednesday?" she said. There was a movie showing every Wednesday night on Troy's campus back then.
"Really? Like, as friends, or like, a real date?" I asked with baited breath and nervous anticipation.
"I dunno. Friends. No, a date. We'll make it a date. Seriously."
"So you are asking me out on a date?"
"Well... I guess I am. Will you go out with me?"
Now, while I smiled and said, "Sure, I'd love to," with a restraited acceptance, my stomach was now dancing the fox trot with my spleen, and my entire throat contracted so I could barely breath.

Imagine my disappointment when Wednesday afternoon, she calls me. She is not feeling well, she's been sick all day, and we're going to have to postpone our movie date. I'm let down, but heck, she asked me out, right? I mean, she has to be legitimately sick, right? I didn't talk her into going with me, she asked me out.

I went to the movies anyway, with some friends. And of course, she was there. With John Glasscock. I was kinda mad. I called her later, and her roommate, Liberty Leak, answered and wouldn't put Allison on the phone. You chicks are something else, I tell ya.

Now that I think about it, I don't know if that song fits Allison Hodnett... but it was a fun story to tell.

"Anything but Down" by Sheryl Crow. I don't care for her politics, and unlike Sheryl, I wipe with many, many squares, not just one, but I dig me some Sheryl Crow music. She was also heavily portrayed on my Troy State Soundtrack.

"Can't Let Go" by Mariah Carey. I've often lamented about how much I miss pre-skank Mariah. I think it actually all came crashing down for both she and Whitney Houston when they combined to do that really crappy song "If You Believe" featured in the equally crappy "The Prince of Egypt". Perhaps that one recording studio room couldn't hold that much talent all at once, the talents collided, both were altered and neither was ever the same. I miss she and Whitney both. This song takes me back to high school, though no one in particular comes to mind.



"World on Fire" by Sarah McLachlan. I also love me some Sarah McLachlan. I went to a concert of hers a few years ago. Both me and The Lovely Steph Leann observed that Sarah is quite popular with the members of the Lesbetarian Church. Quite the gay magnet, that Sarah, straight as she may be. Amazing video, by the way. This song, not the gay people.

"Impulsive" by Wilson Phillips. I daresay that YOU do not know a bigger Wilson Phillips fan than myself. I will fully and readily admit that this self-titled album and "Time Love and Tenderness" by Michael Bolton are two CDs that most people would hide in shame, but I will gladly annoucned that I proudly own. I will now put on a white hood and stroll through Ensley.


Back in the 90s, if you were a guy, you were either in the Chyna Camp or in the Wendy Camp, like myself. Its not politically correct, or even nice, but is the honest truth to say no one, and I mean NO ONE was in Camp Carnie. Not a soul.

"The Story" by Brandi Carlile. Dunno why, but this song just hits me. Maybe you should play this song at my funeral, but don't show photos of me... show that Grey's Anatomy video that went along with it. Its much more interesting and flows better with the song than my life would.



"Dead and Bloated" by The Stone Temple Pilots. Said it before, will say it again... Scott Weiland, I'm glad he's clean and sober, if he is still, but he was so much better when he was stoned. He sang better. He performed better. He even looked cooler. I might shoot up before I do the next KidStuf performance, maybe I'll draw the crowds.

I have to admit, though, though I love the Pilots, and think "Core" is a pheeeeeenomonal album, the main reason this song is on this page is because I want someone to hear "I AM SMELLIN' LIKE A ROSE ON MY BIRTHDAY DEATHBED... I AM SMELLIN' LIKE A ROSE CAUSE I'M DEAD AND BLOATED!!!" when they pull my page up. Its so enchanting.

"My My My" by Johnny Gill. Let's face it. This song is about sex. I can't butter it up, I can't explain it away, you just have to know this song is about a guy who loves his chick so much, he just can't get over how hot she is. My my my, my my my my... your so doggone fine. Really, ain't that the way it should be? The Lovely Steph Leann... my my my, my my my my...

Reports from The Happiest Place on Earth

So, here's our Walt Disney World vacation for our 5th Anniversary, 2009. I tried to figure out the best way to tell it without rambling, but the best way really was just tell some stories. Read the ones you want, skip the ones you don't, but along the way, I'll give you some great Disney tips and perhaps some food reports too... it might be two columns, it might be four, who knows... but, here we go...

I love seeing Cinderella's castle at the beginning of any of my Disney vacations. The broad base and moat, the tall blue spires that reach towards the heavens in... well, for lack of a better term, a majestic fashion. I know the castle doesn't do this for everyone.



Different things excite different people. I could care less about U2, I think Rammer Jammer is stupid and though I can dig on "Hey Ya!", its not my favorite joint... but in the same way that Mikey gets excited when he hears the opening notes of "With or Without You" in a U2 concert, or in the same way that Tyler Campbell jumps for joy when Rammer Jammer starts blaring from the band or in the same way that Mindy D'A starts breakin' it down when "Hey Ya" comes on the radio, I am about Disney World. (granted, I'm not sure that Mindy D'A breaks anything down when she hears OutKast, but I thought I'd name drop)

There's so much to tell in any trip to The Happiest Place on Earth, especially one that starts on a Thursday night, and doesn't end until Saturday of the following week. This was planned to be the 5th Anniversary vacation for myself and The Lovely Steph Leann--we had honeymooned here the first week of March, 2004, for 4 days before embarking on a 3 day Disney Cruise, so we thought a return for our fifth year kickoff would be grand. We'd already been 2 times in between, but who's counting.

Well, along the planning stages, somehow, someway, The Lovely Steph Leann's mom, Ruth, and Aunt Becky worked their way into the trip. Being a manager assistanty type person, a part payment for my hard earned work is the ability to get myself and three others into the parks pretty much most of the time. So, for you math skolurs out there, take myself, add The Lovely Steph Leann, throw in my just wonderful mother in law and now the aunt, and that makes four.

Discussions where had, compromises were negotiated, and no matter how I did or didn't feel about the entire thing, it was what it was, it is what it is, and Ruthy Campbell was paying for gas, so there ya go.

The thought was to leave late, late Thursday night, possibly around 10 or 11pm, drive all through the night and arrive at The Magic Kingdom around 8ish or so. The women would sleep in the car, I could drive the trip, and the next day, I'd be dead tired, but hey, I've done the whole "up for what feels like a bajillion hours" before. Well, we're taking this behemoth of a vehicle, a GMC Yukon, the type of SUV that cars like Toni Rocki Honda would actually orbit around, and I'm just not comfortable driving something that unfamiliar.

So, in my brilliance, I called up The Lovely Steph Leann a few days prior to departing, and suggested that we leave earlier, and get a room for Thursday night. She agreed, I called down and though Pop Century was completely full, we upgraded slightly for a night at Port Orleans Riverside...

...DISNEY TIP!!! There are several catagories of rooms, with the least expensive being "Value Resort", which is All Star Movies, All Star Sports, All Star Music and Pop Century. I highly recommend these, mostly because all you truly need is a bed at Disney. That being said, sometime it is nice to go a little better every now and then. "Moderate Resorts" include Coronado Springs, Port Orleans Riverside, Port Orleans French Quarter and Carribean Beach. From there, you get to "Deluxe Resorts", which include the very pricey digs like Grand Floridian, Yacht & Beach Club, The Polynesian, The Contemporary, Animal Kingdom Lodge, Fort Wilderness Lodge, Boardwalk Inn, Saratoga Springs and a few others. Beyond that, you've also got Disney Vacation Club resorts, campgrounds and a few other places mixed in...

...which is cool because we'd never stayed at Port Orleans Riverside. Its kind of my thing now, I want to try to stay in the different hotels at some point, with the ultimate dream of mine being The Polynesian, with all its tropical atmosphere and tiki towers rising through the lobby. We stayed at Animal Kingdom Lodge for a night in September of last year, when we went with our friends DeLisa and DeNick, and it was glorious.

The hotel we slept in... for about four hours. It was awesome. And breakfast was great, too.

Problem was, we actually didn't quite get out of town until around 6pm, or after, and truthfully, when you have three women picking at each other about which direction to head, and who it is to blame for why we left so late and so on and so forth, its easier to just sit in the back seat, plug in my earbuds, and keep quiet.

After all this, we finally rolled up into Disney World, or at least Port Orleans Riverside, around 430, maybe 5am Eastern Time. Check out at the hotel was 11am, and we hadn't even checked in yet. I laid my head to rest around 530p, The Lovely Steph Leann didn't get to lay down until closer to 6am. We slept until around 9, then had to get up and pack up the few things that we had taken out. It might be silly to pay for a room for only a few hours, but trust me, that sleep was invaluable--I wouldn't have traded it for anything.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

The benefit of having so many days in front of you at The Happiest Place on Earth is that you can take your time doing everything. Magic Kingdom is not nearly the biggest size-wise, but has the most to do and is the park that is almost impossible to cover in a single day, so we had already planned to break it into two, perhaps three days, so we hit Magic Kingdom first, doing most of Tomorrowland... we rode Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin, we toured the Monster's Inc Laugh Floor (both highly recommended rides), we rode Space Mountain--which, by the way, they will be closing later this year to update it, making it faster, darker and adding music.

We strolled into Pixie Hollow, which is located in Toontown...

... DISNEY TIP!!! The Magic Kingdom is comprised of seven different areas, each with its own style and atmosphere. Besides Tomorrowland, there is Main Street USA, which you walk on when you enter the park, finding various shops and such... Liberty Square, where you'll find the Haunted Mansion... Adventureland is the home of the Jungle Cruise, the Tiki Room and Aladdin's Magic Carpet Ride... Frontierland has Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain... Mickey's Toontown Fair contains Goofy's Barnstormer kid coaster and The County Bounty... and finally, Fantasyland, a big area with all the major traditional rides like Mad Hatter's Tea Party, aka the teacups, Dumbo, Peter Pan's Flight, It's a Small World and so on...

...more specifically, the County Bounty, a huge pavilion of gifts and stuff. To the right side of the County Bounty, once you enter the big doors, you'll see two queues, one to meet princesses, and the other to meet fairies. We got in line, and for the first time, was able to meet Tinkerbell (who called my pin lanyard 'flitterific') and her fairy BFFs Silvermist and Rosetta.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

FOOD!!! That night we ate at 1900 Park Fare, which is located at The Grand Floridian Resort & Spa, at Cinderella's Royal Gala. Quite simply, its this huge buffet topped off with table visits by Cinderella, her boo Prince Charming, the Wicked Stepmother, and the two stepsisters, Drisella and Anastacia. The two stepsisters are my favorites, though, because they always seem to really play it up great.


Dessert was marvelous

Dinner for me consisted of yummy creamed potatoes and a large hunk of sliced roast beast, some mac & cheese, some other foods I can't think of, a bowl of chilled strawberry soup, and several little bitesized cheesecake tarts, berry tarts and chocolately junk. It was a-may-zing.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

After just passing out within ten minutes of getting to Room 240 at Pop Century, I slept like a baby. And since we went slower on Friday, we had to be up early on Saturday to hit the ground running... and Saturday...

TOY STORY MIDWAY MANIA!!! This was a ride we had been unable to ride last September due to the fact the wait was up to 3 hours in length. I had heard this ride was just unbelievably a fun ride to be on, so I wanted to prove it for myself... The Lovely Steph Leann and I raced... well, I say raced, but you have to understand, The Lovely Steph Leann doesn't run. She just doesn't. I was talking with The Dainty Steph Halpert earlier tonight, and she agreed, "Yeah, Stephanie doesn't run. I'm sure of that."

So when I say "race", we really just walked kinda fast. We got there and immediately got our fast passes, then immediately jumped in the currently-only-20-minute-wait-but-soon-to-grow-to-hours line. The queue is fascinating, as its as if your a toy sized being walking through Andy's room... everything is enlarged, from the crayons to the Tinkertoys to the Barrel o'Monkeys to the Scrabble game on the ceiling. In the back is Mr. Potato Head, telling jokes and singing and welcoming one and all to Toy Story Midway Mania.





Finally, we get to the ride, and are just giddy... seriously, we've heard from a ton of people that the ride is great, but truly, we really don't have much of an idea of what we'll be doing. We get in to the little car, both of us sitting behind brightly colored "guns" with a little pull string coming out of it. We throw on our 3D glasses, and suddenly are whirled in front of a screen with Woody and Jessie, as they tell us its time to practice. Pull back on the string, and a little "ball" flies across the screen, smashing "paint" all over a plate Jessie is holding.

Hold on... this is... kinda cool... this is really, really cool!

The little car zips around through various scenes, and we shoot ducks and plates and balloons and we try to ring the little alien guys and it was 100% incredible awesome. It was a ride you wanted to continue, so as soon as it ended, we hung out in the Pixar area until our fastpasses allowed us to ride it again. Over the course of our vacation, we rode Toy Story Mania five times.

...DISNEY TIP!! When you go to Hollywood Studios, you want to go immediately to this ride if you plan on doing it. Why? Because that is what every single other person will be doing. The fastpasses will sell out usually by midday, but even if you got one of the last ones they give, it wouldn't let you on the ride until 4, 5, maybe 6pm. My suggestion is to get a fastpass for it right off the bat, then either ride it then (allowing you to ride it again later with your fastpass) or just ride it a little later. The wait time will get up to an hour or more. If you aren't interested in this ride, though that's just weird, this is a good time to go straight to Tower of Terror and Rock'n Roller Coaster, because again, most people will be at Toy Story Mania

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We headed over to The Beauty and the Beast stage show, which is about 30 minutes in length, but is worth it. The colors are vibrant, the music is great--yes, the songs are somewhat condensed, but its enough "Gaston" to whet your appetite--and the dancing is top notch. Plus, its a great chance to sit and relax, especially since the theater is covered, during the summer months it will be awesome. Another show that is along the same lines, though not quite as good is "The Voyage of the Little Mermaid", which is simply the Little Mermaid story.



Ursula looks cool, but beyond that, its just a so-so show. Its a good wake up, though, when onstage the ship is in the storm, and in the audience, you get rained on. Sprinkles, really, but it will make you wet. Beware.

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They just started The American Idol Experience at Hollywood Studios, which both The Lovely Steph Leann and I jumped at. Earlier in the day, we passed the audition area, where you could sing for the judges to try and get on the show, but The Lovely Steph Leann refused to do so.

Though the "grand opening" wasnt until the next week, February 14th, they were showing "preview shows" all week. We filed in, and the stage looks like what the American Idol stage probably looks like in real life. There was a judges table, with the Coke containers sitting so you could clearly read "Coke".


The stage is set. The contestants are here. The dream is alive. THIS. IS. AMERICAN IDOL (lite)

A guy comes out, energizes the crowd and tells us how it all works (apparently, they do this on the real show too)... quite simply, three people perform, that being three guests who auditioned and were chosen. The audience picks the winner. Our host comes out, this chick with long legs and a bit too much makeup, and three judges come out, two girls and a non-British guy on the end.

Since its a preview day, the prizes won't be awarded today, but apparently, there will be four shows per day. The first three shows each produce a winner that goes on to the 7pm "Finals" show. The winner of that show, crowned the best singer of the day, gets a special "golden ticket" that allows her to go to any Idol audition in the country, and go directly to the front of the line.

The first girl to come perform is like, 15 or 16, and she does a great job even though she is singing "Colors of the Wind", on of my least favorite songs. The next guy does a forgettable country song (as in, I actually don't remember what it was) and the third chick does a loud version of "Independence Day". She starts off great, but loses it toward the end, but the crowd goes nuts anyway. The Lovely Steph Leann voted for the third chick, I went with the first one, but the third chick won out.

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I got to meet Frozone!

There is an Art of Disney show that I highly recommend, because... well, its really cool. Afterwards, though, you spill into an area to meet some characters and see some animation, and they have a few kids areas too. We heard that Rhino the Hamster and Bolt were going to be there, so we got in line--we were the last ones in line, as a matter of fact.


Its Rhino and Bolt! It was awesome! It was beyond awesome... it was.... BE-AWESOME!

On our Times Guide, "The Characters of The Incredibles" was listed as being there, and though I love me some Incredibles, we had already met Mr. Incredible and Elastagirl. But after our pics with Rhino and Bolt, I glanced up, and saw a familiar blue color. In a voice that sounded like I was eight, I giddily exclaimed, "Steph! Frozone is up there!"



We scurried up the walk, and there was Frozone! It was one of the coolest things ever!

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FOOD ALERT!!! For dinner, we traveled over to The Garden Grill, located at Epcot in The Lands. The Garden Grill is a character meal, but its known more for the restaurant itself. It spins. When I booked it, though, I was imagining a tower like building with a rotating top, much like the one that used to be in Florence, where I shared a dessert date with Mary Ann Crittenden in 2000.



The fact that I couldn't recall any such tall tower in Epcot, though, puzzled me. Its not in a tall tower, though... its on the 2nd floor of The Land (a building in Epcot that houses "The Circle of Life" ride, "Living with the Land" and "Soarin'") and when we first walked up, The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Oh, it must not be rotating tonight. That's too bad, I guess its broken."

So I ask our cast attendant about it, and he says, "No, its working!" I stared at the floor, at a small black seam on the floor at the top of the ramp. On the right side, the ramp was just there, not moving. On the left side, every so slightly, the floor was moving. You had to really look at it to tell, no doubt it took an hour or more for it to make a full revolution. There was the lower level of seats that was in a big circle, where you could overlook part of The Land lobby area, and another part of the circle allowed you to overlook the "Living with the Land" ride.

We sat on the second level, which was really just one step up. It was strange, because as I sat, there was a large rock on the outside of the "vehicle/restaurant", and twenty minutes later, I had to turn around and look behind me to see the same rock. The food was great, though. They served us roast beast, along with turkey and some other meat, potatoes (now, I'm not a huge fan of potatoes unless they are really creamy, but there were some rockin' creamed taters all over Walt Disney World) and some cranberry sauce that The Lovely Steph Leann was diggin'.


They even brought us Anniversary Dessert, which was really a cupcakey thing with a few candles on it. It was nice, though.

And on Sunday... its off to The Magic Kingdom!!