The summer movie season continues eating away at our budget intently, as two movies came up on the docket this weekend... the first came as a result of our nephew Benjamin coming to visit. The 9 year old and his family live in Jasper, but they spend time here in B'ham with the in-laws (mine, not theirs) frequently.
One of the activities including him playing hours and hours of LEGO Harry Potter on the Wii, and another was a movie... "Kung Fu Panda 2". Originally subtitled "The Kaboom of Doom", I'm kinda glad they dropped that and just went with the "2" part.
Anyway, I liked the movie as much as the first one. Its premise basically surrounds a panda named Po (voiced by Jack Black) who, in the first film, learned he was a "dragon warrior" and was taught Kung Fu, and joined up with other members of the Furious Five, including Tigress (Angelina Jolie) and Mantis (Seth Rogan) and others. For whatever reason, Grandmaster Flash wasn't included in this.
The bad guy this time around is an evil peacock named Shen, deliciously vocalized by Gary Oldman, and you'll hear other familiar voices like Jean Claude Van Damme, Dennis Haysbert and Danny McBride.
The animation is wonderful, the story is solid and flows well and its perfect for just about anyone of any age. You kinda wonder if there is an attraction between Po and Tigress, but the real relationship moments are between Po and his adoptive father, Mr. Ping. You can tell its adoption when you see Mr. Ping is a goose.
Po wonders who he is, knowing that a goose cannot be his real dad, and begins to question his family... and in a touching moment, Mr. Ping is forced to watch his beloved son Po walk away to battle.
As far as Po's real family, they kinda do that movie thing where one of the main issues in the second movie is an issue they don't even address in the first one... sorta like, when you realize Riggs wife is dead in the first Lethel Weapon, its only a minor plotpoint they use to establish the character, but when Lethel Weapon 2 rolls around, it becomes a major point in the story.
Same with Po's real family--only used to establish Po's character in KFP 1, but in KFP 2, it becomes a plot point. Guess you can do that with sequels...
And man that 9 year old kid loves him some Panda. And Bakugon. And Bey Blades. After the movie, then dinner at Chick Fila, we dropped the quickly tiring The Lovely Steph Leann off at The Cabana, then Benjamin and I spent some time first at The LEGO Store, then Toys R Us.
I do love The LEGO Store. Of course, every time I go there, I look over at ABC Toys, where The Happiest Place in the Mall used to be, and I throw up a little in my own mouth. Like I did last night. Ended up walking out with three LEGO guys he built himself, and a couple of Harry Potter keychains I bought for myself.
At Toys R Us, he spent about 30 minutes in front of the Bakugon and Bey Blade aisle, touching just about every toy and telling me which ones he had and which ones he needed. I listened intently, though I can't say I learned anything.
Should be noted that for whatever reason, he likes rap music. I dont think he fully understands the concept of "rap music", other than its style, so I was forced to fumble through my car for something that he could listen to. Luckily, I had a copy of "The Greatest" by LL Cool J, and was able to pop in "Mama Said Knock You Out", which he rather enjoyed. My other other CDs in the car at that moment included Norah Jones, Sara Bareilles, Sarah McLachlan, Darius Rucker and, of course, Dwight Yoakam's Greatest Hits--$5.99 at Wal-Mart, I considered it a steal.
Songs that I did manage to find on radio that made the cut were the edited version of "California Love" by Tupac and Dr. Dre... "Rocket 2 U" by The Jets... "Head Over Heels" by Tears for Fears... "Big Time" by Peter Gabriel... and "The Come Back Song" by Darius Rucker. "You Give Good Love" by Pre-crack Whitney also came on, but he informed me, "I don't like slow songs. I like rocker songs. And rap music."
We got about 34 seconds into "Dre Day", but I was able to flip the channel just as I heard the syllable "Muth..." and saved the day. Sometimes SiriusXM will censor, sometimes not. And since I listen to 90s on 9 a heckuva lot, I was bewildered that because I hear "Hip Hop Hooray", "Gangsta's Paradise" and "Baby Got Back" repeatedly, I just knew I would catch one of them for Benjamin's listening pleasure... but when I needed them to come on, I got nothing. Thats how I knew my life was outta luck, foo.
He did ask me if I had ever heard an Eminem song... I told him I had. He asked me if I liked any Eminem songs. I told him not many, though there were a few that I kinda liked. He asked me if Eminem was bad. I told him that yes, Eminem songs are pretty bad. He asked me how. I told him there was a lot of language, and that Eminem really liked to use lots of F-words. He asked me, "What's an F-word?" I changed the subject.
I finally popped in a CD that I had gotten from The Happiest Place in the Mall, one that included Hilary Duff, Aly & AJ and some High School Musical stuff. Figured that was safe as anything.
The line of night came when "Hoedown Throwdown" by Miley Cyrus came on... sadly, and I'll admit this to you--I know just about every word to it (and to "G.N.O." that came on later... which I'm guessing that besides me, only Hurricane Rhett would even know that stood for "Girls Night Out", much less know it by heart)... anyway, the song came on and Benjamin said, "Really? Is this Hannah Montana?"
I replied, "Its Miley Cyrus, yes."
Pause.
"So... why are two guys listening to Hannah Montana?"
Its a yearly tradition to have a theme where our 10-12 Idol contestants (the tradition tends to rear its lyrical head early in the Finals shows) sing songs from the years of their birth. Its been interesting to note that, while watching American Idol over these some odd 9 years or so (we neglected to watch Kelly Clarkson's win in the first season), the "year of birth" has been getting later and later. That is to say that early on, Songs From your Birth Year featured stuff from you know, 1979, 1982 or maybe for those really young, 1986...
Now? Songs from 1979 wouldn't qualify because it would put the Idol contestant at 31 or so, about 3 years over the age limit. Tonight? We have a song from 1995 make our auditions. Nineteen. Ninety. Five. That's a full two years after I graduated high school, and depending on exactly when the song was released, it would have found me as a sophomore or junior at Troy State University (Go Trojans!)
Because of a project I'm working on on Wednesday nights now--details coming soon--my Idol recap shows will mostly appear on Thursdays now, and I'll stick the results on the tail end of it. All that said...
THIS
IS AMERICAN IDOL
Ah, its a beautiful day here at The Cabana... the Plantation Shutters are opened, the door shutters are wide open, the sunlight is pouring in, and the television is adjusted just ever so slightly so the glare is minimal! Seacrusty reminds us that last week, ProActiv Spokeschick Ashthon Jones was given her walking papers, so Week Two of The Finals begins now.
Songs from your birth year, and this will give us people in our mid-30s a great indication of how old we exactly are...
And tonight, we begin in 1984, with Naboo Agrabahao, and videos of her parents show us that even they are wearing traditional African garb, complete with head wrap. Tonight, Naboo is taking on Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do With It", which at the time, when I was 9, I thought the song was kinda dumb. Years, decades later, my tastes a little more appreciative and refined, the song is quite a masterpiece.
Tell you what, though.. I wouldn't use the word "master" to describe the "piece" that Naboo's song is tonight. Its terrible, and I don't say that only because I'm not a fan... it sounds awful. Like, she would sound better if she were reading it with style.. awful.
Crazy Creepy Uncle Stevie calls it... beautiful? What? What? J-Lo builds her up first, but tells her that she's pitchy--even drawing some boos from the audience. Randy the Dawg says the same thing.
Thankfully, though, this might be what gets her kicked off the show. Unless the judges save her. A-freakin'-gin.
Next, back to 1984 again, Idol's version of Bradley Cooper, Pauly Mac, is singing Sir Elton John's "I Guess Thats Why They Call It the Blues", and this should be interesting. I love this guy's voice, but it just doesn't fit this song. Wasn't there a Rod Stewart song in 1984 that he could have taken on? Maybe "Some Guys Have All The Luck" or "Infatuation"? Just a thought. Truly, though, he does sound good, revealing that he does have a sinus thing going on.
J-Lo says, "I feel you... you sounded good!". Randy the Dawg doesn't give him a pass because Pauly Mac "because you have a cold, because singers have to deal with that.." but compares him to Ray LaMontigue, which is not bad. Cool Uncle Steven Tyler says, "Your a cool dude in a loose mood..."
And now, 1995... Thiamegia was born. Like, if I had started early, I could have been her dad. In 1995, I think I was with Julie Haynes. That's funny...
Where was I? Okay, she's singing another ballad? Really? "Colors of the Wind", from Pocohontas, the Vanessa Williams version... not only do I not like the original, I don't like that movie, and its my least favorite Vanessa Williams song by a mile. I dig Vanessa, but give me "Save the Best for Last" or the funky "Running Back to You", but not this one.
I just fast forwarded through it. I'm sure she was fine. Randy the Dawg said it was just "okay". And he says it was boring, and to stop singing ballads. Uncle Stevie says it was good, but wonders if that's who Thiamegia thinks she is. J-Lo says to work on her vibratto. Whatever. It was crap.
Let's take it back to the late 80s now with The Straight Adam Lambert. His birth year? 1989. I was in 9th grade, maybe 10th, and the biggest band dork ever. Ever. And watching his video interviews, I can see his Asberger's or Tourette's coming out--his eyes twitch repeatedly. Like he's squinting in the sun, but he's doing it over and over.
"I'll Be There For You" by Bon Jovi is the song, and I hate that I didn't get to see this with The Lovely Steph Leann, because she might have been a puddle on the floor. She LOVES her some Bon Jovi, and truly, this song was the favorite song of every chick I knew in 1989--from my classmate Tonya Windham to the hot senior Sandy Wright--Bon Jovi was the love of anyone and everyone who was the female gender. And even some male genders (I was going to toss a name in here, but I'll refrain, James Rodgers. Oh come on, we were all wondering.)
As for The Straight Adam Lambert, not bad. Not great, but not bad. The song itself is what, 34 minutes long, with 11 minutes of guitar intro, so I guess its hard to pick up a good 90 seconds to go with. Uncle Steven Tyler says, "What? 1989? I have sandwiches under my bed older than you! Don't get too poppy on me!" And The Straight Adam Lambert smiles back, "I'm saving Aerosmith for the Finale!" That's awesome.
1989 was a good year for Aerosmith too, with the album "Pump" still going strong, with "Janie's Got a Gun", "Love in an Elevator" (which I'd be shocked to hear on Idol, because that song is so not Emmy Turnbow safe) and the rock on, broken hearted balled "What It Takes", that I still know every word to by heart.
J-Lo thought he was great, as did Randy the Dawg. I concur.
Seacrusty asks a loaded question... "What Whitney song will Haley Reinhart perform?" Wow, Haley.. taking on 1990 Whitney Houston. She's singing one of my three favorite Whitney songs, "I'm Your Baby Tonight". I mean, this song is funky and cool and awesome and rockin and soulful and so on... so Haley, tread lightly. This is WHITNEY. Pre-crack Whitney, which means awesome Whitney.
Okay, so Haley isn't...
Well, she's not...
Okay, so she's singing okay, good enough I guess, but she's...
...um...
Fine. She's not black enough. There, I said it. This isn't a racial statement, but to sing this type of Whitney song, you have to have soul. Haley has a lot going for her, great smile and great voice, but soul? No. None.
J-Lo starts the feedback, and I know its going to be bad.. "Hey... you look beautiful tonight..." She beats around the bush in telling Haley that this was not the song for her. Seacrusty comes out and helps her wipe a little stray lipstick off of Haley's chick. How random is this?
------------------------------
So, I would love to continue the reviews and the witty banter, giving you the full report, but unfortunately, here's what just happened... I finished Idol and the post... I was working on links, pictures and a video, and while I was jamming to said video, I noticed it stopped halfway through. Lost connection. Now, sometimes this does happen... but here, at The Cabana, its happened more and more. I've been around and around with AT&T already, and they sent someone out here today to replace our cheap, piece of crap modem with a wireless one.. and it worked. While the computer was sitting by the modem, while the guy was here. Sort of like taking your car into the shop--the noises stop when Joe Goodyear is looking at it, right?
So, I get this page that says, "Your internet connection has been broken"... and then ten seconds later, it says "Hey, we fixed it! Just close your browser and you'll be up and running on the interweb, pancho!" So, naturally, because I'm an idiot who doesn't think--ask The Lovely Steph Leann, ask any of The Deuce Guys, ask Melanie--I just closed it and re-opened it, expecting to find what had been saved to be there.
Of course, it wasn't. So, you will not get to read my whole thoughts on Peepee Tuscany, Stefano Italiano, Deep Voiced Scotty, America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina, The Soulful Jacob Lusk, Casey A, K-Rod, nor will you get to read the lead-up to me saying, "If I were a lesbian, this would be my anthem." So, I'll just do what I did last week, give you the quick one line to those that my reporting didn't save.
Peepee Tuscany... Favorite of the night. Brilliant Whitney. Safe
Stefano Italiano... This kid is growing on me, and he sounded great. Safe
America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina... She did well, but nothing flashy. Safe.
The Soulful Jacob Lusk... Judges loved him, but I thought he was terrible. Safe tonight, though.
Casey A... I've heard him better, but his risky take on Nirvana was old. Safe.
K-Rod. Horrid. Horrid. In danger.
Deep Voiced Scotty... He did his thing, and he did it well. Safe.
Also safe is The Straight Adam Lambert... I think Pauly Mac and Thiamegia are borderline, and Neoxmia Agrahbah and, unfortunately Haley, are in danger.
Results tonight!
Whatev! Results NOW!!!
The good thing about Idol Results shows is that I can fast forward, alot. Tonight, we won't hear musical performances from The Black Eyed Peas and Lee DeWyze, and we won't see a new Ford music video, and we won't see a group performance... we will see 12 people squirm in their seats until the Couch of Anxiety becomes the Couch of Safety, and we'll see 3 people head to the Silver Stools of Failure. And one goes home. And unless is Niagra Fallsagogo, the judges won't save 'em.
THIS IS AMERICAN
IDOL RESULTS!!
Seacrusty follows Randy the Dawg, Crazy Creepy Uncle Stevie and Jennifer Lopez out, and its another exciting show!
We do get an update on the American Red Cross drive from last night... if you text REDCROSS to 90999, it will send $10 for Japan relief. Say what you want about Idol, they do alot of compassionate work for our world. Go Idol.
Aaaaand.... I just cut out about 10 minutes of show by fast forwarding through the Group Song, the commercials and the Ford Video. I love the power of DVR. Seacrusty instructs everyone to look under their seats in the audience, and the audience each finds a copy of the 10th Anniversary Idol Compilation, the best from the last 10 years of Idol.
Cute little video montage of the Idols discussing their talents, their pets, their accents, their desires to learn foriegn languages, and Thiamegia takes a fun shot at America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina's twang.
Back to the stage, Seacrusty says, "Dim the lights", and an Irish song comes on, the stage goes green, and apparently, that wasn't supposed to happen, cause Seacrusty makes a joke about the stage director tossin' back the brew, and then calls for the "Tension... dim the lights please."
Up first, Casey A, The Soulful Jacob Lusk and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina go to the center of the stage. I would imagine they will all be sitting on the Couch of Safety in a few seconds. Smart, though, go ahead and get the front runners out of the way. Seacrusty tells The Soulful Jacob Lusk he is safe.
Now, America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina, and Seacrusty sends her back to The Couch of Safety. And finally, Casey A... and predictably, Seacrusty sends him back to The Couch of Safety.
Seacrusty, you faker! But you didn't fool me this time! I'm on to your tomfoolery!
Now... Haley Reinhart and Pauly Mac... this will be a little harder. I can expect Haley to take a Silver Stool of Failure, though Seacrusty may pull a "you are both in the bottom three!" on us. You know that Seacrusty! Pauly Mac has the whitest teeth I think I've seen on this show, and this kid cannot stop smiling. Great thing, actually.
Seacrusty says one is safe, the other is in the bottom three... and its Haley, like I expected. Pauly Mac will be around next week, as he takes his place on The Couch of Safety, meanwhile Haley forces a grin from the Silver Stools of Failure.
Fast forwarded through two commercial breaks, sandwiched around an American Idol Winner Lee DeWyze performance that I didn't hear at all.
Next is Deep Voiced Scotty, Peepee Tuscany and The Straight Adam Lambert, and I'm guessing Seacrusty will do another all-three-are-safe trickeration.
Deep Voiced Scotty is safe. Peepee Tuscany is safe. And The Straight Adam Lambert, as long as he keeps performing at least decently, doesn't have to worry much until they get down to about 7 or 8. And... he's safe.
Told you! I'm on to your shenanigans, Ryan Seacrusty!
Now... Stefano Italiano and Naimey Aquafina are up. And I predict Stefano Italiano heads to The Couch of Safety, and Nameya heads to The Silver Stools of Failure. Am I right? Yup. (and I typed "yup" as Seacrusty said "After the nationwide vote..." and before he said "Stefano is safe")
Now, K-Rod and Thiamegia. K-Rod, bottom three easily. She was dreadful. And the judges are on crack if they said she was better than last week... she did that Selena song, but her cover of Taylor Dayne probably made Taylor Dayne want to kill herself. Wouldn't shock me if Thiamegia was in the Bottom Three, because her song "Color of the Wind" was sooooo boooorrinnnggg... one is safe, the other is not. After the nationwide vote... Thiamegia is safe.
Do I know this show or do I know this show? I'm wise to your strategery, Seacrusty. The Bottom Three, Haley, Neoxmea and K-Rod...
I fast forwarded through the commercials and was going to go through The Black Eyed Peas, but caught sight of Fergie in her white dress... okay, she fascinates me. She's sexy, yet borderline skanky.
Alright, enough of that. Fast forward through the song, and commercials.
Seacrusty is going to send one of the Bottom Three to the Couch of Safety... and that person is... Noxema. Curse it all! We can't get rid of her! She's like acne that just won't stinkin' go away! Well, let's get rid of K-Rod at least... Seacrusty says, "The person in danger of leaving us tonight is... K-Rod."
Now, Seacrusty might as well have said, "Since neither one of you are named Naimey or Casey A, the person who WILL leave us tonight, because the judges aren't going to save either of you, is..."
With tears in her eyes, she sings Mariah's "Hero" (which I fast forwarded through), and the judges deliberate to tell her no. Randy the Dawg tells her its not unanimous, but they aren't going to use the save on K-Rod.
It's going on 930, and we haven't started Idol just yet... The Lovely Steph Leann has spent the evening with Mama Ruthless and Big Daddy Ron, doing whatever it is she does when she does what she does there, and I finally texted her and said "Uh... the show is 2 hours... and I don't have to work tomorrow..." She said, "I know, I'll be there soon..." That was about 820.
And she just got home. So now, she's plopped down on the couch, Snuggie in lap, and she's ready. I'm ready. We're ready.
THIS IS
AMERICAN IDOL
Last week, it was brutal. The contestants survived the first cuts... then group night... then solo performances... and now we are down to about 60... but it gets better. They are headed to Vegas, and have 24 hours to learn and perform a song from The Beatles catalog.
And we will see the Top 24. And I know for a fact of one heavy favorite from early on that gets the ax during the final cuts. And J-Lo breaks down when telling them they didn't make it.
From 327 to 61 people... and now, let's work on getting to 24. They are dividing up into duos and trios, and are performing at the stage of "Beatles: Love" Cirque de Soleil. Vocal coach Peggy Blu tells them "If you are still reading lyrics by now, you are in trouble, because this is a gig."
The pressure of perfection begins to take its toll on the contestants, and Lauren Alaina bursts into tears. We then get a taste of Peggy Blu again, as Seacrusty calls her "The vocal coach from HELL!" and she seems like it, as she tears into Thia Megia and some chick named Melinda that I don't know if we've seen.
And we get the quick montage of those who say... "I've never heard a Beatles song..." Like, seriously? I just paused it, looked at The Lovely Steph Leann and said, "Okay, let's be clear... Lorelei Addison and Campbell Isaiah WILL hear The Beatles. Maybe they won't care for them, and that's fine, but I'm not having a 20 year old kid telling American 'I've never heard a Beatles song'. Not my kids, no ma'am. Even if we have a black or Chinese kid!"
She responds, "Oh, I know, they will know The Beatles. They will know them all..." and we list artists like The Carpenters, Herman's Hermits, Hootie, Sheryl Crow, Lady Antebellum and more, artists that our kids will know. This is just good parenting.
So, the 61 will take the stage in twos and threes, and they will either go on or they won't. First up, James Durban and Stefano Langone doing "Get Back". They sound pretty good, kicking the show off right, with James doing the crazy wail. Steven Tyler liked it, Randy the Dawg liked it and J-Lo smiles too.
Pia Toscano and another chick we barely know are up next, doing "Can't Buy Me Love". Karen Rodriguez is the other chick, by the way. Not bad, good harmony, and J-Lo says, "You two really get it!" Steven Tyler thought it took off. Randy the Dawg says it was very nice.
Jacob Lusk, Haley Reinhart and Nambia Adaniadapopopo are doing a trio, singing "The Long and Winding Road." All three sound pretty good, with Jacob doing what is becoming his signature runs and soul singing. Once again, we have a pretty good performance. J-Lo loved it. Steven Tyler said it was stupendous. Randy the Dawg tells them to go for it! Jacob responds that he tried to show restraint, not "wanting to take it to Ebenezer Baptist, y'all..."
We see groups doing "Eleanor Rigby" (one of my two favorite The Beatles songs), "Let It Be" and "Something", featuring Julie Zorilla, my current favorite. I mention to The Lovely Steph Leann, "I am waiting for the bad songs to come up..."
Seacrusty announces three more, and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Who? That chick in the middle? Never seen her, ever..." They are doing "I Saw Her Standing There". Random thought--the Tiffany version was my favorite song for like, a month or two in 1988. Just sayin'. Randy the Dawg really liked the group, J-Lo just liked it and Steven Tyler thought they all nailed it. I'm guessing these are three black people who had never heard an Aerosmith song until Idol started.
Another duo is doing "Blackbird", another one of my top The Beatles songs. Kendra Something and Paul McDonald, both from Nashville, sound great. He's got a cool voice, and The Lovely Steph Leann shouts, "That was awesome!" J-Lo loved it. Steven Tyler thought it was beautiful, and Randy the Dawg liked the harmonies.
Another duo sings "Help", and another sings "Ticket to Ride" and still another sings "With a Little Help (from my friends)". And now we cut to The Overdramatic Ashley Sullivan. I'm so tired of this chick. Even if she makes the Top 24, she will fall apart every week... she cannot handle this. Plus, she's really annoying.
And we see The Overdramatic Ashley Sullivan using this trip to Vegas, this Idol audition, for something else... she and her boo head to a Vegas Chapel and get married. No joke. She's just... just... eeww. She's so Waffle Housey Waitressy looking. So The Overdramatic Ashley Sullivan becomes The Overdramatic Ashley SomethingElse. I would like her to become the The Gone Ashley Whatever.
Hell's Vocal Coach Peggy Blu sees her kids come on stage now. Melinda Something and Thia Megia, doing "Here Comes the Sun". Hell's Vocal Coach Peggy Blu whispers to the camera, "Oh Lord..." Randy the Dawg praises Thia, but not Melinda. J-Lo follows suit. Steven Tyler does as well.
Now, up is The Overdramatic Ashley Blahblah and Sophia Yaddayadda, doing "We Can Work It Out". The camera cuts to the judges quickly, and their faces tell the story. Not good. J-Lo sits stone faced, and this is going to be bad, ending with an Ashley breakdown. Steven Tyler says it wasn't the best performance from either one. Randy the Dawg concurs, and J-Lo just says, "I'm sorry."
Lauren Alaina, Denise Jackson and Deep Voiced Scotty have had a disastrous rehearsal, and had to pick a different song. They are doing "Goodbye/Hello". I thought it was going to be a trainwreck, and it turns out to be pretty good. Not the best vocals I've ever heard, but it is a fun take on the song. Randy the Dawg looks perplexed. J-Lo says it sounds good when they were in harmony. Steven Tyler said the song didn't fit them, but recognized the attempt. Randy the Dawg said it was funny but not perfect.
Carson Higgins and Caleb Howley teamed up, and so did Funky Chris Medina and Casey Abrams... the former didn't do so great, the latter did pretty doggone good. The Traitorous Jordon Dorsey, Robbie Rosen and Aaron Sanders close out this part of the Idol auditions with "Got To Get You Into My Life". And it was pretty good. Randy the Dawg liked it well enough, J-Lo liked it, and Steven Tyler liked it.
Now the preformances are over. The stage is clear. And now, 61 people will be whittled down. Names will be called... Thia... Deep Voiced Scotty... The Turncoat Jordon... Robbie Rosen... Ashton... Lauren Alaina... they all step forward. The ones who stepped forward go through. So did 33 more. And who did we lose? Carson Higgins didn't make it. Denise Jackson didn't make it. The Overdramatic Ashley didn't make it. Thank you judges.
Now we are down to 40, and they return back to Los Angeles to "Sing for their lives..." as Seacrusty puts it. The first steps were all smiles. The next step was Hollywood. Then Vegas... and now back to LA, they have to walk whats being called The Green Mile, in a hangar. Each of the 40 remaining contestants sing one more song, and the next day, the judges call them one by one to tell them that yes, they are in the Top 24--meaning they will get voted on by America from here on out--or they are done with Idol--meaning their journey stops here.
Each one walks the long walk to the judges, and first up is Naboo Amabagdodopoopoo. She sits in tears while the judges talk to her. Steven Tyler tells her she has made it, so Nababa becomes the first chick to make it. I kinda knew she would.
Holly Cavanaugh is up now (Except for like, five or six people, I have no idea who is even left in the show...). Originally, Randy the Dawg told her no, but J-Lo and Steven Tyler put her through. She begins the long walk to the judges platform to find her fate. On the small circular platform are three chairs with the judges on one side, and five or six feet away, a single chair facing them. Brutal. Holly didn't make it. J-Lo tells her that she, J-Lo, was outvoted, and that she wanted to put Holly through, but Steven Tyler and Randy the Dawg say no. They say she's 17, and that she is talented enough to come back next year and contend for the whole thing.
Clint Jun "Junbug" Gamboa
Big Lakeisha Lewis, who we have barely seen the entire show, and Alex Ryan, another "who?", don't make it. I ask The Lovely Steph Leann, "who is that guy?" and she shrugs. And here's Clint Jun Gamboa, the guy who cut Jacee Badauex's feet out from under him by kicking him out of their group late into the evening. I have to ask, how many pairs of glasses does this kid even have? Like, he's got on a different pair every time they show him. Randy the Dawg tells him that he is through to the Top 24. One chick, one dude so far.
I can see that... he's got a great voice, but I think the who Jacee thing will come back to bite him. And maybe it didn't go down completely like it was portrayed, but Idol portrayed him to be the bad, bad guy, and I wonder if America will forget that. I don't think so.
Now, its Haley Reinhart making the long Green Mile walk to either be executed or recieve a stay of said execution. Steven Tyler tells her she has made it, and thats two chicks down.
Sixteen year old Deandre Brackensick doesn't make it... and yes, I typed that sentence before he even made it to the Judges Platform. I knew he wouldn't make it. He's got Kenny G hair. Random observation.
Paul McDonald is walking up, and though we haven't seen a ton of him so far, he's got a distinctive voice that I hope will make it through. He even sang an original song on his final performance, and now he heads to the Judges Platform. If he makes it through, I can totally see a David Cook and/or Kris Allen type transformation. And he makes it through, taking up the 2nd dudes spot.
Ashton Jones walks up... and I really like her. She even did Whitney on her final performance, and if you can do Whitney well, I'm all yours. J-Lo builds her up, calling her consistant, but reminds her of those bad moments too. And she makes it! Three girls down, two guys down, 19 spots left.
Funky Chris Medina, one of my favorite nicknames in all of Idol's seasons, walks slowly up the walkway. And I know what's coming... I know he doesn't make it. And The Lovely Steph Leann is going to come close to tears, as J-Lo will most certainly do in just a moment. Remember, he's the guy who's sticking by and caring for his girlfriend who had a terrible accident, leaving her needing constant care. And the tears come for J-Lo as she tells him he doesn't make it. Funky Chris Medina goes home. J-Lo wipes a tear and says, "I didn't want tell him no. I don't want to do this anymore." Randy the Dawg and Steven Tyler actually have to console her.
Seacrusty gives Funky Chris Medina a big hug, as does several of the contestants. I really liked him, and I'm genuinely sad to see him leave.
The Lovely Steph Leann wipes a tear away.
So here's the running count...
The chicks... Haley Reinhart... Ashton Jones... Nobobo Agrabahpo... The dudes... Paul McDonald... Clint Junbug
And we are back... I'll fire up this DVR and discuss the rest of the Top 100 Greatest Songs of the 1990s, as ranked by Vh1! Along the way I'll share some memories, some stories and maybe you have some of your own...
Keep in mind, I don't know who is on this list... everytime you read about a new song, I have just found out what that song was, and don't know what the next one is... Read The Greatest Songs of 90s, Part I with Songs 100 to 48
47. "Good Vibrations" by Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch I guess I heard somewhere that Mark Wahlberg doesn't like to discuss his "Marky Mark" days... and part of me can understand why. I mean, he's a white guy rapper, something that until Eminem, would get you lumped in with Vanilla Ice, Snow and the like.
But another part of me wants him to be doggone proud of this ditty. "Good Vibrations" isn't bad, its not even so-bad-its-good, its just a good, good song. And most girls I knew loved them some Marky Mark when he did underwear ads and did this video. He didn't actually wear a shirt from 1994 to 1998, I believe.
I came across this video in iTunes, and let me tell ya, I didn't think--I bought. Immediately.
I've made this point before, but really? If you've ever seen Mutt Lange, you'll know that Shania, left, is the best he'll ever do and the chick on the right is more his type.
46. "Your Still the One" by Shania Twain.
Oh mah gawsh... this song was everywhere. You couldn't get away from this song. But for every bit of eye candy that Marky Mark was to the ladies, Shania is the boys.
Its funny, though, to hear Shania talk about this song and her hubby Mutt Lange, as this show was done in 2007-ish. This was, of course, Mutt so stupidly traded in his Ferrari for a used 70s Pinto.
45. "Only Wanna Be With You" by Hootie & the Blowfish HOOOOOOOOTTTIIIIEEEE ROOOOOOCCCKKKKSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But when Darius Rucker says, "Ain't Bobby so cool?", who is Bobby? Never got that.
44. "Killing Me Softy" by The Fugees Pras, Wyclef Jean and Lauryn Hill... The Fugees. And for everything the original was, this song is not. The original, while classic, is so freakin' slow... the update by The Fugees made it cool. Made it relevant. Made if fun.
Sang this song in karaoke back in the early 2000s or something. Actually, I didn't sing it, Alexandra Milner did. We were at Common Ground back in the day, doing a karaoke night, and Alex and I hopped on this stage... and she sang it beautiful. I did the "one time time"... and then the "two time time" part. Cause I wanted to help.
43. "My Lovin' (your never gonna get it)" by En Vogue Who just started singing "oh your never gonna get it, no your never gonna get it" as soon as this song came on the television? The Lovely Steph Leann, that's who, not even looking up from her laptop.
This was pre-Destiny's Child, and early-to-mid 90s. There was an abundance of chick groups that came out about the same time, including En Vogue, but also Jade (don't walk away boy, my love won't hurt you, no no!) and my favorite, Sisters With Voices, aka, SWV (can't explain why your loving makes me weak...)
42. "Shine" by Collective Soul From the album "Hints, Allegations and Things Left Unsaid", an album that I couldn't afford to buy in 1994, but I ended buying in like, 2004, because I felt like I should own it.
This song is also awesome, with a great chorus, and lots and lots of "YEAH!"s. Da da da dada YEAH! Da dada dada da da YEAH!"
It is a great song, but my favorite Collective Soul song? "Heavy". Man oh man is that song great to drive with.
41. "Two Princes" by The Spin Doctors My memory of this song will forever and ever be linked to that karaoke bar on the fifth deck of that cruise ship during my senior cruise... there were like, six of us up there, and that group probably included Chris McCall and Tonya Windham, but I know for a fact that Tammy Thomas was up there.
(L-R) Tonya, Chad, Tammy, Yours Truly and Chris. This would be a good guess as to who was singing that night.
By the way, don't hate on the Spin Doctors. Trippy sound, goofy hat of that lead singer guy, he had an awesome voice... and how much fun is this song to sing? Even now! The Lovely Steph Leann stopped singing En Vogue and immediately picked up this song.
Favorite Spin Doctors songs? 4) "Little Miss Can't Be Wrong"... what a great "get out my face, woman" song. 3) "You Let Your Heart Go To Fast"... lead cut from their second album 2) "Two Princes"... Carnival cruises! 1) "Jimmy Olsen's Blues". Man I love that tune.
Just just just go ahead now.
40. "I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd Okay, so this song came from the film "New Jack City", not on The Dave100, but probably could be listed in The Dave200, if there was such a thing. There were actually two versions to this song, the album version and the radio version.
Usually, I'm an album-version guy... the album typically has the extra verse, or the bridge or the extra whatever, whereas the radio version is typically edited for content and length. However, in this case, its almost as if they are two different tunes who have the same riffs and rhythm... and I prefer the "come inside take of your coat I'll make you feel at home" radio edit much better.
Two more quick observations: first, lead singer Brian Abrams got really big, and second. this song is, no matter the edit, not Emmy Turnbow Safe. No joke.
39. "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls So, I've never seen the movie "City of Angels" that this song came from. This song is good, though, every once in a while, but not all the time. Give me "Slide" or "Black Balloon".... but I will tell you "Dizzy Up the Girl" is an awesome CD. Go get it.
38. "Genie in a Bottle" by Christina Aguilera So, when you are 24 years old, and this 17 year old is singing, and rolling around like she does in this video, you feel kind of skeevy. And I did. Cause she was pretty hot.
Steph Nipp, back in the day, asked me about the lyrics "gotta rub the right way", and I told her "oh, its like, you know, when you rub someone the right way, or wrong way? Like, she wants the guy to be good to her, and treat her right." Steph Nipp says, "Oh, that makes sense." And everytime I heard her tell someone that particular nugget, I would laugh internally, and sometimes quietly, externally. I love Snipp.
37. "Good Riddance (time of your life)" by Green Day So, Green Day, one of the most overrated band in the history of the world.
36. "Gonna Make You Sweat" by C&C Music Factory Totally did this song in high school band, and that crazy part on the sax was sooooooo much fun to play.
And I know every stinkin' word to this song. I mean, this video is like a workout, cause people are dancing and jumping all over the place, you had the chick singing the "Sweat! Sweeeaaaat! Let the music take control, let the rhythm move you..." (though the skinny chick was a front--the real singer of that was one of the big sistas from The Weather Girls, and she sued), you had that awesome sax in the middle and Freedom Williams singing the rhymes that told you he was a just a squirrel trying to get a nut to move yo' butt to the dance floor so yo' whats up, hands in the air, e'rbody over here e'rbody over there..."
35. "Wonderwall" by Oasis Talk about a song I love to sing... Today is gonna be the day that their gonna throw it back to you... I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now...
Its like a good Beatles song. This, with "Champagne Supernova", but especially this, is just about as close to a perfect rock song as you can get.
Chick named Reanna in children's theater Pied Pipers used to walk aroung singing "Wonder Bra". Kind of annoying, but at the same time amusing.
34. "Semi-Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind So this song is actually about hard core drugs and gettin' it on. The lyrics are so dirty. But its proof that people don't pay much attention to the lyrics, because its so catchy and this song was pretty big for about eight months. But I usually turn it when it comes on. Not a huge fan.
33. "Wannabe" by Spice Girls This exchange just happened: Me: Oh wow The Lovely Steph Leann: You knew this had to be on here Me: Oh, I like the Spice Girls. I dig this song. The Lovely Steph Leann: OMG, I LOOOOOVE the Spice Girls
Ten, twelve years later, its kinda funny seeing where they all ended up, but back in the late 90s, you couldn't get away from Spice Girl. I was always a Baby Spice guy myself.
We just spent the next five minutes coming up with the titles of the other two Spice hits.... "Two Become One" and my favorite, "Say You'll Be There" (she sang along to both when I dug 'em up on my iTunes)
32. "No Diggity" by Blackstreet featuring Dr. Dre Dude. No Diggity was dope. Back when Dre and rap was fun and cool, when Hip Hop was going from innocent to a little edgy, this song is just awesome.
Not sure what "diggity" means. It might mean "no doubt", as in "no diggity, no doubt".
Play on, play out.
31. "Creep" by Radiohead There were two versions of this song, the "so very special" and "so effin' special" version. As in, "I wish I was special. So very/effin special". Because I'm an album purist, I like the second one. I have this cassingle upstairs.
I won a tape from a radio station once, called "Kid A." And after listening to it a few times, I can honestly say, Radiohead is a band I never got.
30. "Tearin' Up My Heart" by N*Sync So, the boy bands returned in 98, after a seven year hiatus with the loss of New Kids on the Block.
Remember when Justin Timberlake was this frosted tipped little kid? And out of like, all the boy banders in all the boy bands, something like 19 of them, JT is the only who made it out. Its not cool to like any of them... except JT. Its cool to like JT.
And I'm sure JC Chasez is sitting at home, playing "Blowing Me Up (with her love)", wondering what went wrong and why not him.
No, of course I don't have "Ice Ice Baby" on Cassette Single. Why would I need the cassingle when I have this entire album on tape?
29. "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice I could spend an entire column, like 4,000 words on this song. I don't even know where to begin with this song, other than, I love it and am not ashamed.
28. "Livin' la Vida Loco" by Ricky Martin I got nothing. That sound you hear is the Unintentional Comedy Scale exploding into small, loco pieces.
27. "Mr. Jones" by The Counting Crows First, lets be clear... Adam Duritz. Ladies, is he hot? Seriously? Cause he got with like, fourteen different 90s hot chicks from Jennifer Aniston to Courtney Cox.
Secondly, who is Mr. Jones?
26. "My Name Is" by Eminem I remember hearing this song for the first time as I was coming to my apartment in 1999. It was odd, it was laughable, and it was creative. Some years later, he busted out with my favorite Eminem tune, "Without Me" which is absolutely brilliant.
Love him, hate him, he is so talented. What he can rap, the words he spits out are amazing... not the content, but just his tone.
25. "Black Hole Sun" by Soundgarden This was a cool song, but this video was just creepy with the stretchy smiley face thing going on. Everyone's smiles get all weird and distorted and strange.
24. "Jump Around" by House of Pain Dude... from the very first note, this song rocks. Like, this song is awesome. Everyone jumps to this song. And my favorite lyric, though its terrible, is "I'll serve yo' --- like John McEnroe, if yo' girl steps up, I'm smackin' da ho'"... This makes me want to go and hear this song right now. This would be in my Top Ten songs of the 90s.
23. "Whatta Man" by Salt n Pepa featuring En Vogue What a great song. Seriously. Why is it that there are so many songs out there that are all about how bad your man is, and he cheated and he's a jerk and all that... but here's a song that celebrates how much she loves her man.
I'd like to think that The Lovely Steph Leann, were she a R&B rap artist, would sing this song to me. "d$, you so crazy... I think I wanna have yo' baby..."
22. "Loser" by Beck Does anyone even know what this song means? No you don't. Don't try. Don't even try to explain. I made it a point to learn every word to this song at one time, and loved to sing it... and would hear it often on cassingle.
If there was a way to do playcounts with cassettes, surely this would have a huge count from back in the day.
21. "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion Oh, there go the flutes. From one of my favorite movies of all time, 9th on The Dave100, near, far, wherever you are, you couldn't NOT hear this song. And seriously, were it not for the fact that I have heard this song about 8,000,003 times, I would still love it. However, its still a great song. And before Celine married Rob Reiner and decided to lose 188 pounds, she was so awesome. I mean, really. I would put her next to pre-crack Whitney and pre-skank Mariah, easily.
The Lovely Steph Leann: Oh, I cried at this song.
20. "Mmm Bop" by Hanson You laugh right now, but dont even joke. You freakin' loved this song. You sang this song. You bought it, you own it, and when it came on, you turn it up, even if you only can sing the "Mmm Bop" part.
Hanson is a band that got the shaft--they make great pop rock music, played their own instruments, wrote their own songs, and were defined by that one single song.
19. "Sabotage" by The Beastie Boys There are fewer songs that, combined with the video, are as cool as this song. This song is loud, this song is boisterous, this song had this funky, hard edge, goofy sound... and it ROCKS. Put this is your cars CD player, preluded by "B.O.B." by OutKast and followed by "Machinehead" by Bush, and you can make it from Birmingham to the beach in about 90 minutes.
18. "Enter Sandman" by Metallica "The national anthem of headbangers" was what one guy said on the show, and I agree. And when lead singer Triple H James Hetfield, its a song that really... kinda punishes you.
Hush little baby don't say a word, and don't mind that noise you heard.
Indeed.
17. "Say My Name" by Destiny's Child Back when it wasn't just Beyonce, but Beyonce and three, yes three, other chicks. Hey, say my name you love me in front of other people. And somehow, they sang 73 words in the span of 4 seconds, so much so that Eminem would be proud.
And for the record, I love me some Kelly Rowland--she's my favorite D'Child.
16. "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer That phrase, "U Can't Touch This", tossed in with "2 Legit 2 Quit" will forever be a part of our lexicon. Lorelei Addison and Campbell Isaiah will be saying these phrases and not even knowing what they mean...
...oh no, forget that... they'll be hearing them some MC Hammer.
Its Hammer go Hammer MC Hammer yo Hammer and the rest can go and play, Can't Touch This!
15. "Under the Bridge" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers When this song popped up, The Lovely Steph Leann looked up and said, "ah!" I asked her if she liked this song, and she nodded feverishly, "I Love this song."
And why not? Its a great song. I remember this video where Anthony Keidis, in black and white, long hair flying, running as fast as he could towards the camera, looking all buff and intense. It was cool.
14. "Vision of Love" by Mariah Carey
Totally had this poster on my college dorm room wall
Sigh.
I miss pre-skank Mariah.
Anyone under 21, stop what you are doing, go to iTunes and download three songs: Emotion, Dreamlover and this song. And listen to them for an education. THIS is how you sing. THIS is how you entice. THIS is how you are FREAKIN AWESOME.
I would love love love love to see her in concert. I mean, one of my top five most desired concert experiences.
13. "Nuthin' But a G Thang" by Dr. Dre introducing Snoop Doggy Dogg In the late 80s, rap was killin, ghetto, hood, shooting, the plight of black people, the plight of poor people, the man holding us down...
When G Thang came out, it all changed. Rap suddenly didn't have to be a social commentary, it could be just something fun, laid back, smokin' a blunt, drankin' a fo'ty, ridin' in yo' bouncing hyrdrolic low rider,
12. "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette How fantastic is this song? How fantastic is this whole "Jagged Little Pill" album? I remember hearing this song for the first time, I hopped in my car, drove around the corner from Willow Terrace to across the street to On Cue Records and Tapes, and paid $15.98 for it. Didn't have it, probably bounced the check, but it was worth it.
She's a little mellow now, and released an acoustic version of this whole album a few years back--and it was good, but it wasnt great. It wasn't great because she wasn't angry anymore. I love Angry Alanis.
11. "Jeremy" by Pearl Jam Remember me telling you about sitting at home, listening to Open House Party on Saturday nights? This is where I learned about Pearl Jam and heard "Jeremy" for the first time. And I owned the tape and would play it in my car at school I daresay before anyone knew who was Eddie Vedder even was.
I remember doing some painting work for my boss at The Wright Place restaurant at his home, painting some metal beams for a barn that he was building. And with my jambox, I had this tape blaring loud and proud. Back then, kiddies, you got about five songs, then you had to flip the tape over.
10. "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinead O'Connor I cannot tell you how awesome this song is. I mean, seriously. This will be another song that Lorelei Addison will hear as a very young little girl.
The video is so amazing, as she's starting at the camera, tears streaming down her eyes. Its on my list of the Saddest Songs Ever. That countdown is due for a re-do, and "Nothing Compares 2 U" might rank a little higher.
And this is on my current rotation of songs that I sing while I'm making drinks at Starbucks.
9. "Losing My Religion" by REM I've never been a huge REM fan, but this song was captivating. That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight, losing my religion. I do believe that not too long ago, Michael Stipe surprised no one when admitting he was gay, he admitted that this song was his struggle with being an Other.
We used to make fun of REM, saying that REM stood for Rear End Men. Turns out I wasn't too far from being right.
8. "Waterfalls" by TLC For all the songs that The Lovely Steph Leann liked on this countdown, I daresay there aren't many songs she hates more than this one. I like the song itself, but usually only hear it when I'm listening to a playlist that includes my favorite music from that Troy State era.
7. "...Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears Let's be honest. Back in 1998, you liked this song. Don't tell me you didn't. You had no idea that K-Fed, bald heads, kissing Madonna, that VMA snake, Chaotic, slutsville, rehab, two children, bad music, that Vegas marriage was coming. All you knew at that time was that this song was awesome, it was catchy, the album was fun, and speaking as a guy, we loved it.
6. "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mixalot I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE is a line that forever will go down in the "First Lines to a Song" Hall of Fame. I mean, you can't even say the words "Oh My Gah Becky, look at her butt" without someone laughing, or continuing the line or quoting the song. Seriously.
This is song is so engrained in our pop culture, it will be one of the songs on this list that will last for decades, maybe a generation. I don't know if Campbell Isaiah will be exposed to Mixalot at an early age, but it seems to be a good song to sing to babies. On Friends, Rachel sang it to her kid to calm her down, and when I was visiting my best mate Wookiee, I was holding their daughter Abby Grace and when AG got a little grumpy, I started to whisper "I like big butts and I cannot lie. You other brothers can't deny..." and like magic, AG quieted.
5. "Vogue" by Madonna Eh.
4. "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston From a favorite film, 51st on The Dave100, its pre-crack Whitney at the top of her career. As this song started, I just put my head back on the recliner, looked at The Lovely Steph Leann and just sighed, "This song... is just so great."
A few drug hits and a Bobby Brown later, she can't hit those notes like she used to. But while you are on iTunes downloading those Mariah songs, make sure you get "How Will I Know", "Saving All My Love For You", "I'm Your Baby Tonight" (radio edit) and this song. Go now.
3. "I Want It That Way" by The Backstreet Boys The Lovely Steph Leann just piped up "This is the BEST!!!"
So one night, Mikey Nipp and I were going to a party somewhere. We walked to the door and he turned to me, said "I'm going to have the entire room singing Backstreet in ten minutes. Just watch this."
He walked in, quietly singing to himself, "you are... my fire... my one... desire..." and sure enough, within ten minutes every girl, and some guys, in the room were singing to themselves "I want it that way" and "you are... my fire..." and so on. It was hilarious.
2. "One" by U2 When "Achtung Baby" came out, I really dug "Mysterious Ways", which turned out to be my favorite U2 song of all time.
But I'll just be honest with ya here... this is my absolute least favorite U2 song out there. When this comes on the radio, I end up just turning it. There. I said it.
1. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana When we were about three songs from the end, I said, "Smells Like Teen Spirit" is probably number one." And I was right.
I was the first kid in my high school to own "Nevermind" with the naked baby on the front cover of the tape. And this song was played a whole heckuva lot in my car. Kurt Cobain is perhaps not as amazing as people remember him to be (who is, really) but he deserves alot of credit for, along with Pearl Jam, bringing the new grunge alternative sound to the forefront, inspiring rock music like never before, and making all those kids around me who felt Metallica and Alice in Chains were a little too loud have some hope in rock.
And then, when Weird Al Yankovic came out with "Smells Like Nirvana", I was laughing so hard I literally ran off of the road while driving down the highway in Enterprise, Alabama.
Here I am, its a Wednesday night. Idol Gives Back is already on, but I haven't seen the performance show. Its 10 after 7, and I planned it that way. I'm about to pick up the remote, and watch the performances... then immediately go to the Idol Gives Back show, though I'm not sure we'll see any results this time... when they did this a few years back, they didn't eliminate anyone, they just combined that weeks votes with the following week and dropped 2 people.
I want to be able to fast forward through some of these performances if desired... so its easier while watching it on DVR. I have the power, oh yes, I have... the power.
THIS
IS
AMERICAN
IDOL
Its "Inspirational Song" week here on Idol, but don't think you'll be hearing stuff from Amy Grant or Third Day or Stevie Curt Chapman... no, this is when you just pick songs that... well, inspire you. Personally, if I were a singer and on Idol, I do one of two songs:
"Standing Outside the Fire." by Garth Brooks. I think its the video of the Downs kid running on the track team that does it for me. Oh, and Garth just looks cool with fire all around him.
OR
"Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield. I do this one only if I were a chick. Which I'm not. Digressing....
Its our Top Seven singing this week... Big Mike, C'Bosox, Tim-may, Aaron, CJ, Lee De and Siobhan. And mentoring them this week? Alicia Keys. Okay, so, have you ever heard the song "Falling"? I'm sure you have... it was every other song on the radio some years back... and don't get me wrong, her voice is absolutely beautiful and haunting... but "Falling" is a terribly written song. Just my two cents. Who said "Fergalicious?" Shut up.
CJ is up first. Your first clue that this week is not "Inspirational" but "Songs That Make You Feel Good" is that Casey James is doing "Don't Stop", the classic by Fleetwood Mac. This is one of my least favorite Fleetwood Mac songs... personally, I'm a big fan of "Gypsy", "Rhiannon" and "Say You Love Me"... though who doesn't love "Go Your Own Way", especially because of the bitterness behind it--let's face it, everyone slept with everyone in that group.
Randy says the song was good, but not the best. Cindy Jo disagrees. She would vocalize it, except for the drooling. America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres busts out a real critique... "You have to be great, and I don't think anyone is going to remember that tomorrow". Kara the New Hotness is frustrated because he's better than that. Simon the Cowell says he wasn't inspired at all. And I can agree with that.
Lee DeWyze is doing Simon & Garfunkel's "The Boxer", which you'd know because it goes "Li la li... (crash) li la li li li la la la la li (crash). I like that song, but for me, you can't beat "Sounds of Silence" and "Hazy Shade of Winter" (though I prefer The Bangles 1987 version from the Andrew McCarthy/Jami Gertz/RDJr masterpiece of drugginess, "Less Than Zero"). Yes, yes, "Mrs Robinson" is good too.
What is this song about? Its about overcoming loneliness and poverty in New York City. So sez Wikipedia.
Randy the Dawg really liked it. Ellen DeG says it was great, the best of the night so far. Kara the New Hotness says Lee has his moment tonight. Simon says that two performances in, it was the best of the night... and then says it was sincere, emotional and inspirational.
Timmy Urban is doing "Better Days" by The Goo Goo Dolls, one of those bands that, almost 20 years later, they keep putting out likable songs. My personal favorite? "Black Balloon", though I've admitted that I haven't a clue what its about... didn't stop me from ranking it as one of the saddest songs ever.
"Slide", however, is a great, great driving song.
Tim-may Urban is having, shall we say, pitch problems. Randy says it was just so-so. Ellen DeG compares him to soup that sometimes she likes and sometimes she doesn't... and tonight, she didn't. Kara the New Hotness didn't like it. Simon the Cowell is finding it difficult to believe in him, and thinks it was a step back.
Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear... "I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly is what Aaron Kelly chose. Directly from the soundtrack to the groundbreaking motion picture "Space Jam". You know how some people have said they've never seen Star Wars? Well, I've never seen "Space Jam". I'm okay with that.
You know which song I like by R. Kelly? "Ignition (remix)". That song rules. Especially when I start singing to The Lovely Steph Leann, "No I'm not tryin to be rude, but hey pretty girl I'm feelin you the way you do the things you do, remind me of my Lexus coup..." though by the time I get five words into it, she's already given me a stern look.
Aaron Kelly's version was terrible. I don't know what Randy the Dawg is hearing, liking it, but wow. That was dreadful. Ellen DeG believes Aaron can fly. Kara the New Hotness loved it. Simon the Cowell admires the guts to take on that song, but didn't like the performance at all.
Do you want to know Whitney Houston's worst song? And Mariah Carey's worst song ever? Its the same song. And Siobhan Magnus is doing it tonight... from "The Prince of Egypt", its "When You Believe". I hate this song, I really do. I really, really do.
Okay, I'll say this... she's got a great voice. She sings the song decent enough. But this song... is just terrible. Just terrible. I miss the Siobhan from the early weeks of the show... its like she listened to her own hype and wanted to morph into something more "radio friendly", and by doing so, lost what made her awesome.
Randy the Dawg didn't like it all that much. Ellen DeG loved it. Kara the New Hotness said "Technically, it was good. But it was theatrical". Simon didn't like it either.
Big Mike is doing "Hero" by Chad Kroeger. Once again, from a movie, this time from "Spiderman". Is this "Song That Make You Feel Good" or "Songs That Come From Movies But Also Make You Feel Good" Week?
Not a huge fan, but after this night, its the almost the best of the junk.
Randy the Dawg liked it. Ellen DeG liked it. Kara the New Hotness didn't like it. Simon the Cowell said it was sung well, and comments that it was from Spiderman.
And in the pimp spot. Crystal Bowersox is ready to blow us all away. I heard she was doing "People Get Ready", and immediately I thought of Crystal Lewis Rapture-Jam, "People Get Ready (Jesus is coming)" and I was all pumped.
Well, this is actually the version from the 60s by The Impressions. The first verse is sung acapella and Oh Em Gee. Wow. Wow. Wow wow wow.
Sans instrument for the first time, she just blows it away. And she ends up crying at the end. And it was so freaking awesome, I'm doing something that I haven't done all year... I'm rewinding it to watch it again.
Sometimes you see a performance that is just... well, magical. Amazing. Unbelievable. And tonight, Crystal Bowersox just did one of those, one that will be tossed into the ranks when they do those "Best Idol Performances Ever" lists.
Randy the Dawg says "That was unbelievable" and gives her a standing O. Ellen DeG says she's beautiful and loved the song. And DVR cuts out before I hear Kara the New Hotness and Simon speak, but I can only assume they went nuts too. I just did.
To give us a heading of how great this show is going to be, its He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected and The First Lady, Michelle. I just threw up in my mouth.
THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL
GIVES BACK!!!!
I wonder when He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected will start giving back... taxes, maybe? Personal freedoms? Government control? I'll stop before I start kicking things around The Cabana living area.
Seacrest reminds us we can make a difference. I'm wondering what the over/under is on how many times i'm going to fast forward tonight? Plus 400?
Seacrest is hosting, but Queen Latifah is co-hosting over in Pasadena. I used to totally dig her talk show when it was on. Tonight... the Black Eyed Peas! Carrie Underwood! Joss Stone! Annie Lennox! More! Yeah!
The time is 8:30, so I wonder how fast I'll shoot through this 2 hour show. Mary J. Blige and Alicia Keys are here tonight too!
Fast forward through the Top 12 reunited (and it feels so good) group song
Fast forward through Jennifer Garner's report on what Idol Gives Back has done for Kentucky
Fast forward through Posh Spice and Seacrest
Fast forward through commercials
Fast forward through Capt Sulley's pleading for Idol Gives Back
Seacrest banters with Jonah Hill and Russell Brand. Not a funny bit.
The Top Seven sit on the Couch of Anxiety, all dressed in white as per usual Idol Gives Back dress code. Siobhan Magnus isn't used to such bright happiness.
Back over to Queen Latifah, who introduces The Black Eyed Peas. I'm completely alone in my chair, and out loud I just said "What the freak is Fergie wearing?" This song is a prime example of artists who sound great on the radio and in studio but onstage... uh... not really...
Fast forward through The Black Eyed Peas rockin' that body
Todd Bridges is in the audience. How did he get there? Shouldn't he be parking cars?
Fast forward through Malaria's greatest hits
Fast forward through commercials
Finally... some results. I thought they might push back an elimination until next week, but nay nay. And in another only slightly funny bit, George Lopez is onstage. Let's dim the lights.
Lopez then walks to the judges, as if one of them is getting voted off. He then takes some great shots at both Randy and Kara the New Hotness... Lopez then takes another shot at Kara's affections for Casey James, which then the camera pans to CJ, who grimaces. He didn't like that at all.
Seacrest then introduces Lopez as "Erik Estrada", which made me laugh out loud.
Fast forward through the Ford commercial
Now, really dim the lights. CJ and Crystal Bowersox join Seacrest in the middle of the stage. CJ looks grim, he knows he's in the Bottom Three or Two or whatever they'll do. He's standing next to C'Bosox. And in shocking news, Casey James heads to the Silver Stools of Shame, Crystal Bowersox lives to fight another day.
Aaron Kelly and Lee DeWyze come to the middle... which puts Aaron Kelly in the Bottom Three. By the way, I called that while Seacrest was still talking. Aaron heads to the Silver Stools of Shame.
Back to Queen Latifah, lets hear...
No, Fast forward through Jeff Beck and Joss Stone
Fast forward through dying mothers in Africa
Fast forward through commercials and Ban Ki-Moon, the Sect General of the U.N. Yeah, thats how you get me to donate. Put the U.N. support behind it. You could have gotten Bernie Madoff and I would have given it more creedence.
And now, Morgan Freeman. Can I just tell ya, I think he grand kids must have the absolute best time during story hour with Grandpa.
Fast forward through Mississippi's poverty kids
Fast forward through Alicia Keys
Fast forward through commercials
Seacrest banters again with Russell Brand and Jonah Hill. Jim Carrey makes an appearance... and seriously, he looks OLD. And why break up with Jenny McCarthy? Wow.
Queen Latifah introduces Carrie Underwood, singing the song "Change". This strikes me as a song that is going to inspire me, and they'll probably show video of kids. She looks ravishing... but...
Fast forward through Carrie Underwood. No background montages of kids, I'm guessing Carrie is too big of a star to have the camera not on her now.
Fast forward through Hungry People montage
Fast forward through a bunch of poverty stricken kids in church
Fast forward through commercials
Fast forward through Bill and Melinda Gates
Fast forward through who I consider one of the least funny people in America, Wanda Sykes
Back to results. Siobhan, Timmy and Big Mike join Seacrest in the center of the stage. One will head to the Silver Stools of Shame. Siobhan is safe. She goes back to the Couch of Safety. Big Mike is safe. Timmy Urban goes over to the Silver Stools of Shame, joining Aaron Kelly and CJ
Fast forward through David Cook
Fast forward through poor kids in Ethiopia
Fast forward through commercials
Fast forward through Annie Lennox in Africa
Fast forward through Annie Lennox, still in Africa
Fast forward through Annie Lennox singing. She might still be in Africa, who knows. Her song, "No More I Love You"... one of the Top Ten Worst Songs in the History of the World, in my opinion. Just saying.
Fast forward through commercials
And we're back. Its 9:07, and I've gone through 1:52 in just over 30 minutes... back to Queen Latifah and a bunch of others singing "Stairway to Heaven"
Fast forward through Queen Latifah and a bunch of others singing "Stairway to Heaven"
And I fast forwarded right to the end of the DVR recording. Its 9:09, and I quickly go to Fox 6 to see who gets kicked off... and the show is still going. Queen Latifah is standing with Sir Elton John, who doesn't look much older than Jim Carrey that we saw early.
Elton John sits to sing "Your Song"
Fast forward through... wait... crap. I'm watching this live.
Tis okay, though... I can handle this one. I dig early Elton, before we all knew he was singing to a guy. I do like that Elton John is on the show, even though he called the show "incredibly racist" after a Season Three Bottom Three featured black contestants Jennifer Hudson, LaToya London and Fantasia (Jennifer Hudson went home).
And a commercial shows that Kristin Chenoweth to be coming back to "Glee" soon. Looks like I might be watching "Glee" again. If Kristin Chenoweth was on a show called "An Hour of Watching Leaves Dry", I'd watch it.
Aaron Kelly is safe, by the way. I think Timmy Urban is done for the season.
And.... as usual, I'm right.
Because they were pressed for time, I'm sure, as its now 9:24, they don't even let Tim Urban sing the final song. They show his "journey" clips, and then cut out. And thats it for Idol Gives Back.
Okay, okay, here's the number to donate if you want... 1-877-IDOL AID and here's the link if you want to donate.
My Idol resolve is being tested. My willingness to watch and comment, for whatever its worth, be it your entertainment or just posterity, is being tested. Let's look at the facts...
Its 1120pm on a Wednesday night... I've worked, in this order since Sunday--The Happiest Place in the Mall (Sunday)... The Happiest Place in the Mall & then Starbucks (Monday)... Starbucks & then The Happiest Place in the Mall (Tuesday)... Starbucks & then the Happiest Place in the Mall (today)... and tomorrow, I work The Happiest Place in the Mall all day long. I'm exhausted. I'm sleepy.
I haven't seen either the girls or guys this week do their thing. I'll have to, even with fast forwarding, go through about 2 hours of Idol. And its 11:23pm now.
I could watch it all tomorrow night, but tomorrow night is results... and also Survivor. And I also have to pack for leaving town Friday. And The Lovely Steph Leann wants to do a little shopping. And we are leaving somewhere between 330 and 630am on Friday morning. And its 11:24 now.
My middle finger on my left hand has a little cut on the cuticle, and there's a little spot on my index finger of my right hand, where I accidentally poked it with a box cutter, so either hand hurts slightly to type the D, R, E, H and a few other select keys. And now? Its 11:26pm.
But I press on. I move forward. I do it... I do it for you. I do it because...
THIS IS
AMERICAN IDOL
First of all, last week, Tyler Grady went home... I'm okay with that, though The Lovely Steph Leann had problems with it. And Joe Munoz went home, which is a travesty, considering The Wrong Jermaine, John Park and Tim "Wish I Were Keith" Urban all are still on the show. And then for the girls... fine, punt A-Rod. I'm okay with that. But Janellybean? Janell Wheeler goes home and Haeley Vaughn survives?
By the way, that is Captain Tebow with Janell Wheeler... apparently, they were going steady at one point. Who knew?
I seriously am not pointing out any conspiracy here... but sometimes I wonder how much "affirmative action" takes place on this show... just sayin'. I ain't sayin', but just sayin'.
Our judges tonight, still Randy the Dawg, America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeG, Kara the New Hotness, sporting a high-bangs still hot hairdid, and Simon Cowell.
Big Mike is up first. He's singing James Brown's "Its a Man's World", and in his opening video, he makes comments that the judges are supportive, here for them and he takes none of their comments negatively... which makes me laugh, because its almost a direct response, being from the heart or from the producers pencil, to Tyler's and A-Rod's comments last week that the judges didn't give them good criticism and their feedback was way too late. Punks. But Janell? I am in mourning.
Big Mike finishes up, was pretty good, and Randy the Dawg makes the obligatory "I feel like the season just started RIGHT NOW!!" and does a standing O. Don't know if it deserves all that, now. Ellen DeG, Kara the New Hotness and Simon the Cowell heap praise onto Big Mike as well.
John Park is singing a John Mayer song... look, I have nothing against John Park. He seems like a good kid, he's got very womanly hair, and he's got some good tone on "Gravity". But he's not great. He's good. He's decent. He'll do. And you never want your American Idol to be good, decent and just "do". You want feeeee-nominal. And Feeeee-nominal is not John Park. I think Boooooo-ring is John Park.
The judges agree, with Simon the Cowell even predicting that John will head home after this week. I would be okay with that, but there are so many I'd rather see go than John Park. And then see John Park go.
Up next is Casey James with... seriously? I mean, seriously? There should be a list of songs that are no longer allowed to be performed on this show, songs like "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson... "Respect" by Aretha... anything by pre-crack Whitney and pre-skank Mariah... and this song, "I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin McGraw.
Course, if I was Gavin McGraw, I would be thanking the Good Saviour Above for the show American Idol, because without this show, this song would be completely irrelevant. What's that you say? You like that song? Sure. Remember "Flagpole Sitta" or anything by Sum 41... or 42 or whoever? My point exactly. Irrelevant.
Perhaps I'm just bored by this song, and that's why I'm unimpressed with CJ's rendition, though he is adding some flair to it by playing the electric guitar. Randy the Dawg loved it, Ellen DeG loved the guitar playing (it was good, btw)... but Kara the New Hotness didnt like it, telling him he took steps back. Simon the Cowell agrees with Kara.
Next, we have Alex "Don't Call Me Adam" Lambert, the kid with the semi-mullet. He's nervous, just like last week, and he's not the strongest vocal performer, but he's a lot more likable than John Park. He's doing "Everybody Knows" by John Legend. Alex "Don't Call Me Adam" Lambert sits on the stool, guitar in hand, and sounds... well, sounds pretty good. That last note was kinda iffy, but still... not bad.
Randy the Dawg liked it... Ellen DeG comments on his mullet, and liked it... Kara the New Hotness likes him quite a bit... Simon the Cowell says it was a million times better than last week, but tells him he needs more confidence. I agree. I can almost see a Clay Aiken, awkward kid who can sing who morphs into a real contender in about five weeks. You heard it here.
Todrick Hall is singing "What's Love Got to Do With It" by Tina Turner, another big song... remember, he's the guy who did "Since U Been Gone", and though I thought it was fun and different, if not a little sketchy, the judges ripped it apart.
Toddy has changed the arrangement up, like last week, and has a jazzy, smooth sound to the song... I say "smooth", but thats meaning the flow of the song, not his performance.
So, it wasn't perfect--far from it, but here's my bone with the judges. They ask for people to make songs their own, they don't want copycat versions and soundalikes, but when someone like Todrick Hall does something different, they don't just discuss the issues with the tone and voice, they chide him for the version he did. How can you tell what they want?
The Wrong Jermaine, aptly named because Purifory was cut while Sellers lives on, and watching his little video makes me like this guy even less. "Them judges was cut-troat!" he says. He's singing "What's Going On" by Mavin Gaye, and he's sporting some sort of poofy-in-one-spot-on-his-head hairdid...
This song was terrible. Randy the Dawg agrees with me. Ellen DeG agrees with me. Kara the New Hotness agrees with me. Simon the Cowell tells him that he takes great songs and makes them meaningless. As EW pointed out, its as if he's auditioning for Cirque de Soleil: Holleration! The Wrong Jermaine says he knows God, and implies that God will keep him hear. I'm sure Todrick is awesome in church... but not while singing Marvin Gaye tunes.
Andy Garcia's video shows his ability to breakdance. Yeah! That's what I'm talking about! Backspins, popping, the caterpiller... rad. To the max. Tonight, he's singing a James Morrison song. With "You Give Me Something", I admit I'm not a music scholar, and I personally cannot sing worth a lick... but I usually know what's not good. That song? Not good. Not at all.
Randy the Dawg didn't like it, Ellen DeG did. She mentions the "Straight Up" rendition in Hollywood Week, which leads one to wonder how much mileage one guy can get off of one performance. Heaven forbid he pulls off a Blake Lewis "You Give Love a Bad Name" or a David Cook "Hello" kind of performance, they might just give him the title right there. And Kara the New Hotness even tells him he needs to take a song and make it his own... and I'm sure The Wrong Jermaine is thinking "What am I supposed to do?"
Aaron Kelly is up next. He's doing The Temptations... or Four Tops... song "My Girl". I am wondering if The Four Tops and The Temptations are actually the same band. No one knows for sure. Seacrest says the song is from The Four Tops, but I'm not convinced.
He seems a lot more confident than last week, but if you put your fingers up to your throat, then tapped as you sang, it would sound much like we are hearing right now. I don't want to give up on this kid yet, though... he's got some potential.
Randy the Dawg liked the first half of the song. Ellen DeG told him the song is forgettable. Kara the New Hotness really liked it. Simon the Cowell didn't like it at all. Kara the New Hotness comments that it was good that Aaron did his own version of the song. The Wrong Jermaine just slapped himself.
Tim "Not Keith" Urban is doing "Come On Get High". The kid has good hair, and has some Troy Bolton kind of look to him... again, I like this kid overall, though I'm pretty sure he's not my next American Idol. As he was singing, I sort of got distracted by Facebook. So, I kinda heard it... but not enough to tell you it was great. But... it wasn't bad.
Randy the Dawg didn't like it, neither did Ellen DeG. In fact, she tells him he should act, maybe on "Glee", and do singing as a second skill. Kara the New Hotness tells him he should have made the song his own. The Wrong Jermaine just kicked a hole in the wall and shot a puppy. Simon the Cowell... liked it. And when Simon the Cowell says he liked it, Tim "Not Keith" Urban's jaw drops and mouths "wow".
As Seacrest calls out his phone number, Tim "Not Keith" Urban looks down at his fingers for a minute, taking a second to get 9 digits in the air. Funny.
And finally, its Lee Dewyze, who's singing "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder. I like this guy alot, he's got a cool voice and seems like he can take that "rocker" status easily, and doesn't even have to try, unlike Casey James, who doesn't quite fit the rocker mold.
I'm not really familiar with this song... but its not bad, Lee's version of it. Its all... well, pitchy. Randy the Dawg tells him that its good that he took chances. Ellen DeG loved it. Kara the New Hotness dug it. Simon the Cowell liked it.
For the night... last week, my favorite was Joe Munoz, and he's gone... I hope the same fate doesn't befell Alex Lambert...
Alex "Don't Call Me Adam" Lambert... Lee Dewyze... Big Mike... CJ... Aaron Kelly... Andy Garcia... Tim "Not Keith" Urban... Todrick Hall... John Park... The Wrong Jermaine...
If I had to pick The Dude Half-Dozen, I'm going with Alex Lambert... Big Mike... Casey James... Andy Garcia.. Lee DeWyze... and Aaron Kelly, getting a small nudge over Tim Urban. Its time for Todrick, The Wrong Jermaine and John Park to get bounced--but you know at least of them will make it into the Top 12. Ain't saying. Just sayin'.
