The Potential Awesomeness of Death By Misadventure

Aaaaaand.... we're back.
Been a somewhat relaxing weekend, taking a break from most things computer and interwebby, and though I probably could have blogged about four times, I thought I'd leave it til today... watched a ton of movies this weekend, both at the theater, on television, on DVR and on DVD/Blu-Ray, so I'll do my best to shoot through that soon enough.

What else have we got to talk about?  Well, for starters, there's the remaining 40 Coolest Things of 2010, and now that it's almost August, meaning the year is about 60% over, I'm running a bit late on that.  I blame Idol.  Typically, the goal is to have all 100 listed in January, but with American Idol coverage, that's 2 to 3 posts per week, and its just exhausting.  And if I miss one single Idol update, I automatically hear from Brad Latta, the Clouds in My Coffee Ombudsman, with great vengeance and furious anger. 

And there is not only one Disney trip to deal with, from February, there is a Disneyland trip!  And a billion people... okay, maybe not a billion, maybe more like six.  Or eight... have asked me "which do you like better, World or Land?" and its a question that definitely deserves an answer.

Of course, Amy Winehouse died.  Is it sad that... well, I don't really care that much.  I guess I should--perhaps apathy is more dangerous than a hatred, but I'm just being honest.  Wasn't a fan of her music, really, and its to no one's surprise that Amy was found dead.  At 27.  Though, and please excuse me if I cross the "too soon" line, but I'm not sure she deserves to be added to the infamous 27 Club, along side Hendrix, Joplin, Cobain, Morrison and Rolling Stones co-founder Brian Jones.   We still remember those names decades later... in fifteen years, I doubt anyone will remember Winehouse with the same kind of reverence... perhaps she'll be listed alongside those other other names that died at 27, like Fat Pat the rapper and Kristen Pfaff from Hole. 

Not to diminish Amy Winehouse's death... its a tragic thing.  And I'm... well, I could say fearful, but that's not the right word... maybe more of "concerned" or "curious" that someone like Lindsay Lohan is headed down the same path. 

By the way, Brian Jones died in 1969 of drowning in a swimming pool.  His coroner's report literally stated, "cause of death by misadventure".  I have no idea if drugs were involved for sure, though the report went on to say that his liver and heart were enlarged by drug and alcohol abuse.  But take the drugs and booze part out, how great would it be to live a full life, then die at 82 with your coroner's report saying, "Death by misadventure"?   Awesome. 

Three potentially awesome ways to die by misadventure... (1) Not securing your lap bar on a coaster, one that flies off the track when coming down the steepest hill... (2) Texting and driving around Talladega Motor Speedway at 188 miles per hour... (3) Simply participating in The Running of the Bulls.

Didn't say any of them were smart.  Just misadventurous.

And as the fall goes on, I guess there will be more and more mentions of Campbell's or Lorelei's impending arrival.  The Lovely Steph Leann is just over 20 weeks, and that constant state of nausea has gone away just to be replaced with a constant state of heartburn.  I feel bad for her, as I sit and watch "A Fistful of Dollars" on The Movie Channel (like I'm doing now). 

Randomly, we sometimes look at each other and I'll say, "Holy crap.  There's going to be a person who calls you mommy and me daddy.  Dear God, how frightening is that?" and she hangs her head in acknowledgement and shame.  I mean, I can barely be responsible for my own self, much less some runt that is depending on me for food and shelter and clothes.  But man, the tax breaks!   When I suggested holding that kid in until January 1st, so I'd be able to get through the holidays without missing work, she said, "No way!  We need it for the tax write off for 2011!"  That's her, always thinking.

Speaking of "A Fistful of Dollars", its been on my DVR for something like, six months.  Its part of the "Dollars Trilogy" from the 60s, which also contains "For A Few Dollars More" and "The Good, The Bad and The Ugly", all starring Clint Eastwood, and all considered the most popular of the "Spaghetti Westerns"--essentially, westerns made by Italians back in the day, known for their music and style and such... check out the Wiki page on it if you want more.

Anyway, the movie isn't bad.  Don't misunderstand me--its not for everyone... if you don't like westerns, and certainly if you don't like Clint, you won't like this at all. 

That being said, Clint Eastwood is as cool as a cucumber, with his poncho and his low hat and his cheap rolled cigar in his mouth, as he plays "The Stranger", or "The Man With No Name"--he is actually called "Joe" late in the film, in a pay-attention-or-you-will-miss-it moment.  The Stranger rides into San Miguel, this little Mexican border town, and ends up in the middle of a gang war over ownership of the town.  Because he's apparently a capitalist, he actually ends up playing both sides against each other, taking money from each for various reasons and tasks.  Of course, the good guy in The Stranger ends up taking over for the greedy guy in The Stranger, and a pretty intense duel happens between he and the bad guys. 

What sets this movie apart from most of those 60s westerns is the music, which is full of flutes and violins and catchy riffs, the style, which is everything from the color to the scenery to the script, and the story itself... the bad guys are only bad because they don't like each other, while the good guy isn't all that great... 

This isn't a film I'll watch over and over, or maybe not even again, and I don't know that I would consider this in my Top 500 films of all time--and yes, that list does exist--but I'm glad I watched it.  Its enough to make me check out the next two in the trilogy.

Boy, that post went everywhere, didn't it?

The Summer of Blogging Day Forty Four

Seven Things

The Lovely Steph Leann and I have always been told, "You guys will be great parents!" in some form or fashion... either she was told she'd be a great mom, or I have been told how great of a dad I'd be, or collectively, as a parental unit, we've been discussed under the mantra of ideal parents.

When talking about this particular line of conversation that we keep having with people, and mind you this was some months ago, maybe even last year, The Lovely Steph Leann remarked, "Do these people even know us?"

Well, whether they do or not, she and I... we're going to be parents.  It's almost a big unnerving, and certainly is enough to weird both of us out.  I mean... a parent?  Like, there is a kid coming that will look to The Lovely Steph Leann as he/she's mommy?  Well, that is actually not a bad thing, and upon reflecting on it, its a great thing.  She's awesome.  However, that little mush of cells will call me daddy at some point, and that is kinda scary.

So anyway, rather than waxing poetic about finding out, and who knew and all that, I wanted to look ahead to our kid getting here... its been noted on this here website that we'll go with Campbell Isaiah for a boy, calling him "Camp", though I'm wondering if his friends like Will Fisher and Willy Roose and Colin Robinson, or his lady friends like Mattie Sherman or Clara Tuck or Sunshine Ray will call him Cam... for a girl, we'll go with Lorelei Addison, calling her simply Lorelei, and yes, that was the name of Lauren Graham's character on "Gilmore Girls", and yes, that is part of the inspiration, but no, our daughter will not be named after Lorelei Gilmore.

Looking ahead to Camp or Lorelei being here, I came up with a few things that we really want to instill in our child.  Obviously, like any parents, we want to make sure our kids understand things like responsibility, accountability, respect and the like... but also like any parents, we might place a higher value on some things than other parents would, and vice versa on other things...

So, I came up with a short list of things that, thanks to Daddy over here, Campbell or Lorelei (I say "or"... its really an "and" because we'll teach this to all our children) will be familiar with at the least, and deeply ensconced in at the most--Mommy will help with some, others I'm sure she'll leave to me...

1) THE LOVE OF JESUS
That's any Christ Following family's prayer and hope, that their children will grow up recognizing the love and sacrifice of Jesus Christ.  While we will never force God on our kids, we will make sure they are fully aware of Christ, His death and Resurrection and we pray that one day, Camp and Lorelei will decide for themselves that a life with Christ is immensely more satisfying than a life without.

We'll also hopefully engrain in them how wonderful and meaningful a church family and church fellowship will be, so when Camp is 14, he has somewhere to go for help after he comes out, and when she's 16, Lorelei will be able to minister to her prison boyfriend.  Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

2) DISNEY 

This should come as no surprise to anyone who has any knowledge of us and who we are... we will give our kid plenty of Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Goofy, Pluto, Lightnin' McQueen, Mater, Belle, Hercules, Cinderella, Mulan, Rapunzel, Simba, Genie, Princess Gisele and so on and so forth.  I've already had people tell me that they are holding open debates on how soon Lorelei and/or Campbell will head to The Most Magical Place on Earth, and even though I always said we would wait until our kids are at least potty trained and able to walk on their own, who am I kidding?  We'd probably deliver the child on Main Street USA if there was a way to do so.

Gotta get Mike and Sulley into the kid's life early, and often

I have often said that The Lovely Steph Leann will be heartbroken if our daughter isn't into the princesses, or at the least, into Daisy Duck and Minnie Mouse.  I fear the day when our child declares that she loves Shrek and has forsaken The Mouse.  It is then that we will question our parenting, and perhaps will give the child up for adoption for fear that we can no longer raise them right.  Its the least we can do.

Actually, I think I'd like our kid to be exposed to "Monster's Inc" relatively early... monsters can be scary until you realize they are terrified by human kids... I plan on putting my stuffed Mike Wazowski with my child soon to let them know Mike & Sully are awesome. 

The moment I hear my own kid singing the words to "Hannah Jane",
my favorite Hootie song, that's the moment I know I did it right

3) HOOTIE & THE BLOWFISH
I say "Hootie", but you can also add on Sheryl Crow, Blues Traveler, Boyz II Men, Pre-Skank Mariah, Pre-Crack Whitney, Journey and their ilk.  I will be feeding little Lorelei or young Camp a steady diet of 80s and 90s music all throughout their childhood. 

Yes, I know, I know, there will be Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in there, and I'm sure they'll pick up other kiddy songs along the way, be it The Imagination Movers or some crap on Nick Jr, but you are darn tootin' my offspring will know something about "Hold My Hand" or "Only Wanna Be With You", or how awesome "Motownphilly" can be at high volume in a Kia Soul. 

4)  THE WWE
This is the one I get the most pushback on... but so?  I can't wait for that day when I curl up with mine own youngling in my arms, and we take in an episode of WWE Raw, and I let them know to cheer for John Cena and The Rock and to boo for the likes of The Miz, CM Punk and Sheamus. 

"I am not having my daughter watch the WWE," declares The Lovely Steph Leann.   I would guess that she'll want a night off at some point, and I'll do my best to make it Monday night.  But if its Friday night, then WWE Smackdown will suffice.

5)  STAR WARS
Another one that The Lovely Steph Leann is pushing back on, though perhaps not as hard as #4 above.  But as a young boy myself, Star Wars became an integral part of my life--I saw The Empire Strikes Back as a five year old, and from there on out, my childhood was partially defined by a love of not just Luke, Han, Leia and Vader, but also a love of the imagination, creativity and passion that came behind it. 

Kids love Jar Jar.  My son will probably dig Darth Maul too.  A dad
can only hope, anyway.

Ten years ago, I was afraid Star Wars might become irrelevant.  It would be the loved and influential movies of the 70s that only people who are around my age would value and cherish... but with the three prequels and now the award winning The Clone Wars: The Animated Series out, there's no reason for Star Wars to fade as a memory.  It is prime to influence mine own children with the likes of George Lucas' fine creations.

Now, I'm not saying that I'm going to bust out some dark "Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith" fresh out of the womb (that one might be a decade down the road), but "Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace" or "Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope" isn't out of the question in the first six months of life.  Kids love Jar Jar.  For that matter, kids love Ewoks, so "Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi" might also be an option.

6) DAVE RAMSEY
Never too young, I always say.  Okay, I don't always say that.  In fact, I just started saying that.  In more fact, I just said that really for the first time, "never too young", at least in reference to the starting age of Dave Ramsey's financial peace.

I want Lorelei and Camp to both grow up never knowing debt.  I want them growing up not only know the value of a dollar, but the value of earning it.  I want them growing up thinking that if they want something, they have to do what they can to get it, and never expect things to be handed to them. 

Now, I'm not saying that we won't give them gifts, or buy them things all along, I mean, there are things I'll see all the time I'll want my kids to have... but I don't want them ever expecting things to just be handed to them all time.   I like th FPU way of teaching your kids chores--some they do because they live there are are expected to do, and some as a way to earn money... and out of every dollar, 10 percent of that goes into a jar that say "Giving", another 15 percent goes into a jar that says "Saving" and the rest can be used for whatever. 

Wish someone, anyone, had taught me the discipline of Three Jars. 

7) COMMON SENSE
Going along with the above "Dave Ramsey", I just want my kids to be responsible.  Responsible for their own actions.  Teach them how to give, but to take care of their own house first.  Teach them that the government is not the answer, they themselves are.   Teach them that this is the great country in the history of the entire free world, teach them that this country is the good guy.  Teach them that not everyone in the world, or even this country, will be nice to them, teach them that some people will be downright mean and hurtful, teach Lorelei that not all guys will be good and teach Camp that chicks can be overwhelming and over-dramatic, teach them that a life as a Christ Follower, things won't necessarily be easy, and sometimes might downright suck (though I'll try to use another word) and teach them that you know what, life just isn't fair...

...but also teach them that God is a wonderful God, and He has a created a beautiful world around us, teach them that there are great people in the world, and teach them that those people are created in God's image and that everyone deserves respect (until they don't) and everyone deserves for someone to be nice to them (until they don't). 

And yes, when they get older, if Lorelei and Campbell want to be Democrats, that's fine... but they had better be able to tell me why they believe that way.  They need to know that  Rush Limbaugh can be believed (mostly because if they pay attention, it makes sense) Keith Olbermann is full of crap (mostly because if they pay attention, he makes no sense) and finally, yes they will get spanked on the backside when they are bad, regardless of what is politically correct.

I think I'd also like Lorelei to be familiar with Audrey Hepburn movies, and Campbell to know about DieHard, but that's later. 

I'd like to say we're going to be great parents, but The Lovely Steph Leann would say, "Have you met us?"

The Summer of Blogging Day Twenty Four

Idol Need Is Love, Love (To Be Continued)

It's going on 930, and we haven't started Idol just yet... The Lovely Steph Leann has spent the evening with Mama Ruthless and Big Daddy Ron, doing whatever it is she does when she does what she does there, and I finally texted her and said "Uh... the show is 2 hours... and I don't have to work tomorrow..."  She said, "I know, I'll be there soon..."  That was about 820. 

And she just got home.  So now, she's plopped down on the couch, Snuggie in lap, and she's ready.  I'm ready.  We're ready. 

THIS IS

AMERICAN IDOL

Last week, it was brutal.  The contestants survived the first cuts... then group night... then solo performances... and now we are down to about 60... but it gets better.  They are headed to Vegas, and have 24 hours to learn and perform a song from The Beatles catalog.

And we will see the Top 24.  And I know for a fact of one heavy favorite from early on that gets the ax during the final cuts.  And J-Lo breaks down when telling them they didn't make it.

From 327 to 61 people... and now, let's work on getting to 24.  They are dividing up into duos and trios, and are performing at the stage of "Beatles: Love" Cirque de Soleil.   Vocal coach Peggy Blu tells them "If you are still reading lyrics by now, you are in trouble, because this is a gig."

The pressure of perfection begins to take its toll on the contestants, and Lauren Alaina bursts into tears.   We then get a taste of Peggy Blu again, as Seacrusty calls her "The vocal coach from HELL!" and she seems like it, as she tears into Thia Megia and some chick named Melinda that I don't know if we've seen.

And we get the quick montage of those who say... "I've never heard a Beatles song..."  Like, seriously?  I just paused it, looked at The Lovely Steph Leann and said, "Okay, let's be clear... Lorelei Addison and Campbell Isaiah WILL hear The Beatles.  Maybe they won't care for them, and that's fine, but I'm not having a 20 year old kid telling American 'I've never heard a Beatles song'.  Not my kids, no ma'am.  Even if we have a black or Chinese kid!"

She responds, "Oh, I know, they will know The Beatles.  They will know them all..." and we list artists like The Carpenters, Herman's Hermits, Hootie, Sheryl Crow, Lady Antebellum and more, artists that our kids will know.  This is just good parenting. 

So, the 61 will take the stage in twos and threes, and they will either go on or they won't.  First up, James Durban and Stefano Langone doing "Get Back".  They sound pretty good, kicking the show off right, with James doing the crazy wail.  Steven Tyler liked it, Randy the Dawg liked it and J-Lo smiles too.

Pia Toscano and another chick we barely know are up next, doing "Can't Buy Me Love".   Karen Rodriguez is the other chick, by the way.  Not bad, good harmony, and J-Lo says, "You two really get it!"  Steven Tyler thought it took off.  Randy the Dawg says it was very nice.

Jacob Lusk, Haley Reinhart and Nambia Adaniadapopopo are doing a trio, singing "The Long and Winding Road."  All three sound pretty good, with Jacob doing what is becoming his signature runs and soul singing.  Once again, we have a pretty good performance.  J-Lo loved it.  Steven Tyler said it was stupendous.  Randy the Dawg tells them to go for it!   Jacob responds that he tried to show restraint, not "wanting to take it to Ebenezer Baptist, y'all..."

We see groups doing "Eleanor Rigby" (one of my two favorite The Beatles songs), "Let It Be" and "Something", featuring Julie Zorilla, my current favorite.  I mention to The Lovely Steph Leann, "I am waiting for the bad songs to come up..."

Seacrusty announces three more, and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Who?  That chick in the middle?  Never seen her, ever..."  They are doing "I Saw Her Standing There".  Random thought--the Tiffany version was my favorite song for like, a month or two in 1988.  Just sayin'.  Randy the Dawg really liked the group, J-Lo just liked it and Steven Tyler thought they all nailed it.  I'm guessing these are three black people who had never heard an Aerosmith song until Idol started. 

Another duo is doing "Blackbird", another one of my top The Beatles songs.   Kendra Something and Paul McDonald, both from Nashville, sound great.  He's got a cool voice, and The Lovely Steph Leann shouts, "That was awesome!"  J-Lo loved it.  Steven Tyler thought it was beautiful, and Randy the Dawg liked the harmonies.

Another duo sings "Help", and another sings "Ticket to Ride" and still another sings "With a Little Help (from my friends)".  And now we cut to The Overdramatic Ashley Sullivan.  I'm so tired of this chick.  Even if she makes the Top 24, she will fall apart every week... she cannot handle this.  Plus, she's really annoying. 

And we see The Overdramatic Ashley Sullivan using this trip to Vegas, this Idol audition, for something else... she and her boo head to a Vegas Chapel and get married.  No joke.  She's just... just... eeww.  She's so Waffle Housey Waitressy looking.  So The Overdramatic Ashley Sullivan becomes The Overdramatic Ashley SomethingElse.  I would like her to become the The Gone Ashley Whatever. 

Hell's Vocal Coach Peggy Blu sees her kids come on stage now.  Melinda Something and Thia Megia, doing "Here Comes the Sun".   Hell's Vocal Coach Peggy Blu whispers to the camera, "Oh Lord..."  Randy the Dawg praises Thia, but not Melinda.  J-Lo follows suit.  Steven Tyler does as well.

Now, up is The Overdramatic Ashley Blahblah and Sophia Yaddayadda, doing "We Can Work It Out".  The camera cuts to the judges quickly, and their faces tell the story.  Not good.  J-Lo sits stone faced, and this is going to be bad, ending with an Ashley breakdown.  Steven Tyler says it wasn't the best performance from either one.  Randy the Dawg concurs, and J-Lo just says, "I'm sorry." 

Lauren Alaina, Denise Jackson and Deep Voiced Scotty have had a disastrous rehearsal, and had to pick a different song.  They are doing "Goodbye/Hello".  I thought it was going to be a trainwreck, and it turns out to be pretty good.  Not the best vocals I've ever heard, but it is a fun take on the song.  Randy the Dawg looks perplexed.  J-Lo says it sounds good when they were in harmony.  Steven Tyler said the song didn't fit them, but recognized the attempt.  Randy the Dawg said it was funny but not perfect.

Carson Higgins and Caleb Howley teamed up, and so did Funky Chris Medina and Casey Abrams... the former didn't do so great, the latter did pretty doggone good.   The Traitorous Jordon Dorsey, Robbie Rosen and Aaron Sanders close out this part of the Idol auditions with "Got To Get You Into My Life".  And it was pretty good.  Randy the Dawg liked it well enough, J-Lo liked it, and Steven Tyler liked it. 

Now the preformances are over.  The stage is clear.  And now, 61 people will be whittled down.   Names will be called... Thia... Deep Voiced Scotty... The Turncoat Jordon... Robbie Rosen... Ashton... Lauren Alaina... they all step forward.   The ones who stepped forward go through.  So did 33 more.  And who did we lose?  Carson Higgins didn't make it.  Denise Jackson didn't make it.  The Overdramatic Ashley didn't make it.  Thank you judges. 

Now we are down to 40, and they return back to Los Angeles to "Sing for their lives..." as Seacrusty puts it.   The first steps were all smiles.  The next step was Hollywood.  Then Vegas... and now back to LA, they have to walk whats being called The Green Mile, in a hangar.  Each of the 40 remaining contestants sing one more song, and the next day, the judges call them one by one to tell them that yes, they are in the Top 24--meaning they will get voted on by America from here on out--or they are done with Idol--meaning their journey stops here. 

Each one walks the long walk to the judges, and first up is Naboo Amabagdodopoopoo.  She sits in tears while the judges talk to her.  Steven Tyler tells her she has made it, so Nababa becomes the first chick to make it.  I kinda knew she would.

Holly Cavanaugh is up now (Except for like, five or six people, I have no idea who is even left in the show...).  Originally, Randy the Dawg told her no, but J-Lo and Steven Tyler put her through.  She begins the long walk to the judges platform to find her fate.  On the small circular platform are three chairs with the judges on one side, and five or six feet away, a single chair facing them.  Brutal.  Holly didn't make it.   J-Lo tells her that she, J-Lo, was outvoted, and that she wanted to put Holly through, but Steven Tyler and Randy the Dawg say no.  They say she's 17, and that she is talented enough to come back next year and contend for the whole thing.

Clint Jun "Junbug" Gamboa

Big Lakeisha Lewis, who we have barely seen the entire show, and Alex Ryan, another "who?", don't make it.  I ask The Lovely Steph Leann, "who is that guy?" and she shrugs.   And here's Clint Jun Gamboa, the guy who cut Jacee Badauex's feet out from under him by kicking him out of their group late into the evening.   I have to ask, how many pairs of glasses does this kid even have?  Like, he's got on a different pair every time they show him.  Randy the Dawg tells him that he is through to the Top 24.  One chick, one dude so far.

I can see that... he's got a great voice, but I think the who Jacee thing will come back to bite him.  And maybe it didn't go down completely like it was portrayed, but Idol portrayed him to be the bad, bad guy, and I wonder if America will forget that.  I don't think so.

Now, its Haley Reinhart making the long Green Mile walk to either be executed or recieve a stay of said execution.  Steven Tyler tells her she has made it, and thats two chicks down. 

Sixteen year old Deandre Brackensick doesn't make it... and yes, I typed that sentence before he even made it to the Judges Platform.  I knew he wouldn't make it.  He's got Kenny G hair.  Random observation.

Paul McDonald is walking up, and though we haven't seen a ton of him so far, he's got a distinctive voice that I hope will make it through.   He even sang an original song on his final performance, and now he heads to the Judges Platform.  If he makes it through, I can totally see a David Cook and/or Kris Allen type transformation.   And he makes it through, taking up the 2nd dudes spot. 

Ashton Jones walks up... and I really like her.  She even did Whitney on her final performance, and if you can do Whitney well, I'm all yours.  J-Lo builds her up, calling her consistant, but reminds her of those bad moments too.  And she makes it!  Three girls down, two guys down, 19 spots left. 

Funky Chris Medina, one of my favorite nicknames in all of Idol's seasons, walks slowly up the walkway.  And I know what's coming... I know he doesn't make it.  And The Lovely Steph Leann is going to come close to tears, as J-Lo will most certainly do in just a moment.  Remember, he's the guy who's sticking by and caring for his girlfriend who had a terrible accident, leaving her needing constant care.  And the tears come for J-Lo as she tells him he doesn't make it.  Funky Chris Medina goes home.  J-Lo wipes a tear and says, "I didn't want tell him no.  I don't want to do this anymore."   Randy the Dawg and Steven Tyler actually have to console her. 

Seacrusty gives Funky Chris Medina a big hug, as does several of the contestants.  I really liked him, and I'm genuinely sad to see him leave. 

The Lovely Steph Leann wipes a tear away.

So here's the running count...

The chicks... Haley Reinhart... Ashton Jones... Nobobo Agrabahpo...
The dudes... Paul McDonald... Clint Junbug

Tomorrow Night... we finish the Top 24! 

Katy Hudson Perry Kissed an Idol (and she liked it)

Back from Dale's Southern Grill, its just after 8:45pm CST... we're here... I'm in the recliner, laptop atop the lap... The Lovely Steph Leann on the couch, blanket in hand, ready to cover... Seacrest on the air...

THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL

Its Los Angeles this time around!  Hollywood, movie stars, and 11,000 of our closest friends who think they can sing.  Don't forget--My Girl McPhee came from this area... and her blond hair?  Not quite.  Not quite at all.

Avril Lavigne, who hasn't been relevant since 2006, is tonight's guest judge... and first up?  Neil Goldstein, who's ego is almost as big as his hair.  Hey Neal, "Facts of Life" called, Blair Warner wants her hair back. 

Neil goes on about wanting to sing to express love and help people and so on... The Lovely Steph Leann mumbles, "Oh, Lord..."

When he comes in and talks to the judges, suddenly this weird tick thing starts.  "Rock & Roll Dreams Comes True" is his song of choice.  The first line is "Remember everything that I told you..." and then he blanks.  Simon says, "How ironic..."

If you are singing, and you take your index finger and tap your throat as you sing, and that's how Neil sounds.  He is not going through, and he refuses to leave, saying, "There is no reality except for what we make for ourselves!" then goes on to argue with Kara the Hotness, Randy and Simon, while Avril starts laughing... and I'm getting the sense that he's putting on a little bit.

The Lovely Steph Leann observes, "His hair is... really far off of his forehead..."

And here comes a heartwarming story from a guy named Jim Ranger, who is a worship pastor, and has about 83 kids.  Do all worship pastors have this many kids?  Doesn't Kris Dekker, from Valleydale Chrch (an sbc fellowship) have like, 9?  Or is that Amanda Cranston?  Anyway...

He's got much cooler hair than the aforementioned Neil, and he's singing a song he wrote called, "Drive."  Simon likes the voice, Avril just rambles about something before saying no, Kara the Hotness says yes and Randy says yes.   So Avril?  She's kind of annoying.  And giggly.  Which is a bad combination.

So the next montage is those who didn't make it... including a guy who makes The Lovely Steph Leann yelp, one guy who makes me laugh with his "Kung Fu Fighting" and another guy who looks like Danny Zucko, but doesn't sing as well.

Here comes a guy who excels in martial arts (The Lovely Steph Leann: "Oh, baby... this is going to be bad... oh no oh no... please don't his that high note here...").  

Damien Lefavor starts to sing destroy, "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling"  Simon says, "You should just go."  Damien leaves, though he thinks the bad note at the end is what killed it for him.  Uh...

Scary Girl shows up, and suddenly Avril just loves her.  Mary Powers is singing, "Love is a Battlefield" and... well, she's really not bad.  She's actually pretty good... Mary is dressed like your typical rock star, dark, dyed hair, eyeliner, punk outfit... she gets four yes votes, and she heads to Hollywood.   And Mary's daughter comes in to meet her hero Simon, and she's speechless...

And of course, we get our share of The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert wannabes... and one guy recorded a demo for said Gay American Idol Runner Up, and apparently Gay American Idol Runner Up liked it--so sez AJ Mendoza.

You figure he might do well... but "Cult of Personality" by Living Colour, known for being one of the world's first rock bands with a black dude in it... the song is fantastic.  The audition is terrible.  Terrible.

So Katy Hudson Perry is up now as a guest judge ("I'm glad Avril is gone.  I don't think I'd like her in real life"--The Lovely Steph Leann).  Did you know that Katy used to be a Christian rocker?  I've got her CD upstairs somewhere.  Its okay, I guess.  Though I can honestly say, like Lady GaGa, I've not heard much Katy Hudson Perry.  I'm sure she's a good singer and all, but not my thing.

I'm so afraid that Lorelei Addison will be raised in a good Christian Cabana, attending Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) and she'll end up like Katy Perry... using her God given talents to hook up with a bad British comedian, wearing booby-flashing outfits and singing songs about joining the First Lesbiterian Church. 

Here's Austin Fullmer.  His shirt looks like it was bodypainted onto his chest... not only is he trying to do Cheap Trick, he's trying to do the accents.  British accents, like Mick Jaggar... I don't think Cheap Trick is even British.  I liked Cheap Trick, though, because that guy in their band had that guitar that had like, four necks on it... that was just cool.  When I was in 7th grade, I'd watch their videos on MTV just to see that guitar.

And Austin doesn't make it, and blames Simon. 

Here's another failure montage... and a girl crying because she didn't make it.  A guy crying it because he didn't make it.  Another girl crying.  And another.  And another.  And a wailing chick.  And there's Sanjaya's crying girl who didn't make it in the auditions this year.  The Lovely Steph Leann picked it up.

Heartwarming backstory of Andrew Garcia, who has tried to not join a gang and tried to live a straight life.  Dad starts crying.  Cindy Jo is openly weeping right now.

He's pretty good, though, in his audition  He's got that Michael Buble kind of voice, even though he looks like a Mexican landscaper with glasses.   Simon says, "The only person today that I genuinely believe is a good, good singer."  Kara the Hotness liked it alot, Randy the Dawg tells him he gotz mad vokulz, and Katy Hudson Perry says it gave her chills.

Tasha Layton?  She's this chick who is a personal assistant by day and by night a.... minister?... really?   I want to be a fly on the wall when Tasha and Jim Ranger discuss theology.  She sings "Baby Baby Baby" by Joss Stone, and it sounds great.

All four judges say yes, and Tasha is off to Hollywood.

And in the teaser we saw this contestant that I thought was a chick... and then he talked.  Jason Greene needs to visit the ProActiv booth at the mall.  And he's singing... "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls.  I comment that he misses a line in the song, and from under the blanket The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I don't think it matters... make it stop."

I've got this song on cassette single.  I know every line to this song, but I can't remember Philippians 3:10.  I need a Jesus moment.  I think I caught the clap from just watching that audition.  I need the H1N1 shot.  Jason Greene needs to be shot. 

Finally, here's a guy who grew up in foster care.  He's been in 2,944 different families.  In a single year.  He lost seven parents in a span of a week due to meth and self rising flour.

Chris Golightly has had a hard life.  Cindy Jo is blubbering incessently.  "Stand By Me" is his song of choice, and I think the teaser built it up more than they should have... I think he's good.  Not brilliant.  He kind of looks like Justin Guarini, and Kara the Hotness and Katy Hudson Perry disagree... but both give them a yes.  As does Simon and Randy. 

There were 22 people that made it through tonight... but we saw like, four good ones?  That's all we can see?  Seriously? 

For tonight, only two stood out to me... Tasha Layton... Andrew Garcia

The 100 Coolest Things of 2009... 100 to 91

Here we go...  by the way, there are several videos on this post--if you reading this in Facebook, then click over to Clouds in My Coffee, so you can see everything properly.  Then come back to Facebook, search Clouds in My Coffee and become a fan!  We're 110 strong!  Let's be 113!  Yeah!

#100... Pixar Fulfills a Wish
Simply put, a little girl's dying wish was to see "Up".  Pixar heard the story, and they sent a representative to the little girl's house with a copy, before the movie was even released.  With her eyes unable to even open, her mom described for her what was happening--her mom, who had no idea the movie itself dealt with a death.  The rep left lots of Disney and Pixar swag, and after the movie, left with the copy.  The little girl died later that day.  And I love this story because Pixar didn't announce it, they didn't publicize it, they only did it because it was the right thing to do.  The mom told the story.  You can read the full story here... its sad... but its great that a company in today's day and age would be so kind.

#99... "Fireflies" by Owl City
I've heard its about a dream... I've heard that maybe its some sort of trippy drug reference... me?  I remember an area of Troy's golf course, an area that, when visited after dark at a certain time of the year, its just full of buzzy fireflies, too many to count.  My friends and I called it Firefly Junction.  Never slept out, there, though--the dew was too much.  Anyway, this song makes me smile, whatever its about.  MZ told me its her favorite song of the year... its not mine, but it does make the list.  Here's the sample (it will ask to open iTunes if you have it, otherwise you can hear it on the Apple page)

98... A Real Life High School Musical
Just like in the south, there are high school rivalries everywhere.  This one pitted Shorewood High against nearby Shorecrest High in a video contest up in Seattle--Mindy D'A!  Why didn't you tell me about this?!?!

The rules were simple... film a music video (lip sync, now termed a "Lip Dub"), one single take, one single shot, and involve everyone.  Shorecrest struck first, with a rendition of "Hey Ya".   You know, its pretty good... its kinda funny, with some guy in a Power Ranger costume, among other random things.  They seemed like they practiced quite a bit for it, and a bunch of high school chicks (Paging Wooderson, paging Mr. David Wooderson) shaking it like a Polaroid Picture.

Then Shorewood did theirs.  And in my mind, there is no contest.  After seeing "(500) Days of Summer", they elected to go with a video of "You Make My Dreams Come True" by Hall & Oates.   I don't know how long they practiced it, but according to the story on Obama-TV, "Shorewood responded by popping open a can of "Hall & Oates" whoop-a**".  (That's just a fun line, ain't it?)

They filmed it, then played and synced it BACKWARDS.  So the paper airplanes are flying backwards, everyone is jumping up onto their chairs backwards, people are walking forward, which means they are walking backwards in real life, the swimming team in speedos (!) is running backwards, people are singing BACKWARDS.  This is brilliant!  The lead guy spent tons of time learning the lines backwards and getting them lined up with the music.   The link to the first one is above, you can watch it, then watch the one below, and judge for yourself. 

Oh, and challenge yourself... try NOT to smile and sing along.  Its quite difficult.



Come on Samson!  Can't you challenge Geneva, or Kinston or Zion Chapel in a Lib Dub Throwdown?  Let's do it, Tigers!

And, just as I'd like to find ways to use the phrase "Read the rules, shankapotamus", I also would like to find a way to somehow "Pop open a can of 'Hall & Oates' whoop-a**" in real life.  Ah, dreams.

97... "The Hammer"
As I watched about 50 movies this year, they are abundant on this list.  And this is the first of 25 on the list, not counting actors or performances.

This was written and produced by Adam Carolla--you might remember him from "The Man Show", a show that I never really watched (any show that featured women called "Juggies" probably wasn't a show that I really should have made appointment TV), but that doesn't take away from the fact Adam is hilarious.  His podcast ranks high on this list, and I had heard about his movie, so I got it on Netflix.

Its really a simple story of a Jerry, a carpenter who was a former boxer, and was brought back into the ring to train and try and make the upcoming Olympic boxing team.  He's going up against several much younger prospects, including Robert, a rising boxing star.  He's also up against the manager, who sees Jerry as nothing more than a sparring and training partner for Robert, who he really wants in the Olympics.  There's also a small love story plot, featuring Heather Juergensen as Lindsay, though that side story is small, remains cute and doesn't distract from the overall Olympic boxing theme.

I really liked this movie... as Carolla has ranted about on his own podcast, the movie is Rated R, but for no good reason.  It's listed as "violence", but its a BOXING movie.  I think there might be one single F-bomb, maybe two, but I don't remember... other than that, its probably a movie that I'd watch with Campbell Isaiah if it came out, without much worry about bad things happening onscreen. 



Just in a sidenote, Carolla is opposite Juergensen, and in one scene, they kiss, just like many movies feature.  Well, Carolla is good friends with fellow writer Kevin Hench, who is married to Juergensen.  This would like me writing a movie with my buddy Mikey, then starring and (stage)kissing his wife Ashley.  That would be weird.  I mean, good for her and all, but weird, nonetheless.

96... Steak Tartare at the Stadium
Love this commercial, mostly because of the last three seconds, which always make me laugh



95... "Gran Torino"
This was classic Eastwood, in his grizzly, old, gnarly best.   Here's what I said on a post from May 25th...

This is a movie that really, only Clint Eastwood could star in. Clint plays Walt, a gruff, tough widower who has been living in his house forever, and isn't too happy to see the Hmong Asian family move in next door. He warms up slowly, mostly due to the persistence of Sue, the teenage girl, and her brother Thao.


The family sees trouble when a local Hmong gang pressures Thao to join them, going to the point of assault and threats. Walt gets involved, against his better judgement, and a whole lot of bad things happen before the final scene of the movie, including one that made me sigh, and thank heavens that The Lovely Steph Leann didn't see what I just saw.

Excellent film, but full of language and violence.


94... "Empire State of Mind" by Jay Z, featuring Alicia Keys
I've never been a huge Jay-Z fan, and I've never been at peace just because "a Jay-Z song was on!  a Jay-Z song was on!" in a taxi cab.  This song, however, is great and its in a large part to Alicia Keys soaring vocals... chick's got some pipes. 

Anyone who knows me knows I have a deep affection for New York City, so I really enjoyed this tune--its fairly clean, except for the language that Jay-Z usually puts in his music, and it gives nods to everything from the Knicks to the McDonalds to Tribeca to "long live the World Trade". 

You can click here to sample it (if you have iTunes, it will ask to open it, if you don't, you can hear it on the page)

93... Tracy Jones

Going to a new place to work is never easy, and having traveled the Starbucks roads for almost seven years, I've had to do it many times.  When you go to a store that is... well, not reallyclickish, but kinda that way when you get there, its even harder to break through. 

And then I got to know Tracy, who is a shift at night.  We're about the same age, with much of the same life, and work, experience.  In Starbucks, you don't find a ton of baristas over 30, so when you do, you connect with them in a way that its hard to connect with a 19 year old.  When you say "A-Team" and they say "What is that?", you know that a connection hasn't been made.

Anyway, without writing a memorium, Tracy has been great to work with this year, and I take my hat off to her for making my transition earlier this year much easier than it could have been.

92... "Blue Harvest"
Yes, yes, it took me this long to see Blue Harvest.  But it was awesome when I did.  You have to be a Family Guy fan to appreciate it, and really, it helps to be a Star Wars fan as well, but I finally downloaded it, and its absolutely hysterical...



91... The Slapchop Rap
Who doesn't want them a slapchop after watching this video?  I'll be honest with ya... you do a Broadway song to sell a Snuggie, and The Lovely Steph Leann is at Target in five minutes trying to find one.



Vince Offer, the guy in the video, is a pitchman, just like the LATE GREAT BILLY MAYS (written in all caps as a yelling honor to Mr. Mays), and has done the Slap Chop infomercial.  There's some controversy surrounding hm, as BILLY MAYS claims that the Slap Chop came after the Quick Chop, which BILLY MAYS advertised, but Vince Offer stole the marketing and the infomercial demo ideas.  Who knew there were Info-Wars?

Born as Offer Shlomi in Israel, he's got a track record of bad lawsuits and terrible police run-ins, including one where he slap chopped a prostitute and was charged with assault. 

DJ Steve Porter made a music video remix of the original Slap Chop infomercial, dubbing it "Rap Chop".  After posting it to YouTube on April 25, 2009, it quickly spread over the internet. As of September 4, 2009, it has been viewed over 5 million times through its original upload, and millions more as it was posted across other sites. It reached #13 as the all time Top Rated and #3 all time Top Rated in Comedy on YouTube.

In July 2009, in an apparent deal between Porter and Shlomi, the "Rap Chop" was made into a real infomercial that began airing nationwide. Porter's original remix included footage from the movie "House Party" and TV show "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air"... however, for the national infomercial, this footage was replaced with that of a woman break dancing and another dancer dressed in a pink bunny rabbit costume.


So there you are... you know now the story of the beauty behind the Rap Chop, making it the 91st coolest thing of 2009.

Coming up... American Express is all smiles... The battle of the mall cop movies has a clear winner... and Miley Cyrus actually have two--TWO--appearances on this list?  What?  What!?

Gil Grissom Will Never Be Furious Styles (and other random thoughts for your weekend)

Here are some random thoughts that have crossed my mind in the past few days... something to read for your weekend..

I walked out of Hallmark today, and towards a Mercury Sable that was parked there. I was almost to the car before I realized “Wait… not only is this not my Sable, I don’t own a Sable… and I’m parked over there…” Old habits die hard.

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Why did it take TLC so long to just say, “Okay, okay, Kate and Jon and their 8 kids have given us enough money. Let’s call it.”?

Speaking of, when was the last time The Learning Channel actually gave you something worth learning? Not that I don't enjoy those repo shows, but I don't really learn how to get a car at 2am from a deadbeat buyer...

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I laid in bed one night recently, and heard a beep. While I couldn’t figure out what it was, The Lovely Steph Leann informed me it’s a fire alarm. I mentioned that we didn’t have any batteries, and that I would have to go get some, and she informed me that it wasn’t our fire alarm, it must be one of the empty houses across the street.

So, from the empty house, through the closed doors, across the small street, through our walls and into my room comes the beep of a dying fire alarm. Apparently, the neighborhood group had them changed, cause I haven’t heard it lately. However, as The Lovely Steph Leann and I were returning home from dinner and getting out of the car tonight, I heard the beep. My eyes instantly locked onto a hammer sitting atop the toolbox in the corner.

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Funniest video clip of the year. First saw it when Tyler, Trey, Lenning, Jon and myself were getting readyfor a day at the Happiest Place on Earth, when it came on, in its full form, as an actual commercial...

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It freaks me out when I feel my leg twitch because I think my phone is vibrating, and when I check my pockets, I realize my phone is sitting across the room on the kitchen table.

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"Paranormal Activity" looks like a fanastic movie. I, however, will not be seeing it, as I'm already scared of the dark as it is, and want to sleep at some point.

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Someone got my memo. I went into Wal-Mart tonight to pick up some milk (and ended up with milk, a pack of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, a Banquet Salisbury Steak TV dinner and Colbie Caillat’s new CD, “Breakthrough”… ah, the joys of Wal-Mart late at night). Anyway, the point is, when I go to Wal-Mart, typically its two registers open and about 12 people lined up at each one, and it’s a guarantee that one of the register lights is blinking due to a price check, or a customer issue or you name it. Tonight, though? About six registers were open, no more than two or three at each. I’m guessing some member of the Walton family reads Clouds in My Coffee.

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By the way, Colbie Caillat's new CD is excellent. She's got this great, peaceful sound, like a cute chick sitting on a stool, playing a guitar. Its what I'd expect from my friend Laura DeG or Stephanie Nipp.

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When I am driving around and spending the day with Lorelei Addison and/or Campbell Isaiah, I'm sure that I'll see something, or hear something or come across something mentioning He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected, and I'll going to casually mention that that particular something "sucks". And I'm terrified that they will look up at me and say "Sucks what, daddy?". I'm not sure I even know the answer to that question.

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I'm now old enough to be classified as "my mid-30s". Even now, when I'm differentiating left and right, I still hold up both hands, index fingers, thumbs pointed in. There's the L! That must be left!

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The Lovely Steph Leann and I split up the chores, though to be fair, she does most of it. Part if it is that she wants to make sure its done to her specifications and satisfaction, so she just figures she’d do it… and part of it is admittedly being a lazy bum. Laundry is my deal, though . Has been since we first started shacking up together five years ago. And I don’t have a problem doing laundry, I usually stumble when its time to fold it.

Usually I’ve got neat stacks of shirts to be folded, pants to be hung up, socks to be matched and put away, but as the actual laundry day gets farther away, until suddenly its laundry day again, there’s a tipping point of my pile of laundry where I finally say, “Yeah, I already have a bunch of dirty light clothes, and my pile of clean light clothes is kinda slim now… so I’ll just wash lights and fold them all together.” Maybe its just me.

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Second funniest video clip I've seen this year... its an actual commercial, and Robert Lee is a guy I want to meet.

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When I leave The Happiest Place in the Mall, often, especially in colder weather, I will have on a different shirt or sweatshirt as I’m walking through the stage. That means that unless you are a regular guest, you won’t know I work there. Which makes it all the more strange when I unconsciously say “Hi”, “How are you?” and “Welcome to Disney!” to people as I’m walking through.

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I'm watching "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" with The Lovely Steph Leann. I am not sure we've seen an episode together in the entire run of the show, we've always watched it on DVD, via Netflix.

My favorite has been Warrick Brown, played by Gary Dourdan... he's just awesome--and, he's dead. Sara Sidle, played by Jorja Fox, has left the show. Never was a huge fan of Sara, but she was a part of the team. And now, William Petersen's Gil Grissom, one of the finest characters in all of TV history, has left.

Laurence Fishburne is a fine actor. He's made many a fine movie, including playing Furious Styles in "Boyz in the Hood" and of course, Morpheus in the Matrix trilogy (which, in a short sidebar, I can honestly say I've never met anyone who has told me how much they liked the 2nd and 3rd movie over the 1st... for all the people I've talked to, its how revolutionary and amazing the first one was, and how visually impressive, yet utterly terrible story-wise "Reloaded" and "Revolutions" are). Heck, he was even Cowboy Curtis on the fun-when-you-were-little-but-it-seems-a-little-creepy-now Pee Wee's Playhouse!

Where was I?

Ah yes, CSI. Anyway, Fishburne is Ray Langston, who joins the team after Gil left. And I like Langston. But he's just not Gil. Don't know if anyone is, or can be. Its almost as if the show is a different show now... the cases are the same, Nick (George Eads), Brass (Paul Guilfoyle) and Catherine (the getting-better-with-age Marg Helgenberger) are still there, but the show just has a different feel to it. Not better, not worse, just different.

The Lovely Steph Leann and I are already invested in the show, so we'll see it to the very end, season by season on DVD, no matter what happens... though I would love to see Gil make a reappearance.



But William Petersen could never be Furious Styles.

Wrestling Midgets Killed By Fake Prostitutes (and other thoughts)

Just some randomocity while leaning back, enjoying the first hours of two days off. Just got home from Starbucks, making lattes and servin' up the caffeine magic. My friend MZ just took over the managerial position there, so I'm pretty excited for her and pretty excited to be good friends with someone in such a powerful position. Perhaps I can get the shifts I want...

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Worked at The Happiest Place in the Mall, and of course, first thing this morning, had a little boy and a little girl weave a path of destruction and disaster through the store. The little boy just liked pulling things off of the shelf and racks, and tossing them onto the floor. It got so bad that I just stayed about ten feet behind him, and when he looked the other way, I put the stuff he had just thrown down back up again. The worst was when he grabbed the Cars baseball set, complete with a big foam bat in the plastic casing, and starting swinging it around. Hitting things. Knocking things off. I was truly coming up with ways, in my mind anyway, to kick the kid in the back. Actually, I take that back... I wanted to kick the mom in the back. As I stood there in front of her, picking up after her child, she just smiled and gave a "aw, he's so cute" face.

The little girl was another story. In The Happiest Place in the Mall we have two register areas. We call 'em Box Offices. The one in the front is the primary register area, but the one in the back is accessable and we use it daily around Christmas time. Currently, though, the entrance has a rope over it to keep people out (which only works sometimes) and behind it, are stacks of snowglobles, among other things. There are some shelves there as well, displaying open demos of the snowglobes, and when a guest wants to look at one, I will pull it down, maybe wind it up, or turn it on, or show off the features.

I looked up this morning, however, and there is a little girl holding an Ariel "mini" or small snowglobe, one thats only about four inches high, if that. She's walking out from behind the back box office. Its only $14.50, but its not the price I'm worried about. I walk over to her, hurridly, and kneel down and say, "Hey princess... can I see your snowglobe there? Let me hold it for you, because its very breakable." She hands it over to me, giggles and runs to her mom, WHO IS STANDING NEARBY. Let me say that again. The girl is in an area that she isn't supposed to be in, and her guardian and safekeeper is standing feet away either not caring, or not watching or both.

Oh, it gets worse. The little girl is maybe 3 or 4 years old. Certainly not tall enough to reach the snowglobes on her own tippy toes. So what did she do? She used the boxed, new snowglobes that were under the shelf to climb up and get the one she wanted. When I walk back behind the Box Office, I see that several of the snowglobe boxes were disheveled and moved around. I close my eyes, breath a sigh of relief and straighten up, because let me say this very clearly... had she knocked this shelf off onto her head, this shelf that contained about four mini-snowglobes, two or three medium sized and one really heavy one, plus the fact that the shelf itself is made of glass, that little girl is in the hospital right now. With serious injuries to her head and face. And guess who's fault it is? Yep. Ours. I was working with Snow White, and told her that I should call DHR on her mom for being a biscuit head. But I digress.

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As I type, I sit back and watch WWE: Raw. Its exciting, because tonight's "guest host" is Ted DiBiase, the Million Dollar Man, who comes out with his familiar theme song (Money money money... ) and he's holding his diamond studded Million Dollar belt. Myself, Tommy Mac and Mikey met him once a few years ago, as DiBiase, a solid Christ Follower, was speaking at a Christian conference of some sort. He told me that he wasn't sure about Hulk Hogan's salvation (keep in mind, this was like, 2000, before "Hogan Knows Best") but he knew that Sting and Chris Jericho were Believers, and then he demostrated the Million Dollar Hold on me. Tommy Mac got a pic of it, but I think he lost it. Shame. I would still be flaunting that pic if I could.


Correct me if I'm wrong here, but this looks like Ravishing Rick Rude that DiBiase is hoisting...

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Speaking of WWE: Raw and 'rasslin... just found a Best Buy gift card I recieved for Christmas a few years ago... okay, The Lovely Steph Leann found it (formalities)... anyway, let me tell you, on August 25th, I'm taking it and heading to Best Buy to get this video right here. And I'm stoked, if only to hear The WolfPac theme song in its proper context. The Wolfpac is back causin' mass destruction, can't you see the bad boys o'wrestlin... don't turn your back on The Wolfpac, or you might end up in a bodybag....

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Favorite song of the year thusfar, and will possibly rank in the top ten coolest things of the year as my favorite song of the year tends to do... "My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson. Runner up, thusfar? "You Belong to Me" by Taylor Swift, which might have my favorite video of the year... truly, the song is precious and the video is super sweet.

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Found this on Fox News...

MEXICO CITY — Mexican authorities say two professional wrestlers found dead in a low-rent hotel in the capital may have been drugged to death by female robbers.

Autopsies are being performed on the two midget wrestlers, one of whom went by the name "La Parkita" — or "Little Death" — and wore a skeleton costume in the ring. The other was known as "Espectrito Jr."

Authorities say two women were seen leaving the men's hotel room before the bodies were discovered.

Prosecutor Miguel Angel Mancera said Wednesday that gangs of female robbers are experienced at using drugs to knock men out and rob them, but they may have used too strong a dose.
That may have been because of the wrestlers' small stature, although larger men have also died in similar crimes.

The other story I almost posted was "Teacher Sends Feces Home in Student's Backpack, School Not Amused" but I figured I would cut through the crap and give you the real news. (what, you thought I was kidding? Oh nay nay)

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Did this whole section on John Grisham, and how disappointed I've been in several of his books this year, but decided to delete it, figuring that could be its own post. For whatever reason, I've managed to read four of his books this year, and have got a bookmark in one (and will probably finish it later, though you'll read later why its not now), and am working on "The Innocent Man", which is completely fascinating. No, Wookiee, it's not the movie starring Tom Selleck and that guy from "Sledge Hammer!".

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There are 3 books/series that have intimidated me for a long time. The first is The Lord of the Rings trilogy, and actually, you'd probably need to toss in "The Hobbit" as well. I'm sure they are fantastic, I've heard as much, but really, they are just so long and involved and it would take sooooo much concentration.

Secondly, Stephen King's Dark Tower Series. All seven books.

Finally, "The Stand" by Stephen King, another book that is just huge. Well, while at Barnes & Noble I decided it was time. So I picked it up... and I'm 32 pages in thusfar. Only about 1100 pages to go. So far, the 32 pages are great.

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Its no secret that "Campbell Isaiah" and "Lorelei Addison" have been names that The Lovely Steph Leann and I have bandied about and discussed and high probabilities for our children's names... here's another that I like, with the first name being my choice and the middle being one that The Lovely Steph Leann has said she really has come to like... "Naomi McKenna". Sounds very preppy and BMW drivery... but it might work. I have really taken a liking to Naomi. I guess its at least 10 months down the road, though. If not much more.

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And finally... here's a story from the interweb. Its about Kendra Wilkinson, her recent marriage and her pregnancy... for those of you under a rock, or named Emmy Turnbow, Kendra was on a show on E! called "The Girls Next Door" about three... well, birthday suit models that lived with Hugh Hefner, and appeared in this magazine that sounds like "Play" and "boy". No, I never watched the show. I only mention her at all because I thought the following story was a hoot... oh, and I don't recommend Googling her images unless you have the SafeSearch button on. Just sayin'.

Now that Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett are officially husband and wife the reality show duo is focusing on the next important phase - parenthood.

While Hugh Hefner’s 23-year-old former flame has led a pretty wild life (besides being Hugh Hefner's girlfriend, the number of times she's revealed her assets in public is well into the double digits), and said earlier this year that Baskett was helping her find God for the first time, she is determined to be a strict religious mama.

"Our child will definitely be Christian," Wilkinson told Tarts last week, with Basket adding that they are going to be "very strict" yet still "spoil" their young ones at appropriate times.
"But they are going to have to earn it, we're not just going to hand it to them. Most importantly, they have to keep good grades because school comes first and then everything else after that," he explained. "Being a father is something I've always wanted and something Kendra and I have talked about from the time we met, we're just truly excited and truly blessed to be becoming parents very soon. We pretty much fell in love right away and when you ask someone to marry you that means you really want them to be the woman in charge of your family, the person to be your teammate in raising the child."

Although the expecting parents won’t find out until a few weeks what their first born’s gender is, they already have names prepared.

"If it’s a boy Hank the 4th and if it’s a girl Arianna, we love Arianna," Wilkinson enthused. "I’m feeling so good, I’m in my 2nd trimester now at 14 weeks and I’m feeling like a whole new person, I feel great."

And with that, I've got nothing more to add....

Happy Times

There are people in this world who are good. There are people who are great. There are people who are simply amazing. There are people who are just so fantastic you just want to give a big hug to, and say, "Wow. You're great. Amazing. Just so fantastic." And there are people who leave something to be desired. There are people who are bad. There are people who are simply jerks. There are people so jerky, you just want to kick in the neck and say, "Wow. You leave something to be desired. You're bad. A jerk. Just so jerky. Stand still while I kick you in the neck."

Either way, people are truly fascinating. And this is never more apparent than when you spend time at The Happiest Place in the Mall. These are... Happy Times.

"The Mom-down Throwdown"
There's a young lady who comes into The Happiest Place in the Mall with her daughter. I recognized them both quickly, chatted with them for a minute, and went about dispensing magic to other guests.

I went backstage for a few minutes, probably checking for a XS Stitch shirt or something of that nature, and when I returned to the stage, I noticed Daughter in tears, with Mom squatting next to her, consoling her. The Happiest Place in the Mall is no place for tears, so I walked over and kneeled down, asking if everything was okay. Mom assured me it was with a weak smile, glancing over my shoulder with a scowl.

I left Mom and Daughter to their own, went back to the box office register, dealt with other guests. Mom finally came up with bag of magic, ready to purchase, when I inquired what was wrong. She then whispered to me to look at the three little children--two boys and a girl--running amok in the back while the parentals were not paying a lick of attention. "See that little blond girl? For no reason at all, she came up, pushed Daughter down, started teasing and poking at her. Daughter is shy, but she's very polite and there was no reason for this. I almost went crazy on that little girl, and her parents? Nowhere to be seen. They are on the other side of the store doing their own thing, not watching their children. I even saw one of the little boys rolling all over the plush mountain back there, climbing up, tossing plush everywhere... " Mom growled a bit, "there's no need for this. If parents would watch their children..." she trailed off, still gritting her teeth.

She was right about Daughter. The times I've seen the pair in our store, Daughter has been very behaved, a "yes sir" and "no ma'am" kind of kid, even at 3 years of age. Wish all the kids that came in were as well adjusted. Mom was brewing and steaming. She had a right to be. I ended up walking back to the back where the trinity of romper room was engaged in chaos and destruction, and had to get one of them off of the plush mountain. Their parents were truly around the other side of the store, not a care in the world. Happy times.

"The Confusing Bag Math"
In The Happiest Place in the Mall, we do sell re-usable shopping bags. Its a direction the entire company is taking, that of the "Green" persuasion, and while I'm not adverse to helping the environment, I personally don't seek out ways to earn carbon credits. As it stands, though, this is my job, and I have no problem getting a $2.50 big Mickey bag into someones hands, especially when we sell 300+ of them in a given week... which we did a few weeks ago during our bag promotion.

It worked like this... you buy a bag for $2.50. When you buy this bag, anything you put into this bag is automatically 40% off, whether its on sale or not. (was this hard to understand? Those two sentences were what I said to guests, and it really did seem like it was easy to get...)

If you were coming in to just buy a $4.50 Buzz Lightyear soft baseball, or perhaps a $5.50 Princess lip gloss ring set, this promotion wouldn't do you any good, unless of course, you wanted a bag anyway, which many people did. But if your purchases went up to $7.50 or more, you essentially got the bag for free... follow the math... $7.50 for whatever, plus $2.50 for the bag, equals $10. Take off the 25%, and that leaves you... $7.50. Right? Right.

Now, for anyone who's been at The Happiest Place in the Mall lately, you'll probably understand that 87% of our products probably top $7.50. This means you can save yourself some great money... but I can understand why people are so reluctant. Every time you check your email, there's some spam asking you to "click here" and get a whatever. Turn on the tv, you can see a great offer for something that looks cool, but there's tiny, tiny print at the bottom that reads something like, "Everything this commercial just said is a lie, we won't do any of this as promised, we'll just bilk you dry." Actually, that might have been an Obama ad...

Anyway, its rare to have an offer be simply cut and dry, so even though ours was simply buy this and save, I can get how people would be resistant. They wouldn't take the bag when offered on the floor, but when they got to the register and were informed their $47 purchase can become $35 and some change by simply spending $2.50 more, nearly everyone did it.

I did say "nearly".

Me: Hi there. Find everything you needed this afternoon? (picking up Eeyore and Pooh plush)
Guest: Yep. (he nods his head. He's wearing a Junior hat, cigs in the front pocket of his faded sleeveless shirt)
Me: Alrighty... well, the plush are 2 for $15 plus tax, but if you get this bag for $2.50, you'll save 25% on everything...
Guest: (blank stare... blank stare... brain computing...) Naw thanks.
Me: Seriously (not wanting to harp on this, but am positive he doesn't get it). Its' $16.35 total. However... with the bag, you're only going to pay $14.30 total.
Guest: (blank stare... computing... blank stare... computing...) No thanks.
Me: Okay, well, since, uh, you don't want the bag (I smile) you'll pay me two bucks more! That's $16.35
Guest: (blank stare... computing... hamster on wheel is getting tired... computing) Thanks.

Lest you think I'm picking on the country boy...

Heather: Hi, is this going to be it for you today?
Guest: Yep. This is all I need (hands over the black bag full of stuff. She's probably in her 40s, dressed in her best business casual, looks a little hurried.)
Heather: Will you be getting to bag today and saving 25% on everything?
Guest: No, I don't want the bag.
Heather: Okay, well, your total is going to be $61... but I have to tell you, if you spend $2.50 on this bag, you'll save 25% on everything
Guest: I don't need that bag.
Me: Ma'am, you would save about $15. No kidding. (not trying to be rude, but making sure she understands that she will be giving us FIFTEEN DOLLARS LESS by taking this black bag off of our hands)
Guest: Fine. (sighs) Give me the stupid bag.
Heather: Okay, with the bag, minus the 25%, you're new total is $47.34
Guest: Fine (pays for the magical merchandise, takes the bag, hurries out)
Heather: Wow (looks at me) She didn't seem happy about that, did she?

Out of nowhere comes Ol' Joe, who has been at the front greeting the guests. He's holding a crumpled black bag. "She came up to me, pulled all of her stuff out and then shoved this bag in my hands. Said she didn't want this bag." I looked at Heather, she looked at me, and I sighed, "You know, maybe we should just toss the bag on there anyway, and then when they come back and ask us to take it off the receipt, we'll tell them they owe us what they saved."

Finally...

Me: Hello! Is this snowglobe going to be it for you today?
Guest: Yes, thanks. (she's young, maybe 18, maybe a year or two less or more. She's short, she pulls out all of her cash, piecing together 1s and 5s to try and pay for it)
Me: Alright, well your total is going to be $26.88, but if you let me put it in this black bag, your total would be $19.58.
Guest: How much is the bag?
Me: Well, its only $2.50, and you'll save 25% on all your purchases, which would be this snowglobe. You'll pay me about 6 or 7 dollars.
Guest: Nah. No bag.
Me: Okay, well then, your total is not $19.58, its actually $26.88. (I look up, and a 30-something mom is standing behind this current guest. She locks eyes with me and rolls them. I smile, and in my smile, I say, "I dunno. Sometimes I don't think people listen to what I'm trying to tell them, they just assume its a rip off, and really, all we are doing is trying to get rid of these black Mickey bags")

30-Something Mom smiles back at me, seemingly understanding my one second smile and glance, and then, standing behind this young lady who is paying me $6 more than she should have to, Mom says, loudly, "You know, I just don't get how some people don't want to save money."

I put all my focus back on the guest in front of me, who clearly heard this, and is awkwardly squirming. I gave her back her change, smiled, wished her a happy day and she took off. Inwardly, though, I found a rock and hid under it. Happy times.

"Kodak Moments"
Ah, the picture taking. Yes, yes, you love to lay your little newborn onto the mountain of plush and snap pics... or perhaps you are your 14 year old girl friends all want to hold Mickey and take a picture with your $400 iPhone your mom and dad bought you... or maybe you and your beloved just want to hold up Donald and Daisy together, snap a pic for the scrapbook, since while you were dating, people called you Donald and Daisy, and since today is your 10th wedding anniversary, what better way to remember the afternoon? This is all magical stuff, and I think its great. This is why The Happiest Place in the Mall is truly the happiest place in the mall.

And then there are those who decide that the picture is worth it, no matter what.

I walked toward the backroom, probably to get more Tinkerbell collapsible totes for the shelf, and notice two little boys sitting in front of the Beanie Plush wall. The beanies are smaller versions of the big plush, and at a much cheaper price. They came into phase when everyone was doing beanies, following the lead of the Ty Company and Beanie Babies, and for Disney, they've been around since then.

Little Boy 1 and Little Boy 2 were sitting, Indian style, facing each other, and had an entire shelf--probably 20 or more beanies--of Pooh and Tigger beanies raked into their laps. The shelf was empty. Some of the Piglet and Eeyore from the shelf above and a few of the McQueen and Bullseye from the shelf below had also made it into the pile, all which rested on and around our two little preciouses. For a second, I asked myself, "Really? Where's mom?" but honestly, I knew the answer to that question.

I stepped past the sale rack that was blocking my immediate view of the beanie shelves, and there was their mothers. Each had their own mom, smiling, holding up cameras, taking pictures and cheering them on... "okay, hold up Pooh!"... "That's so sweet!"... "Give Piglet a kiss, come on, come on, that's so cute!" Its as if the beanie-parazzi had made it to our store. I rolled my eyes, sighed and went on to fetch my Tinkerbell tote supply.

When I came back out later, the moms were gone, as were the boys. Yeah, they picked up... well, in a manner of speaking. Imagine if you raked an entire shelf of small stuffed animals into the floor, then picked them up in big handfuls and shoved them back onto the shelf, and the disorganization and messy appearance it would display. Yes, this is what they had done. Happy times.

"Plush Mountain Life Lessons"
There's a few specific reasons we do our best to keep the younglings from climbing the summit of our plush mountain. When you come into The Happiest Place in the Mall, you'll find Plush Mountain in the back. Its the seemingly random big pile of stuffed animals, and when its completely full, it looks just like that--a pile of stuffed animals. Beware, young climbers.... its actually a pyramid of hardwood shelves with "trenches" built in to hold the overflow stacks of Lucky and Lumpy and Rabbit and Wall*E and Buzz and Lady and Tramp and Mickey and Daisy and so on and so forth.


Its tempting, isn't it? But resist. You must resist.

Climbing in the mountain is dangerous, first of all. Your kid moves wrong, he tumbles out and though rolling down a pile of foam, fur and fluff might seem entertaining, those shelves have hard ledges that will be hit on every roll. Secondly, we have actually had guests who have broken things like mugs or snowglobes and the like, and instead of telling someone, or even leaving it on a shelf, they shove it under the plush to hide it.

Third, and this goes to tossing the plush as well, the screen is fragile. And a ripped projection screen is bad times indeed. Finally, its just a nightmare picking up all the plush that gets kicked and strewn everywhere due to Lil One kicking Donald and Goofy halfway across the mall. No bueno.

There are many things I've learned just in life that I hope to pass down to Lorelei Addison Dollar and Campbell Isaiah Dollar, once they enter this world, mostly just from common sense. However, there are many more things I would have never dreamed I'd need to tell my kids that I learned just from working at The Happiest Place in the Mall. Let's be real here... kids are kids. They will throw things, they will drool on things, they will touch stuff that has been clearly pointed out as "don't touch!"able, they will climb on things that are supposedly unclimbable, I get it... its the parents that I take issue with.

Why, for instance, do you stand there and smile as little Johnny takes a Dalmatian by the leg, little Sally takes Bambi by the head and then they both start beating each other with the plush? You have no intention of buying these animals, in which case they aren't yours. Please stop before Johnny, Sally or both rip and damage these animals and either you leave them in the mountain (this has happened) ripped and torn, or you buy them, complaining about the high prices of plush that you are now forced to by, as if its my fault you allowed your offspring to go MMA on our toys (this has also happened).

And why, for example, do you not wipe off little Mary's mouth, cleaning off the dark blue residue left from the cotton candy she just finished? And while your at it, please wipe off her fingers before you allow her to pick up, cuddle, hold and love on Marie the Aristocat who, by the way, is solid white except for those blue fingerprints Mary has left on her back. And because you are so generous, you allowed Marie to just be tossed back into the mountain, now white AND blue. This has happened.

And why, just wondering, do you allow little Billy to toss our plush high into the air, from one side of the mountain to the other, and when we ask little Billy to stop, you chide us for being rude and not plainly seeing that little Billy "is just trying to help pick up"? And grandma, next to you, says loudly, "I don't know why they have all these animals here if they won't let the kids thrown them around and play with them." Grandma, you old moron, they kids are welcome to play with them. They can hug them, carry them around the store, squeeze, kiss, love and hold... but don't throw them! You wouldn't like it if we came into your home and tossed your upper and lower dentures around the room. This has also happened (the plush, not the dentures). Happy times.

"Indeed"
And then you have those kids who marvel. They walk in, their faces light up, they mouths fall open and the only words they can muster are... "NEMO!!" Or maybe "MICKEY!!!" or sometimes "ARIEL!!!" or even "CINDERELLA!!" as the characters from their favorite movies and their children picture books are now alive, real, larger than life on our screen, on our walls, in our boxes and packaging, on our shelves.

For all the children that go to The Happiest Place on Earth, more do not. The Happiest Place in the Mall is, to them, The Happiest Place on Earth. Our goal is to be the best 30 minutes of a child's day, to be the one store that, when they get home, they talk about us. They talk about "The Mickey Store" or "Where Snow White lives" or "I wanna go back to Disney World", even though "Disney World" is our own store because that's the only "Disney World" they've ever--and in some cases--will ever know.

And when I can ring up a Piglet and ask the question, "Would you like to hold Piglet or do you want me to put him in a bag?" and already knowing the answer, pull the tag off of the newly purchased plush and hand it back to anxious little hands who didn't want to let go in the first place, only letting go on the faith of a promise that in only a few seconds, they'll have it back... now that... that is why I love my job. That is why I like going to work. That is why The Happiest Place in the Mall is the most fun job I've ever had...

...despite the stupid parents we get sometimes...

...truly Happy Times. Indeed.

(ps... Erin the Marine Wife listed her own posting about kids, messes and unintentional vehicular manslaughter... well, not quite that bad, but still, I thought it was worth linking... its titled "Sorry Lilly"...)