I like how every week, we do this whole montage of how many people tried out, and how many people made the second round, and now here we are with the remaining number of Idols and so on and so on. This week we get a montage of those Idols who made the Final Three, like Carrie and The Widower Danny Gokey (last night about 702p, I heard a shriek of joy and thought it sounded like a distant cry of Cindy Jo, and I guess I was right) and Young Archuleta and Dave Cook and so on. Fitting, because tonight, our Final Four will try their dadgummest to make the Final Three...
THIS IS
AMERICAN
IDOL'S
FINAL FOUR
There are two rounds tonight, the first being "Songs that Inspire You", and the second being songs written by another famous duo that I had to think about before I realized I had heard of them--Leiber and Stoller. Seacrusty tells us that a mentor tonight is a modern legend, that being Lady Gaga. She's pretty big right about now, but I don't know that "legend" would be the word I would use.
The Straight Adam Lambert, Haley Cuteness, Deep Voiced Scotty and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina all make their way out, and in just two weeks, one of these four will be Our Next American Idol.
The Straight Adam Lambert comes up first, and his inspirational song is "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey... can I just tell you that without Glee, this song would be just the favorite Journey song of most people, and probably one of the top two or three songs purchased by Journey on iTunes. But when Glee tackled this song, not only did it make Glee relevant, it brought Journey back to the forefront, and suddenly people who had never heard of Journey are suddenly Journey fans all the way around. My personal favorite is "Separate Ways", but this is good too.
And The Straight Adam Lambert does really well with it. Randy the Dawg loves the song, especially because he used to play with Journey. And The Straight Adam Lambert is even wearing a Journey shirt! J-Lo loved it, Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler thought it was beautiful.
Next is Haley Cuteness, with a Michael Jackson song. Now she's not doing "Man in the Mirror" nor "Heal the World" nor "My Childhood" (which is good because I am tired of the first one, and can't stand the latter two)... no, instead she's doing "Earth Song", which is another song by MJ I'm not a fan of--but guess what? Haley Cuteness made me like it, and she even growls like MJ does at the end, back when he was alive and all.
J-Lo didn't love it. She should have. Randy the Dawg didn't love it... he does this whole "I'm confused about who you are..." I mean, Double-U Tee Eff, Randy Jackson... The Straight Adam Lambert screeches every week and gets lauded, Haley Cuteness does it better and gets picked on. Haley fires back and tells him, "I didn't think I should have changed it.." and Steven Tyler jumps in and says, "Don't listen to them! They are both wrong!"
When Steven Tyler is the voice of reason, there is something whacked out.
Seacrusty's words "I hear the girls screaming all day long" is funny until you find out that Deep Voiced Scotty is singing Alan Jackson's "Where Were You (when the world stopped turning)"... then Seacrusty's line is just a little off and in poor taste.
Deep Voiced Scotty sits on a stool and plucks his guitar and sings one of the most emotionally written songs ever. During the CMA's in November 2001, a few months after 9/11, Alan Jackson did this song. Sitting on a guitar, he just sang it gently, without raising his voice or getting too strong with his lyrics. And it was monumental. I still consider it one of the finest 9/11 tributes ever done. It was met with a thunderous, immediate standing ovation.
And Deep Voiced Scotty does well as he always does, but I didn't like that he tried to do too much with it. Its not a song to show off, its a song to pluck and sing. Randy the Dawg thought it was awesome. Steven Tyler thought it was beautiful. And J-Lo loved it.
Taking on one of my favorite artists of all time, Martina McBride, America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina is doing "Anyway", which is a great song and
(so... this is the part where Blogger shut down. Don't know if you heard the geek tech news, but blogspot went kaput for about three days, meaning that after a certain time on Thursday afternoon, anything written on blogspot was not saved. And millions of people lots millions and millions of posts that were written over those few days--and like millions of those people, before I clicked away from the page, I didn't "select all" and save. You'd think I'd learn by now... anyway, over half of my Idol review was taken with it. And because it was down, when I got to watch the results show on Thursday night, I ended up having to write the recap on a Word Document. And so, you'll have to do with what you read above, and what you'll read below. I love Haley Reinhart. That's all you need to know, really)
THE RESULTS
Well, there are four Idols left, and only three will move to next week, only three get the “going home” video montage, only three will perform in a bloated seven hour extravaganza next week. Seacrusty tells us that over 73 trillion votes came in last night, and its going to be a big night!
Our top four come out, with The Straight Adam Lambert, America’s Darlin’ Lauren Alaina, Deep Voiced Scotty and Haley Hotness, who is wearing a skirt that is almost illegal.
The first duet of the night has The Straight Adam Lambert and Deep Voiced Scotty. Fast forward.
Commercial break. Fast forward.
America’s Darlin’ Lauren Alaina and Haley Hotness have their duet. Fast forward.
Product placement for Windows 7, as Windows 7 connected the Idols with their families. We see each Idol laugh and cry as they talk to their loved ones. And in the video, we see the Idols move things around, show off features of Windows 7 and give them all kinds of free pub.
Dim the lights! Results time! There are three Gold Stools of Victory on the side of the stage… Seacrusty tells us that the first person to plant their junk in one of those Gold Stools is… America’s Darlin Lauren Alaina. She heads to a stool, puts that junk in her trunk in that seat.
Commercial break. Fast forward.
Lady Gaga. Fast forward… but first, The Lovely Steph Leann says, “She kinda looks normal. This is the song that Haley Hotness sang. And… she’s wearing a bikini.” She says this last part twice, in disbelief.
Enrique Iglasias. Fast forward.
Commerical break. Fast forward.
Ford Music Video. Fast forward.
Jordin Sparks. Fast Forward.
Commercial break. Fast forward.
Steven Tyler’s new video. Fast forward.
We just covered almost 40 minutes in about 37 seconds. We rule.
Dim the lights. More results! After the nationwide vote… Haley Hotness makes the top three, sending her somewhat better looking junk to join America’s Darlin’ Lauren Alaina’s somewhat larger junk in a Gold Stool of Victory.
The Lovely Steph Leann looks from The Straight Adam Lambert to Deep Voiced Scotty, and shouts, “This is hard!!!”
Dim the lights! Here we go… joining the Idol Final Three, its Deep Voiced Scotty. Tonight, The Straight Adam Lambert, Blinky James Durbin goes home.
I’ll be honest and say that in the beginning, I thought he’d split around 7 or 8… but he kept getting better and better, and even though I didn’t see him winning, I’m happy he made it this far.
Good job, Blinky James.
Showing posts with label Cindy Jo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Cindy Jo. Show all posts
The Idols Countroul Gently Weeps
It's late! I just got in on Wednesday night, from The Deucecast Studios after recording the first episode of The Deucecast Podcast... check out http://www.thedeucecast.com/ and hear our "negative one" show, our pre-show that is, and our first episode, The Podcast Menace.
But now, its American Idol! I just started the show, just sat down with the laptop and keyboard, and am ready to hear some music from The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame!
THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL!
We get a little video showing us Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and some of the features and exhibits, as well as the hall of fame history, And then, our Idols come out, ready to give some Halla-Fame performances.
And we have a celebrity mentor this week, or two, with Jimmy Iovine. Gwen Stefani and Will.I.Am are here to help out.
At first, The Soulful Jacob Lusk is going to sing "Let's Get It On", but instead heads to Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror"... he tells us, "If I'm in the bottom three, it wont be because I sang it bad, it will be because America didn't want to look in the mirror." This message of guilt and shame brought to you from The Soulful Jacob Lusk.
His backup singer gets close on part of the song, and she literally looks like she doesn't have hair until halfway back on her head. She apparently doesn't have a mirror. Ah, its Siedah Garrett, the co-writer of that song... doesn't change the fact her hair is only half there.
Uncle Steven Tyler loved it. J-Lo gives an inspiration message. Randy the Dawg loved it. I thought it was pretty good as well.
Haley Reinhart, who I found out tonight that Cindy Jo can't stand, is doing Janis Joplin's "A Piece of My Heart". This song is perfect for her raspy voice that I dig.
(full disclosure... after recording The Deucecast Episode I: The Podcast Menace last night, I didn't get home until close to midnight, so by the time Haley Reinhart took the stage, I was drifting off... smashcut to 130 Thursday afternoon, and I finally fire up the DVR, and watch Haley Reinhart.)
ANYWAY, SHE IS SINGING "PIECE OF MY HEART" VERY LOUDLY, AND IF THIS WERE SCREAMING IDOL, SHE WOULD BE, AS CHUCK SHEEN LIKES TO SAY, WINNING. I'M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT, SHE DOESN'T HAVE A CHANCE TO BE TOO PITCHY BECAUSE SHE'S YELLING EVERYTHING. AT LEAST SHE LOOKS GOOD. KINDA.
J-Lo loves it. Randy the Dawg thought it was cool, and "this is the Haley we love!" Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler loves the Janis Joplin sound. I digress.
Seacrusty asks us to vote on a song contest done by Idol and Taio Cruze, but all I can think of is "This Is My Now", the horrific song writing contest winner from some seasons ago.
The Saved Casey A is practicing The Police in front of Will.I.Am and Jimmy Iovine, and ends up changing his song to "Have You Ever Seen the Rain" by Creedance Clearwater Revival. Good, good choice, because standing there with his upright bass, it sounds fantastic. Problem is, since he took risks early on, and ended up in the Bottom Three, he's been a little too safe... he'll have to take more risks if he wants to win this thing.
Randy the Dawg says Casey A made CCR proud, and is making the upright bass cool again. Steven Tyler agrees, calling him a "true musician". J-Lo loved it.
America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina is doing to be doing "Natural Woman (you make me feel)" by Aretha Franklin. Will.I.Am tells her to use control, and its spelled C-O-U-N-T-R-O-U-L. Leave it to a southerner to make a 2 syllable word into a 7 syllable word.
Speaking of southern, how do you Alabama fans feel that Miss Georgia Girl is wearing Bear Bryant's houndstooth hat as a tiny pair of shorts... I say "tiny" because they are short--they aren't tiny in size, cause she's a cutie patootie, but she's got junk in dat trunk. And I'm typing all of this while she sings because while she has countroul, its kinda boring.
Christian Slater in the audience! Seacrusty comments on how much Christian Slater liked it... he cheers. He could care less about the song, it was the boobies. Dude, those are underage boobies. Settle down.
Steven Tyler loved it. J-Lo loved it. Randy the Dawg loved it.
Back from break, Seacrusty banters with the judges, before introducing The Straight Adam Lambert who is going to take a chance, after rocking out for three weeks in a row. Its a ballad called "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" from George Harrison (I like how he adds in "George Harrison, from The Beatles"... you should know that. If you don't, then either a, you are under 16 or b, you don't listen to music, ever, or c, both.)
Ya know, its not a good vocally as America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina's take on Aretha, but I actually am enjoying this more. Even the screech in the end was countrouled enough to sound good, and he wipes his eyes after the song is over. Good job, The Straight Adam Lambert.
J-Lo loved it. Randy the Dawg is pretty much the only judge who gives actual, good feedback, and he liked it. Steven Tyler loved it. Nothing new here.
And rock stuff is always harder for those who are defined country, but Deep Voiced Scotty is taking a chance on The King of Rock and Roll... no, not Nickelback... Elvis Presley. He's doing "It's Alright Mama". Will.I.Am tells him, "When you take country and rock together, you get... well, country rock..." Its good that Will.I.Am is here to help us out.
Head to toe denim, Deep Voiced Scotty is.. well, he's awesome. And he looks like he's having a blast up there, playing to the camera, moving around, and coming dangerously close to doing a D-X crotch chop from the WWE. And somehow, there are seven girls that are allowed to run up on stage and mob Deep Voiced Scotty.
Randy the Dawg gives his patented, "HE IS IN IT TO WIN IT! WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Steven Tyler loved him, making some compliment involving cattle. J-Lo tells him how much fun it was to watch him, and loved it.
Because Fox would never do something like cross-promote their products, it is unusual to see Seacrusty talking to Christian Slater, discussing the 7,387th new show starring Slater, "Breaking In", coming up next on Fox!
Peepee Tuscany is apparently beautiful. Cindy Jo has told me so. Melanie has told me so. Everyone tells me so. I just don't see it. She's cute, but I'd classify her as "elegant" and even "regal", not beautiful. Maybe one goes with the others, I dunno.
She's singing "River Deep Mountain High" from Tina Turner, who is a diva that some people forget about... we always remember "What's Love Got to Do With It", but take it back to Ike days, in the 60s and 70s, and holy crap, Tina Turner was insane good.
In what looks like 19 inch heels, she descends the stairs and sings to the judges, then the audience. And in the funniest paragraph I've read all day, Annie Barrett from EW.com writes this about J-Lo's bouncing up and down:
J. Lo was bouncing up and down in her chair like a child who's just been told she'll never have to wear an unflattering L.A.M.B. belted romper like the scary singing Bumpit lady as long as she is still breathing glitter into this little thing we call life. But you can't even tell. Just trust me that "the girls" were definitely on the upswing in this shot, but because of her supportive bra, nothing drastic happened and Steven and Randy were able to continue their naps in total peace.
By the way... she was great. Peepee was fantastic tonight.
Steven Tyler calls her a "murderer" because she killed it! J-Lo loved it. Randy the Dawg called her ubertalented. Then says, "Yo! Peepee's IN IT TO WIN IT!" which must make Deep Voiced Scotty a little disappointed, cause he thought that HE was in it to win it.
Stefano Italiano takes a huge risk by doing a rock song, and... wait, what? He's doing a ballad? "When a Man Loves a Woman" by Percy Sledge? For my money, there's nothing better than when Michael Bolton sings "When a Man Loves a Woman". I celebrate his entire catalogue.
Other than a strong, strong note he nails in the middle of the song, there is nothing really special about this song.
J-Lo loved it, describing her goose pimples she seems to keep getting. Maybe she needs some Noxema. No, the cream, not the nuts chick that got the boot last week. Randy the Dawg said it was a little jerky, and J-Lo yells, "Your crazy!" Steven Tyler loved it.
And finally, Pauly Mac is busting out with Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues". Jimmy Iovine tells him that he needs to, "Sing out of your f$*#&)g mind." Okay, it sounds great. But here's what it makes me think... The Lovely Steph Leann and I are sitting at a small table in a coffeehouse, she's drinking tea and I'm playing Angry Birds, while the talented guitar player is on stage, with about 17 of his fans, friends and family in the front row, the rest of us just enjoying the background noise of good music. And he sings something soft like "Collide" by Howie Day, then to pick the mood up, he does this song, a Cash cover.
That's what Pauly Mac makes me think.
And because he went last, THIS is the song people will remember, unless they think of HALEY'S SONG SHE DID.
And in a surprise, Steven Tyler loved it. And in a shocker, J-Lo loved it. Yep, you guessed it, Randy the Dawg loved it too.
Here's my favorites of the night... Peepee Tuscany... Deep Voiced Scotty... The Straight Adam Lambert... The Saved Casey A... America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina... Pauly Mac... Haley Reinhart... The Soulful Jacob Lusk... Stefano Italiano.
I think that Deep Voiced Scotty, The Straight Adam Lambert, The Saved Casey A and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina are safe.
I think Peepee Tuscany and The Soulful Jacob Lusk are on the border.
And I think that Haley Reinhart, Pauly Mac and Stefano Italiano are in trouble, with Stefano getting out.
While my blog gently weeps.
AND NOW... RESULTS...
Well, that'll teach me to look at Facebook before I watch the DVR'd results show. The Lovely Steph Leann was in Hot-Lanta last night, so she didn't see Idol's performances. At this very second, she's watching it, and is about to watch Pauly Mac, which means in about 15 minutes, we'll be zooming through the results. And one quick glance at Facebook tells me... Peepee Tuscany said goodbye. Thanks to Kel-Fish and a number of others, there's your answer. Sigh.
And of course, she was my favorite of the night. Since I watched it earlier today, thats the only one that stuck in my head... "...do I love ya, my oh my..." and of course, she got the boot. Of course.
So, we start the show, and The Lovely Steph Leann has the remote. Thankfully, she knows the rules of fast forwarding, so in the 30-second skip, we only catch a snippet of the group song, and then we skip through the Ford video, and through an appearance by Russell Brand.
Now, the results, dim the lights! The Saved Casey A, Stefano Italiano and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina all make the walk from the Comfort Couch to center stage. The Silver Stools of Suck are mere feet away.
After the nationwide vote, America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina... is safe, and heads to the Couch of Comfort. Leaving The Saved Casey A and Stefano Italiano, where two weeks ago both were in the same position, leading to Casey A being booted, then getting The Judges Save. This time, however, its Stefano Italiano that heads to The Silver Stools of Suck.
As we are fast forwarding, we end up with some long haired dude singing... we try to figure out who he is, until he lifts his head, and its Constantine!
We see a video where Gwen Stefani is helping to give some fashion and hair assistance, which we fast forward.
Pauly Mac, Peepee Tuscany and Deep Voiced Scotty head to center stage. Deep Voiced Scotty heads to the Couch of Comfort, Pauly Mac then heads there, and Peepee Tuscany goes to what will be her doom on The Silver Stool of Suck.
We see a video from TMZ where the crew makes fun of the Idols and their missteps, including America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina falling down the steps.
Now, back to the results! Let's bring down The Straight Adam Lambert, Haley Reinhart and The Soulful Jacob Lusk. I'm guessing Haley ends up on The Silver Stools of Suck... The Straight Adam Lambert heads back to the Couch of Comfort... as does... Haley Reinhart!
The Soulful Jacob Lusk is in the Bottom Three, though saying something like, "If I'm in the bottom three, its not because I didn't do well, its because people didn't want to look in the mirror..."
Iggy Pop to perform? Really? Fast forward!!
Seacrusty now stands by The Bottom Three, and will send someone back to The Couch of Comfort. Seacrusty says, "I can tell you now, The Soulful Jacob Lusk, that you will be leaving us..." (to which he nods his head) and then adds, "...and going back to the couch..."
And when Seacrusty says, "Peepee Tuscany," the eyes of Stefano Italiano are as big as tea saucers, the Idols on The Couch of Comfort are all stunned and shocked, the audience is booing loudly, and J-Lo is on the verge of tears. Randy the Dawg mouths a few curse words, as does Steven Tyler.
Here's my theory, and though I hate to agree with Noxema Agrhapbah, it might be the fact that more chicks watch this show that dudes. And many of those chicks are young chicks who vote for... dudes. They vote for all the good looking guys, and someone like Pia Tuscano might not stand a chance.
And truly, this is one of those moments where I realize that, in the long run, this isn't as important as say, the presidency or the homeless or our solders in harm's way...
...but at the same time, Pia Tuscano should not be going home tonight. Not at all. Were Casey A not saved a few weeks back (a move I agree with, by the way), then Pia would be saved tonight. The Lovely Steph Leann just pleads out loud, "Turn her mic off!" as her sobs are heard from the stage, while being hugged by The Soulful Jacob Lusk.
My Idol Blog Gently Weeps.
But now, its American Idol! I just started the show, just sat down with the laptop and keyboard, and am ready to hear some music from The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame!
THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL!
We get a little video showing us Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and some of the features and exhibits, as well as the hall of fame history, And then, our Idols come out, ready to give some Halla-Fame performances.
And we have a celebrity mentor this week, or two, with Jimmy Iovine. Gwen Stefani and Will.I.Am are here to help out.
At first, The Soulful Jacob Lusk is going to sing "Let's Get It On", but instead heads to Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror"... he tells us, "If I'm in the bottom three, it wont be because I sang it bad, it will be because America didn't want to look in the mirror." This message of guilt and shame brought to you from The Soulful Jacob Lusk.
His backup singer gets close on part of the song, and she literally looks like she doesn't have hair until halfway back on her head. She apparently doesn't have a mirror. Ah, its Siedah Garrett, the co-writer of that song... doesn't change the fact her hair is only half there.
Uncle Steven Tyler loved it. J-Lo gives an inspiration message. Randy the Dawg loved it. I thought it was pretty good as well.
Haley Reinhart, who I found out tonight that Cindy Jo can't stand, is doing Janis Joplin's "A Piece of My Heart". This song is perfect for her raspy voice that I dig.
(full disclosure... after recording The Deucecast Episode I: The Podcast Menace last night, I didn't get home until close to midnight, so by the time Haley Reinhart took the stage, I was drifting off... smashcut to 130 Thursday afternoon, and I finally fire up the DVR, and watch Haley Reinhart.)
ANYWAY, SHE IS SINGING "PIECE OF MY HEART" VERY LOUDLY, AND IF THIS WERE SCREAMING IDOL, SHE WOULD BE, AS CHUCK SHEEN LIKES TO SAY, WINNING. I'M NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT IT, SHE DOESN'T HAVE A CHANCE TO BE TOO PITCHY BECAUSE SHE'S YELLING EVERYTHING. AT LEAST SHE LOOKS GOOD. KINDA.
J-Lo loves it. Randy the Dawg thought it was cool, and "this is the Haley we love!" Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler loves the Janis Joplin sound. I digress.
Seacrusty asks us to vote on a song contest done by Idol and Taio Cruze, but all I can think of is "This Is My Now", the horrific song writing contest winner from some seasons ago.
The Saved Casey A is practicing The Police in front of Will.I.Am and Jimmy Iovine, and ends up changing his song to "Have You Ever Seen the Rain" by Creedance Clearwater Revival. Good, good choice, because standing there with his upright bass, it sounds fantastic. Problem is, since he took risks early on, and ended up in the Bottom Three, he's been a little too safe... he'll have to take more risks if he wants to win this thing.
Randy the Dawg says Casey A made CCR proud, and is making the upright bass cool again. Steven Tyler agrees, calling him a "true musician". J-Lo loved it.
America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina is doing to be doing "Natural Woman (you make me feel)" by Aretha Franklin. Will.I.Am tells her to use control, and its spelled C-O-U-N-T-R-O-U-L. Leave it to a southerner to make a 2 syllable word into a 7 syllable word.
Speaking of southern, how do you Alabama fans feel that Miss Georgia Girl is wearing Bear Bryant's houndstooth hat as a tiny pair of shorts... I say "tiny" because they are short--they aren't tiny in size, cause she's a cutie patootie, but she's got junk in dat trunk. And I'm typing all of this while she sings because while she has countroul, its kinda boring.
Christian Slater in the audience! Seacrusty comments on how much Christian Slater liked it... he cheers. He could care less about the song, it was the boobies. Dude, those are underage boobies. Settle down.
Steven Tyler loved it. J-Lo loved it. Randy the Dawg loved it.
Back from break, Seacrusty banters with the judges, before introducing The Straight Adam Lambert who is going to take a chance, after rocking out for three weeks in a row. Its a ballad called "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" from George Harrison (I like how he adds in "George Harrison, from The Beatles"... you should know that. If you don't, then either a, you are under 16 or b, you don't listen to music, ever, or c, both.)
Ya know, its not a good vocally as America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina's take on Aretha, but I actually am enjoying this more. Even the screech in the end was countrouled enough to sound good, and he wipes his eyes after the song is over. Good job, The Straight Adam Lambert.
J-Lo loved it. Randy the Dawg is pretty much the only judge who gives actual, good feedback, and he liked it. Steven Tyler loved it. Nothing new here.
And rock stuff is always harder for those who are defined country, but Deep Voiced Scotty is taking a chance on The King of Rock and Roll... no, not Nickelback... Elvis Presley. He's doing "It's Alright Mama". Will.I.Am tells him, "When you take country and rock together, you get... well, country rock..." Its good that Will.I.Am is here to help us out.
Head to toe denim, Deep Voiced Scotty is.. well, he's awesome. And he looks like he's having a blast up there, playing to the camera, moving around, and coming dangerously close to doing a D-X crotch chop from the WWE. And somehow, there are seven girls that are allowed to run up on stage and mob Deep Voiced Scotty.
Randy the Dawg gives his patented, "HE IS IN IT TO WIN IT! WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Steven Tyler loved him, making some compliment involving cattle. J-Lo tells him how much fun it was to watch him, and loved it.
Because Fox would never do something like cross-promote their products, it is unusual to see Seacrusty talking to Christian Slater, discussing the 7,387th new show starring Slater, "Breaking In", coming up next on Fox!
 |
| I think she's cute... but like, beautiful? Or hot? Not for me. I compare her to Celine Dion, who I also think is pretty, but not beautiful |
She's singing "River Deep Mountain High" from Tina Turner, who is a diva that some people forget about... we always remember "What's Love Got to Do With It", but take it back to Ike days, in the 60s and 70s, and holy crap, Tina Turner was insane good.
In what looks like 19 inch heels, she descends the stairs and sings to the judges, then the audience. And in the funniest paragraph I've read all day, Annie Barrett from EW.com writes this about J-Lo's bouncing up and down:
J. Lo was bouncing up and down in her chair like a child who's just been told she'll never have to wear an unflattering L.A.M.B. belted romper like the scary singing Bumpit lady as long as she is still breathing glitter into this little thing we call life. But you can't even tell. Just trust me that "the girls" were definitely on the upswing in this shot, but because of her supportive bra, nothing drastic happened and Steven and Randy were able to continue their naps in total peace.
By the way... she was great. Peepee was fantastic tonight.
Steven Tyler calls her a "murderer" because she killed it! J-Lo loved it. Randy the Dawg called her ubertalented. Then says, "Yo! Peepee's IN IT TO WIN IT!" which must make Deep Voiced Scotty a little disappointed, cause he thought that HE was in it to win it.
Stefano Italiano takes a huge risk by doing a rock song, and... wait, what? He's doing a ballad? "When a Man Loves a Woman" by Percy Sledge? For my money, there's nothing better than when Michael Bolton sings "When a Man Loves a Woman". I celebrate his entire catalogue.
Other than a strong, strong note he nails in the middle of the song, there is nothing really special about this song.
J-Lo loved it, describing her goose pimples she seems to keep getting. Maybe she needs some Noxema. No, the cream, not the nuts chick that got the boot last week. Randy the Dawg said it was a little jerky, and J-Lo yells, "Your crazy!" Steven Tyler loved it.
And finally, Pauly Mac is busting out with Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison Blues". Jimmy Iovine tells him that he needs to, "Sing out of your f$*#&)g mind." Okay, it sounds great. But here's what it makes me think... The Lovely Steph Leann and I are sitting at a small table in a coffeehouse, she's drinking tea and I'm playing Angry Birds, while the talented guitar player is on stage, with about 17 of his fans, friends and family in the front row, the rest of us just enjoying the background noise of good music. And he sings something soft like "Collide" by Howie Day, then to pick the mood up, he does this song, a Cash cover.
That's what Pauly Mac makes me think.
And because he went last, THIS is the song people will remember, unless they think of HALEY'S SONG SHE DID.
And in a surprise, Steven Tyler loved it. And in a shocker, J-Lo loved it. Yep, you guessed it, Randy the Dawg loved it too.
Here's my favorites of the night... Peepee Tuscany... Deep Voiced Scotty... The Straight Adam Lambert... The Saved Casey A... America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina... Pauly Mac... Haley Reinhart... The Soulful Jacob Lusk... Stefano Italiano.
I think that Deep Voiced Scotty, The Straight Adam Lambert, The Saved Casey A and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina are safe.
I think Peepee Tuscany and The Soulful Jacob Lusk are on the border.
And I think that Haley Reinhart, Pauly Mac and Stefano Italiano are in trouble, with Stefano getting out.
While my blog gently weeps.
AND NOW... RESULTS...
Well, that'll teach me to look at Facebook before I watch the DVR'd results show. The Lovely Steph Leann was in Hot-Lanta last night, so she didn't see Idol's performances. At this very second, she's watching it, and is about to watch Pauly Mac, which means in about 15 minutes, we'll be zooming through the results. And one quick glance at Facebook tells me... Peepee Tuscany said goodbye. Thanks to Kel-Fish and a number of others, there's your answer. Sigh.
And of course, she was my favorite of the night. Since I watched it earlier today, thats the only one that stuck in my head... "...do I love ya, my oh my..." and of course, she got the boot. Of course.
So, we start the show, and The Lovely Steph Leann has the remote. Thankfully, she knows the rules of fast forwarding, so in the 30-second skip, we only catch a snippet of the group song, and then we skip through the Ford video, and through an appearance by Russell Brand.
Now, the results, dim the lights! The Saved Casey A, Stefano Italiano and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina all make the walk from the Comfort Couch to center stage. The Silver Stools of Suck are mere feet away.
After the nationwide vote, America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina... is safe, and heads to the Couch of Comfort. Leaving The Saved Casey A and Stefano Italiano, where two weeks ago both were in the same position, leading to Casey A being booted, then getting The Judges Save. This time, however, its Stefano Italiano that heads to The Silver Stools of Suck.
As we are fast forwarding, we end up with some long haired dude singing... we try to figure out who he is, until he lifts his head, and its Constantine!
We see a video where Gwen Stefani is helping to give some fashion and hair assistance, which we fast forward.
Pauly Mac, Peepee Tuscany and Deep Voiced Scotty head to center stage. Deep Voiced Scotty heads to the Couch of Comfort, Pauly Mac then heads there, and Peepee Tuscany goes to what will be her doom on The Silver Stool of Suck.
We see a video from TMZ where the crew makes fun of the Idols and their missteps, including America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina falling down the steps.
Now, back to the results! Let's bring down The Straight Adam Lambert, Haley Reinhart and The Soulful Jacob Lusk. I'm guessing Haley ends up on The Silver Stools of Suck... The Straight Adam Lambert heads back to the Couch of Comfort... as does... Haley Reinhart!
The Soulful Jacob Lusk is in the Bottom Three, though saying something like, "If I'm in the bottom three, its not because I didn't do well, its because people didn't want to look in the mirror..."
Iggy Pop to perform? Really? Fast forward!!
Seacrusty now stands by The Bottom Three, and will send someone back to The Couch of Comfort. Seacrusty says, "I can tell you now, The Soulful Jacob Lusk, that you will be leaving us..." (to which he nods his head) and then adds, "...and going back to the couch..."
And when Seacrusty says, "Peepee Tuscany," the eyes of Stefano Italiano are as big as tea saucers, the Idols on The Couch of Comfort are all stunned and shocked, the audience is booing loudly, and J-Lo is on the verge of tears. Randy the Dawg mouths a few curse words, as does Steven Tyler.
Here's my theory, and though I hate to agree with Noxema Agrhapbah, it might be the fact that more chicks watch this show that dudes. And many of those chicks are young chicks who vote for... dudes. They vote for all the good looking guys, and someone like Pia Tuscano might not stand a chance.
And truly, this is one of those moments where I realize that, in the long run, this isn't as important as say, the presidency or the homeless or our solders in harm's way...
...but at the same time, Pia Tuscano should not be going home tonight. Not at all. Were Casey A not saved a few weeks back (a move I agree with, by the way), then Pia would be saved tonight. The Lovely Steph Leann just pleads out loud, "Turn her mic off!" as her sobs are heard from the stage, while being hugged by The Soulful Jacob Lusk.
My Idol Blog Gently Weeps.
Milking It
Boy, is it cold outside... (how cold is it?!)... its so cold... that I wanna make like, fifty global warming jokes right now!
It is quite cold, though. And we've had FOUR straight days of snow... thats one-two-three-four, and I don't know that I've seen that here, or at least have been through it. I'm sure you people reading in Detroit and Denver and Boston and Cleveland are saying, "Psshaw! That's nothing! You and your inch of snow..." but its not even the snow so much as it is the ice.
I'm sure that people in New York laugh as us, but you have to understand, its not just the snow, and its not just the ice, its also the bad, bad drivers. People around here barely know how to drive on pleasant, partly sunny and breezy 73 degree days in late April... stick them behind the wheel of a two ton vehicle, toss some ice on the road, knock the thermometer down to below freezing and the a dash of over-correcting, a hint of nervous twitching and some inexperience in the conditions, and you got a mess.... a cold, rainy, icy mess. Yes, NYC drivers are terrible too, but they have experience at being terrible, which makes them pretty good at it.
When I got to Starbucks on Monday morning--we opened late, due to it being so icy and barren--the main highway, that being Highway 280, was empty. I stood in the middle of the north bound lane and snapped a photo at 910 in the morning, a Monday morning, and saw nothing. Nothing but grey skies, a slow moving car, a stalled truck on the side of the road, and dirty ice, sleet and snow spread all over the lanes, over the median, and gloom and cold.
We get deliveries of milk, pastries and essentials (vanilla syrup, espresso beans, etc) a couple of times per week, and when I got in that morning, the milk and supplies had been delivered. The boys who deliver the milk aren't the brightest in the business, I dare say... our big fridge in the back has three doors. 2% milk goes in the fridge door on the left, nonfat goes in the middle, and the rest--whole milk, half-n-half, heavy whipping cream, orange juice--go in the door on the right. Open up that fridge at any time, and its pretty easy to see how it goes.
Yet, our milk guys like to put milk everywhere. Open up the left door, where the 2% milk should go, and you see two shelves of 2%, a shelf of non fat, there will be a shelf of half 2% and half nonfat, and even half-n-half, all shoved disorganized and scattered. Each shelf will hold 20 gallons of milk, but if you just toss them on there higgledy-piggledy, you're lucky to get 15 or 16. Not that I'm expecting these milk boys to organize every single thing as they deliver, its not their job to do so... but seriously. It almost seems like they try and goof it all up on purpose. I've spent many a early morning moving milk around, wiping up leaky dairy on the bottom of the fridge, a dozen jugs of heavy cream strewn about the floor, moving gallons of milk from the top of one shelf to the bottom of another, from the middle of one shelf to the top of another, and so on. But I'm not bitter.
Where was I?
Ah yes, milk deliveries. Well, they delivered Monday morning. We went through Monday, and survived, we got through Tuesday and survived, and come Wednesday morning... the delivery had no come. We were alright, mind you, we had a good forty gallons or so of 2%, but by early afternoon, we were down to 13. You might think "Wow, you went through 27 gallons of milk in one day?" and to that I answer, "Psshaw... we go through 27 gallons of milk before 10am sometimes."
So, Melanie, or MZ as I have called her on this page previously, is not only one of my best friends, she's also my manager. So Best Friend Manager Melanie tells me around 1 to head to Wal-Mart and get some milk, perhaps 20 gallons.
Wal-Mart is our milk destination of choice when we run out, as we've made several trips there over Christmas to buy it. It was never a case of Best Friend Manager Melanie not ordering enough, it was a case of, our fridges not being big enough to hold all of the milk we needed. We'd have 100 to 120 gallons of 2% milk easily on Friday morning, and need milk again by Sunday evening. To Wal-Mart we'd go.
Melanie had to get milk once, and it happened to be a on rainy, dirty, cold Decmeber day when bad weather was approaching, one of those James Spann Takes Your TV Over kind of patterns (sort of like we've had the last few days). So here she is with two shopping carts full of milk, trying to get from the back of Wal-Mart to the front of the store, probably 40 or 50 gallons. And she hears nothing but snide remarks from people, like "That's a lot of milk!" and "Got some kinda party, dontcha?" One kid even said, "You should have just bought a cow." She glared at him. Melanie, love her, but her glare is pretty daunting. As her subordinate, I know this glare well.
Where was I?
Ah, yes, milk. I had my own milk experience a few weeks ago, once again close to bad weather. As I stand by the milk case and put in 33 gallons of milk into my cart, none other than Cindy Jo walks over and makes the obligatory, "You gonna leave some for anyone else?" comment. I told her what I was doing, and Marky Mark Warner then walks over, and says, "You gonna leave some for anyone else?"
And as I pushed the cart through to the register, and of course, had to stand in a line for a few minutes, I heard several comments... I mean, I guess its natural, because you don't see people with 33 gallons of milk in their shopping cart, but for me, its not out of the ordinary. I told the lady in front of me in line that "my wife is obsessed with making sure she doesn't get osteoporosis, so she drinks a heckuva lot of milk" and I told the chick at the register that we were having "one crazy PG party for Christmas!"
So, my whole point of bringing this up was that I had to go to Wal-Mart today for milk. As I walked into the grocery side, I randomly passed two moms, with their carts parked right in the middle of the main aisle. The carts were angled, with their front corners touched. A mom stood on the handle end of each cart, just chatting away, and as I passed them, I heard one mom say, "Where are you staying?" and I heard the other mom say, "We are staying at The Contemporary."
Must be nice.
Anyway, got to the back of the store, and waited as this older lady just stood in front of the milk door. I assume she was deciding on what she wanted, either 2% (on the left) or whole milk (on the right), but my problem was that I had left the store to come get milk, and really needed to get back. I noticed the older lady had a huge bottle of wine sitting in the middle of her cart, and all I could think was, "This is the last person that needs alcohol..." But, who am I to judge, right? Right.
She finally moved after a minute or two, and I rolled my cart up, opened the door and hauled out 20 gallons of milk. Unlike the previous milk expidition, I heard nary a comment from anyone... after the last four days of snow, ice and cold weather, I guess people thought I was just getting ready for the next round. The moms were still parked in the dead center of the aisle, and as I passed by, I heard the first mom say, "Well, we had a great time when we were there." and the other mom said, "Its Disney, so you know they will..."
What they will do, I never found out because I was in a hurry. Got to the register, waiting in line, and was almost out, almost got away without anyone saying anything... and up walks Big Phil Glassco, father of Rebecca Glassco Figart, and a former stallwart of Valleydale Baptist Church... and Big Phil Glassco says, "Man, you got some milk there, dontcha?" I just smile, shake his hand and say, "Hey, we got caught off guard a few days ago... never again!"
The milk was delivered via Red Robin, and I came home not too long after that... and bundled up, because its cold. Its cold now. And at The Cabana, at this very moment, we have no milk here, and I'd love some. Ironic.
It is quite cold, though. And we've had FOUR straight days of snow... thats one-two-three-four, and I don't know that I've seen that here, or at least have been through it. I'm sure you people reading in Detroit and Denver and Boston and Cleveland are saying, "Psshaw! That's nothing! You and your inch of snow..." but its not even the snow so much as it is the ice.
I'm sure that people in New York laugh as us, but you have to understand, its not just the snow, and its not just the ice, its also the bad, bad drivers. People around here barely know how to drive on pleasant, partly sunny and breezy 73 degree days in late April... stick them behind the wheel of a two ton vehicle, toss some ice on the road, knock the thermometer down to below freezing and the a dash of over-correcting, a hint of nervous twitching and some inexperience in the conditions, and you got a mess.... a cold, rainy, icy mess. Yes, NYC drivers are terrible too, but they have experience at being terrible, which makes them pretty good at it.
 |
| I almost slipped three times getting out here. Usually, this road, at this time, has hundreds of cars on it. |
We get deliveries of milk, pastries and essentials (vanilla syrup, espresso beans, etc) a couple of times per week, and when I got in that morning, the milk and supplies had been delivered. The boys who deliver the milk aren't the brightest in the business, I dare say... our big fridge in the back has three doors. 2% milk goes in the fridge door on the left, nonfat goes in the middle, and the rest--whole milk, half-n-half, heavy whipping cream, orange juice--go in the door on the right. Open up that fridge at any time, and its pretty easy to see how it goes.
Yet, our milk guys like to put milk everywhere. Open up the left door, where the 2% milk should go, and you see two shelves of 2%, a shelf of non fat, there will be a shelf of half 2% and half nonfat, and even half-n-half, all shoved disorganized and scattered. Each shelf will hold 20 gallons of milk, but if you just toss them on there higgledy-piggledy, you're lucky to get 15 or 16. Not that I'm expecting these milk boys to organize every single thing as they deliver, its not their job to do so... but seriously. It almost seems like they try and goof it all up on purpose. I've spent many a early morning moving milk around, wiping up leaky dairy on the bottom of the fridge, a dozen jugs of heavy cream strewn about the floor, moving gallons of milk from the top of one shelf to the bottom of another, from the middle of one shelf to the top of another, and so on. But I'm not bitter.
Where was I?
Ah yes, milk deliveries. Well, they delivered Monday morning. We went through Monday, and survived, we got through Tuesday and survived, and come Wednesday morning... the delivery had no come. We were alright, mind you, we had a good forty gallons or so of 2%, but by early afternoon, we were down to 13. You might think "Wow, you went through 27 gallons of milk in one day?" and to that I answer, "Psshaw... we go through 27 gallons of milk before 10am sometimes."
 |
| At Starbucks. She looks great. I don't. As usual. |
Wal-Mart is our milk destination of choice when we run out, as we've made several trips there over Christmas to buy it. It was never a case of Best Friend Manager Melanie not ordering enough, it was a case of, our fridges not being big enough to hold all of the milk we needed. We'd have 100 to 120 gallons of 2% milk easily on Friday morning, and need milk again by Sunday evening. To Wal-Mart we'd go.
Melanie had to get milk once, and it happened to be a on rainy, dirty, cold Decmeber day when bad weather was approaching, one of those James Spann Takes Your TV Over kind of patterns (sort of like we've had the last few days). So here she is with two shopping carts full of milk, trying to get from the back of Wal-Mart to the front of the store, probably 40 or 50 gallons. And she hears nothing but snide remarks from people, like "That's a lot of milk!" and "Got some kinda party, dontcha?" One kid even said, "You should have just bought a cow." She glared at him. Melanie, love her, but her glare is pretty daunting. As her subordinate, I know this glare well.
Where was I?
Ah, yes, milk. I had my own milk experience a few weeks ago, once again close to bad weather. As I stand by the milk case and put in 33 gallons of milk into my cart, none other than Cindy Jo walks over and makes the obligatory, "You gonna leave some for anyone else?" comment. I told her what I was doing, and Marky Mark Warner then walks over, and says, "You gonna leave some for anyone else?"
And as I pushed the cart through to the register, and of course, had to stand in a line for a few minutes, I heard several comments... I mean, I guess its natural, because you don't see people with 33 gallons of milk in their shopping cart, but for me, its not out of the ordinary. I told the lady in front of me in line that "my wife is obsessed with making sure she doesn't get osteoporosis, so she drinks a heckuva lot of milk" and I told the chick at the register that we were having "one crazy PG party for Christmas!"
 |
| This is what a shopping cart filled with 33 gallons of milk looks like |
Must be nice.
Anyway, got to the back of the store, and waited as this older lady just stood in front of the milk door. I assume she was deciding on what she wanted, either 2% (on the left) or whole milk (on the right), but my problem was that I had left the store to come get milk, and really needed to get back. I noticed the older lady had a huge bottle of wine sitting in the middle of her cart, and all I could think was, "This is the last person that needs alcohol..." But, who am I to judge, right? Right.
She finally moved after a minute or two, and I rolled my cart up, opened the door and hauled out 20 gallons of milk. Unlike the previous milk expidition, I heard nary a comment from anyone... after the last four days of snow, ice and cold weather, I guess people thought I was just getting ready for the next round. The moms were still parked in the dead center of the aisle, and as I passed by, I heard the first mom say, "Well, we had a great time when we were there." and the other mom said, "Its Disney, so you know they will..."
What they will do, I never found out because I was in a hurry. Got to the register, waiting in line, and was almost out, almost got away without anyone saying anything... and up walks Big Phil Glassco, father of Rebecca Glassco Figart, and a former stallwart of Valleydale Baptist Church... and Big Phil Glassco says, "Man, you got some milk there, dontcha?" I just smile, shake his hand and say, "Hey, we got caught off guard a few days ago... never again!"
The milk was delivered via Red Robin, and I came home not too long after that... and bundled up, because its cold. Its cold now. And at The Cabana, at this very moment, we have no milk here, and I'd love some. Ironic.
Goodbye Haeley!
Two Idols in one night... first, I watched the Chick Six, after watching the Dude Half Dozen last night... and its the recap! I haven't checked Facebook or EW.com in the last few hours, so as not to find out by someone putting on their status "Wow! I can't believe Blah Blah is staying!" or "OMG, I wish Blah Blah would get out of here!".
THIS
IS AMERICAN
IDOL
Tonight, not only do we have an hour's worth of show to tell us what can be told in 2 minutes, in that hour we have The Widower Danny Gokey singing tonight.
Lest I forget, there is a way to move quickly through this show, and that's skipping the Group Song, which always sucks.
The guys are first. Tim "I'm Not Keith" Urban stands up, and he's safe. Todrick Hall is next. After the nationwide vote, he is asked to remain standing--and that smile on Todrick's face shrinks to a slight grin. Big Mike is grinning big, and Seacrest tells him he can sit down now.
Casey James is called up next, and he's safe. Which leaves Todrick Hall and John Park, which I could see coming when the back row stood up. I could lose either of these guys and be okay. Who goes home? John Park. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I think I could have done without Todrick... he's kinda of annoying..."
And... now we can skip through John Park's song and through commercials.
And now, the guy's front row stands up. Lee Dewyze stands up, and sits down, safely. Aaron Kelly stands, and will be sitting down shortly. And... he's sitting down. Alex "Don't Call Me Adam" Lambert is called upon next, and Seacrest tells him to sit. This leaves Andy Garcia and The Wrong Jermaine. Both come to the middle... The Lovely Steph Leann begins to pray, "Oh, please let it be Jermaine who goes home... its got to be Jermaine... its got to be Jermaine..."
Who is safe and sticking around? Andy Garcia, the early favorite, survives a scare.
And... now we can skip through The Wrong Jermaine's song and through commercials.
Here comes The Widower Danny Gokey, and somewhere, Cindy Jo is searching for the keys to the bandwagon that she was driving all last year (that is, until she stabbed The Goke in the back and went all Kris Allen on him--again, bandwagon)
He's here promoting his brand new album, and his new single, "My Best Days". Its pretty generic, not bad, but I can tell The Lovely Steph Leann is all kinds of digging it. She does this slight head nod to the music when she is taking in something that she really likes.
I wish that the judges would be able to critique the new stuff. I'd love to hear what Simon the Cowell had to say about "My Best Days".
Speaking of which, Ellen DeG says she loved the performance, and that they'll put them through. Apparently, last year when Randy Travis was a "mentor", he came up to The Goke and told him that he should do country. He is just talking a thousand words a minute, and its like Seacrest is trying to cut him off but can't. Seriously... I kinda like The Goke. He's a good guy.
Let's flip to the Chick Six. Dim the lights!
Lillyscott is up first, and she easily sails through. She sits down, safe. Paige Miles, Didi Benami, Michelle My Belle, Katie Stevens are all on this row. This sucks... I don't want to lose anyone in this row.
Paige sits down. Katie Stevens is up, and she sits down. Didi Benami and Michelle My Belle are left. BOO!!! BOO!!!
And... now we can sadly skip through Michelle My Belle's song and through commercials.
Who stays? Either way it sucks. Haeley and Lacey should be out of here! Didi Benami is safe... and out of those two, I'm okay with it, but it sucks! First Janell Wheeler and now Michelle My Belle! Of course, this is a country who elected a guy to lead the country after less than 150 days in the Senate, because he wasn't Bush and he wasn't white. On all counts, BOOO!!!!
Now on the front row, Katie Epperly is up first, and she sits down. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Yeah, but don't ever, ever wear those earrings again." C'Bosox is obviously safe. Duh.
Siobhan Magnus is up now... okay, okay, I admit it, I like her more and more I think. She comes back next week.
That leaves Haeley Vaughn and Lacey Brown. For the guys, I could have lost either Todrick or John Park and not cared... but this duo? Get rid of Haeley! Lacey is going to have to step it up like a stepshow next week, though. Simon says, "Its obvious who will go home tonight..." I beg to differ, because this is the same show that sent home Janell Wheeler, Joe Munoz and Michelle My Belle, so who knows what's happening here?
Whew... Haeley is going home.
And then, in conversation with Haeley, I'm not sure how it happened, but Seacrest either used the word "cooter", "hooter" or "pooter". Either way, so long Haeley.
THIS
IS AMERICAN
IDOL
Tonight, not only do we have an hour's worth of show to tell us what can be told in 2 minutes, in that hour we have The Widower Danny Gokey singing tonight.
Lest I forget, there is a way to move quickly through this show, and that's skipping the Group Song, which always sucks.
The guys are first. Tim "I'm Not Keith" Urban stands up, and he's safe. Todrick Hall is next. After the nationwide vote, he is asked to remain standing--and that smile on Todrick's face shrinks to a slight grin. Big Mike is grinning big, and Seacrest tells him he can sit down now.
Casey James is called up next, and he's safe. Which leaves Todrick Hall and John Park, which I could see coming when the back row stood up. I could lose either of these guys and be okay. Who goes home? John Park. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I think I could have done without Todrick... he's kinda of annoying..."
And... now we can skip through John Park's song and through commercials.
And now, the guy's front row stands up. Lee Dewyze stands up, and sits down, safely. Aaron Kelly stands, and will be sitting down shortly. And... he's sitting down. Alex "Don't Call Me Adam" Lambert is called upon next, and Seacrest tells him to sit. This leaves Andy Garcia and The Wrong Jermaine. Both come to the middle... The Lovely Steph Leann begins to pray, "Oh, please let it be Jermaine who goes home... its got to be Jermaine... its got to be Jermaine..."
Who is safe and sticking around? Andy Garcia, the early favorite, survives a scare.
And... now we can skip through The Wrong Jermaine's song and through commercials.
He's here promoting his brand new album, and his new single, "My Best Days". Its pretty generic, not bad, but I can tell The Lovely Steph Leann is all kinds of digging it. She does this slight head nod to the music when she is taking in something that she really likes.
I wish that the judges would be able to critique the new stuff. I'd love to hear what Simon the Cowell had to say about "My Best Days".
Speaking of which, Ellen DeG says she loved the performance, and that they'll put them through. Apparently, last year when Randy Travis was a "mentor", he came up to The Goke and told him that he should do country. He is just talking a thousand words a minute, and its like Seacrest is trying to cut him off but can't. Seriously... I kinda like The Goke. He's a good guy.
Let's flip to the Chick Six. Dim the lights!
Lillyscott is up first, and she easily sails through. She sits down, safe. Paige Miles, Didi Benami, Michelle My Belle, Katie Stevens are all on this row. This sucks... I don't want to lose anyone in this row.
Paige sits down. Katie Stevens is up, and she sits down. Didi Benami and Michelle My Belle are left. BOO!!! BOO!!!
And... now we can sadly skip through Michelle My Belle's song and through commercials.
Who stays? Either way it sucks. Haeley and Lacey should be out of here! Didi Benami is safe... and out of those two, I'm okay with it, but it sucks! First Janell Wheeler and now Michelle My Belle! Of course, this is a country who elected a guy to lead the country after less than 150 days in the Senate, because he wasn't Bush and he wasn't white. On all counts, BOOO!!!!
Now on the front row, Katie Epperly is up first, and she sits down. The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Yeah, but don't ever, ever wear those earrings again." C'Bosox is obviously safe. Duh.
Siobhan Magnus is up now... okay, okay, I admit it, I like her more and more I think. She comes back next week.
That leaves Haeley Vaughn and Lacey Brown. For the guys, I could have lost either Todrick or John Park and not cared... but this duo? Get rid of Haeley! Lacey is going to have to step it up like a stepshow next week, though. Simon says, "Its obvious who will go home tonight..." I beg to differ, because this is the same show that sent home Janell Wheeler, Joe Munoz and Michelle My Belle, so who knows what's happening here?
Whew... Haeley is going home.
And then, in conversation with Haeley, I'm not sure how it happened, but Seacrest either used the word "cooter", "hooter" or "pooter". Either way, so long Haeley.
Missed Idol Part I (Denver)
Vacation is over! Its time to head to Denver... since I'm trying to cram in two nights into a quick recap, I'll go quick and give you the highpoints...
THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL
**Erin the Marine Wife swooned and possibly wee'd herself as they flashback to Daughtry, who auditioned in Denver some years ago. And really, who doesn't like Daughtry? I feel like, if Rob Thomas buffed up and became slightly more masculine, he might be Daughtry.
**Because they couldn't find another guest host, I'm sure, Posh Spice is back. The woman is a stick. Seriously. The Enchanting Nikki Brown could look at Posh and say, "Wow. I feel fat next to her." I say that in love... the Enchanting Nikki Brown is about as thin and pretty as you can healthly be.
**This guy named Mark say people call him Jack Black, though I think he looks like Jonah Hill. He sounds pretty good, too, doing "Tempted" by Squeeze. He goes to Hollywood.
**Some guy named Mario. I didn't get his last name, and it really doesn't matter.
Commercial break
**Is it bad that I get a laugh out of people who come out cursing, swinging at the camera and yelling because they didn't get picked? Not the ones who are just merely crying because they thought they had a shot, but those people who love to say stuff like, "They cut ME and they kept all them bad people!"
**Kimberly Kerbow. Love her. Love the song "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michelson, love her audition, I can dig it.
**Montage of what seems like 3,000 people who get Golden Tickets.
**Karaoke host (!) Danielle Hayes is up next. She's teary in the audition room, as she launches in "I'm the Only One" by Melissa Ethridge... this is the favorite song of The Lovely Steph Leann by the aforementioned musical lesbian (Melissa, not Danielle. Or The Lovely Steph Leann). She doesn't sound perfect, but she's got this raspy voice (Danielle, not Melissa. Or The Lovely Steph Leann.. more on voices later) that sounds great. I like her. (Danielle, I mean. Though I do like Melissa, particularly "Come to My Window". And The Lovely Steph Leann too.)
Commercial break
**Bad costume/outfit montage. While Kara the Hotness continues to be The Hotness, Posh has this weird hair thing going on. Plus, Randy the Dawg held up a pencil and you couldn't see Posh behind it.
**Backstore. Cindy Jo is openly weeping. Casey James is singing with a backstory. And somehow, he takes his shirt off.. at the judges request. Paula Abdul is spotted outside, holding a hotel key and begging to be let back in. Mark, the hubby of Cindy Jo, is openly weeping.
**So, like, is Denver full of good looking chicks, or are they just picking and choosing the eye candy. Tori Kelly is singing and... of course, I find out she's 16, and I'm a little creeped out at what I just said. Never mind. She sings John Mayer, isn't that memorable except for her fabulous hair, but she's on to Hollywood.
Commercial break
**Austin Paul. You know this is going to be bad, as the video clip portrays him as... well, a dumb jock. And a little egotistical. And it helps that he's singing, "Bigger Than My Body" by John Mayer. Can we spend more time on thos people who I enjoy hearing? Like, Kimberly Kerbow's version of "The Way I Am"? Anyway.
**He comes another guy, Kenny, who is the self-proclaimed "World's best singer" and they show him moving and dancing, and a few seconds later, failing. With the offer to sing something else, they shut him down. And after being shut down, he fulfills his own offer to sing something else.
Really, at no point in the decade of American Idol have any judge--Simon, Paula, Randy, Kristen Chenoweth, Posh, Tarantino, Shania, you name it, never has a single judge said, after initially saying, "Wow, you suck" then turned and said, "Wait, you sound great now! We're glad you decided to go ahead and sing another song even though we told you that you suck... here's your golden ticket now!". Never. Just sayin'.
Commercial break
**You know those drawings where they draw your face a little bigger than normal, and they tend to really accentuate features on your face, with a very tiny body in some weird outfit? Its pronounced Char-ick-a-chure, but I'm puzzled on the exact spelling... anyway, there was a girl who looked like a human version of one of those. Scary. Only slightly more scary than a scattin' Mexican.
**Nicci Nix. She flew from Florence, Italy, to audition in Denver. But I don't like her. How can you make such a judgement so soon, you ask? Her voice is really annoying. No, her singing is fine, but her talking?
Like, I went out with a girl that talked like that back in the single swingin' days, and I purposely didn't call her back for one reason--she was great, she was really pretty, she was Godly, and I had a good time... but she talked like Nicci talks. I mean, if I knew that she could have sung all the time, like "Heeey... I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make dinner!" or maybe "I-I-I-I-I will beeeee... at the deeeeentist office tomorrrrrooowww....", I might have called her back. But I couldn't have taken it.
Hey, don't hate. Thats a voice I'd have to hear for the next 50 years. That's why I think that you should enjoy kissing the one you end up with--that's a kiss you'll be getting for 99% of your mornings and evenings for the next four to six decades. If you are waiting til the alter to kiss, so be it, I tip my hat... but The Lovely Steph Leann has a great kiss, has a great voice and can make a mean Sweet Potato Casserole. There wasn't much left after that to mull over. I ain't sayin', I'm just sayin'.
Oh, and Nicci made it to Hollywood. Sigh.
Commercial break
**Finally, another Cindy Jo Weepy backstory, mostly about a dead dad not being able to see his daughter audition. And they are going through so much. And Haeley Vaughn wants to be the first black country star--hence, "Last Name" by Carrie Underwood--but I'm sure she's forgetting to mention (or perhaps too young to know and appreciate) Hootie himself, Darius Rucker, and of course, Charley Pride. And she's got a good voice.
And to wrap up, the final contestant of the day... a dude comes in wearing a bikini, and he's going to sing "Achy Breaky Heart". And the best move of the day, all four judges get up and walk out in the first line of the song (that he flubs, by the way).
From Denver, 26 make it to Hollywood, but out of the ones they showed, the only ones I really liked were Kimberly Kerbow, Danielle Hayes
THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL
**Erin the Marine Wife swooned and possibly wee'd herself as they flashback to Daughtry, who auditioned in Denver some years ago. And really, who doesn't like Daughtry? I feel like, if Rob Thomas buffed up and became slightly more masculine, he might be Daughtry.
**Because they couldn't find another guest host, I'm sure, Posh Spice is back. The woman is a stick. Seriously. The Enchanting Nikki Brown could look at Posh and say, "Wow. I feel fat next to her." I say that in love... the Enchanting Nikki Brown is about as thin and pretty as you can healthly be.
**This guy named Mark say people call him Jack Black, though I think he looks like Jonah Hill. He sounds pretty good, too, doing "Tempted" by Squeeze. He goes to Hollywood.
**Some guy named Mario. I didn't get his last name, and it really doesn't matter.
Commercial break
**Is it bad that I get a laugh out of people who come out cursing, swinging at the camera and yelling because they didn't get picked? Not the ones who are just merely crying because they thought they had a shot, but those people who love to say stuff like, "They cut ME and they kept all them bad people!"
**Kimberly Kerbow. Love her. Love the song "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michelson, love her audition, I can dig it.
**Montage of what seems like 3,000 people who get Golden Tickets.
**Karaoke host (!) Danielle Hayes is up next. She's teary in the audition room, as she launches in "I'm the Only One" by Melissa Ethridge... this is the favorite song of The Lovely Steph Leann by the aforementioned musical lesbian (Melissa, not Danielle. Or The Lovely Steph Leann). She doesn't sound perfect, but she's got this raspy voice (Danielle, not Melissa. Or The Lovely Steph Leann.. more on voices later) that sounds great. I like her. (Danielle, I mean. Though I do like Melissa, particularly "Come to My Window". And The Lovely Steph Leann too.)
Commercial break
**Bad costume/outfit montage. While Kara the Hotness continues to be The Hotness, Posh has this weird hair thing going on. Plus, Randy the Dawg held up a pencil and you couldn't see Posh behind it.
**Backstore. Cindy Jo is openly weeping. Casey James is singing with a backstory. And somehow, he takes his shirt off.. at the judges request. Paula Abdul is spotted outside, holding a hotel key and begging to be let back in. Mark, the hubby of Cindy Jo, is openly weeping.
**So, like, is Denver full of good looking chicks, or are they just picking and choosing the eye candy. Tori Kelly is singing and... of course, I find out she's 16, and I'm a little creeped out at what I just said. Never mind. She sings John Mayer, isn't that memorable except for her fabulous hair, but she's on to Hollywood.
Commercial break
**Austin Paul. You know this is going to be bad, as the video clip portrays him as... well, a dumb jock. And a little egotistical. And it helps that he's singing, "Bigger Than My Body" by John Mayer. Can we spend more time on thos people who I enjoy hearing? Like, Kimberly Kerbow's version of "The Way I Am"? Anyway.
**He comes another guy, Kenny, who is the self-proclaimed "World's best singer" and they show him moving and dancing, and a few seconds later, failing. With the offer to sing something else, they shut him down. And after being shut down, he fulfills his own offer to sing something else.
Really, at no point in the decade of American Idol have any judge--Simon, Paula, Randy, Kristen Chenoweth, Posh, Tarantino, Shania, you name it, never has a single judge said, after initially saying, "Wow, you suck" then turned and said, "Wait, you sound great now! We're glad you decided to go ahead and sing another song even though we told you that you suck... here's your golden ticket now!". Never. Just sayin'.
Commercial break
**You know those drawings where they draw your face a little bigger than normal, and they tend to really accentuate features on your face, with a very tiny body in some weird outfit? Its pronounced Char-ick-a-chure, but I'm puzzled on the exact spelling... anyway, there was a girl who looked like a human version of one of those. Scary. Only slightly more scary than a scattin' Mexican.
**Nicci Nix. She flew from Florence, Italy, to audition in Denver. But I don't like her. How can you make such a judgement so soon, you ask? Her voice is really annoying. No, her singing is fine, but her talking?
Like, I went out with a girl that talked like that back in the single swingin' days, and I purposely didn't call her back for one reason--she was great, she was really pretty, she was Godly, and I had a good time... but she talked like Nicci talks. I mean, if I knew that she could have sung all the time, like "Heeey... I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make dinner!" or maybe "I-I-I-I-I will beeeee... at the deeeeentist office tomorrrrrooowww....", I might have called her back. But I couldn't have taken it.
Hey, don't hate. Thats a voice I'd have to hear for the next 50 years. That's why I think that you should enjoy kissing the one you end up with--that's a kiss you'll be getting for 99% of your mornings and evenings for the next four to six decades. If you are waiting til the alter to kiss, so be it, I tip my hat... but The Lovely Steph Leann has a great kiss, has a great voice and can make a mean Sweet Potato Casserole. There wasn't much left after that to mull over. I ain't sayin', I'm just sayin'.
Oh, and Nicci made it to Hollywood. Sigh.
Commercial break
**Finally, another Cindy Jo Weepy backstory, mostly about a dead dad not being able to see his daughter audition. And they are going through so much. And Haeley Vaughn wants to be the first black country star--hence, "Last Name" by Carrie Underwood--but I'm sure she's forgetting to mention (or perhaps too young to know and appreciate) Hootie himself, Darius Rucker, and of course, Charley Pride. And she's got a good voice.From Denver, 26 make it to Hollywood, but out of the ones they showed, the only ones I really liked were Kimberly Kerbow, Danielle Hayes
Katy Hudson Perry Kissed an Idol (and she liked it)
Back from Dale's Southern Grill, its just after 8:45pm CST... we're here... I'm in the recliner, laptop atop the lap... The Lovely Steph Leann on the couch, blanket in hand, ready to cover... Seacrest on the air...
THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL
Its Los Angeles this time around! Hollywood, movie stars, and 11,000 of our closest friends who think they can sing. Don't forget--My Girl McPhee came from this area... and her blond hair? Not quite. Not quite at all.
Neil goes on about wanting to sing to express love and help people and so on... The Lovely Steph Leann mumbles, "Oh, Lord..."
When he comes in and talks to the judges, suddenly this weird tick thing starts. "Rock & Roll Dreams Comes True" is his song of choice. The first line is "Remember everything that I told you..." and then he blanks. Simon says, "How ironic..."
If you are singing, and you take your index finger and tap your throat as you sing, and that's how Neil sounds. He is not going through, and he refuses to leave, saying, "There is no reality except for what we make for ourselves!" then goes on to argue with Kara the Hotness, Randy and Simon, while Avril starts laughing... and I'm getting the sense that he's putting on a little bit.
The Lovely Steph Leann observes, "His hair is... really far off of his forehead..."
And here comes a heartwarming story from a guy named Jim Ranger, who is a worship pastor, and has about 83 kids. Do all worship pastors have this many kids? Doesn't Kris Dekker, from Valleydale Chrch (an sbc fellowship) have like, 9? Or is that Amanda Cranston? Anyway...
He's got much cooler hair than the aforementioned Neil, and he's singing a song he wrote called, "Drive." Simon likes the voice, Avril just rambles about something before saying no, Kara the Hotness says yes and Randy says yes. So Avril? She's kind of annoying. And giggly. Which is a bad combination.
So the next montage is those who didn't make it... including a guy who makes The Lovely Steph Leann yelp, one guy who makes me laugh with his "Kung Fu Fighting" and another guy who looks like Danny Zucko, but doesn't sing as well.
Here comes a guy who excels in martial arts (The Lovely Steph Leann: "Oh, baby... this is going to be bad... oh no oh no... please don't his that high note here...").
Damien Lefavor starts tosing destroy, "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" Simon says, "You should just go." Damien leaves, though he thinks the bad note at the end is what killed it for him. Uh...
Scary Girl shows up, and suddenly Avril just loves her. Mary Powers is singing, "Love is a Battlefield" and... well, she's really not bad. She's actually pretty good... Mary is dressed like your typical rock star, dark, dyed hair, eyeliner, punk outfit... she gets four yes votes, and she heads to Hollywood. And Mary's daughter comes in to meet her hero Simon, and she's speechless...
And of course, we get our share of The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert wannabes... and one guy recorded a demo for said Gay American Idol Runner Up, and apparently Gay American Idol Runner Up liked it--so sez AJ Mendoza.
You figure he might do well... but "Cult of Personality" by Living Colour, known for being one of the world's first rock bands with a black dude in it... the song is fantastic. The audition is terrible. Terrible.
So Katy Hudson Perry is up now as a guest judge ("I'm glad Avril is gone. I don't think I'd like her in real life"--The Lovely Steph Leann). Did you know that Katy used to be a Christian rocker? I've got her CD upstairs somewhere. Its okay, I guess. Though I can honestly say, like Lady GaGa, I've not heard much Katy Hudson Perry. I'm sure she's a good singer and all, but not my thing.
I'm so afraid that Lorelei Addison will be raised in a good Christian Cabana, attending Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) and she'll end up like Katy Perry... using her God given talents to hook up with a bad British comedian, wearing booby-flashing outfits and singing songs about joining the First Lesbiterian Church.
Here's Austin Fullmer. His shirt looks like it was bodypainted onto his chest... not only is he trying to do Cheap Trick, he's trying to do the accents. British accents, like Mick Jaggar... I don't think Cheap Trick is even British. I liked Cheap Trick, though, because that guy in their band had that guitar that had like, four necks on it... that was just cool. When I was in 7th grade, I'd watch their videos on MTV just to see that guitar.
And Austin doesn't make it, and blames Simon.
Here's another failure montage... and a girl crying because she didn't make it. A guy crying it because he didn't make it. Another girl crying. And another. And another. And a wailing chick. And there's Sanjaya's crying girl who didn't make it in the auditions this year. The Lovely Steph Leann picked it up.
Heartwarming backstory of Andrew Garcia, who has tried to not join a gang and tried to live a straight life. Dad starts crying. Cindy Jo is openly weeping right now.
He's pretty good, though, in his audition He's got that Michael Buble kind of voice, even though he looks like a Mexican landscaper with glasses. Simon says, "The only person today that I genuinely believe is a good, good singer." Kara the Hotness liked it alot, Randy the Dawg tells him he gotz mad vokulz, and KatyHudson Perry says it gave her chills.
Tasha Layton? She's this chick who is a personal assistant by day and by night a.... minister?... really? I want to be a fly on the wall when Tasha and Jim Ranger discuss theology. She sings "Baby Baby Baby" by Joss Stone, and it sounds great.
All four judges say yes, and Tasha is off to Hollywood.
And in the teaser we saw this contestant that I thought was a chick... and then he talked. Jason Greene needs to visit the ProActiv booth at the mall. And he's singing... "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls. I comment that he misses a line in the song, and from under the blanket The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I don't think it matters... make it stop."
I've got this song on cassette single. I know every line to this song, but I can't remember Philippians 3:10. I need a Jesus moment. I think I caught the clap from just watching that audition. I need the H1N1 shot. Jason Greene needs to be shot.
Finally, here's a guy who grew up in foster care. He's been in 2,944 different families. In a single year. He lost seven parents in a span of a week due to meth and self rising flour.
Chris Golightly has had a hard life. Cindy Jo is blubbering incessently. "Stand By Me" is his song of choice, and I think the teaser built it up more than they should have... I think he's good. Not brilliant. He kind of looks like Justin Guarini, and Kara the Hotness and KatyHudson Perry disagree... but both give them a yes. As does Simon and Randy.
There were 22 people that made it through tonight... but we saw like, four good ones? That's all we can see? Seriously?
For tonight, only two stood out to me... Tasha Layton... Andrew Garcia
THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL
Avril Lavigne, who hasn't been relevant since 2006, is tonight's guest judge... and first up? Neil Goldstein, who's ego is almost as big as his hair. Hey Neal, "Facts of Life" called, Blair Warner wants her hair back.
Neil goes on about wanting to sing to express love and help people and so on... The Lovely Steph Leann mumbles, "Oh, Lord..."
When he comes in and talks to the judges, suddenly this weird tick thing starts. "Rock & Roll Dreams Comes True" is his song of choice. The first line is "Remember everything that I told you..." and then he blanks. Simon says, "How ironic..."
If you are singing, and you take your index finger and tap your throat as you sing, and that's how Neil sounds. He is not going through, and he refuses to leave, saying, "There is no reality except for what we make for ourselves!" then goes on to argue with Kara the Hotness, Randy and Simon, while Avril starts laughing... and I'm getting the sense that he's putting on a little bit.
The Lovely Steph Leann observes, "His hair is... really far off of his forehead..."
And here comes a heartwarming story from a guy named Jim Ranger, who is a worship pastor, and has about 83 kids. Do all worship pastors have this many kids? Doesn't Kris Dekker, from Valleydale Chrch (an sbc fellowship) have like, 9? Or is that Amanda Cranston? Anyway...
He's got much cooler hair than the aforementioned Neil, and he's singing a song he wrote called, "Drive." Simon likes the voice, Avril just rambles about something before saying no, Kara the Hotness says yes and Randy says yes. So Avril? She's kind of annoying. And giggly. Which is a bad combination.
So the next montage is those who didn't make it... including a guy who makes The Lovely Steph Leann yelp, one guy who makes me laugh with his "Kung Fu Fighting" and another guy who looks like Danny Zucko, but doesn't sing as well.
Here comes a guy who excels in martial arts (The Lovely Steph Leann: "Oh, baby... this is going to be bad... oh no oh no... please don't his that high note here...").
Damien Lefavor starts to
Scary Girl shows up, and suddenly Avril just loves her. Mary Powers is singing, "Love is a Battlefield" and... well, she's really not bad. She's actually pretty good... Mary is dressed like your typical rock star, dark, dyed hair, eyeliner, punk outfit... she gets four yes votes, and she heads to Hollywood. And Mary's daughter comes in to meet her hero Simon, and she's speechless...
And of course, we get our share of The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert wannabes... and one guy recorded a demo for said Gay American Idol Runner Up, and apparently Gay American Idol Runner Up liked it--so sez AJ Mendoza.
You figure he might do well... but "Cult of Personality" by Living Colour, known for being one of the world's first rock bands with a black dude in it... the song is fantastic. The audition is terrible. Terrible.
I'm so afraid that Lorelei Addison will be raised in a good Christian Cabana, attending Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) and she'll end up like Katy Perry... using her God given talents to hook up with a bad British comedian, wearing booby-flashing outfits and singing songs about joining the First Lesbiterian Church.
Here's Austin Fullmer. His shirt looks like it was bodypainted onto his chest... not only is he trying to do Cheap Trick, he's trying to do the accents. British accents, like Mick Jaggar... I don't think Cheap Trick is even British. I liked Cheap Trick, though, because that guy in their band had that guitar that had like, four necks on it... that was just cool. When I was in 7th grade, I'd watch their videos on MTV just to see that guitar.
And Austin doesn't make it, and blames Simon.
Here's another failure montage... and a girl crying because she didn't make it. A guy crying it because he didn't make it. Another girl crying. And another. And another. And a wailing chick. And there's Sanjaya's crying girl who didn't make it in the auditions this year. The Lovely Steph Leann picked it up.
Heartwarming backstory of Andrew Garcia, who has tried to not join a gang and tried to live a straight life. Dad starts crying. Cindy Jo is openly weeping right now.
He's pretty good, though, in his audition He's got that Michael Buble kind of voice, even though he looks like a Mexican landscaper with glasses. Simon says, "The only person today that I genuinely believe is a good, good singer." Kara the Hotness liked it alot, Randy the Dawg tells him he gotz mad vokulz, and Katy
Tasha Layton? She's this chick who is a personal assistant by day and by night a.... minister?... really? I want to be a fly on the wall when Tasha and Jim Ranger discuss theology. She sings "Baby Baby Baby" by Joss Stone, and it sounds great.
All four judges say yes, and Tasha is off to Hollywood.
And in the teaser we saw this contestant that I thought was a chick... and then he talked. Jason Greene needs to visit the ProActiv booth at the mall. And he's singing... "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls. I comment that he misses a line in the song, and from under the blanket The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I don't think it matters... make it stop."
I've got this song on cassette single. I know every line to this song, but I can't remember Philippians 3:10. I need a Jesus moment. I think I caught the clap from just watching that audition. I need the H1N1 shot. Jason Greene needs to be shot.
Finally, here's a guy who grew up in foster care. He's been in 2,944 different families. In a single year. He lost seven parents in a span of a week due to meth and self rising flour.
Chris Golightly has had a hard life. Cindy Jo is blubbering incessently. "Stand By Me" is his song of choice, and I think the teaser built it up more than they should have... I think he's good. Not brilliant. He kind of looks like Justin Guarini, and Kara the Hotness and Katy
There were 22 people that made it through tonight... but we saw like, four good ones? That's all we can see? Seriously?
For tonight, only two stood out to me... Tasha Layton... Andrew Garcia
American Chi-Dol
There are a select group of women on this Earth, and this group includes Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johanssen, Samson High School's Jennifer Lambert and Troy State grad and Alpha Gam Mandy Stewart, a group of beautiful women, a group of chicks that guys look at and just swoon. This group is what I call the Jolie Group... women that I'm sure I should find extremely attractive and/or I should be totally attracted to, but for whatever reason, just aren't. Now, I can't speak for Jolie or ScarJo, but I knew Jennifer Lambert to be extremely nice and yeah, she was quite pretty, and Mandy the Gam was gorgeous... but I never had a thing for 'em. Most guys I know did. Why do I even say all this? Alrighty, Shania and Pickles aside...
THIS IS
AMERICAN
IDOL
Coming from Chicago, the opening shows several people walking out, using all sorts of fun words like "fudge" and "bassbowl" and "meaniehead" and "dorkyface" and such to describe the show and its judges.
The obligatory shout out to He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected, something about how since he's the first African American President and he's from Chicago. Whatever. Hey, voters, how's that hope & change workin' out for you?
Gotta admit, she's getting better looking as she gets older... plus, I never said her music wasn't good. Her songs are tchotsky, chinzy and cheesy... "Man, I Feel Like a Woman" and "Who's Bed Have Your Boots Been Under" and "(Don't Be Stupid) You Know I Love You" are all cheesypoof songs... but they are addicting. Man, I feel like a woman! Okay... I was singing there online, don't take it literal, okay? Okay? Okay.
Let's move on to Frizzy Haired Katelyn Epperly with a backstory. Her parents are dealing with a divorce, and she's got it rough... she's singing "Syrup and Honey" by Duffy, an artist that I felt like should have been bigger based on the amount of acclaim and love she got from critics over the last few years... but wasn't.
Frizzy Haired Katelyn Epperly did well, and she gets four yes votes.
Big Chick Amy Lang is a Broadway Girl, and she seems a little too perky to be successful on this show. By that I mean, she's annoying. She tells Ryan she had a dream about him, and said it ended "Good!" Ryan seems a little freaked.
And she's doing Aretha's "Dr. Feelgood". She does this mock "pass out", leaving the judges shocked, and then leaps up and starts into murdering Aretha. Then she does this "boob thing". I don't even want to go into this... Simon says no. Shania the Jolie Girl says no. Randy the Dawg says no. Kara the Hotness says no. And somehow, I feel violated.
Here comes 16 year old Charity Vance, who lives in a house that also has a salon in it. Her mom says, "We've been watching American Idol since she was 8 years old", which makes me feel really old, because I've been watching American Idol since I was 26. She starts out with "Summertime", and though I'm not huge on the song, her voice is great!
Simon really liked it, as did the other judges... and four yes votes sends her to Hollywood Week! She goes on my "ones to watch" list.
Our first montage of terrible auditions comes up, with everything from accordian playing butch chicks to terrible costumes to screaming to a high pitched Hawaiian guy. And outside, people are crying, discussing how much of a joke this show is, how the judges don't know talent and how we'll see all of them soon enough.
Mama: Simon, how could you say such things to my daughter?
Simon: You didn't like what I said?
Mama: Oh, hayl to tha' no!
Here's a backstory of a girl who auditioned in Season 7 and Season 8, having her father die in 7, and then having a traffic violation/court date in Season 8. Wouldn't know anything about that.
Angela Martin is doing "Just Fine" by Mary J. Blige, and at 28, this is her final shot. You'll see this girl in the Semi-Finals. Simon says, "you're really talented, you need a break, and your just good." Kara the Hotness says she likes how Angela listens to the criticism and follows it. Shania the Diva and Randy the Dawg agree.
Several others end up going to Hollywood as well, a total of 7 get the golden ticket.
In Day Two, a montage of people that have no shot of being the next American Idol screaming "I'm going to be the next American Idol". Curley Newbern is singing something by Maxwell in such a high voice that there are dogs outside The Cabana that just keeled over, passed out. I have no idea what the lyrics even were... imagine singing the line "fraahahhy hayd ajj ayd ahhay llao ahhda haaaaa".... yet, at a high pitched volume. That would be Curley.
Alannah Halbert is torturing Whitney Houston's version of "I Will Always Love You". The judges even try to give her the key to sing, and nothing happens, except Alannah keeps going, causing great pain and agony. And she's not sure why they said no.
More contestants go in and come out without a golden ticket.
Here's Brian Krause, a 27 year old guy who was in the military--he used to sing for the troops. This is going to be bad. Really bad. He starts out singing Tiny Tim, again, butchering "Tiptoe Through the Tulips", his eyes rolling up in this head, his teeth bared, and everything was all wrong. Everyone says no...
He's going to go relax his thoughts in a bubble bath--his words, not mine.
Harold Davis, from Chicago, shows up, sunshades, white fedora, he's gonna hold that perfect note, fight for the glory of being on the Idol... he's gonna shoot off like a rocket. He also holds a note for at least 20 seconds. "Nice and Slow" by Usher is the song he chooses to smack around. He's also got a hip move thing going, staring at Kara the Hotness and Shania the Twain. Harold says, "I just got some allergies, its my allergies and..." they cut him off and tell him no. He hangs his head and starts crying.
Really? Harold? Seriously, be a man. You're standing in front of Hot Kara and Shania Twain who every guy in the world, except me, thinks is one of the most beautiful chicks around... and you cry? You need to turn in you Straight Card, poncho.
Chantelle Gransomethingorother tryies a Shania song... and its terrible. "That Don't Impress Me Much" is played as they show contestants singing her music.
John Park, an Asian fella, comes in, saying that he wants music to express who he is inside. No matter how he expresses himself, he sounds great. Shania says that John Park has a great body and a nice lips, and a nice tone. Uh...
...and a nice voice. She giggles like a little girl. Kara, Randy and Simon all say yes as well.
Oh, don't feel too bad for Shania... she hooked up with Frederic. That's Frederic Thiebaud. As in, was married to Marie-Anne before she cheated on him. I'm going to spot you a buck and let you bet on who got the better end of this deal... Shania or Mutt.
Anyway... Paige Dechausse is coming up... and the words "...they said she had a 30 percent chance of surviving..." come into play. She's 21, and she's got great, great hair. Just sayin'.
As a kid she's had asthma, and almost died when she was 15 after an attack while singing. The doctors said she might have brain damage... but here she is! Cindy Jo is openly weeping right now. "A Change is Gonna Come" by Sam Cooke is her song of choice... and whether the judges do or not, I really like her. Simon says no. Kara and Shania say yes. Its up to Randy the Dawg, and the chicks are begging him to say yes... and... and... and... and... Randy says yes.
The Black Chris Sligh, also known as Justin Ray (listed as unemployed) and Bryan Adams imitator Bryan Semple and Marcus Jones doin' Edwin McCain all come up to try out... Bryan Adams 2 makes it. Marcus makes it. The Black Chris Sligh makes it too.
Thirteen made it this time, from Chi-Town... here's who I'm going to watch for... Paige Dechausse, Angela Martin and Charity Vance
A.I. in the A-T-L
FYI... when I do an Idol recap, I usually do it as I'm watching it... which means my first impressions are truly my first impressions... then I go back and add links, pics and videos. Just know that reading this is just like my reactions as it happens! Facebook users.. go to Clouds in My Coffee to get some real love and some pants on the ground!
Its been cold as cold can be... but guess what's making Atlanta hot? The American Idol Auditions!
THIS IS
AMERICAN IDOL!!
I have no idea where American Idol held auditions this year, but I do know that it might be likely that winners of the American Idol Experience down at Hollywood Studios would come to this particular one... here's how it works--they have three people perform on their stage during each show, all throughout the day. The audience votes, and the winner comes back that evening to the day's finale. The winner of THAT show gets a special golden ticket, which sends them to the front of any American Idol audition line, anytime, anywhere in the country. I've heard that you get "Star" treatment as well, with special food, nicer waiting rooms and so on.
I've also heard that they've had a slight problem getting good talent to perform as well... on a recent Inside the Magic podcast, someone said that the quality of winners for some days is much lower than you'd think it would be--based on who tries out.
Either way, being this is a Fox show, I'm not sure they'll do much promotion on an Disney/ABC attraction--although its good PR, I guess.
Tonight's guest host? Mary J. Blige, one of those legendary R&B soul artists that might be legendary only because she's been around so long. I don't own any Mary J cds. I dont know anyone who does own any Mary J CDs. Out of all my friends on FB, (anywhere from 909 to 912, depending on the day), I don't know anyone who calls themselves a huge Mary J. fan. I will say, though, in 1992, she came with this song called "Real Love", off of her "What's the 411?" album, that was just awesome. I can sing it front to back, though I still make up some of the words.
This is not to disparage Mary J in any way... I think she's awesome. I just don't know who else does.
First up, Dewone Robinson, telling us all about how he would sing as a kid. He gets on the elevator, going up to the 27th floor of the audition building. He's going to sing one of his own songs... one he calls "Lady We're Not Together Anymore". He tries to harmonize on his own, and do every voice in a Boyz II Men group, singing the line "...its over, its over, its over..." Its kinda foretelling. I like that Mary J just puts her head on the table.
We see another guy who just didn't make it, and with his high pitched voice ended up killing three birds and a boom mic operator in the process.
Big smiles from Keia Johnson with the frizzy afro--I can dig the frizzy afro. And she belts out some Celine Dion, loud and proud, and gets all the notes right. Mary J is almost speechless. Randy liked the phrasing. Kara the Hotness calls her geniune. Simon liked her, but called it more Broadwayey than anything else. However, Princess Keia gets the nod to Hollywood! And the 3,882 people waiting for her at the bottom of the elevator ride celebrate with her.
Miriam Lemnouni (we have our first "The Climb" reference... but I liked her anyway), Noel Reese and Tisha Holland all wow the judges (and I dug on Tisha's bluesy style)... all three head to Hollywood.
Jermaine Sellers is 26, and is a church singer. He's wanted this his whole entire life... and he takes care of his mother, who has Spina bifida. He'll be singing "One of Us" by Joan Osborne... and you can tell he has that church influence behind him... rock on. I keep waiting for the touching story that turns into a terrible audition... but not this one. Kara the Hotness loved it, Randy the Dawg says best all day, Mary the J loved it, Simon the Brit loved it. Jermaine is headed west.
And in the background... we hear "I Gotta Feeling" from the Black Eyed Peas. Thought I'd hear it much earlier than this...
Every few audition shows, we have one of those over the top chicks who is borderline annoying... and can easily go over the line. Christy Marie Agronow is doing "Love is a Battlefied" by Pat Benatar... personally, I don't think its that... I was going to say bad, but she his one of those ending lines, and I take it back. Singing is her life, music is her passion. The judges don't like it all, Mary J is smiling, and they send her on her way. And she cries. And her big, friendly personality turns into an ugly, "I will never watch this show again" personality.
Here's your montage of people who don't make it... lots of disappointed faces, shots of the elevator door closing with people smiling, and later those same people crying as the door opens.
Straight from Baltimore, Tennessee, here's a girl who likes jumping off of bridges into the water... no, I'm not kidding at all. No, seriously... I'm not kidding. She and her family are jumping off of bridges. She plays her guitar, she's wearing a dress she bought for $4 at the dollar store, she hangs out with her mom on her mom's porch on her mom's trailer. She's like Pickles, but not nearly as cute.
She's very toothy too. She's going to be singing some Old Crow Medicine Show... Vanessa Wolfe. I was totally expecting one of those "great, tender story, terrible audition" but she was... unexpectedly, she was really good... I like how she sings "flowers" as "flerrs" and "hours" as "hurrs". Simon says, "you are incredibly unprepared, but when you are good, you are good..." Randy the Dawg says yes. Kara the Hotness says yes. Mary J says yes. Simon says yes. However, this chick (who just said, "I get to ride in an aero-plane?") is going to be fascinating to watch in Hollywood.
Though Paula is not here, I'll speak for her. "Bubbles, butterflies, daisies, snowflakes, punkin' pie".
Day one is over! Day two is up!
Jesse Hamilton from... Anniston. Yep, Anniston, Alabama. He's almost died three times... one as a baby, one in a bullet accident, and one by almost being run over. They show this in what they call a "cheap dramatization". There's a difference in "tender backstory" and "openly mocking"... American Idol is doing the latter... and I love it. Is that bad?
He sings... well, no... he attempts... well... he is about to try to attempt a Garth Brooks song. "The River"... Mary J is laughing so hard, she buries her face into Kara the Hotness's shoulders. Mary J and Kara turn around to compose themselves. He can't remember the first line of "The River" (which is " you know a dream is like a river, ever changing as it flows") so Randy suggests "If Tomorrow Never Comes", which lets Jesse launch into a terrible, warbly, scratchy tune slightly resembling "If Tomorrow Never Comes", only similiar in the fact that Jesse's version and the original song have the lines "If Tomorrow Never Comes" in them.
During the next montage of rejects, is it bad that I chuckled at the poor girl crying into her phone, "They took my dreams away..."? Cause that was kinda funny on so many levels.
Bo Bice is in a Moe's commercial. The Lovely Steph Leann and I were discussing this last night... if you take out Kelly Clarkson & Justin Whathisname, is there a bigger disparity between a winner and second place in American Idol? Bo was unlucky enough to there with Carrie Underwood... not saying Bo Bice hasn't done well for himself, but really... a local Moe's commercial? While Carrie's third album just went platinum? Again? Just sayin'.
If Pickles was an idiot (go with me here, okay?) she'd be the next chick, who is dressed up like a guitar. Simon rolls his eyes. Mary J is already laughing, and I think if we could hear what she was thinking, it would go along the lines of, "you crazy white people..."
"You Ain't Woman Enough to Take My Man" by Loretta Lynn is Holly Harden's audition song. She's not bad, really... I kinda thought this would be a train wreck. Kara kinda likes her and her voice. Mary J says, "I don't get it". (re: you crazy white people). Kara says yes, while Mary J says no, flat out. Simon says yes. The whole episode, we haven't seen anything from Mary J until now.
More terrible auditions. More wincing from Mary J, Simon, Randy and Kara. Here's a dude singing "Reflection", making me wish The Lovely Steph Leann was here. And here's a guy singing "Oops, I Did It Again".
Randomly, I found the video to "Real Love", which I'd never seen until just a few minutes ago. "oooooooh... when I met you I just knew that you would take my heart and run..."
Mallorie Haley is from South Dakota, and hey... she's got the looks, she's got the voice, and she's got the name, "Mallorie". That's a name I don't hear enough of. Mallorie Dollar. Hmm? Not sure. Mary J calls Mallorie's performance "Dope". Randy is wondering why Mary J took his verbage. She heads to Hollywood.
Skii Bo Ski. That's what he calls himself. Skii Bo Ski. "When I gets in that judge room, they gonna be blown away." He's singing "Heard It Through the Gravevine", and he's dressed like a discount pimp. Once again, I am expecting a train wreck... and again, its not bad. Kara and Mary J are both impressed... Mary J says, "Image wise, if you can match your voice, then you will be alright".
Skii Bo Ski says, "I'm like the dollar store... even with the dollar store, you can have everything you want in that one package, and it only costs you a dollar." In other words, he makes absolutely no sense. I'm not sure I understood a single phrase this guy uttered the entire time he was there, other than "I heard it through the grapevine..." Either way, much to Simon's dismay, he heads to Hollywood.
Carmen Turner, 19, and Lauren Sanders, 18, are besties. They've been friends since they were in the 3rd grade, and the question arises--what happens if only one makes it? They say, "That's not going to happen". We know from the teaser commercial that one doesn't make it. They are equally annoying...
Lauren goes first... I like how the subtitle says, "Lauren Sanders, Baxley, GA, Age 18, College Student/BFF". Her voice sucks. Terrible. And here comes Carmen... who is the complete opposite of Lauren, ie, good. Lauren barely whispers, Carmen throws down. I'm also dazzled by the 8 inches of blue eyeshadow on each chick.
Randy and Kara says yes to Carmen, no to Lauren. Mary J says the same. Simon would have said no to both. Carmen is through, Lauren is not. Naturally, Carmen is crying, Lauren is smiling. Simon says, "If its any consulation, you'll be back together soon enough." Kinda reminds me of The Widower Danny Gokey and his buddy last year who got split up before the finals. Cindy Jo is openly weeping right now.
While its on commercial break, its a good time for me to mention what I'm looking forward to the most about the new season... Ford Commercials! Yeah. Or not.
And we're back in Atlanta, on the 2nd day of auditions, and its time for more terrible voices, this montage under the guise of "Southern Belles", one of which makes Mary J shriek--when asked if her friends tell her she's a good singer, she says, "Not really, but I won't let them discourage me." After this, Simon passes off his mic, declares "migraine" and bugs out.
And here comes a Tennessee police officer, about to bust out "Superstar", in Ruben's style. Officer Bryan Walker starts, and whaddya know, its pretty good. Heck, its really good... what a great song... "...don't you remember you told me you loved me baby, don't you remember you said you'd be coming back this way again maybe, baby baby baby oh baby, I love you, I really do..." Even if it is about a stalker.
Kara the Hotness digs on Officer Walker, so does Mary J and Randy, and off to Hollywood he goes.
Up next is a big Mary J fan, someone who not only thinks Mary J is an Idol, but also has slits cuts in his eyebrows. Lamar Royal starts, and this is the best way I can write it out, by singing, "OOhh yeaH, thE MORe I coMPaRe yoU to a KisS FROM A roSe ON the Grave..." Each time you see a capital letter as you sing that song, shout that part of the word. Before he goes up the elevator, Lamar says he will respect whatever the judges say... so of course, when Kara the Hotness, Mary J and Randy Big Dawg say no, he not only argues, he curses, he keeps singing and he even gets told by Mary J.
And while doing the "la la la's" of "My Cherie Amour", he gets taken out by security. All the way down the elevator, he not only decides that Kara the Hotness is a nobody, but he also declares that Mary J can't sing a... thing. All the way out, followed by security, he continues his rant, throwing in a few more "la la la's" from Stevie.
Every now and again, someone comes on Idol that, despite not having a Barnett Having a Nice Meal Out chance (that means none) of winning, they still command attention. William Hung, anyone? There was the Chinese guy who barely spoke English that came out in the ridiculous costume, singing a song about togetherness and getting along... and now, there's this guy, General Larry Platt, singing a song called "Pants on the Ground", for people who need to pull their pants up.
Currently, I'm joining Kara, Randy and Mary J in laughing hysterically... this guy is cracking me up! Its so ridiculously stupid and annoying and funny all at the same time... Simon tries not to be amused, but he can't help it. At 62, General Larry is slightly over the 28 year old age limit.
Pants on the Ground, Pants on the Ground, lookin' like a foo wid yo' pants on the ground...
From Atlanta, there were 25 to make it to Hollywood... next week, its on the way to Chicago, with guest judge Shania Twain... but for tonight, here's who stood out (besides General Larry)... Mallorie Haley... Vanessa Wolfe... and Jermaine Sellers
Its been cold as cold can be... but guess what's making Atlanta hot? The American Idol Auditions!
THIS IS
AMERICAN IDOL!!
I have no idea where American Idol held auditions this year, but I do know that it might be likely that winners of the American Idol Experience down at Hollywood Studios would come to this particular one... here's how it works--they have three people perform on their stage during each show, all throughout the day. The audience votes, and the winner comes back that evening to the day's finale. The winner of THAT show gets a special golden ticket, which sends them to the front of any American Idol audition line, anytime, anywhere in the country. I've heard that you get "Star" treatment as well, with special food, nicer waiting rooms and so on.
I've also heard that they've had a slight problem getting good talent to perform as well... on a recent Inside the Magic podcast, someone said that the quality of winners for some days is much lower than you'd think it would be--based on who tries out.
Either way, being this is a Fox show, I'm not sure they'll do much promotion on an Disney/ABC attraction--although its good PR, I guess.
This is not to disparage Mary J in any way... I think she's awesome. I just don't know who else does.
First up, Dewone Robinson, telling us all about how he would sing as a kid. He gets on the elevator, going up to the 27th floor of the audition building. He's going to sing one of his own songs... one he calls "Lady We're Not Together Anymore". He tries to harmonize on his own, and do every voice in a Boyz II Men group, singing the line "...its over, its over, its over..." Its kinda foretelling. I like that Mary J just puts her head on the table.
We see another guy who just didn't make it, and with his high pitched voice ended up killing three birds and a boom mic operator in the process.
Big smiles from Keia Johnson with the frizzy afro--I can dig the frizzy afro. And she belts out some Celine Dion, loud and proud, and gets all the notes right. Mary J is almost speechless. Randy liked the phrasing. Kara the Hotness calls her geniune. Simon liked her, but called it more Broadwayey than anything else. However, Princess Keia gets the nod to Hollywood! And the 3,882 people waiting for her at the bottom of the elevator ride celebrate with her.
Miriam Lemnouni (we have our first "The Climb" reference... but I liked her anyway), Noel Reese and Tisha Holland all wow the judges (and I dug on Tisha's bluesy style)... all three head to Hollywood.
Jermaine Sellers is 26, and is a church singer. He's wanted this his whole entire life... and he takes care of his mother, who has Spina bifida. He'll be singing "One of Us" by Joan Osborne... and you can tell he has that church influence behind him... rock on. I keep waiting for the touching story that turns into a terrible audition... but not this one. Kara the Hotness loved it, Randy the Dawg says best all day, Mary the J loved it, Simon the Brit loved it. Jermaine is headed west.
And in the background... we hear "I Gotta Feeling" from the Black Eyed Peas. Thought I'd hear it much earlier than this...
Every few audition shows, we have one of those over the top chicks who is borderline annoying... and can easily go over the line. Christy Marie Agronow is doing "Love is a Battlefied" by Pat Benatar... personally, I don't think its that... I was going to say bad, but she his one of those ending lines, and I take it back. Singing is her life, music is her passion. The judges don't like it all, Mary J is smiling, and they send her on her way. And she cries. And her big, friendly personality turns into an ugly, "I will never watch this show again" personality.
Here's your montage of people who don't make it... lots of disappointed faces, shots of the elevator door closing with people smiling, and later those same people crying as the door opens.
Straight from Baltimore, Tennessee, here's a girl who likes jumping off of bridges into the water... no, I'm not kidding at all. No, seriously... I'm not kidding. She and her family are jumping off of bridges. She plays her guitar, she's wearing a dress she bought for $4 at the dollar store, she hangs out with her mom on her mom's porch on her mom's trailer. She's like Pickles, but not nearly as cute.
She's very toothy too. She's going to be singing some Old Crow Medicine Show... Vanessa Wolfe. I was totally expecting one of those "great, tender story, terrible audition" but she was... unexpectedly, she was really good... I like how she sings "flowers" as "flerrs" and "hours" as "hurrs". Simon says, "you are incredibly unprepared, but when you are good, you are good..." Randy the Dawg says yes. Kara the Hotness says yes. Mary J says yes. Simon says yes. However, this chick (who just said, "I get to ride in an aero-plane?") is going to be fascinating to watch in Hollywood.
Though Paula is not here, I'll speak for her. "Bubbles, butterflies, daisies, snowflakes, punkin' pie".
Day one is over! Day two is up!
Jesse Hamilton from... Anniston. Yep, Anniston, Alabama. He's almost died three times... one as a baby, one in a bullet accident, and one by almost being run over. They show this in what they call a "cheap dramatization". There's a difference in "tender backstory" and "openly mocking"... American Idol is doing the latter... and I love it. Is that bad?
He sings... well, no... he attempts... well... he is about to try to attempt a Garth Brooks song. "The River"... Mary J is laughing so hard, she buries her face into Kara the Hotness's shoulders. Mary J and Kara turn around to compose themselves. He can't remember the first line of "The River" (which is " you know a dream is like a river, ever changing as it flows") so Randy suggests "If Tomorrow Never Comes", which lets Jesse launch into a terrible, warbly, scratchy tune slightly resembling "If Tomorrow Never Comes", only similiar in the fact that Jesse's version and the original song have the lines "If Tomorrow Never Comes" in them.
During the next montage of rejects, is it bad that I chuckled at the poor girl crying into her phone, "They took my dreams away..."? Cause that was kinda funny on so many levels.
Bo Bice is in a Moe's commercial. The Lovely Steph Leann and I were discussing this last night... if you take out Kelly Clarkson & Justin Whathisname, is there a bigger disparity between a winner and second place in American Idol? Bo was unlucky enough to there with Carrie Underwood... not saying Bo Bice hasn't done well for himself, but really... a local Moe's commercial? While Carrie's third album just went platinum? Again? Just sayin'.
If Pickles was an idiot (go with me here, okay?) she'd be the next chick, who is dressed up like a guitar. Simon rolls his eyes. Mary J is already laughing, and I think if we could hear what she was thinking, it would go along the lines of, "you crazy white people..."
"You Ain't Woman Enough to Take My Man" by Loretta Lynn is Holly Harden's audition song. She's not bad, really... I kinda thought this would be a train wreck. Kara kinda likes her and her voice. Mary J says, "I don't get it". (re: you crazy white people). Kara says yes, while Mary J says no, flat out. Simon says yes. The whole episode, we haven't seen anything from Mary J until now.
More terrible auditions. More wincing from Mary J, Simon, Randy and Kara. Here's a dude singing "Reflection", making me wish The Lovely Steph Leann was here. And here's a guy singing "Oops, I Did It Again".
Randomly, I found the video to "Real Love", which I'd never seen until just a few minutes ago. "oooooooh... when I met you I just knew that you would take my heart and run..."
Mallorie Haley is from South Dakota, and hey... she's got the looks, she's got the voice, and she's got the name, "Mallorie". That's a name I don't hear enough of. Mallorie Dollar. Hmm? Not sure. Mary J calls Mallorie's performance "Dope". Randy is wondering why Mary J took his verbage. She heads to Hollywood.
Skii Bo Ski. That's what he calls himself. Skii Bo Ski. "When I gets in that judge room, they gonna be blown away." He's singing "Heard It Through the Gravevine", and he's dressed like a discount pimp. Once again, I am expecting a train wreck... and again, its not bad. Kara and Mary J are both impressed... Mary J says, "Image wise, if you can match your voice, then you will be alright".
Skii Bo Ski says, "I'm like the dollar store... even with the dollar store, you can have everything you want in that one package, and it only costs you a dollar." In other words, he makes absolutely no sense. I'm not sure I understood a single phrase this guy uttered the entire time he was there, other than "I heard it through the grapevine..." Either way, much to Simon's dismay, he heads to Hollywood.
Carmen Turner, 19, and Lauren Sanders, 18, are besties. They've been friends since they were in the 3rd grade, and the question arises--what happens if only one makes it? They say, "That's not going to happen". We know from the teaser commercial that one doesn't make it. They are equally annoying...
Lauren goes first... I like how the subtitle says, "Lauren Sanders, Baxley, GA, Age 18, College Student/BFF". Her voice sucks. Terrible. And here comes Carmen... who is the complete opposite of Lauren, ie, good. Lauren barely whispers, Carmen throws down. I'm also dazzled by the 8 inches of blue eyeshadow on each chick.
Randy and Kara says yes to Carmen, no to Lauren. Mary J says the same. Simon would have said no to both. Carmen is through, Lauren is not. Naturally, Carmen is crying, Lauren is smiling. Simon says, "If its any consulation, you'll be back together soon enough." Kinda reminds me of The Widower Danny Gokey and his buddy last year who got split up before the finals. Cindy Jo is openly weeping right now.
While its on commercial break, its a good time for me to mention what I'm looking forward to the most about the new season... Ford Commercials! Yeah. Or not.
And we're back in Atlanta, on the 2nd day of auditions, and its time for more terrible voices, this montage under the guise of "Southern Belles", one of which makes Mary J shriek--when asked if her friends tell her she's a good singer, she says, "Not really, but I won't let them discourage me." After this, Simon passes off his mic, declares "migraine" and bugs out.
And here comes a Tennessee police officer, about to bust out "Superstar", in Ruben's style. Officer Bryan Walker starts, and whaddya know, its pretty good. Heck, its really good... what a great song... "...don't you remember you told me you loved me baby, don't you remember you said you'd be coming back this way again maybe, baby baby baby oh baby, I love you, I really do..." Even if it is about a stalker.
Kara the Hotness digs on Officer Walker, so does Mary J and Randy, and off to Hollywood he goes.
Up next is a big Mary J fan, someone who not only thinks Mary J is an Idol, but also has slits cuts in his eyebrows. Lamar Royal starts, and this is the best way I can write it out, by singing, "OOhh yeaH, thE MORe I coMPaRe yoU to a KisS FROM A roSe ON the Grave..." Each time you see a capital letter as you sing that song, shout that part of the word. Before he goes up the elevator, Lamar says he will respect whatever the judges say... so of course, when Kara the Hotness, Mary J and Randy Big Dawg say no, he not only argues, he curses, he keeps singing and he even gets told by Mary J.
And while doing the "la la la's" of "My Cherie Amour", he gets taken out by security. All the way down the elevator, he not only decides that Kara the Hotness is a nobody, but he also declares that Mary J can't sing a... thing. All the way out, followed by security, he continues his rant, throwing in a few more "la la la's" from Stevie.
Every now and again, someone comes on Idol that, despite not having a Barnett Having a Nice Meal Out chance (that means none) of winning, they still command attention. William Hung, anyone? There was the Chinese guy who barely spoke English that came out in the ridiculous costume, singing a song about togetherness and getting along... and now, there's this guy, General Larry Platt, singing a song called "Pants on the Ground", for people who need to pull their pants up.
Currently, I'm joining Kara, Randy and Mary J in laughing hysterically... this guy is cracking me up! Its so ridiculously stupid and annoying and funny all at the same time... Simon tries not to be amused, but he can't help it. At 62, General Larry is slightly over the 28 year old age limit.
Pants on the Ground, Pants on the Ground, lookin' like a foo wid yo' pants on the ground...
From Atlanta, there were 25 to make it to Hollywood... next week, its on the way to Chicago, with guest judge Shania Twain... but for tonight, here's who stood out (besides General Larry)... Mallorie Haley... Vanessa Wolfe... and Jermaine Sellers
Idol 2010 Begins!
They all start somewhere. You started here... well, you started somewhere, and ended up here. Or, you stopped by here on your way to somewhere else... either way, here you are.
Paula the Blitherer is gone. Simon the Crank is leaving after this year. New judge, America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres, starts in a few weeks. And, here's the beginning of yet another four dozen posts, descriptions, awesome singing, Kara the Hotness, Randy the Dawg, the infamous blanket that The Lovely Steph Leann pulls over her face... are you ready? I said... arrrreeee yooooouuuu rrreeeeaaaddddyyy!??!!?!?!?!
THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL!!!!
Here we are in Boston, MA, with the familiar music playing, the montage of former winners that now include The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol Kris Allen. Its a rainy day with the crowd of 9,000, and they are all screaming and yelling on cue, with Augustina's "Boston" playing in the background.
Kara the Hotness, Simon the Crank and Randy the Dawg appear, and our first guest judge, Victoria Beckham, aka Posh Spice. That would be Posh Spice of the Spice Girls. Has any other group ever done so much with so little? They had... well, I can name three songs, "Wannabe", "2 Become 1" and my favorite of the three, "Say You'll Be There". But think about it... Posh, Baby, Scary, Sporty and Ginger Spice made a movie, a clothing line, countless bajillions of dollars on tour, possibly singing just those three songs... has anyone else made such a bigger splash with so little substance? (anyone who said Obama gets a cookie. Oh!) And you wouldn't believe how hard it was to find a "family friendly" pic of Posh that didn't show off her... well, her God given form.
Here comes someone who thinks she can sing because she has excelled at the Wii version of American Idol. And sometimes girls--guys too, but its worse when girls do it--wear their jeans a little too tight, then their shirts that come up a little farther then they should... giving us... a muffin top. Eww.
Janet McNamera busts out some "Pocket Full of Sunshine", which with those jeans doesn't look like she should be putting anything in those pockets. That was absolutely terrible. According to Janet, the Wii game loves her. Then Janet points to Kara the Hotness and says, "Paula always loved me!". Posh says, "Absolutely not." Go Posh, no apologies! Janet leaves, swears, swears some more, bounces over the top of her jeans and swears again.
10am in Massachusetts, the storm clouds have passed, and 16 year old Maddy, 9th of 12 kids (!), is featured in a little segment highlighting her brother with Downs. Then the family adopts another child with Downs. And another. And another. This is one of those, "I hope this kid makes it through because I will feel really bad if she doesn't make it!" She attempts "Hallelujah". And she's getting it done. Randy the Dawg liked it, Kara the Hotness liked it, Posh the Spice liked it, Simon the Cowell liked it. Looks like we got a Hollywooder! Yay! I liked her! Simon says, "Amazing, you are 16 but not annoying..." Right now, Cindy Jo, fresh off the Kris Allen/The Widower Danny Gokey Bandwagon, is crying.
Posh Spice looks like she needs to eat a couple of sandwiches.
They do a scan of the Holding Room, where everyone sits to get in, and let's meet Pat Ford, this annoying kid who likes saying "Holla!" over and over. He busts out some... broadway? He's dancing like he's got "Squirrels In My Pants", and sounds like a complete idiot. Of course, he thinks he did awesome, of course he's been singing and dancing his whole life and of course, he calls out Simon. Randy the Dawg says, "Stop singing forever." I second that emotion.
We see a montage of those who made it through, including Claire singing some Mr. Big, Jennifer singing some Wicked and Jess singing "A train is coming..." ANYONE who sings Mr. Big is great in my book. "I'm the one who wants to be with you... deep inside I hope you feel it too..." Come on, sing it with me!
A segment on an Italian guy who's name I didn't catch... something DiRocco? They play the Italian dance music, show lots of pasta and lots of Italian people around the table. Amadeo DiRicco. He's taking on Muddy Water's "Hoochie Coochie Man", which is a lot of yelling and such. It was pretty intense, and truthfully, if he makes it Hollywood and tries out some Owl City, he's going to fail miserably. Simon calls it his favorite audition of the day. So, he makes it. As he runs out, Seacrest is engulfed in the mob (pun totally intended) of New England Italianos.
I love the fact they just started "Return to Innocense" by Enigma to show this next guy, who has obviously never met a ProActive tube of cream. He says he's an earthly, spiritual person, and they show him sniffing flowers and blowing petals. "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Words", by Derek Hilton. Somewhere, Elton John just smacked his boyfriend across the face in anger. I wish The Lovely Steph Leann were here, she would have that blanket over her face and it would be precious. I declare this the first Blanket Over Face of the new Idol season!
And the montage of those who failed. Lots of tears, lots of pain, lots of disappointment, while the real "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Words" plays in the background.
Actually, describing this chick seems to be the hardest words. Some chick who does anime, likes designing kimonos, does some sort of chi kickboxing (chiboxing?) and looks like a total flake. Mere Doyle starts screaming, "Piece of My Heart", while Simon and Randy cringe, and Kara and Posh stare at each other. Then she busts out the standard, "My voice coaches all tell me I'm great, singing is my life and its who I am!" We get tears... and how she's spent 14 years training for this.
Ah, Luke Sheffer and Benjamin Bright doing it old school... smooth voices, a little snap here and there... good stuff.
Its almost the end of day one, and we get local musician Andrew Fenlon, who is complaining about how long he's had to wait, and how much he's been interviewed (not saying they did this, but if I'm the Idol producers, I'm making this kid wait as long as possible? Why? Good, good tv. This guy is an idiot.)
Andrew Fenlon, smarts off to Simon (bad move), smarts off again to Simon (bad move again), then says he's going to sing "House of the Rising Sun", then asks Simon, "Do you know that song?" And if he's a local musician in Boston, I'm going to remember to skip his show. Randy sips on his Coke glass, with a grimace. Kara asks him if he's angry, and he says he's just tired of waiting. Kara the Hotness goes off on Andrew, who gets all defensive, rude and sulky. "You've got bad energy," Simon says, and he says, "Aw man." Then Posh says, "You don't have the goods to back it up." I like her... she ain't playing.
Needless to say, he didn't make it. "Simon and Randy liked me, but the girls got mad. I don't know what I did."
Holy crud... its almost 1am! I have to be at Starbucks at 5:30, so I'll be back in a few hours...
...okay, just got home. 8am, I'm sleepy, but let's finish some Idol before taking our nap! (setting up, getting DVR ready, watching a "coming up" teaser about a guy with cancer and a dead grandmother...)
Just saw an ad for "The Lovely Bones" movie adaptation. I'm in the middle of the book, or audiobook anyway, and I'm diggin' it, but haven't had time to finish it... same goes for the two other books I'm trying to finish... one I'm less than 120 pages from finishing, and the other I'm a good 300 pages from finishing. I'll get there, I guess. Perhaps with The Happiest Place in the Mall becoming The Emptiest Place in the Mall, I'll have more time.
Back to Idol.
We see a quick shot of several prospects, discussing their training and their experience... including one guy who just stuck a knife in Seal's "Kiss From a Rose", and another guy who is wailing something that is indecipherable. But, here comes Ashley Rodriguez.
Ashley really wants this. This is her dream, since she was little. "Since I Ain't Got You" is her song, and though she's not just slaying it, she's doing it quite nicely. She does look good, and I like her. Simon says, "You may have It". That's pretty good.
Tyler Grady pops up, with shattered wrists because he fell out of a tree. He's also a drummer, though that might be on hold when your arms don't work so well. He's got this bushy afro thing going on, and it looks like he is wearing bell bottoms. He's singing "Let's Get It On". See, this is where I miss Paula, because she would be saying everything she could to say "Come to my room" without actually saying "Come to my room." I miss the bubbles and fluffy and clouds and flowers. Anyway, Kara the Hotness and Posh the Spice love it, and Randy the Dawg and Simon the Cowell agree. He's off to Hollywood.
17 make it the first day, let's move on to Day 2. Randy and Simon arrive, as do Kara and Victoria Beckham, aka, Posh Spice, aka, Eat a Chocolate Bar. I swear I've had servings of pretzels bigger than her. Its just not attractive.
Lisa Olivero is 24, she's a waitress and she wants to be a singer. She's got a heavy accent, and she says she likes to sing Mariah Carey and Christina Aguliera. She's got confidence, because she's singing "Vision of Love"... which, of course, is pre-skank Mariah. Don't get me started on that...
Anyway, watching Posh's face while Lisa belts these notes out... let's just say this. Anytime they spotlight someone who goes on and on about wanting to be a singer, THEN talks about how people tell her that she sounds like Mariah and X-Tina, and she believes it... you know this is going to be bad. And it was absolutely awful.
And there's more... here's a montage of failed attempts. And ridiculous outfits. And terrible conversations. And crazy accents.
Here comes Mike Davis, who drives a big touring speedboat named "Codzilla". This guy should annoy the crap out of me... but I kinda like him. "Yesterday" is his song of choice... while he's not great, he's really not bad. Actually, he's pretty good. Simon says yes... but Randy says no? Kara the Hotness loves him, and I'm guessing Posh the Spice will do the same... and she does.
Katie Stevens, 16, hails from Middlebury, Connecticut, who has a very old, very slow grandmother who only can speak Portuguese. She's nailing "At Last" by Etta James... and I think I've found a real candidate for My Next American Idol. Yes, its early, but its not too early to pay attention. She was awesome. She gets through.
Oh no... Joshua Blaylock is up. He's 28, this is his last shot, and he's doing a decent job on "Bless the Broken Road"... but in the previews, this is the guy who tells Simon to "Shut Up". Now we find out its staged... they told him to be more assertive, and Randy says, "Tell Simon to shut up!" which he does. Oh, that Fox. Teasing us so with the conflicting verbage. And the tease us again with the cancer story and a New York girl who, "Wants this so badly, this is my dream!"
And a montage of poor people who freeze up and forget their words, and those who you wish had frozen up and forgotten their words. There's an Asian kid trying to sing "All By Myself" that, were The Lovely Steph Leann here, she might pass out from laughing. Maybe even throw the blanket. The Asian kid had to have subtitles when he talked to Ryan the Seacrest.
Justin Williams was doing missions in Spain 7 years ago, and found out he had cancer. Once again, Cindy Jo is weeping openly. "Feelin' Good" is how he's singing. I happen to love the original by Nina Simone, who doesn't get nearly the love that Billie Holliday and some of the classics do. Nina rocks.
And so does Justin. Paula would be laid face first right now at his feet... its possible that The Lovely Steph Leann would too if she were there. Posh likes him, Kara likes him, Randy and Simon likes him. Its like the second coming of Ace Young without the Ace Young hair.
Holy crap. This guy. Reminds me of Whatshername Odermayer from last year... two years ago? Simba, remember? Except Whatshername Odermayer with a gotee and better/worse hair. And unfortunately, I was so caught up by this dude's appearance that I missed his name altogether, which means I had to rewind the DVR to catch his name... Norberto Guerrero. Fitting.
And what's great is when he screws up the song, he hops around, then tells them he's nervous and says, "Can I start over?" and Simon says, "uh... sure." Norberto didn't make it.
Bosa Mora, a black dude with Nigerian parents is singing... George Strait. I'm not kidding. "You Looks So Good In Love" is classic Strait... and dude! He's pulling it off! I think George would be happy with it. Simon finds him very boring, while Posh says, "I didn't find him boring a'tall". Kara, Posh and Randy send Bosa through with a 3-1 margin.
And the end of Boston's auditions is near. Touching stories, amazing talent, bad auditions, terrible costumes.. just like your typical Idol show.
Leah Laurenti is the final contestant of the Boston audition. She wants it so bad, she doesn't want to settle. Her goal is to be a singer. She's been singing her whole life. Its very important to her. She's original, I tell ya that.
Now, she's singing "Blue Skies", and I think this is one of those that The Lovely Steph Leann would gush about, saying how hard those runs are, and how her voice control is unbelievable... and I would respond, "Yeah, she's okay." Maybe its the song, but she's just... well, she's just pretty good. Randy loved it. Kara loved it. Posh Spice loved it. Simon gives it a fourth yes-vote, and "Boston" by Augustena plays once more.
A total of 31 make it to Hollywood... and here are the ones I liked... Katie Stevens, That 16 Year Old Maddy chick, Ashley Rodriguez and Luke Sheffer.
Paula the Blitherer is gone. Simon the Crank is leaving after this year. New judge, America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres, starts in a few weeks. And, here's the beginning of yet another four dozen posts, descriptions, awesome singing, Kara the Hotness, Randy the Dawg, the infamous blanket that The Lovely Steph Leann pulls over her face... are you ready? I said... arrrreeee yooooouuuu rrreeeeaaaddddyyy!??!!?!?!?!
THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL!!!!
Here we are in Boston, MA, with the familiar music playing, the montage of former winners that now include The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol Kris Allen. Its a rainy day with the crowd of 9,000, and they are all screaming and yelling on cue, with Augustina's "Boston" playing in the background.
Here comes someone who thinks she can sing because she has excelled at the Wii version of American Idol. And sometimes girls--guys too, but its worse when girls do it--wear their jeans a little too tight, then their shirts that come up a little farther then they should... giving us... a muffin top. Eww.
Janet McNamera busts out some "Pocket Full of Sunshine", which with those jeans doesn't look like she should be putting anything in those pockets. That was absolutely terrible. According to Janet, the Wii game loves her. Then Janet points to Kara the Hotness and says, "Paula always loved me!". Posh says, "Absolutely not." Go Posh, no apologies! Janet leaves, swears, swears some more, bounces over the top of her jeans and swears again.
10am in Massachusetts, the storm clouds have passed, and 16 year old Maddy, 9th of 12 kids (!), is featured in a little segment highlighting her brother with Downs. Then the family adopts another child with Downs. And another. And another. This is one of those, "I hope this kid makes it through because I will feel really bad if she doesn't make it!" She attempts "Hallelujah". And she's getting it done. Randy the Dawg liked it, Kara the Hotness liked it, Posh the Spice liked it, Simon the Cowell liked it. Looks like we got a Hollywooder! Yay! I liked her! Simon says, "Amazing, you are 16 but not annoying..." Right now, Cindy Jo, fresh off the Kris Allen/The Widower Danny Gokey Bandwagon, is crying.
Posh Spice looks like she needs to eat a couple of sandwiches.
They do a scan of the Holding Room, where everyone sits to get in, and let's meet Pat Ford, this annoying kid who likes saying "Holla!" over and over. He busts out some... broadway? He's dancing like he's got "Squirrels In My Pants", and sounds like a complete idiot. Of course, he thinks he did awesome, of course he's been singing and dancing his whole life and of course, he calls out Simon. Randy the Dawg says, "Stop singing forever." I second that emotion.
We see a montage of those who made it through, including Claire singing some Mr. Big, Jennifer singing some Wicked and Jess singing "A train is coming..." ANYONE who sings Mr. Big is great in my book. "I'm the one who wants to be with you... deep inside I hope you feel it too..." Come on, sing it with me!
A segment on an Italian guy who's name I didn't catch... something DiRocco? They play the Italian dance music, show lots of pasta and lots of Italian people around the table. Amadeo DiRicco. He's taking on Muddy Water's "Hoochie Coochie Man", which is a lot of yelling and such. It was pretty intense, and truthfully, if he makes it Hollywood and tries out some Owl City, he's going to fail miserably. Simon calls it his favorite audition of the day. So, he makes it. As he runs out, Seacrest is engulfed in the mob (pun totally intended) of New England Italianos.
I love the fact they just started "Return to Innocense" by Enigma to show this next guy, who has obviously never met a ProActive tube of cream. He says he's an earthly, spiritual person, and they show him sniffing flowers and blowing petals. "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Words", by Derek Hilton. Somewhere, Elton John just smacked his boyfriend across the face in anger. I wish The Lovely Steph Leann were here, she would have that blanket over her face and it would be precious. I declare this the first Blanket Over Face of the new Idol season!
And the montage of those who failed. Lots of tears, lots of pain, lots of disappointment, while the real "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Words" plays in the background.
Actually, describing this chick seems to be the hardest words. Some chick who does anime, likes designing kimonos, does some sort of chi kickboxing (chiboxing?) and looks like a total flake. Mere Doyle starts screaming, "Piece of My Heart", while Simon and Randy cringe, and Kara and Posh stare at each other. Then she busts out the standard, "My voice coaches all tell me I'm great, singing is my life and its who I am!" We get tears... and how she's spent 14 years training for this.
Ah, Luke Sheffer and Benjamin Bright doing it old school... smooth voices, a little snap here and there... good stuff.
Its almost the end of day one, and we get local musician Andrew Fenlon, who is complaining about how long he's had to wait, and how much he's been interviewed (not saying they did this, but if I'm the Idol producers, I'm making this kid wait as long as possible? Why? Good, good tv. This guy is an idiot.)
Andrew Fenlon, smarts off to Simon (bad move), smarts off again to Simon (bad move again), then says he's going to sing "House of the Rising Sun", then asks Simon, "Do you know that song?" And if he's a local musician in Boston, I'm going to remember to skip his show. Randy sips on his Coke glass, with a grimace. Kara asks him if he's angry, and he says he's just tired of waiting. Kara the Hotness goes off on Andrew, who gets all defensive, rude and sulky. "You've got bad energy," Simon says, and he says, "Aw man." Then Posh says, "You don't have the goods to back it up." I like her... she ain't playing.
Needless to say, he didn't make it. "Simon and Randy liked me, but the girls got mad. I don't know what I did."
Holy crud... its almost 1am! I have to be at Starbucks at 5:30, so I'll be back in a few hours...
...okay, just got home. 8am, I'm sleepy, but let's finish some Idol before taking our nap! (setting up, getting DVR ready, watching a "coming up" teaser about a guy with cancer and a dead grandmother...)
Just saw an ad for "The Lovely Bones" movie adaptation. I'm in the middle of the book, or audiobook anyway, and I'm diggin' it, but haven't had time to finish it... same goes for the two other books I'm trying to finish... one I'm less than 120 pages from finishing, and the other I'm a good 300 pages from finishing. I'll get there, I guess. Perhaps with The Happiest Place in the Mall becoming The Emptiest Place in the Mall, I'll have more time.
Back to Idol.
We see a quick shot of several prospects, discussing their training and their experience... including one guy who just stuck a knife in Seal's "Kiss From a Rose", and another guy who is wailing something that is indecipherable. But, here comes Ashley Rodriguez.
Ashley really wants this. This is her dream, since she was little. "Since I Ain't Got You" is her song, and though she's not just slaying it, she's doing it quite nicely. She does look good, and I like her. Simon says, "You may have It". That's pretty good.
Tyler Grady pops up, with shattered wrists because he fell out of a tree. He's also a drummer, though that might be on hold when your arms don't work so well. He's got this bushy afro thing going on, and it looks like he is wearing bell bottoms. He's singing "Let's Get It On". See, this is where I miss Paula, because she would be saying everything she could to say "Come to my room" without actually saying "Come to my room." I miss the bubbles and fluffy and clouds and flowers. Anyway, Kara the Hotness and Posh the Spice love it, and Randy the Dawg and Simon the Cowell agree. He's off to Hollywood.
17 make it the first day, let's move on to Day 2. Randy and Simon arrive, as do Kara and Victoria Beckham, aka, Posh Spice, aka, Eat a Chocolate Bar. I swear I've had servings of pretzels bigger than her. Its just not attractive.
Anyway, watching Posh's face while Lisa belts these notes out... let's just say this. Anytime they spotlight someone who goes on and on about wanting to be a singer, THEN talks about how people tell her that she sounds like Mariah and X-Tina, and she believes it... you know this is going to be bad. And it was absolutely awful.
And there's more... here's a montage of failed attempts. And ridiculous outfits. And terrible conversations. And crazy accents.
Here comes Mike Davis, who drives a big touring speedboat named "Codzilla". This guy should annoy the crap out of me... but I kinda like him. "Yesterday" is his song of choice... while he's not great, he's really not bad. Actually, he's pretty good. Simon says yes... but Randy says no? Kara the Hotness loves him, and I'm guessing Posh the Spice will do the same... and she does.
Katie Stevens, 16, hails from Middlebury, Connecticut, who has a very old, very slow grandmother who only can speak Portuguese. She's nailing "At Last" by Etta James... and I think I've found a real candidate for My Next American Idol. Yes, its early, but its not too early to pay attention. She was awesome. She gets through.
Oh no... Joshua Blaylock is up. He's 28, this is his last shot, and he's doing a decent job on "Bless the Broken Road"... but in the previews, this is the guy who tells Simon to "Shut Up". Now we find out its staged... they told him to be more assertive, and Randy says, "Tell Simon to shut up!" which he does. Oh, that Fox. Teasing us so with the conflicting verbage. And the tease us again with the cancer story and a New York girl who, "Wants this so badly, this is my dream!"
And a montage of poor people who freeze up and forget their words, and those who you wish had frozen up and forgotten their words. There's an Asian kid trying to sing "All By Myself" that, were The Lovely Steph Leann here, she might pass out from laughing. Maybe even throw the blanket. The Asian kid had to have subtitles when he talked to Ryan the Seacrest.
Justin Williams was doing missions in Spain 7 years ago, and found out he had cancer. Once again, Cindy Jo is weeping openly. "Feelin' Good" is how he's singing. I happen to love the original by Nina Simone, who doesn't get nearly the love that Billie Holliday and some of the classics do. Nina rocks.
And so does Justin. Paula would be laid face first right now at his feet... its possible that The Lovely Steph Leann would too if she were there. Posh likes him, Kara likes him, Randy and Simon likes him. Its like the second coming of Ace Young without the Ace Young hair.
And what's great is when he screws up the song, he hops around, then tells them he's nervous and says, "Can I start over?" and Simon says, "uh... sure." Norberto didn't make it.
Bosa Mora, a black dude with Nigerian parents is singing... George Strait. I'm not kidding. "You Looks So Good In Love" is classic Strait... and dude! He's pulling it off! I think George would be happy with it. Simon finds him very boring, while Posh says, "I didn't find him boring a'tall". Kara, Posh and Randy send Bosa through with a 3-1 margin.
And the end of Boston's auditions is near. Touching stories, amazing talent, bad auditions, terrible costumes.. just like your typical Idol show.
Leah Laurenti is the final contestant of the Boston audition. She wants it so bad, she doesn't want to settle. Her goal is to be a singer. She's been singing her whole life. Its very important to her. She's original, I tell ya that.
Now, she's singing "Blue Skies", and I think this is one of those that The Lovely Steph Leann would gush about, saying how hard those runs are, and how her voice control is unbelievable... and I would respond, "Yeah, she's okay." Maybe its the song, but she's just... well, she's just pretty good. Randy loved it. Kara loved it. Posh Spice loved it. Simon gives it a fourth yes-vote, and "Boston" by Augustena plays once more.
A total of 31 make it to Hollywood... and here are the ones I liked... Katie Stevens, That 16 Year Old Maddy chick, Ashley Rodriguez and Luke Sheffer.