A Nine Year Old's Rap Sheet

The summer movie season continues eating away at our budget intently, as two movies came up on the docket this weekend... the first came as a result of our nephew Benjamin coming to visit.  The 9 year old and his family live in Jasper, but they spend time here in B'ham with the in-laws (mine, not theirs) frequently.

One of the activities including him playing hours and hours of LEGO Harry Potter on the Wii, and another was a movie... "Kung Fu Panda 2".  Originally subtitled "The Kaboom of Doom", I'm kinda glad they dropped that and just went with the "2" part.

Anyway, I liked the movie as much as the first one.  Its premise basically surrounds a panda named Po (voiced by Jack Black) who, in the first film, learned he was a "dragon warrior" and was taught Kung Fu, and joined up with other members of the Furious Five, including Tigress (Angelina Jolie) and Mantis (Seth Rogan) and others.  For whatever reason, Grandmaster Flash wasn't included in this.

The bad guy this time around is an evil peacock named Shen, deliciously vocalized by Gary Oldman, and you'll hear other familiar voices like Jean Claude Van Damme, Dennis Haysbert and Danny McBride. 

The animation is wonderful, the story is solid and flows well and its perfect for just about anyone of any age.  You kinda wonder if there is an attraction between Po and Tigress, but the real relationship moments are between Po and his adoptive father, Mr. Ping.  You can tell its adoption when you see Mr. Ping is a goose. 

Po wonders who he is, knowing that a goose cannot be his real dad, and begins to question his family... and in a touching moment, Mr. Ping is forced to watch his beloved son Po walk away to battle. 

As far as Po's real family, they kinda do that movie thing where one of the main issues in the second movie is an issue they don't even address in the first one... sorta like, when you realize Riggs wife is dead in the first Lethel Weapon, its only a minor plotpoint they use to establish the character, but when Lethel Weapon 2 rolls around, it becomes a major point in the story.

Same with Po's real family--only used to establish Po's character in KFP 1, but in KFP 2, it becomes a plot point.  Guess you can do that with sequels... 

And man that 9 year old kid loves him some Panda.  And Bakugon.  And Bey Blades.  After the movie, then dinner at Chick Fila, we dropped the quickly tiring The Lovely Steph Leann off at The Cabana, then Benjamin and I spent some time first at The LEGO Store, then Toys R Us.

I do love The LEGO Store.  Of course, every time I go there, I look over at ABC Toys, where The Happiest Place in the Mall used to be, and I throw up a little in my own mouth.  Like I did last night.  Ended up walking out with three LEGO guys he built himself, and a couple of Harry Potter keychains I bought for myself.

At Toys R Us, he spent about 30 minutes in front of the Bakugon and Bey Blade aisle, touching just about every toy and telling me which ones he had and which ones he needed.   I listened intently, though I can't say I learned anything.

Should be noted that for whatever reason, he likes rap music.  I dont think he fully understands the concept of "rap music", other than its style, so I was forced to fumble through my car for something that he could listen to.  Luckily, I had a copy of "The Greatest" by LL Cool J, and was able to pop in "Mama Said Knock You Out", which he rather enjoyed.  My other other CDs in the car at that moment included Norah Jones, Sara Bareilles, Sarah McLachlan, Darius Rucker and, of course, Dwight Yoakam's Greatest Hits--$5.99 at Wal-Mart, I considered it a steal. 

Songs that I did manage to find on radio that made the cut were the edited version of "California Love" by Tupac and Dr. Dre... "Rocket 2 U" by The Jets... "Head Over Heels" by Tears for Fears... "Big Time" by Peter Gabriel... and "The Come Back Song" by Darius Rucker.  "You Give Good Love" by Pre-crack Whitney also came on, but he informed me, "I don't like slow songs.  I like rocker songs.  And rap music."

We got about 34 seconds into "Dre Day", but I was able to flip the channel just as I heard the syllable "Muth..." and saved the day.  Sometimes SiriusXM will censor, sometimes not.  And since I listen to 90s on 9 a heckuva lot, I was bewildered that because I hear "Hip Hop Hooray", "Gangsta's Paradise" and "Baby Got Back" repeatedly, I just knew I would catch one of them for Benjamin's listening pleasure... but when I needed them to come on, I got nothing.  Thats how I knew my life was outta luck, foo.

He did ask me if I had ever heard an Eminem song... I told him I had.  He asked me if I liked any Eminem songs.  I told him not many, though there were a few that I kinda liked.  He asked me if Eminem was bad.  I told him that yes, Eminem songs are pretty bad.  He asked me how.  I told him there was a lot of language, and that Eminem really liked to use lots of F-words.  He asked me, "What's an F-word?"  I changed the subject.

I finally popped in a CD that I had gotten from The Happiest Place in the Mall, one that included Hilary Duff, Aly & AJ and some High School Musical stuff.  Figured that was safe as anything. 

The line of night came when "Hoedown Throwdown" by Miley Cyrus came on... sadly, and I'll admit this to you--I know just about every word to it (and to "G.N.O." that came on later... which I'm guessing that besides me, only Hurricane Rhett would even know that stood for "Girls Night Out", much less know it by heart)... anyway, the song came on and Benjamin said, "Really?  Is this Hannah Montana?"

I replied, "Its Miley Cyrus, yes."

Pause.

"So... why are two guys listening to Hannah Montana?"

Touche.

Summer of Blogging Day Thirteen

Hey Judges! Are We Watching the Same Idol?

The show opens with flashbacks to last week's results show.  Stefano Italiano's shocked face when Seacrusty says, "The Idol going home is... Peepee."  The camera scans to the judges with Randy shocked, and Uncle Steven Tyler yelling and J-Lo crying.

After the heartbreaking loss of one Peepee Tuscany last week, where does Idol go for now?  Was it a shocker?  Yes.  But if you stepped back and looked at it again, was it really a surprise?  Not really.  She wasn't going to win, and if she had've, she would have been more likely to be a Taylor Hicks/Kris Allen kind of Idol, rather than Carrie or Kelly. 

She was an adult contemporary style artist in the vein of Michael Buble, Celine Dion and the like.  When was the last time you heard Celine on the radio when it wasn't Delilah's show, or that style station on the radio or satellite radio?   Exactly.  So, Peepee is gone.

Now... its the final 8...

THIS IS

AMERICAN

IDOL

Haven't had a Pickles sighting all season!  You all
know I love me some Pickles!

Seacrusty reminds us that People Magazine has voted J-Lo "The Most Beautiful Chick in the Whole Wide World."  I mean, she's pretty and all, but the most beautiful?  As long as Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with) or even Pickles are still breathing, J-Lo can't have that title.  Lest we forget The Lovely Steph Leann!

Tonight is Movie Music Night, with Idols doing songs from movies... Whitney and Celine, you are on alert!

First up is Pauly Mac... and I'll be honest with you--I think Pauly Mac is wearing a little bit on me.  He's got a good, unique voice, but he might be a little eh at this point.  He won't win, so maybe he's overstayed his welcome.

And that suit.  Holy crap, that suit.  Porter Waggoner is looking down from above and saying, "Wow, that is a bad, sparkly suit..."  Pauly Mac is doing "Old Time Rock & Roll" by Bob Seger from "Risky Business", and to me, yeesh.  I don't think song was good at all.

The judges were all about it, but for me, I didn't like that all.  Seacrusty tells us that if we liked sax with Pauly Mac, then vote for him!

Seacrusty then tells us, "After the break, America's Darlin Lauren Alaina takes on Miley!"  I say, out loud, "Ugh" because I know what is coming.   "The Climb".  This song makes me hurt.  Not in a good way, not in a bringing-back-memories kind of song, more of a make-it-stop kind of way.

Will.I.Am and Jimmy Iovine tells America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina that, "you are a much, much better singer than Miley Cyrus", which is like saying, "You are more of a girl than Stefano Italiano.  You are."   They then tell her, "Steal Peepee's votes.  This is your chance!  Those votes are up for grabs!"

Granted, I'm not a fan of this song, from "Hannah Montana: The Movie", mostly because when I worked at The Happiest Place in the Mall in Spring of 2009, this song was on a loop, the whole song, and I heard it at least 2 times per hour, about 40 hours a week.  I've mentioned this before, but I just want you to understand my own climb... however comma this performance from America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina was pretty good.

J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg says this song sounded like it was written just for her.  Crazy, creepy Uncle Steven loved it. 

From the Buried Treasure (this movie will come up soon on The Deucecast, which you can subscribe to on iTunes!  Or download from our website!) pile, its "Boomerang"!  This little film from 1993 starred a then-funny Eddie Murphy, a then-relevant Martin Lawerence and a semi-funny David Alan Grier, as well as a young Halle Berry, a sort of likable Robin Givens and even Chris Rock! 

Stefano Italiano is doing Boyz II Men's classic "End of the Road", which was MASSIVE back in the day.  See, you think your radio is filled with nothing but GaGa and Katy Perry, well take it back to 1993, when Boyz II Men and a pre-skank Mariah Carey was doing nothing but dominating the airwaves.  "End of the Road" was HUUUUGE, like, every other song played on every station, was this song. 

Jimmy Iovine and Will.He.Is tells Stefano Italiano that he has to stop singing not to lose, and sing to win.  And if the show were called "Flailing To and Fro About the Stage Like a Bad Michael Stipe Idol", then Paula Mac would finally have some competition, but being a singing competition, not so much. 

Stefano Italiano does well.  But not great.  Randy the Dawg calls it the best vocals he's seen from Stefano, and gives him the "In it to win it!"  Uncle Steven Tyler gives the obligatory, "This isn't the end of the road for you!" and J-Lo loved it.

Are we watching the same show?

Deep Voiced Scotty is doing Nilsson's "Everybody's Talkin"?  He sounds fantastic!  This is going to rule.  Wait... he changes it?  Booo....

From the movie "Pure Country", one of the best awful films I've ever seen, he's instead doing "I Cross My Heart" from George Strait.  I agree with Annie Barrett from EW, I can barely tell Deep Voiced Scotty's songs apart by now, but they all work.  

As for this one, one of my favorite country tunes to date, its... well, not as good as his past peformances.  I feel like he could have done more.  Better.  Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven tells him that it was great.  J-Lo says, "everyone wants us to be tough, but you are all so good!"  So, J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg thought the song choice was great, and if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

The Saved Casey A is up next, and looks like he's singing "Nature Boy", an old standard from Nat King Cole, and it sounds good... wait, he's changing it?  Him too?   Jimmy Iovine and Will.He.B, and someone who looks like a wussy Allen Iverson, all tell him to switch it, so he's going to "In the Air Tonight" from Phil Collins.

Wait, he goes back to "Nature Boy", using the upright bass to perform it, mmh!  What song is this, heh?  Where is its from, hah?  Well, its from the 1948 oh-wa movie "The Boy With the Green Hair" ho-wah and then featured in the 1990 movie "The Crossing" (featuring a very young Russell Crowe!), and then 1993's ho-uh "Untamed Heart" and then 2001's "Angel Eyes" and "Moulin Rouge!" and uh ha so its been everywhere.  Whats the ho hah and uh for?  Just emulating his own style.

Okay, I didn't think The Saved Casey A sang it that well.  I could even tell a few notes off key, and being a little pitchy.  However, the style was really, really cool, so I kinda liked the whole thing.

J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg compares him to Norah Jones and Michael Bubbles and such.  And I'm not really sure what Uncle Steven Tyler just said, but I could be convinced that he just spoke in tongues.  He did compare The Saved Casey A to Sting just about now. 

And now, Haley Reinhart.  I don't even have a nickname for her, unless I called her The Provocatively Dressed Haley, or Haley with the Low Cut Top... Haley Hotness is too strong a term... maybe Haley Cuteness?  Haley Sort Of Niceness? 

Either way, Haley is singing "American Gigolo"'s song, "Call Me" from Blondie.  No low cut top this time, but her dress stops just past her waistline and unmentionables.  And she looks like she just made out with a stained glass window.  I'm surprised the light isn't reflecting colors all over the wall.

What I'm afraid of is that she has to have a big production to sing... maybe she can't rest on just her voice, she likes to move it move it all over the stage.  Randy the Dawg didn't like it.  Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler agrees, but loved the dress.  J-Lo loved it. 

Personally?  I loved every. single.  thing.  about. it.

Jimmy Iovine and Will.Am.Him call The Soulful Jacob Lusk out for his "If people don't vote for me, then they are afraid to look themselves in the mirror!" comment last week... which saw The Soulful Jacob Lusk ending up on a Silver Stool of Suck.

This week, from "The Pursuit of Happyness", he's singing "Bridge Over Troubled Waters".   This is by far and away my least favorite song by Simon & Garfunkel, like, way, way down below.  I can't stand this song, it bores me to tears and I avoid it when I can. 

And of course, he does just enough to get him to the "blow you away" note, and then he lands that sucker down perfectly.  The song's inadequices were by far made up for by the last note or two, both which went on for about 29 minutes each.  Not my favorite of the night, but good.

Uncle Steven loved the last note.  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg tells him its believable. 

The Straight Adam Lambert goes obscure, and picks out "Heavy Metal" from the movie of the same name in 1981, sung by Sammy Hagar.  Jimmy Iovine hates the decision, and even gets contentious with The Straight Adam Lambert... Will.Is.He.Be tries to keep the peace, saying, "I've had this same confrontation with Jimmy too, with my group."

The song finds The Straight Adam Lambert working his way from the stage to standing on the judges table, rocking out with dude that I am not sure wasn't in Saughter jamming on the guitar, and screeching.  Alot.  This song is a mess. 

J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg says, "you were just at The Straight Adam Lambert's concert!"  Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler says that it was outstanding.

Are we watching the same show?

Crazy enough, I think I liked Haley Cuteness' song the best.  Who knew?  I think that she and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina are safe, while I would say that The Soulful Jacob Lusk and Deep Voiced Scotty are on the cusp.  My predictions for The Bottom Three are Stefano Italiano, Pauly Mac and either The Saved Casey A or The Straight Adam Lambert.

Alrighty... just got in from an evening with Melanie and her family... the Zarzaur Kids were in a huge Broadway style play at their church, so I witnessed the spectacle, the majesty, the wonder of... well, it was pretty cute.  Special K, The Zack Attack and Jay Z all spent time on stage, singing in a chorus group, while myself, Melanie and Hubby Chris laughed and giggled at the kids obvious embarassment...

So, I just home, and The Lovely Steph Leann texted me not long after (she's in Pensacola tonight) with the words "did you watch Idol?!?"   I said, "About to. Did you?"  And she said, "The important part!"  Don't know if that means its a big shocker tonight, and she wanted to talk about it, or if she was just asking... either way...

THIS IS

AMERICAN IDOL RESULTS

Now, the Idol performances show takes me about 40 minutes to zip through an hour, maybe an hour to go through a 90 minute show... Results show?  In an hour show, I can usually get through it in about 15 minutes. 

America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina and Deep Voiced Scotty come out to sing a duet to "American Honey".  I'm sure The Lovely Steph Leann was giggling like a little school girl, as she loves her some Lady A.   I dig the duets and trios more than the big group number they usually do, as it gives me options to listen.

Okay, enough of this.  Fast forward.

Commercial break.  Fast forward.

The making of the Ford Music Video.  Fast forward

The actual Ford Music Video.  Fast forward

Listening to The Saved Casey A and Haley Reinhart sing an old standard.  She sounds better here (when it doesn't count) than any other time I've heard her.   Randy the Dawg agree, yelling, "That's whats up!  Where was alla'day?!"

Now its time for some results!  Deep Voiced Scotty and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina join The Saved Casey A and Haley Reinhart centerstage... Seacrusty reminds us there were 370 billion votes last night... Deep Voiced Scotty and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina head to the Couch of Comfort.  The Saved Casey A and Haley Reinhart are left... one will head to the Couch of Comfort, the other will be the first on the Silver Stools of Suck. 

And once again, Haley Reinhart lives dangerously, as she plants that booty on the Silver Stools of Suck. 

Commercial break.  Fast forward.

A video of Rob Reiner talking to the Idols about movie music.  Fast forward.

A performance from Jason Aldeen and Kelly Clarkson.  Fast forward.

Commercial break.  Fast forward

The Soulful Jacob Lusk, Stefano Italiano, The Straight Adam Lambert and Pauly Mac doing a quartet of my favorite Simon & Garfunkel song, "The Sounds of Silence".  Silence.  Exactly what I hear when I fast forward.

Time for more results!  Seacrusty zips through a typical recap of last night's performances from the guys.  He sends someone back to the Couch of Comfort--and that would be The Straight Adam Lambert.  This leaves three, and now, Stefano Italiano is in the bottom three, and joins his Silver Stools of Suck partner in crime, Haley Reinhart.  The Soulful Jacob Lusk and Pauly Mac are left, and after the nationwide vote, Pauly Mac finds himself in The Bottom Three.   Why I didn't predict Haley in the bottom three, I don't know. 

Commercial break.  Fast forward

Rhianna.  Fast forward.

Commercial break.  Fast forward.

And now, the final results.  Dim the lights!  Seacrusty reminds us that since the Top 13, only chicks have gone home... Haley is hoping to turn that around... and as it turns out, she follows the footsteps of... those returning to the Couch of Comfort.  She is safe.

After the nationwide vote... going home is... Pauly Mac goes home.  Stefano Italiano lives to sing and flail another ballad another day.  Okay, lets be real--Paul McDonald was not going to win American Idol, nor should he.  However, at least he was unique enough to be remembered, and he went late enough in the show that perhaps he might have more success than say, Ashthon Jones... although ProActiv is still in the cards.

The 100 Coolest Things of 2009... 50 to 41

First of all, thank you to everyone who has been visiting here either daily or at least every few days... I know for those of you who could care less about Idol--and let's face it, there hasn't been a lot to care about this season--its rather boring when all you see is idle Idol chatter when you come here looking for Happy Times stories, maybe a movie review, or even a mention or two of He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected's last week or so...  so, thank you.

Secondly... why aren't you a fan on Facebook, eh?  If you are reading this on Facebook, you need to go to Clouds to see any video that might be on the site, then search "Clouds in My Coffee" on Facebook and become a fan.  Its the right thing, nay, the cool thing to do. 

Third, we still aren't done with 2009 yet!  In case you missed it (and since I haven't done one of these in a month, you might have!), here's where we've been thusfar:

The 100th to 91st Coolest Things of 2009
The 90th to 81st Coolest Things of 2009
The 80th to 71st Coolest Things of 2009
The 70th to 61st Coolest Things of 2009
The 60th to 51st Coolest Things of 2009

And here we go with the next ten...

The 50th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Right Round" by Flo Rida
Yes, yes, I know the song is a few years old, and yes, I'd heard it before... but I'd never really taken to it until this year.  This year?  It's kinda catchy.  Silly, a little corny, somewhat stupid, partly annoying and all from a guy who's name is taken from a state with a space in between (I'm guessing "Ken Tucky" and "Oak LaHoma" were on the list.  What about Gior Juh?  Ha!  I got at least 46 more of these), but its use of the term "Benja-min Frank-ah-lins" alone makes me laugh.  Its a good work out song.  Not that I work out, but if I did...

The 49th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Mother Lover"
Well, this is a family show.  I keep it Rated PG, every now and again delving into a PG-13 territory, but for the most part, I keep it clean.  So, for this spot, I won't bother linking to it, I won't put up pictures, I won't do anything but give a nod to K-Dub and then say four words:

1) Mother
2) Lover
3) Timberlake
4) Hysterical

The 48th Coolest Thing of 2009... "The Rise and Fall of the WCW"

When I found out this video was coming out, I almost peed myself.  I was so friggin' excited, as I remember vividly the fabled "Monday Night Wars"--that being the battle between WWE on USA Network and World Championship Wrestling on Turner owned TBS.  I was a huge, huge WCW an, having watched it since 1986 or 87 as a kid, when it was called NWA (National Wrestling Alliance", a few years before WCW).

Anyway, I've always been fascinated by the downfall of the WCW in the late 90s, not just as a wrestling fan, but just from a business prospective.  You know how when someone gets straight zeroes in college (knew a guy) and you say, "Man, he had to work to fail that badly..."?  Well the guys running the WCW seriously had to work to fail this miserably.  This was chronicled in my pick for the 18th Coolest Thing of 2006, the book called "The Death of the WCW", and the DVD here is along the same lines.

Its a 3 Disc collection, with two discs devoted to classic WCW matches including stuff like Ric Flair vs. Magnum T.A. from 1985, the classic Flair vs Steamboat Chi-Town Rumble match from 1989, one of Sting's first matches, that being against Big Van Vader from 1992's Great American Bash, the unintentionally funny Bash at the Beach from 1998 with Diamond Dallas Page and Karl Malone against Hollywood Hogan and Dennis Rodman, a huge War Games match in 1996 with Sting, Lex Luger, Flair, Arn Anderson, Hollywood Hogan, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and nWo fake Sting.  Yeah, exactly.

Oh, and its got a match from 1998's Halloween Havoc between Diamond Dallas Page and one of my favorite wrestlers ever, Goldberg.  Goldberg absolutely ruled.  Page lost the match after getting hit with a spear AND a jackhammer. 


How 'bout that's Michael Buffer ("leeet's get reeeeeeady to ruuuuuuumbuuuuulllll") in the ring, and Tony Schivione on announcing duties.  Awesome.  By the way, I wanted to do that entrance at my wedding, the one where Goldberg comes out to pyro, and the smoke, and I yell, breath out the smoke, throw the punches and slap myself in the head.  The Lovely Steph Leann said no.  Party pooper.

But the real gem on this disc is the documentary that follows the origins of the WCW, from the beginning with Jim Crockett Promotions to the infamous "Black Saturday".  It took off when Hulk Hogan joined, turning heel (bad guy) for the first time in his career, and the fact that one of the chapters on the DVD menu is titled 'Mistakes Begin', followed by "Vince Russo" says it all.  If there is to be any criticism, it would be on the matches themselves... there should have been a little more surrounding each match, perhaps teh lead up to, and the aftermath, not just from bell-ring to pinfall.  And really, did we need to see a match between Lance Storm and Booker T?  To emphasize how badly things were going for the WCW, they took Booker T, a great wrestler and renamed him "GI Bro".  No kidding.

Great DVD. 

The 47th Coolest Thing of 2009... Lunch With...
It was a good year for reunions.  Lunch with Stan McDuffie in the spring of 2009 was great.  We graduated together, and hadn't seen the guy since the Samson High reunion of 2002.  We met at a BBQ joint in Homewood, and just shared life stories, our pain of what had then-recently happened in Samson and more.  It was awesome.

Not to long after that, I met up with Drew Roe, a fraternity brother of mine who also lives here in town.  That's the crazy thing about Birmingham... I share a city with so many people that I would love to see more of, but never do.  Anyway, we had some lunch, caught up, laughed, did some reminiscing, and had a good time.  Promised each other we'd do it again, and hopefully we will.

Met The Official Clouds In My Coffee High School Crush Julie Wise for dinner last April, and that was an absolute hoot.   Met up with Barrow, one of the coolest guys I've ever met, and the perfect name for one of my characters in the book I might eventually write.  Saw The Official Clouds In My Coffee Troy State Crush Tiffany Abbott at a Chick-fila.  Met with both Dayla Ellison and Rebecca Jourdan Samuelson (we'll get to her later) over lunch, two dear, dear friends that I was so excited to see again. 

This Spring's goal?  To have lunch or dinner with Chris McCall.  I'm planning on heading home for a day or two at the end of April, when The Happiest Place in the Mall is finally The Emptiest Place in the Mall, and I'm going to make it a point to find this guy. 

The 46th Coolest Thing of 2009... "The Princess & the Frog"
There's not much more I could add to what I felt about this movie when I wrote about it in December 2009, so here's some thoughts from that post...

Plot in a nutshell, its a Disney twist on the story of The Frog Prince, the story that has a girl kissing a frog who turns into a handsome prince. In this tale, however, Naveen, the handsome prince, has been turned into a frog by the voo-doo man, Dr. Facilier, and when he convinced our heroine Tiana to kiss him, she turns into a frog herself. Hijinx, hilarity and romance ensue as they, along with Ray the Cajun Firefly and Louis the jazz playing crocodile, try to find Mama Odie to help them turn back into humans again.



The animation is stunning. The film is beautifully drawn, and to its credit, its done so much so that there's no way this film could have been a computer animated feature--it would have lost most, if not all, of its charm. Tiana is a heroine who is working hard for her dreams to happen, not waiting around for someday, her prince will come, and that is to be admired. Much has been made about Tiana being the "first black princess", and yes, that's true, but this film definately takes liberties with history--she's best friends with a rich debutante named Charlotte, which alone is an impractical thought in the time period this film is set in. I didn't get caught up in that, though, and you shouldn't either.


One thing to be aware of when watching this film... you are witnessing the birth of a classic. This is a movie that, no matter how successful it will end up--and it will end up successful--that Campbell Isaiah and Lorelei Addison will watch, and their children will watch as well in 2040 on whatever home video format we're up to then. This is a movie that will be released in Blu-Ray and DVD in April of 2010, and will disappear into The Vault in June of 2011 or so, not to be available for 7 to 10 years.


This is the birth of a true Disney Princess, one that we'll be seeing with the likes of Cinderella, Belle, Ariel and Aurora for a long, long time. The last time we saw a true Disney Princess emerge? Mulan. The last time we saw a true Disney classic not-named-Pixar unfold before our eyes? Yep. "The Lion King". That was the last movie heralded and beloved enough to go into The Vault (well, "Fantasia 2000" also is in The Vault, coupled with "Fantasia", but that's kinda another story)... For me, and perhaps I'm the odd case, this is exciting. I'm thrilled that Disney has finally broken through the ceiling they put on themselves with "Dinosaur" and "Brother Bear".

The 45th Coolest Thing of 2009... JT Wins Survivor

Someone sent me a message last year and said, "Hey, so there's a guy from Samson on Survivor.  Do you know him?"  Up until then, the only notoriety Samson had recieved was the terrible massacre from... well, I'm not going to say his name, he doesn't deserve a mention.  So I did some checking up on Survivor, and what do you know, James Thomas was going to be on the show... James, the little brother of Tammy Thomas, who was a friend of mine in high school and who graduated with me, the same Tammy who scolded me for not snatching up this pretty girl named Stephanie, my friend, who I had brought with me to the 10 year reunion. 

And with the country accent, the sly look and the aww-shucks personality, what the heck--JT won the whole shebang.  Seriously.  Like, holy crap, the kid in whatever elementary school grade when I was a senior won a million bucks on Survivor.  I have his picture in my yearbooks! 

Anyway, it was a fantastic season of Survivor, and I'm excited that JT is on the equally as stellar current season, the Heroes vs Villians Survivor.  And if he wins, or comes close to winning, I'm already planning on going to Samson for the Survivor party this year. 

The 44th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Party in the USA"
Oh shut up. 

The 43th Coolest Thing of 2009... "The Blind Side"
Just like "The Proposal", this is a movie that the more I thought about it, the more I liked it.  I thought "The Blind Side" was great when I walked out of the theater, and somewhere down deep, I knew iI was going to like it more and more as time when on.

Here's what I said in December of 2009 when I reviewed it for the first time:

Its full of laughs and heartwarming moments, but its never preachy or manipulative. The movie's intent it never to make you feel like you have to cry, and it doesn't seem like its showing you the "Hallmark" moments just for the awwwww factor... its part of the story. In movies with this "helping each other out" theme, there's always an uncomfortable moment when the kids hate the new person, only to have this togetherness scene that brings them together--"The Blind Side" never has that. SJ and Collins are nothing but loving and supportive of Michael, and it even enhances Michael's rebuilding of his life.

The movie is excellent... its feel good, its warm, its funny, its everything a family movie should be, one that pokes at you to say "awwww" without demanding you tear up or feel sympathy and guilt. After the movie was over, I leaned over to The Lovely Steph Leann, and in my most politically incorrect tone said, "We should go to Ensley and adopt a black child." She frowned at me, then rolled her eyes and got up to leave. She's good at that.

The 42st Coolest Thing of 2009... Walt Disney World with Ty & The McLeods

Talk about a whirlwind trip... I had a few days on my own, as The Lovely Steph Leann was out of town.  I thought, hey, why not go to Disney World?  The Lovely Steph Leann wasn't too keen on my going all alone, so I recruited The Honorable Rev'rn Ty Sharpton and Tommy Mc and Amy McL to come with (that's us, there, after being soaked in the Backlot Tour)

We left midday, got there at something like 1am, checked in, slept for just a little while, spent the full day at Animal Kingdom, Hollywood Studios and Epcot, then the next day, walked around Downtown Disney before coming back.  Wow it was fast.  And tons of fun, because Disney is always better with friends.

The 41nd Coolest Thing of 2009... New Shoes
Shoes are those things that you use, but don't realize how good they can be until you find a pair that fits you exactly right.  Thus, this:

During our trip to The Most Magical Place on Earth in June, my feet were getting blistered. The Lovely Steph Leann chalked it up to my Lugz that, while comfortable, were just not made for the walking, standing, running and walking more that we were doing for 14 hours per day, four days in a row--the Skecher tennis shoes weren't doing any better. After watching her to go New Balance and spend over a $110 on a pair of shoes (which, all these years in marriage later is almost still unfathomable), I decided it was finally time to get myself a good pair of sneakers. We discussed it, and, still coming to grips about the fact that I might have to spend that much to fit my wide feet into some comfy shoes, I went to a local shop called The Trak Shak.


The guy there wasn't old... but he knew how to size a foot. I told him what I was looking for--a pair of tennis shoes that could be used for three things--running, walking and if needed, playing tennis, if I ever decided to get my chunky tail up and do something. I told him that my problem was my feet were wide, and it was hard to find a good pair of shoes that I liked. He listened, he asked me to walk around and he told me that he could tell from my walk that I tended to walk inward, probably due to lack of good footwear. Long story short (too late?) I came out with a pair of Nikes that fit... perfectly. What size? 9 1/2. I call them my Trailer Shoes. Why? Cause they are "Double wide".


The whole story can be found here.

Up next... A "Sweet Thing"... Going where no man, save for over a dozen movies and at least three TV shows, have gone before... and later, more Disney... and even more Disney...

Late Night Miley... The Full Idol Coverage

Me, just returning from The Happiest Place in the Mall:  So, The Lovely Steph Leann, how was Idol?
The Lovely Steph Leann:  Eh, it was alright
Me:  So no superstars yet?
The Lovely Steph Leann:  No, not really.

It's been quite a weekend... The Happiest Place in the Mall has been rockin' for weeks now, and this weekend was no different.  Starbucks kept me busy on Friday, and early on Monday and Tuesday (today).  And in all that work, in all that scurrying around, we won't discuss "The Bill".  Yet, anyway.

I've been wanting to blog about my recent trip to The Most Magical Place on Earth, and some of the fun little stories that taking, among others, two special needs children can give you.  But no time.  Of course, there's always Happy Times stories to relate... and still, no chance to share 'em.  And lest anyone forgets, I'm looking for a job in the next few months... so there's that.

And here we are, almost into April, and yet, I'm still 50 spots away from listing the Coolest Things of 2009.  No, I haven't forgotten.  And I"m just warming up for "The Summer of 35", and Clouds in My Coffee's 5th Anniversary.  And still, so little time.

So I've got to discuss all that, and at some point, I need to really spill the guts on this travesty of legislation, that being the Health Care Bill that He Who Must and Will Not Be Re-Elected signed into law earlier today.

My intentions were to come home tonight, say goodnight to The Lovely Steph Leann, who already watched Idol, then come downstairs and watch that same show, and do my little report on it.  That was at 11pm.  Well, here it is at 12:21 in the morning, and what am I watching?  The end of WWE: Raw, where Batista and John Cena have one final face off before WrestleManie XXVI this Sunday! 

Alrighty, Batista talked trash, Cena finally called him on it, they scuffled, "security" came out, Cena and Batista got a few blows in, then while Cena stood in the ring, Batista stormed off to the locker room.   So its 12:27am. 

Let's see how far we can get in thirty minutes, shall we?

THIS


IS AMERICAN IDOL

Tonight, they take on Billboard #1 songs... and guest "mentor" tonight, none other than Hannah Montana herself, Miley Cyrus.  Okay, let's get this admission out of the way first and foremost.   I like Miley Cyrus.  I used to not.  I used to think she was kind of annoying, and yeah, I kinda still do.  Her show is amusing at best, only in certain parts, and straight up, I'm more of a Emily Osment (Haley Joel's sister) fan--downloaded her EP off of iTunes, and its great.  Back to Miley.

The Hannah Montana movie was atrocious.  But the soundtrack?  Not so bad.  "Dream" and "Butterfly Fly Away" stand out on the soundtrack, as does "Hoedown Throwdown".  I also kinda dig on "G.N.O." and "Seven Things." 

You want to have a real theme night challenge?  How about the music of Billy Ray Cyrus?  One person gets "Achy Breaky Heart", and the rest get stuck with "Some Gave All", "Could've Been Me" and "Where'm I Gonna Live".  That would rule.

"Party in the USA"?  I'm addicted to that song.  I think that song is an absolute hoot, hitting every guilty pleasure nerve unlike anything since "Fergalicious".   Personally, and I don't say this because Miley is 17, I just don't think she's all that good looking.  Well, unless you count the "Party in the USA" video, something that conflicts me, because I kinda think that there, and only there, she's kinda hot, but at the same time I almost can't help but think ahead to Lorelei Addison's teenage years, and how if I ever saw her with shorts that short and a top cut that like that--or writhing around a stripper pole atop an ice cream truck (and hopefully, she'll be raised to never actually be in any situation involving a stripper pole AND an ice cream truck, even if it is on a kid's award show), I'd wring her neck--and I'd expect all of you to do the same. 

I will now go call Chris Hansen, admit my guilt, and then smash my face on the nearby halogen lamp.

LEE DEWYZE
Lee D is pulling out "The Letter" by the Box Tops, an old, old classic... "give me a ticket for an aero-plane...".  Its that song.  Miley says its a great song, and I'm guessing the first time she's ever heard this song was when Lee D practiced it for the first time.

As I'm listening to this song, I can't help but think that this song is not a doo-wop song, and not really a jazzy kind of number, but that's what Lee D is doing to it.  The Lovely Steph Leann told me earlier she enjoyed it.

Randy the Dawg loved it.  America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres... well, she kinda rambles a little like Paula.  Kara the New Hotness, a "of-age" Hotness thank you, raves about Lee D.  Simon the Cowell is like the other judges, surprised by the choice of the song.  He enjoyed the sound, but said the song wasn't a good choice.

Its almost 1am.. I'm exhausted... let's continue this tomorrow.  Who did you like, by the way?

Aaaaaaaaaaand we're back.  Its now Wednesday night, its almost 8p, we fired up the DVR and is now ready to watch....

PAIGE MILES
She's going to try to take on "Against All Odds" by Phil Collins, but I'm guessing she's shooting for the Mariah Carey version from a few years back.  Did you know that "Against All Odds" was nominated for an Oscar for the 1984 movie of the same name?  Its notable, not just because its a great song, but its a terrible movie (so sayeth The Lovely Steph Leann"), and also because the Academy didn't ask Phil Collins to perform the song at the show.  Therefore, he sat in the audience as someone else sang it, and gave a frowny face.  Wouldn't you?

Another great... and I use that term loosely... song from a bad movie is "I Just Called To Say I Love You" by Stevie Wonder, from the Gene Wilder film "Woman in Red", also starring a soon-to-be Kelly LeBrock.  Its notable because not only is it Rated PG, but as a PG movie, it features not a topless scene, but an actual bottomless scene.  Not good times if you are 9 watching HBO at 4 in the afternoon and this comes on.

I'm talking about these things to avoid discussing Paige Miles, because she was absolutely terrible.  TERR-IH-BULL.  So bad that America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres told her that she looked great, and then said, "And I'll let Kara the New Hotness and Simon the Cowell critique the music..."

The Lovely Steph Leann warned me this was terrible, and Hurricane Rhett earlier tonight told me to watch out for her.  They were right.

TIM "NOT NEARLY AS TALENTED AS KEITH" URBAN
Tim-may is being coached by Miley Cyrus, who tells him that he rocks. 

He's doing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Queen, another Idol standard.  They should do a theme night called "Songs That Ain't Never Been Done On American Idol", which would eliminate the entire Aretha, Whitney (pre-crack), Mariah (pre- and post-skank) and Kelly Clarkson catalogs.

This song has been done to death alot as well... but I gotta say, Tim-may isn't doing too badly.  I mean, I'm not downloading his song on iTunes tonight, but its survivable.  After Paige Miles, the bar is set pretty low.

Randy the Dawg called it boring.  Ellen DeG said it was an audition for "High School Musical 6" and corny.   Kara the New Hotness called it Zac Efron & "Hairsprayey".  Let me tell ya, that's not a bad thing, because Zac Efron is not only loaded, he gets lots of dates.  Simon the Cowell didn't like it either.   I dug it a little.  Not a lot, but a little.

LIL' AARON KELLY
The Kid has is crushin' on Miley... its kinda funny.  Of course, he is younger than Miley, which makes me feel really old.  And you know what else makes me old?  That most kids now know Billy Ray Cyrus as Miley's Dad, not Achy Breaky Billy Ray.  Go figure.

Seriously?  Is he doing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing"?  Sigh.  My stomach, which is already a little quakey from this weekend's almost-illness, just turned a little when he tried for that high note.  Sad to say, but I like Tim-may better.

Randy the Dawg said "Thank God you started singing tonight!".  Ellen DeG said the song choice was perfect.  Its to be known that Aaron Kelly is sick, with tonsilitis, and Kara the New Hotness just raves about how brave he is to sing with his sickness.  Simon the Cowell says the same.

They cut to Miley in the audience, who is sitting by... her mom?  Is that her mom?  Wow, that woman has some choppers.  Reminds me of when Ross got his teeth whitened, combined as when Matt Dillion had the teeth added to impress Mary. 

C'BOSOX
She's doing "Me & Bobby McGee" tonight.  Miley says she loves that song, and I'd be willing to be the only time she's ever heard that song is when Billy Ray plays it on an old record on a random Sunday afternoon at home.

C'Bosox stands, guitar in hand, and if I may interject my own opinion here, Janis Joplin is perfect for her.  Randy the Dawg yells about her being a star.  Ellen DeG shows lots of love.  Kara the New Hotness tells her to let go, and how awesome she is.  Simon the Cowell gushes, making fun of other people as he does. 

BIG MIKE
As the big man comes in, he gives Big Mike a big bear hug, and Miley just fell in love.  He's singing Percy Sledge's "When a Man Loves a Woman"... or maybe he's doing Michael Bolton's version?  We shall see. 

Channeling his inner Ruben Studdard, Big Mike comes out and pours velvet all over the microphone.  Its not a huge risk, really, but Big Mike is singing his kind of song.  Soul.  Smooth.  And I can dig it.

Randy the Dawg said it wasn't perfect, but he liked it lots.  Ellen DeG said it was a safe choice, but she loved it.  Kara the New Hotness said technically it was good, but kinda boring.  Simon the Cowell said the same thing. 

ANDREW "I'M GETTING TOO MUCH MILEAGE FROM A PAULA SONG" GARCIA
Here comes Andy Garcia, trying to work on "Heard It Through the Grapevine" by Marvin Gaye.  Miley is suggesting that he put the guitar down, and sing straight up.  No, not that "Straight Up", he already did that.  And that goose has just about laid its final egg.

He sings it, it sounds 'eh', and Randy, Ellen and Kara the New Hotness didn't like it, and Simon the Cowell actually says "Maybe we overrated that Paula version you did, in hindsight..."  Wow. 

KATIE STEVENS
So, one 17 year old mentors another, and the 17 year old in question, Miley Cyrus, is helping the other, Katie Stevens, with "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie.  Thats the song that says, "I'm gonna miss you like a child misses his blanket...", one of the silliest lines in musical history.

Katie asks Miley how she deals with the negativity out there, and Miley says, "Well first, make sure you don't pole dance on the Kids Choice Awards show, secondly, don't get naked for a 'tasteful' Vanity Fair shoot when you are like, 15, and third, make sure all risque photos of you don't end up on MySpace."  She didn't say that, but she could have.  Should have.

Fergie is at home with her hubby, and yes, after hearing this, big girls do cry.  Fergie is doing it now because of what Katie did to her song.   And yes, Cindy Jo is weeping.  Not that she's a big girl, I meant "big girl" as in "grown up" and... what I meant was... oh, never mind.

Randy the Dawg liked it, while Ellen DeG called her the "dakota fanning" of Americal Idol.  Really?  Kara the New Hotness tells her pop with R&B leanings is her home.  Simon the Cowell, the voice of reason, then speaks unreasonably.  

Seacrest is calling numbers faster, so it must be a time constraint.

CASEY JAMES

CJ has the line of the night, telling Miley, "I'm a big fan... of your dad's."  HA!  That was awesome.  CJ is doing "Power of Love", from Huey Lewis & the News, right outta "Back to the Future."  Great, great song.  Huey Lewis & the News were awesome back in the day... "Jacob's Ladder"... "Hip to Be Square"... "Stuck With You"... "Do You Believe In Love"... rock on, man, rock on.

And rockin' on is what CJ just did.  Awesome.  For me, I think this might be the best, for me, performance from CJ so far, I mean, for me.

Randy the Dawg liked it, Ellen DeG loved it, Kara the New Hotness loved it and Simon the Cowell hated it.  Somewhere, Cindy Jo is drooling. 

DIDI BENAMI
Miley talks to Didi, who is singing "You're No Good" by Linda Rodstant... Ronstant... Ronstadt?  Who cares.  Have'nt liked her in 20 years.  Seacrest just called Didi Banimi... which is a great name.  Go with it, Didi!

Personally, I thought she was great.  I can dig me some Didi. 

Randy the Dawg called it pitchy.  Ellen DeG didn't like the song choice.  Kara the New Hotness said it was over dramatic.  Simon the Cowell said "you singing 'you're no good' was ironic..."  Boo! 

So, what is the problem with the judges?  If the names don't include "Magnus" or "Bowersox", its almost as if they are pre-inclined to not like it. 

SIOBHAN MAGNUS
The Quirky One is singing "Superstitious" by Stevie.  Add him to the list of artists that the catalog has practically been wiped out, for better or for worse.

In the pimp spot, closing out the show, here comes Siobhan Magnus.  I will admit, however, I do like her... she's very likable, very fun, and very, very talented.  Whether I'd buy a CD from her, or download a song she's done remains to be seen. 

She does screech a lot, though.

Randy the Dawg says she's fearless.  Ellen DeG wants more.  Kara the New Hotness loves the expression by her.  Simon the Cowell says the audience might be split, and cautions her about the screeching. 

Here's where I rank 'em... CJ... Big Mike... Didi Benami... Siobhan Magnus... C'Bosox... Lee Dewyze... Tim-may Urban... Katie Stevens...Andy Garcia... Lil Aaron Kelly... Paige Miles 

And now to the results show...

The Top Eleven will get cut to The Top Ten, and this is a big deal, because the Top Eleven do not go on tour.  The Top Ten do.  The Top Eleven do not get paid for endorsement deals and touring and such.  The Top Ten do.  The Top Ten will make a heckuva lot more jack than the Top Eleven.

Seacrest reminds us of The Siobhan Bowersox Memorial Save card, which they may play to save and overturn any elimination as voted on by the American people.

And the group song tonight?  "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" by Wham! is what we get.  The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I thought they were giving up group songs.  Dang."

Fast forward through commercials

Fast forward through the Ford Music Video

Siobhan's followers are in the audience, dressed up with fake blood on their faces, and calls themselves "Siozombies". 

Because Miley is the only one performing tonight, Seacrest is killing time like crazy by talking to the Idols on the couch. 

The Silver Stools of Shame are presented, and now we are up the results.  Siobhan stands up.  She really is like the Chick Adam Lambert (repetitive statement?).  Well, after the vote, she is staying on the show, heading on tour.

Lee Dewyze and CJ stand together.  This usually is bad, though it also usually comes at the end of the row, after four other people are told to sit.  After the nationwide vote?   Not yet.

Tim Urban and Paige Miles stand up together now, before we find out what happened with Lee and CJ... I like this change up on revealing results.   Paige is in the bottom three.  Tim is also in the bottom three.  CJ and Lee are still standing. 

Fast forward through commercials

Next week?  Usher comes to Idol, during the R&B Soul Theme Week. 

Fast forward through Miley singing

Fast forward through Miley talking

Fast forward through Miley still talking

Fast forward through commercials

Seacrest pimping Idol's charity site

Back to the business at hand.  CJ and Lee are safe... apparently, after we went to an earlier commercial, they were told to sit.  Botch.  Epic fail.

Aaron Kelly stands.  The Lovely Steph Leann kinda likes him, I find him kind of annoying.  He's safe. 

Didi Benami stands up.  This is good, which means she probably will be staying.  Seacrest points out that some contestants take a risk and gets praise, and others take a risk and get killed, and Didi agrees, saying, "I don't know what the judges want..."   Seacrest tells her to sit.

Big Mike stands up.  Next to him is C'Bosox, and on the end is Katie Stevens and Andy Garcia.  My guess is that Katie and Andy will stand together, and Katie goes to the Silver Stools of Shame.  Big Mike is safe.  C'Bosox is safe.   And now, Katie and Andy Garcia stand together.  And to the Bottom Three goes Katie Stevens... ha!   The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Oh, he's safe and can go on the tour.  I'm glad we don't go to those concerts."

And going back to the Couch of Comfort is Katie Stevens... The Lovely Steph Leann deadpans, "Yay."

Fast forward through commercials

Did you know that Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato are dating?  They are here to sing a song from the Disney Green movement album, "Friends for Change."  This was called "Make a Wave."   Joe has cut his hair, Demi is wearing a chandelier on her finger.

Fast forward through Joe and Demi singing

Seacrest:  So, Joe, you were in Dallas, and you saw Tim Urban audition!  How do you think things are going?
Joe Jonas:  Well, I guess not so good

Fast forward through commercials

We're back.  Who's going home?  Paige Miles.  That was a foregone conclusion.  The audience is groaning, but probably not because she's been eliminated, or because she is about to sing.   Simon the Cowell just flat out tells her she is going home, even before she performs, as they won't be using the save at all. 

Hannah Montana: The Movie: The Blog

Alrighty... in an effort to be the one who sacrifices for his readers, who does what he doesn't expect the audience to have to go through, I'm going to do a "running movie diary" blog tonight. Its a movie that I didn't necessarily care about seeing, but at the same time, I was kind of curious. So, its a movie that I procured a copy of, and am about to watch. You ready?

I pop the disc in, and hear the familiar narrator say, "This DVD is equipped with Disney's Fast Play", which to me is a crock. I always end up someway, somehow diverting to the previews, and let me tell ya, on Disney's DVDs, they have a LOT of previews. Like any movie coming out in the next year, any movie in production, any movie that Jorge the Mexican Janitor is imagining that might become a panel idea in seven years--there's a preview for it. And its on the Disney DVDs.

We get to Fast Play, and to the main menu... and the opening castle sequence. And finally... "Hannah Montana: The Movie"...

0:01... The music kicks in, Robbie Ray (Billy Ray Cyrus) stands, with his almost mullet, staring at a mannequin head holding a wig. At the window is Miley and Lilly--apparently she's late for her own concert! But never to worry, they just steal a golf cart.

0:03... So, I'm not a jailbait kinda guy, though The Lovely Steph Leann might tell you different with my affections for Ashley Tisdale..

The Lovely Steph Leann: She's a baby.
Me: Dear, she's 24.
The Lovely Steph Leann: She's a baby.

...but I think Emily Osment is really kinda good looking. Miley has put on the Hannah Montana wig, and then slips on a dress that looks familiar. Its one we sold in The Happiest Place in the Mall last Spring.


Oh, come on, she's kinda cute. I especially like the words "Tiger Beat" in the corner of this picture. Why is there a Dateline NBC camera crew in my kitchen? What the heck?

0:05... Hannah Montana is on stage and launches into "The Best of Both Worlds", which is the them song of her show. Not that I know this. She doesn't have a perfect voice, but its not bad. Somehow we've gone from the stage to her singing on a beach, and there's a coconut on the beach and she's at a video shoot and... oh, I get it. Its showing her crazy life! Clever.

0:08... Weird guy in her tent. He's from a tabloid, trying to get some pictures, and out comes Vanessa Williams who plays her publicist. Wait! The sleazy reporter left his camera on record! Oh no, he's got some footage! Nothing I'm sure he can't get in Vanity Fair. He knows there's a secret, but he doesn't know what! Intriging...

0:10... Here is the gist for those who don't know. Miley Stewart is the daughter of Robbie Ray Stewart, and a singer. But the world doesn't know Miley Stewart... they know Hannah Montana, one of the most popular pop stars in the world. But Miley & Hannah... they are the same person, just one wears a blond wig.

Miley has an older brother named Jackson, and her best friends are Lilly and Oliver.

0:11... Hannah is in a shoe shop (this is the expostion part), and spots a pair of shoes that she wants for Lilly's birthday present--but Tyra Banks also wants them. So they have a fight in the store... and the skeezy reporter gets the footage. And Miley is freaking out now because she's dressed like Hannah, but can't show up to the party looking like Hannah. But she can't get out of the car looking like Miley.

0:13... Just know that Lilly, who is turning 16 at this part--which makes me feel skeezy now--loves her BFF Miley, but sometimes not so much Hannah. So when Hannah Montana shows up, everyone suddenly ignores Lilly on her own birthday... and runs to Hannah. You girls are so sensative. And now she sings, "Let's Get Crazy".

I hate that I know this song, but I do. The Happiest Place int he Mall has it on their video screen, along with among other things, "The Climb", which I'll get to later. I hear "Let's Get Crazy" (and "The Climb") about two to three times an hour, eight hours per day, five to six days per week. That's a lot of Crazy Climbin'.

0:18... Oh, the troubles of Miley Stewart. Robbie Ray is furious! Her and Tyra's fight is on the front page of every paper (cause that makes the news nowadays), plus she missed her brother's going-away to Tennessee University (Really? The U of T wouldn't sign off on using their name?) and has now humiliated her bestie, Lilly. And now she wants to go to New York City and miss her grandma's party... unacceptable!

0:22... They are in the truck, Miley demands it stops, she gets out, pouts, a horse takes off her wig and its revealed that this was her horse as a kid--Blue Jeans? The horse bucks her off, and enter... the love interest.

Just a note... this movie is registering a 3.1 out of 10 on the IMDB movie scale rankings.

Travis Brody is his name. He's played by Lucas Till... sheesh, this kid was born in 1990. I was heading into the 9th grade. But, he was born on August 10th--my own birthday, so rock on.

0:26... If I had a nickel for every time I walked into The Cabana and saw Rascal Flatts sitting and jamming, I'd be a rich man. Miley's grandmom reminds me of my own mom, especially when she places an oversized collectable Elvis plate on the wall, next to her collection that includes George Jones, Dolly Parton and Ernest Tubb.

0:29... There's a black dude in the living room. How did that happen?

0:30... Robbie Ray spots a good looking woman in the parlor (he's single, by the way) and goes to talk to her, ends up getting flustered and knocks into the cabinet with all the plates on it. Hilarity ensues.

0:32... If I had a nickel for every time Rascal Flatts was randomly on my porch, crooning out a soft ballad, I'd add it to my Rascal Flatts in the Living Room Jammin nickels and I'd be even richer.

0:33... She is in her overalls and plaid shirt, which looks familiar. We sold the doll of her in this outfit, along with a pony, at The Happiest Place in the Mall. Regularly $29.50, but it went down to $19.99, then you could take an extra 40% off. Miley is swinging from a rope, tossing out chicken feed. Hilarity ensues.

0:35... Miley's grandmom sounds like my mom. "How come you don't visit me more often?" They are out shopping, and Miley displays her attitude. So Grandmom throws down, "Look missy, you may be Hannah Montana in New York, but here its just boots and britches."

0:36... Jackson, Miley's brother, is working at the local zoo. He has to feed the alligators. The camera pans to the bum, you see the snapping jaws. Hilarity ensues.

0:39... The skeezy reporter is in the country town, looking for Hannah Montana. Miley sees him. She switches the mild and hot pepper bowls. Skeezy reporter tastes the hot pepper bowl. Hilarity ensues.

0:42... There's another subplot about a rich developer in town that wants to buy off land and put in a mall. It has to be more than just one scene, because Barry Bostwick is playing the developer. Also, the skeezy reporter gets directions to Hannah Montana's country home, directions given by Miley Stewart and Grandmom, which puts the skeezy reporter in a mud puddle in the middle of the woods. Hilarity ensues.

Barry Bostwick sounds like one of those potetially legendary actors because his name sounds regal, and familiar, and you feel like he's been around forever and must have been in some big movies in his day, you just can't think of any. Really, though, in surfing his IMDB page, he hasn't done much to speak of.


You've seen this guy, right? Right?

0:44... You know, Miley Cyrus has a weird smile. Like, her teeth are odd. And there's like, 7 inches of gum above the teeth. I mean, I guess she's pretty enough for a 16 year old, but I'd put up Courtney Maddox over Miley Cyrus any day.

0:46... Travis the Love Interest tells her "life's a climb". I feel a song coming on. Now, he takes her on a ride through the country, so we get a Hannah song, or a Miley song--I don't know who gets the credit for it--over a Miley rediscovering her roots montage.

Okay, so I predict she won't want to leave, eventually she will with a promise that she won't forget who she is, and the skeezy reporter discovers the Miley/Hannah secret, but agrees not to tell, in exchange for some autographs for his daughters who are in a convent in England.

0:47... There's a benefit for Crowley Corner (the name of the town we're in) to save it from the developers. Robbie Ray is singing... holy crap, I would give anything--ENN-EE-THING--for him to start singing, "You can tell the world you never was my girl, you can burn my clothes when I'm gone..."

It starts out black screened, but give it a second. The joy awaits. By the way, the fancy footwork around the 3:48 mark--I totally could do that in 1992. Seriously.

0:48... Taylor Swift? Where'd she come from? Lucky she has appeared to sing a ballad, so that Miley and Travis the Love Interest can slow dance! And it gives Robbie Ray a chance to slow dance with Lorelai, the love interest of his own.

By the way, the chick playing Lorelai is Melora Hardin. You may not recognize the name, but the body of work is arguably better than Barry Bostwick's. She also played the principal in "17 Again", but I didn't really notice as I was too busy crushin' on Leslie Mann.



0:52... Miley gets tossed onto the stage, and she says she's going to add a little "hip hop to this hoedown". Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap. Its "Hoedown Throwdown", which is not just a WWE Diva's Match... its a dance song.

Okay, okay, I admit it... I like this song. Its stupid fun. I barely know any of the words, but I still get a kick out of it. When it played at The Happiest Place in the Mall, there were little girls AND adults--mostly women, but a few boys and guys--that I would notice singing along under their breath. Hilarity ensued.



0:54... Oh dear... the skeezy reporter just came in! AND the developer comes in... and Barry Bostwick and Grandmom have it out... Barry Bostwick tells them that they have no chance of saving this town! And Travis the Love Interest says, "Miley knows Hannah Montana... maybe should could give us a benefit concert."

Oh, this could be bad, folks! This could be terrible!

0:57... Vanessa Williams and Lilly have both arrived. Miley and Lilly say their apologies and all, and suddenly, Lorelai walks in! Lilly puts on the wig, gets under a blanket and Lorelai thinks she's talking to Hannah Montana! Hilarity! Its ensuing!

1:02... Miley, figuring she's getting nowhere with Travis the Love Interest, gets Hannah'd up. Because when Miley Stewart tosses on a blond wig and becomes Hannah Montana, she looks COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

1:06... Oh no! Hannah promised Lorelai she'd make an appearance at the mayoral (the black dude, by the way) luncheon, but agreed on a date with Travis the Love Interest, who is awaiting Miley across the street... and we can see where this is going. The classic "be one person here, change quickly, be someone else, run back and be the first person, change quickly..." bit.

1:09... Mayor Token is serving lobster. Hannah, and Lilly, have trouble eating the lobster. Jackson has a ferret in his pocket. On both counts, hilarity ensues.

1:12... After all this, I actually kinda feel bad about Travis the Love Interest. If The Lovely Steph Leann were watching this, she'd say, "aww... poor Travis the Love Interest!" and have a pouty look on her face. The ferret just bit Mayor Token on the leg. The ensuing hilarity is hilarious.

1:14... The slow music kicks in, Travis the Love Interest walks away with that "you lied to me, you been makin' fun of me" conversation. Once again, the chick screws it up. Sigh. And now comes the part where she doesn't know if she can do this anymore. And somehow, Shannon Compton makes it into the movie as the girl who keeps seeing Hannah/Miley run past.

1:16... Robbie Ray and Lorelai have a falling out because of whats going on. Miley breaks down. I know he had his own show, "Doc", but really, Billy Ray Cyrus is a terrible actor. I mean, terrible. I know there aren't many Oscar winning performances in this film, but Miley Cyrus and Emily Osment can hold their own.. but Billy Ray is not one to be remembered.

1:18... Obiligatory father/daughter duet between Miley and Billy Ray. Did you know her real name is Hope Destiny Cyrus, but when she became famous as Miley Stewart in the show "Hannah Montana", she changed her name for real to Miley?

1:22... Time for the concert! Grandmom gives Miley a bracelet owned by her mom (who... died in a car crash? Unsure). Cut to Travis the Love Interest, and we see that maybe he is having second thoughts about ditching Miley... hmm...

1:24... Where is skeezy reporter guy? Right in the middle of "Rock Star", she stops singing... uh oh... is this the reveal? Is this where the secret comes out? She pulls off the wig! The crowd gasps! Lorelai looks over at Robbie Ray with a "Oh no! You weren't just being a jerk!" and he looks back in a "See, I told you, woman!" Mayor Token looks taken aback.

1:28... Lilly looks completely bored. The only person who looks happy with this entire turn of events is Travis the Love Interest... so essentially, she's thrown away her lifetime of secrecy and stardom for a dude she met a week or so ago. And here comes... "The Climb".

Holy crap I'm tired of this song. I mean, like, really. Cast Members at The Happiest Place in the Mall tell me they love it, they can't get enough of it, but me? I've heard it--and this is not an exaggeration--at least 100 or more times in its entirety. If you count a verse here or a chorus there as I'm walking through the store going or coming from backstage, I'd put it at over 200. Seriously. No more climbs.

1:30... So, the only part of the movie that actually makes me laugh out loud just happened... Miley is singing, and they cut to Robbie Ray, who has his hand in the air, hand making a "Number 1" gesture with his index finger pointed up, moving it up and down, back and forth, eyes closed, head bobbing. He looks ridiculous. And I laughed really hard just then.


I'm old enough to remember when Billy Ray's mulletopia he had going on was a glory to behold. I mean, it was majestic.

There is a good chance this song will get nominated not only for a Golden Globe but for an Academy Award. Think about it. Bono and U2 were nominated a few years back, but lost. That means that Three 6 Mafia and Miley Cyrus would have Oscars, but Bono would not. Mikey just kicked a small child.

1:32... Its good that in a small country town like Crowley Corners, they had a full set of violin players to play, on the off chance that Hannah pulls her wig off and sings a soft ballad as Miley, requiring violin strings.

1:33... Shannon Compton, in the audience, asks for Hannah. They all promise to keep her secret. So, on goes the wig. Skeezy reporter shows up, takes a photo and runs away... but here comes skeezy reporters daughters! Vanessa Williams had them flown over! Skeezy reporter tells his editor off, quits his job and agrees to keep the secret for his daughters getting some pics and front row seats.

Told ya.


Speaking of Vanessa Williams, this is an excellent album. Everyone knows "Save the Best For Last", but "Dreamin'" and "Runnin' Back to You" are fantastic R&B anthems.

1:35... Travis the Love Interest catches up with her. Finally, they kiss. Robbie Ray and Lorelai kiss. The money needed to save Crowley Meadows is raised! Lilly finds her a cowboy! Vanessa L. Williams enjoys cotton candy!

1:37... The end. This was a pretty terrible movie. Seriously.

Hannah Montana Cherries And Disney. Really?

Just when you thought celebrity product endorsement could not get any stranger - it has.

Miley Cyrus and the brains at Disney have decided to promote both the Hannah Montana brand and the Cherry industry at the same time.

We're not joking. "Hannah Montana" cherries are coming to a store near you! Disney has created the brand of "Hannah Montana" cherries featuring Miley Cyrus along with her "Hannah Montana: The Movie" persona.

Two years ago, Disney started branding its stars and movies with only healthy foods and ended ties with traditional outlets like McDonald's.

With all the nude, semi-nude, and suggestive photos that have been leaked to the net, and now a pole dancing appearance on the Teen Choice Awards, does it really make since to tie Miley Cyrus to cherries?

What's next? Michael Vick Dog Treats. Sometimes you just have to wonder about this industry.
_

The Happiest Thoughts in the Mall

For research purposes, really, I tried watching Hannah Montana the other night. Not only did I feel sort of creepy, the show wasn't really that funny. I know, I know, I shouldn't be expecting Emmy worthy acting, but still, Billy Ray Cyrus is a pretty terrible actor. How he made all those years of "Doc" on PaxTV (now ION) is beyond me.

Miley Cyrus... I can't look at her without thinking Courtney, one of my WalkAbout alumni. She and Miley look much alike, though truly, Courtney is and will be much prettier. And with her mom, Paula, I don't expect many Vanity Fair cover shoots in Courtney's future.


If your a 15 year old boy, what do you do? One is richer. One is prettier. The answer? You do nothing because, alas, both are out of your league.

Also watched The Wizards of Waverly Place. Thought it was rather funny, actually. The whole concept is that there are this family of Hispanic kids who are also wizards, and they are in training to take some life test (which I can only assume will be in the final episodes of the series). Now, while the show is also poorly acted, it was still rather clever.

Watched the cartoon Phineaus & Ferb... now this show is hilarious. Two step brothers who go one impossibly ridiculous missions (Hey Ferb, they closed the mini-golf course! Let's just build our own! I'll get the crane), their sister Candice, who's life mission it is to get them in trouble, and Perry the Platypus, who is not only Phineaus & Ferb's pet, he's also a secret agent--Agent P. Ridiculous, but its quite clever. It might be worth the whole episode just to hear Ferb speak.

Weirdest feeling, ever... walking through the mall, towards the food court, and glancing over to see one of your middle school students in Victoria's Secret. I shuddered. I threw up in my mouth. I ducked the Dateline crew, headed towards Libby Lu, and went to lunch.

Let me answer the question that is on everyone's... okay, well not everyone's, but many people's minds. Okay, maybe not many people, but a few have asked...

"How are things at The Happiest Place in the Mall???"

And my answer typically is... "Magical."

The truth is, it has been magical. Its been wonderful. Its been so great to not wake up three or four times per week at 4am, or get home at almost 11pm. Its been great watching the kids play, or trying out the new Wall-E foam rocket launcher, or tossing the Power Rangers soccer ball around with another Cast Member, or even doing stock in the back, which is like Christmas sometimes.

The challenge is, that The Happiest Place in the Mall recieves anywhere from 40 to 100 packages of shipment... per day. Per day. And our backroom is not very big. So many a'day I am out there, sweat pouring off my face, box cutter in my hand, cardboard stacked around me, opening up Mickey Lunchtotes, or Cinderella backpacks, or Dalmation snowglobe tumblers, or whatever. So, the organizational skills come in handy.

There is alot to learn, though. The cash register is not as up to date as I'm used to, with Starbucks's systems. So, doing a refund is alot of work sometimes, but I'm getting it. The Cast Members are great--I've taking a liking to Audrey, whom I've enjoyed picking on (those of you who know me know if you get picked at, that means I genuinely like you) and our managers have been very welcoming and helpful and gracious. Another I've taken a liking to is Crystal, whom I've worked with several times, is great on the floor as well.

There are several I haven't worked with, or worked with much to get an impression of, but I'm usually pretty good at reading people. I tossed a beachball at one girl, not aggressively, not mean, just fluttered it up playfully. She swung wildly and tried to duck and looked affronted. I could see I had to be on eggshells around her.

Of course, there's Stephanie... not The Lovely Steph Leann, mind you, but another Stephanie, that I really need to come up with a nickname for, if she's going to make the blog on a regular basis. I thought of "My Friend Stephanie", only I had a feeling that most people wouldn't remember that as the name of a Christian rock band from about 14 years ago. I'll come up with something. Anyway, she's just a... well, a really cool chick.

The other day I was back at Plush Mountain, the big pile of stuffed characters--which sits on a shelf, mind you, so don't let any child just run and jump it, because they could hurt themselves--and I was straightening a rack... this cute little girl, maybe three or four, comes running up. She stops, suddenly, and stares, open mouthed at what must seem like a fifty foot high mountain of Mickey, Minnie, Nemo and all her favorites. She then yells, "MOMMY!!! I'VE HIT THE JACKPOT!!" It was precious.

I frequently see friends of mine come into The Happiest Place In The Mall. Jeremy Jones, and his wife Chrystal, came in last week. Got to say hello to them, and their two little girls. Not too long after that, here comes Vaughn Barron, and his wife Currie, and their kids. A day or so later, I see Jaime Echols... all friends of mine from college. A few days ago, I get a message from Tiffany Abbott McCauley, saying she's swinging through The Ham, and wanted to stop in and say hello. So she did, she did, and it was awesome.


This is Tiffany and me, after 12 years of not seeing each other. She hasn't really changed much since Troy. By the way, you can see another version of this pic, with a better pic of me, in my Facebook "Me and..." album. Now, if I could just get The Angel to come visit.

Perhaps its just the "honeymoon" period, because I did have that at my last Starbucks store. Leaving there was difficult, but I think it was the right time. I'm working now, part time, at Starbucks in Homewood, the SoHo area (stands for So Homewood). Its a beautiful store, and its a shame its closing too. I was there last Tuesday night, and at that point, had gone about 13 days without making a single drink--the longest such drought since I started in 2003.

I stood there, behind the counter, steamed milk pitcher in one hand, making a latte, and it felt... strange. This wasn't Vestavia, this wasn't 280, this wasn't Cahaba, this wasn't 20th Street... this was a different store, but not only that, this was a different role. I'm not manager, I'm not assistant manager and I'm trying not to be either. I'm just a simple barista making a simple drink. And it was so freeing. I was just able to make drinks and not worry about anything else.

Where was I? Yes, The Happiest Place in the Mall. Did you know that Christopher Robin has been replaced? I'm rather torn by this, because while I was never a CR fan, he's been there a long, long time. My guess is, he grew up and left 100 Acre Wood, because they have this chick named Darby there now. I haven't gotten used to Darby yet. I'm currently watching her and the Pooh crew in "My Friends Tigger & Pooh", and the animation is weird. Its not 2D animation, and its sort of CGI... like, cheap CGI, I think.

I've got a button on my Facebook page with Pooh on it. He's dressed all gangsta, and the caption says, "Tigga, Please". Its hilarious.

Saturday night was my 33rd Birthday Extravaganza, and you can tell you are getting older when the party is over around 930 or 10. Lil' Sister Ashley stayed until about 1030, watching the Olympics with The Lovely Steph Leann and myself, then left. We were just getting up to go to bed, around 1105, when I flipped the channel to The Happiest Channel on Cable, and Camp Rock was on.

I've been meaning to watch Camp Rock for a week or so now, having it on DVR, because we're currently pre-selling the DVD.... only 19.95, and you get the Jonas Brothers folder set that you can't buy in stores, plus a 15% off coupon you can use... but we kept it on. And maybe it was because we were tired, maybe it was because The Lovely Steph Leann took a liking to Joe Jonas, maybe it was because I took a creepy glance at Meaghan Jette Martin... for whatever reason, we stayed up to watch the whole thing.

And its rather fun. There weren't as many songs as I thought, and most of them fit into the movie (rather that just randomly bursting out in song, like we do in real life). Some of the songs i knew already, having heard them about 13,000 times in The Happiest Place in the Mall.

Well, its time to go get ready to make smiles!