I ask the question again, for the fifth straight year... What makes something "cool"? Everyone's answer is different, but for me, its one of those "you'll know it when you know it" kind of things. For the fifth straight year, I've made my list of the 100 coolest things of the past year... music, movies, people, places, food and anything and everything I could think of.
The list ended up being close to 200 different things... I cut many of them immediately, as they had no chance of making the list ("Watchmen" came to mind), then I made three catagories... The Coolest, Mid-Cool and Just Cool. Then divided up the leftover 137 things I had listed into where they belonged--the top of the list, the middle of the list, the bottom of the list. I ranked them one by one, made several moves, then had a final column of the 48 things that didn't make the list.
Now I'm not going to tell you what was 101st, nor am I going to allude to what was 137th... but, starting in the next day or so, I'm going to give you, one by one, the 100 Coolest Things I found about 2009... some of them are repeats from previous years, some of it is older stuff that I discovered in 2009, and some of it is brand new things that I enjoyed this year as it presented itself to me.
Curious about what's been featured before? Here's a quick page giving a rundown of 2005, 2006, 2007 and 2008's coolest things of those particular years...
So, sit back, relax, and check back soon for the annual year in review...
Alrighty... in an effort to be the one who sacrifices for his readers, who does what he doesn't expect the audience to have to go through, I'm going to do a "running movie diary" blog tonight. Its a movie that I didn't necessarily care about seeing, but at the same time, I was kind of curious. So, its a movie that I procured a copy of, and am about to watch. You ready?
I pop the disc in, and hear the familiar narrator say, "This DVD is equipped with Disney's Fast Play", which to me is a crock. I always end up someway, somehow diverting to the previews, and let me tell ya, on Disney's DVDs, they have a LOT of previews. Like any movie coming out in the next year, any movie in production, any movie that Jorge the Mexican Janitor is imagining that might become a panel idea in seven years--there's a preview for it. And its on the Disney DVDs.
We get to Fast Play, and to the main menu... and the opening castle sequence. And finally... "Hannah Montana: The Movie"...
0:01... The music kicks in, Robbie Ray (Billy Ray Cyrus) stands, with his almost mullet, staring at a mannequin head holding a wig. At the window is Miley and Lilly--apparently she's late for her own concert! But never to worry, they just steal a golf cart.
0:03... So, I'm not a jailbait kinda guy, though The Lovely Steph Leann might tell you different with my affections for Ashley Tisdale..
The Lovely Steph Leann: She's a baby. Me: Dear, she's 24. The Lovely Steph Leann: She's a baby.
...but I think Emily Osment is really kinda good looking. Miley has put on the Hannah Montana wig, and then slips on a dress that looks familiar. Its one we sold in The Happiest Place in the Mall last Spring.
Oh, come on, she's kinda cute. I especially like the words "Tiger Beat" in the corner of this picture. Why is there a Dateline NBC camera crew in my kitchen? What the heck?
0:05... Hannah Montana is on stage and launches into "The Best of Both Worlds", which is the them song of her show. Not that I know this. She doesn't have a perfect voice, but its not bad. Somehow we've gone from the stage to her singing on a beach, and there's a coconut on the beach and she's at a video shoot and... oh, I get it. Its showing her crazy life! Clever.
0:08... Weird guy in her tent. He's from a tabloid, trying to get some pictures, and out comes Vanessa Williams who plays her publicist. Wait! The sleazy reporter left his camera on record! Oh no, he's got some footage! Nothing I'm sure he can't get in Vanity Fair. He knows there's a secret, but he doesn't know what! Intriging...
0:10... Here is the gist for those who don't know. Miley Stewart is the daughter of Robbie Ray Stewart, and a singer. But the world doesn't know Miley Stewart... they know Hannah Montana, one of the most popular pop stars in the world. But Miley & Hannah... they are the same person, just one wears a blond wig.
Miley has an older brother named Jackson, and her best friends are Lilly and Oliver.
0:11... Hannah is in a shoe shop (this is the expostion part), and spots a pair of shoes that she wants for Lilly's birthday present--but Tyra Banks also wants them. So they have a fight in the store... and the skeezy reporter gets the footage. And Miley is freaking out now because she's dressed like Hannah, but can't show up to the party looking like Hannah. But she can't get out of the car looking like Miley.
0:13... Just know that Lilly, who is turning 16 at this part--which makes me feel skeezy now--loves her BFF Miley, but sometimes not so much Hannah. So when Hannah Montana shows up, everyone suddenly ignores Lilly on her own birthday... and runs to Hannah. You girls are so sensative. And now she sings, "Let's Get Crazy".
I hate that I know this song, but I do. The Happiest Place int he Mall has it on their video screen, along with among other things, "The Climb", which I'll get to later. I hear "Let's Get Crazy" (and "The Climb") about two to three times an hour, eight hours per day, five to six days per week. That's a lot of Crazy Climbin'.
0:18... Oh, the troubles of Miley Stewart. Robbie Ray is furious! Her and Tyra's fight is on the front page of every paper (cause that makes the news nowadays), plus she missed her brother's going-away to Tennessee University (Really? The U of T wouldn't sign off on using their name?) and has now humiliated her bestie, Lilly. And now she wants to go to New York City and miss her grandma's party... unacceptable!
0:22... They are in the truck, Miley demands it stops, she gets out, pouts, a horse takes off her wig and its revealed that this was her horse as a kid--Blue Jeans? The horse bucks her off, and enter... the love interest.
Just a note... this movie is registering a 3.1 out of 10 on the IMDB movie scale rankings.
Travis Brody is his name. He's played by Lucas Till... sheesh, this kid was born in 1990. I was heading into the 9th grade. But, he was born on August 10th--my own birthday, so rock on.
0:26... If I had a nickel for every time I walked into The Cabana and saw Rascal Flatts sitting and jamming, I'd be a rich man. Miley's grandmom reminds me of my own mom, especially when she places an oversized collectable Elvis plate on the wall, next to her collection that includes George Jones, Dolly Parton and Ernest Tubb.
0:29... There's a black dude in the living room. How did that happen?
0:30... Robbie Ray spots a good looking woman in the parlor (he's single, by the way) and goes to talk to her, ends up getting flustered and knocks into the cabinet with all the plates on it. Hilarity ensues.
0:32... If I had a nickel for every time Rascal Flatts was randomly on my porch, crooning out a soft ballad, I'd add it to my Rascal Flatts in the Living Room Jammin nickels and I'd be even richer.
0:33... She is in her overalls and plaid shirt, which looks familiar. We sold the doll of her in this outfit, along with a pony, at The Happiest Place in the Mall. Regularly $29.50, but it went down to $19.99, then you could take an extra 40% off. Miley is swinging from a rope, tossing out chicken feed. Hilarity ensues.
0:35... Miley's grandmom sounds like my mom. "How come you don't visit me more often?" They are out shopping, and Miley displays her attitude. So Grandmom throws down, "Look missy, you may be Hannah Montana in New York, but here its just boots and britches."
0:36... Jackson, Miley's brother, is working at the local zoo. He has to feed the alligators. The camera pans to the bum, you see the snapping jaws. Hilarity ensues.
0:39... The skeezy reporter is in the country town, looking for Hannah Montana. Miley sees him. She switches the mild and hot pepper bowls. Skeezy reporter tastes the hot pepper bowl. Hilarity ensues.
0:42... There's another subplot about a rich developer in town that wants to buy off land and put in a mall. It has to be more than just one scene, because Barry Bostwick is playing the developer. Also, the skeezy reporter gets directions to Hannah Montana's country home, directions given by Miley Stewart and Grandmom, which puts the skeezy reporter in a mud puddle in the middle of the woods. Hilarity ensues.
Barry Bostwick sounds like one of those potetially legendary actors because his name sounds regal, and familiar, and you feel like he's been around forever and must have been in some big movies in his day, you just can't think of any. Really, though, in surfing his IMDB page, he hasn't done much to speak of.
You've seen this guy, right? Right?
0:44... You know, Miley Cyrus has a weird smile. Like, her teeth are odd. And there's like, 7 inches of gum above the teeth. I mean, I guess she's pretty enough for a 16 year old, but I'd put up Courtney Maddox over Miley Cyrus any day.
0:46... Travis the Love Interest tells her "life's a climb". I feel a song coming on. Now, he takes her on a ride through the country, so we get a Hannah song, or a Miley song--I don't know who gets the credit for it--over a Miley rediscovering her roots montage.
Okay, so I predict she won't want to leave, eventually she will with a promise that she won't forget who she is, and the skeezy reporter discovers the Miley/Hannah secret, but agrees not to tell, in exchange for some autographs for his daughters who are in a convent in England.
It starts out black screened, but give it a second. The joy awaits. By the way, the fancy footwork around the 3:48 mark--I totally could do that in 1992. Seriously.
0:48... Taylor Swift? Where'd she come from? Lucky she has appeared to sing a ballad, so that Miley and Travis the Love Interest can slow dance! And it gives Robbie Ray a chance to slow dance with Lorelai, the love interest of his own.
By the way, the chick playing Lorelai is Melora Hardin. You may not recognize the name, but the body of work is arguably better than Barry Bostwick's. She also played the principal in "17 Again", but I didn't really notice as I was too busy crushin' on Leslie Mann.
0:52... Miley gets tossed onto the stage, and she says she's going to add a little "hip hop to this hoedown". Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap. Its "Hoedown Throwdown", which is not just a WWE Diva's Match... its a dance song.
Okay, okay, I admit it... I like this song. Its stupid fun. I barely know any of the words, but I still get a kick out of it. When it played at The Happiest Place in the Mall, there were little girls AND adults--mostly women, but a few boys and guys--that I would notice singing along under their breath. Hilarity ensued.
0:54... Oh dear... the skeezy reporter just came in! AND the developer comes in... and Barry Bostwick and Grandmom have it out... Barry Bostwick tells them that they have no chance of saving this town! And Travis the Love Interest says, "Miley knows Hannah Montana... maybe should could give us a benefit concert."
Oh, this could be bad, folks! This could be terrible!
0:57... Vanessa Williams and Lilly have both arrived. Miley and Lilly say their apologies and all, and suddenly, Lorelai walks in! Lilly puts on the wig, gets under a blanket and Lorelai thinks she's talking to Hannah Montana! Hilarity! Its ensuing!
1:02... Miley, figuring she's getting nowhere with Travis the Love Interest, gets Hannah'd up. Because when Miley Stewart tosses on a blond wig and becomes Hannah Montana, she looks COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
1:06... Oh no! Hannah promised Lorelai she'd make an appearance at the mayoral (the black dude, by the way) luncheon, but agreed on a date with Travis the Love Interest, who is awaiting Miley across the street... and we can see where this is going. The classic "be one person here, change quickly, be someone else, run back and be the first person, change quickly..." bit.
1:09... Mayor Token is serving lobster. Hannah, and Lilly, have trouble eating the lobster. Jackson has a ferret in his pocket. On both counts, hilarity ensues.
1:12... After all this, I actually kinda feel bad about Travis the Love Interest. If The Lovely Steph Leann were watching this, she'd say, "aww... poor Travis the Love Interest!" and have a pouty look on her face. The ferret just bit Mayor Token on the leg. The ensuing hilarity is hilarious.
1:14... The slow music kicks in, Travis the Love Interest walks away with that "you lied to me, you been makin' fun of me" conversation. Once again, the chick screws it up. Sigh. And now comes the part where she doesn't know if she can do this anymore. And somehow, Shannon Compton makes it into the movie as the girl who keeps seeing Hannah/Miley run past.
1:16... Robbie Ray and Lorelai have a falling out because of whats going on. Miley breaks down. I know he had his own show, "Doc", but really, Billy Ray Cyrus is a terrible actor. I mean, terrible. I know there aren't many Oscar winning performances in this film, but Miley Cyrus and Emily Osment can hold their own.. but Billy Ray is not one to be remembered.
1:18... Obiligatory father/daughter duet between Miley and Billy Ray. Did you know her real name is Hope Destiny Cyrus, but when she became famous as Miley Stewart in the show "Hannah Montana", she changed her name for real to Miley?
1:22... Time for the concert! Grandmom gives Miley a bracelet owned by her mom (who... died in a car crash? Unsure). Cut to Travis the Love Interest, and we see that maybe he is having second thoughts about ditching Miley... hmm...
1:24... Where is skeezy reporter guy? Right in the middle of "Rock Star", she stops singing... uh oh... is this the reveal? Is this where the secret comes out? She pulls off the wig! The crowd gasps! Lorelai looks over at Robbie Ray with a "Oh no! You weren't just being a jerk!" and he looks back in a "See, I told you, woman!" Mayor Token looks taken aback.
1:28... Lilly looks completely bored. The only person who looks happy with this entire turn of events is Travis the Love Interest... so essentially, she's thrown away her lifetime of secrecy and stardom for a dude she met a week or so ago. And here comes... "The Climb".
Holy crap I'm tired of this song. I mean, like, really. Cast Members at The Happiest Place in the Mall tell me they love it, they can't get enough of it, but me? I've heard it--and this is not an exaggeration--at least 100 or more times in its entirety. If you count a verse here or a chorus there as I'm walking through the store going or coming from backstage, I'd put it at over 200. Seriously. No more climbs.
1:30... So, the only part of the movie that actually makes me laugh out loud just happened... Miley is singing, and they cut to Robbie Ray, who has his hand in the air, hand making a "Number 1" gesture with his index finger pointed up, moving it up and down, back and forth, eyes closed, head bobbing. He looks ridiculous. And I laughed really hard just then.
I'm old enough to remember when Billy Ray's mulletopia he had going on was a glory to behold. I mean, it was majestic.
There is a good chance this song will get nominated not only for a Golden Globe but for an Academy Award. Think about it. Bono and U2 were nominated a few years back, but lost. That means that Three 6 Mafia and Miley Cyrus would have Oscars, but Bono would not. Mikey just kicked a small child.
1:32... Its good that in a small country town like Crowley Corners, they had a full set of violin players to play, on the off chance that Hannah pulls her wig off and sings a soft ballad as Miley, requiring violin strings.
1:33... Shannon Compton, in the audience, asks for Hannah. They all promise to keep her secret. So, on goes the wig. Skeezy reporter shows up, takes a photo and runs away... but here comes skeezy reporters daughters! Vanessa Williams had them flown over! Skeezy reporter tells his editor off, quits his job and agrees to keep the secret for his daughters getting some pics and front row seats.
Told ya.
Speaking of Vanessa Williams, this is an excellent album. Everyone knows "Save the Best For Last", but "Dreamin'" and "Runnin' Back to You" are fantastic R&B anthems.
1:35... Travis the Love Interest catches up with her. Finally, they kiss. Robbie Ray and Lorelai kiss. The money needed to save Crowley Meadows is raised! Lilly finds her a cowboy! Vanessa L. Williams enjoys cotton candy!
1:37... The end. This was a pretty terrible movie. Seriously.
It's really late, and I'm kinda tired after pushing the magic all day long at The Happiest Place in the Mall. But... we have a house guest coming on Monday, and The Lovely Steph Leann is in full-clean mode, meaning I'll have lots to do tomorrow night when I get home from work. So, I figured it would be as good a night as any to discuss the recent flicks I've seen... starting with...
Essentially we see a young James Howlett and a young Victor Creed, half brothers in the film (though in the comics they are unrelated), growing up together. James, who would eventually be Wolverine, and Victor, who would eventually become Sabretooth, grow up together, fighting in both World Wars and Vietnam, before eventually being roped into a special team of ops with other mutants to do some dirty work for the military. While Victor loves the violence and the chance to bear his claws, James, who takes on the name "Logan", has enough and walks out. So it comes to pass that... well, they end up fighting. There's a chick involved, the leader of the special ops force--General Stryker--is a bad guy, and there is lots and lots of cool comic book action.
This is one of the coolest movie posters of the summer, with (L-R) Deadpool, Gambit, Wolverine, Sabretooth & Kayla Silverfox. I will now go and adjust my pocket protector, watch C-SPAN and do long division for fun.
The Colin Firth Club Member in good standing, Hugh Jackman, reprises his X-movie role of Wolverine, and does a great job at it. I even think of Hugh when I read the comics now... a great part, though, is Liev Schreiber playing Victor Creed, aka Sabretooth, though I don't remember him actually being called Sabretooth in the movie. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed Ryan Reynolds as the mutant Deadpool, and of course, Gambit (Taylor Kitsch) was awesome. I had heard that Gambit was supposed to be in the 2nd X-Men film, but for budgetary reasons was left out.
You'll also see a young Scott Summers (Cyclops) and a cool appearance by Emma Frost, who was rumored to be played by Sigourney Weaver, had Bryan Singer remained to direct the last film.
If you aren't a comic person, or didn't like any of the aforementioned X-Films, then "Wolverine" is not your bag, baby... it truly does take a hold of the X-Lore and try to play it out onscreen.
"GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST" Now, I like a fun chick flick as much as the next guy... well, I guess it depends on the guy, but seriously, in the top twenty of The Dave100, there are no less than five chick flicks there. I try to always mention that when I talk about a chick flick, as you might think that I would be biased against it just cause I am a guy...
Sandra and Connor spar over the fallen, broken wedding cake
...that being said, I kinda liked this film. I mean, its not going to end up on the 100 Coolest of 2009, I'm sure, but its one that if it came on cable, I may or may not stop to watch. The premise is this... Connor Mead (played by Wooderson) is this guy who loves women, loves being with women and loved breaking up with women when he's done. As predicted, there is one girl who has always had his heart, and that would be Jennifer Perotti (played by Jennifer Garner)..
...by the way, I cannot figure out if I like Jennifer Garner or not. I mean, I liked "13 Going On 30" well enough, and though I thought "Elektra" was terrible, she at least was a shining point in a dismal film... but as for how she looks, she's either incredibly hot or incredibly unattractive. Its the McGriddle Effect. I'm either really attracted to her, or I'm really, really not. I don't think there's an in between. Where was I?
Well, Connor Mead shows up for his brother's wedding weekend (Breckin Meyer, who is the lead singer for the band LoveBurger and a pretty funny actor, plays the brother, and Lacey Chabert, who I have no problem admitting I think is incredibly hot) and of course, calamity ensues. Enter Uncle Wayne, played by a so-creepy-he's-hilarious Michael Douglas, who has been dead for years, but comes back to tell Connor that there will be three ghosts visiting him to help him change his ways... the ghosts of girlfriends past, present and future... and you see where this is going, I'm sure.
Anyway, there is no new ground being broken here, the take on "A Christmas Carol" has been done before and better, but all in all, its an enjoyable film for lighthearted, I-dont-wanna-think-too-hard kinds of afternoons. I say afternoon because this is recommended as a matinee, not a $9.25 evening show... or even better, wait for the dollar theater. And tell me what you think of Jennifer Garner. Cause I just don't know.
When I mentioned Jennifer Garner to someone as pretty, they said "Really? She's got a 'horse face'!" I thought that was really mean, then I thought, "But... I can see that..."
"SALEM'S LOT" Just finished watching the 1979 mini-series on dvd. Read the book three times, it might be overtaking "It" as my favorite King book (though I'm reading "It" now for the first time in almost 20 years, so we'll see), and saw the pretty lackluster movie with Rob Lowe from a few years ago, so I figured I'd put the old one on Netflix. It came a few days ago, and I finally got around to watching it.
It sucked.
"17 AGAIN" Anyone under 25 or so will probably enjoy this movie more than people over 25. People under 25 have no concept of Tom Hank's brilliant "Big", or perhaps they've only seen it on Comedy Central, or because they are dating someone over 25 who said, "Oh, you have to watch this film!". But those under 25 certainly won't remember "Vice Versa", or "18 Again" or "Like Father, Like Son" or "Dream a Little Dream", and its a good chance that those over 25 might have to strain to remember those classics starring... Fred Savage & Judge Reinhold ("Vice Versa")... George Burns & Charlie Schlatter ("18 Again")... Dudley Moore & Kirk Cameron ("Like Father, Like Son", which admittedly I had forgotten about until I started looking for movie links and found it)... and seriously, who could forget the Oscar nominated, Golden Globe winning efforts of not only Corey Haim but ALSO Corey Feldman in "Dream a Little Dream".
Of course, the granddaddy of all of these switch 'em up movies was "Freaky Friday", starring a young Jodie Foster, excellently remade in 2003 with a then-sane Lindsay Lohan and a pre-Activia Jamie Lee Curtis.
I mention all of this to remind you that this whole young-to-old-to-young plotline is not new. "17 Again" gives you what you've seen before, but in a slightly different way. The older guy this time is played by Chandler Bing, and to be taught how good is life is, he much transform into a younger guy, played by Colin Firth Club intern Zac Efron, and go back to high school. Now, sarcasm aside, I actually thought this movie was pretty funny... there are two reasons why I like this movie:
1) Thomas Lennon. He plays the nerdy, geeky, gawky Ned (who names their kid Ned? I mean, really?) who somehow is best friends with Zac's cool Mike (this would never happen, by the way), and grows up to be a rich software developer who lives in his geekdom apartment. For me, Lennon steals every scene he's in. 2) Leslie Mann. Its no secret that I'm in love with Amy Adams. However, I could easily remove "Amy Adams" from that sentence and easily slip in "Leslie Mann".
Every time she's in a movie, she's wonderful. And gorgeous.
To sum up, "17 Again" is worth a viewing, because even though you've been down this road before, its not a bad trip. Another film you could pay a buck for and not feel bad.
(pardon me while one of my favorite parts of The #1 film on The Dave100 plays on television right now... can't turn away...)
This is perhaps the silliest, stupidest, most unintentionally funny movie this side of "An Inconvenient Truth"... from the very first moment of this movie, I was giggling.
When I was at Troy State, we knew this guy named Mike who was a TKE. Now, TKE's were kind of the joke frat at TSU (Can't go Greek? Go Teek. Can't go Teek? Go home!), and Mike was no exception. He wanted to be liked so badly, he wanted people to look at him, and chicks to love him and he wanted people to know how cool he was. In order to do this, he liked to walk around, come to lunch at SAGA and sometimes go to class... with his shirt off. The guy was pasty white, and though he definately was built (I would never say these things to his face), we all got a laugh out it, because he took himself sooooo seriously.
This movie is like Mike at TSU. It so desperately wants you to like it, it will do all the things it thinks you will think is cool, and yet, you will end up just laughing at it.
Vin Diesel cannot say more than two or three multi-syllabic words in a single sentence, and absolutely cannot speak above a low growl. Every single one of his lines is spoken in a low growl... "I'm going to make them pay for this..." Low growl. "You killed Letty. I'm going to kill you..." Low growl. "Mia, do you have any 2% milk..." Low growl.
Essentially, there is this crazy nutzoid gas stealing scene at the very beginning, where Dom and Letty and the gang try to swipe a few tanker trucks of oil as it drives down the highway--I mean, lets not pull the guy off of the road with a shotgun aimed at his head, nay, let's toss Michelle Rodriguez on a moving 18 wheeler to unhitch the trailers.
Vin and Paul, in all their cheesy glory
Anyway, she dies, Dom gets angry, he re-teams with Paul Walker to infultrate the bad guy gang and get the guy who killed her and so on and so on... whatever. The plot here is not important.
Look, this movie can be summed one in two lines of dialogue... so, Paul Walker and Vin Diesel are standing on a cliff, on the US side, overlooking the Mexican border. Paul Walker, the special agent, leaned up against his hot rod, looks at Vin Diesel and says, "This is where my jurisdiction ends." Vin, who never takes his eyes off the Mexican town below, says, in a low growl, "...This is where my jurisdiction begins."
I laughed so hard the people two rows in front of me turned their heads a little toward me.
