Speaking of Random Thoughts

So, this is the stuff I was thinking about while watching Episode 7 of Season 6 of "Grey's Anatomy", sitting at my table with my laptop, while The Lovely Steph Leann stretches out comfortably on the couch...

He's not Colin Firth, but he's Top Five for
The Lovely Steph Leann

She loves her some Dr. Bailey, and Patrick Dempsey is a key member of Firth's administration in The Colin Firth Club, while I think Mark Sloan rocks, and dig Arizona Robbins... wait, did I just say any of that?  Forget I wrote that...

Speaking of Disney World...

So, here's the reason I've been so lagging in blogging in the last few weeks.  About a month ago, our pastor at Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) and his family asked The Lovely Steph Leann and I for some pointers on Disney World.  Pastor Calvin and his wife, daughter Hillary and her hubby and 2 year old girl and daughter Alissa and hubby Joey and their two boys are all headed that way, and its a combination of "never been" and "haven't been in a few years" and "haven't been in a long time"...

Well, after a three hour lunch meeting, we were just getting going.  Alissa had written about five pages of jumbled notes and such, and I'm not sure she understood everything we were saying (she had Mickey's PhilharMagic spelled Mickey's Filler Magic... I laughed heartily) so at the end, when we were running out of time, I said, "Let me write your notes." 

And over the course of a month, I wrote some notes.  And more notes.  And more notes.  And I added sections.  And then chapters.  And then a table of contents.  And at the end, it was a 53 page not-even comprehensive guide to Disney World from our perspective. 

The Lovely Steph Leann took it to edit, and after three days of assembly, it was bound in a folder, with the great title "DISNEY ON A DOLLAR"... that was the name she created for the Disney Travel Agency that we had discussed...

Personally, I think its a great guide.  And The Lovely Steph Leann says simply, "We aren't giving this out to anyone.  If they want it, they have to hang out with us.  Maybe treat us to dinner!".  So there ya go. 

But that's a completed project, so I'm back!  Rock on. 

Speaking of syrup on the fingers...

I hate having my hands sticky.  Like, really sticky.  Or even partly sticky.  When I'm standing at the espresso bar, and I reach over and pump four shots of vanilla, it sometimes drips on the back of my hand.  Or I have mocha on my fingers.  Or moving the frappuccino pumps around, it drips on my palm.  Hate it, hate it, hate it.  I consider that to be one of the things I'd probably hate most about being on Survivor--my hands getting sticky and not being able to wash it off.

Don't get me wrong.. I don't mind "dirty".  I can put my hands in mud and dirt, I've potted many plants and cleaned many drains and scrubbed many toilets and so on, so I have no opposition to getting my hands dirty.  As long as they aren't sticky. 

Speaking of making messes...

I would love to tell you the following is a fake, but its not.  I would love to tell you that the following is needless and silly, and maybe it is... but I can see the use for it. 

Its called The Slobstopper, and its a real commercial, and sure to be found at Target, Kohls and Wal-Mart in that crazy "As Seen On TV" aisle and/or end-cap soon enough.  What is the Slobstopper?  Its a bib for adults.



Sometimes for a mid-afternoon, or an after work snack, I'll drop by Daylight Donuts and grab a donut and a small bottle of whole milk, and what I've learned the hard way is when you open the whole milk, it spills out the top.  Its done this twice, in my car as I was driving.  The first time, I had a nearby cloth towel and was able to wipe most of the mess away.  Of course, it was good that I had that cloth because I was also munching on a coconut cream filled turnover, and that cream splurted out onto my shirt, my shorts and on the fairly new seats of Red Robin. 

If I have a complaint about my Kia Soul, and I have very, very few, one would be that the seats get dirty really easily.  Just add coconut cream.  And whole milk.

The second time, I was less prepared, and though I had no coconut cream filled turnover, the milk spilled even worse, and I only had a Starbucks apron within reach.  I guess there is no use crying over it.

But had I Slobstopper?  My problems would melt away... as would the milk and coconut cream.

Speaking of being tired...

You know you are tired when you wake up at butt-thirty in the morning and are already looking forward to laying down in the afternoon for a little rest spell.

Speaking of doing puzzles...

I'm not much of a "fighting style" video game guy, like "Red Dead Redemption" and "Halo" and all that rot.  Not that I don't really understand them, its just too many buttons on most controllers.  My fingers aren't that dexterious.

However, I do like puzzles and puzzle games on video.  And in a book.  Mazes rule.  I love mazes.  Crosswords are fun too. 

Word searches are fun, but only if the list is fun.  Like, when I pick up a word search puzzle, I'll flip past "Architectural Designs" or "French Military Victories", but if I see something cool like "Russell Crowe Movies", I'm like "Where you at 'Gladiator'?!".

By the way, the "French Military Victories puzzle has like, one or two things to find. 

Speaking of holding your breath...

When I'm watching a film and a character has to swim underwater, I always hold my breath as long as they do to see if I would make it.  I usually die. 

Speaking of good food...

Had dinner the other night at a joint called Rags downtown, in the Lakeview District.  Let's be honest, I only know its the Lakeview District because when we pulled up, I was told that it was the Lakeview District by our double dates for the night, Melanie and Chris Z.  It was Chris' birthday, so he was in fine spirits, Melanie looked great as always, The Lovely Steph Leann is always nice to have on the arm, so it was a great night.

The food was reasonably priced, and the atmostphere was fun.  Its a former hair salon turned into a bar/cafe, which contains a bar and five tables.  We had to wait for a table for a few minutes, but we were able to sit down and munch on Italian type food and appetizers. 

After we all shared a big plate of fried green beans, I ate shrimp pesto pasta and it was really great.  Dinner with friends is always great. 

Speaking of The Deucecast...

In case you don't know me or haven't heard me, we done been starting us a podcasty thing.  A podcast called The Deucecast.  You can find it on iTunes under "The Deucecast" and download individual 'casts (I recommend Episode -1... that's negative one... and Episode III: Podcast of the Sith) or subscribe to all of them. 

You can also find it on our website The Deucecast, and get show notes and download shows, see a few pics, and find some other fun stuff as we progress.  Find us on Facebook and like us, too.

What's it about?  Pop culture stuff.  Movies, music, entertainment news, gaming stuff, and lots of humor.  Hosted by Mikey, Matty and myself, new episodes are usually available for download on Fridays by midday.  Come join us!

The King's Speech

This is one of the best movie posters I've
seen in a while

In "The King's Speech", there is no sex.  In "The King's Speech", there is no violence.  In "The King's Speech", no one gets shot, nothing blows up, nobody is playing anyone, nobody is stealing, no one gets murdered and nobody has a one night stand that leads to love later. 

In fact, in "The King's Speech", there are two scenes that keep this from being a PG movie and not an R... we'll get to that.

"The King's Speech" stars the president of The Colin Firth Club, Colin Firth himself, and is the story of The Duke of York, who eventually became King George VI in England.  Bertie is his real name, and he has an extraordinary problem... a severe stammer that leaves him unable to complete many sentences, let alone give speeches to the thousands that his family reigns over in the early part of the 20th century. 

Enter Lionel Logue, played by Geoffrey Rush, who is a dynamic speech therapist, though the movie doesn't use the cliched "the doctor who has unusual methods that end up working when nothing else conventional would do the job" trick... while Logue's tricks are a little weird, there is nothing to indicate how different he is from others of the same ilk.  Rather, the movie then begins to concentrate on the relationship between Bertie, a proud man who through no fault of his own is handed the crown of England, and Logue, who reluctantly takes on Bertie as a patient, though begins to see him not as someone with a stammer, but someone who has such great potential and is letting his hindrance effect his entire life.  (run on sentence, anyone?)

About twenty minutes into the movie, I leaned over to The Lovely Steph Leann and whispered, "Colin Firth is going to win an Oscar."  Why?  Because Colin Firth is brilliant, from every single lip twitch to the emotion it takes to play this role. 

Bertie's wife, Queen Elizabeth, is portrayed by Helena Bonham Carter, in one of her most subdued performances.  I'm sure that you, fair Coffee Drinker, that when you hear the words "Helena", "Bonham" and "Carter", you think the crazy queen in "Alice in Wonderland", or evil Bellatrix in "Harry Potter" or the nutjob in "Fight Club"... but here, she's very low key, very normal... very plain, which is exactly what she needs to be, as she is not the star, but one who supported Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush in making this movie what it is.

By the way, have you ever seen "Howard's End"?  Helena Bonham Carter is fantastic in this, and normal too, though if you are doing "Howard's End", I'd just go straight to "Remains of the Day"--HBC is not in it, but its a beautiful film, one that has nothing to do with "The King's Speech", other than the fact there are Brits in it.

Anyway, the movie leads up to an actual speech that Bertie, now the King of England, must give as Britain barrels towards war with Germany in the late 30s.  He and Lionel work together to try and pull off what will be the most important speech given in a generation in that country, and I don't want to ruin the climax of the movie. 

Now, the Rated R.  About halfway through the film, there's a 30 second sequence where Bertie, while struggling in therapy through reading, reels off several curse words, including the F-Bomb about 10 times in a row.  Closer to the end, when Bertie, aka King George VI is practicing the big speech, he throws in a few more F-Bombs to get through some parts... and that's it.   I wouldn't take a 7 year old Campbell Isaiah to see this film, but I would easily let a 12 year old Camp watch it. 

Well, in saying that, that's assuming that a 12 year old would want to see it... as we sat in the theater, I looked around and saw that the median age of the theater--a theater 3/4th full, by the way--was about 55.  I thought I saw a few teenagers looking bored at the beginning, but mostly it was full of PawPaw and MeMaws on a Saturday afternoon date. 

Back to the movie... you might also notice another few Harry Potter alums, one being Michael Gambon (Dumbledore... I miss Richard Harris... sigh) as King George V, and Timothy Spall (Peter Pettigrew, aka Wormtail) as Winston Churchill, a performance I wasn't sure about when I saw it, but as the movie wore on, I got into his role.   The only casting I didn't like was having Guy Pierce play Bertie's older brother, Edward, and I just didn't buy it.  Colin Firth not only looks much older than Guy Pierce in the movie, but in real life, he's actually 7 years older than Pierce.



Right now, Christian Bale is the front runner for the
Best Supporting Actor Oscar for "The Fighter".  And
I think he should win it... but if Geoffrey Rush won it
for "The King's Speech", I would not complain one bit.



That notwithstanding, at the end of the movie, I turned to The Lovely Steph Leann and did my customary, "What did you think?"  She just sat and stared at the screen, and said aloud, "I thought... I thought that movie was fabulous."  Fabulous is a word that is reserved only for The Lovely Steph Leann's I Ching of greatness... Fabulous is only used on things that are so far and away superior, its mind blowing... O'Carr's chicken salad fruit plate is Fabulous.  Bon Jovi's "Slippery When Wet" album is Fabulous.  Calah Ray is Fabulous.  And "The King's Speech", to The Lovely Steph Leann, is in fact, Fabulous. 

And I concur.  I posted via Facebook that the movie was "magnificent", and that's not a term you can use on "The Other Guys" (unless you are Hurricane Rhett).  The movie is paced well, its not flashy, it tells the story it wants to tell and doesn't continue on 20 minutes too long, and though the movie was made with the knowledge that it would probably win some awards, it doesn't feel pretentious or snobby. 

"The King's Speech" is one of those rare movies that entertains you, makes you feel great at the end, and leaves you with a feeling that you didn't just watch a movie, you experienced a movie.  Its almost a perfect movie, which is even more rare.

In a word, its Fabulous.

The 68th Annual Golden Globes

This is a week late, but I did want to post it finally... our computer was down until mid-week, and because American Idol came on, I never got it up.  So, here is the running diary of the Golden Globes...

So, this is being typed on a Word Document, while nibbling on some Papa John’s. The lovely Steph Leann is on the other couch, also nibbling on pizza, and we are set to watch the whateverth annual Golden Globes Awards… 68th, as Ricky Gervais just said!

7p… Ricky Gervais is out, and onto his monologue, which is usually all about the celebrities, with zingers and jabs tossed freely. First up, Charlie Sheen, of course. And now its onto “The Tourist”, insulting it, as Johnny Depp looks on from the audience. Next to “Sex in the City 2”, and then to gay Scientologists (I can only assume he is jabbing Tom Cruise and John Travolta)… yeah!

705p… The first award, presented by Scarlett Johansson!  I’m not a ScarJo loyalist, but she looks great tonight. The award is Supporting Actor in a Movie. Noms including Chrisitan Bale, Edward Garfield, Geoffrey Rush, Mike Douglas and someon else I didn't catch before the winner was announced.

The winner is? Christian Bale for “The Fighter”… this is the first award out of many he’s going to get from now until Oscar season, when he wins the Supporting Oscar actor. Its weird hearing him talking in his regular British accent, cause I’m so used to hearing him be deep and throaty Bruce Wayne, and loud and obnoxious in The Fighter. It also stars Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with.

709p… Here’s LL Cool J and Julie Bowen for lead actress in a TV Drama. And the winner? Katie Segal for “Sons of Anarchy”. Never seen the show, but I’ve heard its intense, awesome and manly. Camera cuts to Ed O’Neill who is clapping and smiling for Katie’s win. Very cool.

716p… And now here’s Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey… Julianne has a horrible dress, and likely no bra. Shame. Best TV Movie/Mini-Series. The Pacific is nominated and I’m guessing its going to win.. though “Temple Grandin” is also nominated. Tough. And the winner? “Carlos” wins, whatever the heck that is.

While the Hispanic director is talking in the broken English, I’ll point out that every year, the person who helps present the awards is called “Miss Golden Globe”, and it’s a chick who is the daughter of a prominent actor or actress. This year’s Miss Golden Globe is Gia Mantegna, who is the daughter of actor Joe Mantegna… she looks a lot like him, but she’s beautiful, so go figure.

720p… Ricky is back up. There is confusion on stage, as the Mexican crew scatters, unsure where to go from there. Ricky then says, “you know this next actor from such films as…” and he goes on to name some horrendous films like “Hudson Hawk” and “Mercury Rising”… Ricky says, “And here is Ashton Kutcher’s dad, Bruce Willis!”

Bruce walks out with a smirk, introducing a film nominated for Best Comedy or Musical, that being “Red”… which was a fun, fun movie.

722p… From “Country Strong”, which is a movie I have no desire to see, here are two people that I don’t care about… Best Supporting Actor in a Series/Mini-Series/Movie. I’m rooting for Scott Caan, but I’m thinking the Extremely Gay Chris Colfer from Glee will get it.

And the winner is? The Extremely Gay Chris Colfer. And to me, its because he’s as gay as a football bat. The Lovely Steph Leann defends him, saying, “Well, maybe, but its also because he’s so awesome!”. No, its because he’s a flamer. Matter of fact, I’m surprised he’s not kissing a guy right now.  Lea Michelle is crying, which is actually kinda sweet.  Not as sweet at Chris Colfer, mind you, but still...

My prediction? You’ll hear some magazine, website or the like tell us that Chris Colfer’s win was important for the gay community.

Here is Michelle, circa 1989, from "The Fabulous Baker
Boys"... by the way, an absolutely fabulous drama.

729p… Michelle Pfieffer comes out… let me tell ya, back in the day, she was The Stuff. Back in the late 80s, early 90s, she was everything that Angelina Jolie is today, and more. Michelle was amazing. She still looks great. She’s introducing the next Best Comedy Movie nominee, “Alice in Wonderland”.

731p… Eva Longoria, sans Parker, almost fell. She usually looks great, but tonight she looks especially classy. Its like he was saying “Hey Tony… check this out. You had this. But you lost it. Sucka.” Tony, you’re a friggin’ idiot.

The president of The Hollywood Foreign Press comes out, and his name is Philip Berk. I immediately think of the obnoxious guy I knew in college named Philip Burke. He was a Lambda Chi Alpha, and I think student body president at one time. But this guy is not that Philip Burke—though that would be funny.

733p… Kevin Bacon and Milla Jovavich is giving the award for Best Drama Series. Actors from Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Dexter and House are nominated as usual, along with Steve Buscemi from “Boardwalk Empire”… and Steve wins. I thought that show was great… but it’s a little too much. Too much sex, too much violence, the language is horrible, and I just couldn’t get into it. But it’s a well done show, and its cool to see That Guy Hall of Famer Steve Buscemi get himself an award. He says, “Im going to talk fast, before that sad music comes on!”

737p… And here’s are the Best Drama nominees… Boardwalk Empire, Dexter, The Good Wife, Mad Men, The Walking Dead… and the winner? Boardwalk Empire. I do eventually want to see Dexter, The Good Wife and The Walking Dead, which are all on the list to watch on DVD. And I’ve got Mad Men coming on Netflix.

Can’t believe they are doing the Best Drama already! And Mark Wahlberg is on stage? He is in this show? What did I miss?

743p… Andrew Garfield, himself a nominee for “The Social Network”, is out to introduce… well, “The Social Network”… he stumbled over the teleprompter, eliciting a few laughs. By the way, “The Social Network”? One of the five best movies of last year, I gotta say.

745p… Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are out to present Original Song, after some horribly written banter that they awkwardly read from the teleprompter. Burlesque is nominated twice—I’ve been hearing that is a awful movie. The song from Tangled is nominated, but doesn’t win. “You Haven’t Seen The Last of Me” from Burlesque wins, and The Lovely Steph Leann is disappointed it wasn’t “See The Light” from "Tangled".

749p… And Alec and J-Lo comes back up to give out Original Score. Danny Elfman’s “Alice in Wonderland” is nominated, and I thought that music was brilliant. Inception is also nominated, and that movie’s music is fantastic. The winner? Trent Reznor for “The Social Network”, and I can’t complain, because it did set a great tone for that film. Nine Inch Nails now has a Golden Globe.

755p… The young chick from "True Grit" comes out—she was amazing in that film—and Justin Bieber—I’ll refrain from the jokes—comes out with her to give out the award for Best Animated Film. I’m guessing "Toy Story 3" will take this, but I’m fearful that “How to Train Your Dragon” will be the dark horse. I wouldn’t have a problem with "Tangled" winning this, but I don’t know how "Toy Story 3" can’t win.

And the winner? "Toy Story 3", in one of the least shocking wins of the whole night. The director comes up, and takes the award, and turns to Hallie Steinfeld and The Beebs and says, “Were you two even born when the first one came out?” to which they both just smirk at him.

759p… Ricky says, “I love this guy, star of 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang', 'Two Guys and Girl', 'Bowfinger'… I’m sorry, are these porn films?”  Then he makes the obligatory "RDJ spent time in prison" joke that always comes around when RDJ makes an appearance.

And of course, its Robert Downey Jr! He has gone from cool to jerk to cool again in his career. And he gives a hilarious monologue on the nominees about how, in his career, he’s gotten with everyone one of them… and when he gets to young Emma Stone, its fantastic. Award for Best Actress Comedy or Musical. I’m afraid Annette Bening or Julianne Moore will get it for The Kids are Alright, because that movie was horrific. Annette Bening gets it.

Chris Colfer is somewhere in the back shouting “Hooray For Gay!”

I haven't done a review yet, but "The
Fighter" was a great film.  Great story, great
acting, and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love
with.

809p… Sylvester Stallone comes out. Lets see how much we can understand. He’s here to introduce a film for Best Movie Drama, “The Fighter”, starring Golden Globe winner Christian Bale, Marky Mark sans Funky Bunch and Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with.

811p… Tilda Swinton comes out with Geoffrey Rush, and I gotta say, Tilda Swinton is one of the most unattractive chicks ever, with an eccentric fashion style. Eccentric means terrible. Heres the award for Best Actor in TV Movie/Mini-Series. Winner is Al Pacino for the Jack Kavorkian story, “You Don’t Know Jack”. Wanted to see it.  And Al talks.  And talks.  And talks.  Aaaand talks.

815p… My guess is the guy starting the Wrap Up Music is about to push the button, and someone who makes more than him says, “Dude! No! That’s AL PACINO! You don’t wrap up Al Pacino!” And they didn’t.

Up next, Actress for TV Movie/Mini-Series. Claire Danes wins for “Temple Grandin”, which she won the Emmy for as well. I’ve never seen the film, and really don’t expect to either—not that I don’t think its great, but it just doesn’t interest me—but its supposed to be an awesome film. Its right up The Lovely Steph Leann’s alley, so she can see it, and I’m sure she’ll tell me how great it is when she sees it on The Hallmark Channel or The Hallmark Movie Channel.

823p… Zac Efron is out now to introduce “The Kids are Alright” as a nominee for Best Comedy or Musical. I’m thinking this will win. Why? Because its gay.

825p… Ricky tells us that Tina Fey and Steve Carell are coming out, but not before dissing on Steve for leaving The Office after this season, “killing that cash cow for both of us!” The award is Best Screenplay. Tina: Here’s a movie that ruined our ability to interact with one another… Steve: I heard about that film on Facebook from a friend I’ve never met.

The winner? Aaron Sorkin for “The Social Network”. Its based on a book called “The Accidental Billionaires” by Ben Mezrich, who also wrote “Bringing Down the House: The Inside Story of Six M.I.T. Students Who Took Vegas for Millions”, which was made into the Kevin Spacey movie called "21".  Book is good, "21" was okay. I plan on downloading The Accidental Billionaires next month as my Audible.com selection.

829p… Chris Helmsworth, the new Thor, and Chris Evans, the new Captain America, are giving out the award for Best Actress in a TV Series, Mini or Movie.   Their banter is terrible.  Why am I not a writer at one of these shows?   Take me, Scotty Latta and Hurricane Rhett, and I guarantee the jokes would be funnier than anything you've ever heard in your life.  Ever.

And the old lady they cut to when announcing Julia Stiles for “Dexter” was NOT Julia Stiles. The winner, though, is Jane Lynch for Glee… she also won an Emmy for this last September.  And Lea Michelle is crying.  That's... well, it is kinda sweet again, I guess.  Not as sweet at Chris Colfer, but still...

836p… Ricky introduces Olivia Wilde and Robert Pattinson, saying, “Here to present an award that no one in America cares about, the Best Foreign Film!” He’s right. Denmark’s “In a Better World” wins, and I really could care less.

838p… Out comes the most attractive 93 year old in America—no, not Betty White—it’s Helen Mirren! She’s out to announce the nomination of “The King’s Speech”, starring the president of The Colin Firth Club, that being Colin Firth himself…

Okay, so what is The Colin Firth Club? We’ve discussed this before, but I feel like we’re getting new readers all the time (wishful hoping?) so I thought I’d explain again… It’s a small group of actors and musicians that The Lovely Steph Leann finds herself a little hot for. Whilst I have my Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with, The Goddess, Reese Witherspoon, Kristen Chenoweth, Martina McBride, Lesley Mann and Kate Winslet, she has The Colin Firth Club.

The Lovely Steph Leann would never cheat on me. If Jake Gyllenhaal ever propositioned my wife, I am positive she’d say, “Yeah, thanks, I’m honored, but no. I gotz a man.” Then he’d say, “What yo’ man got to do with me?” and she’d say, “I ain’t try to hear that, see!” I’m Positive (K)!

However comma

If Colin Firth propositioned The Lovely Steph Leann, I’m pretty sure she’d say no. She’d hesitate. She’d probably give it a few seconds, and maybe flush and stammer, but ultimately she’d say no. Other guys that would elicit this reaction include Hugh Jackman, Bradley Whitford (in West Wing days, not so sure now), Patrick Dempsey, Hugh Grant and Jon Bon Jovi. Thus, The Colin Firth Club.

840p… Vanessa Williams and Blair Underwood, two extremely attractive people no matter the color, are here to announce the award for Best Actress in a TV Series. The winner is Laura Linney for The Big C… what can top gaydom? Cancer! If there was movie with a gay guy with cancer, its sweeping these awards.

846p… Here comes Jane Fonda! Screen legend! Have you ever seen any of her movies? She doesn’t have much on her resume. Yet, she’s a screen legend. And she’s here to show off “Burlesque”, a nominee for Best Comedy or Musical.

847p… Two people I don’t know are announcing Best Actor in Comedy or Musical Series… the winner is Jim Parsons from “The Big Bang Theory”, which is a show that I’ve never seen, but I’m hearing that this show is getting better and better as the years go on.

850p… Jeremy Irons is giving out the Best Supporting Actress in a Movie, and sounds almost like a Jeremy Irons imitation, though he’s actually him. Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with, is nominated for The Fighter, but it goes to the other chick in the film, Melissa Leo. And really, she kinda deserves it, because her part was great.

Just saw a McDonald’s commercial that features a guy coming through the drive thru, whispering his order, and continuing to lap the building without stopping. The somewhat attractive and seemingly smart young chick behind the drive thru mic is confused. He whispers into the speaker again as he drives by slowly. The young chick glances in the backseat as he rides by and sees a baby. The third time he rolls around and whispers, she whispers back his order, and its all sweet and cute and such. Do do do da doooo… I’m lovin’ it.



There are a number of falsehoods in this commercial.


First, I’m sure there are pretty people that work at McDonald’s, somewhere, somehow, so that’s not an issue. But the fact that she’s understandable is unrealistic.


Secondly, no one whispers in that drive thru. Right off the bat, you get a really clear voice that says in a perky voice, “Hi, would you like to try (insert whatever they are promoting at the time)!?” You think, “Ah, someone understandable!” and you say, “No thank you, but I would like to get (insert what nutritional combination you actually do want)".  A pause.  Then you get some chick who can barely talk intelligently, and has a tendancy to start speaking before she hits the drive thru mic button, and then turns the mic off before she's done talking... you hear "...getta number four and what you want to dr..." in a loud voice.

What happened to the pleasant voice you heard first??  Ah... it was a recording.  It was a a tease, thinking you'll have an understandable drive thru experience.  Then you realize... this ain't Starbucks.

So that commercial is full of crap.   

858p… Matt Damon is out to give the Cecil B. DeMille Award to Robert DeNiro… gotta tell ya, Robert DeNiro IS a screen legend. Who cares about Jane Fonda? DeNiro has done some incredible films, but has also done some real, real crap.

My favorite Bobby DeNiro films include “Midnight Run”, #56 on The Dave100… “Heat”, #87 on The Dave100… “Goodfellas”… “Casino”… “Untouchables”... and yeah, he was pretty funny in “Analyze This”. And no, I didn’t like “Analyze That”, or any other feature where the characters are named “Focker”.

Like all actors, he’s made some turkeys, including “The Fan”, “The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle”, “A Shark Tale” and “Showtime”. And I tried to watch “Ronin” three different times… couldn’t get into it. The car chase was spectacular, as its been hyped to be, but the movie couldn’t keep me interested after that.

Robert DeNiro is an actor that everyone loves, and there’s a huge ovation that lasts for several minutes. He quips that “I’m glad this award was announced two months ago, well before you had time to review ‘Little Fockers’” which gets an uncomfortable laugh from the audience. He also says that “Awakenings” was one of his favorites. Anyway, I’m glad it went to Bobby DeNiro instead of someone I'm barely aware of.

913p… Megan Fox comes out, and I’m still unimpressed. Someone is who is completely overrated and overhyped is fittingly announcing an overrated and overhyped film, “The Tourist”.

914p… Annette Bening comes out to give the Best Director Award. As I thought, David Fincher for “The Social Network” takes the prize. Its kinda of surprising, though, that such a mainstream film has been taking so many awards and such. Fincher is also the director of The Dave100 film “Se7en”, as well as “Benjamin Button” and “Fight Club”.

917p… Jimmy Fallon and the smoldering January Jones come out to give out the award for Best TV Series Music or Comedy, in another bit of awkward banter. And The Lovely Steph Leann squeals in delight as Glee picks up the award for Best TV Comedy/Musical Series. At least the show has Jayma Mays, who I kinda think is pretty… not tonight, but usually.

923p… And here’s Alicia Keys to tell us about “Black Swan.” I am not sure if I want to see this movie or not… part of me does, but part of me figures it will be like “Brokeback Mountain”, that is, I should see it because of all the nominations, but once Oscar time rolls around and passes us by, I can skip it.

925p… Halle Berry comes out to give the Best Actor in Comedy or Musical Award, to which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti gets the award for “Barney’s Version”, a film that I know soooo little about.

932p… Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who might be the coolest cat in any movie in 2010, is out to tell us about “Inception”, which to me was the best movie of 2010. I loved every single thing about this movie. The fight scene in the hallway with JGL was amazing.

933p… Jeff Bridges, who Hollywood loves like crazy right now, comes out to give out the Best Actress in a Drama Movie. Right before they announce Natalie Portman’s name, I say it out loud. And then Jeff Bridges says, “Natalie Portman, Black Swan.”

937p… Wow, we haven’t seen Ricky Gervais in like, an hour. He spends 45 seconds introducing Tom Hanks, then says, “the other guy is… Tim Allen…” Here’s the award for Best Comedy or Musical… and The Kids are Alright is probably going to win.



Julianne Moore and her offending dress

The winner is? The Kids are Alright. Yep. Its Award Day To Be Gay.
The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, “Her [Julianne Moore] dress is horrific! I cannot get over that!”

946p… Ricky comes out and introduced Sandra Bullock… with quite an intro. Funny stuff. Here is the award for Best Actor Movie Drama… The Lovely Steph Leann is rooting for her Colin Firth… and when he wins, she shouts “YEESS!!!!”, with her arm in the air.

So, I expect Colin Firth to win the Oscar, though a Jesse Eisenberg win for “The Social Network” wouldn’t shock me… though I’m guessing that Colin Firth will get the one award given to recognize The Kings Speech, so The Social Network can pick up everything else… and Jesse Eisenberg loses out.

953p… During the commercial break, I looked up at The Lovely Steph Leann and asked, “What’s left?” She thinks, and says, “Drama TV?” I replied, “Boardwalk Empire.” She says, “Wow, I guess that’s it then.”

954p… And cancer free Michael Douglas comes out for the Best Movie Award, and gets a standing ovation. He even says, “There has to be an easier way to get a standing ovation…”

The winner, en route to an Academy Award for Best Picture in February? “The Social Network”.

Gotta tell ya… though I hate that its taking away all the momentum that Inception was getting, if this wins the Oscar I won’t be bothered… it was a great film. It was an amazing film, from the acting to the story to the effects to the music… and its so much more than a movie about Facebook… its about friendship, its about loyalty, its about betrayal, its about business. Its great. I know that Amarylis By Morning (up from san antone) didn’t like it, but I’m hoping that she at least appreciated it.

So there’s your Golden Globes. Your Oscar nominations will be announced in a few weeks or so, and I’ll be right here, doing my annual running diary during the awards show!

Movie That Defined a Youth Part II

Here's introduction and part I...

7.  "Gremlins"... When I first saw this film, it gave me the creeps.  I mean, I was like, 8?  9?  when it came out, and it scared me that there might be things wandering around apartment 320, where we lived in Austin, but it became a special movie to me. 

Its in a protective sheet, in a box upstairs.
A little worse for the wear, but I have it.

When I saw the Gremlins parody in MAD Magazine in 1984, I asked my dad for three dollars, so I could go to the 7-Eleven and buy it.  He did, and I did, and it was my first MAD Magazine ever (I bought about two or three dozen over the years, and still have that same one.)

Never good figure out, though, at one point can you feed the Mogwais?  I know not after midnight, but like, is midnight to 1am the bad time?  When its 4am, is it okay?  Do you start with light crackers and maybe some ginger ale around 5am, gradually moving up to some fluffy eggs and maybe a piece of toast around 7am?  Full sandwiches at lunch? 

6.  "Full Metal Jacket"... Hollywood studios are notorious for doing the whole "Hey, that studio is making a movie about this random subject, we'll do it, and we'll do it better!"   Case in point, "Deep Impact" and "Armageddon", or "Dante's Peak" and "Volcano" or even "Wyatt Earp" and "Tombstone" (the latter of each of those films are the superior of the two). 

So, back in 1987 and '88, the Vietnam War had been technically over for 12 years... and not only did we have two Vietnam films, we had several... first, "Platoon", which won the Academy Award for Best Picture but I think is a bit overrated, followed by "Hamburger Hill", the aforementioned "Good Morning Vietnam" and finally, "Full Metal Jacket" (the listing here is no indication of when they were released).  And to me, the last film on this list if by far and away the most brilliant of all.

Its a film in two parts, with the first hour taking place in basic training, watching the mental and physical breakdown of a Vietnam bound recruit at the hands of his overbearing, somewhat crazy drill sergeant (introducing us to the fantastic R. Lee Ermey), and the second hour taking us to Vietnam.  Matthew Modine's Pvt Joker played a supporting role in the first half, but leads the second, showing the rigors and violence and even the inhumanity of that war, and maybe war in general.

It was my first taste of a true war film, and I'm not sure there have many better since, and thats covering any war. 

5.  "Poltergeist"... There are some things a 7 year old should never experience.  And one of those is Poltergeist.  Oh, in this world of torture porn like "Saw" and "Hostel" and zombie flicks and supernatural frightfests like "Paranormal Activity" and "Drag Me To Hell", something like a simple ghost story would seem just that--simple.

But "Poltergeist" is exactly that. A ghost story.  A creepy, scary, frightening ghost story with ghosts that live in the walls and skeletons that pop out of unfinished pools and chairs that slide across the floor on their own power and trees that come alive, oh dear goodness, that tree that reaches in and grabs that kid and... wow.

Watching it now, that effects look a little dated.  The ghosts seem a bit cheap, and the face-peeling scene looks extremely fake.  But the story stands up, and is solid. 

I don't know how I ended up watching "Poltergeist" for the first time, I just remember being 7 and at my sister's house.  The movie was on the TV, and as I was wont to do, I saw something cool on television and sat down to watch.  At the mercy of someone else for a ride, because not only did I not have a car, I was SEVEN, I watched the whole thing. 

See, there's this scene where the kid is a little scared of this clown doll that is sitting on a chair across his bedroom.  Before he goes to bed, he has a stare-down with clown, and even attempts to throw a jacket over that clown so it will quit watching him so it will quit watching me I throw the jacket and it misses, it just grazes the clown and it falls away and that clown is still staring at me and I'm going to go sleep now because its just a clown it just a stupid toy a stupid old toy and tomorrow I'm going throw that clown away go to sleep time to sleep....

  This is one of the, if not the, most frightening scene in all of moviedom (except for that scene in "Lucas" where Lucas tries to kiss Maggie, but thats another story).  There is a scene with a chick in her underthings, but she's being assaulted by a ghost, so trust me, there is no "she's hot" moment in this. 

And then awakened by something some movement some noise awakened where's the clown I'm going to glance up at the clown and see the clown in the chair and it will scare me but its okay, its a clown a stupid toy clown right and it will still be there and I look and the clown isn't there... its not there... its supposed to be there it was right there but its not there did it move did it fall off the chair did my jacket toss make it almost fall off and it fell off while I was asleep no it moved I know it moved I know it got up and moved and where could it be right now where could that scary horrible clown be where (the bed) where could it (under) where could it be (under the) could it be (bed) and what if... its... under the bed...

So he looks.  And we know how this turns out.  And you'd better believe when I got home, I made sure not a single finger or toe stuck out not even a fraction of an inch over the side of that bed.  From the time I was 7 to about age 14 or beyond, I would not dare even glance under the bed. I still get the heebs when I do it now. 

Its a brilliant film, though.  Just not for seven years old.

"Don't nobody leave this stage without singing the blues"

4.  "Adventures in Babysitting"... Amongst my boyhood crushes of Hollywood, you'll find the likes of Nancy McKeon (you never forget your first), Alyssa Milano, Debbie Gibson, Tracey Gold and of course, a young Elisabeth Shue.  Already made famous by her turn in "Karate Kid" as the cutie patootie Allie, she comes out as 80s hotness in "Adventures in Babysitting".  You know how some movies just make you happy and make you watch over and over?  This one was like this.

The plot is ludicrous, really, with Chris (Shue) being stood up by her date... seriously, who stands up someone that looks like Chris?  Colin Firth Club Member Bradley Whitford, that's who!  So, Chris agrees to babysit a teenager who's in love with her, his little sister and randomly, his friend that just won't go away... and when Chris gets a call that her own friend Brenda has run away, but is stranded downtown and needs help, the ensuing hilarity and hijinks ensues.  And makes for a fun little film.

3.  "The Princess Bride"... When I saw this movie for the first time in the late 80s, thanks again to HBO, it had not built the cult-like status it enjoys today.  When I saw this movie for the first time in the late 80s, it was a tiny little, modestly successful, but mostly forgotten the moment it left theaters kind of film starring a bunch of no-names like Carey Elwes and Robin Wright.   When I saw this movie for the first time in the late 80s, I was in love.  Not with Robin Wright, mind you, and only maybe with Andre the Giant (but that had to do more with WrestleMania III than his portrayal of Fezzik), but with the movie as a whole.

It appealed to me in every way.  Action, a love story, it was funny, it was well written, it was well acted, it was imaginative and it was wonderful.  I watched it every time it came on, and put it on one of my VCR tapes.  And when I could afford to do so, I bought the videotape. 

This film actually stayed at the #1 position of The Dave100 for about 15 years before falling a few spots, though it still comes in quite strong. 

2.  "The Empire Strikes Back"... This holds the distinction of being the the very first exposure to the Star Wars Universe I ever had.  Being 5, I barely understood most of what was happening, but I did understand one thing:  My movie life had changed.  My very young, somewhat limited movie life that contained the aforementioned "The Shining", "Every Which Way You Can" and of course "Poltergeist", but still, it would be different.

Maybe at the time I didn't know it... no, I'm sure if it... at the time I didn't know it.  Looking back, though, I can still see that movie screen.  Low quality projection, obviously, as HD was a long way off and a glimmer in George Lucas' imagination.  It opened up with those words:

This music boomed, the words "STAR WARS" blasted onto the screen, then was followed by the yellow scroll that said "EPISODE IV THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK".  Pan down to this snow filled world of Hoth and... what is that?  That thing?  A Tauntaun?  I was mesmorized.

And when it comes on, I still am, this the finest and most powerful of all six Star Wars films.

1.  "Star Wars"... I was the Star Wars generation.  When it was released, I was only 2 years old, so I didn't see it in the theaters when it was initially released.  Though I was able to see The Empire Strikes Back in 1980 in theaters, I had to wait three long years to finally see "Star Wars". 

HBO used to--and maybe they still do--release this small magazine broadcasting all their movies, with the entire month's schedule.  I remember seeing an announcement in the magazine that said "COMING IN THREE MONTHS... STAR WARS".  And I got jittery.  And the next month, "COMING IN TWO MONTHS... STAR WARS" and finally, "COMING NEXT MONTH... STAR WARS".   

I could barely stand it... if it was anything like "The Empire Strikes Back", I knew, even at barely 8 years old, I was about to see the most greatest bestest most coolest greatest awesomest movie I ever did saw.  And when it premiered on a Saturday night in July of 1983... well, I cannot prove this, but I would be willing to bet that I didn't blink for the entire two plus hours running time.  And that last scene, the Death Star battle scene?  I might have peed myself.

I would even ask my mum and pops to wake me up late at night, just so I could see the last scene of the movie, promising to go right back to sleep after the medals were awarded (they never woke me up). 

I remember watching it every time it came on, scouring that little HBO magazine for show times, and no matter what point in the movie it was in, I would start from there.  Vader boarding the rebel ship, or Luke on his landspeeder racing home to see Uncle Ben and Aunt Beru all dead and stuff, or Han Solo saying, "Great job kid!  Don't get cocky!".

So there is.  Fifteen movies that made an impact on my childhood, be it good (or bad)...

Idol Four (with results)

Casey James... Big Mike Lynche... Crystal Bowersox... Lee DeWyze... who will join the next Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, David Cook, Kris Allen, Taylor Hicks, Fantasia, Jordin Sparks, or Ruuuuuben Studdard as the next American Idol? 

THIS IS

AMERICAN

IDOL

Its worth noting that at no time have I attached "My Next American Idol" to any of these guys, an honor bestowed upon dignitaries as My Girl McPhee, Alison Iraheta and Brooke White... and no one has the honor of being the second "The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol", much like The Lovely Steph Leann's Next American Idol Kris Allen. 

Why?

No one deserves it.  Let's face it, neither one of us are buying any of the albums put out by any of the Idols this year.  And you probably aren't either.

Tonight, the mentor is Jamie Foxx, star of such hits as "Ray", "Miami Vice", "Stealth" and "Booty Call".  The Lovely Steph Leann comments on "The Man Hug" demonstrated by Jamie Foxx and the guys in the group. 

Favorite Jamie Foxx movie?  "Collateral".  Also starring Tom Cruise, Jada Pinkett Smith and Mark Ruffalo, it features Foxx as Max, a cab driver who picks up Vincent (Cruise), a hitman who forces Max to drive him around to do his dirty work.  Fantastic film, directed by Michael Mann, its dark, its smart and its great to see Cruise in a bad guy role.  Rated R for language and violence.   I'm trying to decide if this is an addition to The Dave100 as I rethink those last few movies for presentation this summer...

Jamie is giving each contestant a shirt--it is black and either says "CONTESTANT" or "ARTIST".  You want the latter, not the former.  Jamie gives Lee the "ARTIST" shirt, but that was in the rehearsal video.  Tonight?  He's hit a few pretty rough notes. 

Lee DeWyze is singing "Kiss From a Rose."  By the way, love this song, the original that is.  Seal was the man back in the 90s... "Kiss from a Rose", "Crazy" (not the Gnarls Barkley one, but the one that goes "Yeah I'm never gonna survive... unless... we get a little crazy..." which was like a college anthem for me my freshman year), "Prayer for the Dying"... rock on.  Not sure what most of them means, but awesome stuff.

Randy the Dawg suggested he should have done "Blaze of Glory" from Bon Jovi, because he didn't like the song this time.  Ellen DeG gives him a compliment anyway.  Kara the New Hotness says that everyone loves Lee, but the song is just too difficult tonight.   Simon the Cowell says that there are so many brilliant songs to choose from, but this version was verging on karaoke. 

Not good, Lee, not good tonight.

Seacrest says something ominous before sending it to commercial.  "Coming up, Michael Lynche sings Michael Jackson!"  And so I rack my brain to come up with MJ songs in the movies... I came up with two... "Ease on Down the Road" from "The Wiz" and "You Are Not Alone" from "Free Willy".  And both are bad ideas.  Bad, bad ideas.

Tonight he's singing "Will You Be There?"... what is that from?  Big Mike forgets the words in the run-through, and Jamie gives him a "CONTESTANT" shirt.   I stand corrected... I Wiki'ed it, and this is the song from "Free Willy".  Not as bad of an idea, then.  Not a bad song... and not bad tonight for Big Mike.

Randy the Jackson says it was just "aight" for him.  America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres says it was from the great, classic film, "Free Willy".  Then she says the song was predictable.  Kara the New Hotness didn't care for it, and Simon the Cowell is having a hard time connecting "A whale called Willy and that song".  Insert obligatory "willy" joke here, which they do.

Tonight begins the duet portion of the season.  C'Bosox and Lee DeWyze are doing "Falling Slowly" from the movie "Once", which is the song that defeated the nominated songs from "Enchanted" in the 2008 Academy Awards.  Personally, I think its because "How Do You Know" and "Happy Working Song" split the vote.  That awards show featured both Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, and Kristin Chenoweth (ahh)... good times.

This song tonight?  Pretty good.  Both on guitar, singing to each other, and it was very well done.  Randy the Dawg loved it.  Ellen DeG called them "the new Captain & Tennille".  Kara the New Hotness said it was one of the best moments of the season.  Simon the Cowell says it was fantastic. 

Seacrest teases us and says ,"Up next, Casey James with a song from 'The Graduate'!"   I am predicting "Mrs. Robinson", The Lovely Steph Leann is going with "Sounds of Silence".  And like usual, I'm right.  Jamie Foxx pulls an Usher and says, "Sing to me.  Seduce me."  Then hands him an "ARTIST" shirt.

Sitting on stage, CJ busts out a mandolin, tones it down a little and plucks out "Mrs. Robinson".  I do like this song... its not one of my favorites.

By the way, the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced.--"The Graduate"?  Overrated.  Pretty good film, but shouldn't be ranked in the Top Ten Best Film Ever In The History Of The Entire Earth and Hollywood Combined! lists that come out from time to time.  Also terribly overrated?  "Shrek" and its sequels, "Meet the Parents" and its sequels and "Gone with the Wind".  Just keepin' it real, yo. 

Randy the Dawg asks him what made CJ choose the song, and immediately points to Kara the New Hotness, which embarrasses CJ and Kara the New Hotness at the same time.  Says it was pretty good.  Ellen DeG liked this week, and how different it was.  Kara the New Hotness says this performance is him fighting to stay in the competition.  It was a good choice.  Simon the Cowell didn't think the song had much substance and a little lazy for CJ.

The Lovely Steph Leann points out that we've already heard "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" and "I Believe I Can Fly" this year, so those are out. 

Crystal Bowersox is doing the "Caddyshack" classic, "I'm Alright".  What?  Seriously?  This could either be fantastic or horrible, much like the new A-Team movie.  Jamie Foxx is talking about the song, and it might be the first time the words "Kenny" and "Loggins" have ever passed through the lips of Jamie Foxx. 

And as 80s sounding as the original song, C'Bosox does it almost rock to rockabilly... and it sounds great.  I would think to fully appreciate this song, you'd have to be very familiar with the original... and if Simon Cowell was struggling with what "Free Willy" and "The Graduate" was, this song might be beyond his comprehension.

Randy the Dawg says it wasn't his favorite performance, but liked how she changed it up.  Ellen DeG says the song is better now.  Kara the New Hotness says Ellen DeG is right.  Simon the Cowell says she's back in the game. 

One more duet, and its "To Really Love a Woman" as done by Casey James and Big Mike.  Though it starts out pretty good, CJ is a little breathy.  And then Big Mike kicks in... and to me, brings the song to another level.  On this classic Bryan Adams song, Casey James sounds good.  Big Mike sounds great.  I'm digging this song performance.

Randy the Dawg says they sounded really good.  Ellen DeG says, "As a matter of fact, yes I have loved a woman".  America's Favorite Lesbian, everyone!  Kara the New Hotness says the duets tonight were incredible.  Simon the Cowell agreed. 

Seacrest says that tomorrow night, Daughtry and Fantasia come home to Idol, and then says that Bon Jovi is performing, to which The Lovely Steph Leann throws both hands up and screams "BON JOVI!!!".  Looks like there is at least one song we won't be fast forwarding through.

For me tonight... Crystal & Lee's duet... Big Mike & CJ's duet... Crystal Bowersox's "I'm Alright"... Big Mike's "Will You Be There"... Casey James' "Mrs. Robinson"... Lee DeWyze's "Kiss from a Rose".

Aaaaaaaaaand.....

We're back for some results

Our top four, singing songs from the movies. This is what they were born to do.  This is so important to them.  This is what they have been dreaming about their whole lives, and it means everything to them, to heal the world with their music. 

THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL RESULTS!!!!

Seacrest is out onstage, telling us that 37,000,000 votes came in last night.  And tonight, Bon Jovi is onstage, plus Fantasia is here, and Daughtry is here to sing too!  Erin the Marine Wife is squealing in her corn flakes right now.

So let's get it started, right?  And how do we do that?

The Lovely Steph Leann is deliberating on whether I can fast forward through Fantasia

She gives the okay

Fast forward through commercials

Fast forward through Ford commercial

And here we are, seeing Big Mike, C'Bosox, Lee and CJ sitting upon the Silver Stools of Safety.  We get a quick recap of how big of a deal it is to have the Idols go home, as we see The Widower Danny Gokey, Bo Bice, Taylor Hicks, Carrie Underwood, Kris Allen and more in their seasons as they are in their hometowns.

The camera cuts to the families of the Idol Four, sitting on the Big Blue Couch onstage, as Seacrest is continuing to kill as much time as he can.   Dim the lights!  Big Mike and CJ are announced first.  Then C'Bosox and Lee.  After the nationwide vote, Casey James is.... safe and in the Top Three!  He heads to the Big Blue Couch and joins his family.

Fast forward through commercials

Now, for my prediction to come true, with Crystal Bowersox beting eliminated two weeks from the finals, putting Casey James and Lee DeWyze eventually into the finals, C'Bosox would have to go home tonight.

Daughtry comes onstage... if you just cocked your head a little and flinched from an ear piercing scream, that was Erin the Marine Wife seeing this.  That girl loves loves loves her some Chris Daughtry.  Then again, who doesn't?

Not fast forwarding through Daughtry, as commanded by The Lovely Steph Leann

Halfway through, she gives the okay

Fast forwarding through Daughtry

Fast forwarding through commercials

Back to results... dim the lights!  Big Mike stands up.  Lee DeWyze stands up.  And then to Crystal Bowersox.  After the nationwide vote... Lee DeWyze is in the Idol Three with Casey James.  He goes to the Big Blue Couch with DeFamily.

Fast forward through commercials

And we're back... and who's rocking the stage?  How about Bon Jovi.  I don't even try to fast forward through this one... Jon Bon Jovi is a card carrying member in good standing in The Colin Firth Club and probably one of the longest tenured members to boot.

Seacrest (on screen):  So you guys have been around 25 years!
Jon Bon Jovi (on screen): We've crossed generations at this point
The Lovely Steph Leann (on couch, in a whisper):  That's right. That's right.

Fast forward through commercials

Now, let's get to results.  Dim the lights.  The person in the Idol Three is... Crystal Bowersox.  Big Mike goes home tonight.  The Lovely Steph Leann is "awwww...."ing at the camera focused on Big Mike's babymama in tears.

So next Tuesday, its Lee vs Casey vs Crystal... the Idol Three.

Idol Live with Lennon & McCartney (with results)

Late shift at The Happiest Place in the Mall, meaning I just sat down to watch the show.  Its right at 7p, so for the first time this year, I get to do a running diary of tonight's episode!

THIS IS


AMERICAN IDOL!!!

7:02p... Here comes our judges... America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres, Randy the Dawg, Kara the New Hotness and Simon the Cowell.  And Ryan the Seacrest comes out as our host... Lacey Brown sighting in the audience!

Nine remain, on the quest to be the last Idol standing... tonight's theme is "The Lennon/McCartney Songbook". 

Beatles.  Overrated.  There.  I said it.  Get over it.

7:04p... Paul McCartney gives words of encouragement by video.  Seriously?  He couldn't show up?  Usher, dropping a new album, came last week.  I'll bet Usher sells more than Paul does right now. 

And getting the lead off tonight... Aaron Kelly.

7:09p... This is tough. I'm so used to zipping through these commericals quickly, via the DVR remote control...  not tonight.  Huggies, drugfree.org, Taco Bell... I'm actually getting advertisements shown in my brain.

7:10p... We're back.   Aaron is going to sing "The Long and Winding Road".  I wrote a story once called "The Long and Winding Road", back when I was in high school.  It was about this country hick guy who is visiting his snobbish, cheerleadery cousin.  She has no use for him, and she's rather embarassed to have him around, and certainly mortified when her mom demands she take him to a party.  A party thrown by the "popular" kids in the school.

Anyway, there's a hay ride, and somehow they get stranded together when the hayride stops, and they fail to get back on.  The rest of the story (Randy only sort of liked the song) is the two of them walking back, and her defenses falling a little as she discovers maybe he's not (Ellen though the song was long and winding) as stupid and hillbilly as she thought he was.

(Kara the New Hotness thought it was so-so).  The title of the story comes in when he professes a love for the Beatles and Paul McCartney, which of course shocks her, who think's he's all about Dolly Parton and old country.  He sings the verse and chorus of "Long and Winding Road" to her... it ends when (Simon thought the song--Aaron Kelly's, not Hillbilly Cousin's) they reach the group again after a few hours of walking, and her whole mindset has changed.  It was one of my favorite stories I'd written back in those days.   Just thought I'd share.

Katie Stevens is up next.

7:21p... Seacrest tells America that its prom season, and Katie has been asked five times.  Creeeeeepy.   I went to two proms while I was in high school... both my junior and senior proms, both with Cindy Howell.  She and I dated off and on for like, 2 years--what's weird is that we kinda dated right up until prom my junior year, broke up, but she went with me anyway.  Then somehow, we got back together later that year, during my Senior year... then, we dated up until my Senior Prom, broke up, she went anyway (this was after a failed attempt to take Amy Farris instead), she had a miserable time, I had a great time...

I went to two more while in college, with my friends Brandy and Cheryl, to their proms in Samson and Coffee Springs, respectively.   Just sayin'.

Katie is singing "Let It Be".  I'm bored.  I mean, she's doing pretty good, but it was still kinda boring.

Randy the Dawg said it was her best performance.  Ellen DeG says, "Amazing".  Kara the Hotness says she made the song her own, and was great.  Simon the Cowell says she got it right tonight, after being in the Bottom Three two weeks in a row.

7:31p... More commercials I can't zip through...
 
7:33p... The Lovely Steph Leann is at her parents house right now, will maybe join us later.  I only mention this because the preview for Glee just came on, and if she saw that, she just squealed like a little girl.

7:34p... Andy Garcia is next.   He's singing "Can't Buy Me Love", the title of one fantastickly bad, yet terribly awesome... dare I say "Craptastic"?... movie.  You know, from like, 1987, starring a very, very young Patrick Dempsey?  It was like, his fifth theatrical movie, but the first with him in a starring role.  The movie starred him... and nobody else.  Well, that's not true, but very few people out there will recognize the names Ami Dolenz and Courtney Gains, but it did have Seth Green as the little brother. 

Randy the Dawg said it was good and solid.  Ellen DeG says, "First of all, you can buy love... and it was a perfect song choice."  Kara the New Hotness wanted to love it... but didn't.  She said it wasn't new from him, and wants more.  Why do I find her so attractive?   Simon the Cowell says it was like a wedding band when the guitarist, not the lead singer, singing the song. 

7:40p... A commercial for H&R Block, featuring some guy who finally took his tax returns there, and they found him like, all kinds of refunds and things.  If I took my tax returns, they wouldn't find jack.  Except for more stuff I owe, I'm sure.

7:46p... Big Mike used to be in his family's group, called "The Lynche Mob".  His last name?  "Lynche".  Clever.

7:46p... He's singing "Eleanor Rigby", which along with "Penny Lane", constitute my favorite 2 Beatles songs, by far and away.  I'll be honest with ya... I'm digging this soul version of the song. 

I'm not sure what "Penny Lane" or "Eleanor Rigby" even mean... I do know that Penny Lane is a great name for a great part in a great movie, that being "Almost Famous", a movie in The Dave20--one of my Top 20 Favorite Films of All Time, that is.  Played by Kate Hudson, it was like the first, and last, time she appeared talented onscreen. 

Randy the Dawg said that the song could be a joint on the album.  Ellen DeG thought it was a huge risk, but she loved it.  Kara the New Hotness said it was fire, and amazing.  Simon the Cowell said he didn't love it as much as the others did, because this was the kind of song you'd see and hear in musicals.  I completely disagress... I thought it was great, and my favorite of the whole night thusfar.

7:52p... C'Bosox is up next

7:57p... A preview teaser for "The Good Guys" starring Colin Firth Member Bradley Whitford... though how much longer he gets to keep his membership will be up to The Lovely Steph Leann.  The show looks fantastic.

8p... Crystal Bowersox is performing "Come Together", including a guy performing the diggerydoo.  That's not a made up word, Coffee Drinkers... that's an Australian type instrument. 

This isn't one of my favorite Beatle songs, and by extension, this isn't one of my favorite performances of the night... but she's doing a great job with it.  And it looks like she might have even gotten her vampire teeth fixed... she was dangerously close to looking like Scott McIntyre the Deaf Vampire Guy. 

Randy the Dawg said the diggerydoo was kind of distracting, but loved C'Bosox.  Ellen DeG looks for a new way to tell her how great she is.  Kara the New Hotness says it was one of her favorite MamaSox performances.  She compares her to Bonnie Raitt, and I can totally see that.  Simon the Grumpy Cowell says it was a song that he could hear on the radio.   I liked Big Mike better, but it was good.

8:06p... Off to break, and Tim-May! is next

8:11p... Seacrest lets us know that Young David Archuleta and Rhianna will both perform tomorrow night, and now, Tim Urban will be singing "All My Lovin'". 

8:13p... You know, I hate to say this... but I really like Tim tonight.  Seriously.  Well, let's be real here, I'd take Didi, Michelle My Belle, Janell, Alex Lambert or even Angela Martin over Tim Urban, but still...

Randy the Dawg likes the Beatles do that Tim Urban is sporting, and thought the song was good.  Ellen DeG said the song choice was perfect, and one of his best.  Kara the New Hotness likes the fact Tim took their feedback to heart, and likes the song.  Simon the Cowell says he thought the song was really good. 

8:19p... CJ is next.

8:19p... The trailer for "Grown Ups "... it looks ridiculous.  And awesome.  And there's a Bob Seger song that is playing in the background that I can't find--well, that's not true.  The truth is that iTunes doesn't have Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band songs, which is a travesty.  I bought a $7 Bob Seger compilation CD the other day, but didn't have the song I wanted either.  Still, it rocked.  Driving down I-459, with "Hollywood Nights" jamming while the windows were down, enjoying a 71 degree day.  Dig it, man, dig it.

8:24p... Casey James is going to sing, and somewhere, somehow, Cindy Jo is weeping drooling.  He's singing "Jealous Guy", one I'm just not that familiar with.

8:26p... If they allowed cigerette lighters in the Kodak Theater, I'm guessing they would be raised high.  Wait, what am I saying?  This isn't 1987... okay, if they allowed it, I'm guessing the audience would be waving their cell phones high. 

8:27p... A little slow, but really good.  Randy the Dawg was impressed by the song selection, and that CJ played the acoustic instead of the electric.  Ellen DeG was feelin' him, dawg.  Feelin' him.  Kara the New Hotness liked the vunerability.  Simon the Cowell calls him "Goldilocks" and then tells him it was the best performance of the night.  I agree...

8:30p... Okay, so this show is scheduled to end at 9pm  Its 8:30.  That's thirty minutes.  You know how many people there are left?  Two.  So, they've got thirty minutes to showcase two people.  Talk about time to kill...

8:31p... Siobhan Magnus comes up next...

8:37p... If you asked me to guess which song Siobhan Magnus would sing, I would guess "Across the Universe" or "I Am the Walrus"... something, anything, drug induced.  I was right on the former. 

8:37p... She tried the soft ballad last week, and it backfired, getting her some harsh criticism--the first for her--and almost putting her in tears.  Tonight, she's going the ballad route again, and sitting atop a stool, hair curly and cool, dress flowing, she looks amazing.  And sounds amazing.

8:38p... I would probably be more into it if I liked the song.   Randy the Dawg says no one screams "artist" more than Siobhan, and though the song was little sleepy, he liked the tender softness of the song.  Ellen DeG tells her to honor who she is.  Kara the New Hotness says from a singing aspect, she did okay, but thought the song was retrained and polite.  Simon the Cowell says last week was a disaster, but this week she came back stronger.  None of the judges outright said they liked or didn't like the song, it was all about how different and great of an artist she is.  When they say "Song wasn't as good, but I love you", its not a great thing.

8:43p... I could never prove this, but I wouldn't be shocked if the producers came to the judges after last week and said, "Hey, even if you don't like her song, you got to ease up on Siobhan.  No harshness for her.  We lose her, we got Bowersox and that's it.  Don't you get Magnus voted off.  Curse it all!"

8:45p... Lee Dewyze gets the pimp slot, and is up next.

8:49p... The show comes back from commercial, and shows Siobhan coming to the green room, about to cry.  Producers yelling, "Cut away!  Don't let them see her cry!  She did awesome!  We have to make sure people know she did awesome!"  So they cut away quickly.

8:50p... Lee DeWyze on guitar, singing "Hey Jude".  I figured someone would take this song on.  His video clip showed his bro-mance with Andy Garcia, and C'Bosox comments, "They should get married and have little Danny Gokey babies."  Ha!

8:51p... Can't help but like this guy, and can't help but think that Kris Allen is reborn with this guy... wasn't noticed much to begin with, had a breakthrough moment, and is building moment.  And the bagpipe guy who just came down the stairs didn't hurt either.

8:53p... Randy the Dawg says it was a hot one for Lee.  Ellen DeG tries to be funny concerning the bagpipes.  Kara the New Hotness says it was good and bad, but she really likes him.  Simon the Cowell laughs about the fact that this night contained both a diggerydoo and a bagpipe player... and he didn't like the bagpipes at all.  Admittedly, it was kinda weird.  I dug it, though. 

8:56p... So here's how the show breaks down for the night... Casey James... Big Mike... Lee DeWyze... Crystal Bowersox... Tim Urban... Siobhan Magnus... Katie Stevens... Aaron Kelly... Andy Garcia

Tomorrow night!  Results late, cause I'm at The Happiest Place!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

And now, we're back... time for some results.  This will be quick, as usual, as we'll fast-forward through much of it, like the group song, the Ford commercial and the filler.  The Lovely Steph Leann has the remote, so we may end up watching David Archuleta perform, or especially Rhianna.  She loves her some Rhianna.  (I'm just kidding--she couldn't pick Rhianna out of a lineup, nor could she tell you a single Rhianna song... she knows "Rhiannon", though)

Seacrest tells us that the producers has let us know there are "shocking results" tonight.  MZ texted me earlier, asking "Do you want to know who gets kicked off?  The judges might use their save tonight!", which of course tells me that its not Katie Stevens or Tim Urban in the bottom two.  Darn you, MZ, darn you.

So, you know I dig me some Kara DioGuardi, but her outfit?  Yeesh. 

Fast forward through the group song

Fast forward through commercials

Fast forward through the Ford commercial

Let's get this thing started!  Siobhan stands first.  I personally think her front runner status is in real danger... almost like Andrew Garcia's front runner status way early in the year has slipped to her, and now her's is slipping to Lee DeWyze.  Seacrest gets Siobhan Magnus to the center of the stage.   (The Lovely Steph Leann groans, saying, "Oh, the group thing...")

Crystal Bowersox stands up.  Seacrest directs her to stand by Siobhan at the center of the stage.

Katie Stevens stands up.  After the vote... she is led to join the other two in the middle.

Siobhan, Crystal and Katie stand nervously in the middle of the stage.  Seacrest tells C'Bosox to sit down, as she's safe.  And after a fake out (Seacrest:  I can tell you, Siobhan and Katie, one of you is safe... and the other is safe too...) they both take a seat.

Fast forward through commercials

Fast forward through Jason Derulo, whoever he is.  I had to look on the iTunes store to not only see how is name is spelled, but also what song he's got out... its called, "In My Head".  Never heard of it.  We're so old.

Fast forward through commercials

The Lovely Steph Leann goes nuts on the remote, fast forwarding way too fast, right into David Archuleta.  She rewinds, stopping on a Glee preview.

David Archuleta performs the song that gave him his breakthrough in Season 7, that being "Imagine".  The Lovely Steph Leann doesn't fast forward.

Young Archie leaves the stage, waving, probably thinking "better you than me, suckas".

Seacrest tells us there will be two groups of three... nothing but guys left, so a dude is going home tonight.  Lee DeWyze stands up.  Seacrest sends him to the far side, stage right, of the stage.

I'm guessing all the guys are hoping they aren't in the group with Andy Garcia. 

Big Mike stands up.  He moves to the near side of the stage, stage left, closest to the couch.  Casey James stands up.   He heads over to Lee DeWyze's small group.  Aaron Kelly stands up.  He is directed to stand by Big Mike.  So that leaves Tim Urban and Andy Garcia...

Tim Urban stands up.   Seacrest sends him to Lee DeWyze and Casey James.  This leaves Andrew Garcia, who will head to Aaron Kelly and Big Mike... I just announced my prediction--Big Mike or Aaron Kelly goes home.

As we figured, Tim Urban, Casey James and Lee DeWyze are safe.  This leaves Big Mike, Andy Garcia and Aaron Kelly... Seacrest sends one of them back to safety... and that person is... Aaron Kelly.

So, if there are "shocking" results, that means Big Mike goes home.  Cause Andy Garcia going home would not be a shocker.   Both go sit in the Silver Stools of Shame.

Fast forward through commercials

Fast forward through Rhianna (though if she sang "I Hope You Dance", The Lovely Steph Leann would watch it, cause she loves that song)

Fast forward through more commercials

So now, who gets the boot?  That would be................... Big Mike Lynche.  Andrew Garcia stays on the show. 

And the judges... wow... the judges use the save.   The JUDGES USE THE SAVE... BIG MIKE IS COMING BACK...