Larry Crowne's Big Miss

This movie should be an awesome film.  Starring one guy who is almost a "Can't Miss", that being Tom Hanks (for anyone who has seen "The Ladykillers", you'll know that the "almost" in that statement is necessary), and at least until recently, a bankable leading actress, that being Julia Roberts (though since "Eat Pray Love" made about 9 dollars at the box office, that might not be true either.)

Mercy and Larry, discussing the GPS, which is voiced by Nia
Vardalos.

...or if you are a glutton for punishment, watch both in "Charlie Wilson's War", only made good by the presence of Philip Seymore Hoffman and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with...

Anyway, "Larry Crowne"'s premise is promising... a guy who has been successful at a U-Mart, a big Costco-like store, gets fired because he doesn't have a college degree, and to better his life, he heads back to school.  To do what, I'm not sure, but he heads back there.

The co-stars also leads you to believe this might be a, excuse me Chazz Sheen, "winning" movie.  Cedric the Entertainer and Taraji Henson play comical neighbors without being too slapsticky, while Gugu Mbatha-Raw and Wilmer Valderrama lead the group of college friends that Larry meets.  Bryan Cranston is the jerkweed hubby of Mercedes (Julia's character), and does a fine job being jerkweedy, and finally, George Takei almost steals the movie as the eccentric, somewhat creepy Dr. Matsutani, one of Larry's professors.

This looks like a made up pic of Takei... but this is him in the movie,
and he is one part weird and one part hilarious, and wholly
uncomfortable.

Finally, the fact that Tom Hanks directed it, though only his second directing effort, his first was "That Thing You Do!", one of The Lovely Steph Leann's favorites, and a good, good movie.  "Larry Crowne" was also co-written by Nia Vardalos, screenwriter of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", one of my 35 favorite films of all time, and star of another of my new favorites, "My Life in Ruins". 

But somehow, like a jigsaw puzzle piece that almost fits, that almost goes into the spot you think it should go into, but it still had to much wiggle room, or the knobby part is a little too big to go into the slot like it should, this movie doesn't quite fit, it doesn't quite get into that slot like you want it to.

I liked the movie well enough... it does have its funny moments, and I did find myself laughing out loud a few times.  Tom Hanks is the Tom Hanks we love, sort of goofy, never too serious, just lovable.  It doesn't make any sense that he wins the Employee of the Month for like, 8 months in a row, after spending years of high service in the Navy, and he's discarded for not having a college degree.  Heck, John Stossel himself tells us in a recent Washington Post article that college might not nearly be as necessary as we make it out to be.

Overlooking that, then there are the neighbors who make a living by having a 24/7 yard sale.  Then there is the scooter buddy who leases and opens a consignment shop.  Then there is the fact that Julia Roberts' character's name is "Mercedes".

Looking past all of that, however, there is one thing that kinda dulls the movie for me... and that's that Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts have no chemistry.  They just... well, they just don't.  The Lovely Steph Leann will disagree with me here, but there was just no spark between Tom and Julia, which made it hard to put forth a believable spark between Larry and Mercedes. 

Please understand, though, it sounds like I'm doing nothing but telling you the bad stuff about the movie, and maybe that's what I'm doing, but if you can get past all of this, then its not a bad movie at all.  Its entertaining, and even if it never hits the goal that the ambition strives for, its easy to laugh at the neighbors and their yard sale set-up, and its easy to like Larry's newfound hipster scooter friends, and watching Mercy kick out her hubby when he really stoops to new lows of scumbuckety is also great.

I would love to tell you that you should go see this, at least in a matinee, because Tom Hanks is one of those guys you just don't want to see fail, but really, I would have to tell you to Netflix or Redbox it.

If you want to see Julia Roberts with some real chemistry, though, then watch her and Clooney in "Ocean's Eleven", or her and Aaron Eckhart in "Erin Brockovich" or her and Hugh Grant in "Notting Hill", my 113th, 91st and 14th favorite films of all time, respectively...

As for Tom Hanks, watch he and Meg Ryan in the 90s.  They were like a modern day Hepburn and Tracy, and made wonderful movies together.  Oh, and he and Wilson in "Cast Away"... they had a ball together.     

The Summer of Blogging Day Thirty Three

Americana Patriotic Fuzzy Wuzzy Movies Part I

So, for the 4th of July, being the proud American Conservative that I am, I usually do something kinda fun and/or serious for the Independence Day weekend, as I try to remember what this holiday weekend is all about... sacrifice, determination, and the birth of a nation.

But this year, I thought of something a little different... The Movie Angle.  I decided to do a Top Ten American Films... now that doesn't mean "Made in America", necessarily... it means, Top Ten Films About American, or Americana... movies that make you feel good, movies that make you proud to be in this country, movies that just give you a great feeling about who we are, and that this is in fact that greatest country in the history of the entire world, nay universe. 

And that quite simply defines the qualifications of this list of movies... its about American, its about the American dream, its about Americana... and its not depressing or too serious.  That means that "Saving Private Ryan", "Glory" and "United 93", which are all amazing movies, were not considered for this list, because... well, though they are about this bravery of this country and its history, they leave you feeling a little sad and quiet.   And let's be real--its the holiday weekend, no one wants to be sad. 

Movies that didn't make my list, but must be mentioned as "Honorable Mentions"... "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" (1939), not listed because its been so long since I've seen it, I can't remember it enough to honestly talk about it... "Coming to America" (1988), one of Eddie Murphy's finest, and a great story about the success that anyone can have... "Rocky" (1977), because while a great film, man is it slow... "The Dirty Dozen" (1967), another great film, but still a little depressing with all the death and destruction--great for a guy movie, but not necessarily a Top Ten Americana Film.

Alright, now that we have gotten this part down, let's get to the first five... now, these aren't listed from my tenth favorite to my favorite film, as in, my #1 or #2 might actually be ranked lower on my overall The Dave 100 favorite films list--but these are films ranked in "Most American Dream/Spirit/History/Cana"...

Who else can name anothe Paul LeMat movie?  I can!  I thought he
was cool back in the day.  Cindy Williams went on to do "Laverne and
Shirley", while we all know Opie Cunningham's success

NUMBER TEN... "AMERICAN GRAFFITI" (1973)
I saw this film when I was a kid, and loved it then, and seeing it as an adult, I love it even more.  This movie actually spent a little time in my Top Five Films Ever... now, it currently ranks as my 15th favorite film of all time.

This is very character driven, taking place overnight, following the high school graduation of friends Curt (and his search for the mysterious blonde in the T-Bird)... Steve, and his chick Laurie... John Milner, who becomes an accidental baby sitter... and Terry "The Toad", who just wants to get some alcohol to impress a girl.

You know how DieHard started a trend with other movies being described as "DieHard on a boat!" or "DieHard on a bus!"... well, "American Graffiti" became known as a phrase to describe a film that features a bunch of young stars who would go on to be a famous... this one featured Ron Howard, Richard Dreyfus, Suzanne Somers, Paul LeMat, Charles Martin Smith... all actors who are either still famous, or enjoyed much success for at least the next few decades.  And of course, a very young Harrison Ford in a drag race. 

NUMBER NINE... "MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS" (1944)
Wanted to give something for everyone on this list, and that includes the token musical... I love this movie.  No, seriously, I really do love this film.  Judy Garland was at her young adult peak, and is simply magnificent in this movie.

Set against the backdrop of the 1904 World's Fair in St. Louis, Missouri, it follows a season or two in the life of the Smith family, including Mr and Mrs. Smith, and their children Rose, Esther (Garland), Agnes, Tootie and Lon Jr, the only boy.   They live, they share romance, like Esther's romance with the boy next door, and Rose's expectations of a proposal from her boo.


What can I say?  I love this song.

Seasons pass, first summer, than Halloween, then onto Christmas where you hear the immortal "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"... by the way, we sing that now as a fun Christmas song, but in the context of this movie, holy crap is this song sad.

But what's not sad?  "The Trolley Song", sung on the trolley as Esther awaits the arrival of her man, John.  I dare you to not feel at least a little happy when this scene takes place, one of my favorite musical scenes of all time.  Bang bang bang goes the trolley... clang clang clang goes the bell...

NUMBER EIGHT... "DAVE" (1993)
Dave Kovic works at a D.C. area temp agency, and makes a side living by impersonating the president at car lots and business openings and so on.  So, when the president becomes incapacitated in a most embarrassing fashion (which includes Laura Linney, who I just adore), Secret Service Agent Duane Stevenson (played by a young Ving Rhames) shows up to ask... or tell... Dave that he now gets to portray the president.

And portray he does, figuring it out as he goes along, trying to use common sense to solve the issues that we see unsolved and wonder why that's so.  All the while, he's battling Chief of Staff Bob Alexander (Frank Langella), who is trying to use Dave as his own puppet to get stuff done and further his political aspirations. 

I think this movie led me to be a Democrat in high school and early college, with the belief that the government can pretty much do anything!  When Dave steps up and says, "I want everyone to find a job, and the government will make that it's job to do so!" 17 year old me was like, "Yeah!  That's awesome!"

I've since wised up, but still look upon this movie as a gem, an idealistic image of what our country could be if we just worked together to make it happen... and if the government could be trusted.  My 38th favorite movie of all time.

Benjamin Martin (l) and Tavington (r) square off

NUMBER SEVEN... "THE PATRIOT" (2000)
Well, you have to have an actual Revolutionary War film on this list, don't ya?  I actually have two, but we'll get to that later...

Mel Gibson was in his prime in the late 90s and early 2000s, well after Lethal Weapon movies had come and gone, but before he reached his pinnacle in "Passion of the Christ" (and then subsequent fall of the cliff of relevance due to recent year's activities), and it was in 2000 that "The Patriot" came out.  I remember seeing this movie with Mikey and Shawn and the biggest America lover of 'em all, The Honorable Revr'n Ty Sharpton Coffey, who I literally thought would walk out of the theater, find someone with a British accent and punch them in the face. 

This is a rather silly movie, if you think about it, but nonetheless, its entertaining... it tells the the story of a peaceful American farmer who is swept into the  Revolutionary War when his family is threatened.   Mel plays Benjamin Martin, who is loosely based on real Continental Army officer Francis Marion, along with other Revolutionary War figures.

The real pleasure of this movie is Jason Isaacs, however, a few years before playing Harry Potter baddie Lucious Malfoy. Jason, with his platinum blonde hair, menacing eyes and crazy creepy voice, is Col. William Tavington, and is ruthless, bloodthirsty, and promises the English Army leader Lord Cornwallis that he will capture Benjamin, but "if I do this... I won't be able to ever return to England..."

Of course, there are battle scenes, and violence and a heartbreaking moment when a church burns with everyone inside, but overall it, its engaging and worth a watch.  And yes, you might want to punch a Brit when its all over. 

"Okay, so you go here, and you there, you'll be over here and..."

NUMBER SIX... "MIRACLE" (2004)
If I gave you a short list of events that I wish I could go back in time and tell my Past Self to attend, that list would include the Miracle on Ice in New York, even though at the time my Past Self was only five.  I guess my Now Self would have to convince my Then Parents to take my Past Self.

Either way, that event was monumental in sports history, and this movie tells the story of the American achievement here, namely, their victory over the Soviets.   Herb Brooks (Kurt Russell) takes the job as coach, then begins to form the dysfunctional team into a solid team, which includes the famous "Again" scene on the ice following a tie with Norway.. I won't spoil it for you, but its goose pimple inducing.

Of course, you know that the Americans beat the Russians in a semi-final game (it wasn't the gold medal game, contrary to popular belief) and went on to defeat Finland for the gold, but this movie is all about the journey, the struggle and yes, will make you ultimately proud to be an American.  Where at least you know you are free.  And you won't forget the men who died who gave... sorry.  Habit.

TOMORROW, on July 4th... Americana Patriotic Fuzzy Wuzzy Movies Part II, my picks for the five best Americana Patriotic Fuzzy Wuzzy Movies ever... including baseball, lost artifacts, aliens, airplanes and history!

The Summer of Blogging Day Thirty

The Kids Are Alright Is All Wrong

I love countdowns and rankings and lists of things that are good and lists of things that are bad, and so on and so forth... and at the end of the year, I spend hours looking at Year End Best and Year End Worst of just about anything. 

And every year, I even do my own Top 100 Coolest Things of the Year... and every year, when it comes to movies, I like to find my ten favorite films of the year.  And the last week of the year, I try to bear down and see a few films that I might have missed before the midnight bells chime, bringing 2011 to our doorsteps.

Random picture of The Goddess, only because I haven't
mentioned her in quite a while.

Right now, The Lovely Steph Leann and I are watching "The Kids Are Alright", starring three people that I really, really like... Annette Bening, who does one of my favorite roles of all time in my 30th favorite film of all time... Julianna Moore, who is one of my favorite actresses and was a pre-goddess to me before The Goddess became The Goddess (and before I fell in love with Amy Adams, of course)... and Mark Ruffalo, who happens to be likable in just about anything and everything.

So, Annette and Julianne play Nic and Jules, respectively, who are lesbians in love, and are mothers to two kids, Joni and Laser.  Yes, Laser.  So, the kids end up finding out who did the "donation" to make their own lives possible, and they end up meeting him, and hilarity, heartbreak, drama and issues ensue.

I can say this, even before the movie is finished playing out... its well acted.  All three leads, Bening, Moore and Ruffalo are playing their own parts perfectly, the story is well done, and the plot, for what its worth, is consistent with no holes or silliness to drag it down.

But... a Christ Follower, how does one enjoy such a film?  The premise of the film itself, two lesbians and their relationship, disrupted by the sudden appearance of their children's sperm donor, spits in the face of what we as Christ Followers believe to be true, right and just according to Scripture and our own belief in God. 

Let's be clear here... I love movies.  I love watching movies, I love how they make me feel, I love breaking apart a film to dissect it, I love thinking about movies that stick with me, I love enjoying Craptastic films that aren't supposed to be anything other than Crapstatic.  And yes, I enjoyed "The Hangover".  And yes, I get a kick of watching "American Pie 2".  And I did see "Boogie Nights" and thought it, taking into consideration the premise again, was a very well done film. 

So to sit here and say "Oh, I can handle the potty humor of 'The Hangover' and I think its hilarious!" and then follow it up with "'Boogie Nights' was enjoyable and Julianne Moore was awesome!" (which, by the way, she was), only to turn around and say, "I don't like the premise of 'The Kids are Alright' because its just too wrong," is a little hypocritical.  But yet, I will say those very things.

What's the difference?  I dunno.  I don't pretend to know.  I never saw "Brokeback Mountain", and not because I am homophobic... I never saw it mostly because all the things I'd heard from people around me was what I suspected--take out the man on man relationship and make it a normal (and I said normal, get over it) man on woman relationship, and its suddenly a boring film about a bad romance, with beautiful scenery.  So, knowing the movie isn't that good, why do I want to see two guys getting it on?  I don't, and I haven't.

So, back to "The Kids Are Alright"... the language is raw.  Tons of F-Bombs.  Julianne Moore is naked, though she does that in many of her films.  There are several, and I mean several, sex scenes.  The lesbian couple watches gay porn to stimulate their own relationship.  The son is named Laser.  These are all the things that are wrong about this film.   As a movie fan, I'm sure you can catch this on Hurricane Rhett's favorite channel, Logo, in a year or so, or maybe the Oprah Network or something later.  As a Christ Follower, I have to tell you, avoid it.  Just avoid it at all costs.

However... if you want to see brilliance from these three leads...

Julianne Moore: 
"Evolution"... one of the most enjoyable, funny pieces of crap ever put on film.  Its stupid, its idiotic, and its hilarious. 
"Children of Men"... its bleak, its dark, its futuristic and its amazingly done
"Boogie Nights"... I can't recommend this film to you, because its the life of a porn star.  I would tell you to watch it on one of those "Cut out the bad parts!" devices you can find at LifeWay, but all you'd see would be a title card and the credits.  But Julianne Moore is phenomenal in it.

However, since we are discussing to good lookin' Julianne Moore and her films... avoid at all costs "The Forgotten", one of the single worst films I've ever seen in my whole life.  Its awful.  Its terrible.  And what's worse is, it starts out as a really good film... and then tanks, hard.  Bad.  Its terrible. 

Annette Bening:
"Mars Attacks"... talk about stupid and brilliant, at the same time.  A great cast, and a great turn by Bening.
"The Grifters"... Once again, its a R rated film with a lot to it, but its a great story and a great movie all around.  John Cusack is especially awesome.
"The American President"... I cannot tell you how much I love this film.  I came up with the term "A Sydney Ellen Wade" performance for Annette Bening's turn as the love interest of President Shepherd.   Every scene she's in, she shines, every word she speaks, she glows and few times have I ever seen someone look so good on camera.  Except Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with. 

Mark Ruffalo:

"13 Going On 30"... Yes, its a silly rom-com, and yes, Jennifer Garner has The McGriddle Effect all over her, but Mark Ruffalo is just charming enough to make guys like him, and make The Lovely Steph Leann jus swoon.
"Shutter Island"... He co-stars with Leo DiCaprio, and holds up well.  The movie is a little over-ambitious, and it almost pulls off being a mind-blowing cinematic experience, only to end up being a really good film with a somewhat predictable twist... but that's not on Ruffalo.
"Collateral"... When making the 2010 edition of The Dave100, I struggled with this film.  See it for Jamie Foxx and Tom Cruise, and how good they are.  And enjoy Ruffalo's supporting role. 

But avoid "The Kids Are Alright".

What's the Story, Morning Glory?

"UPDATE"
Mom is alive.  Not well, not kicking, not healthy, but alive.  Thanks for praying and thinking of her and our family. 

"ITS ALL IN THE WRIST"
I was watching the end of the 13th ranked movie on The Dave100, and was about to watch "The Bounty Hunter" with Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston when I looked over to see The Lovely Steph Leann cuddled up in her pink Snuggie.  She's got her eyes closed, earbuds in, trying to desperately finish an audiobook that she checked out online and is due to expire at midnight tonight.

The Lovely Steph Leann, catching a few
winks in the evening

She doesn't like it when I turn on movies she hasn't seen, and wants too, so I hit the DVR button on "The Bounty Hunter" to watch it later, even though I've heard its a dreadful film.  I'm also DVR'ing "The Book of Eli", a great film I did see early this year, and am excited about seeing again later. 

So, to pass the time while I write a little on a late Saturday night, I turned it on The Speed Channel, for a classic episode of "Pimp My Ride"... and here's my thoughts for the night...

So, I've noted the fact that I seldom, if ever, actually get sick.  I wake up with a slightly sore throat or not feeling all that well, and by noon, I'm just right as rain.  Maybe I have a sniffle here and there, but overall, I'm cool.  Sometimes, however, I do pass it on to The Lovely Steph Leann--I can't be selfish and take all the infection, so I want to share.

Getting hurt, however, is another story.  Back in May of 2009, I told the story of the infected finger and the attack that my eyes waged on my body, then earlier this year, my left eye attacked me, and who can forget the coffee inferno that erupted on my foot? 

Now?  I'm in a splint.

About a week or so ago, I was working on our order that had just come into the store.  It had been piled up quite high, but several of us were working hard on getting it organized, dispersed and off of the cafe floor--I had only a few boxes left, and was trying to help Melanie Z from dealing with it later. 

I lifted a box of coffee, a box of oatmeal and some frap roast mix, and as I turned around to my left to take a step, I didn't see the two boxes of apple juice that lay motionless on the floor.  My shins hit the boxes, and I lost complete control.  The coffee, the oatmeal and the frap roast mix flew through the air, landed on the tile with a skid and slid across the floor.  I followed very closely behind, hitting the ground hard, landing on my left knee and my left hand/wrist.

A few customers came over and helped me up, made sure I was okay, I told them I was.  I shook it off, laughed a little, thanked them for their help.  I made my way to the back room, where as soon as I turned the corner out of sight, I slumped to the floor, holding my knee close to my chest, fighting a scream of pain.  A single tear trickled down my cheek.

One of my co-workers, Vee, walked back and saw me, and simply said, "Wow.  You're not alright."  I laughed through the tear, saying, "I'm sure I'll be fine.  Just give me a minute."  My knee hurt so, so bad.  So, for the next several days, I walked with a slight limp as my knee, bruised and and battered, began to heal itself.  Stairs were horrible, but over the last week, I think its going away.

However comma

...I did notice that my left wrist was not feeling as great.  In fact, it kinda had a little pain to it, depending on which way I turned it.  By mid-week, my wrist and hand just hurt when I worked, and by Friday morning, turning a door knob, pushing down the white mocha pump or picking up a gallon of milk with that hand made it hurt like crazy.   Off to see Dr. Vance on Friday afternoon, and he poked and prodded a little, got an X-ray and made sure it wasn't gangrenous, or riddled with AIDS or anything of that sort.  Nope, just a sprain on the wrist, one that will...

...one that will...

...one... will.... that.... wi...

...

...so, as I typed those previous words, I fell asleep.  Like, zonked out.  It was only for a brief few seconds, but it was long enough for my hand on my mouse to slip, the mouse to crash onto the keyboard, and The Lovely Steph Leann to wake up and stare at me.  I decided it was time for bed, so between the words "one that will" and right now, I've slept 8 hours, I've gone to church, I've had lunch with Hurricane Rhett, Amarylis by Morning (up from san antone), JustFish and his wife Kelly Kelly at Ruby Tuesdays, I've gone by the cigar shop to buy a gift card for my brother-in-law for Christmas, I've watched The Lovely Steph Leann pass out on the couch again, I've talked to Melanie Z on the phone about tomorrow at work, and I've listened to half of Lady Antebellum's "Need You Now" album. 

Where was I?

Oh yeah, my wrist.  It'll heal.  In about a week or so. 

The whole point of that entire story was that now I have a splint on my left wrist.  I told Melanie Z a few minutes ago, "Ya know, I don't get sick.  I just get hurt."  And get old. 

"NEED YOU NOW"
Speaking of Lady Antebellum, is there a better country song out right now than "Need You Now"?  I mean, this song has everything--being drunk, being desperate, being broken hearted and hurt, and a hot chick singing half the song.  I'll be honest with ya, for the first few times I heard it, the opening keys on the piano makes it sound a little like "I Can Only Imagine" by MercyMe, but there are few songs that are farther apart in subject than "I Can Only Imagine" and "Need You Now". 

Was watching some video clip show on CMT, and this song came up, and Darius Rucker put it perfectly... "The song is beautiful... but when you listen to it, it's about nothing more than a booty call.  A late, desperate, drunk booty call.  But they sing it beautifully."

"MORNING GLORY"
I feel so behind when it comes to movies... I did a count today at church, while a slow song was being sung during the choir concert, and I and/or we have seen about 33 movies at the theater this year, and another three that were 2010 movies I and/or we have seen on DVR, premium cable, NetFlix or OnDemand pay-per-view. 

And I'm so, so behind on movie reviews... but here's one for ya.  

"Morning Glory" tells the tale of Becky Fuller, played by the getting-better-and-hotter-as-time-goes-on Rachel McAdams... she's no Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, but she's still great.  Anyway, Becky is a ambitious news producer that, due to layoffs, is forced to take a job with a very low key, struggling network, and is hired to take over their terrible morning show.  Colleen Peck (Diane Keaton) is the longtime co-anchor, and is aghast when to complete the morning show team, Becky coerces/forces an old curmudgeon of a newsman, Mike Pomeroy, played by Harrison Ford--we'll get to him in a minute.



Obligatory picture of my Hollywood
girlfriend



Of course, nothing works out perfectly, so we watch Mike Pomeroy and Colleen Peck not get along, Becky have a meltdown over nothing working, and her love interest, played by Patrick Wilson, try to pursue a woman who is giving 110% to her career and nothing to her own life.

This movie works on two levels... first, Rachel McAdams wins in just about anything she is in.  To me, you recast "Mean Girls" with someone besides Lindsay Lohan, and it still works.  But take out Rachel McAdams' Rachel, and it loses something.  She wins in "Wedding Crashers", she shines in "The Notebook" and even makes "Red Eye" bearable, so when Rachel McAdams is in something, it automatically makes me thing that this might be a pretty good movie. 

Secondly, I don't know what happened to Harrison Ford, but he looks like he's been chewing on an onion for ten years now.  The man IS Indiana Jones and IS Han Solo, two of the most awesome icons in movie history, not to mention he was in four non-Star Wars or Indy related films, in The Dave100, that being "Air Force One" (46th), "Witness" (34th), "The Fugitive" (25th) and "American Graffiti" (15th). 

Harrison.  Smile once in a while.  Seriously. 

Anyway, back to "Morning Glory", this role is perfect for him.  Mike Pomeroy is bitter, is angry, feels like his lot in life sucks, and even though he was very successful back in the day, he fees like this new spot for him on the morning show is beneath him.  Ford trudges through the film with grunts and growls and scowls, and if you didn't know any better, he might have just as much contempt for being in this movie as his character does for being on the show in question.

"Morning Glory" is fun and simple, it doesn't try to hard, and you genuninely like and root for Becky Fuller, and can even empathize with her when she and Mike do the inevitable sit down, where they have the "don't work so hard or you will end up like me" conversation.  The movie is practically out of theaters at this point, so catch it as a rental. 

"UNSTOPPABLE"
Another movie we saw recently was "Unstoppable", starring Chris Pine (Star Trek) and Denzel Washington, and its premise is simple... they work on a train line.  They go out on what is supposed to be an easy, somewhat boring train transfer, moving a train and its cars from one town to the next in rural, blue collar Pittsburgh.

In another part of the state, two bumbling engineers accidentally let a train get away from them.  Just so happens this train is pretty huge.  Just so happens that its carrying toxic chemicals.  Just so happens that there is a train full of school kids on a field trip not too far up the track.  Just so happens that there is a dangerous part of the track up the road.  Just so happens this runaway train is, well, unstoppable.  Just so happens that... Denzel and Chris Pine are on the other train and are going to save the day.

Just so happens... I loved the heck out of this movie.  You know, sometimes you just want to be entertained, you don't want to think too much, you don't want to be taught anything or preached to or leave the theater dwelling on the film's message and so on... with "Unstoppable", none of that happens.  Its not a dumb movie, it just doesn't pretend to be anything that its not... its simply an action film with two likable leads on one train, trying to stop another train from going really, really fast.

This is one of those films that I liked watching now, and when it comes on Starz around May or so, it will be fun to leave on in the background while I'm doing other things around the house. 

"NO TREE"
If you come to The Cabana, you won't see a Christmas tree in our living room.  You won't see stockings on the mantle, you won't find lights hung around the railing out on the porch, or a giant Mickey in a Santa suit sitting in the corner. 

The reason why?  We didn't put a tree up this year.  See, I've always poked fun at those people who had their tree up in November, before Thanksgiving... in my mind, Christmas doesn't start until Thanksgiving is over, regardless of Wal-Mart having their trimmings up in September.

But, I kinda understand why people put it up before Thanksgiving.  See, our tree is huge.  Its a decent tree, its 7.5 feet, and its big.  Its one of those older trees where there are branches to install in the tree, first the bottom row, then the next, then the next, then a few more, until you get 2/3rds the way up the tree, then you stick on the top part.  The branches are supposedly color coded, but the white and the yellow look awfully alike, and the yellow has two levels and its just a nightmare. 

I've got to drag this thing out, put all the branches on, then we have to deal with gaps.  Then we have to deal with lights... though I'm thinking  that, starting next year, I'm going to toss every single strand of lights we have here out into the garbage... lights are now about $1 or $2 a box, so I can spend $10 a year to have fresh lights that I don't have to worry about.  The Lovely Steph Leann is all about colored lights, so they are even cheaper. 

Anyway, after the lights finally go up, we've got the ornaments.  I came into this marriage with about a dozen or so ornaments, whileshe came in with about 779 ornaments.  And she wants every.  single.  one of them.  on the tree. 

When Thanksgiving is over, we just get busy.  Really, really busy.  We had a weekend away that resulted in us spending a few days in Disney World, meeting up with some very dear friends while we were there.  We figured when we got back, we'd get the tree up.  When we got back, we were tired, we were lazy, we figured we'd get the tree up in a few days.

A few more days go by, and I finally ask The Lovely Steph Leann, "What if... what if we didn't put a tree up?"  She pauses, reflects for a minute, and said, "Well, I hope that this doesn't start a tradition of not putting a tree up..."  I told her that we would put it up, just maybe not this year.

Mid-December comes around, and no tree still.  The Lovely Steph Leann informs me that we aren't putting up a tree until we clean the floor.  My argument was simply, why clean the floor when we are putting a tree down, with a tree skirt over it covering the area.  Why not clean it after the tree is put away in January?  No dice, says the wife.  No floor, no tree.  I said I wasn't cleaning that part of the floor, and its a stalemate.

Then, a few days ago, The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Well, I'm in agreement... we don't have to put a tree up this year.  Just so long as we don't make this a permanent thing."  I shake my head, thinking that oh, we'll get it up at some point soon.

And here we are, the weekend before Christmas, no tree. And there won't be a tree this year at The Cabana.  Next year, I'm going to become one of those people that I made fun of... our tree is going up in mid-November, BEFORE Thanksgiving.    So when Thanksgiving rolls around, our tree is up, and we don't have to worry about it. 

And it will be a new tree.  Not the beastly monster that we have now, but something a little easier, maybe not smaller, but easier to put up.  Its gotta hold 779 ornaments, after all.

Finding Nemo (The Dave100 #98)

You take a story about an ocean, and a fish named Nemo with a gimpy fin.  Let him have an extremely overprotective father, let Nemo go missing, and let that father meet up with a short-term memory blue fish named Dory while in the hunt for Nemo. 

Then let your main voices be veteran actor Albert Brooks and talk show host, former American Idol failure and America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeGeneres. 

Toss it all in the hands of Pixar, and you've got a magnificent movie.  There is so much to love about "Finding Nemo", but perhaps the thing you have to appreciate, even if you find the story unappealing, is the visual aspects.  On HD, its absolutely glorious.  The colors are vibrant, the animation is superior, and taking away any Toy Story movies, this might be Pixar's crowning achievement.

As with all Pixar films, I saw this in the theater, then watched it off and on through the years, but I really began to dig and appreciate "Finding Nemo", beyond the normal "Yeah man, I like that film!" earlier this year. 

At The Happiest Place in the Mall (RIP), we had this big screen at the back of the store that showed stuff like Hannah Montana previews, Jonas Brother videos, random film clips from "Beauty & the Beast" and "Little Mermaid" and "Cinderella" and movie trailers for "G-Force" and the upcoming release of  "Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs" and so on... and we had to play these 30 to 45 minute videos all day. 

But...

...every now and again, we'd break the rules.  We'd break the rules by popping in a DVD, and sometimes, many times, it was "Finding Nemo", and we'd watch it while we doled out the magic.  And we'd quote the lines... and let me tell ya, all of us there, we all knew those lines.  We knew those lines..

"You know, for a clown fish, he really isn't that funny"
"He touched the butt"
"That's a big butt"
"Fish are friends, not food"
and of course... "Just keep swimming."

On a related note, "Finding Nemo: the Musical" is a must-see show/attraction when I go to Disney World, no question.  Sandy Plankton agrees.

Movie That Defined a Youth Part II

Here's introduction and part I...

7.  "Gremlins"... When I first saw this film, it gave me the creeps.  I mean, I was like, 8?  9?  when it came out, and it scared me that there might be things wandering around apartment 320, where we lived in Austin, but it became a special movie to me. 

Its in a protective sheet, in a box upstairs.
A little worse for the wear, but I have it.

When I saw the Gremlins parody in MAD Magazine in 1984, I asked my dad for three dollars, so I could go to the 7-Eleven and buy it.  He did, and I did, and it was my first MAD Magazine ever (I bought about two or three dozen over the years, and still have that same one.)

Never good figure out, though, at one point can you feed the Mogwais?  I know not after midnight, but like, is midnight to 1am the bad time?  When its 4am, is it okay?  Do you start with light crackers and maybe some ginger ale around 5am, gradually moving up to some fluffy eggs and maybe a piece of toast around 7am?  Full sandwiches at lunch? 

6.  "Full Metal Jacket"... Hollywood studios are notorious for doing the whole "Hey, that studio is making a movie about this random subject, we'll do it, and we'll do it better!"   Case in point, "Deep Impact" and "Armageddon", or "Dante's Peak" and "Volcano" or even "Wyatt Earp" and "Tombstone" (the latter of each of those films are the superior of the two). 

So, back in 1987 and '88, the Vietnam War had been technically over for 12 years... and not only did we have two Vietnam films, we had several... first, "Platoon", which won the Academy Award for Best Picture but I think is a bit overrated, followed by "Hamburger Hill", the aforementioned "Good Morning Vietnam" and finally, "Full Metal Jacket" (the listing here is no indication of when they were released).  And to me, the last film on this list if by far and away the most brilliant of all.

Its a film in two parts, with the first hour taking place in basic training, watching the mental and physical breakdown of a Vietnam bound recruit at the hands of his overbearing, somewhat crazy drill sergeant (introducing us to the fantastic R. Lee Ermey), and the second hour taking us to Vietnam.  Matthew Modine's Pvt Joker played a supporting role in the first half, but leads the second, showing the rigors and violence and even the inhumanity of that war, and maybe war in general.

It was my first taste of a true war film, and I'm not sure there have many better since, and thats covering any war. 

5.  "Poltergeist"... There are some things a 7 year old should never experience.  And one of those is Poltergeist.  Oh, in this world of torture porn like "Saw" and "Hostel" and zombie flicks and supernatural frightfests like "Paranormal Activity" and "Drag Me To Hell", something like a simple ghost story would seem just that--simple.

But "Poltergeist" is exactly that. A ghost story.  A creepy, scary, frightening ghost story with ghosts that live in the walls and skeletons that pop out of unfinished pools and chairs that slide across the floor on their own power and trees that come alive, oh dear goodness, that tree that reaches in and grabs that kid and... wow.

Watching it now, that effects look a little dated.  The ghosts seem a bit cheap, and the face-peeling scene looks extremely fake.  But the story stands up, and is solid. 

I don't know how I ended up watching "Poltergeist" for the first time, I just remember being 7 and at my sister's house.  The movie was on the TV, and as I was wont to do, I saw something cool on television and sat down to watch.  At the mercy of someone else for a ride, because not only did I not have a car, I was SEVEN, I watched the whole thing. 

See, there's this scene where the kid is a little scared of this clown doll that is sitting on a chair across his bedroom.  Before he goes to bed, he has a stare-down with clown, and even attempts to throw a jacket over that clown so it will quit watching him so it will quit watching me I throw the jacket and it misses, it just grazes the clown and it falls away and that clown is still staring at me and I'm going to go sleep now because its just a clown it just a stupid toy a stupid old toy and tomorrow I'm going throw that clown away go to sleep time to sleep....

  This is one of the, if not the, most frightening scene in all of moviedom (except for that scene in "Lucas" where Lucas tries to kiss Maggie, but thats another story).  There is a scene with a chick in her underthings, but she's being assaulted by a ghost, so trust me, there is no "she's hot" moment in this. 

And then awakened by something some movement some noise awakened where's the clown I'm going to glance up at the clown and see the clown in the chair and it will scare me but its okay, its a clown a stupid toy clown right and it will still be there and I look and the clown isn't there... its not there... its supposed to be there it was right there but its not there did it move did it fall off the chair did my jacket toss make it almost fall off and it fell off while I was asleep no it moved I know it moved I know it got up and moved and where could it be right now where could that scary horrible clown be where (the bed) where could it (under) where could it be (under the) could it be (bed) and what if... its... under the bed...

So he looks.  And we know how this turns out.  And you'd better believe when I got home, I made sure not a single finger or toe stuck out not even a fraction of an inch over the side of that bed.  From the time I was 7 to about age 14 or beyond, I would not dare even glance under the bed. I still get the heebs when I do it now. 

Its a brilliant film, though.  Just not for seven years old.

"Don't nobody leave this stage without singing the blues"

4.  "Adventures in Babysitting"... Amongst my boyhood crushes of Hollywood, you'll find the likes of Nancy McKeon (you never forget your first), Alyssa Milano, Debbie Gibson, Tracey Gold and of course, a young Elisabeth Shue.  Already made famous by her turn in "Karate Kid" as the cutie patootie Allie, she comes out as 80s hotness in "Adventures in Babysitting".  You know how some movies just make you happy and make you watch over and over?  This one was like this.

The plot is ludicrous, really, with Chris (Shue) being stood up by her date... seriously, who stands up someone that looks like Chris?  Colin Firth Club Member Bradley Whitford, that's who!  So, Chris agrees to babysit a teenager who's in love with her, his little sister and randomly, his friend that just won't go away... and when Chris gets a call that her own friend Brenda has run away, but is stranded downtown and needs help, the ensuing hilarity and hijinks ensues.  And makes for a fun little film.

3.  "The Princess Bride"... When I saw this movie for the first time in the late 80s, thanks again to HBO, it had not built the cult-like status it enjoys today.  When I saw this movie for the first time in the late 80s, it was a tiny little, modestly successful, but mostly forgotten the moment it left theaters kind of film starring a bunch of no-names like Carey Elwes and Robin Wright.   When I saw this movie for the first time in the late 80s, I was in love.  Not with Robin Wright, mind you, and only maybe with Andre the Giant (but that had to do more with WrestleMania III than his portrayal of Fezzik), but with the movie as a whole.

It appealed to me in every way.  Action, a love story, it was funny, it was well written, it was well acted, it was imaginative and it was wonderful.  I watched it every time it came on, and put it on one of my VCR tapes.  And when I could afford to do so, I bought the videotape. 

This film actually stayed at the #1 position of The Dave100 for about 15 years before falling a few spots, though it still comes in quite strong. 

2.  "The Empire Strikes Back"... This holds the distinction of being the the very first exposure to the Star Wars Universe I ever had.  Being 5, I barely understood most of what was happening, but I did understand one thing:  My movie life had changed.  My very young, somewhat limited movie life that contained the aforementioned "The Shining", "Every Which Way You Can" and of course "Poltergeist", but still, it would be different.

Maybe at the time I didn't know it... no, I'm sure if it... at the time I didn't know it.  Looking back, though, I can still see that movie screen.  Low quality projection, obviously, as HD was a long way off and a glimmer in George Lucas' imagination.  It opened up with those words:

This music boomed, the words "STAR WARS" blasted onto the screen, then was followed by the yellow scroll that said "EPISODE IV THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK".  Pan down to this snow filled world of Hoth and... what is that?  That thing?  A Tauntaun?  I was mesmorized.

And when it comes on, I still am, this the finest and most powerful of all six Star Wars films.

1.  "Star Wars"... I was the Star Wars generation.  When it was released, I was only 2 years old, so I didn't see it in the theaters when it was initially released.  Though I was able to see The Empire Strikes Back in 1980 in theaters, I had to wait three long years to finally see "Star Wars". 

HBO used to--and maybe they still do--release this small magazine broadcasting all their movies, with the entire month's schedule.  I remember seeing an announcement in the magazine that said "COMING IN THREE MONTHS... STAR WARS".  And I got jittery.  And the next month, "COMING IN TWO MONTHS... STAR WARS" and finally, "COMING NEXT MONTH... STAR WARS".   

I could barely stand it... if it was anything like "The Empire Strikes Back", I knew, even at barely 8 years old, I was about to see the most greatest bestest most coolest greatest awesomest movie I ever did saw.  And when it premiered on a Saturday night in July of 1983... well, I cannot prove this, but I would be willing to bet that I didn't blink for the entire two plus hours running time.  And that last scene, the Death Star battle scene?  I might have peed myself.

I would even ask my mum and pops to wake me up late at night, just so I could see the last scene of the movie, promising to go right back to sleep after the medals were awarded (they never woke me up). 

I remember watching it every time it came on, scouring that little HBO magazine for show times, and no matter what point in the movie it was in, I would start from there.  Vader boarding the rebel ship, or Luke on his landspeeder racing home to see Uncle Ben and Aunt Beru all dead and stuff, or Han Solo saying, "Great job kid!  Don't get cocky!".

So there is.  Fifteen movies that made an impact on my childhood, be it good (or bad)...

The Goonies (The Dave100 #99)

The Dave100 Introduction

Here's my 99th favorite movie of all time...

Who doesn't love "The Goonies"?  Who, circa 1986 to 1990, didn't want to live in Oregon, have an Asian friend who makes inventions that don't work, have a fat kid for a friend who likes to whine and lift up his shirt and dance (the truffle shuffle!), and have an older brother who chases after hot chicks like Andy (Kerri Green)? 

We all did. 

Quickly, for those of you who aren't familiar with the film, which might mean you are under 25 or just un-American, the film introduces us to a group of kids who call themselves The Goonies.  They are normal kids, one has asthma, one is overweight, one is the foriegn kid, one is the gross kid that can't keep his mouth shut, one is the girl that is only kinda cute but not really... and the area they live in is set to be purchased, with everyone forced out of their homes and moved away.  Smashcut to across town with a gang of jewel thieves and... well, here...



The Goonies embodies who we wanted to be as kids.  We wanted adventure, we wanted danger, we wanted to get ourselves into trouble yet save the day.  We wanted friends like Mouth (Corey Feldman) who stuck his tongue through the mouth of a painting and made a rude gesture.  We wanted friends like Data (John Quan), who couldn't say "booby traps" (booty traps!  that's what I says!  nobody get me!).  We wanted a cool girl like Stef (Martha Plimpton) to hang out with that we didn't even acknowledge as a girl, just as a cool friend. And we all wanted to be Mikey (Sean Astin), leading these friends into an adventure which leads to skeletons, caves, tunnels, being chased, and going down one heck of a waterslide to a buried pirate ship. 

Its an improbabl movie that when watched today just doesn't resonate with the kids of today.  Seems like in this world full of Facebook and XBoxes and 300 channels and 3D movies that cost 14 bucks, a movie that doesn't feature an hour of CGI effects and big name stars won't hold up as well.  And maybe I'm wrong, maybe there are a handful of kids out there that would love this film... but I know that when I was young--and now that I'm old--The Goonies is not just a film.  Its a group that I would love to be a part of.  No matter what troubles Corey Feldman may have, he'll always be able to say "I'm a Goonie". 

And what we wouldn't give to be able to say that. 

Ghost (The Dave100 #100)

The Dave100 Introduction

Let's start, shall we...

My 100th Favorite Film of All Time

"Ghost"
From 1990, its Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore starring in one of the greatest love stories of my lifetime.  The story is a simple one... Sam Wheat (Swayze) is murdered, and using the "special gift" by a fake-psychic Oda Mae (Whoopi Goldberg's Oscar winning role) he talks to and tries to protect his woman, Molly (Moore).

Sam's best mate turns out to be somewhat of a scoundral, and is played brilliantly by Tony Goldwyn.  The movie is best known for its revival, and planting into pop culture history (along with the Idol audition repetoire), of the song "Unchained Melody" by The Righteous Brothers, played while things are getting hot and heavy between Sam and Molly over a pottery wheel.  Somehow, though, between the turned-on'ed-ness of the pottery wheel and the part where they actually start making out, they get cleaned up... always bugged me.

I always thought that Demi Moore, while making short hair look beautiful, was the weakest link of the movie.  1990's Best Supporting Actress Race was a little tight, with Annette Bening's role in "The Grifters" being the frontrunner, though Lorraine Bracco's "Goodfellas" turn was also favored... and the Oscar went to Whoopi.  (also nominated was Diane Ladd for "Wild at Heart" and Mary McDonnell for "Dances with Wolves").  Having seen all five performances at one time or another, I could easily see Whoopi winning the Oscar, as Oda Mae Brown provides almost all of the comic relief.

  In this clip, Swayze does drop a little language, but its fantastic. 

Kinda feel like Whoopi could have had a better career, and perhaps she peaked with "Ghost", but it definately was a classic part.  Of course, when Ghost Sam jumps into Oda Mae's body to be with Molly, you see Sam's ghostlike image kissing Molly... but in real life, in the movie, it would be Oda Mae kissing... well, let's move on.  That part bothers me.

Something else that really struck me about this film was its depiction of Hell, or namely how you get to Hell.  Now, let's be real--I believe the Word of God, and I believe that no man gets to the Father except through the belief and acceptance of Jesus Christ, his mercy and his sacrifice of his life on a cross (John 14:6)... so the movie's premise that good people go to Heaven, bad people go to Hell is a little skewered (the Word also tells us that man is saved not by good works but by faith--Eph 2:8-9)...

...but when the bad guys die, you see the shadows come alive, groaning and wailing, and grab the bad guy, dragging them back into the shadows, presumably Hell.  To a 15 year old, it was kinda creepy and ubercool.

And the ending, of course, is just majestic.  He walks into what we are to assume is Heaven...

  I love you Molly.  I've always loved you.  (ditto).  It's amazing, Molly.  The love inside... you take it with you...  See ya.  (see ya). 

"Ghost" is a film I'll watch anytime it comes on.  Its rated PG-13 for medium language (no F-bombs, but a few others), some mild violence (Sam does get murdered, ya know), a make out scene over a pottery wheel... bring a hanky. 

(by the way, if anyone has seen my Mancard, please return it to The Cabana.  Thanks)

The Dave100 in 2010

They say that "Third time's a charm", so I guess we'll find out, as this is my third attempt at doing what I'm about to do... list my 100 favorite films of all time.  You'd think it would be just as easy to throw up a list online, give you 100 titles and say, "Here ya go", but you know me better than that... out of the thousands and thousands of movies that are out there, to pick out a single century's worth of films, list them as my personal best, well that takes not just effort but each one deserves more than just a mention in a list.

The first attempt at the list itself was August of 2007.  After an introduction, here's what was ranked that summer...
100. Primary Colors... 99) Airplane!... 98) Dogma... 97) Rocky III... 96) Black Dog... 95) Spaceballs... 94) Galaxy Quest... 93) Lethal Weapon... 92) The Rock...

Then I got into college football, got into Christmas, we bought a house and life continued as normal--busy.  Summer of 2008 rolled around, and I wrote a re-introduction to The Dave100, and continued with these: 
91) The 40-Year Old Virgin... 90) Pure Country... 89) Jerry Maguire... 88) Cars... 87) Philadelphia.... 86) The Breakfast Club... 85) Braveheart... 84) National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation... 83) Return of the Jedi ... 82) Breakdown... 81) Gung Ho...

Then I stopped.  First, I took a job with The Happiest Place in the Mall, and added with Starbucks, put me working about 55 hours per week.  I barely had time to blog anything else, much less movies.  Didn't see The Lovely Steph Leann for days at a time, tired alot, and of course, then came another season of college football.

And between last summer and this summer, I started looking at the list.  With the addition of HBO, Showtime, Starz and the like to our DirecTV (and now Dish Network) package, I was able to watch, and re-watch (and sometimes re-watch and re-watch and re-watch) some movies, and it helped me remember how great they are.  And sometimes, how they just don't hold up, telling me my memories of such films romanticize how good they were, when they actually aren't that great.  "Gung Ho" is a prime example of a movie that I've seen a dozen times, but when I thought about it, compared to other movies, it didn't hold up... so, it got dropped.  "The Negotiator" and even Pixar's "Cars" got the same treatment.
And because its now been a few years since I started, because of some of my rules, I am able to include movies that came out in 2007, whereas before, I couldn't.  What rules?  Simple...

First, the movie has to be at least 3 years old.  I've seen lots of stellar movies in the last few years, movies like "The Dark Knight", "Wall*E", "Up in the Air", "Up", "The Proposal" and "My Life in Ruins", movies that I really, really like, but they are still fairly new.  Either I haven't seen them enough to know if they'll stick with me, or they were released in the last year or so, and I can't make a good judgement on how well they will hold up. 

Case in point... "Sunshine Cleaning".  I loved this film when I first saw it, with my favorite actress Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, and raved about it.  It was, and is, a great, great film.  I watched it recently on cable, over a year since I'd seen it the first time.  And?  It was good.  Not great.  I saw a few problems with it, I saw a few scenes that I didn't like as well, and though I'm sure I'll watch it again, if only for Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, it wouldn't rank in my The Dave100 films. 

Secondly, have I seen it enough times to be familiar with it?  Can I describe it to someone in pretty good detail. 

Third, there are the intangibles... those things that about a movie that make it your own...  will I watch it when it comes on cable?  Now that I have something like 50 or more channels devoted to movies, be it premium cable or AMC, Turner Classic Movies and the like, will it catch my attention for a least a little bit?  Are there characters, scenes, lines that resonate with me?  Even if the movie isn't critically acclaimed, is it a movie I can have fun with, and can watch over and over? 

This is what The Dave100 is all about.  You may like my movie choices, you may love them, or you may tell me how incredibly bored you were with my selections (and my posts on them).  Or you can come up with a list of your own...  but, and I'm making no promises on how fast I can get it down, here are my favorite 100 movies of all time.

Pensacola Boobage (and other thoughts on the road)

Coming to you live from the Courtyard Marriott right by the water here in Pensacola...

Once a month, The Lovely Steph Leann has to come down here for work, and sometimes I come with her too--and tomorrow, we get up early and drive for mid-Florida.

The road trip here was uneventful...  she slept for much of it while I drove and caught up on Rush Limbaugh episodes, made good time on the trip.  The problem was, we were in a one-way rental from The Ham to here... and they gave us a great little Honda Civic.  Except whoever used it before was either one heckuva chain smoker or it had been a "smoker's car" for quite a while.  I have emphysema and The Lovely Steph Leann is already showing signs of Hodgkin's Lymphoma, but I think we'll be okay.  Almost feel like they said "this car stinks... get it off the lot... give to the two people who are dropping it off in Pensacola, they can have it..."

Went to Hemingway's tonight for dinner.  We are vacationing starting tomorrow--or tonight, even--with The Lovely Steph Leann's parents, Big Daddy Ron and Mama Ruthless, so we had some seafood.  The food was great, as usual, as I ate something called "trigger fish", whatever that is.  The calamari is amazing, as they cook it in this honey glaze sauce, and it would have been perfect except for the fact that I had to share it with not only The Lovely Steph Leann but Big Daddy Ron as well.  Then she got a slight bit snippy when I got a forkful of her lobster bisque.

Ended up at Wal-Mart.  Everyone does.

On the way back to the hotel, there was a slightly larger chick and a dude... well, I only saw them for a few seconds, but it was enough to know that his name was probably Ray or Bubba and her roots were showing through her dye job.  Anyway, as we drove up to them, I noticed they were hugging.  And then as we were passing by, I saw... a boob.  I don't know if she was mad at him and slapped him and he did it on purpose, or he just did it to be funny and she was hitting him in retaliation, but either way, her little blue top slipped down and her left babythirster dropped right out.  Saw it only for one single second, but it was enough for me to grimace, throw up in my mouth and shiver. Eew.   Like, seriously, eew.

The Cabana is getting an inside paint job.  We'll have some people over to the house to do our living room and our kitchen, and let me tell ya, paint is expensive.  I'm excited though, because since The Cabana was a spec house, the paint is a flat, dull latex.  That means if you just give the wall the stink eye, its going to smear and smudge.  We got something called "Duration", which I tested in the store.  I drew on it with a magic marker, though not a Sharpie (that would be the ultimate test), and wiped it off with water.  But its all still expensive.

We haven't hung anything on our walls yet, in the 29 months we've lived here.  I've said over and over, "The Lovely Steph Leann, lets go ahead and hang stuff on the walls now, so if you don't like it, we can take it down, spackle the hole, and hang it elsewhere.  When it gets painted for real, it will cover up the mistake."  I get the "yeah yeah", which means, "Yes, I know, we should do that, what a great idea my wonderful, good lookin' man!" but we haven't done it.  And that means that once stuff goes on the walls this time, its on the wall.  Done.  I'm not taking it down, I'm not repainting.

One of the worst things a guy can be asked is, "Which color looks better?"  Two colors, almost perfectly matched, one a little lighter than the other... my thoughts are simply, "Either way is fine."  When a guy says this, he usually means, "Either way is fine."  Which means, pick the lighter one, and its okay.  Pick the darker one, and its okay.  I'll be okay with this or that.  You didn't do some outlandish, freakish, gay rainbow color, you did this simple color and whatever you think looks good, go with it.

She forced my hand.  Finally, I went with the darker one.  And this weekend, the lighter one is being painted on our walls. Ah marriage.

So it's now 10:01pm here at the Pensacola Marriott.   The Dave100's 53rd ranked movie is on, and its a good time to crawl into the bed and get some sleep... we'll be up at blue:thirty to head out, down I-10, taking a right at I-75 and a left on the Florida turnpike. 

Yes, yes, its hot, I know this.  Try to get a report next week...

The Last Weekend (The Happiest Place Finale III)

People are always saying that change is a good thing. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened. My store is closing this week. I own a store, did I ever tell you that? It's a lovely store, and in a week it'll be something really depressing, like a Baby Gap. Soon, it'll be just a memory. In fact, someone, some foolish person, will probably think it's a tribute to this city, the way it keeps changing on you, the way you can never count on it, or something. I know because that's the sort of thing I'm always saying. But the truth is... I'm heartbroken. I feel as if a part of me has died, and my mother has died all over again, and no one can ever make it right.

This is the piece of dialogue that immediately came to mind from the very moment I heard Higher Up say those (un)magical words, "I'm here to tell you that your store is closing." Its a line from one of my top ten favorite movies of all time, "You've Got Mail". Kathleen Kelley's bookstore, "The Shop Around the Corner" has finally closed, mostly due to lack of business because of the recent opening of book megastore Fox Books. Kathleen is AOL IM'ing (remember, this is 1998, hence the name of the movie) NY152 with her story. I decided that when I wrote my last The Happiest Place in the Mall post, this would be the monologue I would lead with.

And that time is now.

THE FINAL WEEKEND
Our store is closed. During the final week, our store had a 40% off sale going those first few days, and on Monday, we began to empty walls. Mostly the back corners that weren't very visible from the front of the store. By week's end, the back walls of the store was empty. When I closed the store on Friday night, we had moved tables to block off the famed Plush Mountain and all that surrounded it.

On Saturday morning, Charlotta came in, as did Bo Peep and Hollipop, then Snow White.  Baloo and Grumpy joined us later.  And the store was open one final time. The crowd came in fast and furious, buying handfuls and armfuls and bagfuls of basketfuls of stuff, this time at an additional 75% off. Irena, a guest who I had known from previous visits, had purchases amassing over $400, but when the discount came in, her final bill was around $130.

Slowly but surely, all of the sweatshirts were on stage. Then were gone. All of the t-shirts were on stage. Then were bought. All of the Sharpay bedroom playsets were on stage. Then were bought. All of the Hannah Montana dolls, all of the Wall*E action figures, all of the mini-snowglobes... all on stage, then all gone.

By the end of the day, this was The Happiest Place in the Mall.  High School Musical water bottles, some Camp Rock picture frames and a few other things that are out of the pic.  This was taken right inside the doorway of the store.

The tables we were using to keep people from going towards the now empty back of the store were moving farther and farther to the center of the store. Snow White and I spent most of the morning pulling out cases of merchandise from backstage, unpacking it then putting it onstage, where much of it would be snatched up almost immediately.

HOLD THIS
One lady came to me, shoving a shirt, a few Cars notebooks and a Hannah Montana doll in my hand. The line was at least 20 people deep, wrapping around much of the store, and she asked me to hold the merchandise. I told her that we couldn't hold it, much like I had told Mom 1 and Mom 2, and that we just wouldn't... and she cut me off, saying she only needed 15 minutes, she needed to go meet someone, can we just hold it for 15 minutes, please please, and I said, "Fine. Fifteen minutes. And then it has to go back out."

So, a quarter of an hour later, maybe a little more, Charlotta calls to me from behind the box office... "d$! Please get this stuff out of here! I'm tripping all over it!" I said, "Yep" and I grabbed it. Before I could take two steps, a gentleman in line said, "I'll take those notebooks!" I nodded and handed them over. I put back the sweatshirt and the Hannah Montana doll. And of course, a few minutes later, the woman comes back in. I simply said, "I'm sorry ma'am, we had to put it back out." She huffed, she rolled her eyes and walked away. On a normal day, I would have been concerned--actually, on a normal day, we would have held the stuff for her--but today? Our last day of business... its gone. No concern. That sounds terrible, doesn't it? Sorry. Only a little. I was nice about, though.

Hollipop and Bo Peep worked feverishly ringing up merchandise for people, Charlotta was bagging stuff as quick as possible... the line grew and grew, with no end in sight. And after about four hours, the end was in sight. The front two walls had stuff on them, a few walls next to them did, a few tables had some items... and that was it. The store was coming to an end. Around 4pm, my time on the floor was done, and I clocked out.

I went into the bathroom, and I unbuttoned my red The Disney Store shirt for the final time. I took it off, laid it on a nearby shelf, and slipped on a t-shirt that I had brought. I gathered my bag, put in my iPod headphones and then slipped out.

THE FINAL DAY
The next day was clean up/party day. I came in around 1pm, helped take down the shelving units that for 21 years had been filled to the rafters with Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Handy Manny, Lizzie Maguire, Aladdin, The Lion King and more. In fact, Lion King stuff was what The Lovely Steph Leann got when she stopped by there in 2003 as part of her engagement day/scavenger hunt.

The shelving was down, I went into the now empty big room that was the stage, with all the empty fixtures shoved off to the side, the empty shelves on the walls collecting dust. The computers were turned off, the black screen of plastic over the main gates and windows. Outside we could even hear some people--kids too--wondering what happened, wondering why The Disney Store was there.

(My buddy Langer just sent me a FB chat message that said 'Hey... my daughter and I went by to see the abyss that was The Happiest Place...')

This past weekend, my friend The Freckled (Re)Becca told me she and her hubby, Bobowen, went by the mall, and some small child was standing in front of The Emptiest Place in the Mall, wailing loudly because he couldn't understand why he couldn't go in. I told The Freckled (Re)Becca that the kid should have gone and wailed in front of the mall manager's office. But... we'll get to that.

Let me finish the weekend... Sunday afternoon, I got ready for the closing party that night, working on things like trivia questions, setting up a prize wall we had for the Cast Members, helping the Magical Manager get ready for what she had planned... around 4:30, the Cast began to show up, one by one. Fauna, Flora, Merriweather. Snow White. Lady Kluck. Bo Peep (featured with me in the pic above). Hollipop. Charlotta. Baloo.  Grumpy.  Dinner. Pictures. Prizes. Videos. Trivia. Games. Memories. And... goodbyes.

THE REALITY OF IT ALL

Let's be real. I'd love to tell you I'll keep up with all of these people, these that I shared 40+ hours per week with for almost two years. I'd love to say that I'll be meeting them for lunch, or Facebooking or calling or whatever... but we all know that tends to go by the wayside as time goes by. People took other jobs, or are back in school, or are retiring, or are just staying at home with kids now... so when I say "goodbyes", I mean it for the most part. Perhaps not completely, but mostly. I'm under no illusions that I'll ever see at least half of these people again. Because that's what happens when the job you love ends. No, not there yet, just be patient.

After the party was over, I met up with Snow White and Hollipop at Sonic, where we enjoyed a few more laughs before saying goodbye again. Afterwards, I got in my car and drove back to The Cabana. The Lovely Steph Leann had already left for a weeklong business trip in Thomaston, GA, so I was alone. In the quiet of my home, I sat on my couch, not turning on the interweb, not turning on the television, not even turning on the iPod... I just sat quietly. I sighed, leaned back and just sat for a few minutes.

And, around 11am or so on Monday morning, I drove up to the Galleria parking lot, parked and walked into the back door of The Happiest Place in the Mall. I said hello to the Magical Manager and on the desk, I laid my Silver Pass (re: admission pass), the Silver Pass held by The Lovely Steph Leann, my Disney ID Card and my store key. And then... I left.

It was over. I was no longer employed by The Walt Disney Company.

Originally, this post here was to be much longer, but I realized it was too long, and would be better served by breaking this final Happiest Place post into 2 parts...  because its already written, its still one post--just in two parts.  Well, okay, its two posts, but the same column.  What I mean is... uh... okay... 

So, check back tomorrow when you'll get the answer to the question "Why did you close?" and "What's next?", or at least the answer I can give you...