Sometimes our church, Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), has some bad ideas. Sometimes they throw some things out there, and we all sit back and say, "Wow. That didn't work, did it?"
And then again, sometimes our church, Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), has some great ideas. Some ideas, that when put forth are just knocked out of the ballpark. And FAN Day was one of them...
FAN stands for "Friends And Neighbors" Day, where we could invite... well, our friends and neighbors... to come out to our church, Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), get to know us, get to know our pastor, and see what we have to offer... namely, Jesus, but there's more too.
Siran Stacy spoke at our church. He's a former star for the University of Alabama--incidentally, they have 13 national championships, just in case you didn't know--in the years '89 to '91, and hails from Geneva, Alabama, which is 8 miles from my own home in Samson, Alabama.
In late 2007, he was driving a van with his wife and kids, and was struck by a drunk driver. The drunk driver was killed, as was Stacy's wife, and four of his five children. Stacy and his daughter Shelley survived, after both spent time in a coma.
When Siran Stacy hit that stage, you knew Jesus was up in this hizzy. I mean, Siran brought it. Let's be clear, I like Calvin Kelly... he's been my pastor for 12 years, really the only true pastor I've ever known--mine own church history is another blog for another day--but every now and then, a little color on our stage is great. Maybe once a month or two, toss up some Antjuan Marsh, or let's catch Voddie Bochum as he's coming through town...
Anyway, Siran was a dynamic speaker, preaching on how God dealt with Ezekiel in the Old Testament, and relating it to how he dealt with his own losses.
And afterwards, we all went out to our tailgate parties. Each Sunday School Life Connection had a little parcel of the parking lot, and each was responsible for grilling and serving up their own food, putting out their own chairs and tables, and making it as tailgatey as possible.
I told one of the higher ups in our church, Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), that next year we need to present a trophy to the best tailgate presentation, maybe keep that trophy in the church with class names engraved on it year after year. And of course, I only say that because of what we had....
We had Justin Fisher, about seven grills, a bunch of experienced grillers grilling on those grills, banana pudding, some little chocolate brownie balls that I had about fourteen of, all 9 of Chad & Amanda Campbell's kids, a tent, cornhole, Willis in a green The U shirt, an RV and Heather Whitley. We win.
Here are some pictures from FAN Day.
Here is Mr. Steven Ray's Day and Mrs. Steven Ray's Mom, helping set up the big, fat buffet of cholesterol, sugar and high fructose corn syrup, along with the ribs and lettuce. We rule.
Sitting and waiting to eat, The Freckled (re)Becca. Her beau, Bobowen, is around here somewhere.
Jonathan Taylor, preparing the roast beast, the roast beast for the Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) Tailgate feast.
The Lovely Steph Leann and our friend Heather, who's husband is away this weekend on drill and keeping our country safe. U-S-A! U-S-A!
Tootie Watkins, with his gloves on, cooking up some burgers, while others, including Steven Ray, gnaws on some ribs
I'm sure that the pastors and leaders of the church stopped by several booths, but we had a ton of people who aren't in our own Life Connection class stop by ours. Again, this lends to the assumption that we, in fact, had the best set up. I will say there was a circus tent that had a "JESUS FOR HEISMAN" sign, but in order to one-up them, we went out and got Alissa Thornell. We win again.
When Justin Fisher rolls down the halls of Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), little Will Fisher will run out to meet him, and he will yell, and I quote, "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" I can only hope that Campbell Isaiah will dig his dad as much as Will Fisher digs his old man. Little Will puts his hand on Daddy JustFish's chair, and this is how they roll.
Calah Ray, correctly pronounced Cah-lah Rah, shows the excitement, yet exhaustion of the day
Jon Taylor and Heather Whitley view the food options, while again, Steven Ray looks on in the background. I think he was searching out the camera.
Emmy Turnbow, making a Not Emmy Turnbow Safe Face of Disapproval at her maler half, Jason
If you are on Facebook, you can search me up and look at all the pictures from FAN Day... I'm keeping them available for "Everyone" to see for a few days, then I'll take 'em down to "Friends Only" viewing. Then you'll have to be my friend to see them... Membership has its privileges.
People are always saying that change is a good thing. But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened. My store is closing this week. I own a store, did I ever tell you that? It's a lovely store, and in a week it'll be something really depressing, like a Baby Gap. Soon, it'll be just a memory. In fact, someone, some foolish person, will probably think it's a tribute to this city, the way it keeps changing on you, the way you can never count on it, or something. I know because that's the sort of thing I'm always saying. But the truth is... I'm heartbroken. I feel as if a part of me has died, and my mother has died all over again, and no one can ever make it right.
This is the piece of dialogue that immediately came to mind from the very moment I heard Higher Up say those (un)magical words, "I'm here to tell you that your store is closing." Its a line from one of my top ten favorite movies of all time, "You've Got Mail". Kathleen Kelley's bookstore, "The Shop Around the Corner" has finally closed, mostly due to lack of business because of the recent opening of book megastore Fox Books. Kathleen is AOL IM'ing (remember, this is 1998, hence the name of the movie) NY152 with her story. I decided that when I wrote my last The Happiest Place in the Mall post, this would be the monologue I would lead with.
And that time is now.
THE FINAL WEEKEND Our store is closed. During the final week, our store had a 40% off sale going those first few days, and on Monday, we began to empty walls. Mostly the back corners that weren't very visible from the front of the store. By week's end, the back walls of the store was empty. When I closed the store on Friday night, we had moved tables to block off the famed Plush Mountain and all that surrounded it.
On Saturday morning, Charlotta came in, as did Bo Peep and Hollipop, then Snow White. Baloo and Grumpy joined us later. And the store was open one final time. The crowd came in fast and furious, buying handfuls and armfuls and bagfuls of basketfuls of stuff, this time at an additional 75% off. Irena, a guest who I had known from previous visits, had purchases amassing over $400, but when the discount came in, her final bill was around $130.
Slowly but surely, all of the sweatshirts were on stage. Then were gone. All of the t-shirts were on stage. Then were bought. All of the Sharpay bedroom playsets were on stage. Then were bought. All of the Hannah Montana dolls, all of the Wall*E action figures, all of the mini-snowglobes... all on stage, then all gone.
By the end of the day, this was The Happiest Place in the Mall. High School Musical water bottles, some Camp Rock picture frames and a few other things that are out of the pic. This was taken right inside the doorway of the store.
The tables we were using to keep people from going towards the now empty back of the store were moving farther and farther to the center of the store. Snow White and I spent most of the morning pulling out cases of merchandise from backstage, unpacking it then putting it onstage, where much of it would be snatched up almost immediately.
HOLD THIS One lady came to me, shoving a shirt, a few Cars notebooks and a Hannah Montana doll in my hand. The line was at least 20 people deep, wrapping around much of the store, and she asked me to hold the merchandise. I told her that we couldn't hold it, much like I had told Mom 1 and Mom 2, and that we just wouldn't... and she cut me off, saying she only needed 15 minutes, she needed to go meet someone, can we just hold it for 15 minutes, please please, and I said, "Fine. Fifteen minutes. And then it has to go back out."
So, a quarter of an hour later, maybe a little more, Charlotta calls to me from behind the box office... "d$! Please get this stuff out of here! I'm tripping all over it!" I said, "Yep" and I grabbed it. Before I could take two steps, a gentleman in line said, "I'll take those notebooks!" I nodded and handed them over. I put back the sweatshirt and the Hannah Montana doll. And of course, a few minutes later, the woman comes back in. I simply said, "I'm sorry ma'am, we had to put it back out." She huffed, she rolled her eyes and walked away. On a normal day, I would have been concerned--actually, on a normal day, we would have held the stuff for her--but today? Our last day of business... its gone. No concern. That sounds terrible, doesn't it? Sorry. Only a little. I was nice about, though.
Hollipop and Bo Peep worked feverishly ringing up merchandise for people, Charlotta was bagging stuff as quick as possible... the line grew and grew, with no end in sight. And after about four hours, the end was in sight. The front two walls had stuff on them, a few walls next to them did, a few tables had some items... and that was it. The store was coming to an end. Around 4pm, my time on the floor was done, and I clocked out.
I went into the bathroom, and I unbuttoned my red The Disney Store shirt for the final time. I took it off, laid it on a nearby shelf, and slipped on a t-shirt that I had brought. I gathered my bag, put in my iPod headphones and then slipped out.
THE FINAL DAY The next day was clean up/party day. I came in around 1pm, helped take down the shelving units that for 21 years had been filled to the rafters with Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Handy Manny, Lizzie Maguire, Aladdin, The Lion King and more. In fact, Lion King stuff was what The Lovely Steph Leann got when she stopped by there in 2003 as part of her engagement day/scavenger hunt.
The shelving was down, I went into the now empty big room that was the stage, with all the empty fixtures shoved off to the side, the empty shelves on the walls collecting dust. The computers were turned off, the black screen of plastic over the main gates and windows. Outside we could even hear some people--kids too--wondering what happened, wondering why The Disney Store was there.
(My buddy Langer just sent me a FB chat message that said 'Hey... my daughter and I went by to see the abyss that was The Happiest Place...')
This past weekend, my friend The Freckled (Re)Becca told me she and her hubby, Bobowen, went by the mall, and some small child was standing in front of The Emptiest Place in the Mall, wailing loudly because he couldn't understand why he couldn't go in. I told The Freckled (Re)Becca that the kid should have gone and wailed in front of the mall manager's office. But... we'll get to that.
Let me finish the weekend... Sunday afternoon, I got ready for the closing party that night, working on things like trivia questions, setting up a prize wall we had for the Cast Members, helping the Magical Manager get ready for what she had planned... around 4:30, the Cast began to show up, one by one. Fauna, Flora, Merriweather. Snow White. Lady Kluck. Bo Peep (featured with me in the pic above). Hollipop. Charlotta. Baloo. Grumpy. Dinner. Pictures. Prizes. Videos. Trivia. Games. Memories. And... goodbyes.
THE REALITY OF IT ALL
Let's be real. I'd love to tell you I'll keep up with all of these people, these that I shared 40+ hours per week with for almost two years. I'd love to say that I'll be meeting them for lunch, or Facebooking or calling or whatever... but we all know that tends to go by the wayside as time goes by. People took other jobs, or are back in school, or are retiring, or are just staying at home with kids now... so when I say "goodbyes", I mean it for the most part. Perhaps not completely, but mostly. I'm under no illusions that I'll ever see at least half of these people again. Because that's what happens when the job you love ends. No, not there yet, just be patient.
After the party was over, I met up with Snow White and Hollipop at Sonic, where we enjoyed a few more laughs before saying goodbye again. Afterwards, I got in my car and drove back to The Cabana. The Lovely Steph Leann had already left for a weeklong business trip in Thomaston, GA, so I was alone. In the quiet of my home, I sat on my couch, not turning on the interweb, not turning on the television, not even turning on the iPod... I just sat quietly. I sighed, leaned back and just sat for a few minutes.
And, around 11am or so on Monday morning, I drove up to the Galleria parking lot, parked and walked into the back door of The Happiest Place in the Mall. I said hello to the Magical Manager and on the desk, I laid my Silver Pass (re: admission pass), the Silver Pass held by The Lovely Steph Leann, my Disney ID Card and my store key. And then... I left.
It was over. I was no longer employed by The Walt Disney Company.
Originally, this post here was to be much longer, but I realized it was too long, and would be better served by breaking this final Happiest Place post into 2 parts... because its already written, its still one post--just in two parts. Well, okay, its two posts, but the same column. What I mean is... uh... okay...
So, check back tomorrow when you'll get the answer to the question "Why did you close?" and "What's next?", or at least the answer I can give you...
70. Four Christmases "I'll tell you what movie I couldn't believe was only PG-13 and not Rated R!" Cindy Warner proclaimed at our latest KidStuf practice. "What, Role Models?" I asked, thinking how in the world Cindy Warner would be caught that that film, then remembering it was actually Rated R. "No!" she exclaimed. "Four Christmases!!" Hannah Pruitt, the coolest person I know, leaned over and said, "Whatever. I loved it." Then we high fived.
Its a contrived plot that relys on the strength of its leads and Vince Vaughn definately does his end of the job. He's one of the funniest guys out there.
Reese Witherspoon is one of those actresses that I keep forgetting 1) how talented she is, and 2) how hot she is. She shouldn't be hot, either, she's got this weird goofy grin thing going on, along the same lines that has made me never find Julia Roberts attractive... and yet, somehow she is.
Reese is funny in this movie. She's been funnier, though, as seen in "Election", one of the most wickedly funny movies ever, and even "Sweet Home Alabama". Avoid anything that has a number after "Legally Blonde", though.Anyway, they play a couple who, since both comes from divorced homes, somehow avoid visiting the four different families they'd have to see on Christmas Day. Through a pretty clever set of circumstances, however, they are forced to do just that very thing... the parents are great, played by Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek, Jon Voight and Mary Steenbergen, all four Oscar winners. Dwight Yoakam also has one heck of a funny cameo too (I didn't even spot him at first).
And Jon Favreau is at his stupid best--anytime the words "Dry Humping" and "screensaver" can me included in the same dialogue, it makes for high comedy.
70A. Reese Witherspoon Granted, one funny, good movie does not an appearance on the 100 Coolest Things necessarily warrant.
Let's welcome Reese Witherspoon, this year's inductee into The Ashley Judd Club. Reese, you can have a seat over there next to Kate Winslet and Debra Messing.
I wrote about three Reese movies to check out, naming "Election", "Man in the Moon" and "Walk the Line". Since we're on the subject, I wanted to give you a couple more Reese movies to check out:
"Pleasantville"... a flick that was in serious contention for The Dave100 (that being my 100 favorite films of all time). She's charming, she's funny, she's hot and its also worth a look at a young Toby Maguire and former That-Guy William H. Macy, and late That Guy Hall of Famer JT Walsh (in his final film) "Sweet Home Alabama"... I debated on this for a while, trying to decide whether to recommend this film or the equally cheesy "Legally Blonde". After some careful decision (re: deciding which I'd watch if they were the only two movies on television), I chose this one. Its just fun, plus a bonus for The Lovely Steph Leann, it stars Colin Firth Club member Patrick Dempsey. "American Psycho/Cruel Intentions"... Honestly... as a Christ Follower, I cannot recommend either of these films. As a movie fan, I can recommend either one of them. Don't watch them. but if you do, Reese is marvelous in both.
69. truTV Oh, talk about a guilty pleasure. For someone who is a fan of "World's Wildest (insert authoritative group here) Chase Videos" and crap like that, this channel is like manna from heaven. Seriously... here's a story I shared last April:
Once, while actually in Panama City, I was about to head out of the hotel room to enjoy the sunshine of a 75 degree day. One of those shows was on, and I ended up sitting down and watching it. Drew Morris came in. He started watching it. Shawn Sharp walked in, and he too was caught. Another guy came in, and was sucked in. So, at the worlds most beautiful beaches, on a nice 75 degree day, when there are scantily clad Christian girls outside in inappropriate bikinis (this was a churchy type retreat, complete with Valdmanis), and there are four guys, watching two hours of "World's Wildest Police Chases".
And those shows? They were on CourTV. Which, as of January 1st, 2008, became truTV. The channel not only shows Cops over and over (still waiting for the Bucky Covington sighting), it boasts progams like "Maui Chopper", "Speeders", "Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock Hotel" and "Carribean Cops", its a cornucopia of videos, stupid criminals, stupid drivers and drunk folks. Plus, its website features "The Dumb Blog", a listing of the dumbest criminals of the week, which tells of this guy:
Wearing a ski mask, Frank Goldshtein politely waited in line for his turn to rob the bank, according to police in Stow, OH. Ten minutes later, the jig was up when Goldshtein crashed his car in a yard and cops recovered the stolen loot, the ski mask and the toy gun he allegedly used to extract the cash from the teller.
Its not reality. Its actuality.
68. The Crap Trap with The Lovely Steph Leann One of the favorite things I love to do is eat, and one of the even more favorite things is to eat at great places with my lovely wife, The Lovely Steph Leann. And one of the best places we've eaten in the last while is The Crab Trap. Located down close to Sandestin, Florida, its this big seafood dive that has lots of shrimp, fish, lobster and of course, crab legs. Lots of crab legs.
And for an hour, that's what we feasted on, splitting a King Crab plate and big dish of some sort of crab dip, with crab, cream cheese, seasoning and chips. Fantastic food. I am still slightly full.
67. I.O. Metro One day, I was at The Happiest Place in the Mall, when who should stop by but Bobowen. He and his wife, The Freckled Becca, were hosting an "open house" across the way at Patton Creek, where he was managing a new store called I.O. Metro. I had no clue what this even was, but heck, Bobowen and The Freckled Becca are good friends and I wanted to support them, so we went.
And it was the neatest thing... I didn't have a clue what I.O. Metro even was, but of course, being the hip chick that The Lovely Steph Leann is, she knew. Its a big furniture store, full of accessories, home items and so forth. That, of course, led to The War of the Table, which wasn't the best night in the world (which, by the way, The War of the Table had its own Appomattix moment when, last week, we actually got a table--that's for later, though) but overall, it was neat to see such a big store, and such a big accomplishment for Bobowen. And The Freckled Becca is just precious.
MERRY CHRISTMAS! Wow! Where does the time go? It’s weird—it seems like only yesterday that I flipped by for my weekly Peabo Bryson fix, and instead of hearing “Tonight I Celebrate My Love,” I heard something else entirely. I checked the calendar, thinking “Surely it isn’t time for ‘I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas’ already,” and sure enough, there it was: September 4, letting me know that you had already switched over to Christmas music and were prepared to pepper my ears with the same eight songs incessantly for the next four months!
I should begin by saying that you’re not likely to find a bigger fan of Christmas (or, incidentally, Peabo Bryson) than me. I start walking around Hobby Lobby in mid-July looking for ornaments and tinsel. And I don’t even use ornaments and tinsel. I just like to walk around the store holding them. I invented the “dirt angel.” I spray myself with aerosol snow. I really love Christmas. So this is my season. This is it for me. And, you know, there are some things that are hard to screw up. Ice cream comes to mind, and sugar cookies and Helen Keller jokes and Pixar movies.
Christmas is one of these things. I could spend Christmas in a Malaysian prison and I’d pretty much enjoy myself. But listening to your radio station—listening to the same eight songs you put on repeat—makes me want to burn my tree. It makes me want to pour out the Salvation Army bucket and bang Santa over the head with it, then pick up all the change and throw it at animals. Every year, my love for Christmas makes me think maybe—maybe—I should give you another try, and every year you ruin Christmas for me.
So, you should know that I hate you. But don’t get me wrong! I don’t necessarily hate Christmas music; I just hate what you do with it. You know what? I want to be in on your production meetings, if you have them. I want to be there when the station manager says the words, “I don’t know, I just really think people want to hear ‘Run, Run Rudolph’ by the Jackson 5,” and I want to throw a dry erase marker at him. Seriously. How much Burl Ives does a person need? My rule is that one Burl Ives song holds me over for 10 years. In the last week, you have played enough Burl Ives to cover not only my life, but the prison sentences for OJ Simpson (33 years), Vinson Filyaw (421 years), and Charles Manson (life, no parole).
Did you know that Bruce Springsteen, Michael Buble and James Taylor have all released Christmas albums? I’m not being sarcastic; I’m seriously telling you because I honestly think you think that Christmas music stopped being recorded around 1971. But it didn’t. That’s the thing; we don’t have to listen to Aaron Neville. Get on iTunes sometime. There is a whole other world out there you need to be listening to.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Also, as the only radio station in Birmingham that plays non-stop Christmas music, thank you for being a shining example of the precarious dangers of monopoly power and why we should always fight against it.
Actually anticipating the return to Michael Bolton,
Scott
Scotty... this one is for you...
(somehow, Scotty has gotten a dozen mentions these last few weeks. Too bad the Pruitt Award winners have already been decided--Scotty might pick one up next year.)
65. "Nature Girl" by Carl Hiaasen It's not a secret that I am totally anti-manmade global warming, in the sense that I don't believe its manmade (neither does most of the world) but also I'm not a fan of books, movies and shows that end up having a "We Americans are destoying our planet. We suck" theme. See "Still, The Day the Earth Stood" and "Happening, The". Or better yet, don't.
Carl Hiaasen is a native Floridian who has written a ton of books, mostly set in his home state, and many times dealing with enviromental issues. Its a credit to him, though, that he doesn't delve into the "we suck" mentality. He just tells his story, and give somes good "hey, take care of our planet" wisdom and tells a nice story. "Nature Girl" is just such a story.
His characters are goofy--Boyd, a scam artist, Sammy Tigertail, a Seminole who is trying to hide from a dead guy who he didn't kill, and the books ingenue, Honey Santana, a oddball chick who sets out to punish Boyd after he insults her on the phone. Its not a serious book, its almost a ridiculous... well, no, it IS a ridiculous story, but credit Hiaasen on making it enjoyable all the same. If ever there were a novel to define "beach read", this would be it.
64. "Over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole No, I can't pronounce his name. No, I don't know anything about the guy. What I do know, though is this is a great tune. Combining "Over the Rainbow" with The Great Satchmo's classic "What a Wonderful World", its soft, done on the ukelele, and classic.
Of course, what brought it to just about everyone's attention--besides the countless times its been in commercials, movies and TV shows--is earlier in the year when Jason Castro, "The Dreadlocked One", performed it (brilliantly I might add) on American Idol. Over a dozen plays on my iPod this year puts on the list...
I'll be completely honest. When I googled Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, I was not imagining this guy. Apparently, he's a Hawaiian music legend, so much so that when he died in 1997, the Hawaiian state flag flew at half-mast.
63. Troy Over Florida International My best mate Wookiee called me up, telling me of the extra tickets he had for the October 18th bout between the two college football powerhouses, Troy (my alma mater) and Florida Int'l. I said I was in--it fell on a rare Saturday that I was free from The Happiest Place in the Mall. We made some phone calls, seeing who else was interested, and Matt Halpert and J Rob decided they would join us... J Rob them punked out.
So, Wookiee, Matt and myself proceeded down to Troy, Alabama, stopping at Crowe's Chicken along the way for dinner, and then to the game. It was a blast. Troy won 33-23, and it was fun hanging out with Wook-Fu and the incredibly dry-witted Matt, who had never attended many college games--he's an NFL enthusiest from Houston, so all he has are the Texans and Rockets. And Astros, but he doesn't talk much about them.
62. WarGames II: Nuclear Wastelands December 29th, 2008. The warriors came. Tyler. Zack. Danny. Pinkerton. Young Garrett. For a brief time, Papa Ron Campbell. Yours Truly. They chose their armies, we surrounded the battlefield, we rolled the dice. First, it was the mission game. Every five minutes, a country was nuked. Every 300 seconds that went by, another army was destroyed. Danny emerged victorious from the warm-up.
The elder Campbell couldn't handle the pressure. The big game was at hand. The armies moved. The dice rolled. The cards were earned. Now every 20 minutes, a country fell at the hands of the Nuclear Option. Tyler fortified, then was cut off, in Australia. Young Garrett took over Europe. With Danny owning South America, and Zack taking much of Asia, Pinkerton had little chance and was eliminated. Yours Truly had no hope, buried in South Africa.
And yet, then Young Garrett, ever unreliable, fell. Tyler was the next to fall, Zack then went down. Danny and Yours Truly had only to eliminate each other--Danny in his first WarGames, Yours Truly hoping for a back-to-back win, having won WG I. And suddenly, the Nuclear Option mattered more than ever, striking Danny twice in key areas, leaving Yours Truly enough life to amass a legion, to strike fast and to finally dominate. And Yours Truly is WarGames Master once again.
Geeks, nerds and dorks of the world, rejoice.
61. "Death Race" with Mikey If you are standing in the welfare line, and with President Elect Obama set to take charge in a matter of days, you might be soon, and you ask for cheese, they give you the block. If you ask for butter, they give you the block of butter. If you ask for Bruce Willis, they give you... Jason Statham.
Imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit (aren't they always), he's forced to compete in a television game show where criminals race each other in death machines, with the winner having a chance to go free. There's the corrupt warden (Joan Allen), the angry black man (Tyrese Gibson), the hot chick (Natalie Martinez), the older, wise sage (Ian McShane) and of course, the crazy foreigner (Max Ryan). But all that doesn't matter.
What does matter is how terrible this movie was. How terrible, and yet, how Craptastic. Absolutely Craptastic. The plot is lousy, the action is predictable and repetitive, the deaths are kind of unimaginative, but the whole movie tosses together makes for an entertaining night, at least with the right person.
Enter Mikey, who, like myself, share a love and appreciation for Craptistical Films. We saw this movie at the dollar theater in town, which made it much better--"The Punisher: War Zone" might have been salvagable had I only paid $1 instead of $9 for it.
Coming Up... For Better or For Worse restarts, The Official Troy State Crush returns and... you're doing what to Matt Damon???
Stop me if you've heard this one... or been there...
On February 28th, 2009, I will celebrate my 5th year of marriage to The Lovely Steph Leann, 5 years of fun, 5 years of romance, 5 years of movies, 5 years of music, 5 years of laughter... and yes, 5 years of such bitter disputes that perhaps there is no compromise. Dave! There's always a compromise. Yeah, there is... one of us says, "Screw it, I don't care."
While working today at The Happiest Place in the Mall, a buddy of mine dropped by--Bobowen, husband of The Freckled Becca... I call her this only in love, as I think her freckles are adorable, lest you think I'm taking a dig at her--I personally think she's a beautiful girl, but I'd never tell her that. So keep it between us, 'k? But on Clouds in My Coffee, we all get fun names, don't we?
Anyway, Bobowen used to manage a TJ Maxx, and has now moved over and taken on the opening of a new store in town, IO Metro. Bobowen told me that I should stop by after work to see the grand opening, and I texted The Lovely Steph Leann and let her know we should do that very thing. She texted back, called me later, then texted again for me to come home and meet her at The Cabana, and we'll go get dinner and visit the new store.
I did, passing Lil Sister Ashley along the way in her vehicle, Barney, and met The Lovely Steph Leann here. We got into her car and drove back to the Patton Creek Shopping Center, where we pulled up and parked in front of this huge Pier One type furniture & accessory shop. I was surprised, I thought it would be one of those boutiques stuck into a corner somewhere, but no, its a pretty big place. Its a furniture place. The Lovely Steph Leann, being 1043% more cultured in this stuff, knew this. I didn't.
We go in, and are greeted warmly by The Freckled Becca and Bobowen, and The Lovely Steph Leann and I start touring the place... well, she does, I actually head straight for the refreshment table, where they are serving a cheese plate with four or five different cheeses (one of them was pink... not sure how that happens, but it was good) and a bowl of crackers, and next to it, the cookie table, which I didn't touch, but just glanced at. Right.
Now, we've been in The Cabana since February 8th of this year, and after living in the apartment--The Casa de Pesos--for almost four years, between the two of us we have acquired most of what we needed furniture wise... well, let me rephrase that--for almost four years, she's had the time to acquire most of what we needed furniture wise while slowly getting rid of what she didn't like of mine. But that's marriage, right?
We were blessed to have some money to furnish our home with when we moved in, much of which we've used on various things like housewares, a futon for our guest room (a good, sleepable futon, not one of those cheap, board in your back futons from Wal-Mart), desks, lamps, and other small things we've needed. We still want to toss up a backsplash in our kitchen (mind you, before The Cabana, I didn't even really know the concept of a 'backsplash') and get some shelving done in our attic closet we've turned into a bonus room and so on and so forth.
The two glaring things that I think we need, and I'm guessing that The Lovely Steph Leann would put them at the top of her list, include a living room rug and a dining room table. And of course, chairs to go with the table. We both agree we need to have our living room painted--her because she doesn't like the neutral color we currently have on our walls, and me because the sooner we can get the room painted, the sooner we can start putting stuff actually on our walls. And she eventually wants a hutch or a china cabinet to hold the china.
Well, we work our way around the store and actually find the rugs... and actually find a rug we both like. Once again, we want them for different reasons--The Lovely Steph Leann wants a living room rug that will accent our pillows, go with our couches and give more life to our living room... I want a living room rug because I am tired of tossing down cloth mats on the hardwoods to put my tv trays when I'm eating in this room, or I'm blogging here. Currently, my laptop sits on a tv tray that is sitting on what I only can suppose is a pink bathmat rug. The bottoms of the trays are rounded, which means that little felt thingies on the bottom won't work--they fall off. We've tried it.
But, we found one we like. And this is a major break through. Because up until this very moment, I'm not sure we ever found one we both liked. And then, a few minutes later, we a dining room table we both liked... two, in face. A rectangle and a square one. The price is good. The look is good. This night might be golden. Bobowen is happy for us. The Freckled Becca is ecstatic, not just because we might be purchasing a big ticket item, but because she's frequented The Cabana, so she knows what needs we have.
We talk to a few of the sales people, and one of them makes a solid case for getting a square table instead of a rectangular one, a case so good that I'm now going square all the way--mind you, our friends Sammi C and Paulie Walnuts have a high table in their apartment, with high barstool-type chairs, and I love this, but The Lovely Steph Leann doesn't care for this very much.
I've also seen a square table in another store that I promised The Freckled Becca I wouldn't go to--it sounds like "Nashley Burniture"--with chairs and a bench on the backside. I am very pro this style, but The Lovely Steph Leann isn't crazy about it.
You have to know The Lovely Steph Leann... she lets you know pretty quickly when she likes something and when she doesn't. And she hasn't liked any of my table choices... for me, though, when it comes to furniture, I'd pretty much go along with whatever, I just know what I don't like. I mean, I know what I think is ugly, but sometimes my answer is just "that's fine", and it means just that very thing. I don't love it. I don't hate it. I feel as if it would serve my table needing purposes just fine, and I find it agreeable. Go with it.
So back at the store, we've toured the store twice now, and I think we've settled on a rug, and I am pretty sure The Lovely Steph Leann is leaning toward this table we like. The chairs are an additional expense, but I tell her, "Ya know what, we buy two tonight. Maybe three. Maybe one. Whatever. Anyway, every month or two, we buy another one. After six, eight months, we have the entire set." She nods agreeingly. This is great!
And to top it off, we're actually looking at hutches. We are checking out china cabinets. I say, "You know, I think its funny that the dishes we use all the time are piled up, various colors and randomly, in a closed cabinet, hidden away, but the dishes that we never use have to be put into a thousand dollar cabinet, for the world to see."
The Lovely Steph Leann gave me a look.
(This is where all the guys nod their heads and say "Yeah, brother!" and all the chicks shake their heads and say, "You're really stupid, and you just don't get it.")
I'm doing the math in my head (and the cabinet we are looking at doesn't cost a thousand bucks, lest you think we're rolling in the dough--we aren't) and I know we can't get all the things we've looked at. I even make the declaration, "If you want the rug and the table, we can get the cabinet too. We'll pay more than what we've got for house money, but the extra can come out of Christmas fundage--this will be your Christmas present. A new china cabinet." I'm feeling pretty good about myself, by the way.
Bobowen comes over, we chat for a little while, then The Freckled Becca comes over, and she's telling us how much she loves the table and rug we've discussed purchasing. I glance over, and The Lovely Steph Leann is holding her small calculator that she keeps in her purse... she's doing math too. We walk over and sit down, and begin to discuss the parameters of what we might spend and how to make it work...
The table and the hutch, no rug? The table, the rug, all 6 chairs? The table, two chairs and the hutch? What about the hutch and the rug only?
And then... its like... its like I saw it coming... I mean, I knew it was coming, but the process had started before I could stop it. Perhaps my guard let down, because I was excited that we might have a dining room table--remember, I lived at The Deuce with four guys... I've never owned a dining room table, especially not one this nice and this cool. And its a cool table. With cool chairs. And we both like it.
But... somewhere... it just... it just started...
The Lovely Steph Leann began to talk herself out of all of it.
It begins with an expression on her face. One of just, "Hmm... is this what I want to do...?" Then, its followed by something like, "Well... we could just... not do anything tonight..." And by this time, by the time the expression and the words come so close, its over. There is no discussion, there is no battle to be fought, there is no pleading and begging. Its over.
The Lovely Steph Leann has now expressed doubt about the table. And even further doubt about the cabinet. At this point, I'm under the delusion that the table can be saved, but fully understanding that cabinet is in the North Atlantic with the Titanic going down behind it. Its gone.
Its now to the point where, if we purchased the table (and I think had I pressed the issue, we would have bought it) then when people come over to The Cabana, and comment on the table, the response will not be an excited, "Oh yeah, we loved it when we saw it!" or a "Yeah, I thought it fit this room well!", it will be more a shrug of, "Yeah, Dave liked it, and I thought it was okay, so we got it." This is NOT how to furnish a home.
The Freckled Becca comes over, and so not only has The Lovely Steph Leann begun to express doubt about the table, The Freckled Becca, being a chick, begins to understand her logic and reasoning. She even uses the deadly words, "Oh, I know, my husband and I have that problem", said only to mean, "Oh, I know, I have a husband who just doesn't understand how the women need to furnish a home the way we want to furnish it..."
Let me stop right here and say this... I have fully comprehended the concept that a house is an extention of the wife. If the house is messy, not a big deal for the husband, you just pick it up and clean it. Eventually. For the woman, though, it makes her feel like she's failed as a homemaker and housekeeper--I get it, I get this... but... the table... it was so nice... it was so....
"You know, if you aren't crazy about it, don't get it," The Freckled Becca says. "When you envisioned your home before you moved in, if you didn't see a cabinet like this, or a table like this in your dining room, then don't get it."
Its as if The Freckled Becca loaded the gun and then handed it to The Lovely Steph Leann who shot the table as it lay helpless, defenseless. Bobowen raised his hands, smartly, saying, "I'm not in this. You're on your own." There are some things that guys just won't help each other out with... I'm not sure I would have come to his defense either.
Then, out of nowhere, The Lovely Steph Leann turns to the rug. Even The Freckled Becca is shocked--"No, no, the rug... it has to stay!"
I told Steph, finally, "If you want the rug, get it. Do not get it if you only are throwing me a bone here. At this point..." and I said the words that a guy should never really say to a woman when furniture shopping, at least in the tone I used... "at this point, I don't care."
She gave me a look, and we walked back over to the rugs.
Well, we got the rug, so The Cabana will now have carpeting for its living room. At what price, though? The Freckled Becca was excited for us, still siding with The Lovely Steph Leann ("you should go visit this other furniture store, you might find something you like there...") and Bobowen just happy we came out...
Dinner was quiet, as I think she was a little afronted, and I was just irritated that we still didn't have a dining room table, one we both liked--that doesn't happen often, remember. But as the night wore on, we loosened up a little...
Finally, back at home at The Cabana, she was in the crop room upstairs, so I dashed up the stairs, grabbed her, kissed her a few times, told her I loved her a few more times, and just hugged her tightly. For me, the table issue went away, as most of life's problems do, however temporarily, when I stand with The Lovely Steph's Leann's arms wrapped around me.
I should have gone to bed about an hour ago... but I wanted to post the next part of A Very Deuce Christmas Story and also to write this up... something I thought you could all relate to.
Now, I'm going to go wake up my wife and give her a big hug again. When she gets over being annoyed I woke her up, she might even kiss me goodnight. Just sayin'.
