A B@d Movie Trio

For whatever reason, I have a habit of sitting through bad movies.  Well, to back up and qualify that statement, I do like some bad movies...

I guess I call a "bad movie" as a movie that really... well, really isn't very good.  Maybe the movie is kinda dumb, maybe the plot is a little thin or inane or even stupid, maybe the acting or effects are pretty crappy... but sometimes, bad movies are fun.   As a matter of fact, as I type this, "Couples Retreat" is on.  Want to talk about bad?  Its stupid, the premise is ridiculous, but the movie itself is fun.  I'm fond of Malin Akerman, I enjoy Vince Vaughn and though its silly, its a good background movie--just turn it on, and go about your business at The Cabana.

Other movies that I watch frequently, even though most would consider them "bad"?  Dane Cook's "Employee of the Month"... "Four Christmases" with Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn... "Leap Year" with Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with)... and I do enjoy "Grown Ups" with Adam Sandler and Kevin James.  All bad movies, all movies I can watch again and again.  And have.

There's a difference in "bad" and "Craptastic".  The former is described above, the latter is the same as bad, but with action, explosions, F-bombs   Like, "Con Air"... craptastic.  "Broken Arrow" with Travolta... craptastic.  "The Expendables"... perhaps the most craptastic, nay, craptacular movie ever made. 

So yes, there are good bad movies. 

Then... there are bad, bad movies.

And I saw three of them over the last few days... and I want to share my misery with you.  Of course, you will ask me, "d$, why watch such tripe, why put yourself through the torture of these moronic film ventures?"  My answer?  I just don't know.  I dunno.  Most of the time, when I invest 45 minutes into a movie, I just want to see it to its completion... and sometimes, I know its going to be such a bad film, it might be worth a blog. 

And here we are.

I've never seen "Traffic", but I hope that Erika
Christensen is better

First, let's talk about "Swimf@n"... 2002, its this story of this high school kid named Ben, played by Jesse Bradford, who is dating Amy (Shiri Appleby), but has a fling with Madison (Erika Christensen).  Well, Ben feels bad, but Madison is obsessed with him, and does everything she can to foul up his life so they can be together. 

All three leads in this movie are giving performances akin to making lemonade out of rotten lemons.   I feel like if you took the movie "Fatal Attraction", a far superior film", then sprinkled in Zack Morris and the gang, shook it all up, threw it some foul language and dark, moody scenery and then peed all over it, you'd get this movie.  It was kinda fun that it took place in 2002, before Facebook and MySpace took hold, when we were still AOL'ing it.  Well, no, that wasn't fun either.  This movie was bad.

I also giggle at the pretention of this film by using the "@" for the "a" in "Swimfan"... Madison is a fan of Ben, who is a swimmer.. she's a "Swim" "Fan"... get it?  And some of this movie takes place online, so hence, the "@" part... clever huh?  Yeah.  Its that bad.

Next, here's a movie called "Troll".  Because this movie was so bad, I ended up jumping onto Wikipedia to read about it and discovered that some critics call it "The Worst Movie Ever Made".   Now, I feel like I've seen worse (keep reading this post), but I can see where that argument would have some validity.

See that green ring?  It holds the Troll Power.  It comes
back later this summer in that Ryan Reynolds movie.

It stars a couple of no-names, but also this kid named Noah Hathaway--he is Atreyu from "The Neverending Story", a film that is pretty bad itself, but one that we tend to romanticize about how good it was because we all loved it when we were kids--anyway, Noah plays "Harry Potter".  No, that's not a joke.

As a matter of fact, the director, John Carl Buechler, was pretty unhappy when a few years later, some chick named J.K. Rowling used the name "Harry Potter" for a book she was writing.  Rowling claims she made up the name, and that its similiarity is coincidental.  Buechler says he thinks she stole it.   The guy who went on to direct "Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood" and "Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College", and is directing the upcoming "Troll" remake.  That guy. 

Back to the movie... its... its so bad.  This family moves into this house, and the little girl, sorta like Carole Anne from "Poltergeist", goes to the basement and sees this troll, who possesses her and then makes her go around the building and possess other people, including a horrible Sonny Bono, and has run-ins with people like Julia Louis-Dreyfus, in a pre-"Christmas Vacation" and "Seinfeld" role, which was also bad. 

The trolls are terrible, like costumes you could buy at The Spirit of Halloween on clearance day, and the effects are even worse.  And the dialogue is just bad, so, so bad.   The ending is just awful, and after it was over, I was actually happy.  I was happy it was done.  I could have turned it, but I wanted to see it through, and I did.

Finally, I flipped on the MGM Channel, and there was this random movie called "Motel Hell".  Rather than giving you my own description, let me just tell you what Wiki has as the plot:

When your terrible movie poster is the best
thing about your film, your film does indeed
have problems

Farmer Vincent Smith (Rory Calhoun) and his younger sister Ida (Nancy Parsons) live on a farm with a motel attached. It's called Motel Hello, but the O on the sign constantly flicks on and off. Vincent makes smoked meats said to be the most delicious in the surrounding area. Vincent's secret is human flesh, and Vincent has the areas around his isolated motel strewn with various booby traps to catch victims. The victims are placed in a 'secret garden' where they are buried up to their necks and have their vocal cords cut so they cannot scream; Vincent keeps them in the ground, feeding them special food, until they are ready and then kills them.

Its worse than it sounds.  I think I ended up watching it because there really was nothing on, and I was completely enthralled and fascinated by how utterly atrocious this entire movie was.  Farmer Vincent ends up falling for a chick who doesnt know his little secret, and the love grows until Ida gets jealous and it all goes bad and the chick's old boyfriend, who is the sheriff, shows up and it all goes bad for everyone and so on and so on and it actually is a thousand times worse than I'm even making it out to be.

And get this... at the end, the sign that says "MOTEL HELLO"... the "O" on the sign shorts out, and the film ends with the sign just saying "MOTEL HELL".  Get it?  Clever, huh?  Yeah.  Its that bad. 

Two notes... first, this film does have John Ratzenberger (his role after his epic turn in "The Empire Strikes Back").. and secondly, its got Rory Calhoun as its star, who later went on to star in my 133rd favorite film of all time, "Pure Country".  But neither Cliff Claven nor Rory can save this piece of poop.

PS... wanna see a good movie... no, a great, great movie?  Check out "Out of Sight" with George Clooney, Ving Rhames and Jennifer Lopez, before she sucked.  Its smart, its a sexy movie and its just plain cool... its my 30th favorite film of all time. 

Summer of Blogging, Day Eleven

What You Missed

Day Six...

Here's what you might have missed this week, since I posted every day...

Day 1... The 100 Coolest Things of 2010... "The Expendables", The Super Bowl and Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with), plus more of 2010

Day 2... "The War for Late Night"... book review on the great behind-the-scenes story of Conan, Jay and the 2009 struggle for the Tonight Show.

Day 3... Getting Hot in Herre... The misery of having no air conditioner upstairs...

Day 4... The "Love is Magical" Pin Event... a recap of the Disney Pin Event from February

Day 5... Cheery, Not Whiny... three things that made my day

Amy Adams joins Paul Thomas Anderson's cast for his next film!

Via Deadline:

Amy Adams has formally been set to star in Paul Thomas Anderson's untitled film, which begins production later this month. She will play the wife of the character played by Philip Seymour Hoffman. He plays a man who returns from witnessing the horrors of WWII, and in an attempt to find himself, he forms a belief system that catches on in the 1950s. Deadline revealed in early May that Adams was being courted. Joaquin Phoenix has also been set to play the faith leader's right hand man, and I've heard there have been conversations with The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo's Lena Endre and Laura Dern for other roles. The Weinstein Company acquired worldwide distribution rights to the film last month just before the Cannes Film Festival. Megan Ellison is producing through her Annapurna Productions banner, along with JoAnne Sellar and Daniel Lupi, with Ted Schipper exec producing.

Adams is coming off her Oscar-nominated turn in The Fighter, and she will do this film before starting production on Man of Steel, playing Lois Lane in the Zack Snyder-directed Superman franchise. reboot. Adams will next be seen in the Walter Salles-directed On The Road, which is being shopped for domestic distribution, and Disney's Muppets. She's repped by Brillstein Entertainment Partners and WME.

-Joey's Two Cents: The casting so far is very interesting, but everything surrounding a PTA flick usually is...thoughts?

The 100 Coolest Things of 2010... #60 to 51

Hey... its The SOB!  (no, not me... I mean... Day One of The Summer of Blogging...)

Yes, yes, its the summer and I'm still talking about 2010.   But I'm hoping to get through this list in the next week or two!  So, let's recap...

Basketball movies, SMU scandals and Hurricane Rhett's movie crushes are part of the 100th through 91st coolest things of 2010...  in the 90th through 81st coolest things of the year, we talked about old people with guns, steak roll-ups, and an Oscar winning Sandy B... and then, from 80th through 71st, it was The A-Team, Tron's new Legacy and finding Somebody to Love... then we discussed Hawaii's new show, narcissim on Facebook and candles in the 70th through 61st coolest things of the year...

60... Disney Meets Autism
This is by no means the lesser of our Disney vacations in 2010, its just the first one I wanted to talk about... The Lovely Steph Leann and I decided to treat her cousin Karen and their family, consisting of hubby Eric and children Hannah and Wyatt... the thing to know about Hannah and Wyatt is that they are severly autistic.  I dont know alot about autism, so I won't try to put them on a level of severity, but just know its a pretty big deal (as autism is).

Myself and Hannah, having a blast on Test Track

Cousin Karen actually called ahead to Disney about her children, specifically to the restaurants we were going to dine in and talked to the chefs about her children's eating limitations and allergies.  I was highly impressed on how responsive they were!  In all of the restaurants we ate at, the chef would come out and discuss with Cousin Karen some food options, and at Donald's Tusker House Breakfast in Animal Kingdom, the chef even brought out gluten free Mickey waffles specifically made for the kids.

We had a "disability pass" allowing us to use handicap entrances and skip many lines--I am sure that Cousin Karen would take perfectly healthy children waiting in long lines over autistic kids getting straight onto rides--but it is what it is, and we made the best of it.  Only one meltdown, that being when Jasmine messed around with Hannah's Hannah Montana hat, and Hannah wasn't having it.  At.  All. 

It was a fun trip, though, a good time spent with Cousin Karen, Hubby Eric and the kids, and of course, anytime you can spend money and time in Walt Disney World, its a good, good thing. 

59... SI Wants the Playoffs
I love my Sports Illustrated, and it shares the honor of being bathroom reading material with the latest Entertainment Weekly--that's not a bad thing, or a mock compliment, thats a compliment--and sometimes, an article jumps out that is worthy of reading and re-reading... like one in November of 2011, entitled "What a Concept!  Playoffs!  How (and why) the BCS is Blocking What College Football Needs". 

Its an in-depth opinion on the myth that the BCS works just fine and its a money-haven for college football programs, and how the bowl games are so lucrative for teams that participate... it tells us that

"Halftime entertainment at the Jan. 1, 2009, Outback Bowl was provided by the [ Iowa ] Hawkeye Marching Band. And how did the Tampa Bay Bowl Association, which runs the game, thank the band for that gratis performance? By charging the university $65 a head for each of the 346 band members. According to university records submitted to the NCAA, the school was forced to purchase face-value tickets totaling $22,490 for the band, even though the game wasn't sold out."

In fact, the bowl system, and sub-sequent payout is so convuluted that sometimes a football program actually saves money when they don't go bowling...

"Most conferences pool all their bowl payouts, using the bigger-money BCS games to cover the losses incurred in the smaller games. Thus does the Rose Bowl help subsidize the Little Caesars Pizza Bowl-a bowl bailout system that indeed spreads the wealth. Bowl directors privately admit that fewer than half the bowls could survive without the financial support from the schools.



Meanwhile, the sad sack programs that fail to qualify for a bowl often end up in the best financial position. As former Michigan AD Bill Martin said after the 2009 season, ‘The fact we didn't go to a bowl game the last two years means we actually made money.' "

...wait, success is rewarded by costing you more money, and the underachievers are given more?  Glad our country doesn't work like that...  anyway, I'd love to tell you that you can read this article online, but I had to sign up for the digital version of my print subscription, but if you can find it, its a great article.

58... Sly Blows Stuff Up
Ah, "The Expendables"... a movie I was so looking forward to that I even wrote a preview post for it last summer... and I wasn't disappointed.

Who doesn't love this movie?  Seriously... who doesn't want to see Sly Stallone with Dolph Lundgren and Jet Li and Randy Couture and Jason Statham and Mickey Rourke go all bad-A and 80s VHS star Eric Roberts be the bad guy and Stone Cold Steve Austin get all wicked bad and see things blow up and explode and see Bruce Willis and Ahnold and Sly share the same room and every action movie cliche played up, especially the one where every one on the team is a "specialist", a la "the weapons specialist" and the "explosives specialist" and the "martial arts specialist" and what is the movie even about?

Some crap about a corrupt government and the overthrow of a brutal dictator and so on and so on and who gives a rip.  Did you read that cast that I listed above?  Seriously.  It's awesome.  If you like real substance and deep plotlines, then don't watch this movie.

If you like the nostalgia of 80s and 90s action stars and cheese ball action movies with ridiculous things that blow up and over-the-top shootings and F-bombs being dropped like they were hot tamales, then this is the movie for you. 

57... We Get to See Dixon
Who doesn't love seeing old friends after a decade, or 14 years, goes by?   The Lovely Steph Leann spends a couple of days in Pensacola per month, and every now and again, I am able to go with her.  Usually, its a "drive down Thursday morning, she goes to work, does her thing, have a nice dinner, spend the night, take our time coming back Friday" kind of thing, and September 2010's trip was just like that.

This time, though, I was able to contact my old pal Dixon who lived in the area, and not only were we excited to see each other, she was pumped to see The Lovely Steph Leann--a reader of this blog, she knows my wife only as The Lovely Steph Leann, so for her, it was exciting to put a voice and a personality with the name and face that she sees online.

In writing about it, I said:  Dixon and I have known each other since 1993, and were friends all through college, and during dinner, I'm sure we bored the stew out of The Lovely Steph Leann with our "Oh, I remember when you..." and "Do you know that..." and "When you did that, I..." tales. She was quick to include The Lovely Steph Leann though, frequently turning to her and saying, "Oh my gosh, did d$ ever tell you about the time he and..." to which my wife would say, "No, tell me!" and there goes the story.

The post is called "Mobile Meanderings and Dixon Dinners", and you can read the whole thing by clicking here, and you can even see the link for the first day of Pensacola.

56... The Saints Win the Super Bowl
Growing up, the New Orleans Saints were always a joke.  It took them several decades to even make the playoffs, much less win a playoff game, and though they had some random flashes of brilliance here and there, mostly... well, they just sucked.

But in the last five or six years, they have begun to become a real franchise.  With the 2006 addition of Drew Brees (who left San Diego after being replaced by Philip Rivers, who does not have a ring), plus key players and a solid coaching staff not including anyone named Ditka, it came together... they did have two straight disappointing seasons in 2007 and 2008, going 7-9 and 8-8 respectively, but made the NFC title game a season later.  And in the 2009 season, they began to roll... and roll they did, into the playoffs, into January 2010.

And after a thrilling overtime win over the Vikings (Favre threw a pick to end the game... surprising), they ended up embarrassing the heavily favored Indy Colts, winning 31-17.  Of course, this was the first Super Bowl in over 20 years that I did not see at least a little bit of--myself and The Lovely Steph Leann were in the backseat of a car, riding with Snow White and her friend, Sidekick Sarah, but we'll get to that later in the 2010 list. 

So, the Saints won the Super Bowl.  It was like the Falcons making the Super Bowl in the late 90s... just strange.

55... Marky Mark Throws Punches
Here's one I didn't think I'd like as much as I did.   Mark Wahlberg stars as Micky Ward, a local boxer from Lowell, Massachussetts, who is managed by his mom, Alice (Melissa Leo) and is sort of trained by his troubled, alcoholic, addict brother Dicky (Christian Bale).

Marky Mark talks to my Hollywood Girlfriend

Micky is considered a "stepping stone" boxer, one who is used to help elevate other boxers, and its proven when he's destroyed by a mismatch that he never should have faced.  He meets Charlene (Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with) and his life begins to turn around.   Things get worse before they get better, though, as Micky sees his beloved brother Dicky screw up over and over, until he finally has to wash his hands of Dicky, while his overbearing mom blames Charlene for their family troubles, as do his seven sisters--in one hilarious scene, Charlene takes them all on in a fight on the porch.

The movie is extremely well-acted, and when it was over, I was pretty sure that Christian Bale would not only be nominated for an Oscar for his Dicky Ward portrayal, I was fairly sure he'd win it--he was and he did.  Mark Wahlburg is probably the least talented of the group of actors he's surrounded by, and he still gives a great performance as Micky, and of course, my eyes were locked on Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with) every time she was on the screen.  She ended up with an Oscar nom of his own (she lost to Melissa Leo, and although I wanted Amy Adams--whom I'm in love with--to win, I was satisfied with it) and did her part perfectly.

I loved this film, and as the years go by, I hope it gains stature and more acclaim.   Does have lots of Boston accent language, with lots of F-words being tossed around, boxing violence along with some real world violence, and a make out scene that features Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with) in some tight shorts and her underthings. 

54... The Good Guys Take on the Bad Guys
When its all said and done, Survivor will go down as one of my top ten, maybe even top five favorite series ever, be it scripted or reality.  And its seasons like the on that aired in the spring of 2010, "Heroes vs. Villians", the 20th season of the show, that makes me love this show so much.

They had brought back previous contestants before, like "All Stars" in Season 8 and some seasons where one or two contestants had a second chance, but this time, they did a great job selecting "Heroes", those players who seemed to really play an outstanding game with integrity--Stephenie, JT, Cirie--and "Villians", those who lied and clawed their way through the game--Jerri, Coach, Randy--and most notably, featured the first match-up between Boston Rob and Russell Heinz, who should have won the year before in Samoa.  Rob was ousted halfway through the game, while Russell made it to the top three.

Now, as much as I loved this season, the reason it doesn't rank higher is that the eventually winner, Sandra, was a prime example of  "riding coattails" and "ticked off the least amount of people".  Some will argue that Russell was robbed the previous year (he was) and also should have won "Heroes vs. Villians" (he shouldn't have )... Parvati should have taken this season, but played the season so well she was disliked by everyone, mostly because everyone was voted off directly and indirectly at Parvati's command.  That's how you play Survivor.

53... Mickey Warms My Hands
We went to The Most Magical Place on Earth in December (you'll hear about that later) and was able to meet up with one of my very favorite people in the whole world, Melanie (you'll hear about her later).  She and her family (again, later), and myself and The Lovely Steph Leann enjoy good food, good rides and good shows, but braved the winter in Florida. 

The "winter" in Florida is more of a "kinda cool", especially when compared to the rest of the country, but nonetheless, it was cold.  And I finally had to break down and buy some gloves.  Gloves are a tricky thing, really, because though they work well when driving, using my hands for writing or texting or any other thing that includes opposible thumbs sometimes comes across difficult.  Which is why when I saw the Disney gloves I am referring to on the shelf, I wanted them. 

And they are the best gloves I've ever owned.  Love them.

52... A Cap Gets Popped

Thank you, Melanie.  You rule.

I'm a ballcap guy.  I don't wear caps much when my hair is short, or when I am wearing my glasses (I think I look uberdorky with glasses and a cap), but sometimes, I love just tossing one of my many beloved caps on my wet, fresh outta the shower head and going.

I have three caps that I wear on a rotating basis... one is a grey Florida Gators hat I bought some years ago, right after they won the championship.  Go Gators.  Another is a khaki hat with a Mickey silhouette in the corner.  Goes well with most things I wear.  And finally, there is the one that Melanie brought back to me after she went to Disney for a few days.

And its my favorite hat. 

51... Bad Movies Get Props
In one of the trips to Pensacola I went on, we stopped at a random Barnes & Noble for The Lovely Steph Leann to get her some reading materials... she usually heads for The Romance Section, and I make my way through the bargain aisle, glancing to and fro, left and right in case something catches my eye, then end up in the Film/TV/Entertainment section.  I will pick up a random book or two and read a page or two, sometimes about Molly Ringwald and the Breakfast Club, sometimes about 1001 Movies I Gotta See Before I Die, sometimes about American Idol, sometimes about Dreamworks SKG...

And every now and again, I'll pick up a book and flip through it and read a page.  And then another.  And then another.  And  then another, until I'm sitting on the floor reading the book from the beginning until time to go.  And this time, I did just that, picking up "Showgirls, Teen Wolves and Astro Zombies" by Michael Adams.  Subtitled "A film critic's year long quest to find the worst movie ever made", it is exactly what it says it is.

A few years ago, the author Adams spent an evening watching the horrific Hilary Duff movie "Material Girls", and after avoiding gouging his eyes out, surfed on IMDB for some information.  He was surprised to find it, at least at the time, to be #1 on IMDB's Bottom 100 Movies, the 100 movies that fans gave the lowest ranking possible on the movie website.  He figured as bad as it was, it couldn't have been the worst movie of all time... could it?  Only one way to find out.

He then devoted the next year of his life, starting the following January, to watch horrible movies all year long to determine the worst movie ever made.  He ends up spending thousands of dollars on Amazon to get such movies to watch, and chapter by chapter, catagorized by month, he watches and details the worst of the worst.  At the end of every monthly chapter, he lists the worst seen that month, then the actual worst of the month... starting in January, and going through December, those are as follows:  "Search for the Beast" (January)... "The Guy from Harlem" (February)... "Superbabies" (March)... "Manos: Hands of Fate" and "Police Academy: Mission to Moscow" (tie for April)... "Grad Night" and "Da Hip Hop Witch" (May)... "Narcosys" (June)... "Hollywood High Part II" (July)... "Green River Killer" (August, and notable because Adams declares this film's director, Ulli Lommel, the worst director ever)... "Black Devil Doll From Hell" (September, a film so obscure that there isn't even any cover art in IMDB)... "The Corpse Grinders II" and "Mark of the Astro-Zombies" (October)... "Big Sister 2000" and "Toad Warrior" (November)... and in December, "Dark Harvest 2: The Maize". 

And yes, one of those movies was considered by Adams as "The Worst Movie Ever".  The beauty of this book is that he knows these movies are bad, he never tries to defend their worth, but yet, still revels in the awfulness of them.  He cracks wise and jokes all the way through it, many times with a "I cannot fathom how terrible this is" tone, and he goes after more recent and familiar fare too, like "It's Pat" and of course, "Showgirls".   

 I'm not a guy who watched a ton of cult classics and obscure films and such, so I hadn't seen most of those movies... though I did come across "Manos: Hands of Fate" online, and yes, its bad.   This book is an easy, entertaining read, giving you the reviews of these films so you don't have to watch them.  I loved this book.

Coming up... training a dragon... engagements abound... and what Christians like... and later, a gritty book becomes a gritty novel

Hey Judges! Are We Watching the Same Idol?

The show opens with flashbacks to last week's results show.  Stefano Italiano's shocked face when Seacrusty says, "The Idol going home is... Peepee."  The camera scans to the judges with Randy shocked, and Uncle Steven Tyler yelling and J-Lo crying.

After the heartbreaking loss of one Peepee Tuscany last week, where does Idol go for now?  Was it a shocker?  Yes.  But if you stepped back and looked at it again, was it really a surprise?  Not really.  She wasn't going to win, and if she had've, she would have been more likely to be a Taylor Hicks/Kris Allen kind of Idol, rather than Carrie or Kelly. 

She was an adult contemporary style artist in the vein of Michael Buble, Celine Dion and the like.  When was the last time you heard Celine on the radio when it wasn't Delilah's show, or that style station on the radio or satellite radio?   Exactly.  So, Peepee is gone.

Now... its the final 8...

THIS IS

AMERICAN

IDOL

Haven't had a Pickles sighting all season!  You all
know I love me some Pickles!

Seacrusty reminds us that People Magazine has voted J-Lo "The Most Beautiful Chick in the Whole Wide World."  I mean, she's pretty and all, but the most beautiful?  As long as Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with) or even Pickles are still breathing, J-Lo can't have that title.  Lest we forget The Lovely Steph Leann!

Tonight is Movie Music Night, with Idols doing songs from movies... Whitney and Celine, you are on alert!

First up is Pauly Mac... and I'll be honest with you--I think Pauly Mac is wearing a little bit on me.  He's got a good, unique voice, but he might be a little eh at this point.  He won't win, so maybe he's overstayed his welcome.

And that suit.  Holy crap, that suit.  Porter Waggoner is looking down from above and saying, "Wow, that is a bad, sparkly suit..."  Pauly Mac is doing "Old Time Rock & Roll" by Bob Seger from "Risky Business", and to me, yeesh.  I don't think song was good at all.

The judges were all about it, but for me, I didn't like that all.  Seacrusty tells us that if we liked sax with Pauly Mac, then vote for him!

Seacrusty then tells us, "After the break, America's Darlin Lauren Alaina takes on Miley!"  I say, out loud, "Ugh" because I know what is coming.   "The Climb".  This song makes me hurt.  Not in a good way, not in a bringing-back-memories kind of song, more of a make-it-stop kind of way.

Will.I.Am and Jimmy Iovine tells America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina that, "you are a much, much better singer than Miley Cyrus", which is like saying, "You are more of a girl than Stefano Italiano.  You are."   They then tell her, "Steal Peepee's votes.  This is your chance!  Those votes are up for grabs!"

Granted, I'm not a fan of this song, from "Hannah Montana: The Movie", mostly because when I worked at The Happiest Place in the Mall in Spring of 2009, this song was on a loop, the whole song, and I heard it at least 2 times per hour, about 40 hours a week.  I've mentioned this before, but I just want you to understand my own climb... however comma this performance from America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina was pretty good.

J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg says this song sounded like it was written just for her.  Crazy, creepy Uncle Steven loved it. 

From the Buried Treasure (this movie will come up soon on The Deucecast, which you can subscribe to on iTunes!  Or download from our website!) pile, its "Boomerang"!  This little film from 1993 starred a then-funny Eddie Murphy, a then-relevant Martin Lawerence and a semi-funny David Alan Grier, as well as a young Halle Berry, a sort of likable Robin Givens and even Chris Rock! 

Stefano Italiano is doing Boyz II Men's classic "End of the Road", which was MASSIVE back in the day.  See, you think your radio is filled with nothing but GaGa and Katy Perry, well take it back to 1993, when Boyz II Men and a pre-skank Mariah Carey was doing nothing but dominating the airwaves.  "End of the Road" was HUUUUGE, like, every other song played on every station, was this song. 

Jimmy Iovine and Will.He.Is tells Stefano Italiano that he has to stop singing not to lose, and sing to win.  And if the show were called "Flailing To and Fro About the Stage Like a Bad Michael Stipe Idol", then Paula Mac would finally have some competition, but being a singing competition, not so much. 

Stefano Italiano does well.  But not great.  Randy the Dawg calls it the best vocals he's seen from Stefano, and gives him the "In it to win it!"  Uncle Steven Tyler gives the obligatory, "This isn't the end of the road for you!" and J-Lo loved it.

Are we watching the same show?

Deep Voiced Scotty is doing Nilsson's "Everybody's Talkin"?  He sounds fantastic!  This is going to rule.  Wait... he changes it?  Booo....

From the movie "Pure Country", one of the best awful films I've ever seen, he's instead doing "I Cross My Heart" from George Strait.  I agree with Annie Barrett from EW, I can barely tell Deep Voiced Scotty's songs apart by now, but they all work.  

As for this one, one of my favorite country tunes to date, its... well, not as good as his past peformances.  I feel like he could have done more.  Better.  Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven tells him that it was great.  J-Lo says, "everyone wants us to be tough, but you are all so good!"  So, J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg thought the song choice was great, and if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

The Saved Casey A is up next, and looks like he's singing "Nature Boy", an old standard from Nat King Cole, and it sounds good... wait, he's changing it?  Him too?   Jimmy Iovine and Will.He.B, and someone who looks like a wussy Allen Iverson, all tell him to switch it, so he's going to "In the Air Tonight" from Phil Collins.

Wait, he goes back to "Nature Boy", using the upright bass to perform it, mmh!  What song is this, heh?  Where is its from, hah?  Well, its from the 1948 oh-wa movie "The Boy With the Green Hair" ho-wah and then featured in the 1990 movie "The Crossing" (featuring a very young Russell Crowe!), and then 1993's ho-uh "Untamed Heart" and then 2001's "Angel Eyes" and "Moulin Rouge!" and uh ha so its been everywhere.  Whats the ho hah and uh for?  Just emulating his own style.

Okay, I didn't think The Saved Casey A sang it that well.  I could even tell a few notes off key, and being a little pitchy.  However, the style was really, really cool, so I kinda liked the whole thing.

J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg compares him to Norah Jones and Michael Bubbles and such.  And I'm not really sure what Uncle Steven Tyler just said, but I could be convinced that he just spoke in tongues.  He did compare The Saved Casey A to Sting just about now. 

And now, Haley Reinhart.  I don't even have a nickname for her, unless I called her The Provocatively Dressed Haley, or Haley with the Low Cut Top... Haley Hotness is too strong a term... maybe Haley Cuteness?  Haley Sort Of Niceness? 

Either way, Haley is singing "American Gigolo"'s song, "Call Me" from Blondie.  No low cut top this time, but her dress stops just past her waistline and unmentionables.  And she looks like she just made out with a stained glass window.  I'm surprised the light isn't reflecting colors all over the wall.

What I'm afraid of is that she has to have a big production to sing... maybe she can't rest on just her voice, she likes to move it move it all over the stage.  Randy the Dawg didn't like it.  Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler agrees, but loved the dress.  J-Lo loved it. 

Personally?  I loved every. single.  thing.  about. it.

Jimmy Iovine and Will.Am.Him call The Soulful Jacob Lusk out for his "If people don't vote for me, then they are afraid to look themselves in the mirror!" comment last week... which saw The Soulful Jacob Lusk ending up on a Silver Stool of Suck.

This week, from "The Pursuit of Happyness", he's singing "Bridge Over Troubled Waters".   This is by far and away my least favorite song by Simon & Garfunkel, like, way, way down below.  I can't stand this song, it bores me to tears and I avoid it when I can. 

And of course, he does just enough to get him to the "blow you away" note, and then he lands that sucker down perfectly.  The song's inadequices were by far made up for by the last note or two, both which went on for about 29 minutes each.  Not my favorite of the night, but good.

Uncle Steven loved the last note.  J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg tells him its believable. 

The Straight Adam Lambert goes obscure, and picks out "Heavy Metal" from the movie of the same name in 1981, sung by Sammy Hagar.  Jimmy Iovine hates the decision, and even gets contentious with The Straight Adam Lambert... Will.Is.He.Be tries to keep the peace, saying, "I've had this same confrontation with Jimmy too, with my group."

The song finds The Straight Adam Lambert working his way from the stage to standing on the judges table, rocking out with dude that I am not sure wasn't in Saughter jamming on the guitar, and screeching.  Alot.  This song is a mess. 

J-Lo loved it.  Randy the Dawg says, "you were just at The Straight Adam Lambert's concert!"  Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven Tyler says that it was outstanding.

Are we watching the same show?

Crazy enough, I think I liked Haley Cuteness' song the best.  Who knew?  I think that she and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina are safe, while I would say that The Soulful Jacob Lusk and Deep Voiced Scotty are on the cusp.  My predictions for The Bottom Three are Stefano Italiano, Pauly Mac and either The Saved Casey A or The Straight Adam Lambert.

Alrighty... just got in from an evening with Melanie and her family... the Zarzaur Kids were in a huge Broadway style play at their church, so I witnessed the spectacle, the majesty, the wonder of... well, it was pretty cute.  Special K, The Zack Attack and Jay Z all spent time on stage, singing in a chorus group, while myself, Melanie and Hubby Chris laughed and giggled at the kids obvious embarassment...

So, I just home, and The Lovely Steph Leann texted me not long after (she's in Pensacola tonight) with the words "did you watch Idol?!?"   I said, "About to. Did you?"  And she said, "The important part!"  Don't know if that means its a big shocker tonight, and she wanted to talk about it, or if she was just asking... either way...

THIS IS

AMERICAN IDOL RESULTS

Now, the Idol performances show takes me about 40 minutes to zip through an hour, maybe an hour to go through a 90 minute show... Results show?  In an hour show, I can usually get through it in about 15 minutes. 

America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina and Deep Voiced Scotty come out to sing a duet to "American Honey".  I'm sure The Lovely Steph Leann was giggling like a little school girl, as she loves her some Lady A.   I dig the duets and trios more than the big group number they usually do, as it gives me options to listen.

Okay, enough of this.  Fast forward.

Commercial break.  Fast forward.

The making of the Ford Music Video.  Fast forward

The actual Ford Music Video.  Fast forward

Listening to The Saved Casey A and Haley Reinhart sing an old standard.  She sounds better here (when it doesn't count) than any other time I've heard her.   Randy the Dawg agree, yelling, "That's whats up!  Where was alla'day?!"

Now its time for some results!  Deep Voiced Scotty and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina join The Saved Casey A and Haley Reinhart centerstage... Seacrusty reminds us there were 370 billion votes last night... Deep Voiced Scotty and America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina head to the Couch of Comfort.  The Saved Casey A and Haley Reinhart are left... one will head to the Couch of Comfort, the other will be the first on the Silver Stools of Suck. 

And once again, Haley Reinhart lives dangerously, as she plants that booty on the Silver Stools of Suck. 

Commercial break.  Fast forward.

A video of Rob Reiner talking to the Idols about movie music.  Fast forward.

A performance from Jason Aldeen and Kelly Clarkson.  Fast forward.

Commercial break.  Fast forward

The Soulful Jacob Lusk, Stefano Italiano, The Straight Adam Lambert and Pauly Mac doing a quartet of my favorite Simon & Garfunkel song, "The Sounds of Silence".  Silence.  Exactly what I hear when I fast forward.

Time for more results!  Seacrusty zips through a typical recap of last night's performances from the guys.  He sends someone back to the Couch of Comfort--and that would be The Straight Adam Lambert.  This leaves three, and now, Stefano Italiano is in the bottom three, and joins his Silver Stools of Suck partner in crime, Haley Reinhart.  The Soulful Jacob Lusk and Pauly Mac are left, and after the nationwide vote, Pauly Mac finds himself in The Bottom Three.   Why I didn't predict Haley in the bottom three, I don't know. 

Commercial break.  Fast forward

Rhianna.  Fast forward.

Commercial break.  Fast forward.

And now, the final results.  Dim the lights!  Seacrusty reminds us that since the Top 13, only chicks have gone home... Haley is hoping to turn that around... and as it turns out, she follows the footsteps of... those returning to the Couch of Comfort.  She is safe.

After the nationwide vote... going home is... Pauly Mac goes home.  Stefano Italiano lives to sing and flail another ballad another day.  Okay, lets be real--Paul McDonald was not going to win American Idol, nor should he.  However, at least he was unique enough to be remembered, and he went late enough in the show that perhaps he might have more success than say, Ashthon Jones... although ProActiv is still in the cards.

Free Will via The Adjustment Bureau

With the 31,173 verses in the complete Word of God, there are a handful of verses that most people reference... and Jeremiah 29:11 is one of those.  The NIV states, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Personally, I'm a The Message fan, and it says, "I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not to abandon you, plans to give you the future hope for."

As its documented on this here very blogsite, I'm a Christ-Follower, and I fully believe in The Word of God as infallible, unbreakable and perfect, as inspired by God. 

Having said that, we saw a movie yesterday that gives an interesting perspective on those plans that God has for you. 

The movie is called "The Adjustment Bureau", and it opens on a Congressman named David Norris (Matt Damon), and a troubled bid to be a New York Senator.  Things get really crazy when there is a chance encounter with a lovely young lady (Emily Blunt) in a men's restroom... and after the election, he wasn't supposed to meet her again--but he did.  And thus lies the problem.



There is a group called The Adjustment Bureau who watch over everyone and everything, and makes sure all goes according to plan... be it His plan or his plan, they call the big boss "The Chairman".  As the movie progresses, you will find they never are very specific about who or what The Chairman is, and probably that's on purpose so The Chairman can stand for whatever the audience may believe is in charge.

We discover the mystery girl's name is Elise, and she and David fall in love quickly... but at every turn, their romance wasn't supposed to happen, and The Adjustment Bureau does all that it can to stop them and split them up. 

Matt Damon and Emily Blunt... will she reach The Goddess or Amy
Adams (whom I'm in love with) status?  Probably not.  But she is growing
on me.

Overall, the movie is quite good, and at its heart, takes a deep subject--God's purpose and "free will"--and turns it into somewhat of a sci-fi/action/romance flick.  Matt Damon has managed to transformed himself into an incredible versatile actor over the last decade, and in "The Adjustment Bureau", he's completely believable as David Norris, while Emily Blunt is someone I've really taken a liking to over the last few years, first noticed in "The Devil Wears Prada" and shining in 2009's "Sunshine Cleaning", alongside with Amy Adams (whom I'm in love with). 

The movie has a stellar supporting cast as well, which includes John Slattery from "Mad Men" (I kept expecting him to light up a cigarette) as Richardson, one of the Bureau, character actor Anthony Mackie (he played Tupac in Hurricane Rhett's favorite film, the Biggie bio "Notorious") as Harry, the main "caseworker" with David and Elise's case, and Michael Kelly as Congressman Norris' campaign manager.

The action is great, the special effects aren't heavy but they really don't need to be, and the story itself is quite a premise... its that God... or The Chairman, as they call Him, has a certain plan in place, but if the caseworkers (or "angels" as someone calls them in the movie) aren't doing their jobs, things can go awry.  

This begs this question... We know that God is in control, we know that He knows our past and our future, but does He change His plans for us based on our reactions to what we are in the midst of, or does He ultimately have a desire for us to follow one path, but has another laid out before us because He understands that is the path we will take?

And that brings up the subject of Free Will itself.... or rather, Free Will vs. Predestination.  Okay, okay, let me give you full disclosure here.  I want to be honest with you and tell you... I don't really give a rip.  I mean, maybe I should.  I gave my heart and soul to Christ in January of 1995, and whether I chose Him freely or He had pre-determined that to be, doesn't matter to me, I am completely confident in my decision and stand by it.  So does He.

In the movie, David Norris confronts one of the higher-ups in The Bureau, and is told that they control everything, and what The Chairman wants to happen will happen because of their Chairman-directed guidance.  When Norris asks, "What about free will?", Thompson (Terence Stamp in a brilliantly played bad guy who is only bad because he's doing his job) essentially tells him, and I'm paraphrasing here, but says, "We were in control through the cro-magnon age and brought you into civilization, then let you have it.  You gave us the dark ages.  We took control again and brought you the Renaissance and the Age of Enlightenment, and then gave it back to you in the early 1900s, and in fifty years, you gave us two world wars, the depression and the holocaust.  We felt like we needed to step back in."  I'm sure that monologue itself is full of Biblical inaccuracies, but it was well written.

I was actually surprised about how much I liked this movie, and how well it handled the subject... there was a lot of room for error, and a lot of room to be offensive and polarizing to people of various faiths (mostly Christians), but it handled it well, only briefly dipping into the answers to those Free Will questions, but instead making the questions themselves the focus of the movie. 

Anthony Mackie (far left) walking next to John Slattery, from the Sterling
Cooper branch of The Adjustment Bureau.

Now, I will say this... I didn't like the very ending.  The movie was solid, the build-up was solid (if not a little predictable at points) and the climax was riveting... but the denouement was a let down.  Its a play on words to say "deus ex machina" but that's kinda what it was.  Actually, that's exactly what it was.  I also felt like they left a few unnecessary loose ends... at the end, I turned to The Lovely Steph Leann and said, "Poor Adrian.  What happened to that guy?"

Overall, most of the secular world will find it a pretty good film, perhaps a bit forgettable in the long run.  For those with belief in God, and His plan, I think you'll find it more interesting, if not thought provoking and worthy of discussion.  However, if that's not what you want, I don't think it will be deep enough to force that upon you.  Worth a matinee.

The language is minimal, though there is an F-Bomb in there, and the violence is also minimal.  There is a gettin' it on scene between the two main characters, though nothing is shown save for passionate faces. 

The 2011 Oscar Running Diary

Well, let's get it on, shall we!  Its time for our annual running diary of the Academy Awards.  I'm here in the recliner, laptop open, keyboard in lap, while The Lovely Steph Leann is over on the couch, snuggled up in a Snuggie, ready to go. 

She has been out a bridal shower in East Podunk, Alabama, so when the sat down, the first thing she saw while watching the Red Carpet special was Robert Downey Jr, and the first thing she said was, "Oh no!  He's wearing a navy blue suit?  Really?  Robert!"

Its time.

732p... a quick recap of the best picture nominees with some of the classic lines from the last year... "If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook." 

732p... we open with a classic parody of nominated movies, this time involving Oscar hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway, with an appearance by Alec Baldwin, first intersparsing themselves in Inception, then with The Social Network and then The Fighter.  They appear on a horse in a clip of True Grit (James Franco tells Jeff Bridges, as Rooster Cogburn, "Hey, I loved you in TRON!").

735p... Morgan Freeman and his voice!  More Alec Baldwin!  And James and Anne are in the Back to the Future DeLorean!  This is a fun little opening...

739p... James and Anne, who looks AB-SO-LUTE-LEE GOR-GEE-US by the way, hit the stage.  She even tells James, "You look very appealing... to a younger demographic..."   They banter back and forth, even talking to Anne's mom, and James' mom and grandma, who smiles and says, "I... just saw... Marky Mark..." 

Its common knowledge that Mark Wahlberg hates the Marky Mark reference, but he seems to go along with it with a smile, if not a smirk.

Tonight, they are going to be looking back at some great Oscar winners from the last century, and they kick this off with Gone with the Wind.  The Lovely Steph Leann absolutely loves this movie, all seven hours of it.

742p... Tom Hanks comes out, and discusses Gone With the Wind's awards in 1939.  And he also discusses those films who have previously won Art Direction and Cinematography, and says the last movie to win these two, plus Best Picture, was my 9th favorite film of all time, Titanic. 

Art Direction prize goes to "Alice in Wonderland".  Crap.  I'm 0-1 already.  I tell The Lovely Steph Leann that I picked "The King's Speech" and she says, "Really?  Kings Speech?   Hmmm..."

746p... Tom Hanks now introduces Cinematography, and the Oscar goes to, "Inception".  And again, I picked "The King's Speech".  I'm 0-2.  The Lovely Steph Leann just laughs.  She didn't pick the winners, she is just laughing at me.

750p... Commercial break.  I say, "Well, those goes my attempt at going 24-0.  I'm Oh for 2 right now."  She laughs, hard. 

751p... James and Anne greet us after the break, and introduce Kirk Douglas, who comes out with a cane, and gets an immediate standing ovation.  I have been watching Kirk Douglas movies since I was like, 3 years old, no joke.  He's struggling to talk, with the effects of a few strokes.  He tells James Franco, "You look much better out of the cave... and Anne Hathaway... SHE'S GORGEOUS!!  Where were you when I was making pictures?!"

752p... Kirk Douglas is doing the Supporting Actress Award... usually, last year's Supporting Actor gives out this years Supporting Actress, and vice versa, and the same with Actor/Actress.  I am wondering if they are letting screen legends do the acting awards?  That would be cool.

754p... So, the guy is just standing there with the golden envelope, while Kirk Douglas ribs Colin Firth and Hugh Jackman in the audience, and he opens the envelope and holds the winner in his hands, and just keeps talking.   We are cracking up here.

757p... The Oscar goes to Melissa Leo for The Fighter.  Now its a race to see how many in a row I can lose.   Standing next to Melissa Leo, Kirk Douglas says, "You are much more beautiful than you looked in The Fighter".   She starts stammering, and The Lovely Steph Leann whispers, "Get it together, dear, you don't have much time..."  She manages to even drop the F-bomb...

Mila on tonight's Red Carpet

8p... Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake come out together, and Mila Kunis might be the hottest dressed one here tonight.  They are doing the Best Animated Feature, and Best Animated Short... finally, at least I'll get one right!   For Best Animated Short, the winner is The Lost Thing.  Yay, 0-4. 

805p... And here's the Biggest Lock of the Night.  Toy Story 3.  When Mila makes the nominee announcement for Toy Story 3, the audience gives a huge applause.  Toy Story 3 wins.  Finally, I get on the board... 1-4.

812p... Anne meets us from the break, and tells us about the very first Academy Awards in 1929, happening at The Roosevelt Hotel, across from the Oscars current location, the Kodak Theater.

813p... Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem comes out together, to give the Adapted and Original Screenplay awards.  They also are dressed almost exactly alike.  Not a great look.  My picks for Adapted are The Social Network and The Kings Speech for Original.

814p... And the Oscar goes to... Aaron Sorkin for The Social Network!  I got 2 right!   Aaron comes up and gives a pleasant speech, and its based on a book called "The Accidental Billionaires".  I've got 2 credits built up on Audible.com, think I'll use one of them on this.   The orchestra starts to play, but doesn't play him off, because he keeps talking.

816p... Now, its Original Screenplay, and I went with The King's Speech.  Josh and Javier, the White Tux Twins, gives the Oscar to The Kings Speech.  I lost four in a row, but have now won three straight!! 

818p... David Seidler, who wrote The King's Speech, is probably in his 70s, and starts his speech with, "My father always said... I'll be a late bloomer..."  The audience, and us, laugh heartily.   The gave Kirk Douglas as much time as he wanted, because he's Kirk Douglas, but now they are having to play catch-up by rushing winning speeches.

823p... Anne, still smoldering, even though she's in a tux, is back from break.   She begins singing a version of "On My Own" (for Les Mis) calling out Hugh Jackman for standing her up for a duet she was supposed to sing.   James Franco comes out in a pink dress, blond wig and horrible lipstick, saying, "You wore a tux, I wore this.  Weird part is, I just got a message from Charlie Sheen..."

825p... Russell Brand and Helen Mirren, the most attractive 93 year old on Earth, come out together now.  Helen speaks French, Russell incorrectly "translates".  They are here to give Best Movie By a Dang Fer-ah-ner.  The winner is "In a Better World".  There goes my winning streak, and I'm 3-5 for the night.  The chick director is doing her best English, though I'm wondering how long they will let her talk before you hear the music... and there it is...

829p... And Ashley Judd Club member Reese Witherspoon comes out, looking so classy and awesome.  And she's here for the Best Supporting Actor.   I'll take Reese over Mo'nique (last years Supporting Actress winner) any day of the week, and fourteen times on Sunday.  And Monday.  And Wednesday.

Unshaved Christian Bale and his wife

830p... Unshaven Christian Bale is not a pleasant sight. 

830p... And the Oscar goes to Unshaven Christian Bale.  And his hair doesn't match his beard.  We might be 2 for 2 on F-Bombs from The Fighter tonight!

831p... How weird is it to hear Christian Bale speak in his native British tongue?  No joke. 

834p... So Christian looks over and acknowledges his wife, then stammers without saying her name.  The Lovely Steph Leann thinks Bale got choked up, but I think that Christian Bale just forgot his wife's name.  Seriously?

837p... Okay, so he just got choked up.  He teared up when talking about his daughter, choked up when discussing his wife, and plugged Dicky's website (the guy the his character was based on)  Fine, it was a good speech.

Bathroom break needed for both of us.  Show is on pause via DVR.   We are about 4.5 minutes behind... we'll catch up at the commercial break

843p... Here comes... well, I don't recognize them, but does it matter?  I dunno.  Its a little speech recognizing the marriage between ABC and The Academy Awards.   Shameless self promotions.

844p... Anne is out again, looking like... well, that dress is awkward.  Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman come out to award the award for Score.  We get a Sound history lesson, and an orchestra appears to play some of the more memorable scores from film.   I went with "The Social Network" on this.

847p... The winner is... Trent Reznor for "The Social Network".  Who da thunk five years ago that Nine Inch Nails would win an Oscar?  I loved Inception's score more, but I can deal with "Network".  I'm 5-5 for the night!  I'm coming back!

849p... Here comes the award for Sound Mixing and Sound Editing, with me picking Inception for both.  Seems like they would go hand in hand.   Here comes the very attractive Scarlett Johansson and the not so attractive Matthew McConaughey to give the awards... the winner of Mixing?  Inception.  The winner of Editing?  Inception?  Ha!  Seven wins for me! 

852p... I think to over/under for Christopher Nolan being thanked tonight is somewhere around 4,300.

856p... Back from break, Anne and James are introducing Marisa Tomei.  James Franco has a squinting problem.

856p... Marisa Tomei is in my All Time Most Beautiful Actresses Like, Ever Hall of Fame.  I love love love love love love Marisa Tomei.  She's telling us the tech awards that aren't shown on this broadcast.   James Franco says, "Congrats, nerds!"

858p... Every time I think Cate Blanchett is beautiful, she shows up not being so.  Tonight?  She's beautiful.  She tells us about Lord of the Rings, winner of the makeup award.  For makeup, its Rick Baker who has like, 87 Oscars.  Make it 88, and I got an 8th win tonight.   Daddy's on a roll, baby cakes!

859p... The Lovely Steph Leann likes to pick and choose the catagories she wants to predict, and out of the three she has picked, she's 3-0.  Of course, she picked Toy Story 3, which was as big of a lock as any award in history.  Which means she picked Alice in Wonderland for Costume Design, and that means its going to win.

901p... And the Oscar goes to?  Not True Grit, my pick, now making me 8-6 on the night.  Its Alice.

902p... The chick who won is reading her speech.  When was the last time anyone actually read their speech?   She gets to the bottom of the page as the orchestra plays her offstage. 

903p... Favorite movie song?  Wow... "I've Had the Time Of My Life"... "Beauty and the Beast"... "How Do You Know" from Enchanted... "Against All Odds"... and He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected is onscreen, telling us "Time Goes By"?  What?  Random.

905p... Kevin Spacey is out to introduce the songs that are nominated... first is Randy Newman, who has his 20th nomination this year.  He's doing "We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3.  Next is Mandy Moore and Zach Levi to do "I See The Light" from Tangled... Zach Levi is a Christ Follower, by the way? 

907p... Mandy Moore is stunning, but Anne has her beat tonight.  (in fairness, Reese tops them both, Mila Kunis in that dress beats all three, and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, tops them all).  Zach Levi looks like a welfare Ben Affleck.  

909p... Commercial break!   Want to see an incredible Oscar song performance?  Click here.

911p... James Franco introduce Jake Gyllenhaal and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, and the are out to award Documentary Short Film.   Jake says it best in saying, "Shorts are also the hardest things to pick on your Oscar ballot... so see the shorts, and you might be a winner."   The Lovely Steph Leann isn't picking this catagory, by the way.   I chose "Killing in the Name", and the winner is "Strangers No More".  I'm 8-7 so far. 

912p... And now Best Live Action Short Film.  My pick was "God of Love" and WOO-HOO!  I picked that one!  Yeah!  I'm back!

Luke Matheny and his fro in a pre-Oscar photo op

916p... Luke Matheny is giving the speech for the win, looks about 7 feet tall and has a fro the size of Red Robin.  Awesome.  He races through the thank-yous, including his mom, who did craft services for the film.  Awesome speech. 

917p... James and Anne are back, and there's a sight gag on movies that aren't musicals that they parody into musicals... including "Harry Potter", "Toy Story 3" and Timberlake on "The Social Network".  This little montage should win Best Editing.   The Twilight spot is called "He Doesn't Own a Shirt", featuring Taylor Lautner.  That was funny.

919p... The next presenter?  Oprah.  Who's network is really struggling, by the way.   The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Oprah looks like she's putting on weight", and I respond, "Doesn't she always?"

920p... Oprah is giving out The Best Documentary of the Year award.  No news on whether Algore has given back the one he won for An Inconvenient Truth, which turned out be A Big Fat Piece of Crap.   The Oscar goes to?  Inside Job.  I picked Restrepo.  Apparently, Inside Job is about the banking and housing collapse, so had I known that, I would have gone with it.  These are the same people who won for the anti-Iraqi doc "No End in Sight".  And the speech bascially starts out with, "Rich people suck."

926p... Anne is back, looking all awesome and good looking, and she introduces former Oscar host--someone who did it best for years--Billy Crystal.  He even gets a standing ovation.  "The producers asked me to tell you that we are running long... so here's the nominees for Best Picture..."

928p... Its a look back at the first televised Oscars, with Bob Hope hosting it 18 times.  Billy Crystal has been out for 30 seconds, and he's the funniest thing tonight not named Kirk Douglas.   So now, we take a look back at the 25th Annual Academy Awards, hosted by Bob Hope.  Bob says, "The Academy Awards, or as its known at my house, Passover."  Its a hologram of Bob on the real Oscar podium, introducing what else...

931p... Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law come out to do Visual Effects.  Token shot at RDJ's ho filled past by Jude Law, mildly funny banter, and to the nominees we go!  I went with Inception... and the winner is... Inception.  During the clip, they showed the hallway fight scene, and the big tunnel made to do that scene--you can't show that and then not give Inception the award.  Its a techie sweep!  And I get my 10th win!  And... I still have 8 losses.  Boo.

934p... Film Editing is the next award.  I chose The Social Network, and the winner is... Facebook!  11-8!

937p... S'Ray just texted me the following:  The dress that the escort taking people off stage was
designed by Borris Powell... my high school drum major from the little town of Piedmont, Alabama.

940p... I asked "Is he a fashionista now?" and he replies, "He was on the red carpet tonight and reported that Valentino loved his design."  So, there ya go.

940p... James and Anne are back... Anne is ravishing in red.  James makes some innuendo jokes on movie titles (Winter's Bone?) and they introduce Jennifer Hudson, who then introduces the final two songs nominated for Best Song.  First is "If I Rise" from "127 Hours". 

942p... I am now going to sing the first part of "If I Rise"... "fa la wa wa la wa wa... fla wa lo lo la la..."

943p... Here's Gwynth Paltrow to sing her song from "Country Strong", the one I picked to win the award.   And the winner is?  The one I didn't think would get it, Randy Newman's "We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3.  I'm 11-9 on the night, and The Lovely Steph Leann is irritated that the Tangled song didn't win.

948p... Twenty noms, only his 2nd win.  That's kinda wrong.

949p... The Lovely Steph Leann is still railing against Tangled's loss.

951p... Just saw on Facebook... Discussing the chick who sang the song from "127 Hours", Amarylis By Morning (up from san antone) says, "I want Florence from Florence and the Machine to go to Melissa Clark and get a new hairstyle.."

952p... Celine Dion brings us back from break, and its the In Memorium montage.  Celine Dion looks like she's 54, trying desperately to look 34.   So far, no applause for anyone yet, even though they showed Tony Curtis already. 

Corey Haim.  December 23, 1971 to
March 10th, 2010.  Rest in Peace, Lost
Boy, Rest in Peace.

953p... With no applause for Leslie Nielsen, I am now guessing they have the Applause-o-Meter turned off.  There's no way Leslie doesn't get a round of clapping.   Don't know who Susanna York is, but she had bad teeth.  Hope that didn't contribute to her death...

955p... My guess would be that Dennis Hopper and Blake Edwards would get the biggest round of applause for the night, but no clapping until the very end.  Out comes Halle Berry to tell us about Lena Horne, who died this past year.  She gets a good tribute, and we fade to commercial...

958p... No Corey Haim.  That's tragic.

1001p... The show is officially running long.  Anne Hathaway is in a deep blue silky looking gown.  She introduces Hillary Swank, who is a... gulp... two time (!) Academy Award winner!

1002p... Last year's Best Director, Kathyrn Bigalow, who won for "The Hurt Locker", is out to give away Best Director.   The Oscar goes to... Tom Hooper, for "The King's Speech".  This now seals Speech as Best Picture, if you ask me.  I picked Fincher for "The Social Network", so now I'm 11 wins, 10 losses.  Forget beating my all time record, I'll be lucky to finish above 500...

1005p... James looks like he's on drugs.  He brings out Annette Bening.  She tells us about The Governor's Awards, which is a Lifetime Achievement ceremony for legendary Hollywoodians.  Eli Wallach is one shown given an award, as is Frances Ford Coppola.  I personally like doing a special tribute to someone on the actual show itself, though they do bring out Eli, Frances and another honoree to the stage.  They get standing ovations, of course.

1011p... James and Anne introduce Jeff Bridges to give Best Actress.  The show is in full "We are behind!" mode, so things are speeding up.   He mentions Annette Bening's nomination... as much as I hated "The Kids are All Right", I think Julianne Moore was ten times better than Annette.  

1014p... I like how Jeff Bridges is talking to each nominee, not just saying their name and their movie, but discussing how good each of them were.   I'm sure the Oscars' producers are like "hurry it up, Jeff!" because he's taking forever, but its cool.

1016p... And the Oscar goes to... Princess Padme Amidala.  I picked Annette Bening to win, and I'm absolutely fine that she didn't.  I know, I know, "Black Swan" is sort of a gay ballet movie too, but its got to be better than "The Kids are All Right".   11-11

1018p... So, right in the middle of Natalie Portman's speech... not only does my internet go down, but my Dish Network goes down as well. 

1021p... Apparently, someone introduced Sandra Bullock during the outage, because here she is.  She mentions Javier Bardem, then turns to Jeff Bridges and says, "Dude, you already won this.  Let someone else win this for a change."  True Grit was a great film, by the way.  She tells Jesse Eisenberg in saying, "You've inspired lonely young men hunched over keyboards around the world." 

1025p... And the Oscar goes to... The President and Founding Member in Good Standing of The Colin Firth Club.  The Lovely Steph Leann cheers loudly, claps and waves her hands as Colin Firth accepts the Academy Award for Best Actor for his performance in "The King's Speech."   So I'm pretty confident I'll get the Best Picture win, making me 13-11 for the night.

1027p... Colin Firth gives a classy, eloquent, funny and well spoken acceptance.  The Lovely Steph Leann is giggling like a 4th grader.   Well done, Colin, well done.

1029p... The Best Motion Picture Oscar is up next, after these messages.

1032p... James and Anne shout, "Steven Spielberg!"  He comes out, and has in his hand an envelope that contains three words:  "The" "Kings" "Speech".  Ten best picture nominees.  While seeing Colin Firth do his King's Speech in the King's Speech, we see clips from all the Best Picture nominees. 

1034p... Who, besides K-Dub, would have ever expected to hear the words "Best Picture Nominee" and "Justin Timberlake" in the same sentence?   Said with a straight face?

1035p... "The King's Speech" takes the Oscar.  I finish the night 13-11, a horrible showing.  The Lovely Steph Leann cheers on the picture win.

So there is the Oscars.  James Franco and Anne Hathaway say goodnight... James seems like he was a little bothered by the whole hosting thing,  but Anne sounded like she was having the time of her life the entire show. 

We finish the show by having a kids choir sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and the Oscar winners for the night come out all together, making a pretty cool visual, many of them holding up their Oscars. 

And that's a wrap.  Thanks for reading, see you this week...

This Year's Oscar Winners

So, here are the winners in the 2011 Academy Awards.... as I go 24-0 tonight.  I think the most I've ever gotten correct was 20, so this year, we go undefeated!

The Minor Catagories

(not minor to the winners, obviously, but still...)

Film Editing

Nominees:  127 Hours... Black Swan... The Fighter... The King's Speech... The Social Network

I think this comes down to 127 Hours and The Social Network, but I tend to think its Facebook's night.  Winner:  The Social Network

Cinematography

Nominees:  Black Swan... Inception... The King's Speech... The Social Network... True Grit

Because Inception was so much computer work, I think this knocks it out of contention.  I think it comes to The Kings Speech and True Grit

Winner:  The Kings Speech

Art Direction

Nominees:  Alice in Wonderland... Harry Potter 7.1... Inception... The King's Speech... True Grit

Because I know little about this catagory, and for that matter, the two preceeding it here, its a crap shoot. 

Winner:  The King's Speech

Visual Effects

Nominees:  Alice In Wonderland... Harry Potter 7.1... Hereafter... Inception... Iron Man 2

Yes, Alice might give Inception a run for its money... but no.

Winner:  Inception

Sound Mixing

Nominees:  Inception... The King's Speech... Salt... The Social Network... True Grit

Again, I have to give this to the loudest film around...

Winner:  Inception

Sound Editing

Nominees:  Inception... Toy Story 3... TRON: Legacy... True Grit... Unstoppable

As much as I'd love to see the Denzel Train movie get an Academy award, I'm predicting a techno sweep for Chris Nolan's sci-fi instant classic

Winner:  Inception

Costume Design

Nominees:  Alice in Wonderland... I Am Love... The King's Speech... Tempest... True Grit

I don't know what the heck I Am Love and Tempest even are... yes, I know, Tempest is a Shakespeare play, but I only vaguely know of a new movie from it.  Really, I think it comes to Alice or Speech, though I wouldn't be surprised if True Grit picked this one up...

Winner:  True Grit

Makeup

Nominees:  Barney's Version... The Way Back... Wolfman

If its Rick Baker involved, and I think it is, then Wolfman easy

Winner:  Wolfman

Live Action Short Film

Nominees:  The Confession... The Crush... God of Love... Na Wewe... Wish 143

I have no clue.  I always pick one, then find out another's subject is something like "a story of a man who is fighting global warming along with the injustices of Bush's senseless war", and then wish I'd picked that one to win (which it always does).  So, who knows.

Winner:  God of Love

Animated Short Film

Nominees:  Day & Night... The Gruffalo... Let's Pollute... The Lost Thing... Madagascar, Carnet de Voyage

I want Day & Night to win this badly, because it was amazing.  This was the short airing before Toy Story 3, and it was not only good in 2D, it was brilliant in 3D.  But Let's Pollute sounds like a cautionary tail of how much we are ruining our planet, and by "we", I mean us Americans.

Winner:  Let's Pollute

Documentary Short

Nominees:  Killing in the Name... Poster Girl... Strangers No More... Sun Come Up... The Warriors of Qiugang

I'm torn between Killing in the Name and The Warriors of Qiugang... not that I know a single thing about either one of them, but they both sound just leftist enough that Hollywood would vote for them.

Winner:  Killing in the Name

THE MID-GRADE CATAGORIES

(ie, not as big as Picture and Actor, but bigger than editing and sound)

Documentary Feature

Nominees:  Exit Through the Gift Shop... Gasland... Inside Job... Restrepo... Waste Land

I wanted to go with "Exit Through the Gift Shop", because I have heard alot about this film, but that doesn't always translate into Oscar gold. 

Winner:  Restrepo

Original Score

Nominees:  127 Hours... How to Train Your Dragon... Inception... The King's Speech... The Social Network

As much as the music from Inception and Speech kept me captivated, and yeah, the Dragon music was cool, I think Trent Reznor picks up the win.

Winner:  The Social Network

Original Song

Nominees:  "If I Rise" from 127 Hours... "Coming Home"  from Country Strong... "I See the Light" from Tangled... "We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3

I think Randy Newman would love to add another Oscar to his collection with his Toy Story 3 song, but the problem is, most people don't remember that song.  With Toy Story, "Strange Things" and "You Got a Friend in Me" were instantly memorable, but this one, not so much.  Of course, I would love to see "I See the Light" pick this up, but I'm afraid the two Disney songs will cancel each other out, much like 2007, when the injustice of seeing both of "Enchanted"'s songs defeated by "Falling Slowly" from that random Keri Russell film. 

Winner:  "Coming Home" from Country Strong

Foreign Language Film

Nominees:  Biutiful (Mexico)... Dogtooth (Greece)... In a Better World (Denmark)... Incendies (Canada)... Outside the Law (Hors-la-Loi) (Algeria)

With all the hype surrounding Biutiful, I don't know how it doesn't pick this up.  Not that I know anything about it, but Javier Bardem being nominated for Best Actor tells me its on the radar.

Winner: Biutiful from Mexico

The Big Ones

(these are the ones everyone wants to see)

Best Animated Feature

Toy Story 3.   Doesn't matter who else is nominated.

Original Screenplay

Nominees:  Another Year... The Fighter... Inception... The Kids are Alright... The Kings Speech

You know, I don't really care who wins this, but it would warm my heart if The Kids are Alright was shut out completely.  Unfortunately, that won't happen.  Read on.

Winner:  The Kings Speech

Adapted Screenplay

Nominees:  127 Hours... The Social Network... Toy Story 3... True Grit... Winter's Bone

I'm going with the huge consensus here, a book that I hope that I can read soon

Winner:  The Social Network

Supporting Actress

Nominees:  Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with (The Fighter)... Helena Bonham Carter (The King's Speech)... Melissa Leo (The Fighter)... Hailee Steinfeld (True Grit)... Jacki Weaver (Animal Kingdom)

This is a three way race, and probably one of the most unpredictable races tonight.   Let's eliminate Jacki Weaver, she's a "its an honor to be nominated" nominee, and Helena Bonham Carter, because she was great, but she was a background character.  The thought is that Hailee Steinfeld might pull an upset if Melissa Leo and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, split their vote for The Fighter.  Truly, though, Hailee Steinfeld was amazing, especially for being like, 14.  And really, she should have been up for Best Actress because she was in most of True Grit, and she was brilliant in it, but in Supporting Actress, she has a shot.  However, my Hollywood girlfriend would be upset if I picked against her...

Winner:  Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with

Supporting Actor

Nominees:  Christian Bale (The Fighter)... John Hawkes (Winter's Bone)... Jeremy Renner (The Town)... Mark Ruffalo (The Kids are Alright)... Geoffrey Rush (The King's Speech)

Here's who might win... Mark Ruffalo, because he was pretty good in what is truly a big, fat gay movie that Hollywood loves.  Or, Geoffrey Rush, because he was so good in The King's Speech, in a flawless performance.  However, here's who should, and will, win...

Winner:  Christian Bale

Director

Nominees:  Darren Aronofsky (Black Swan)... David O. Russell (The Fighter)... Tom Hooper (The King's Speech)... David Fincher (The Social Network)... The Coen Brothers (True Grit)

Aronofsky and The Coen Brothers won't win this.  David O. Russell won't win this.  Tom Hooper is too new to win this.  That leaves...

Winner:  David Fincher for The Social Network

Best Actress

Nominees:  Annette Bening (The Kids are Alright)... Nicole Kidman (Rabbit Hole)... Jennifer Lawrence (Winter's Bone)... Natalie Portman (Black Swan)... Michelle Williams (Blue Valentine)

I cannot wait to see Blue Valentine, because the words I have heard about Michelle Williams are words like "devastating", "heartbreaking" and "crushing".  Not a happy movie, but I would tend to think she probably is the Best Actress this year, even having not seen it.  But, she won't win.  Neither will Kidman or Lawrence, for their movies that are so little seen.  This comes down to Natalie Portman and Annette Bening.  Portman might win it, as she's the odds on favorite, but she might run into one problem:  Annette Bening is one of those actresses that Hollywood feels like should have already won an Oscar.  So, no matter the performance of Portman, it might fall prey to both a "My bad" from the Oscar community, giving her more of a lifetime award than a "good job this movie" prize, and a "We need to give this year's gay movie something, so this gets two birds with one stone".  Personally, I thought The Kids are Alright was not alright, but if you are going to give this award to someone from that film, give it to Julianne Moore.  She was better, and yet, not even nominated.  Tragic.

Winner:  Annette Bening

Best Actor

Nominees:  Javier Bardem (Biutiful)... Jeff Bridges (True Grit)... Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network)... Colin Firth (The King's Speech)... James Franco (127 Hours)

Count out Bardem, Bridges and Franco right now.  This is a two way race between Eisenberg and Firth, and I really think Colin Firth will win this.  The sentiment might be that Eisenberg is just getting going, and he'll have other times, but Firth is respected and has been around a long time... but this won't be a lifetime achievement award as with Annette Bening, this is for a stellar performance.  Plus, if Colin Firth loses this, The Lovely Steph Leann might be so angry she would throw a Wii-mote through the television.  Bad times.

Winner:  Colin Firth

Best Picture

Nominees:  127 Hours... Black Swan... The Fighter... Inception... The Kids are All Right... The King's Speech... The Social Network... Toy Story 3... True Grit... Winter's Bone

Let's cut this down fast.... the only movies that have a shot at this are Inception, The Kids are All Right, The Kings' Speech and The Social Network.   It would be a pretty big upset, though if either Kids or Inception took home the prize, so its Speech or Facebook.  The sentimental pick is Speech, because its an Oscar kind of movie... however, Social Network represents almost a "new era" of Hollywood, and could be ushering in the Oscars into modern times, something the Grammy's haven't figured out yet.  Anyway, I wouldn't be upset with either one winning, but I'm giving the nod to...

Winner:  The King's Speech