It's always a magical day at The Happiest Place in the Mall. Somedays just happen to be more magical than others, really. This doesn't preclude an admission of a bad day, not in the least... in fact, it was a pretty good day. Except for about, oh, 13 minutes or so around 2pm.
The Lovely Steph Leann always cracks up when I tell her my "guest" stories, because usually I do the voices and everything (especially if the guest is a dern feraner, in which I imitate accents--I've never claimed to be politically correct) but she's in Odenville for the weekend, so I'll have to do my voices later for her.
I had just sent The Dainty Steph Halpert on her break for the afternoon, leaving myself behind the register, and our Magical Manager at the other register. We had quite a line building, so I turned on the magic for each and every guest buying things from Pull String Woodys to Percy and Tito plush (2 for $20!).
An older, well dressed, seemingly well to do gentlemen stepped up with a plastic grocery sack in his hand, and usually when they bring a bag to the box office register, I can tell when someone is returning something, so I happily said, "Hi. How are ya?"
"Miserable," said the older man. He was probably in his 50s, maybe early 60s, blazer, stiff collar, slightly balding, perhaps 5'7, maybe a little taller, mustache. "Sorry about that, so how can I make your day a little more magical?"
He then proceeds to pull out a little snowglobe... well, half of one. Its about two inches in diameter, with a pinkish base standing about two inches tall. Upon the base sits a ceramic Tinkerbell, with some other little decor around her. If this were a brand new Tinkerbell mini-snowglobe, she would be encased in a small glass sphere, filled with water and glitter. This particular one had no glass, though... this one had little jagged pieces of glass jutting out in a circle around the top rim of the base.
Mr. Personality then hands me the snowglobe. Fully aware of what is wrong, I grasp the bottom of the base carefully so as not to, you know, slice my fingers open. He then says, after he's already released it and I have it safely in my hands, "Be careful, there is glass on it."
"Well, what can I do for you, sir?" I ask.
"For starters, you can replace it," he sternly says, almost as if he expected that to be the last word, and I would simply say, "YES SIR!" and hand over another one.
"Can you tell me what happened?" I then asked.
Normally, when I ask this question, at least with a snowglobe in question, I get "Yes, we bought this earlier and someone packed it wrong. It broke in the bag, and now all my other purchases are wet" or maybe "This fell off the shelf in the back" or even "It sprung a leak on me when I got home, and I had to smash it to keep glass from going everywhere" (I've heard all three of these at one time or another.)
No. Mr. Personality says, "Well, we bought this thing, got it home, and my granddaughter was holding it. She dropped it, and it smashed all over the floor. Glass went everywhere. Glass and water. So, I'd like you to replace it."
I stared at him for a few seconds. Finally, I spoke, watching my words carefully, making sure I understood what he just told me. "So... you had this at home, and your granddaughter dropped it. It broke. And you'd like us to give you another one."
"Yep. Slipped right out of her hands."
"Sir..." I began, trying not to actually smile. How could I state what the obvious response was, without sounding condescending? "I can't replace this if you broke it at home. It's not a toy. It's a snowglobe."
"What?" Mr. Personality looked at me with an angry glare. "My granddaughter is three years old, and she was playing with it. It shouldn't have broken!"
"Uh... sir, its a snowglobe. It's considered a collectable. Its glass, you drop it, its going to break." Okay, to the Coffee Drinkers reading this, I know how incredibly rude this sounds. Seriously, though, I was trying to be as absolutely genuine as I possibly could be... but still...
He stared at me again, and finally, angrily said, "Give me the number to your home office right now." I smiled and said, "Sure." I got the number and wrote it on a piece of paper. "And here is my name and our store number, in case you need to reference it." I wrote my name down for him, and our store information and handed it off to him.
"I'll be making a call to your home office about this. This is ridiculous." He grabbed his bag, stormed off and left.
Understand this about me. Very, very few things surprise me. I find out that a marriage breaks up, I find out that someone is pregnant, I find out that a business is closing or a once-loved celebrity is actually a celebutard or so-and-so is doing this-and-that... I've been around enough "Holy crap" moments to not be surprised at much of anything anymore, for better or for worse. So this guy being a jerkweed for a snowglobe that was broken outside of our control didn't surprise me in the least. Its the nature of retail.
That being said, I do get rattled from time to time. And after Mr. Personality stormed off, I was a little rattled. I wasn't upset, I wasn't hurt, I didn't take it personally, but my brain was a little haywire for a minute or two at the idiocy of someone buying something perfectly constructed, taking it home, breaking it, purposeful or not, then coming back to get their money back. Seriously, who does that?
Here's where things are a little blurry... mostly because my brain was a little rattled. I don't know if it was the very next guest, or a few guests later, but a young lady walked up, put two Power Ranger blasters and a couple of other things on the counter. I smiled and said, "Hi ma'am, did you find everything you need today?"
"If you call me ma'am again, I'll have to come across that counter at you," she smiled. Brain rattled, I didn't take this is a "friendly jab", I took this as a "another guest who just ain't happy." I fumbled my response, I think I tried to make some joke about calling her "Young girl" instead of "ma'am", but it came out all wrong.
When she handed me the credit/debit card to pay, I asked for ID like I always do when presented with a plastic form of payment. She gave me a weird look, then her face fell a little, then she handed me her driver's license.
"Shay Conway" was the name on the card. And my stomach dropped.
You know how we all have that little guy or girl in our brains, pushing the buttons--they are the ones that push the buttons to clear your head, or to make you understand something suddenly, or to tell you "Hey, my arm is bleeding and it hurts", or even when they are feeling frisky, they'll push ALL the buttons at one time when you are almost asleep so suddenly your entire body does that violent jerk thing in bed and suddenly you're awake again? You know, that guy?
Well, the little guy in my brain somehow set the reset button and everything became crystal clear. It was Shay Conway. Formerly Shaw Oliver.
A few weeks ago, I found this chick online from my high school days on Facebook, named DeAnn Weston. I met her on my senior cruise in the Bahamas, and after the cruise, DeAnn and I remained friends, and I befriended some of her friends, including Shay Oliver. Me and Shay, we went out a few times, it was a fun couple of dates (one of which to see "Indecent Proposal", which is better than "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!" which we saw later), we kept up with each other for a while after that, but then, I went to one school, she went to another, we lost touch.
So, imagine my surprise when, through DeAnn, I find Shay Oliver, though now she's Conway--or maybe she found me, I dunno--on Facebook. We post on each other's wall a few times, and finally, we end up having a Facebook chat where we caught up... we discussed life then and now, rehashed a few old memories, she gushed about her husband and kids, I gushed about The Lovely Steph Leann, and she said next time she was in Birmingham, she'd come into The Happiest Place in the Mall and say hello. I told her it was imperative that she did, even if it was just to get a snapshot for my "Me And..." photo album online.
And now, here she was, standing in front of me, and I didn't even know who she was. I told her, "If we weren't so busy, I'd have to come around and talk to you!" She signed her credit card slip, hands shaking--she then said, "I've got really low blood sugar right now, so I've got to get something to eat pretty quickly." She handed me back the pen, grabbed her bag and turned away. "Go to the food court! Get some food!" I said after her. "See you soon!" She waved her hand, a casual "eh" kind of wave and said, "Yeah, see you later."
I felt like a complete tool. How could I not recognize her? Well, for starters, I haven't seen her since the summer of 1993, and I had just had an undesirable interaction with the principal of a local charm school, so that didn't help... but, no excused.
So... right here, in front of the ones of tens of people that read this blog, I say to you, Shay Conway... I'm sorry. I should have recognized you. I had quite an experience moments before you got up to pay, but that's not an excuse. I always harken back to Baby's father, Dr. Houseman, when he approached Johnny and Baby after the big "Had the Time of My Life" dance... "When I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong." I hope you forgive me, and come back to see me at The Happiest Place in the Mall! (by the way, did you know that Baby is going to be 50 next March? Whaaaa???? FIFTY!!)
Wanna know how it all ended? Well, glad you asked...
Mr. Personality came back in about fifteen minutes later, this time, bringing his wife, Mrs. Congeniality. Instead of coming to my line, they head to our Magical Manager, behind the other register. Mr. Personality pulls out the same snowglobe, hands it to her in the same manner, and says, "I've changed my mind, I want this exchanged."
"Did it break here in our store?"
"No, it broke at home. My granddaughter was holding it, and it slipped out of her fingers and it broke," said Mr. Personality.
"And it landed on carpet!" said Mrs. Congeniality, "and it still broke!"
"Uh... I can't replace something that you broke at your house..." said our Magical Manager.
"Why not! It broke! You have these things set out like toys!" said Mr. Personality.
"I'm sorry sir, but its a snowglobe. That would be like my cat jumping on a table, breaking something and me trying to take it back. I can't just give you a replacement on something that broke in your house," said Magical Manager.
"I don't believe this!" said Mrs. Congeniality. "There aren't any signs set up around them or anything!"
"Ma'am, its a snowglobe. Its glass." said our Magical Manager.
(for reference, The Dainty Steph Halpert and I checked the mini snowglobe fixture a little while later, after I relayed the story, and everyone of them had a little tag on it with a long paragraph of instruction and warning, instructions that began with the words "This is not a toy...")
Keep in mind that I'm currently ringing up more guests, having a very fun and friendly conversation with someone who is headed to The Happiest Place on Earth in a week or so, trying to talk over the ever increasing volume of Mr. Personality and Mrs. Congeniality.
"It's fifteen dollars! We spend hundreds of dollars in this store all time, and you're going to lose my money over fifteen dollars?" said Mrs. Congeniality.
"I'm sorry, but I cannot give you a refund or an exchange on a product you purchased here, took home and broke. If it was broken here, or the item was broken when you got it home, that would be one thing, but your granddaughter dropped it and it broke. Its glass, its going to break!" said our Magical Manager. Inside, my inner sista is yelling "Yeah! You tell her! You go girl!"
"I heard they were so cheap that Disney is going to replace them with plastic anyway! That's how cheaply made they are!" said Mrs. Congeniality.
Our Magical Manager just kind of stared at her, and I even looked over, with a "What?" expression.
"Yeah, you've had so many people bring them back and complain about them, they are going to make them with plastic instead of glass. You don't even know what's in your products, do you?"
(again, for reference, I discovered the source of this little nugget of info... we had another guy on the stage, greeting people, and when I was telling him the story, and how Mrs. Congeniality had said something about Disney replacing the product, he said, "What?! No! They came in, and told me about it, and I just said that we had had several of them broken by other guests, so they were doing a stronger glass, so it would be hard like plastic... you know, like the Buzz Lightyear mini snowglobe--it has much harder glass! I never said they were going to replace it! What the crap!?")
With one last closing statement, sounding something like, "Well, Magical Manager (she used our managers name, fyi) I'm going to tell everyone I know how you run your business and to never come in this store again! I'm never spending another cent in here!", Mrs. Congeniality and Mr. Personality took back their sad, broken little snowglobe and exited quickly.
Both the next guests who stepped up to my register and stepped up to our Magical Manager's register told each of us something along the lines of "Well, that was just rude, I would never do that." We both were commended on how we handled it.
Furthermore, I typed this blog tonight as a both a slice o'life story (and if Mrs. Congeniality or Mr. Personality happen to be your pawpaw or uncle or what have you, and you hear a completely different story about how terrible we were, then just take to heart what I said. This is what happened) and an apology to Shay Conway. When I'm wrong, I say I'm wrong... at least to Shaycon. To Mr. & Mrs., you two are poopyheads, and I do believe The Happiest Place in the Mall will survive without your "hundreds of dollars" that you seem to have spent while I am not there, even though I'm there at least 40+ hours per week. And I'm not wrong.
PS... Shaycon posted a note on Facebook tonight, after I had almost finished writing this, and told her story of coming to Birmingham with low blood sugar, and what a terrible day it had been... she even wrote:
I remember standing in line for the register and thinking it isn't normal for a person to be trembling like this. So I get to the register and have a brief conversation with an old friend, even though he didn't recognize me at first! Sorry if I was rude!
Well, there you have it. Maybe I wasn't wrong. My apology stands.
Showing posts with label Tinkerbell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tinkerbell. Show all posts
Reports from The Happiest Place on Earth
So, here's our Walt Disney World vacation for our 5th Anniversary, 2009. I tried to figure out the best way to tell it without rambling, but the best way really was just tell some stories. Read the ones you want, skip the ones you don't, but along the way, I'll give you some great Disney tips and perhaps some food reports too... it might be two columns, it might be four, who knows... but, here we go...
I love seeing Cinderella's castle at the beginning of any of my Disney vacations. The broad base and moat, the tall blue spires that reach towards the heavens in... well, for lack of a better term, a majestic fashion. I know the castle doesn't do this for everyone.
Different things excite different people. I could care less about U2, I think Rammer Jammer is stupid and though I can dig on "Hey Ya!", its not my favorite joint... but in the same way that Mikey gets excited when he hears the opening notes of "With or Without You" in a U2 concert, or in the same way that Tyler Campbell jumps for joy when Rammer Jammer starts blaring from the band or in the same way that Mindy D'A starts breakin' it down when "Hey Ya" comes on the radio, I am about Disney World. (granted, I'm not sure that Mindy D'A breaks anything down when she hears OutKast, but I thought I'd name drop)
There's so much to tell in any trip to The Happiest Place on Earth, especially one that starts on a Thursday night, and doesn't end until Saturday of the following week. This was planned to be the 5th Anniversary vacation for myself and The Lovely Steph Leann--we had honeymooned here the first week of March, 2004, for 4 days before embarking on a 3 day Disney Cruise, so we thought a return for our fifth year kickoff would be grand. We'd already been 2 times in between, but who's counting.
Well, along the planning stages, somehow, someway, The Lovely Steph Leann's mom, Ruth, and Aunt Becky worked their way into the trip. Being a manager assistanty type person, a part payment for my hard earned work is the ability to get myself and three others into the parks pretty much most of the time. So, for you math skolurs out there, take myself, add The Lovely Steph Leann, throw in my just wonderful mother in law and now the aunt, and that makes four.
Discussions where had, compromises were negotiated, and no matter how I did or didn't feel about the entire thing, it was what it was, it is what it is, and Ruthy Campbell was paying for gas, so there ya go.
The thought was to leave late, late Thursday night, possibly around 10 or 11pm, drive all through the night and arrive at The Magic Kingdom around 8ish or so. The women would sleep in the car, I could drive the trip, and the next day, I'd be dead tired, but hey, I've done the whole "up for what feels like a bajillion hours" before. Well, we're taking this behemoth of a vehicle, a GMC Yukon, the type of SUV that cars like Toni Rocki Honda would actually orbit around, and I'm just not comfortable driving something that unfamiliar.
So, in my brilliance, I called up The Lovely Steph Leann a few days prior to departing, and suggested that we leave earlier, and get a room for Thursday night. She agreed, I called down and though Pop Century was completely full, we upgraded slightly for a night at Port Orleans Riverside...
...which is cool because we'd never stayed at Port Orleans Riverside. Its kind of my thing now, I want to try to stay in the different hotels at some point, with the ultimate dream of mine being The Polynesian, with all its tropical atmosphere and tiki towers rising through the lobby. We stayed at Animal Kingdom Lodge for a night in September of last year, when we went with our friends DeLisa and DeNick, and it was glorious.
Problem was, we actually didn't quite get out of town until around 6pm, or after, and truthfully, when you have three women picking at each other about which direction to head, and who it is to blame for why we left so late and so on and so forth, its easier to just sit in the back seat, plug in my earbuds, and keep quiet.
After all this, we finally rolled up into Disney World, or at least Port Orleans Riverside, around 430, maybe 5am Eastern Time. Check out at the hotel was 11am, and we hadn't even checked in yet. I laid my head to rest around 530p, The Lovely Steph Leann didn't get to lay down until closer to 6am. We slept until around 9, then had to get up and pack up the few things that we had taken out. It might be silly to pay for a room for only a few hours, but trust me, that sleep was invaluable--I wouldn't have traded it for anything.
We strolled into Pixie Hollow, which is located in Toontown...
...more specifically, the County Bounty, a huge pavilion of gifts and stuff. To the right side of the County Bounty, once you enter the big doors, you'll see two queues, one to meet princesses, and the other to meet fairies. We got in line, and for the first time, was able to meet Tinkerbell (who called my pin lanyard 'flitterific') and her fairy BFFs Silvermist and Rosetta.
FOOD!!! That night we ate at 1900 Park Fare, which is located at The Grand Floridian Resort & Spa, at Cinderella's Royal Gala. Quite simply, its this huge buffet topped off with table visits by Cinderella, her boo Prince Charming, the Wicked Stepmother, and the two stepsisters, Drisella and Anastacia. The two stepsisters are my favorites, though, because they always seem to really play it up great.
Dessert was marvelous
Dinner for me consisted of yummy creamed potatoes and a large hunk of sliced roast beast, some mac & cheese, some other foods I can't think of, a bowl of chilled strawberry soup, and several little bitesized cheesecake tarts, berry tarts and chocolately junk. It was a-may-zing.
After just passing out within ten minutes of getting to Room 240 at Pop Century, I slept like a baby. And since we went slower on Friday, we had to be up early on Saturday to hit the ground running... and Saturday...
TOY STORY MIDWAY MANIA!!! This was a ride we had been unable to ride last September due to the fact the wait was up to 3 hours in length. I had heard this ride was just unbelievably a fun ride to be on, so I wanted to prove it for myself... The Lovely Steph Leann and I raced... well, I say raced, but you have to understand, The Lovely Steph Leann doesn't run. She just doesn't. I was talking with The Dainty Steph Halpert earlier tonight, and she agreed, "Yeah, Stephanie doesn't run. I'm sure of that."
So when I say "race", we really just walked kinda fast. We got there and immediately got our fast passes, then immediately jumped in the currently-only-20-minute-wait-but-soon-to-grow-to-hours line. The queue is fascinating, as its as if your a toy sized being walking through Andy's room... everything is enlarged, from the crayons to the Tinkertoys to the Barrel o'Monkeys to the Scrabble game on the ceiling. In the back is Mr. Potato Head, telling jokes and singing and welcoming one and all to Toy Story Midway Mania.
Finally, we get to the ride, and are just giddy... seriously, we've heard from a ton of people that the ride is great, but truly, we really don't have much of an idea of what we'll be doing. We get in to the little car, both of us sitting behind brightly colored "guns" with a little pull string coming out of it. We throw on our 3D glasses, and suddenly are whirled in front of a screen with Woody and Jessie, as they tell us its time to practice. Pull back on the string, and a little "ball" flies across the screen, smashing "paint" all over a plate Jessie is holding.
Hold on... this is... kinda cool... this is really, really cool!
The little car zips around through various scenes, and we shoot ducks and plates and balloons and we try to ring the little alien guys and it was 100% incredible awesome. It was a ride you wanted to continue, so as soon as it ended, we hung out in the Pixar area until our fastpasses allowed us to ride it again. Over the course of our vacation, we rode Toy Story Mania five times.
We headed over to The Beauty and the Beast stage show, which is about 30 minutes in length, but is worth it. The colors are vibrant, the music is great--yes, the songs are somewhat condensed, but its enough "Gaston" to whet your appetite--and the dancing is top notch. Plus, its a great chance to sit and relax, especially since the theater is covered, during the summer months it will be awesome. Another show that is along the same lines, though not quite as good is "The Voyage of the Little Mermaid", which is simply the Little Mermaid story.
Ursula looks cool, but beyond that, its just a so-so show. Its a good wake up, though, when onstage the ship is in the storm, and in the audience, you get rained on. Sprinkles, really, but it will make you wet. Beware.
They just started The American Idol Experience at Hollywood Studios, which both The Lovely Steph Leann and I jumped at. Earlier in the day, we passed the audition area, where you could sing for the judges to try and get on the show, but The Lovely Steph Leann refused to do so.
Though the "grand opening" wasnt until the next week, February 14th, they were showing "preview shows" all week. We filed in, and the stage looks like what the American Idol stage probably looks like in real life. There was a judges table, with the Coke containers sitting so you could clearly read "Coke".
The stage is set. The contestants are here. The dream is alive. THIS. IS. AMERICAN IDOL (lite)
A guy comes out, energizes the crowd and tells us how it all works (apparently, they do this on the real show too)... quite simply, three people perform, that being three guests who auditioned and were chosen. The audience picks the winner. Our host comes out, this chick with long legs and a bit too much makeup, and three judges come out, two girls and a non-British guy on the end.
Since its a preview day, the prizes won't be awarded today, but apparently, there will be four shows per day. The first three shows each produce a winner that goes on to the 7pm "Finals" show. The winner of that show, crowned the best singer of the day, gets a special "golden ticket" that allows her to go to any Idol audition in the country, and go directly to the front of the line.
The first girl to come perform is like, 15 or 16, and she does a great job even though she is singing "Colors of the Wind", on of my least favorite songs. The next guy does a forgettable country song (as in, I actually don't remember what it was) and the third chick does a loud version of "Independence Day". She starts off great, but loses it toward the end, but the crowd goes nuts anyway. The Lovely Steph Leann voted for the third chick, I went with the first one, but the third chick won out.
I got to meet Frozone!
There is an Art of Disney show that I highly recommend, because... well, its really cool. Afterwards, though, you spill into an area to meet some characters and see some animation, and they have a few kids areas too. We heard that Rhino the Hamster and Bolt were going to be there, so we got in line--we were the last ones in line, as a matter of fact.
Its Rhino and Bolt! It was awesome! It was beyond awesome... it was.... BE-AWESOME!
On our Times Guide, "The Characters of The Incredibles" was listed as being there, and though I love me some Incredibles, we had already met Mr. Incredible and Elastagirl. But after our pics with Rhino and Bolt, I glanced up, and saw a familiar blue color. In a voice that sounded like I was eight, I giddily exclaimed, "Steph! Frozone is up there!"
We scurried up the walk, and there was Frozone! It was one of the coolest things ever!
FOOD ALERT!!! For dinner, we traveled over to The Garden Grill, located at Epcot in The Lands. The Garden Grill is a character meal, but its known more for the restaurant itself. It spins. When I booked it, though, I was imagining a tower like building with a rotating top, much like the one that used to be in Florence, where I shared a dessert date with Mary Ann Crittenden in 2000.
The fact that I couldn't recall any such tall tower in Epcot, though, puzzled me. Its not in a tall tower, though... its on the 2nd floor of The Land (a building in Epcot that houses "The Circle of Life" ride, "Living with the Land" and "Soarin'") and when we first walked up, The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Oh, it must not be rotating tonight. That's too bad, I guess its broken."
So I ask our cast attendant about it, and he says, "No, its working!" I stared at the floor, at a small black seam on the floor at the top of the ramp. On the right side, the ramp was just there, not moving. On the left side, every so slightly, the floor was moving. You had to really look at it to tell, no doubt it took an hour or more for it to make a full revolution. There was the lower level of seats that was in a big circle, where you could overlook part of The Land lobby area, and another part of the circle allowed you to overlook the "Living with the Land" ride.
We sat on the second level, which was really just one step up. It was strange, because as I sat, there was a large rock on the outside of the "vehicle/restaurant", and twenty minutes later, I had to turn around and look behind me to see the same rock. The food was great, though. They served us roast beast, along with turkey and some other meat, potatoes (now, I'm not a huge fan of potatoes unless they are really creamy, but there were some rockin' creamed taters all over Walt Disney World) and some cranberry sauce that The Lovely Steph Leann was diggin'.
They even brought us Anniversary Dessert, which was really a cupcakey thing with a few candles on it. It was nice, though.
And on Sunday... its off to The Magic Kingdom!!
I love seeing Cinderella's castle at the beginning of any of my Disney vacations. The broad base and moat, the tall blue spires that reach towards the heavens in... well, for lack of a better term, a majestic fashion. I know the castle doesn't do this for everyone.
Different things excite different people. I could care less about U2, I think Rammer Jammer is stupid and though I can dig on "Hey Ya!", its not my favorite joint... but in the same way that Mikey gets excited when he hears the opening notes of "With or Without You" in a U2 concert, or in the same way that Tyler Campbell jumps for joy when Rammer Jammer starts blaring from the band or in the same way that Mindy D'A starts breakin' it down when "Hey Ya" comes on the radio, I am about Disney World. (granted, I'm not sure that Mindy D'A breaks anything down when she hears OutKast, but I thought I'd name drop)
There's so much to tell in any trip to The Happiest Place on Earth, especially one that starts on a Thursday night, and doesn't end until Saturday of the following week. This was planned to be the 5th Anniversary vacation for myself and The Lovely Steph Leann--we had honeymooned here the first week of March, 2004, for 4 days before embarking on a 3 day Disney Cruise, so we thought a return for our fifth year kickoff would be grand. We'd already been 2 times in between, but who's counting.
Well, along the planning stages, somehow, someway, The Lovely Steph Leann's mom, Ruth, and Aunt Becky worked their way into the trip. Being a manager assistanty type person, a part payment for my hard earned work is the ability to get myself and three others into the parks pretty much most of the time. So, for you math skolurs out there, take myself, add The Lovely Steph Leann, throw in my just wonderful mother in law and now the aunt, and that makes four.
Discussions where had, compromises were negotiated, and no matter how I did or didn't feel about the entire thing, it was what it was, it is what it is, and Ruthy Campbell was paying for gas, so there ya go.
The thought was to leave late, late Thursday night, possibly around 10 or 11pm, drive all through the night and arrive at The Magic Kingdom around 8ish or so. The women would sleep in the car, I could drive the trip, and the next day, I'd be dead tired, but hey, I've done the whole "up for what feels like a bajillion hours" before. Well, we're taking this behemoth of a vehicle, a GMC Yukon, the type of SUV that cars like Toni Rocki Honda would actually orbit around, and I'm just not comfortable driving something that unfamiliar.
So, in my brilliance, I called up The Lovely Steph Leann a few days prior to departing, and suggested that we leave earlier, and get a room for Thursday night. She agreed, I called down and though Pop Century was completely full, we upgraded slightly for a night at Port Orleans Riverside...
...DISNEY TIP!!! There are several catagories of rooms, with the least expensive being "Value Resort", which is All Star Movies, All Star Sports, All Star Music and Pop Century. I highly recommend these, mostly because all you truly need is a bed at Disney. That being said, sometime it is nice to go a little better every now and then. "Moderate Resorts" include Coronado Springs, Port Orleans Riverside, Port Orleans French Quarter and Carribean Beach. From there, you get to "Deluxe Resorts", which include the very pricey digs like Grand Floridian, Yacht & Beach Club, The Polynesian, The Contemporary, Animal Kingdom Lodge, Fort Wilderness Lodge, Boardwalk Inn, Saratoga Springs and a few others. Beyond that, you've also got Disney Vacation Club resorts, campgrounds and a few other places mixed in...
...which is cool because we'd never stayed at Port Orleans Riverside. Its kind of my thing now, I want to try to stay in the different hotels at some point, with the ultimate dream of mine being The Polynesian, with all its tropical atmosphere and tiki towers rising through the lobby. We stayed at Animal Kingdom Lodge for a night in September of last year, when we went with our friends DeLisa and DeNick, and it was glorious.
Problem was, we actually didn't quite get out of town until around 6pm, or after, and truthfully, when you have three women picking at each other about which direction to head, and who it is to blame for why we left so late and so on and so forth, its easier to just sit in the back seat, plug in my earbuds, and keep quiet.
After all this, we finally rolled up into Disney World, or at least Port Orleans Riverside, around 430, maybe 5am Eastern Time. Check out at the hotel was 11am, and we hadn't even checked in yet. I laid my head to rest around 530p, The Lovely Steph Leann didn't get to lay down until closer to 6am. We slept until around 9, then had to get up and pack up the few things that we had taken out. It might be silly to pay for a room for only a few hours, but trust me, that sleep was invaluable--I wouldn't have traded it for anything.
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The benefit of having so many days in front of you at The Happiest Place on Earth is that you can take your time doing everything. Magic Kingdom is not nearly the biggest size-wise, but has the most to do and is the park that is almost impossible to cover in a single day, so we had already planned to break it into two, perhaps three days, so we hit Magic Kingdom first, doing most of Tomorrowland... we rode Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin, we toured the Monster's Inc Laugh Floor (both highly recommended rides), we rode Space Mountain--which, by the way, they will be closing later this year to update it, making it faster, darker and adding music.We strolled into Pixie Hollow, which is located in Toontown...
... DISNEY TIP!!! The Magic Kingdom is comprised of seven different areas, each with its own style and atmosphere. Besides Tomorrowland, there is Main Street USA, which you walk on when you enter the park, finding various shops and such... Liberty Square, where you'll find the Haunted Mansion... Adventureland is the home of the Jungle Cruise, the Tiki Room and Aladdin's Magic Carpet Ride... Frontierland has Splash Mountain and Big Thunder Mountain... Mickey's Toontown Fair contains Goofy's Barnstormer kid coaster and The County Bounty... and finally, Fantasyland, a big area with all the major traditional rides like Mad Hatter's Tea Party, aka the teacups, Dumbo, Peter Pan's Flight, It's a Small World and so on...
...more specifically, the County Bounty, a huge pavilion of gifts and stuff. To the right side of the County Bounty, once you enter the big doors, you'll see two queues, one to meet princesses, and the other to meet fairies. We got in line, and for the first time, was able to meet Tinkerbell (who called my pin lanyard 'flitterific') and her fairy BFFs Silvermist and Rosetta.
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FOOD!!! That night we ate at 1900 Park Fare, which is located at The Grand Floridian Resort & Spa, at Cinderella's Royal Gala. Quite simply, its this huge buffet topped off with table visits by Cinderella, her boo Prince Charming, the Wicked Stepmother, and the two stepsisters, Drisella and Anastacia. The two stepsisters are my favorites, though, because they always seem to really play it up great.
Dessert was marvelous
Dinner for me consisted of yummy creamed potatoes and a large hunk of sliced roast beast, some mac & cheese, some other foods I can't think of, a bowl of chilled strawberry soup, and several little bitesized cheesecake tarts, berry tarts and chocolately junk. It was a-may-zing.
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After just passing out within ten minutes of getting to Room 240 at Pop Century, I slept like a baby. And since we went slower on Friday, we had to be up early on Saturday to hit the ground running... and Saturday...
TOY STORY MIDWAY MANIA!!! This was a ride we had been unable to ride last September due to the fact the wait was up to 3 hours in length. I had heard this ride was just unbelievably a fun ride to be on, so I wanted to prove it for myself... The Lovely Steph Leann and I raced... well, I say raced, but you have to understand, The Lovely Steph Leann doesn't run. She just doesn't. I was talking with The Dainty Steph Halpert earlier tonight, and she agreed, "Yeah, Stephanie doesn't run. I'm sure of that."
So when I say "race", we really just walked kinda fast. We got there and immediately got our fast passes, then immediately jumped in the currently-only-20-minute-wait-but-soon-to-grow-to-hours line. The queue is fascinating, as its as if your a toy sized being walking through Andy's room... everything is enlarged, from the crayons to the Tinkertoys to the Barrel o'Monkeys to the Scrabble game on the ceiling. In the back is Mr. Potato Head, telling jokes and singing and welcoming one and all to Toy Story Midway Mania.
Finally, we get to the ride, and are just giddy... seriously, we've heard from a ton of people that the ride is great, but truly, we really don't have much of an idea of what we'll be doing. We get in to the little car, both of us sitting behind brightly colored "guns" with a little pull string coming out of it. We throw on our 3D glasses, and suddenly are whirled in front of a screen with Woody and Jessie, as they tell us its time to practice. Pull back on the string, and a little "ball" flies across the screen, smashing "paint" all over a plate Jessie is holding.
Hold on... this is... kinda cool... this is really, really cool!
The little car zips around through various scenes, and we shoot ducks and plates and balloons and we try to ring the little alien guys and it was 100% incredible awesome. It was a ride you wanted to continue, so as soon as it ended, we hung out in the Pixar area until our fastpasses allowed us to ride it again. Over the course of our vacation, we rode Toy Story Mania five times.
...DISNEY TIP!! When you go to Hollywood Studios, you want to go immediately to this ride if you plan on doing it. Why? Because that is what every single other person will be doing. The fastpasses will sell out usually by midday, but even if you got one of the last ones they give, it wouldn't let you on the ride until 4, 5, maybe 6pm. My suggestion is to get a fastpass for it right off the bat, then either ride it then (allowing you to ride it again later with your fastpass) or just ride it a little later. The wait time will get up to an hour or more. If you aren't interested in this ride, though that's just weird, this is a good time to go straight to Tower of Terror and Rock'n Roller Coaster, because again, most people will be at Toy Story Mania
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We headed over to The Beauty and the Beast stage show, which is about 30 minutes in length, but is worth it. The colors are vibrant, the music is great--yes, the songs are somewhat condensed, but its enough "Gaston" to whet your appetite--and the dancing is top notch. Plus, its a great chance to sit and relax, especially since the theater is covered, during the summer months it will be awesome. Another show that is along the same lines, though not quite as good is "The Voyage of the Little Mermaid", which is simply the Little Mermaid story.
Ursula looks cool, but beyond that, its just a so-so show. Its a good wake up, though, when onstage the ship is in the storm, and in the audience, you get rained on. Sprinkles, really, but it will make you wet. Beware.
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They just started The American Idol Experience at Hollywood Studios, which both The Lovely Steph Leann and I jumped at. Earlier in the day, we passed the audition area, where you could sing for the judges to try and get on the show, but The Lovely Steph Leann refused to do so.
Though the "grand opening" wasnt until the next week, February 14th, they were showing "preview shows" all week. We filed in, and the stage looks like what the American Idol stage probably looks like in real life. There was a judges table, with the Coke containers sitting so you could clearly read "Coke".
The stage is set. The contestants are here. The dream is alive. THIS. IS. AMERICAN IDOL (lite)
A guy comes out, energizes the crowd and tells us how it all works (apparently, they do this on the real show too)... quite simply, three people perform, that being three guests who auditioned and were chosen. The audience picks the winner. Our host comes out, this chick with long legs and a bit too much makeup, and three judges come out, two girls and a non-British guy on the end.
Since its a preview day, the prizes won't be awarded today, but apparently, there will be four shows per day. The first three shows each produce a winner that goes on to the 7pm "Finals" show. The winner of that show, crowned the best singer of the day, gets a special "golden ticket" that allows her to go to any Idol audition in the country, and go directly to the front of the line.
The first girl to come perform is like, 15 or 16, and she does a great job even though she is singing "Colors of the Wind", on of my least favorite songs. The next guy does a forgettable country song (as in, I actually don't remember what it was) and the third chick does a loud version of "Independence Day". She starts off great, but loses it toward the end, but the crowd goes nuts anyway. The Lovely Steph Leann voted for the third chick, I went with the first one, but the third chick won out.
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I got to meet Frozone!
There is an Art of Disney show that I highly recommend, because... well, its really cool. Afterwards, though, you spill into an area to meet some characters and see some animation, and they have a few kids areas too. We heard that Rhino the Hamster and Bolt were going to be there, so we got in line--we were the last ones in line, as a matter of fact.
Its Rhino and Bolt! It was awesome! It was beyond awesome... it was.... BE-AWESOME!
On our Times Guide, "The Characters of The Incredibles" was listed as being there, and though I love me some Incredibles, we had already met Mr. Incredible and Elastagirl. But after our pics with Rhino and Bolt, I glanced up, and saw a familiar blue color. In a voice that sounded like I was eight, I giddily exclaimed, "Steph! Frozone is up there!"
We scurried up the walk, and there was Frozone! It was one of the coolest things ever!
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FOOD ALERT!!! For dinner, we traveled over to The Garden Grill, located at Epcot in The Lands. The Garden Grill is a character meal, but its known more for the restaurant itself. It spins. When I booked it, though, I was imagining a tower like building with a rotating top, much like the one that used to be in Florence, where I shared a dessert date with Mary Ann Crittenden in 2000.
The fact that I couldn't recall any such tall tower in Epcot, though, puzzled me. Its not in a tall tower, though... its on the 2nd floor of The Land (a building in Epcot that houses "The Circle of Life" ride, "Living with the Land" and "Soarin'") and when we first walked up, The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Oh, it must not be rotating tonight. That's too bad, I guess its broken."
So I ask our cast attendant about it, and he says, "No, its working!" I stared at the floor, at a small black seam on the floor at the top of the ramp. On the right side, the ramp was just there, not moving. On the left side, every so slightly, the floor was moving. You had to really look at it to tell, no doubt it took an hour or more for it to make a full revolution. There was the lower level of seats that was in a big circle, where you could overlook part of The Land lobby area, and another part of the circle allowed you to overlook the "Living with the Land" ride.
We sat on the second level, which was really just one step up. It was strange, because as I sat, there was a large rock on the outside of the "vehicle/restaurant", and twenty minutes later, I had to turn around and look behind me to see the same rock. The food was great, though. They served us roast beast, along with turkey and some other meat, potatoes (now, I'm not a huge fan of potatoes unless they are really creamy, but there were some rockin' creamed taters all over Walt Disney World) and some cranberry sauce that The Lovely Steph Leann was diggin'.
They even brought us Anniversary Dessert, which was really a cupcakey thing with a few candles on it. It was nice, though.
And on Sunday... its off to The Magic Kingdom!!
She Might Be a Prostitute... and other ramblings tonight
I'm walking. I'm walking down a covered path, not covered by any manmade roof, but by a thatch of branches, shadowing the path from trees to the left and right. There's a small hut up the way a little. Men and woman are walking past me, behind me, in front of me. As I approach the hut, I see a table, a long legged, small surface table. It stands tall, at the back of the small hut. I can see plainly the book, as the day is warm and sunny, the light creeping through the branches of the trees into the open walls of the hut.
There's a book on the table. Its made of leather and parchment... its obvious its been man-made, but it has been beautifully crafted. As I open it, it strikes me as odd... this is a book... a book of... prostitutes? There are names of women of the night in this book. Many, many names. I recognize one of them. I know her! I know who that is! But certainly, she's not a prostitute? I mean, I would have heard of this... I would know this, right?
This can't be. This mustn't be. Not her. No. NO! I throw the book down, and race back down the path... I've got to find her... I've got to ask her... I've got to know, "Are you a woman of ill repute???" I've got to discover, "Are you a lady of the night???" I've got to find out, "Are you in the oldest profession???" And I've got to know why, according to the book, her prices are so cheap!
There she is... I'm going to ask her. But I see light. Bright light.
For some strange reason, The Lovely Steph Leann has turned the light on. Please understand, I'm exhausted, getting only a few hours sleep the night before... and I have to open at Starbucks the next morning. I've gone to bed at 10:30, intending on at least 6 hours of solid sleep... but the lamp wakes me up. I lift my head to look at my lovely wife, who, mind you, has come to bed maybe an hour after me... she looks at me and screams. Now I'm really awake. Completely awake.
"What the heck?" I ask. "What's wrong?"
"Uh... you scared me..." she says in a stupor
"Scared you? What? I've been in bed for two hours now... you came after me... how did I scare you?"
"You just... you just did... I dunno..." The Lovely Steph Leann struggles with comprehension for a minute, then turns the light back off.
You know how, when you're really tired, and you end up sleeping for only 2 hours, and you wake up still exhausted? Like, your eyes hurt, your arms are sore, you just feel like dying kind of exhausted. This was me after The Lovely Steph Leann turned on the light, screamed, stared at me, then turned the light off, and was asleep within five minutes. Not good times. Bad times, bad times.
And I don't know if she was a prostitute!!!
We were a part of the job fair at UAB, recruiting for The Happiest Place in the Mall. Dan, the Other Happiest Assistant Manager at The Happiest Place in the Mall, and Yours Truly set up a table, tablecloth, a few Mickey & Minnie items, and some applications. And we waited.
I had observed some of the other tables around the perimeter... there were about 34 or 35 other businesses that were also hitting the freshman and upper class pool of people, which is ingenius, because they are all in college and broke.
The McWane Center was a hit. They had the table in front of the door, so as you walk in, you see them, and many people went straight there. We were diagonal from McWane, so you passed by The Happiest Table in the Job Fair on your right as you came in the room. Across from us was Alabama Telco Credit Union, which, though they were nice, I gotta say wasn't the most entertaining, fun idea for a part time job.
Don't get me wrong, I think you do what you gotta do when the time arrives, but if I walk into the job fair such as these kids did, I'm looking at McWane, or The Learning Express (complete with their lot of fun toys on the table) or Ross Bridges Golf Course or something like that. The Credit Union, be it Alabama Telco or Legacy, cause they were both there, wouldnt be my first choice. And who wants to work at freakin' Newk's Express Cafe? Or Panera Bread? Or a dental office?
Victoria's Secret was there, and I'll be honest with you... if I ever walk into that store again, and they've hired some of the people that I saw apply, trust me, I will not want to think about women's underwear. Not in the slightest.
International students can't work off campus, so half of our morning was spent telling Habeeb and Ismish and Rjnrnwvn that we were located at the Galleria Mall, about 10 miles from campus. I'm not sure some countries actually know about vowels.
The result is that I've got 9 interviews on Monday set up. I expect a few of them to not show up, there are one or two that I'm hoping will work out cause they were awesome, and there's some that I could go either way on.
I did my first interviews for The Happiest Place in the Mall last week, and really, sometimes its just funny. One girl was so quiet, I had to lean forward to hear anything she had to say... "So what are your favorite Disney characters?"
"Oh, I likes Mickey. He's so fun..."
"What about your favorite Disney movies?"
(thinking, and it looks as if it takes effort) "I like Winnies the Pooh"
I then ask, "Tell me about your shopping habits. What do you look for in a store?" (now, I know she might not understand this question, so I clarify) "I mean, not really what you are shopping for, but what makes a store or shop stand out to you?"
(thinking again) "I like... I like to shop for shoes. And jew-ree. And clothes. And ak-cess-rees."
(pausing a second to remove the blue, fine point sharpie out of my eye) "Okay... well, give for me a great shopping experience you've had in the past. When you went shopping and was just made very happy with the whole time. What happened?"
(thinking again) "I like... I shop at May-says... and Pennies... And Sears--I love Sears"
(pausing again to pull the paper clips out from under my fingernails) "Okay, well, tell me what you think will be the most challenging thing about working at our store..."
(thinking again) "The register. Probably working the register."
(nodding, for once, as she gives a sensable answer) "Tell me what you think will be the most enjoyable part of the job?"
(thinking one final time, as this might be all she's got) "Um... probably the register"
She didn't get the job
There's a book on the table. Its made of leather and parchment... its obvious its been man-made, but it has been beautifully crafted. As I open it, it strikes me as odd... this is a book... a book of... prostitutes? There are names of women of the night in this book. Many, many names. I recognize one of them. I know her! I know who that is! But certainly, she's not a prostitute? I mean, I would have heard of this... I would know this, right?
This can't be. This mustn't be. Not her. No. NO! I throw the book down, and race back down the path... I've got to find her... I've got to ask her... I've got to know, "Are you a woman of ill repute???" I've got to discover, "Are you a lady of the night???" I've got to find out, "Are you in the oldest profession???" And I've got to know why, according to the book, her prices are so cheap!
There she is... I'm going to ask her. But I see light. Bright light.
For some strange reason, The Lovely Steph Leann has turned the light on. Please understand, I'm exhausted, getting only a few hours sleep the night before... and I have to open at Starbucks the next morning. I've gone to bed at 10:30, intending on at least 6 hours of solid sleep... but the lamp wakes me up. I lift my head to look at my lovely wife, who, mind you, has come to bed maybe an hour after me... she looks at me and screams. Now I'm really awake. Completely awake.
"What the heck?" I ask. "What's wrong?"
"Uh... you scared me..." she says in a stupor
"Scared you? What? I've been in bed for two hours now... you came after me... how did I scare you?"
"You just... you just did... I dunno..." The Lovely Steph Leann struggles with comprehension for a minute, then turns the light back off.
You know how, when you're really tired, and you end up sleeping for only 2 hours, and you wake up still exhausted? Like, your eyes hurt, your arms are sore, you just feel like dying kind of exhausted. This was me after The Lovely Steph Leann turned on the light, screamed, stared at me, then turned the light off, and was asleep within five minutes. Not good times. Bad times, bad times.
And I don't know if she was a prostitute!!!
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We were a part of the job fair at UAB, recruiting for The Happiest Place in the Mall. Dan, the Other Happiest Assistant Manager at The Happiest Place in the Mall, and Yours Truly set up a table, tablecloth, a few Mickey & Minnie items, and some applications. And we waited.
I had observed some of the other tables around the perimeter... there were about 34 or 35 other businesses that were also hitting the freshman and upper class pool of people, which is ingenius, because they are all in college and broke.
The McWane Center was a hit. They had the table in front of the door, so as you walk in, you see them, and many people went straight there. We were diagonal from McWane, so you passed by The Happiest Table in the Job Fair on your right as you came in the room. Across from us was Alabama Telco Credit Union, which, though they were nice, I gotta say wasn't the most entertaining, fun idea for a part time job.
Don't get me wrong, I think you do what you gotta do when the time arrives, but if I walk into the job fair such as these kids did, I'm looking at McWane, or The Learning Express (complete with their lot of fun toys on the table) or Ross Bridges Golf Course or something like that. The Credit Union, be it Alabama Telco or Legacy, cause they were both there, wouldnt be my first choice. And who wants to work at freakin' Newk's Express Cafe? Or Panera Bread? Or a dental office?
Victoria's Secret was there, and I'll be honest with you... if I ever walk into that store again, and they've hired some of the people that I saw apply, trust me, I will not want to think about women's underwear. Not in the slightest.
International students can't work off campus, so half of our morning was spent telling Habeeb and Ismish and Rjnrnwvn that we were located at the Galleria Mall, about 10 miles from campus. I'm not sure some countries actually know about vowels.
The result is that I've got 9 interviews on Monday set up. I expect a few of them to not show up, there are one or two that I'm hoping will work out cause they were awesome, and there's some that I could go either way on.
$$$$$$$$$$
I did my first interviews for The Happiest Place in the Mall last week, and really, sometimes its just funny. One girl was so quiet, I had to lean forward to hear anything she had to say... "So what are your favorite Disney characters?"
"Oh, I likes Mickey. He's so fun..."
"What about your favorite Disney movies?"
(thinking, and it looks as if it takes effort) "I like Winnies the Pooh"
I then ask, "Tell me about your shopping habits. What do you look for in a store?" (now, I know she might not understand this question, so I clarify) "I mean, not really what you are shopping for, but what makes a store or shop stand out to you?"
(thinking again) "I like... I like to shop for shoes. And jew-ree. And clothes. And ak-cess-rees."
(pausing a second to remove the blue, fine point sharpie out of my eye) "Okay... well, give for me a great shopping experience you've had in the past. When you went shopping and was just made very happy with the whole time. What happened?"
(thinking again) "I like... I shop at May-says... and Pennies... And Sears--I love Sears"
(pausing again to pull the paper clips out from under my fingernails) "Okay, well, tell me what you think will be the most challenging thing about working at our store..."
(thinking again) "The register. Probably working the register."
(nodding, for once, as she gives a sensable answer) "Tell me what you think will be the most enjoyable part of the job?"
(thinking one final time, as this might be all she's got) "Um... probably the register"
She didn't get the job
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You know, I want to like the Olympics... I really do. I mean, the gymnastics are unbelievable, even if they are a little creepy, and the track is awesome, cause its simply, "Who can run faster?" and the swimming is fun, because its simply, "Who can swim faster?" But overall, its hard to get all excited for most of the Olympics, because none of you... and I mean NONE OF YOU care about fencing, nor water polo, nor women's sand volleyball, nor the decathalon, nor the trampoline, nor handball except for every four years. And let's face it, you take out swimming and gymnastics, then you lose 58% of your chick audience.
Don't get me wrong... I love my country, and I'm proud of the fact that as of this moment, we've to 107 medals, and am second--and a distant second--to only China in gold medals. Michael Phelps? He's a beast, seriously. Possibly the world's greatest athlete, until we find another one who is just as good, next week.
But really, will you remember anything beyond Michael Phelps? Maybe, and that's a solid maybe Nastia Liukin, but only because of her name. I mean, who remembers Carly Patterson?
And is it just me, or did Nastia and Shawn Johnson's Gold and Silver medals feel tainted, as both have heavy foriegn influences? Nastia was born in Russia, and brought to the US but trained under Muther Rusha's reign of premature growth. Shawn Johnson was born here, grew up in Iowa and trained under Laing Chow, from China.
Which led to this exchange with Mikey Nipp over lunch:
Mikey: Nastia is kinda hot
Me: Yeah, but dude... she's like jailbait
Mikey: Oh no she's not. Shawn Johnson is, but Nastia is 18. She's totally legal, dude
Me: Oh yeah...
Mikey: Nastia is kinda hot
Me: Yeah, but dude... she's like jailbait
Mikey: Oh no she's not. Shawn Johnson is, but Nastia is 18. She's totally legal, dude
Me: Oh yeah...
Did you know, though, that softball is coming out of the Olympics in 2012? The rumor is, because the US Girls have won the gold every single time since it was introduced in 1996, though they just lost this time. And no lacrosse, no rugby... but there's badminton and handball.
Personally, I think they should make MMA an Olympic sport, and have countries that don't get along face off. Can you imagine the scene when Russia's Olympic MMA champ Igor Krhrzaovic takes on Georgia's MMA champ, Viktr Lozrovich? Or Israel's Ismael Epstein up against Palestine's Mahmeed Amajendade? THAT would be something I'd be up for.
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The Lovely Steph Leann is home. She's lying on the futon behind me, in the guest room here, and I'm web surfin'. On the blogsite here, comes Carly Simon's "You're So Vain". Whether we meant to do it or not, I'm not sure, but we both end up singing the first line...
"You walked into... the party... like you were walking onto a yacht... your hat strategically placed below one eye... your scarf it was apricot..."
Then, the next line. She sang, "With one eye in the mirror, you watched yourself go by..." and I sang, "With one eye in the mirror, you watched yourself cravat..." She looked at me, and said, "That's not what she's singing." I said, "It's something like that... I mean, I know its not 'go by'." She looked puzzled. "But that doesn't make any sense, does it? I mean, a cravat? That's a scarf, I think."
I replied simply, "Well, whatever it is, I know its not 'watch yourself go by.' I know that because that used to be the line I used, but I looked it up one day and found out I was wrong about that." And this was true.
She replied, "Well, I can't imagine she would sing 'you watched yourself cravat'. That makes no sense whatsoever." So, I turned to look it up. And the line? "With one eye in the mirror, you watched yourself gravotte..." I read the line to The Lovely Steph Leann, and she sat up. We both wondered... what's a gavotte?
Turns out, its a french dance of some sort. Apparently, in this context, it means pretentious or egotistical style of dancing.
You wanna know what else about this song, which is my Dave Hot 100 Ever? "then you flew your Lear Jet up to Nova Scotia to see the total eclipse of the sun..." stems from the fact there were 2 solar eclipses in Nova Scotia in the 70s. It's also noteworthy that Warren Beatty, who has been rumored to be the subject of this song, has a mother who lives in Nova Scotia.
And, when "I hear you went up to Saratoga, and your horse naturally one...", it refers to the Saratoga Race Course meeting held in late July, August and early September in Saratoga Springs, New York. The meeting is known to be frequented by the rich and famous of New York and other places on the East Coast.
I had some dreams, they were Clouds in My Coffee, Clouds in My Coffee...
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And, finally... I'm behind the Box Office, at The Happiest Place in the Mall last week. Up walks three guests, one with the merchandise, one who apparently is her son, and another who seems like the son's friend.
She is buying some Tinkerbell pajamas, a Tinkerbell shirt and a little soft baseball with Tinkerbell on it. I chat with her for a moment, mostly about Disney and Tinkerbell, whom I admit I've got a cartoon crush on--she's silent, and 2D hot... and yes, I'm in therapy right now--and she tells me how she's loved Tinkerbell for years and years and years.
She pays with a credit card, and I ask for ID. The son pipes up, and says, "Wow, rough joint, you get carded here!"
And I smile and reply, "Well, you know, I have to make sure she's 21!" to which the mom grinned.
The friend looks bewildered. "You have to... show ID here to buy stuff?"
The son looks at his friend, with surprise, but I don't miss a beat, "Yep. You have to be over 21 to buy stuff here. It's the law."
The friend looks at me, then looks at the son, then back to me, and whispers to the son, "Really?"
And I smile and reply, "Well, you know, I have to make sure she's 21!" to which the mom grinned.
The friend looks bewildered. "You have to... show ID here to buy stuff?"
The son looks at his friend, with surprise, but I don't miss a beat, "Yep. You have to be over 21 to buy stuff here. It's the law."
The friend looks at me, then looks at the son, then back to me, and whispers to the son, "Really?"
I said, "Yeah... its to make sure you don't Tink and drive."
Thanks. I'll be here all week.