Starting over with Don Draper

(Turn off the music at the bottom of the right sidebar before watching this clip)

This clip from Mad Men illustrates the importance of forgiveness vs. holding on to the past and allowing it to turn into bitterness. Pete Campbell illustrating the ugliness of a person being eaten up by envy and bitterness and basking in others missteps - desperately hoping to look better by exploiting others weaknesses.

But alas - karma is a tricky mistress, and actions driven by bitterness rarely work out in your favor. It is completely incompatible with integrity, and thus reflects badly upon the attacker rather than the victim, disregard of how dirty his past may be.

Remember: Every day is a clean slate to start over. To be that person you want to be.

Whether your last name is Draper or not; leave your baggage at the door, and you will find that new doors open.

Forgive. Accept. Move on.

You can't reach what is in front of you, if you don't let go of the past: Forgive and you will be able to forget the pain of your past. Forgiving does not make it OK, but it does enable YOU to move on, instead of allowing someone to hold you prisoner in bitterness; inhibiting you from finding happiness in life.

What would Don Draper do?

So, what's your coping mechanism in life?
This sketch is just priceless - it is pure brilliant in portraying how many of us go about our daily life in some way or another, whether we are conscious about it or not, and whatever our "drug" of choice is.

As anyone who has watched an episode of Mad Men knows, Don Draper is the epitome of a civilized addict. His narcissistic behavior and need for control is a direct result of an unstable biochemistry, if he is not engaging in his drugs of choice (cigarettes, alcohol or sex), he is being emotionally abusive.

His inability to handle emotions is why he is succumbing to self-destructive coping mechanisms that temporarily numb him out.

Veteran actor Jon Hamm plays Don Draper in Mad Men.

First step in treating someone like Don Draper is to rebalance his biochemistry so that he no longer deals with those ongoing struggles that cause him to be a ticking time-bomb. He is constantly experiencing peaks and dips in his dopaminergic and seratonergic neurotransmitter system based on what he is doing (or temporarily abstaining from doing). And those drastic brain chemical fluctuations would drive anyone up the wall. You can have all the knowledge in the world on how to deal with emotions etc., but if you are fighting against your biology, you stand to lose.


Treating an imbalanced biochemistry should always come first - that enables people to feel comfortable in the skin they're in effortlessly and without needing to spend countless hours at the shrink's going over semi-invented or not childhood traumas that just are not relevant to keep dwelling on when focus should be on letting go of the past and moving forward.

Balance your brain and everything else in life suddenly seems a lot less dramatic.
Addicts create drama because they are about to crawl out of their skin - that is how uncomfortable it feels to be them, and thus creating some outside triggering dramatic event gives them a temporary relief from focusing on their own inner discomfort.

Once inner balance is restored there is no need to create outer chaos.

Get your brain chemistry evaluated here.

Thirst. is. EvErYtHiNG.

Image is nothing.
That was the tagline for Sprite when I was a kid. That just stuck to my brain like glue. I loved that commercial. So simple, yet it is so powerful in the way it taps right into our basic human instincts - and it is everything I believe in, and aspire to be in life. Well, not that I aspire to be a can of soda exactly. It is the simplicity, the unpretentiousness, I find appealing in this "stripped-to-the-core-skip-the-emotional-pornography-BS" ad.

It just illustrates everything that matters: Humans are hedonistic beings, and when all is said and done, we are going to do what makes us FEEL GOOD.

There comes a point, when we have binged one time too many on the lies from a society that is driven by sick standards and ruthless motives that we feel sick to the core with all the shallow glossy ads telling us that happiness comes from a Botox injection, Agent Provocateur lingerie and a bright yellow Gallardo. Well, not that there is anything wrong with a Gallardo per se, I mean... if it is good enough for batman, who am I to complain. Afterall, we do need something for driving our surfboards down to the shore in, don't we... Bare essential really. Ok so I'm a sucker for fast cars. Anyway.

Back to the point. I am always amazed by the amount of insecurity and pretentiousness that contaminates the bare presence of people who supposedly have "made it". And God only knows they grow like weed in the city that never sleeps. Where everyone hungers for their 5 minutes of fame. And they will inject their lips with the fat taken out of their ass in their narcissistic vanity to win the fame game.

I just hope they understand, that somehow the clothes do not make the man.
And that for every Armani suit and fake bleached smile, and Manolo stiletto there are 40,000 children starving.


So, ask yourself - what drives you in life?
No, really ask yourself: What DRIVES you in life?
Do you know it, or are you being driven by others motives and agenda perhaps.

Don't hate the player - hate the game, and refrain (from being part). 

Unconditional Love. What is?

"Why don't you just love yourself some more?" I remember a friend telling me some years ago when I was busy "finding myself", or so I thought.
As you live life, you figure out that life is not about finding yourself, rather it is about creating yourself. You already have what you need right there, wherever you are, within you.
I was dumbfounded - love yourself some more? Why? How is that possible?
Well, this fundamental ability to love yourself unconditionally - wherever you are in life, whatever obstacles you are dealing with, is the most important human skill in life.
Every other skill and ability - however well we may master it, becomes secondary if we can't love ourselves unconditionally. Because guess what - if you can't love yourself without needing to live up to a set of criteria - how can you love anyone else? Love is supposed to be unconditional - what is the point in saying, "Well, darling you know, I'll love you if x, y and z. And don't forget the dishes while you're at it!". That is not love. That is a businesses proposal. Love is a feeling, it is not based on rational nor logic. And it shouldn't be. Emotions are valuable in themselves.

If you don't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. You may find yourself in various relationships based on vanity and fear. Fear of being alone and thus needing others approval out of vanity. Vanity and fear make for an ugly cocktail. You can't receive and accept love if you have cut yourself off from accepting yourself. And if you don't love anyone else, what value are you adding to the world then?

Yes, it may seem harsh - but love is the only thing that matters in life.

Eat. Breathe and.. Love. Always love.

And if you find it so hard to do, then get a pet. Yes, I said a pet, because entering a relationship before you love yourself is a disaster. However much another human may love you, if you don't love yourself, you will find a way to destroy that relationship. And when you say, "it is not you, it is me" - which you will undoubtedly say at some point down the road, that will be the exact truth and not an excuse. Simply because you cannot return the love that that person is showing you, as long as you don't know how to love yourself unconditionally. We can only connect to feelings that we ourselves have experienced. Mind you, that doesn't mean that we must have endured the same experiences - no, it is the feelings we must have experienced in order to connect and show empathy.

Getting an animal, and learning how to take care of it, is like taking a baby-step before learning to walk. Watch how that cat or dog loves you unconditionally. Unconditionally is not the same as accepting abuse, however. Putting up with abuse is incompatible with loving yourself, which must come before loving another human being. A cat will leave you, if you don't treat it with the respect that every living creature deserves. That's one thing I love about cats: You set it free to run in the morning when you wake up, and then when you call its name in the evening when you come home - and it comes back to you; then you know, it loves you. Because as the saying goes: when you set something free, and it comes back to you, it is yours.

It is yours because it chooses to be yours.

And I think that is the most amazing thing: That a wild creature, born to run free, chooses to give itself to you completely. Trusts you to take care of it.
You can only truly do that, if you take care of yourself.

Victoria Beckham eats like a horse.

Must be all that grass. Goes straight to your ass.
Or not.

Yes I'll believe it, if that entails grass and more grass, that is.

Now the pressure of looking skinny and yet not coming across as "a-neurotic-nutcase" is so intensified that a new term has been invented for celebrities eating junk food in public in order to portray a relaxed image (while lunching in their "its-laidback-Sunday" Manolos and "casual" Valentino waist-nippig sundresses): Documented Instance of Public Eating (DIPE by Hollywood publicists).
How endearing indeed.

Get the full yadayada here.

Like me, please like me.

She's so nice. Yes, everyone can agree on that. She never says anything bad (to your face at least...). So why is it that these very nice, seemingly harmless people are the ones who end up stabbing you in the back?

Because they are superficial nice. And their niceness is based on pretension - suffering from chronic nice-girl syndrome is rooted in egocentrism and vanity. Their need to be liked by everyone is driven by insecurity: Not knowing who they are - who they really are, when they are all alone. And that is why these people are social butterflies - they need to drown themselves in others approval because without it, they are left with nothing. So they go about their life and do the things they are expected to do. They never question their ways or motives, because they are so disconnected from themselves and their values are based on others. 

So what frightens these traditionalists? Anyone or anything that strays from the norm, from the game they are participating in. Because surely, everyone must play according to the rules. Rules they never dare question or rebel from as sick or outdated as these rules may be - they will follow them blindly, because without them they fear, they are nothing (world war 2 ring a bell?). Alone they are worthless - weak copy-cat beings adding no value, and deep inside they know it. Thus, it makes them angry when they see anyone going out of the norm, regardless of the obvious fact that they too have the freedom to choose the way they want to live their life. Instead they choose to project their own unhappiness and despair; the easy way out instead of taking ownership.

These people eventually end up in dead-end relationships, bitter and resentful. And to think that all along they had the power within them to choose to LIVE and not simply be alive.

It is a choice that every human must face. The longer you postpone it, the more you will end up regretting it. A great man once said : “Suffering is proportional to our resistance to change, and happiness is proportional to our ability to embrace change”. This man was Thom Knoles, one of the world’s leading exponents of Vedic Knowledge. In such a simple line, he has covered the basis for nearly all of the suffering on the entire planet. What I am about to say may be quite confronting for some. Suffering or happiness is something you can choose to experience.

Owning up to your own life and how it unravels is empowering and enables you to make a different choice that takes you down the path towards a life that is rich and rewarding and fulfills your inner desires.

Now go for it! You only regret what you didn't do in life.

The Essence of LifeStylism: Narcissistic Autonomy.

Lifestylism. 

Now what is this term, veering on the edge of pretentiousness, really a cover for?

The word lifestylism seems to have found its roots in anarchist literature. The Nutrition Doctor uses it as a medical doctrine related to healthy living from a holistic perspective incorporating body, mind & soul. It is not about promoting a narcissistic isolated focus only on you; it is impossible to live a fulfilling, sustainable life without engaging the people around us. 

While the debate about 'lifestylism vs. social activism' has been raging all around us, many people have missed the simple fact that there is no 'unbridgable chasm' between the two ideas. In fact, they are meaningless without one another. Engaging in social activism without changing your lifestyle to fit with your revolutionary principals makes one a hypocrite. Similarly, to try to live in a revolutionary way, while not engaging in social activism leaves one only further alienated.

The Nutrition Doctor is your LifeStylist.

Your lifestyle should be a manifestation of your values. If you care about animal rights then your lifestyle should reflect this by you fighting for animals. If you care about your children's health, then you should set an example and take care of your own body. Actions speak louder than words is the key to understand the term lifestylism, and why this overlooked behavioral approach to coaching is the only way to successfully reach your goals in life. Forget the one way monologue couch sessions at your shrink's - you need to evaluate, assess and come up with an action plan with a partner in order to style your life the way you want it.
Say NO to more endless venting sessions ending in loads of talk, but absolutely no action and impact.
Say YES to your personal LifeStylist. Download Meet Your LifeStylist here!

Knowing your weaknesses

What is the trait that you most deplore in others?

Think about it - because typically what we despise in others is our own dark side.

I.e. I couldn't care less about jealousy; likely because I don't have a jealous bone in my body (inasmuch as this is humanly possible anyway). However, I absolutely deplore pretension. The very scent of pretension just makes my hair stand up on my neck. Pretension comes in many forms. Pretending to be perfect. Pretending to be infallible. Pretending to be strong.

I used to be terrified of being weak; thinking that if people ever found out I had any sign of weakness/vulnerability within me, they would walk all over me and I would fall apart in a million pieces, never to be whole again. Well, newsflash: People will walk over you regardless, but only if you allow them to. And no, you will not fall apart. It may hurt, but time heals all wounds, and eventually you figure out, when people hurt you it is only because they are hurting; it has little to do with you.

Ironically, coming off as if you can't break, makes people want to see what your breaking point is even more. I guess it is part of human nature to be somewhat sadistic and to keep pushing the limits. If you don't set boundaries in life, then people can't respect them and won't know before they have already crossed the line. Pretending to be infallible is a recipe for a disaster, as you will none stop get attacked to prove you wrong.

Keeping it real: Connecting with your feelings...

The most obvious example being when we are kids: Those who bawl over everything and nothing get the most  attention. And those who bite the pain and never shed a tear get none. As much as I dislike drama and hypochondriacs, fact is that it is rarely those loudmouths that end up suicidal. It is always those quiet ones who cry in silence, never show their pain and thus never receive the love and care that every living creature needs in order to survive in this world. If you don't show your vulnerability, no one will know that you need nurture. You can't expect people to read your mind. And so you die - your pride ends up killing you. First emotionally dead and later... physically, however you decide to go about it before your time is up.You can change this unhealthy pattern. Risking vulnerability helps you remain sane - and yet, what prevents you from risking vulnerability is that you THINK you risk sanity. You need to remain sane enough to think rationally, and not rape everyone with your ever-changing feelings like another drama queen; yet it is key for your survival that you stay in tune with your feelings and show your needs. Otherwise no one can give you what you need in life. And bottom line is that makes everyone unhappy.

All humans have weakness - because without weakness their would be no strength, so pretending that you have none, is pretending that you are something you are not: Flawless.

The people who are often the most inspiring are those who dare be emotionally naked and show the scars that most of us hide behind our designer clothes.

If you risk nothing, then what is there really to admire? You are a scaredy cat: Hiding behind a shell, playing it safe. You are painting a pretty picture, but it is not real. It is an illusion that no one can connect with. You are guilty of adding more disconnectedness and loneliness into the world.

You are deceiving yourself...
Lies. All those little white lies are slowly eating you up.
Weakness comes from covering up who you really are. 

You think you are such a pro, because you are so careful in covering up your true self, that no one knows your fakeness? Everyone knows; except those dimwits who are also part of the same fame game. You can always sense pretentiousness from a far... it is not what you say; somehow people who disconnect from themselves have something about them that is so repelling in spite of the image they master to portray like an illusionist. But as anyone knows: Tricks are for kids. And it is so obvious for anyone not completely brainwashed by MTV that those who spend fortunes on designer clothes, hair salons, nails and what have you - always looking immaculate: Making sure that there is no outer sign of imperfection; they are seriously messed up on the inside. Otherwise they would not need to be so obsessed about perfecting their shell. This also explains why just about every celeb/model is either on drugs or suffering from borderline personality disorder. And more often than not: Both - and then some. That sort of narcissism brings sickness in its waters. Not a pretty sight.

You can't change what you don't know: Knowing your weaknesses enables you to prevent you from reaching your breaking point in all areas of life.

In my work as a Life Stylist I often use a SWOT analysis to help design the life that my clients long for. This tool often used in business is valuable as it helps to identify strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats when organizing and mapping out how to achieve the goals you want in life.

You can download this tool here and email it back to us when making your appointment.

Attention Whore. Are You?

I have this friend who smiles. Like, a lot.

Marilyn knew the power of emotional pornography: 
Make people THINK you like them.
Unfortunately, faking your feelings and manipulating others 
do not lead to happiness;
she ended up the mistress and ending her miseries in an overdose. 
With a smile, I am sure.

I have often wondered why it is that she smiles at every joe that passes her way? It is certainly not based on her finding them attractive, more often than not she admits to finding them repulsive.
What drives these fake smiles, is that she so desperately wants to be liked. It has nothing to do with whether she likes someone or not. She just wants them to like her. And they do; or rather they like the fact that someone likes them (...). Both driven by vanity and insecurity they suffocate each other in smiles, niceties and hollow flattery only because they crave the attention, the affirmation that they are worthy of the attention. The only reason they compliment is to hear it back, the only reason why they smile, is to be smiled back at, the only reason they stay is to receive flattery. Words so empty and without meaning.
Their being nice is actually an act based on selfishness. NOT that there is anything wrong with being nice. You might as well add some hope to a world drowning in pain, and in many cases something like just being there, being present means everything. But motive is everything. You cannot hide your vain ego behind a shallow smile and old lines.
And there is nothing more distasteful than to witness someone lying through their teeth out of vanity.

And that is why I so firmly believe that the first step to getting the body of your dreams and gaining attractiveness, is to FEEL great in your own skin. Because a great body will follow.
And everyone deserves to feel comfortable in this skin.

Monopolizing misery.

Meet client A: She is  21, comes from a wholesome family, tall and slender, has a loving and handsome boyfriend and her dad’s credit card in her pocket. And yet she cries herself to sleep every night, covers the mirrors in self-hatred and does coke on the weekends. She has no deep traumas. Spoiled brat, is she?

Meet client B: She is 23, sexually abused by her dad since her mother died when she was in her early teens. Everyone can understand that she cuts herself to distract herself from the emotional pain, prefers vodka over water and can’t hold a job (...).

Question: Who has the right to pain of the two? 

Answer: Both. Pain is in perception. Life hurts. Everyone cries. And they both hurt equally much. It is not what you go through in life, but how you deal with it.

Everyone has the right to pain, ironically people somehow tend to compete in that area, addicted to misery and yearning for pity: Demanding the right to misery, insisting that certainly their situation is unique; their life is so much tougher than anyone else’s (...)

If there is one thing I have learnt in life, it is that everybody hurts sometimes. No one hurts more than others. And yet it seems that there is this competition going on “who has it tougher”. I don’t get it: Aren’t we supposed to change what we don’t like in life, instead of continue being in a situation that cause us to complain day in and day out.

Isn’t insanity defined by the very act of doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different outcome...?

If so, insanity is the new normalcy. 

And that is just plain sad. It is certainly nothing to brag about.

Animals know pain, but no self-pity.

If you don’t like the cards you have been dealt, then play a different game.

Why continue to play a game that you hate? That makes no sense.

Only humans tend to be addicted to misery and demand pity. It is an incredibly selfish act, this trying to manipulate others via emotional pornography. Everyone deserves empathy and love, but using emotions to manipulate is pure selfishness.

I have never seen an animal feel sorry for itself. They take the hits, and then they move on. Kittens tumble and fall, and their mothers watch from a distance, ensuring that they can handle the hit, but don’t intervene unless a matter of life and death. They learn from an early age that “hey, life hurts, and it’s going to kick you til you lie down, so you might as well learn to protect yourself, lick your wounds, and then get back up”. Even when animals die, do they demand pity and cry? No, they carry themselves with pride, and bundle up to die. That is life. Death is a natural part of life. And if one has faith in God, then death is not the end.

Pain is universal, it’s not a competition about who hurts the most - because everyone hurts. It is about finding a solution and healing the scars: Everyone deserves to be loved. And oftentimes those who cry in silence need it more than those who open the watergates in public in a vain attempt to gain pity and attention.


If you need help to redesign your life, contact your Life Stylist - we can help you out of misery. We understand the biochemical and emotional complexities when changing your life, whether you a struggling with an addiction due to an imbalanced brain chemistry or stuck in self-destructive black/white addictive thinking causing fear and anxiety to take up your focus.

Your face is just fine, but you'll have to put a bag over that personality.

Los Angeles is infamous for its not-yet-out-of high-school boob jobs and model/actress/waitress Barbie dolls.

New York is known for its fair share of Botox filled ladies-who-lunch-and-only-god-knows-what-else gold-diggers.

These godforsaken cities filled with man-made creations, gravity defying skyscrapers and the obsession with anti-aging, have such a draw to them that whatever goes on in the rest of the world, and however messed up their respective economies may be, they remain the capitals of the world. A weird love-hate relationship has always existed when it comes to New York and Los Angeles.

Either you love what they stand for or you absolutely hate it. There is no middle-ground. Everything is taken to extremes. That goes for the quest of ultimate bodily perfection as well.

So much time, money and energy is spent on perfecting what was perfect to start out with from the hands of our creator - quite frankly it is insulting. On so many levels.

Extreme measures, such as risking the dangers of liposuction with a body-fat% already below the thirties and Botox injected in girls in their twenties driven by vanity, insecurity and oftentimes a generous amount of self-hatred,  is not based on respecting your body; it is abusing your mind and soul and disconnecting from true meaning - losing yourself along the way.

And that always makes me want to say, “You know, your face is fine, but you’ll have to put a bag over that personality… because that is just one uglyass personality.”

The Price of Vanity...

30 % of women would trade at least one year of their life to achieve their ideal body weight and shape.

Kelly Brook: Does having a slamming body equal happiness?

Latest research conducted for new eating disorder charity The Succeed Foundation, in partnership with the University of the West of England (UWE), has found that 30% of women would trade at least one year of their life to achieve their ideal body weight and shape.  The research has also found that in order to achieve their ideal body weight and shape:

-- 16% would trade 1 year of their life
-- 10% would trade 2-5 years of their life
-- 2% would trade 6-10 years of their life
-- 1% would trade 21 years or more of their life

The survey conducted at British Universities by Dr Diedrichs also discovered that in order to achieve their ideal body weight and shape, 26% of the women surveyed were willing to sacrifice at least one of the following:

-- £5000 from their annual salary (13%)
-- A promotion at work (8%)
-- Achieving a first class honours degree (6%)
-- Spending time with their partner (9%)
-- Spending time with their family (7%)
-- Spending time with their friends (9%)
-- Their health (7%)

The survey results suggest that body dissatisfaction was common among the women surveyed, with 1 in 2 women saying that more needs to be done on their university campus to promote healthy body image.

-- 46% of the women surveyed have been ridiculed or bullied because of their appearance.

-- 39% of the women surveyed reported that if money wasn't a concern they would have cosmetic surgery to alter their appearance. Of the 39% who said they would have cosmetic surgery, 76% desired multiple surgical procedures. 5% of the women surveyed have already had cosmetic surgery to alter their appearance.

-- 79% of the women surveyed reported that they would like to lose weight, despite the fact that the majority of the women sampled (78.37%) were actually within the underweight or 'normal' weight ranges. Only 3% said that they would like to gain weight.

-- 93% of the women surveyed reported that they had had negative thoughts about their appearance during the past week. 31% had negative thoughts several times a day
-- When asked which celebrity has the perfect body Kelly Brook came top of the list. Let's hope she found happiness and not just another Botox needle addict.


Looking great and feeling great do go together, as it shows when you treat your body with respect. But exchanging years of life for perfection screams out loud that we are not connecting the dots: If you fail to heal your inner wounds and the reason why you are struggling with emotional eating, then you will end up a shallow, hollow shell with little else to offer than firm buttocks. And when all is said and done... we all end up like raisins in the end. So finding that internal happiness before you pursue the body of your dreams should always come as step 1.


That is why a Life Stylist is key to make for lang-lasting change and permanent weight-loss success.
When you radiate happiness from within it shines through. And you will want to treat your body with respect.

Article URL: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/221215.php 05 Apr 2011