Starting over with Don Draper

(Turn off the music at the bottom of the right sidebar before watching this clip)

This clip from Mad Men illustrates the importance of forgiveness vs. holding on to the past and allowing it to turn into bitterness. Pete Campbell illustrating the ugliness of a person being eaten up by envy and bitterness and basking in others missteps - desperately hoping to look better by exploiting others weaknesses.

But alas - karma is a tricky mistress, and actions driven by bitterness rarely work out in your favor. It is completely incompatible with integrity, and thus reflects badly upon the attacker rather than the victim, disregard of how dirty his past may be.

Remember: Every day is a clean slate to start over. To be that person you want to be.

Whether your last name is Draper or not; leave your baggage at the door, and you will find that new doors open.

Forgive. Accept. Move on.

You can't reach what is in front of you, if you don't let go of the past: Forgive and you will be able to forget the pain of your past. Forgiving does not make it OK, but it does enable YOU to move on, instead of allowing someone to hold you prisoner in bitterness; inhibiting you from finding happiness in life.

What would Don Draper do?

So, what's your coping mechanism in life?
This sketch is just priceless - it is pure brilliant in portraying how many of us go about our daily life in some way or another, whether we are conscious about it or not, and whatever our "drug" of choice is.

As anyone who has watched an episode of Mad Men knows, Don Draper is the epitome of a civilized addict. His narcissistic behavior and need for control is a direct result of an unstable biochemistry, if he is not engaging in his drugs of choice (cigarettes, alcohol or sex), he is being emotionally abusive.

His inability to handle emotions is why he is succumbing to self-destructive coping mechanisms that temporarily numb him out.

Veteran actor Jon Hamm plays Don Draper in Mad Men.

First step in treating someone like Don Draper is to rebalance his biochemistry so that he no longer deals with those ongoing struggles that cause him to be a ticking time-bomb. He is constantly experiencing peaks and dips in his dopaminergic and seratonergic neurotransmitter system based on what he is doing (or temporarily abstaining from doing). And those drastic brain chemical fluctuations would drive anyone up the wall. You can have all the knowledge in the world on how to deal with emotions etc., but if you are fighting against your biology, you stand to lose.


Treating an imbalanced biochemistry should always come first - that enables people to feel comfortable in the skin they're in effortlessly and without needing to spend countless hours at the shrink's going over semi-invented or not childhood traumas that just are not relevant to keep dwelling on when focus should be on letting go of the past and moving forward.

Balance your brain and everything else in life suddenly seems a lot less dramatic.
Addicts create drama because they are about to crawl out of their skin - that is how uncomfortable it feels to be them, and thus creating some outside triggering dramatic event gives them a temporary relief from focusing on their own inner discomfort.

Once inner balance is restored there is no need to create outer chaos.

Get your brain chemistry evaluated here.

Amy Winehouse: Another one bites the dust.

Only 27 and today she was found dead in her London apartment.

Amy Winehouse has been struggling with drug, alcohol and food addiction for years; a deadly combination that sooner or later will lead to cardiac arrest. Ultimately, a lot of eating disorders and addictions cause heart attacks - which is then noted down as the primary death cause. But whenever someone below 50 years of age dies from a sudden heart attack, you have to look into their lifestyle more thoroughly - few young people have a weak heart, if not abusing some sort of substance or suffering from eating disorders; so many deaths are being misinterpreted and thus the statistics of how many young people actually die from their addictive behaviors are still in the gray zone.
Amy Winehouse is scheduled for autopsy tomorrow.

Amy Winehouse dead by 27. Killed by addiction.

If only she had known that the reason why she could not cut the chains of addiction by sheer willpower is due to severe brain chemical imbalances; and if those are not addressed via nutrient and amino acid therapy, every stint in rehab is doomed to fail, as she will constantly have the urge to self-medicate on drugs/alcohol to stabilize her mood temporarily.

For more info on how to rebalance brain chemical imbalances and how we can help you if you are struggling with an addiction contact us.

Source:

http://www.newser.com/story/124136/amy-winehouse-dead-at-27-found-in-her-apartment.html

Well, excuse me, who are you to judge?!

Said the kettle to the pot, when calling it black.
And this is a very tricky question indeed.
Because nobody is perfect. No one.

But does one have to be flawless to be able to observe?
I think not.

If you are offended by someone, then ask yourself why. Obviously, they hit a weak spot. And you can always reason your way out of every situation. But what does that really do in the end - nothing.

Rather by analyzing the facts and weighing out your part in it - how ever little you feel it may be; it does not matter, what matters is that you take ownership for your part - you are able to perfect your skills and improve.
Regardless of how black and dirty the person who called you out may be.

That person may be an excellent observer still, because you are mirroring their own imperfections; and isn't it always so obvious to pick up our own insecurities and personal struggles in others, because we know them oh-so-well? So, yes, we have every right to react with anger when called out for our flaws but does that make YOU a better person at the end of the day?
No, that just makes you stay in your shell and be a dirty, black pot instead of scrubbing yourself clean.

The choice is yours - you can't change others, but you can change yourself.
You just have to decide to do it: Choosing action over the all-to-tempting reaction pattern that is so hard-wired in our brains, but only serves as a one-way road to a negativistic outcome in life.

Where. Do you go.

When the night falls, and the shadows grow long, and there is nothing to distract you. 

But the sounds of silence.

I love that timespan from dusk til midnight, when everything is silent. There are no blinding lights for you to lose sight.  The hush has come to an end. It is like time stands still.

And you watch the summer-breeze play in the trees. It's like there is this gap in time - the day has not come to a definite end, and tomorrow has yet to come. 

It is in this timespan that dreams come true. 

It is in this gap, when everything has yet to begin again, that decisions are made and new beginnings arise with dawn.

It is in this timespan that you can breathe, and yet you are breathless. 

Happiness is being who you are meant to be.
Disappearing into that moment.  Just be.

It is in this timespan that your ego and everything out of this world that is ephemeral matters not.

It is then, that you can listen to the sounds of silence if you listen very carefully, then you will hear the whispers that tell you where to go when you feel lost in translation.

Just be. In that moment. There are no boundaries but those that you set yourself in your mind.

Just let go of yourself. And be. Who you are meant to be. Embrace it. And you'll never have to struggle with not fitting into a shoe that is not the right fit and never will be.

Unconditional Love. What is?

"Why don't you just love yourself some more?" I remember a friend telling me some years ago when I was busy "finding myself", or so I thought.
As you live life, you figure out that life is not about finding yourself, rather it is about creating yourself. You already have what you need right there, wherever you are, within you.
I was dumbfounded - love yourself some more? Why? How is that possible?
Well, this fundamental ability to love yourself unconditionally - wherever you are in life, whatever obstacles you are dealing with, is the most important human skill in life.
Every other skill and ability - however well we may master it, becomes secondary if we can't love ourselves unconditionally. Because guess what - if you can't love yourself without needing to live up to a set of criteria - how can you love anyone else? Love is supposed to be unconditional - what is the point in saying, "Well, darling you know, I'll love you if x, y and z. And don't forget the dishes while you're at it!". That is not love. That is a businesses proposal. Love is a feeling, it is not based on rational nor logic. And it shouldn't be. Emotions are valuable in themselves.

If you don't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. You may find yourself in various relationships based on vanity and fear. Fear of being alone and thus needing others approval out of vanity. Vanity and fear make for an ugly cocktail. You can't receive and accept love if you have cut yourself off from accepting yourself. And if you don't love anyone else, what value are you adding to the world then?

Yes, it may seem harsh - but love is the only thing that matters in life.

Eat. Breathe and.. Love. Always love.

And if you find it so hard to do, then get a pet. Yes, I said a pet, because entering a relationship before you love yourself is a disaster. However much another human may love you, if you don't love yourself, you will find a way to destroy that relationship. And when you say, "it is not you, it is me" - which you will undoubtedly say at some point down the road, that will be the exact truth and not an excuse. Simply because you cannot return the love that that person is showing you, as long as you don't know how to love yourself unconditionally. We can only connect to feelings that we ourselves have experienced. Mind you, that doesn't mean that we must have endured the same experiences - no, it is the feelings we must have experienced in order to connect and show empathy.

Getting an animal, and learning how to take care of it, is like taking a baby-step before learning to walk. Watch how that cat or dog loves you unconditionally. Unconditionally is not the same as accepting abuse, however. Putting up with abuse is incompatible with loving yourself, which must come before loving another human being. A cat will leave you, if you don't treat it with the respect that every living creature deserves. That's one thing I love about cats: You set it free to run in the morning when you wake up, and then when you call its name in the evening when you come home - and it comes back to you; then you know, it loves you. Because as the saying goes: when you set something free, and it comes back to you, it is yours.

It is yours because it chooses to be yours.

And I think that is the most amazing thing: That a wild creature, born to run free, chooses to give itself to you completely. Trusts you to take care of it.
You can only truly do that, if you take care of yourself.

Don't turn around (I heard her say).

In New York you do a lot of people watching. And people bumping. And something that rhymes on bumping. And people cursing. And people pleasing. And people hating. Just because there are people everywhere.
And a great place to watch people is in the metro. And it struck me: How many traces of bitterness on the faces... sitting there everywhere.
Bitterness is such an odd, unfamiliar feeling to me... it seems like such a waste of time, emotion and suffering to use on bitterness. Because nothing good ever comes from bitterness - it is like a dark shadow that sneaks up on you and suffocates you; while you try to drag everyone around you down with you.
And what is the point in that? That way everyone suffers and the only thing that is certain is that nothing constructive will arise from that feeling.

Yet it seems as if this is one of the top 5 most common feelings that humans allow into their life.
I was talking with a friend of mine whom had just been dumped. And she was extremely bitter. While it is understandable that it is painful; it's life. It has nothing to do with her per se. It does not make her of any lesser value. They were just not the right match, and perhaps he just realized it before she did. And so you move on. You cry. You accept it. And move on. No regrets, because there was a time where that may have been exactly what you were looking for - at that time, at that place in your life. It may have helped you develop some skills. However, things change, and you must be flexible to adapt. Don't look back.

And then I thought to myself, how come I don't feel bitter when people hurt me? Because I definitely feel hurt. And as most of Italian descent, I can get very angry a bit quick at times. But that's it - it never turns into bitterness. But that is only because whenever I have tried to suppress my anger, I notice right away that it turns into resentment - and that is one emotion that I can't afford in my life, because I simply cannot be creative and passionate, if I allow this feeling into my life. It is like giving up control of your life and accepting victimization. Thus, I must confront whatever the issue is that causes me to feel anger, before it turns into something toxic.

You have to first understand what initially triggers this feeling to prevent it from penetrating your life.

Typically you will get angry - and anger always occurs when we fear losing something - whether it be our ego or a physical thing. We can then either choose to deal with that anger and handle that conflict and move on; not turning back. Or, we can suppress our anger and avoid confronting the conflict.
This is where all of our internal alarm clocks should go off: Because this leads to a slow build-up of negative, unresolved emotions within us. What we resist, persists. So we become resentful. And as time goes by that resentment evolves into bitterness... and bitterness is very difficult to get out of your life once you have allowed that chain-reaction of thoughts and feelings to take place and infect your life.

Identifying your triggers in life and learning to deal with anger, instead of suppressing your feelings and letting it eat you up from inside, sets you free emotionally.

Cry. Scream. Yell if you must. Get it out of your system - find you coping mechanism.
But don't turn around. No regrets.

Like me, please like me.

She's so nice. Yes, everyone can agree on that. She never says anything bad (to your face at least...). So why is it that these very nice, seemingly harmless people are the ones who end up stabbing you in the back?

Because they are superficial nice. And their niceness is based on pretension - suffering from chronic nice-girl syndrome is rooted in egocentrism and vanity. Their need to be liked by everyone is driven by insecurity: Not knowing who they are - who they really are, when they are all alone. And that is why these people are social butterflies - they need to drown themselves in others approval because without it, they are left with nothing. So they go about their life and do the things they are expected to do. They never question their ways or motives, because they are so disconnected from themselves and their values are based on others. 

So what frightens these traditionalists? Anyone or anything that strays from the norm, from the game they are participating in. Because surely, everyone must play according to the rules. Rules they never dare question or rebel from as sick or outdated as these rules may be - they will follow them blindly, because without them they fear, they are nothing (world war 2 ring a bell?). Alone they are worthless - weak copy-cat beings adding no value, and deep inside they know it. Thus, it makes them angry when they see anyone going out of the norm, regardless of the obvious fact that they too have the freedom to choose the way they want to live their life. Instead they choose to project their own unhappiness and despair; the easy way out instead of taking ownership.

These people eventually end up in dead-end relationships, bitter and resentful. And to think that all along they had the power within them to choose to LIVE and not simply be alive.

It is a choice that every human must face. The longer you postpone it, the more you will end up regretting it. A great man once said : “Suffering is proportional to our resistance to change, and happiness is proportional to our ability to embrace change”. This man was Thom Knoles, one of the world’s leading exponents of Vedic Knowledge. In such a simple line, he has covered the basis for nearly all of the suffering on the entire planet. What I am about to say may be quite confronting for some. Suffering or happiness is something you can choose to experience.

Owning up to your own life and how it unravels is empowering and enables you to make a different choice that takes you down the path towards a life that is rich and rewarding and fulfills your inner desires.

Now go for it! You only regret what you didn't do in life.

Andy Irons: Autopsy confirms surf legend died of drugs

Irons was definitely my favorite surfer. He was everything every surfer wanted to be. Intense, talented, ripped abs and passionate. Irons was a legend in the surf.

Unfortunately he was not only addicted to fun, but succumbed to drugs in search of peace with his inner demons.

Irons came off as a very intense human being. I believe you need to be intense to be talented... Intensely driven to find your passion; meaning in life. To follow your call, never give up, always rise when you fall - like a cat you lick your wounds and then get back up.

When you are passionate you tend to connect with your senses. You have a hunger for more that yearns to be satisfied. You hunger for the flavors of life... but if you eat too many bitter flavors, it leaves you sick.

Intensity without balance is a one-way ticket to self-destruction.

Turn off the music at the bottom of the right side bar before watching this clip.


Reference:

http://www.tmz.com/2011/06/10/andy-irons-surfer-death-dallas-texas-medical-examiner-report-heart-disesase-cocaine-methadone/

The Essence of LifeStylism: Narcissistic Autonomy.

Lifestylism. 

Now what is this term, veering on the edge of pretentiousness, really a cover for?

The word lifestylism seems to have found its roots in anarchist literature. The Nutrition Doctor uses it as a medical doctrine related to healthy living from a holistic perspective incorporating body, mind & soul. It is not about promoting a narcissistic isolated focus only on you; it is impossible to live a fulfilling, sustainable life without engaging the people around us. 

While the debate about 'lifestylism vs. social activism' has been raging all around us, many people have missed the simple fact that there is no 'unbridgable chasm' between the two ideas. In fact, they are meaningless without one another. Engaging in social activism without changing your lifestyle to fit with your revolutionary principals makes one a hypocrite. Similarly, to try to live in a revolutionary way, while not engaging in social activism leaves one only further alienated.

The Nutrition Doctor is your LifeStylist.

Your lifestyle should be a manifestation of your values. If you care about animal rights then your lifestyle should reflect this by you fighting for animals. If you care about your children's health, then you should set an example and take care of your own body. Actions speak louder than words is the key to understand the term lifestylism, and why this overlooked behavioral approach to coaching is the only way to successfully reach your goals in life. Forget the one way monologue couch sessions at your shrink's - you need to evaluate, assess and come up with an action plan with a partner in order to style your life the way you want it.
Say NO to more endless venting sessions ending in loads of talk, but absolutely no action and impact.
Say YES to your personal LifeStylist. Download Meet Your LifeStylist here!

In Search of. Freedom.

Are you free?

Do you even know what it means to be free...

It is that feeling, when you wake up in the morning with the sunlight streaming down on your face and you breathe... you hear the birds chirping outside. For no particular reason do they sing; they are just happy to be.

It is that feeling, when you run barefoot along the sand, running through the white foam as the waves break on the beach.

It is that feeling, when you curl up in the window and watch life from far below, mesmerized by the pace.

It is that feeling when you walk deep beneath the oak trees and only hear the breaking of branches beneath you.

It is that feeling, when nothing matters yet everything does.

It is when everything just is, when you judge nothing - life flows and blows through you like the summer breeze caressing your skin.

You have everything you need. You are carefree and yet you care.

Life matters yet your worries are insignificant in the grande scheme of life.

That is freedom.

That is happiness.

And that is what every human aims for in life.

Freedom is when you let go of the chains of your past.
Freedom is when you judge nothing, and you let no one judge you.
Freedom is holding on to nothing, owning nothing.
Freedom is being in that very moment.

Free of the chains of your past.

You just decide to let go. 

Nothing can harm you but your own thoughts and fears.

No one has the power to chain you, except you.

And you are free to be whatever you want to be. Whenever you want to be.

You just make that decision; that NOW is the time. This time is forever.

That life changing decision and how to make it, is what your LifeStylist can help you with.

It is a basic need, yet so difficult to master the skill-set needed and thus so profound that you get help to achieve it in order to find happiness and gain freedom in life.

Don't allow yourself to stay chained to your past like a prisoner sentenced to life.
Contact your LifeStylist to break the habit of being you!

George Clooney's Secret to Fatal Attraction is Confidence in Motion...

(Turn off the music bottom of the right side bar before watching this clip)

Dark...

Strong...

Delicate...

Smooth...

Intense...

Just how I like my coffee. What else?

Now these may all very well be traits that apply to George as well, but what enables him to top the charts of most desirable males year after year is his confidence: His ability to exude that he is comfortable in his own skin through and through. 

There is something incredibly innocent in his uncanny ability to assume that him simply showing up is just adorable. 

And that is part of his secret to fatal attraction: He is emotionally naked and thoroughly comfortably in his own skin. It's a sensation that rubs off on those he surrounds himself with.

Everyone aims to be comfortable in their own skin, and whomever can make you feel comfortable in your skin, will be attractive in your eyes.

This fact is also why you will typically like to be around someone who shares your overall values in life, but can help to either take the edge off your tendency to be overly perfectionistic and Type A personality or push you to perform and organize your messiness depending on what you need. 

It is all about balance in life and learning to not push yourself towards your own extremist tendencies - whether they be obsessive perfectionistic, or you tend to enjoy the easy life to the point that you can't commit and  follow through when it matters. Both personality traits which are equally unappealing and self-destructive. Understanding your own personality traits is key to lasting friendships and relationships.

 That, and feeling comfortable in this skin.

James Bond's got it. Do you?

What is style worth without substance?

Nothing.

Style without substance is, in my humble opinion, the very definition of ugly.
What's the point of a shell that tricks you into thinking there is more than there really is.
It is a trick. A mind game if you will.
It's like a push-up bra - giving you the illusion of something grande, yet when the curtain falls, so to speak, you are left with nothing.
It is those who have been raised and praised for their looks their entire life that end up never developing other skills; so whenever they open their mouth to speak, it makes you cringe and wish that they'd just follow the adage "shut up and look pretty", knowing that in ten years, age will have caught up with them, and another pretty, younger face ready to take over. Their shell is threatened by time.

James Bond being the very definition of an icon who masters style & substance, and thus he is timeless.

Those who do not master the art of style & substance end up as shells. Shells so empty and hollow; so easily crushed.
Shells that are void of substance will always end up being crushed under pressure.

Style and substance. It is a balancing act.
Can you handle it?

How Victoria's Secret Marisa Miller remains sane: Surfing

Do you remember...?


What passion feels like.
The tingling sensation of rain hitting your skin.
The rays of the sun caressing your soul.

Do you remember what it feels like when everything flows.
Nothing really matters.
Do you remember what happiness feels like.
Do you remember what motivates you in life.
Do you remember what LIFE feels like?

Or did you lose yourself and your values along the way...

Everyone needs a crotch in life. Everyone needs something to fall back on when times are tough. Everyone needs that wake-up call that reminds them what truly matters in life.
Because we are only human and lest we forget our humble needs and human shortcomings we stand to fall.

The key is to choose a crotch that is not self-destructive. One that reconnects us with our inner values and call in life.

Being one with nature, experiencing how small I am compared to how grande everything that God created keeps me sane. Surfing keeps me sane.
Does your crotch in life keep you sane or add to insanity?

The Scent. Of Blood.

Why is it that we tend to repeat the very behaviors that we ourselves have been hurt by in the past.
Shouldn't it be crystal-clear that in order to not cause any more pain in our own and others lives, then we must never engage in behaviors that we KNOW will cause pain?

Thing is, it is a fine line - because one needs to have cut oneself in order to know the scent of blood, and know how to heal the wounds before the cut gets too deep and the blood drains; leaving the victim lifeless.

The scent of blood is tied to a deep longing to be loved.

If you don't know the scent of blood you have no clue on how to pick up the warning signs of scratched skin in others, and you will not be able to show empathy, because we can only connect to things that we have ourselves been exposed to in some form or another; you need to have felt pain to know what pain looks like in others. If you do not know what blood is, how can you stop someone from dying? You will simply wander through the bloodbath oblivious to the pain and suffering.

On the other hand: If your cuts are so deep, that they have drained your blood, and left you emotionally dead, then you will be drawn to the scent of blood like sharks in the ocean. You will find pleasure in others pain, because you have not healed yourself, and you are hurting so deeply that the only thing that can temporarily relief you from your misery is that someone else is in more pain than you.

And thus, hurting others becomes your coping mechanism; your life vest to keep you from drowning.
You more or less consciously seek out your victims, suck their blood and leave them lifeless - just like you once were. Yes, vampires do exist.

In order to break the habit of sucking out the life of others, you need to become conscious first. Because when people hurt others, they do it on auto-play - it is a habit so deeply ingrained in them that it is like breathing, they have led themselves to believe that it is necessary for their very survival.
How do you know if you are a vampire? Well, look at the trail of blood you have left behind. We will all have some blood stains behind us here and there, but if there literally is a trail of blood, then you are addicted to misery.

You cannot quit cold-turkey even though this is not a drug per se, but it still serves as your life vest - a survival mechanism. Most likely you don't even know you are doing it, but simply feel that you are a victim of bad luck.

And this in itself should be a warning sign: There is no such thing as bad luck, only bad choices.
You can learn to make better choices. Choices that slowly enable you to let go of the pain of the past and your addiction to misery.
It's human to be drawn to the dark side, but that does not make it any less painful nor acceptable.

You have a choice to change the way you act and react - affecting those around you, as well as your own life. Every time you hurt someone else, you step further away from happiness - even if you find instant gratification in the moment.

Stop hurting others. You are hurting yourself.

Knowing your weaknesses

What is the trait that you most deplore in others?

Think about it - because typically what we despise in others is our own dark side.

I.e. I couldn't care less about jealousy; likely because I don't have a jealous bone in my body (inasmuch as this is humanly possible anyway). However, I absolutely deplore pretension. The very scent of pretension just makes my hair stand up on my neck. Pretension comes in many forms. Pretending to be perfect. Pretending to be infallible. Pretending to be strong.

I used to be terrified of being weak; thinking that if people ever found out I had any sign of weakness/vulnerability within me, they would walk all over me and I would fall apart in a million pieces, never to be whole again. Well, newsflash: People will walk over you regardless, but only if you allow them to. And no, you will not fall apart. It may hurt, but time heals all wounds, and eventually you figure out, when people hurt you it is only because they are hurting; it has little to do with you.

Ironically, coming off as if you can't break, makes people want to see what your breaking point is even more. I guess it is part of human nature to be somewhat sadistic and to keep pushing the limits. If you don't set boundaries in life, then people can't respect them and won't know before they have already crossed the line. Pretending to be infallible is a recipe for a disaster, as you will none stop get attacked to prove you wrong.

Keeping it real: Connecting with your feelings...

The most obvious example being when we are kids: Those who bawl over everything and nothing get the most  attention. And those who bite the pain and never shed a tear get none. As much as I dislike drama and hypochondriacs, fact is that it is rarely those loudmouths that end up suicidal. It is always those quiet ones who cry in silence, never show their pain and thus never receive the love and care that every living creature needs in order to survive in this world. If you don't show your vulnerability, no one will know that you need nurture. You can't expect people to read your mind. And so you die - your pride ends up killing you. First emotionally dead and later... physically, however you decide to go about it before your time is up.You can change this unhealthy pattern. Risking vulnerability helps you remain sane - and yet, what prevents you from risking vulnerability is that you THINK you risk sanity. You need to remain sane enough to think rationally, and not rape everyone with your ever-changing feelings like another drama queen; yet it is key for your survival that you stay in tune with your feelings and show your needs. Otherwise no one can give you what you need in life. And bottom line is that makes everyone unhappy.

All humans have weakness - because without weakness their would be no strength, so pretending that you have none, is pretending that you are something you are not: Flawless.

The people who are often the most inspiring are those who dare be emotionally naked and show the scars that most of us hide behind our designer clothes.

If you risk nothing, then what is there really to admire? You are a scaredy cat: Hiding behind a shell, playing it safe. You are painting a pretty picture, but it is not real. It is an illusion that no one can connect with. You are guilty of adding more disconnectedness and loneliness into the world.

You are deceiving yourself...
Lies. All those little white lies are slowly eating you up.
Weakness comes from covering up who you really are. 

You think you are such a pro, because you are so careful in covering up your true self, that no one knows your fakeness? Everyone knows; except those dimwits who are also part of the same fame game. You can always sense pretentiousness from a far... it is not what you say; somehow people who disconnect from themselves have something about them that is so repelling in spite of the image they master to portray like an illusionist. But as anyone knows: Tricks are for kids. And it is so obvious for anyone not completely brainwashed by MTV that those who spend fortunes on designer clothes, hair salons, nails and what have you - always looking immaculate: Making sure that there is no outer sign of imperfection; they are seriously messed up on the inside. Otherwise they would not need to be so obsessed about perfecting their shell. This also explains why just about every celeb/model is either on drugs or suffering from borderline personality disorder. And more often than not: Both - and then some. That sort of narcissism brings sickness in its waters. Not a pretty sight.

You can't change what you don't know: Knowing your weaknesses enables you to prevent you from reaching your breaking point in all areas of life.

In my work as a Life Stylist I often use a SWOT analysis to help design the life that my clients long for. This tool often used in business is valuable as it helps to identify strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats when organizing and mapping out how to achieve the goals you want in life.

You can download this tool here and email it back to us when making your appointment.

In This Skin.

I have always been puzzled by people who are scared to be alone.

What are they afraid of? Emptiness. Silence. Self-hatred. What is it?

Being alone and feeling lonely are two very different things.
Are you comfortable in your own skin,
or do you distract yourself in an attempt to escape yourself?

Obviously humans are social creatures and not meant to be hermits, but being able to just be is an important skill in life: Be in that moment. Be with yourself. Be without distractions. Listening to the sounds of silence. That is key to be comfortable in your own skin. To connect with what drives you in life, and find true meaning and happiness. If you are not comfortable in your own skin, then you are in for one long uncomfortable ride in life. That, and it is impossible to be genuine and to connect with others. So ironically the fear of loneliness leads to a sense of disconnectedness which inevitably leads to feeling lonely even if you are constantly surrounding yourself with people and comfort relationships; mingling and dining your life away. 

You lose yourself. The only thing that matters in life: You - one more soul eaten by materialism, sucked to the bone and spit out in the gutter eventually. You have to learn to be comfortable in your own skin, before you can make permanent lifestyle changes that enable you to keep those ripped abs. Because if you do not respect yourself on a fundamental level you will self-destruct eventually - willpower is driven by emotions, and emotions change as the wind blows. You cannot rely on emotions to change your life and body - you have to find your core values in life that motivate you when times a rough and serve as your inner compass:

• Who do you want to be?
• Where do you want to be?
• What do you want to be?

Now you know where you want to go, the next step requires action - how do you apply your knowledge into action and meet your goals. That is what your Life Stylist will help you with: transferring knowledge into ACTION! 

Life. It is waiting. For you. Plan to succeed.

Monopolizing misery.

Meet client A: She is  21, comes from a wholesome family, tall and slender, has a loving and handsome boyfriend and her dad’s credit card in her pocket. And yet she cries herself to sleep every night, covers the mirrors in self-hatred and does coke on the weekends. She has no deep traumas. Spoiled brat, is she?

Meet client B: She is 23, sexually abused by her dad since her mother died when she was in her early teens. Everyone can understand that she cuts herself to distract herself from the emotional pain, prefers vodka over water and can’t hold a job (...).

Question: Who has the right to pain of the two? 

Answer: Both. Pain is in perception. Life hurts. Everyone cries. And they both hurt equally much. It is not what you go through in life, but how you deal with it.

Everyone has the right to pain, ironically people somehow tend to compete in that area, addicted to misery and yearning for pity: Demanding the right to misery, insisting that certainly their situation is unique; their life is so much tougher than anyone else’s (...)

If there is one thing I have learnt in life, it is that everybody hurts sometimes. No one hurts more than others. And yet it seems that there is this competition going on “who has it tougher”. I don’t get it: Aren’t we supposed to change what we don’t like in life, instead of continue being in a situation that cause us to complain day in and day out.

Isn’t insanity defined by the very act of doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting a different outcome...?

If so, insanity is the new normalcy. 

And that is just plain sad. It is certainly nothing to brag about.

Animals know pain, but no self-pity.

If you don’t like the cards you have been dealt, then play a different game.

Why continue to play a game that you hate? That makes no sense.

Only humans tend to be addicted to misery and demand pity. It is an incredibly selfish act, this trying to manipulate others via emotional pornography. Everyone deserves empathy and love, but using emotions to manipulate is pure selfishness.

I have never seen an animal feel sorry for itself. They take the hits, and then they move on. Kittens tumble and fall, and their mothers watch from a distance, ensuring that they can handle the hit, but don’t intervene unless a matter of life and death. They learn from an early age that “hey, life hurts, and it’s going to kick you til you lie down, so you might as well learn to protect yourself, lick your wounds, and then get back up”. Even when animals die, do they demand pity and cry? No, they carry themselves with pride, and bundle up to die. That is life. Death is a natural part of life. And if one has faith in God, then death is not the end.

Pain is universal, it’s not a competition about who hurts the most - because everyone hurts. It is about finding a solution and healing the scars: Everyone deserves to be loved. And oftentimes those who cry in silence need it more than those who open the watergates in public in a vain attempt to gain pity and attention.


If you need help to redesign your life, contact your Life Stylist - we can help you out of misery. We understand the biochemical and emotional complexities when changing your life, whether you a struggling with an addiction due to an imbalanced brain chemistry or stuck in self-destructive black/white addictive thinking causing fear and anxiety to take up your focus.

No, it's NOT the pants: It's your ass that makes your ass look big.

I have this friend who is always complaining about the size of her ass. Well, actually I have a bunch of friends who do this. Come to think of it, the majority of my female friends' favorite topic is to discuss physical flaws and what they are unhappy with.

A mind-blowingly boring topic, if I may say so.

Either own it or do something about it.
Complaining and whining is a waste of precious time.
That, and it is very unattractive.
Fatal attraction starts with feeling comfortable in your own skin...
whatever the size of your ass, and whether it needs a zip-code of its own or not.

Because nothing ever changes in the changing room; the question they ask remains the same, "Does my ass look big in this?". Well, if you need to ask darling, then it probably does. And no, it's not the pants: It's your ass that makes your ass look big. Take some responsibility and stop playing the victim. That said, there is nothing wrong with having some junk in your trunk; I think it's hot. The type of fat you accumulate on your rear is inactive fat; meaning it does not produce cytokines, the type of proteins that promote inflammation.

What I do not understand, however, is that if you are really unhappy about something, then why don't you just step up to the plate and change it, and go after what you want in life.

Instead of whining, complaining and trying... always trying. Trying is not going to get you anywhere. Either you commit to doing it, or you don't. Simple really. And yet, admittedly, it is the simple things in life that often are the most difficult to grasp.

Committing to doing something requires planning, structuring and mapping out what drives you and setting short-term as well as long-term goals. And don't think you can do it on your own, because you can't. When it comes to change, everybody needs help and accountability. The first step is admitting that even though you may know what you need to do, you just can't transfer that knowledge into action without help. Yes, this process probably takes a couple of sessions or ten with your Life Stylist, but that enables you to break the habit of being you and sets the fundament for your new life - designed by you, the way you want it.

What are you complaining about?
Write it down as well as a list of all the pros and cons of not changing - if the cons of not changing outweigh the pros, well, then it's time to commit to break the habit of being you.

Your New Body Is Waiting...

Everybody deserves to feel comfortable in their own skin....

It's gettin' hot in here... This summer... This could be YOU!

Contact us to get started with 

The Body Designer™ by The Nutrition Doctor