Hobo with a Shotgun... For all the talk about the glory and niche of "grindhouse" movies, every time one comes around that is supposed to be an homage to grindhouse, it typically is a pile of crap. Not every grindhouse style movie is a pile of crap...
...let's discuss "Grindhouse", first. What does that mean, to the common moviegoer? In the early part of last century, the 50s and 60s, maybe even the 30s and 40s, a "Grind House" was considered a theater that showed "exploitation films", and named for an actual theater located in New York City on 42nd Street where people would "bump and grind" while dancing. A grindhouse theater would many times show B-movies and double features. The term eventually evolved from meaning the theaters that showed such movies to the actual movies themselves, a'la "a grindhouse movie", and its typically a movie that contains sex, tons of ridiculous violence and usually a bizarre premise, it was always filmed on very lowgrade film with lots of scratches and cuts, and mostly were movies that were blasted by critics as horrible films.
Another great thing about Grindhouse movies are the movie posters. They are silly, corny and completely over the top. This one is a great homage to those films.
...anyway, when Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez did "Grindhouse" a few years ago, it was your typical grindhouse-like double feature... Rodriguez's part of the film, "Planet Terror", was awesome. It was funny, it was ridiculous, and it was a great tribute to those old kind of movies. Even right in the middle of it, there is a "missing" scene that, one the front end had two characters at odds, and when the film cut out and came back, those two characters were discussing how they were father and son. Plus, there is Rose McGowen who has a machine gun for a leg. Bizarre premise, like I said. Tarantino's part, "Death Proof", was less than so. It was long winded, it was trying to do too much, trying to be too much, and except for an awesome use of Kurt Russell, it was a disappointment after watching "Planet Terror". The main character introductory scene right in the middle of the film, using an old style camera shot of just going around the table, seamlessly, from person to person, was enjoyable for, oh, the first ten minutes, but it just kept going on and on and on until it was just completely boring. Even the last scene was a total letdown, save for a car chase that was sorta, kinda fun for again, the first ten minutes. Eh.
SIDEBAR... Speaking of "Sweet Sweetback's Badasssss Song", when Wookiee and I went to see the Troy Trojans play football, we made sure we stuck around for the band, the Sound of the South. Best band in the South, and that includes you, The Million Dollar Band of Alabama. Anyway, when the Colorguard came out, we noticed someone of color with a flag. Not unusual, right? Well, this someone was a guy. And he pranced, and twirled and did his thing better than most of them. We immediately dubbed him "Sweet Sweetback". He was there the next two games we went to, but not the last time we went. We miss Sweet Sweetback.
"Vanishing Point" really is nothing but a 90 minute car chase and features lots of gunfire and explosions and a blind DJ named Super Soul and an awesome white 1970 Dodge Challenger R/T with a 440/375 horsepower engine. Not a whole lot of plot, but I liked it because it was so ridiculously simple, yet cool.
Another film that came out in 2010 was the Robert Rodriguez/Ethan Maniquis film "Machete", which was just about the ultimate "grindhouse" film. It was absolutely stunning in how ridiculous, over the top yet tongue-in-cheek it was, and yet, the main character, Machete (played by Danny Trejo, who, along with Luiz Guzman, is part of a Mexican That Guy Mafia), is still hilarious. Honestly, this movie has no social redeeming value, has no purpose on this earth and this is so far removed from being Emmy Turnbow Safe, it makes "The Hangover" look like a Pixar movie. As a Christ Follower, I cannot in good faith, along with a desire to be encouraging and not a stumbling block, recommend you see this movie. That being said, its a hoot.
Here's Rutger Hauer. He plays a Hobo. And that Hobo has a shotgun. It doesn't get much deeper than that.
The whole point of this blog, though, was to discuss "Hobo With a Shotgun", a movie I saw recently on cable. Starring Rutger Hauer, the film stems from a contest winner--the contest asked participants to submit trailers, with the winning trailer getting a chance to be made into a film. The contest was held during a recent South by Southwest festival, and was held by none other than the aformentioned Robert Rodriguez.
Rutger plays The Hobo, who wanders into Hope Town, which has been taken over and is being run by a mean guy named The Drake, along with his sons Ivan and Slick, and all The Hobo wants to do is save up some money and open up a lawnmower shop, and he ends up meeting and caring for a young girl named Abby--he protects her, not chases her, by the way--and she wants to help him with his business when things go horribly awry and The Drake gets involved and then things get violent with The Hobo and then and so on and... well, you get it.
This movie was pretty terrible all the way around. I mean, I tried to watch it tongue-in-cheek, tried to appreciate why it was made, and how intentional the crap was supposed to be, and still, it was a pretty crappy movie,
So, there's your look at recent grindhouse. I'd recommend "Planet Terror", and possibly "Vanishing Point", and if you can handle the long conversation, "Death Proof". "Machete" is likable, but its really bad, and "Hobo with a Shotgun" is just bad all the way around.
One step closer to revealing what is the absolute, bar none, most awesome, Coolest Thing of 2009... but first, we have nineteen more things to discuss. And here's ten more, starting with...
The 20th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Where We Eatin', Y'all?" On my blogroll on the right, there are over 20 blogs listed. My rule usually is that if you don't update your blog in two months or so, I take it off the blogroll... of course, I'm still expecting to be on theirs, so its a hard double standard line to toe.
There are several who do update on a regular, or semi-regular basis, which include:
Happy Harper Stories... Married mom of two, Jaime, shares stories of family and kids, but mostly I like to wander aimlessly around her blog--her set up is much better than mine. B&W Daily Photos... Former Deucemate and Pimpalicious Shawn Sharp simply takes a photo each day. Sounds simple enough, and it is, but its a fun little site showcasing some great talent. Life's Random Happenings... One of my kids, Betsy, has this fun little random site she writes on, and I'm actually enjoying her list of things to accomplish before she dies.
And then there's this little beauty... its got this ridiculously clunky title, almost too long to remember, but long enough that you'll remember enough of it, called, "Where To Go Eat Or Not Go Eat... And Why", and its not so much about restaurant reviews as it is about the legendary Barnett Curse.
When its $10, $20, maybe $30 bucks for Amarilys By Morning (up from san antone), her husband Hurricane Rhett and their daughter Raspberry Vinaigrette to eat, they do okay. Mostly. The Lovely Steph Leann and I had dinner with them the other night, things went swimmingly.
When they fork over the $100 for dinner at the fancy schmancy places, they do okay, like you usually do when you are paying that much for dinner.
But when it gets between $30 and say, $70... all bets are off. Everything from waiters making racial jokes to time lapses of more than a few hours from arrival to departure. They wreak havoc on restaurants when they show up, not on purpose... but the Bad Service Fairy hovers over the place from the time the Barnetts walk in to the time they leave. And it makes for a great blog.
The 19th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Sunshine Cleaning" From April 2009 (written a year ago today, which tells you how far behind I am on getting this Top 100 finished)...
A couple of days ago we saw "Sunshine Cleaning". This was one I had been waiting on, as the previews looked wonderful and it helps that I'm in love with Amy Adams. Amy plays Rose Lorkowski, a 30 something woman who's life hasn't turned out like she hoped. Rose is not making much money, her son is a problem child, and she's having an affair with a guy that she knows down deep will never leave his wife. She's a maid for a maid service, and realizes that her life has really hit a wall when she ends up cleaning a house for someone she went to high school with.
I loved this movie in every possible way. It was charming, it was fun and there aren't a thousand subplots to try and tie up at the end. Some of the cliched stuff that you think would happen in a movie like this never does, which was refreshing, and Rose is such a lovable character that you root for her the entire time--and its heartbreaking when the major "event" happens that seems to ruin everything late in the movie. You even end up really liking Norah, despite some of the stupid things she does. What I also loved about this movie is it doesn't' feel the need to resolve every little issue with a Hollywood happy ending. Some things are... well, just done when they are done. Rated R for language and some Amy Adams underwear shots.
The 18th Coolest Thing of 2009... The Adam Carolla Podcast In the years leading up to 2009, namely 2005, 2006 and 2007, I knew only of Adam Carolla from "The Man Show"--no, I never watched it, I just know it was on Comedy Central and Spike TV for a while--and as a co-host of MTV's "Loveline", another show that I never watched, but knew about.
In 2008, Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons started having Adam come on his own podcast from time to time, and they were always podcasts I thoroughly enjoyed. Adam would usually pitch a "movie idea", and it was always something to laugh at... my favorite is the idea for a movie called "Long Snapper", about a disgraced NFL longsnapper named Rush Blitzer... and in it, he'd throw every cliche that movies present, from the cutaways to birds leaving the trees when something traumatic is going on to that weird double take look when someone sees something that surprised them.
I found out in early 2009 that Carolla was getting his own podcast, so I checked it out... and I've been listening ever since. Now, Adam Carolla is not Emmy Turnbow safe by any means--he uses foul langauge, he discusses topics that are not necessarily meant to be discussed at the dinner table, and he is seldom politcally correct... but he's hysterical. And practical. He doesn't pull any punches, he says it like it is, and he makes fun of himself to the extreme sometimes. Its randy but never disgusting, its Rated R but not NC-17... he also has guests in the studio (which in the early shows constituted his couch in his home, and now is a couch in a warehouse) and its fun to watch them let loose and discuss.
He's anchored by his friend Donnie, who he's dubbed "The Weaz", who helps produce the show, and will also feature his friends Bald Bryan and Teresa Strasser, who used to co-host "What Not to Wear" (and has her own funny blog) and many times, depending on the guest, its the first show out of the gate I listen to when I'm scrolling through my podcasts, even beating out Rush. (don't worry--I am now and forever will be a Rush fan until someone can not only convince me he's wrong, but prove it... hasn't happened yet...)
The 17th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Relator" The movie theater isn't the most likely place to discover music you like... but The Lovely Steph Leann and I were sitting, chitchatting away in the dim light, awaiting whatever movie to start to... well, start. The familiar voice of That Guy who does that Movie Tunes broadcast says something like, "Here's the new one from Ingrid Michelson!" and Ingrid Michelson starts out her song "Everyone". You know, "everyone, everyone wants to love, everyone everyone wants to be loved, oh whoa whoa... oh whoa whoa..."
I thought it was cool. I got out my phone and texted "Ingrid M Everyone" to myself. Wanted to do that so I would remember to listen to it, and possibly download later.
And then, after "Everyone" had finished, the same guy rambled on about something or another, possibly telling me I should go get a refreshing Coke for like, $8.75, at the refreshment stand. Then he says something strange--"Here's a new tune from Pete Yorn and Scarlett Johansson".
Exsqueeze me? Bakin' powder? When did ScarJo become a singer? What did I miss?
And here comes this raspy voice, a voice that I struggled to place with ScarJo... "When I met you... I didn't know what to do... I was hungry, I was tired, I fight..."
And once again, I grabbed my phone, texting "ScarJo P Yorn Relate" to myself. All I've got is this tune in my head, "you don't... relate... to me... no no..." and when I finally get home, I Google the lyrics and it comes up with "Relator", by Scarlet Johansson and Pete Yorn, from their duet (!) album "Break Up". I've listened to most of the tunes on the whole album, and they are alright enough, but "Relator" is the gem. Its a great, great driving song.
Anyone who knows me knows I have an affinity for The Sports Guy. He's a columnist on ESPN.com, a former writer for ESPN The Magazine, and the author of the book that was the 6th Coolest Thing of 2006. His latest book is a must-read for anyone who has ever enjoyed anything about the NBA... its almost NBA overload.
In this 700+ page behemoth of a book, The Sports Guy tackles the Top Ten Greatest Seasons of All Time... He looks back and retroactively awards MVP titles to those who should have gotten them, as opposed to who did get them (many times not the same thing) and his love of the Boston Celtics and the National Basketball Association shines through when he devotes hundreds of pages to the best players of all time, ranked from great to greatest in his attempt to revamp the Basketball Hall of Fame.
There are tons of statistics and names dropped, a few shots taken at players like Vince Carter, Kareem and Kobe, and lots of basketball history--the man did his homework--but what sets him apart from other columnists I enjoy is his pop culture knowledge. Being a pop culture afficinado myself, I not only appreciate, but revel in the jabs and jokes that come along, sometimes making me feel a little special because I know some of his references are harder to identify, and only a few of us can do so. Cause we rock.
Because of time contraints, it took me a solid two months to plow through this book (and I'm actually going back and re-reading my favorite chapters because the start time to finish time was so lengthy), and after his baseball book, and now The Book of Basketball, it makes me wonder if a football opus is around the corner at some point.
The 15th Coolest Thing of 2009... "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children" From a post written on August 23rd, 2009... You know, I take pride in the fact that I'm pretty good with films. I've seen thousands of movies over the years, and many of them are the same, or at least the same type, and you can kind of predict patterns, kind of see where a movie will go, sometimes have a good clue as to "whodunit" before the blood dries on the ground...
however comma
I have to be honest in saying that this film went in a COMPLETELY different direction than what I was thinking it would. The trailer, which was very cleverly uninforming by Tarantino, tells you nothing of what this movie holds and where its going to go.
The Basterds, as they are called, is a group led by Lt. Aldo Raines, played by Brad Pitt, and he wants to kill Nah-zees.
Aldo Raines recruits a group of soldiers to do just that very thing, but along the way, we also see the story (and backstory) of Shoshanna (a wonderful--and gorgeous--Melanie Laurent), who's entire Jewish family is butchered by infamous Jew Hunter, Col. Hans Landa. Landa is played by Austrian actor Christoph Waltz, (who ended up winning an Oscar in March of 2010--d$) and the character is played to unsympathetic perfection. You want to absolutely hate Landa for who he is and what he does, but you almost find yourself liking him just because he is so "I'm just doing the job they asked me to do, and I'm going to do it well" blaise about it. Only the job isn't tiling a bathroom or fixing a transmission, its hunting and killing Jews in France.
Anyway, I enjoyed it quite a bit. On QT's movie rankings, I'd still ranking Dogs as my favorite, followed closely by "Pulp Fiction"... and then this one. I look forward to watching it again, enjoying all of Tarantino's eccentricities that he dashes throughout his films
The 14th Coolest Thing of 2009... MZ Gets a Starbucks Its always good when your friends succeed.
When I went to The Happiest Place in the Mall in July of 2008, I stepped down as a manager at Starbucks, and went just part time at a store in Homewood, AL. It was a store that had scheduled to close, and at that time I was almost at 6 years with the company, and I was asked to help the store close down. When it finally did, I was transferred over to the Starbucks on 280, right next to Hwy 119.
Working there? My friend MZ that I had known when she was a customer ordering her Grande Raspberry Mocha on a daily basis. She became a barista, then a shift... and when the long term manager left for another career, she was promoted, much to the chagrin of some who thought she was "too new" and they were next in line.
She was very "new", but she was experience enough to know what she was doing, and humble enough to know she was in over her head. When I found The Happiest Place would become The Emptiest Place in the Mall, I asked her if I could come on full time... and though we were friends, she took a professional stance and actually thought about it and about what would be best for the business. She agreed, and when my job ends, I'll once again be doing Starbucks 40 hours per week.
Its been about a year or so now, and she's learned alot... and I've learned alot from her. I'm excited about working for, and with, MZ, because I've watched her already. People respond to her leadership, which is built on relationships and a fever to help each person do their best in whatever they are doing--that in turn will be best for the business. Maybe she's "new", but she's already miles ahead of many managers who had been doing this for a long, long time.
The 13th Coolest Thing of 2009... Inside the Magic I love audiobooks (I'm right in the middle of a 30 disc narration of "Under the Dome" by Stephen King... which I'll talk about when I finish, because its marvelous) but when I listen to an audiobook (like said 30 disc novel), I always have to play catch up on my podcasts... such as the 1:45 it takes to listen to a complete, commercial free Rush Limbaugh show. Or the 45 minutes to an hour it takes me to listen to either Carolla's podcast or The BS Report with The Sports Guy. Or the 30 minute weekly show called ESPNU College Football, which comes on every other week in the offseason.
And last January or so, I decided I wanted to jump into a few Disney podcasts... I listened to a few, and found some to be either long winded or too random, but one stuck. I listened to "Inside the Magic" again the following week... and the following week.. and the following week... and sometime would go online to watch the videos that host Ricky Brigante would post, various openings of stores, or coverage of a press event or so on.
Each show starts with a "Trip... around the world", with Ricky, an Orlando resident and frequent visitor of the parks, giving news from not only Walt Disney World, but also Disneyland, sometimes parks overseas if the news is big enough, various news and rumors from other Disney areas like movies and music, and even sometimes news and such from other Orlando area attractions like Sea World and Universal.
Ricky's got this odd voice that you think will grate on you, yet in a short time it becomes an easy voice to listen to even for long period of time (his Ear in Review show? Four hours) and his wit comes through as he's not afraid to take a jab at Disney... he's a fan just as much as we are, and with that comes the good and the bad.
Says Ricky: "In the next bit of news, I don't know why I didn't lead with this... huge news for everyone... its officlal. Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato... are dating. You heard it here."
The show sometimes features movie reviews, music reviews and restaurant reviews, many times has interviews with people from the Disney universe, and will often feature a segment called "Cruisin' the World", with Skipper Ben, a former Jungle Cruise skipper who lives in Dallas, TX, but has never lost the Disney bug.
The show has been a valuable source of information for me in my time at The Happiest Place in the Mall, many times hearing rumors and news, getting release dates of certain things like DVDs and such, even before the company let us at the store level know. If you are looking for a weekly podcast, you can find Inside the Magic in the iTunes store, or on their new website, but will also add to the Disney links on the right. Back to yooooooooooou Ricky.
The 12th Coolest Thing of 2009... Disney with The Lovely Steph Leann Once again, for our anniversary, The Lovely Steph Leann and I headed to Orlando, FL, to spend 9 days amongst The Most Magical Place on Earth--that being Walt Disney World.
Now, you may wonder "Why is a vacation with your wife only ranking 12th? Shouldn't that be the most important and coolest thing? What kind of man are you?!"
To that, I answer that yes, this trip was very cool. Any trip with The Lovely Steph Leann is a good trip. A cool trip. But the two reasons that this trip ranks 12th and not 1st are simply... 1) We went with my mother-in-law and aunt. Now, this wasn't inherently a bad thing, it was enjoyable, and Mama Ruthless actually paid for several meals and took care of us through the trip. We hung out with them some, and split up from them some... but the fact that our anniversary vacation was taken with a mother-in-law and an aunt... just sayin'.
And 2) The Lovely Steph Leann got sick. I mean, sick. I mean, sick sick. It started in the middle of the trip, and perhaps began when I didn't feel good. I went through a day or so of stomach issues, with my immune system, usually built like a tank, fighting off the stomach flu. But as the old saying goes, "That which does not kill us goes after The Lovely Steph Leann and makes her sick." And the stomach flu did just that very thing, knocking her completely out of action for one full day and bits and pieces of days after that. She's said it was one of the worst, darkest days of her life.
So the stomach flu was the big hindrance to this trip being 12th and not 1st... but for a few notes from the trip, you can click to the one post I wrote concerning the trip.
The 11th Coolest Thing of 2009... Movies With Mikey There's a road that runs through the little town of Hoover, and on that road--Lorna, to be exact--there's a little shopping center... I say shopping center, but there really is no shopping... maybe its a business area. There's a club there that has been through about fifteen different names, including Frogger's and Roper's, and I think its Bumper's now.
Next to it is a small movie theater that I'm sure in its heyday, back when Ace of Base ruled the charts and perhaps the Dallas Cowboys were beginning a dynasty, was a clamour of activity and profit. You know its an older theater when you walk in and you realize you don't have to climb any steps to get to your seat. Nay, you have to walk down a slight incline and choose your row.
We take for granted stadium seating and you young fellas and gals probably don't remember a time when all seats were on the same level, save for a ramp that took you a little lower the closer to the screen you got.
This is why Mikey and I love this theater... and this is why Mikey and I make it a habit to get together a few times a month for a movie there. Oh, and the fact that its a single dollar to get in. If you've ever walked out of a theater you've paid $9.75 to get into thinking "Man, that movie was terrible... I hate that I wasted a Zaxby's meal and a Chick-fila Cookies-n-Cream milkshake worth to see that."
That's the idea behind The d$ and Mikey Crappy Movie Series. We go see movies that we kinda want to see but don't dare pay $10 for, because we aren't sure we'll even like it. Sometimes we make it a point to go see the worst of the worst. Someitmes we are pleasantly surprised at how much we like a movie. We always have a good time.
Some of the movies we have seen this past year include... "Observe and Report", one of the worst films I've ever seen... "Land of the Lost", a pretty bad Will Ferrell flick... "Men Who Stare At Goats", which I'm still trying to figure out the plotline... "I Love You Man", solidifying my love of Paul Rudd... "Year One", funny at times but only here and there... and "The Goods: Live Hard Sell Hard", pushing hard to be worth the one dollar we spent... talk about your epic, award winning films. All were preceeded with a burger at Baha or some other find eating establishment, and all included great conversation with one of my best mates.
Here's to another year full of crappy, terrible one dollar movies.
And finally... here comes the top ten.. two movies, eight people, two songs, a gathering, a toy and a toy ride... the Top Ten Coolest Things of 2009...
So there are your Golden Globe awards for another year. I'll be back in a few days with more Idol, and another few installments of our Top 100 Coolest Things of the Year...
11:41p... Ricky Gervais appears once more, thanks the crowd, does one more shill for his TV show... and thats it. There are the Golden Globes, short (3 hours doing movies AND television) and sweet.
11:37p... Julia Roberts is out here to give away the award for Best Picture. It's "Avatar", which now has the momentum to carry it to the Oscars for Best Picture. Sigh.
11:31p.. Ah, Kate Winslet. I love me some Kate Winslet. Here's Best Actor in a Drama... one of the nominees is the President of The Lovely Steph Leann's Colin Firth Club, Colin Firth. He doesn't win, though... it goes to Jeff Bridges for "Crazy Heart"... and its awesome, because the entire room is giving him a standing ovation.
"You are really tearing up my under-appreciated status here," he says. He then calls out "my beautiful wife... get a shot of her!" Then sends a nod to his dad, the late, great Lloyd Bridges. Jeff is one of those actors who you never think about how good he is, and then you realize how much awesome stuff he's been in... "Tron"... "Starman"... "The Fabulous Baker Boys"... "Iron Man"... "The Last Picture Show"... "Surf's Up"... and of course, "The Big Lebowski"... great career.
11:28p... Some chick who's name I missed is doing Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical. And the winner? Another shocker... Robert Downey Jr in "Sherlock Holmes". Really? Well... he made that film what it was... and he gives the best speech of the night, slightly edging Drew Barrymore just for comedy content...
11:24p... Mickey Rourke's Corpse comes out wearing a terrible hat and terrible suit, to give away Best Actress in a Drama. The winner? Sandra Bullock for "The Blind Side"... wow... seriously, didn't see that coming at all. The Lovely Steph Leann screamed again. Hey, I'm not saying she didn't earn it, but wow... I really thought it would be one of those "your reward is being nominated" for Sandy... but rock on.
Also... Mickey looked like he threw up in his mouth a little when he announced Sandy Bullock winning. Here is a pic of Mickey before the plastic surgery (inset) and the after shot.
11:22p... Ah-nald is out to introduce "Avatar" as a Best Picture nominee, takes a dig at NBC ("the only way that James Cameron would make more money is if he were hired by NBC... then fired by NBC").
11:20p... Is anyone else as NOT stoked about the Winter Olympics as I am?
11:20p... Uh... Mike Tyson is standing onstage, a part of a group who just won a Golden Globe Award for a movie, the same stage that Mo'Nique stood on after winning an acting award of her very own. I'm not joking.
11:19p... And Ashley Judd Club member Reese Witherspoon is out to give away Best Picture Comedy or Musical. How great would this be if "The Hangover" won? AND IT WINS!!!! THAT IS SO AWESOME!!!
11:18p... The guys from "The Hangover", including Mike Tyson, are out to introduce their own movie... this movie is awesome.
11:15p... Jack Bauer and Olivia Wilde come out to give away the award for Best Comedy or Musical TV Series.... The Lovely Steph Leann might go postal if "Glee" doesn't win... or she might do the same if it does win. Dunno. There are a thousand people onstage, including Jayma Mays (left).
The winner? "Glee". The Lovely Steph Leann just screamed loudly. The blood that is slowly trickling from my right ear I'm sure will dry on my wife-beater t-shirt.
11:09p... Jodie Foster comes out and introduces "The Hurt Locker", an awesome, amazing movie. Ricky Gervais, beer in hand, says, "Cheers." Then he says, "If I offended anyone, its the beer... I love to drink as much as the next man... unless the next man is... Mel Gibson..."
Mel Gibson is here to introduce the Best Director nominees. I miss Fun Mel Gibson. When he's not going off on cops and fathering children with nannies, he's a great guy to watch. The winner? James Cameron for "Avatar". I was expecting Kathryn Bigelow for "The Hurt Locker", but I'm kinda wondering if this is a foretelling of whats to come at Academy Awards night--Cameron winning, and "Avatar" winning Best Picture, which I'm totally opposed to... not that they will ask my opinion.
10:56p... And here is the CC DeMille Award for Lifetime Achievement, which usually takes about 20 minutes. This one goes to Martin Scorsese. They do a pan shot to Brenden Fraser. Who invited that guy?
Anyway, let's talk about the movies Scorsese has done... "Goodfellas"... "Aviator"... "Raging Bull"... "Taxi Driver"... "The Color of Money"... "The Departed"... "Cape Fear"... "Casino"... "Gangs of New York"... even his crap, like "Bringing Out the Dead" was good crap. For what its worth, I lift my coffee cup to you, Marty Scorsese.
10:52p... Ricky Gervais digs on Halle Berry in "Catwoman" before bringing her out. I will always like Halle Berry, if only because she actually showed up at The Razzie Awards to accept her Worst Actress Award for "Catwoman". The Best Supporting Actor goes to... Christoph Waltz for "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children", which I predicted, because he was amazing in that movie. As he gets his award from Halle, The Lovely Steph Leann says, "She's thinking 'please don't kiss me!'"
10:49p... Supporting Actress in TV Series, Mini Series or Movie. "Glee"'s Jane Lynch is nominated, and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I'm gonna be so mad if 'Glee' doesn't win anything!" Well, get mad, cause the chick from "Big Love" won. The Lovely Steph Leann shouts, "Dang it!"
10:48p... Team Jacob comes out, much to the delight of a million and four girls age 14 and under, to introduce "(500) Days of Summer". I liked it. I didn't love it. It was cute, but it wasn't the brilliant film that I was hearing about from everyone... though its use of "You Make My Dreams Come True" by Hall and Oates might be brilliant in in of itself.
10:44p... Amy Poehler and Zack Levi come out to introduce Best Series Drama, including "Dexter", "Big Love", "House", "Mad Men" and "True Blood"... the winner? "Mad Men". I've seen one episode of this show, and I'm already hooked. I'm totally getting the DVDs.
10:39... The baddest mofo on the planet, Samuel L. Jackson, is here to introduce "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children", which is in my top ten movies of the year. He then introduces Sophia Loren as a "real, live movie star", and she gets a standing ovation. She looks great for 113 years old. Those glasses are horrific, though. "That is a shame," The Lovely Steph Leann comments.
She's here to introduce Best Foreign Language Film... Baaria... Broken Embraces... The Maid... Un Prophete... and The White Ribbon from Germany, which is going to win... and... and... and... it does. Its about kids on the eve of some day in World War II. That's got Oscar all over it.
Of course, wouldn't it be interesting to see "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children"--about Nazi killing Jews--and "The White Ribbon"--about German kids in World War II--go head to head.
10:38p... Maggie Gyllenhaal reminds us to give to Haiti. She looks ghastly.
10:36p... Jennifer Garner, who is probably not nominated for "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past", and Ashton Kutcher, who is probably not nominated for anything, is giving out Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical--The Lovely Steph Leann claps when the guy from "Glee" is announced as a nominee. Alec Baldwin wins, but is nowhere to be found, as he's off doing charity for the Haitian Nation.
10:33p... Ricky Gervais introduces "Rachel from Friends and that bloke from 300"... So Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston come out to give away Best Screenplay. A huge catagory, all five great movies... the winner is Jason Reitman for "Up in the Air"... my favorite film from 2009. I admit it.
10:31p... Cameron Diaz comes out and says, "THIS is the film where Meryl Streep DOES sleep with Alec Baldwin". She's referring to "Its Complicated", of course. Cameron Diaz hasn't been pretty or talented since the first "Charlie's Angels" movie. Just sayin'.
10:28p... Me: So you don't like Drew's dress, huh? The Lovely Steph Leann: NO! Drew gives a shout out to Mo'Nique... and then gives the most honest, best, most genuine speech of the entire night. She's flustered, she's fumbling, she's speaking 90 to nothing... Rock on, Drew Barrymore.
Drew Barrymore: I'm humbled and honored
The Lovely Steph Leann: What is that thing on her hip? Like, its bad enough on her shoulder... but her hips too?
10:24p... The "Avatar" costars are out to do the Best Actor in TV Movie or Mini-Series. Winner? Kevin Bacon for "Taking Chance", a movie that I had on DVR for about six months... then deleted without watching. He was also nominated for... "The River Wild", back in the 90's, also starring... Meryl Streep.
And while we are at it, Best Actress in a TV Movie or Mini-Series.... I want Drew Barrymore to win, so The Lovely Steph Leann will go off again about Drew's dress. The winner is... Drew Barrymore for "Grey Gardens"! She was my favorite bad girl back in the 90s... and its her first Golden Globe win. That's just awesome...
10:22p... Could Helen Mirran be the most attractive 83 year old in the history of the world? Seriously. She always looks so, so classy and uppity. She introduces "Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire". Now I'm depressed.
10:18p... Ricky Gervais makes a drunk Irish joke, then introduces Colin Firth, who introduces the Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical. The winner goes to... Meryl Streep for "Julie & Julia"... yay! The Tuch looks on, and seems proud. The Lovely Steph Leann was rooting for Sandy Bullock in "The Proposal".
I notice that as Meryl Streep talks, the music doesn't play. The band director is asking the show director "Do I start?" and the show director is saying, "Are you kidding? This is Meryl Streep. DO NOT cut off Meryl Streep..."
10:15p... Tom Hanks: "I'm here to introduce the movie that features Meryl Streep, and in this one she doesn't end up in bed with Alec Baldwin, but instead ends up in bed with Stanley Tucci, a step up..." Its "Julie & Julia", which was a great film, featuring the aforementioned Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, and a great turn by Meryl Streep.
10:10p... Yay! Its Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with! The Lovely Steph Leann said, "Is she pregnant?" and I said, "Yes, but its not mine, I promise." I got an eye roll. Anyway, the nominees for best TV Movie or Mini Series. The winner is "Grey Gardens", and whoever got up to accept the award turned her back to the camera, and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Oh no! That dress is terrible!" Then she proceeds to rip Drew Barrymore a new one for "that thing on her shoulder... and oh my lord, she's got one on her waist too!"
10:08p... The score from "Up" is nominated for Best Score, and I hope it wins... it was wonderful. The winner? "Up"! Its awesome. Its so... well, perfect. It takes you through those first gut-wretching, hard to watch, can't look away 9 minutes of that movie.
10:05p... Cher and Christina Aguliera are in a movie together, something called "Burlesque". They are here to do the awards for Song from a Movie. Cher looks terrible. Not sure she could smile if she wanted to. Christina... not too bad. Its been a long time, Christina. Glad to see you back. I was guessing "Winter" by U2, from "Brothers", was going to win, to make up for the loss a few years ago when Three 6 Mafia took home the Oscar for "Its Hard Out Here for a Pimp" over U2's song from "Gangs of New York".
Who won? The song from "Crazy Heart", which I should have guessed. Its a country music movie about a hard drinking country star fallen from grace. Shoulda known.
10:03p... Here's the ever grumpy Harrison Ford. Seriously... this guy is not only Han Solo, but also Indiana Jones, plus he was in "Witness"! He was in "The Mosquito Coast"! He was in "American Graffiti"! Harrison! You've led an incredible life. Smile once in a while, bucky.
9:59p... Best actress in a TV Series Drama... All five women in shows I've never seen. Julianna Margulies for "The Good Wife", which I have heard is a great show. I just don't have time for more TV shows!!!
9:57p... Best performances in drama! Actor in a TV Series Drama... and the winner is Michael C. Hall for "Dexter", in his cancer-like knit cap. I remember him as the gay brother in "Six Feet Under".
9:52p... And someone who hasn't been talented or pretty since "Amost Famous" its Kate Hudson! And here's Mrs. William H. Macy, Felicity Huffman, completely fumbling and stumbling through the teleprompter to tell us who the Hollywood Foreign Press Association actually is... we meet the president, Philip Burk, who isn't the same Philip Burk I remember from the Lambda Chi house back in 1995. And we still don't know what the HFPA does.
9:48p... The Animated Film Award, which will either go to "Up" or "The Fabulous Mr. Fox"... I hope that Pixar is not being held back because of its previous winnings... like a "They've won so many, so let's give it to someone else" kind of mentality. The winner? "Up". Ha! I knew it! The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Yes!!"
9:48p... I hold the personal belief that Sir Paul McCartney stopped being relevant about thirteen years ago. Just sayin'.
9:44p... Yay! Its Mama Gilmore and some guy that I sort of recognize. Mama Gilmore looked better on the show. Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series, TV Movie or Mini-Series. Its Doogie! Everyone loves Doogie! The winner, though? John Lithgow wins for "Dexter". I don't even think I knew he was on that show until yesterday, when The Sports Guy mentioned him in a podcast that I was listening too. They cut to Michael C. Hall, the star of "Dexter", who is sporting some sort of knit skull cap--what, does he have cancer?
9:41p... Best Actress in a TV Series Comedy or Musical. Matthew Fox is out there with someone that I don't recognize (I think its the chick from "Modern Family"), she's trying to get out her names, and its hard to understand her. The Lovely Steph Leann claps when the chick from Glee is mentioned as a nominee. Toni Collette wins for "The United States of Tara", which I could have predicted as soon as that show premiered last January... Toni Collette is playing a woman with like, five personalities. If that doesn't get you an award, I'm not sure what does.
9:38p... Let me be clear. Mo'Nique just won an acting award. And she's going to tell us about all the beaten and abused women out there... and I was right. "Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire" is a movie that I want to see. Then again, I don't.
9:36p... Nicole Kidman looks like a wax figure. She's here to present the award for Best Supporting Actress... Penelope Cruz is one of those chicks that I should find attractive, but don't. Same goes for Vera Fermiga. Not so much for Mo'Nique. Julianne Moore and Anna Kendrick I do find attractive. And in the "Yep, saw that coming" moment, Mo'Nique picks up the award for "Precious: Based on the Novel Push By Sapphire".
9:34p... And he makes some pee-pee jokes... and jokes on Angelina Jolie and her 4,992 kids... and then says, "Let's get on it with, before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno." Knew that was coming!
9:31p... Our host is Ricky Gervais, British comic and star of the British show "The Office", which is where our "The Office" is based from. The Golden Globes is awarded from The Hollywood Foreign Press Association, which is a group that I have no clue what they are about. Ricky comes out and takes digs at Steve Carrell, who portray's Gervais' American character. Then he takes a dig at NBC (who doesn't).
9:29p... And now... the Golden Globes have started. Finally.
9:25p... The Lovely Steph Leann is still talking. The show still hasn't started for us. I've been careful to avoid E! Network or EW.com or Showbiz Tonight on CNN or anything else that might allude to who won what award. So far. Not sure how much longer I can keep this fast up.
9:15p... And now I wait for The Lovely Steph Leann to quit her yapping so we can turn on The Golden Globes Awards show, the show that started almost 2 and a half hours ago--I had high hopes that if we started at 7:30, even 8, we could fast forward through what we wanted to, and catch up to the live show. But alas.
9:13p... We're in! We booked, we're all set, we have a room at All Star Sports for The Lovely Steph Leann and I, then an All Star Music Suite for Karen, Eric and the childrens. Again... you call until you get the answer you want. And we got the answer we wanted. Rock on.
8:59p... We are traveling with the cousin of The Lovely Steph Leann, Karen, and Karen's husband Eric, and their two children, Wyatt and Hannah. Both kids are severly autistic, which is something that I know about.. but don't know about. So, like, I don't know much about "how that works".
8:53p... Finally, back from on hold... and our Cast Member we are talking to is named Elisa. She rocks. Seriously...
8:46... Still on hold
8:22pm... The Golden Globes officially started at 7pm, which is 5pm California time. However, we've got it on DVR, and we haven't started it yet... why? First, I had to work tonight until 7pm at The Happiest Place in the Mall. Then, when I got off at 7pm, I had to stop by Subway to bring home some Eat Fresh for dinner. Upon arrival at home, circa 7:30, The Lovely Steph Leann was busy as a bee putting up Christmas ornaments into their proper boxes (this is a daunting task that I usually do every year, but this year she's assisting). I sat down, put the Eat Fresh sandwiches off to the side, fired up the laptop and pulled up a blank blogpage.
"Can you call Disney and find out rates for our March trip?" The Lovely Steph Leann asked. I sighed. I stared at the remote, at the Eat Fresh sandwiches, at the computer and sighed again. This was going to take a while.
See, here's the thing... as much as I love my own company, the one I work for and will be a part of for at least the next 3 and 1/2 months, their reservation system for Cast Members is... well, sometimes rather incompetant. Put it this way--most of the time, you call until you get the answer you want, and then you book it then, just like tonight. I've talked to four Cast Members over six phone calls (the first my phone dropped out, and I threw it, and the second, I got transferred in error to the wrong person, who put me on hold for many, many minutes--which means I hung up and threw it. I don't do well being on hold for stupid reasons. Just sayin'). Anyway, I finally called back, and got someone now who is supposed to help me book our final trip before I leave The Happiest Place in the Mall in April.
Just so we are clear, when I discuss a movie that I have seen, I in no way "endorse" the movie, nor do I say "you have to go see this movie right now!" or suggest to you that you won't be offended by anything that is in the movie, whether it bothered me or not. I merely tell you what I thought about the movie, some stuff in the movie, perhaps caution you as to what to expect when you see it...
...I say all that in telling you that Saturday night, I watched Quentin Tarantino's new film, "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children". This is the film that, in the trailers, you see Brad Pitt with this crazy southern accent, telling a line of soldiers that he wants men who will torture and kill Nazis... well, it's "Nah-Zee", and he is demanding 100 Nah-Zee scalps from each man. Smashcut to Hitler slamming a table saying "Nein nein nein nein" over and over, and then the title.
So, here's what I thought the movie was going to be about... a group of Nah-zee hating Jew soldiers who was going into Germany occupied France during WWII to torture and kill Nah-zees. And scalp them. I figured we would see the exploits of this group, as they go from Nah-zee battalion to Nah-zee battalion, torturing and killing, and being a Quentin Tarantino film, I expected plenty of blood and gore.
And then Mikey, Matt Rector and myself watched the film.
Lt. Aldo Raines wants him some men to kill some Nah-zees
You know, I take pride in the fact that I'm pretty good with films. I've seen thousands of movies over the years, and many of them are the same, or at least the same type, and you can kind of predict patterns, kind of see where a movie will go, sometimes have a good clue as to "whodunit" before the blood dries on the ground...
however comma
I have to be honest in saying that this film went in a COMPLETELY different direction than what I was thinking it would. The trailer, which was very cleverly uninforming by Tarantino, tells you nothing of what this movie holds and where its going to go.
The Basterds, as they are called, is a group led by Lt. Aldo Raines, played by Brad Pitt, and he wants to kill Nah-zees.
Sidebar... I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but I marvel at how good of an actor Brad Pitt actually is. Like, he's the perennial Pretty Boy, but his IMDB page is across the board, from comedies to action to action comedies to drama to crap to brilliance, he is truly great. And the scene where Aldo Raines is attempting to converse in Italian is absolutely hysterical.
Aldo Raines recruits a group of soldiers to do just that very thing, but along the way, we also see the story (and backstory) of Shoshanna (a wonderful--and gorgeous--Melanie Laurent), who's entire Jewish family is butchered by infamous Jew Hunter, Col. Hans Landa. Landa is played by Austrian actor Christoph Waltz, and the character is played to unsympathetic perfection. You want to absolutely hate Landa for who he is and what he does, but you almost find yourself liking him just because he is so "I'm just doing the job they asked me to do, and I'm going to do it well" blaise about it. Only the job isn't tiling a bathroom or fixing a transmission, its hunting and killing Jews in France.
I've heard a possible Oscar nomination mentioned with Christoph Waltz, and I would fully support it in this film.
In fact, the story of Shoshanna, and her run-ins with Landa, almost overshadows the parallel story of The Basterds until both stories intersect at the very end of the film. And the end of the film is glorious... Tarantino is not one to follow history by the book, so I'm sure there are a few things that happen in this film (like, the entire film) that really didn't happen in real life--and this is never more true than the last fifteen minutes of the movie.
I will say I am a little disappointed by a few events at the end... after the journey the movie takes you on, you see a character or two do some things that you just wouldn't expect or believe that character would do... its asking us to buy into one personality, then expect us to go along when the other personality rears its head... I know I'm being very, very vague, but I'm trying to be careful as I know there are a few people reading this that will actually see this movie.
(top) Shoshanna flees from Nah-zee execution. (bottom) Then later, she cleans up real nicelike.
And... I know there are a few people reading this that will shake their head that I went to see this movie. Understandably so, as its a Tarantino film, the same guy who did both volumes of "Kill Bill", and the bloody and violent (and magnificent) "Reservoir Dogs" and the language and violence filled "Pulp Fiction"... and yes, this movie displays all the QT charms. Random narration to explain plotlines, big writing on screen to tell you whats what and who's who, and the film is broken up into "Chapters" as it goes back and forth between The Basterds and Shoshanna, and a hilarious turn by Mike Myers as well. It almost makes you forget about "The Love Guru". Almost.
And we musn't forget Diane Kruger, who shows up as actress & spy Bridget von Hammersmark... you might also remember her from both National Treasure movies, the good one and the crappy one. And speaking of crap, she was also in "Troy". Man, that movie sucked.
Honestly, though, there weren't nearly as many blood and gore parts as I expected... now, the blood and gore parts were very bloody and very gory... but they were few and far between. The language was there, but there were more F-Bombs in the first ten minutes of Reservoir Dogs than this entire movie, so its not as bad as you'd think. As a matter of fact, I actually think that, if she could handle the few squeamish parts, The Lovely Steph Leann would actually enjoy this film...
Anyway, I enjoyed it quite a bit. On QT's movie rankings, I'd still ranking Dogs as my favorite, followed closely by "Pulp Fiction"... and then this one. I look forward to watching it again, enjoying all of Tarantino's eccentricities that he dashes throughout his films.
Tonight was fun, as after church, The Lovely Steph Leann and I went down the road to Veteran's Park, right beside Spain Park High School, to check out the Shelby County Tea Party. We knew that Rick & Bubba, local radio idols, were helping to put it on, and Sean Hannity was behind it as well, so we wanted to show our support to the cause. The cause? Less government spending. Less government altogether. I can dig it.
We chanted "U-S-A" along with the rest of the crowd, shouted and cheered at the "People who work should not be over-taxed to support those who don't!" sentiments, and booed at the "Congress thinks that ALL of you are rich, and don't need to keep what you earned!". It was an all around fun evening... until...
We got in the car. The Lovely Steph Leann looked at me, and said, "Did you... uh... rip one?" I said, "No, I didn't." She said, "Are you sure?" and I looked at her increduously, "Dear, I'm pretty sure I'd know if I had gas. I don't."
We drove around the parking lot for a few minutes, working our way through the line, and again she said, "Are you sure? Did you just pooty that time?" All women have their own special terms, knowing that "fart" is kind of a crude word. "Pooty" happens to be the term of choice for The Lovely Steph Leann. "No, I didn't. You certainly are gastronomically accusational tonight, aren't you?"
Finally, a third time, she asked me, and by this time I was smelling something gawd-awful... and I reached up, flipped on the lights and it was there we discovered that The Lovely Steph Leann had apparently stepped into a fresh pile of pet poopy. And it was terrible. She started (understandably) complaining, and I handed her some napkins... keep in mind she had not changed clothes from work, so she still had on her nice leather slip-ons
I pulled off into a subdivision down the road a bit, laughing out loud by now, as she stepped out, wiping all that she could off with the napkins, getting it on her hands. I'm holding my nose because its so terrible, and still laughing, and finally she looks up and said, "David. I really need you to NOT laugh right now. Really." That was my cue, and though it took biting my lip, I held the laughter to nil.
The poo in question apparently was over most of the bottom of her shoe, as well as on the side of her shoe, in the little leather creases and stitching. I luckily found a plastic bag in the backseat to toss all the napkins in, but all the way home she sat, one shoe on, one shoe with a napkin wrapped around it, hands on knees, open palms up. It was dark, so I thankfully could not see her hands, but it did smell.
The Lovely Steph Leann has now spent the last 30 minutes wiping her shoes down, scrubbing poopy off of the sides, trying to wash her hands and like a good hubby, I sit, wait for her to finish so we can start Idol and will get up and help when I'm call upon. __________________________________
RESULTS...
The Lovely Steph Leann just sat down, looked at me and simply said four words... "That was so disgusting."
THIS IS
AMERICAN IDOL!!!!
Tonight, Miley Cyrus will no doubt perform "The Climb", a song that I have now heard about 73 times in the last week or so, as its on the big screen at The Happiest Place in the Mall every day, all day.
Seacrest reminds us that the judges--Randy the Dawg, Kara the New Hotness, Paula the Flake and Simon the Cowell--still have the Lambert/Gokey Memorial Save left, allowing them to overturn the people's vote.
And early in the show, they sneak in that Ford commercial! We already saw it! Those sneaky Idol devils... but they won't pull one over on us for this group song, this time from "Flashdance", its Michael Sambello's "Maniac", a song that should not be performed unless someone is wearing leg warmers. No one under 30 will get that joke.
We do see the Idols going to the premiere of "17 Again", a movie that I think will be pretty funny.
But, let's dim the lights. My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta stands... could she be in the bottom three, headed to the Silver Stools of Failure, or will she stay seated on the Couch of Safety? After the nationwide vote... My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta stays My Next American Idol!
The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert stands! And flames! And sits down again!
Look! Its The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert! No, I'm serious. This is really him... doing his drag queen thing. Oh, you should see the ones I didn't save and post. Just try googling "Adam Lambert" and "Drag". Cindy Jo, this is for you.
Five Idols left, three Bottom Three spots left. I'm guessing Anoop Dawg, Lil Rounds and Matty G, and Lil Rounds goes and sits down again--and after two straight weeks in the Bottom Three, he makes it a third week in a row.
Before we find out who joins The Eyebrowed One, we get to see Jennifer Hudson perform a little. I often wonder if Fantasia looks at her and throws things at the screen, thinking that should be her. Or if Kimberly Locke looks at Jennifer Hudson, and wonders why she didn't get those breaks.
Normally I would fast forward, but The Lovely Steph Leann has requested to watch. And after the... well, crappy... night she's had, I'll oblige. By the way, Jenn Hudson sounds great.
Seacrest heads over to the Couch of Safety, asking Kris Allen to stand. Lil Rounds stands up beside him. Simon the Cowell tosses in, "Kris, I didn't get to speak last night, but I thought you were brilliant." Kris Allen sits down on the Couch of Safety, Lil Rounds heads to the Silver Stools of Failure. Which means Matty G cannot feel good sitting next to The Widower Danny Gokey.
The Goke is wearing one of his "Ticket to the Gun Show" kind of shirts, as in, tight on the arms. Matty G is in the Bottom Three, and we all knew this, despite Seacrest's attempts to throw us off with the verbage. Kara the New Hotness agrees that this is the right group, Paula the Abdul agrees.
Seacrest does the "goes back to the Couch of Safety" routine, picking Anoop Dawg to go back. Fast forward through commercials, and here's Miley Cyrus! And the >> button on the remote, there goes Miley Cyrus! Seacrest asks Simon the Cowell about who they'd save, and Simon the Cowell responds that there is one they might save... and it might be a surprise... hmmm..
Dim the lights! After the nationwide vote of over 36,000,000, Matty G and Lil Rounds stand... and Lil Rounds is safe. (The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Crap" under her breath). This leaves Matty G singing for his life.
The judges confer as Matty G sings... they only have 2 more weeks to use this blasted save thing, which is not going to be used on The Ambiguously Gay Adam or The Widower Danny Gokey, because neither will be in the Bottom Three. As Matty G sings the song, Kara the New Hotness and Paula the Flake sway and sing along.
The crowd is chanting "Save! Save! Save!" and rightfully so, cause Matty G did much, much better than last night. Simon the Cowell disagrees, saying that he doesn't think that Matty G has a shot at winning the competition. That being said... Matty G gets the Save!
The Idols rush out, giving Matty G huge props and hugs, but Simon the Cowell breaks the news... next week, 2 people go home. And its Disco Week.
To that, The Lovely Steph Leann looks up from her blankie and says, "Why do we even have Disco Week? What is the purpose? I don't even think Simon likes it!"
And that's your Idol. Samson blog coming later tonight/early morning.
__________________________________
PERFORMANCES...
Another week, another Idol... its the Top Seven, now that Scott the Blind Vampire is gone. Tonight's theme is Music from the Movies, and tonight's guest? Quentin Tarantino. He did this once before, several years back (I'm sure I could look it up, but I'll find it later) and he did a pretty good job--he wasn't a push over and seemed to be pretty honest.
In any case...
THIS IS
AMERICAN
IDOL!!!
Tarantino is known for his musical selections in his films, with my favorite song from my favorite QT movie being The George Baker Selection's "Little Green Bag", probably in my Top 10 or Top 15 songs of all time.
THE FIRST TEN SECONDS OF THIS VIDEO IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK. EMMY TURNBOW IS NOT ALLOWED TO PRESS PLAY...
This is the brilliant opening to "Reservoir Dogs", a film in The Dave100. It truly is a cool, cool scene, one that we recreated some years later, taking some photographs for the cover of our first Deuce CD.
Our judges... Randy the Dawg, Kara the New Hotness, Paula the Flake and Simon the Cowell all sit, ready to strike fear into opinions. Ryan the Seacrest is discussing the show that over ran the clock last week, messing up the start of "Fringe" for Wendi Deckermiller and others, and causing the judges to not be able to love-fest on The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert.
My favorite Tarantino films, top to bottom... Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, Death Proof, Kill Bill Volume 2, Jackie Brown... and I'm pretty pumped for his new film, Inglourious Basterds. And QT is assisting the Idols with their song choice... whats great about this is that he doesn't sing, he just knows what sounds good and what doesn't. And he's admittedly an avid Idol fan.
This is the cover of A Very Deuce Soundtrack, one of three CDs we put out during the Deuce days of 2000 through 2004. We call it "Reservoir Christians". From left to right, Yours Truly, Mikey Nipp, Justin Glenn, Shawn Sharp, Wookiee, Tom Johnson, Daniel Powell. Imagine "Little Green Bag" as we walk. We rocked.
My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta is going to do something that might be hard to do... make "I Don't Want to Hear a Thing" (from "Armageddon", by Aerosmith) a song that I enjoy. Cause really, it was Aerosmith's first number 1 single, which is a shame, because "Sweet Emotion" is one of the best driving songs in the history of the world. Along with "La Grange" and "Everything Zen" by ZZ Top and Bush, respectively.
Anyway... My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta is doing the song justice, as well as can be expected for this particular song. Really, though, towards the end it kinda falls apart, which is too bad.
Paula the Flak tells her she's authentic. Simon the Cowell calls her the only hope for the girls. I agree! That's why she's my next American Idol! Simon the Cowell says that she might go all the way to the end. Randy the Dawg and Kara the New Hotness don't talk, as part of a "taking turns, two at a time talking" deal in order to save time.
We're told that Anoop Dawg is going to sing "Everything I Do (I do it for you)" by Bryan Adams, from "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves", a movie probably in The Lovely Steph Leann25. Seriously... that movie is good. Its kitchy, its cheesy, its a little hammy... but its still awesome. Morgan Freeman is great, Alan Rickman is fantastic, and for a time, Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio was the hottest thing in the world, at least in my eyes. This movie, plus "The Abyss" (a movie in The Dave20), she was a knockout.
One of The Lovely Steph Leann's favorite parts in all of moviedom is where Maid Marian looks out, sees Robin Hood, and does that crazy loud "RRRROOOOOBBBBBIIIINNN!!!!!!" scream. She could watch that over and over. And has.
So Anoop Dawg is doing the Bryan Adams song... its not bad, actually. Honestly, though, a few weeks back he broke through doing the ballad, and he's done nothing but ballads since then. Might be time for him to go a little faster.
Randy the Dawg says The Eyebrowed One did a great job, while Kara the New Hotness says that Anoop adds soul to the pop song, and it was one of his best vocals so far. Heck, what do I know?
Now comes time for The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert to do to Steppenwolf what he did to Johnny Cash. Throw a classic song on the ground, kick it with a platform shoe, then spear it with a gay triangle. "Born to Be Wild" is from "Easy Rider", the road film starring Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper, a film that I've only seen once and can only be described from me as "interesting". I can see how it can be considered a classic, especially for the time period (1969), but I can also understand how it can be considered overrated and silly.
So, The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert... you know, it wouldn't be bad if he just wouldn't do that Ambiguously Gay Scream. Or maybe if he didn't sing at all, it wouldn't be bad either. His screeching reminds me of when Axl Rose does the screeching at the end of "Paradise City" or "Welcome to the Jungle", only without the coolness.
Paula the Flake loves him. Simon the Cowell says vocally it was incredible, but visually it was like watching "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". I agree!
Matty G is up with another Bryan Adams song, this one from "Don Juan DeMarco", starring Johnny Depp. The song is "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?", a song that isn't one of my favorite Bryan Adams songs. You wouldn't know it by the soft stuff he did in the mid-90s (dear goodness, don't get me started on that stupid "All for Love" song he did with Sting and Rod Stewart.. one of the worst songs I've ever heard in my entire life),but truly, in the 80s, he rocked out... "Run to You", "Heaven", even in the 90s, with "Can't Stop the Thing We Started" from the "Waking Up the Neighbours" album (a great CD, by the way).
Never seen the movie.
Matty G is pretty good behind that piano. Still, Randy the Dawg didn't like it as much, while Kara the New Hotness didn't like the song choice.
The love of my friend Cindy Jo is up next, that being The Widower Danny Gokey. The Gokerino has picked up a guitar and is learning it, hoping to be ready for the Idol tour. He's choosing "Endless Love" by Lionel Richie & Diana Ross, though I'm guessing The Goke will be doing Lionel Richie's version, from the 1981 movie of the same name.
Have you ever seen this movie? Its ridiculous. Seriously ridiculous. Brooke Shields is in her young movie phase, looking all 80s fine and all, but her character's name is Jade Butterfield. How can you expect me to take any movie seriously with a main ingenue named Jade Butterfield? It's not, however, quite a ridiculous as "The Blue Lagoon".
Paula the Flake loved it. Simon the Cowell didn't like the song as much. There was a harp involved tonight, and is disappointed that The Goke didn't do alot with it. He compared him to when Cook took "Hello" last week and rocked it out. Somewhere, somehow, Cindy Jo is squealing like a little girl in the playground.
Kris Allen is singing the song "Falling Slowly" from the movie "Once". The only reason I know anything about this song is that it won the Academy Award for best song in 2008, beating out 2 songs from the far superior "Enchanted", and yes, I only say that because I'm in love with Amy Adams. So there.
What? Did someone call for a picture of Amy Adams? Who am I to disagree?
So hundreds of thousands of movies out there, thousands and thousands of viable movie songs and we get "Falling Slowly", "Endless Love" and two different Bryan Adams songs? Really?
That being said... Kris Allen is awesome. Like, really awesome. Dude has come on strong and if My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta falls, he might be My Next American Idol In Waiting.
Randy the Dawg didn't care for it that much, calling it pitchy. Kara the New Hotness thought it was one of Kris Allen's best moments. I agree!
I think I just heard Seacrest say that Lil Rounds was doing "The Rose". Really? Talk about a boring, overdone song. She has the ENTIRE BODYGUARD SOUNDTRACK TO BLOW THROUGH and she picks a Bette Midler song from a Bette Midler movie that no one ever thinks about or remembers they've seen unless its brought up in conversation via a show like American Idol.
Heck, Lil Rounds, pick something from "Woo" or "B.A.P.S." or something by Tyler Perry. But "The Rose"? Sigh.
She does put a slight gospel feel to it, which for me, saves the entire performance, but still... she's got a great voice, she can sing, we all know this, but give me some soul! Give me some funk! Show off that blackness, which means you can do stuff that most of 'em can't do! Come on' sista!
Paula the Flake loved it. Simon the Cowell says that the song was soft and safe and that she isn't the artist that they met in auditions. I agree!
So my favorites of the night... Kris Allen, My Next American Idol Allison Iraheta, Anoop Dawg, Lil Rounds, The Widower Danny Gokey, Matty G, the sounds of the bad gas I had the other night after eating mexican food, and finally, The Ambiguously Gay Adam Lambert
