What a glorious day here at The Cabana. Its my day off, so I was able to sleep until around 10ish this morning, after staying up until 1am watching almost 3 hours of American Idol and another hour of Survivor: Redemption Island, and sometimes when you sleep late, and you do that groggy, wobbly stumble to the toilet for your morning relief, then that shower that comes after is just wonderful. Got out, had me a quick lunch, then set about the task of finishing the laundry that had been piled up for five days now... well, heck, we were gone for twelve days, so everything we owned was dirty.
Now, I'm just sitting on the couch, chilling out, relaxing all cool, you know, shooting some b'ball outside of the school... okay, thats not true. Thats too much excercise. It is a beautiful day outside, and some may criticize me for not being in it... but what would I do? Run? Go stand on the corner, inhale the fresh Birmingham/Hoover air and mutter out loud, "Wow, what a pretty day!"? Nah, I just like it here in The Cabana, all the windows open, the bright sunshine pouring in, and a bad Steven Seagal movie playing on the TV, on a channel with no HD, making it fuzzy, which probably makes it more enjoyable.
I guess "Bad Steven Seagal Movie" is itself an oxymoron.
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So, The Rock, who I have a total mancrush on, is back in the WWE. It was a glorious return on this past Monday Night Raw, and I watched the twenty minutes or so he was on about three times. He was in fine form, shouting out things like, "Layeth the smacketh down on your candy a#(@*" and "Know your role and shut your mouth!" and "All you jabronis..." It made me giggle. He rules. He... well, Rocks.
And of course, the big news is, he'll be "hosting" Wrestlemania XXVII, this time in Atlanta, Georgia, on April 2nd. Myself and my best mate Wookiee had been discussing going anyway, and we were tossing back and forth about a third like Danny Ocean talking to Rusty in "Ocean's Eleven"... "We need one more? You think we need one more? Okay, we'll get one more..."
So enter Big Tom Johnson, another former Deucemate. The discussion of whether we go to Wrestlemania XXVII shifted to overdrive when I found out that The Rock will be there, and a major part of it. Toss in the possibility that Kevin "Diesel"/"Big Daddy Kool" Nash may be there, as well as Booker T, and even the outside shot that WCW'er Sting might show up--highly unlikely, but then again, so was The Rock's return to regular WWE appearances... anyway, add all that in, and the discussion went from "are we going?" to "how fast can we get tickets?"
A visit to StubHub (stuuuuubhub!) today got us some tickets. Granted, we are in the upper upper deck, and granted we'll be about 10 rows from the top of the Georgia Dome, and granted everyone, Diesel, The Rock and The Big Show included, will look about an inch tall from our seats, but WE WILL BE AT WRESTLEMANIA. If you could get Super Bowl tickets, you'd take 'em, no matter where you were sitting. And at about $67 bucks a pop, you just want to say you were there. April 2nd, we will be. I rule.
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Speaking of The Rock, I just, in the middle of writing this blog post, left The Cabana, drove over to the ghetto and paid a buck at the dollar theater to see The Rock's latest film, "Faster". To say that "Faster" is a bad film is understating the words "Bad Film". This movie is flat out terrible.
The Rock plays a character only known as Driver, and that's not his name, that's apparently his role in a bank heist that ended up putting him in prison for ten years. He and his brother Gary were set up, Gary was murdered, and The Rock, er, Driver, is out to avenge his brother's murder, one by one. That's really all you need to know, because the plot doesn't get much deeper than that.
This picture in the corner of the screen would have been better viewing the actual movie. Just sayin'.
Oh, well there is some nonsense about a double cross, and a plot twist that I saw coming about thirty minutes into the film, there's Mr. Eko from LOST, there's Carla Gugino looking extremely Carla Guginoey, there's Billy Bob Thornton mailing it in and wearing a horrible hairpiece, and finally, I'd like to put forth a theory that any movie can be made better by inserting Maggie Grace in there somewhere. She's in this film, and thought I'm not sure why, it helped the scenery a hundred percent.
Matter of fact, I think that if you know your film is going to be a piece of crap--and I assure you that somewhere in production, the producers looked at each other and said something like "Wow, The Rock or no The Rock, this movie is going blow chunks"--you as a filmmaker have a responsiblity, NAY, a duty to the moviegoing public, at least the male ticket buyers, to just put a pic of Maggie Grace in her LOST bikini in the corner and leave it there, so we'll have something to occupy our time while the horrible film goes on.
Let's be real here. I only saw this because as a guy with a mancrush on The Rock, I try and support his films. Take out The Rock and insert Jason Statham or Vin Diesel, and I save my money. However, I can say that I have no problem giving The Rock my buck. Cause, The Rock rocks.
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One thing I have to keep reminding myself is... this blog is taking off. Seriously. Randomly, I look over and another person has become a "follower", or has left a comment making me say, "Who the heck is this?" Anyway, got some propz from a reader named Nutsy--no knowledge as to whether thats a cute nickname her hubby gave her or a statement on her mental awareness--who looks like she's from the Northeast. She added me to her own blogroll, so I felt compelled to do the same... her website is called "Miss Gracie: New Adventures on an Old Boat", and its worth a look. She seems to be like me... she just writes whatever strikes her fancy, and hopes that someone finds it worth a look.
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Wanted to mention another site too, started by a friend of mine, Scotty Latta and a buddy of his... its called "Joust", and its a brilliant idea, really. The tagline is "Pick Your Battles", and essentially, it lets you compete against other people in contests ranging from sports games to The Bachelor. I personally don't watch the latter, but I am already signed up for American Idol's league, which will come into play when the Top 24 is revealed. There is no money involved, there's very little gambling terminology tossed around (parlays and over/unders and such), its just picking your battles. Find it Joust at JoustNow dot com, or just click here.
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I'm flipping channels and stumbling upon a gem. "School Ties". Have you ever actually seen this movie? Its from 1992, and stars Brendan Fraser as David Greene, a teenager in 1955 Pennsylvania, who gets a scholarship to a hoity toity prep school in Massachusetts, St. Matthews. Problem is, David Greene is Jewish, and St. Matthews is Protestant, so the whole film is all about prejudice and stereotypes...
Here's Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Chris O'Donnell, along with Randall Batinkoff, who went from starring in this hit to... nothing.
So David Greene is on the football team, the star QB, the reason he was brought to the school, and everyone is cool with him, he becomes popular, gets him a chick on the swim team (Amy Locane, before the vehicular manslaughter) at a nearby chick prep school, and it seems like everything is awesome... until his secret is discovered. Then everyone turns on him, including implicating him in a big cheating scandal.
Appearing in this film are young versions of Ben Affleck(playing a guy named Chesty!) and Chris O'Donnell(before Robin) and Anthony Rapp(before "Rent") and Matt Damon (before anything), and its so bad its awesome. Not sure why they decided a shower fight scene between Fraser and Damon was a good idea (its PG-13, don't worry) but it just adds to the ridiculousness of "School Ties".
If you come across this film close to the beginning, watch it, enjoy it and dig it. Didn't even need Maggie Grace in the corner (course she was nine at the time...ew...) but toss The Rock in there and you go from ridiculously awesome to ridiculously awesomer.
I'm a happy man. The weather has been beautiful, my wife The Lovely Steph Leann is beautiful, I'm sitting in my comfy leather chair and on the screen is college football. Troy wasn't on the television--and if they were I didn't find them--and its okay I didn't see them, because apparently they got blasted by Bowling Green 31-14... I came in from an informal Bible study meeting with Jillip at Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) and turned on the tv to see the latter part of South Carolina and NC State, which was won by the Gamecocks, alma mater of DeNick.
Now? Its Boise State and Oregon, and currently, the Broncos lead 10-0 on the Smurf Turf.
THE GO GATORS SCARY RANKING That scares the be-williez out of me too. Do you know how many teams ranked #1 at the beginning of the season went wire-to-wire and won the title? Four. USC most recently did it in 2004.
The Go Gators were ranked #1 by the widest margin in history, with something like 48,000 votes, while Texas, #2, got what, 0.0005 or something? And that frightens me. This means that there is a good chance the Go Gators will get knocked off. My guess is the October 10th game versus LSU, at LSU, would be the most likely candidate. Hopefully, if they lose, that would the game so they'd have time to rebound and get back to the BCS Championship Game on January 7th.
They are bringing back, like, EVERYONE pretty much, so if they do repeat, it won't be a shock. However, its almost a "too good to be true".
Here's essentially why it scares me... remember the Georgia Bulldogs? They were a heavily hyped #1 in August of 2008. And they finished 13th at 10-3.
This Saturday, they are favored by 73... thats SEVENTY THREE over Charleston Southern. I would feel bad for Chuck South except for the fact they are getting something like $450K for the game, so bring it on.
THINGS I BELIEVE ABOUT TIM TEBOW First, if Florida beats Ole Miss in 2008, instead of being stunned 31-30, then the Go Gators run the table all the way up to the SEC Championship game, where they get beaten by Alabama by 6. It was that loss to the Rebels that let the Go Gators know, "Hey, Tebow... you aren't invincible." And they go on to win the championship.
Next, if Tim Tebow goes to Alabama, Mike Shula stays the coach for another year or two. They finished 6-6 in 2006, after Tebow goes to Florida (and helps Chris Leak lead the team to the national title). If Tebow comes to Bama, I think the Tide finishes 8-4, maybe 9-3... they still lose the big games, but perhaps beat Arkansas, Mississippi State and possibly Tennessee.
That would be enough to keep Shula employed by the University of Alabama. Nick Saban, unhappy, still leaves Miami Dolphins and goes elsewhere... Notre Dame? Who knows?... but the Tide get someone else, perhaps not as good as Saban, and with Tebow, they continually win 9, 10, maybe 11 games per year--but no national title. Just my theory.
And finally, something someone else believes about Tim Tebow... my buddy Ryan Sherman said it best, spoken like a diehard Tide fan... "You know, I think Tim Tebow is a great guy. Man, you can't hate him, he's a solid guy, a solid Christ Follower, and I think its awesome he wants to do mission work with his life after football. But, you know, I hope in the first game he breaks his leg. Then he can get to mission work faster."
TROY BEING TROY Ah, the faithful sounds of the T-R (whoop whoop) O-J (whoop whoop) AAAAAA EEENNNN EEESSSS (wooooo!) Trojans football. And tonight, they get blasted by Bowling Green. And next week, they play the Go Gators. People ask me who I root for, and I say, "Troy", mostly because I know there is more of a chance of He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected saying, "I want to give you all some tax cuts" than the Trojans beating the Gators.
MY FANTASY So, I'm in a Fantasy Football League for the first time. Matta Latta invited me, and I joined up with The Official Clouds in My Coffee Ombudsman Brad Latta, Mikey, Scotty Latta, Drewski Morris and a few others, and we had our draft this past Sunday night.
My team, Manilow's Revenge, is QB'd by Tom Brady, so my season rests on his knees. I've also got DeAngelo Williams at RB, Brandon Marshall as a WR and Jason Elam as my kicker. And... I drafted Mike Vick as a backup QB. Yes, yes, he's not available until Week 3, but still, I think when McNabb goes down (and he will), Vick will come out and be great again. He's got nothing to lose.
How can I like Vick? I don't, necessarily. I thought when we with the Falcons, he was kind of a pud, but he was an amazing athlete. And no, I don't condone what he did. His dog fighting was horrific, and the things he did with those dogs is horrific... but he served his time. Whether I feel it was punishment enough (which I do) isn't the point... the point is, not only did he do his jail time, he's been crucified and hated in the public, and his career is very close to being as ruined as his reputation.
Besides... Plaxico Burress is spending what, a year or more in jail for shooting himself in the leg, something stupid he did to himself... but Donte Stallworth gets drunk, kills someone while driving and only gets 24 days? Don't tell me Vick didn't serve long enough.
RELAXATION, CORONA STYLE I don't drink. But if I did, I'd want to drink Corona, but only if I'm sitting on a beach, next to The Lovely Steph Leann, in a lounge deck chair on a beach with a cool breeze blowing, small table between us with two long neck bottles filled with cool refreshment, topped with two perfectly sliced pieces of lime.
They make drinking seem nicer than Bud Light, Miller Lite, that German green bottled beer I can't spell and Pabst Blue Ribbon ever do.
This would be typical of The Lovely Steph Leann and I... if we were drinkers
Though Samuel Adams looks like a cool beer to drink. It looks like a beer that me, as a cultured intellectual would drink.
But I don't drink.
d$'s PREDICTIONS The current AP Top 10 is as follows: 1) The Go Gators... 2) Texas... 3) Oklahoma... 4) USC... 5) Alabama... 6) Ohio State... 7) Virginia Tech... 8) Ole Miss... 9) Oklahoma State... 10) Penn State
Here's how yours truly, d$, predict the season will play out. The final AP top ten will be: 1) Texas (I predict they win the national title) 2) Penn State (I predict Texas blasts Penn State something like 54-10 in the BCS title game) 3) Florida 4) USC 5) Ohio State 6) Boise State 7) TCU 8) Alabama 9) Oklahoma 10) Georgia
Mark it down. Bet on it. I can see the future. Look at this post on January 8th and you'll see for yourself.
THE SMURF TURF (and colleen's song) REIGNS I've been blogging all along during the game, chatting with The Lovely Steph Leann about who wants to go with us to The Happiest Place on Earth (can you believe we're actually having a little trouble filling that spot?), and doing some random surfing on the interweb.
Tomorrow night, we hang out with Croyle and his wife Britlicious, and new friends Phil & Colleen. Went into Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) Middle School Ministry...
...okay, so "middle school" is the new norm? what was wrong with "junior high"? nothing! junior high ministry works just as well, perhaps better than middle school ministry. whoever changed that is probably responsible for dropping "junior college" from most junior colleges and turning them into "community college". you don't call junior varsity teams "middle varsity" or "community varsity", do you? not yet, anyway.
...and Colleen sang a song that she wrote. It was amazing. With apologies to Factor 7, I've only got one song written and sung by a friend that has anywhere over 2 plays on my iPod, and that's Joel Blount's song "Sunday Afternoon", which currently is in my Top 100 songs (11 plays). If I had Colleen's song, and I don't even know the title, on my iPod, it would rival it, easily. It was that good.
Because I just feel like I've blogged about nothing other than American Idol and 2008's Coolest Stuff, I thought I'd leave you a real blog this time around... when I say "leave you", I mean that on Friday, I'm taking The Lovely Steph Leann to The Happiest Place on Earth for an 8 day adventure...
If you are wanting Wednesday night's Idol in Hollyweird, then scroll down to the same post as Tuesday night, where I continue the fun. If you missed the Super Bowl, the running diary blog is here.
So I figure I'd send some random thoughts your way...
The Super Bowl was A Number 1 awesome. I mean, it was just incredible... one of the best Super Bowls I've ever seen--much better than last year, by the way, only because last year was so disappointing. I really wanted the Patriots to win the game, not only because I wanted to see an undefeated season in my lifetime, but also because they truly were the better team--just not that one night.
The Steelers should have won the game, but Arizona made them earn it. Yes, I think that last play might have been an incomplete pass and not a fumble, but at the same time, the Cardinals made some really stupid penalties that cost them mucho. Anyway, excellent game.
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Random Kellie Pickler music video. Its from her second CD, "Kellie Pickler", which I have listened to several times in the last few weeks, and really like.
I love me some Pickles. Totally Ashley Judd Club.
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Made mention of my friend Erin the Marine Wife, and she finally has her website up and running. Its called "Many Kind Regards", and I wanted to give her a plug for it. Go check it out, her perspective from the military family side, especially with a husband who's frequently at war, is great. I'll be adding the link on "d$'s Recommended Blogs" on the right side, so you can check it out.
Another chick I ran into at The Happiest Place in the Mall a week or so ago, Melissa Hall, has a blog which makes me smile. Its kinda random, and amusing too. I knew her as Melissa Hogue, this funky, feisty chick who had this attitude and this "ain't no man gonna bring me down" air about her... well, she went and got herself a man who didn't bring her down, kept the feist and had a baby, Anna Charlotte, who is just about the cutest thing I ever did see. Seriously. Love me some Melissa Hogue.
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So, Libby Lu closed.
Libby Lu was across the hall from The Happiest Place in the Mall, and while I appreciated the niche they provided, I have to be honest. They were obnoxious.
I had only been in the store once, when I was spending the afternoon with my niece Madeleine. She drug me in there, and I kinda hung back while she toured the racks of lip gloss, High School Musical make up, Hannah Montana hair extensions, way too tight clothes and such. I dared not go in there by myself for any reason, lest I be greeted by Dateline's Chris Hansen, asking me to have a seat on the makeup stool, and inquiring what I was doing here, while holding pages of text transcripts in his hand.
From an article in The Washington Post, columnist Stacy Garfinkle writes: The problem was that the club's version of dress-up involved hooking girls as young as 3 on glittery tube tops, tight pants, boas, nail polish, lip gloss, tiaras and runway modeling. Princesses and pop stars -- hence sex -- were in. So, dress-up was cool and fun, if it was sexy. No pilots or doctors or astronauts or firefighters to dress as in this place.
I learned all about The Lu, though, when I joined The Happiest Place in the Mall... they liked to play "The Cha Cha Slide" alot. A lot. A whole, whole lot. Like every few hours, I was treated to "two steps this time... two steps this time... now slide to the front... now slide to the back... now Criss-Cross! Criss Cross!" and they played it really, really loud--to the point that we could hear it across the mall's hall and all the way in the back of our own store, drowning out our videos of whatever live action talking animal disaster was making its way to theaters soon.
Shutting their doors
But, last week, Libby Lu had its final Cha Cha. They got to the point where they were just selling stuff for a buck... bracelets, trinkets, doo-dads, crap, whatever... and by mid-afternoon, I guess they were out of stuff to sell, because they pulled the gates down. The employees started slowly trickling into the empty store, and after a while, they were throwing one last party. I saw cake being brought out, they did some sort of team huddle, there were tears and then, finally, wouldn't you know it, they did that freakin' "Cha Cha Slide" one last time, and they did it loud.
The song is like, six minutes long, but finally, it ended. The Libby Chicks opened the gate, one by one drifted away, the gate was pulled down, and darkness set upon the Tween Paradise. "To Catch a Predator" finally pulled its cameras up, and they left too. Libby Lu was gone.
Bye.
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You'll never guess who sent me a comment on my blog post on Facebook? None other than Jennifer Herndon. Yes, the one from "Pretty in a Jennifer Herndon sort of way" fame. She told me she enjoys reading what she's read so far, and might dive into the blog. Glad to see you here, Jennifer. Enjoy.
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President B. Hussein Obama's stimulus package is a terrible, terrible plan. Absolutely terrible.
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Here's a funny link to a list of 18 really bad music CD and movie DVD packaging gimmicks... I have #8 and #11, and agree, and totally have over 150 of #12
I will warn you that there is some language in the article.
Forty is a good age. Some of the hottest chicks I know are over 30, and many of them are 40 or older. Which means The Lovely Steph Leann is only going to get better with age. Like Lorelei Gilmore has.
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A great little bit on how the old Soundwave is much better than the new Soundwave. Check out the Super Bowl diary for the new Transformers preview.
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We watched "Slumdog Millionaire" this past weekend... ya know, I was actually pleased with it. My initial reaction right after the film was "it was pretty good", but as the days have gone by, I can say that "Slumdog" is a very good film.
Its hard to have an immediate reaction sometimes to a movie, though The Lovely Steph Leann usually will say as the credits are rolling "What did you think?" about any movie, and if I don't instantly say something positive, she thinks I'm stalling because I didn't like it.
"Slumdog" has a simple premise, for those of you who don't really know much about it... I knew about the guy who was on the Indian version of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire", but to give you a little more detail without spoiling it for you, the main guy, Jamal, has been arrested at the beginning of the movie, because the authorities feel like a guy from the slums cannot possibly know all the information he knows.
The police play back the video of the show, question by question, and Jamal tells the story of each question, giving us a flashback into his life of how he found out the answers to these questions. Now, for whatever reason, I thought it was more of a comedy, but it is not at all. Its got some funny moments, but it definately falls into the drama catagory... and its a good film.
That being said, I don't want it to win Best Picture.
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Alright, another blog ramble comes to a close, as my eyelids will come to a close in a few. This will probably be the last blog before we head to The Happiest Place on Earth, and hopefully, I will be able to post and blog at least once from there. We're staying at Pop Century, which doesn't have free interweb, though we'll pay for it just to check email and stuff, and upload pics into Facebook.
Before I go...
A pic for The Lovely Steph Leann...
I only post that for equal time, as I was planning on posting my own random The Goddess pic...
Cause there's never a bad time for a The Goddess pic...
70. Four Christmases "I'll tell you what movie I couldn't believe was only PG-13 and not Rated R!" Cindy Warner proclaimed at our latest KidStuf practice. "What, Role Models?" I asked, thinking how in the world Cindy Warner would be caught that that film, then remembering it was actually Rated R. "No!" she exclaimed. "Four Christmases!!" Hannah Pruitt, the coolest person I know, leaned over and said, "Whatever. I loved it." Then we high fived.
Its a contrived plot that relys on the strength of its leads and Vince Vaughn definately does his end of the job. He's one of the funniest guys out there.
Reese Witherspoon is one of those actresses that I keep forgetting 1) how talented she is, and 2) how hot she is. She shouldn't be hot, either, she's got this weird goofy grin thing going on, along the same lines that has made me never find Julia Roberts attractive... and yet, somehow she is.
Reese is funny in this movie. She's been funnier, though, as seen in "Election", one of the most wickedly funny movies ever, and even "Sweet Home Alabama". Avoid anything that has a number after "Legally Blonde", though.Anyway, they play a couple who, since both comes from divorced homes, somehow avoid visiting the four different families they'd have to see on Christmas Day. Through a pretty clever set of circumstances, however, they are forced to do just that very thing... the parents are great, played by Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek, Jon Voight and Mary Steenbergen, all four Oscar winners. Dwight Yoakam also has one heck of a funny cameo too (I didn't even spot him at first).
And Jon Favreau is at his stupid best--anytime the words "Dry Humping" and "screensaver" can me included in the same dialogue, it makes for high comedy.
70A. Reese Witherspoon Granted, one funny, good movie does not an appearance on the 100 Coolest Things necessarily warrant.
Let's welcome Reese Witherspoon, this year's inductee into The Ashley Judd Club. Reese, you can have a seat over there next to Kate Winslet and Debra Messing.
I wrote about three Reese movies to check out, naming "Election", "Man in the Moon" and "Walk the Line". Since we're on the subject, I wanted to give you a couple more Reese movies to check out:
"Pleasantville"... a flick that was in serious contention for The Dave100 (that being my 100 favorite films of all time). She's charming, she's funny, she's hot and its also worth a look at a young Toby Maguire and former That-Guy William H. Macy, and late That Guy Hall of Famer JT Walsh (in his final film) "Sweet Home Alabama"... I debated on this for a while, trying to decide whether to recommend this film or the equally cheesy "Legally Blonde". After some careful decision (re: deciding which I'd watch if they were the only two movies on television), I chose this one. Its just fun, plus a bonus for The Lovely Steph Leann, it stars Colin Firth Club member Patrick Dempsey. "American Psycho/Cruel Intentions"... Honestly... as a Christ Follower, I cannot recommend either of these films. As a movie fan, I can recommend either one of them. Don't watch them. but if you do, Reese is marvelous in both.
69. truTV Oh, talk about a guilty pleasure. For someone who is a fan of "World's Wildest (insert authoritative group here) Chase Videos" and crap like that, this channel is like manna from heaven. Seriously... here's a story I shared last April:
Once, while actually in Panama City, I was about to head out of the hotel room to enjoy the sunshine of a 75 degree day. One of those shows was on, and I ended up sitting down and watching it. Drew Morris came in. He started watching it. Shawn Sharp walked in, and he too was caught. Another guy came in, and was sucked in. So, at the worlds most beautiful beaches, on a nice 75 degree day, when there are scantily clad Christian girls outside in inappropriate bikinis (this was a churchy type retreat, complete with Valdmanis), and there are four guys, watching two hours of "World's Wildest Police Chases".
And those shows? They were on CourTV. Which, as of January 1st, 2008, became truTV. The channel not only shows Cops over and over (still waiting for the Bucky Covington sighting), it boasts progams like "Maui Chopper", "Speeders", "Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock Hotel" and "Carribean Cops", its a cornucopia of videos, stupid criminals, stupid drivers and drunk folks. Plus, its website features "The Dumb Blog", a listing of the dumbest criminals of the week, which tells of this guy:
Wearing a ski mask, Frank Goldshtein politely waited in line for his turn to rob the bank, according to police in Stow, OH. Ten minutes later, the jig was up when Goldshtein crashed his car in a yard and cops recovered the stolen loot, the ski mask and the toy gun he allegedly used to extract the cash from the teller.
Its not reality. Its actuality.
68. The Crap Trap with The Lovely Steph Leann One of the favorite things I love to do is eat, and one of the even more favorite things is to eat at great places with my lovely wife, The Lovely Steph Leann. And one of the best places we've eaten in the last while is The Crab Trap. Located down close to Sandestin, Florida, its this big seafood dive that has lots of shrimp, fish, lobster and of course, crab legs. Lots of crab legs.
And for an hour, that's what we feasted on, splitting a King Crab plate and big dish of some sort of crab dip, with crab, cream cheese, seasoning and chips. Fantastic food. I am still slightly full.
67. I.O. Metro One day, I was at The Happiest Place in the Mall, when who should stop by but Bobowen. He and his wife, The Freckled Becca, were hosting an "open house" across the way at Patton Creek, where he was managing a new store called I.O. Metro. I had no clue what this even was, but heck, Bobowen and The Freckled Becca are good friends and I wanted to support them, so we went.
And it was the neatest thing... I didn't have a clue what I.O. Metro even was, but of course, being the hip chick that The Lovely Steph Leann is, she knew. Its a big furniture store, full of accessories, home items and so forth. That, of course, led to The War of the Table, which wasn't the best night in the world (which, by the way, The War of the Table had its own Appomattix moment when, last week, we actually got a table--that's for later, though) but overall, it was neat to see such a big store, and such a big accomplishment for Bobowen. And The Freckled Becca is just precious.
MERRY CHRISTMAS! Wow! Where does the time go? It’s weird—it seems like only yesterday that I flipped by for my weekly Peabo Bryson fix, and instead of hearing “Tonight I Celebrate My Love,” I heard something else entirely. I checked the calendar, thinking “Surely it isn’t time for ‘I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas’ already,” and sure enough, there it was: September 4, letting me know that you had already switched over to Christmas music and were prepared to pepper my ears with the same eight songs incessantly for the next four months!
I should begin by saying that you’re not likely to find a bigger fan of Christmas (or, incidentally, Peabo Bryson) than me. I start walking around Hobby Lobby in mid-July looking for ornaments and tinsel. And I don’t even use ornaments and tinsel. I just like to walk around the store holding them. I invented the “dirt angel.” I spray myself with aerosol snow. I really love Christmas. So this is my season. This is it for me. And, you know, there are some things that are hard to screw up. Ice cream comes to mind, and sugar cookies and Helen Keller jokes and Pixar movies.
Christmas is one of these things. I could spend Christmas in a Malaysian prison and I’d pretty much enjoy myself. But listening to your radio station—listening to the same eight songs you put on repeat—makes me want to burn my tree. It makes me want to pour out the Salvation Army bucket and bang Santa over the head with it, then pick up all the change and throw it at animals. Every year, my love for Christmas makes me think maybe—maybe—I should give you another try, and every year you ruin Christmas for me.
So, you should know that I hate you. But don’t get me wrong! I don’t necessarily hate Christmas music; I just hate what you do with it. You know what? I want to be in on your production meetings, if you have them. I want to be there when the station manager says the words, “I don’t know, I just really think people want to hear ‘Run, Run Rudolph’ by the Jackson 5,” and I want to throw a dry erase marker at him. Seriously. How much Burl Ives does a person need? My rule is that one Burl Ives song holds me over for 10 years. In the last week, you have played enough Burl Ives to cover not only my life, but the prison sentences for OJ Simpson (33 years), Vinson Filyaw (421 years), and Charles Manson (life, no parole).
Did you know that Bruce Springsteen, Michael Buble and James Taylor have all released Christmas albums? I’m not being sarcastic; I’m seriously telling you because I honestly think you think that Christmas music stopped being recorded around 1971. But it didn’t. That’s the thing; we don’t have to listen to Aaron Neville. Get on iTunes sometime. There is a whole other world out there you need to be listening to.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. Also, as the only radio station in Birmingham that plays non-stop Christmas music, thank you for being a shining example of the precarious dangers of monopoly power and why we should always fight against it.
Actually anticipating the return to Michael Bolton,
Scott
Scotty... this one is for you...
(somehow, Scotty has gotten a dozen mentions these last few weeks. Too bad the Pruitt Award winners have already been decided--Scotty might pick one up next year.)
65. "Nature Girl" by Carl Hiaasen It's not a secret that I am totally anti-manmade global warming, in the sense that I don't believe its manmade (neither does most of the world) but also I'm not a fan of books, movies and shows that end up having a "We Americans are destoying our planet. We suck" theme. See "Still, The Day the Earth Stood" and "Happening, The". Or better yet, don't.
Carl Hiaasen is a native Floridian who has written a ton of books, mostly set in his home state, and many times dealing with enviromental issues. Its a credit to him, though, that he doesn't delve into the "we suck" mentality. He just tells his story, and give somes good "hey, take care of our planet" wisdom and tells a nice story. "Nature Girl" is just such a story.
His characters are goofy--Boyd, a scam artist, Sammy Tigertail, a Seminole who is trying to hide from a dead guy who he didn't kill, and the books ingenue, Honey Santana, a oddball chick who sets out to punish Boyd after he insults her on the phone. Its not a serious book, its almost a ridiculous... well, no, it IS a ridiculous story, but credit Hiaasen on making it enjoyable all the same. If ever there were a novel to define "beach read", this would be it.
64. "Over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole No, I can't pronounce his name. No, I don't know anything about the guy. What I do know, though is this is a great tune. Combining "Over the Rainbow" with The Great Satchmo's classic "What a Wonderful World", its soft, done on the ukelele, and classic.
Of course, what brought it to just about everyone's attention--besides the countless times its been in commercials, movies and TV shows--is earlier in the year when Jason Castro, "The Dreadlocked One", performed it (brilliantly I might add) on American Idol. Over a dozen plays on my iPod this year puts on the list...
I'll be completely honest. When I googled Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, I was not imagining this guy. Apparently, he's a Hawaiian music legend, so much so that when he died in 1997, the Hawaiian state flag flew at half-mast.
63. Troy Over Florida International My best mate Wookiee called me up, telling me of the extra tickets he had for the October 18th bout between the two college football powerhouses, Troy (my alma mater) and Florida Int'l. I said I was in--it fell on a rare Saturday that I was free from The Happiest Place in the Mall. We made some phone calls, seeing who else was interested, and Matt Halpert and J Rob decided they would join us... J Rob them punked out.
So, Wookiee, Matt and myself proceeded down to Troy, Alabama, stopping at Crowe's Chicken along the way for dinner, and then to the game. It was a blast. Troy won 33-23, and it was fun hanging out with Wook-Fu and the incredibly dry-witted Matt, who had never attended many college games--he's an NFL enthusiest from Houston, so all he has are the Texans and Rockets. And Astros, but he doesn't talk much about them.
62. WarGames II: Nuclear Wastelands December 29th, 2008. The warriors came. Tyler. Zack. Danny. Pinkerton. Young Garrett. For a brief time, Papa Ron Campbell. Yours Truly. They chose their armies, we surrounded the battlefield, we rolled the dice. First, it was the mission game. Every five minutes, a country was nuked. Every 300 seconds that went by, another army was destroyed. Danny emerged victorious from the warm-up.
The elder Campbell couldn't handle the pressure. The big game was at hand. The armies moved. The dice rolled. The cards were earned. Now every 20 minutes, a country fell at the hands of the Nuclear Option. Tyler fortified, then was cut off, in Australia. Young Garrett took over Europe. With Danny owning South America, and Zack taking much of Asia, Pinkerton had little chance and was eliminated. Yours Truly had no hope, buried in South Africa.
And yet, then Young Garrett, ever unreliable, fell. Tyler was the next to fall, Zack then went down. Danny and Yours Truly had only to eliminate each other--Danny in his first WarGames, Yours Truly hoping for a back-to-back win, having won WG I. And suddenly, the Nuclear Option mattered more than ever, striking Danny twice in key areas, leaving Yours Truly enough life to amass a legion, to strike fast and to finally dominate. And Yours Truly is WarGames Master once again.
Geeks, nerds and dorks of the world, rejoice.
61. "Death Race" with Mikey If you are standing in the welfare line, and with President Elect Obama set to take charge in a matter of days, you might be soon, and you ask for cheese, they give you the block. If you ask for butter, they give you the block of butter. If you ask for Bruce Willis, they give you... Jason Statham.
Imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit (aren't they always), he's forced to compete in a television game show where criminals race each other in death machines, with the winner having a chance to go free. There's the corrupt warden (Joan Allen), the angry black man (Tyrese Gibson), the hot chick (Natalie Martinez), the older, wise sage (Ian McShane) and of course, the crazy foreigner (Max Ryan). But all that doesn't matter.
What does matter is how terrible this movie was. How terrible, and yet, how Craptastic. Absolutely Craptastic. The plot is lousy, the action is predictable and repetitive, the deaths are kind of unimaginative, but the whole movie tosses together makes for an entertaining night, at least with the right person.
Enter Mikey, who, like myself, share a love and appreciation for Craptistical Films. We saw this movie at the dollar theater in town, which made it much better--"The Punisher: War Zone" might have been salvagable had I only paid $1 instead of $9 for it.
Coming Up... For Better or For Worse restarts, The Official Troy State Crush returns and... you're doing what to Matt Damon???
After all the recent happenin's in the SEC--Auburn firing Tubby, Florida on the cusp (and winning!!!) another national title, Bama's disaster in the Sugar Bowl--I wanted to hear what columnist and diehard Tider Scott Latta had to say.... we had an email conversation, then he wrote a little blurb on everything...
ME: So, your take on what happened last Friday?
SCOTT: Apparently, Andre Smith was good or something. Who knew? I think Alabama just didn't want to play Utah. I'm not sure, had Andre played, Alabama would have won. Utah just shredded the defense and exposed a whole lot of holes that had been covered up by a dominant running game all season. Whatever. Six months ago, if you had offered me 12-2 with wins over Georgia, Tennessee, LSU and Auburn, I would have laughed and jumped all over it. Plus I keep telling myself that this is the least amount of talent Saban will have from this point forward, and that makes me happy.
ME: Think Saban fueled the fire? Didn't he make some cutting remarks towards Utah? Or do you think that the team just finally gave in, deciding they were done with it all, with the Go Gators ripping their hearts out in Atlanta (hence, who cares about a meaningless bowl game against the freakin' Utes?)
SCOTT: All Saban said was that Alabama was the only team to go undefeated from a true BCS conference. What's not true about that? Utah probably posted that everywhere, but it's like him saying, "I'm the only coach to bring in the top recruiting class last year and then run the table in my conference." People can use anything they want that comes out of his mouth against him.
I think they just gave in. I followed that team, was at all the press conferences, interviewed all the players, all season long, and I think they were just tired. I know I was, and all I had to do was hit record on a voice recorder. The Mobile Register had a report that said after the SEC Championship, one player was overheard in the locker room saying "If we play Utah I might as not even show up." This player, apparently, had a bad game in the Sugar Bowl. (I don't know who it was, but that narrows it down to, oh, about 75 guys.) I think that sums it up. Fourteen games is a lot, and fourteen games under Saban is like 80 games under most other coaches. I think the Florida loss had a whole lot to do with it. It exposed Alabama's lack of a pass rush and showed that you could exploit Saban's vaunted 3-4.
ME: Personally, I've always contended that if Tebow had chosen Alabama, Shula would still be coach, or at least would have been a year longer--long enough that Saban wouldn't have been available. I think that Tebow would have given them just enough wins to warrant keeping Shula, but they'd still only be a 8 or 9 win team, never more.
SCOTT WRITES:
I've wondered that a lot. A whole lot. What if Bear Bryant hadn't died in 1982 and had become athletic director like he had planned? How would the program be different today? What if Mike Price (it's rolling baby-d$) had not been an idiot and instead had become the coach? I think it would make for an interesting book.
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During my freshman year at Alabama, in 2005, we were recruiting Tim Tebow. Mike Shula was the coach, we hadn't won many games, but Tebow was still somehow drawn to Shula's nice-guy persona and the school. I lived in a brand new apartment-style dorm then, and one Sunday afternoon I was told we would have a recruit stop by to be shown around the building, and that he would be coming into our room for a while to look around. It was going to be Tim Tebow, who was in town for his official visit. We, being four recruiting-obsessed college guys, ran around frantically, sweeping and vacuuming and cramming a semester's worth of cleaning into 10 minutes. We turned the Steelers-Bengals game on because we thought he might want to watch. We left our Bibles on the kitchenette table.
Before long, they came. First his mom, then his dad, then him. We shook hands and introduced ourselves. And then it hit me.
Tim Tebow had one of the weakest handshakes I had ever experienced.
I don't know what I was expecting, but I know it wasn't the wet-paper-towel strength of SuperTim's extended hand that I received. I wanted to smile at him and be cool, to let him know that even the Regular Guys at Alabama were worth hanging out with, but all I could do was stare at our clasped hands, my eyebrows furrowed just a bit in confusion, as he looked at the TV. "Who is that, the Steelers?" he said. All I could do was pull my hand away and confirm. "Yeah," I said. "Playing the Bengals."
We watched for a few minutes. He went in my bedroom and stood with his parents, talking about the school while we all stood in the living room slightly hyperventilating. We talked as a group for a bit about our majors and dorm life. After a while, they left in a van, and Tebow eventually committed to Florida, where he has since won the Heisman Trophy and a pair of national championships, all while circumcising young Philippine boys and cramming half of the New Testament onto his eye black.
It wasn't until later, while watching Tebow jump-pass his way past some SEC also-ran, that I realized something awful. When Tim and I shook hands that day in my living room, I extended first, and I am right handed. He responded dutifully, and it was our right hands that shook. But Tim Tebow is left handed. The wet-linguini handshake I received was a fraud. And, believe me, I wonder every day how things would be different had I instead offered my left hand, letting him know how tuned in Alabama fans were to his life and thereby securing his commitment to our school. No doubt, my left hand would have been turned to gold. I kick myself.
But, there is little that can be done now. Had Tebow committed to Alabama, he would be about to begin his redshirt junior season at tight end, and that actually makes me kind of glad I screwed it all up.
Behold, Chizikistan! As an Alabama graduate who worked in the athletic department for two years, you can probably imagine my reaction when Auburn hired Gene Chizik. The only thing I can think to compare it to is the N64 kid off YouTube.
Observe...
This is more of my reaction to Chizik's coaching staff. Now, don't get me wrong, I find a lot of humor (and reason for fist pumping) at the combined head coaching records of Chizik and new defensive coordinator Ted Roof, whose 6-45 record accompanies nicely Chizik's 5-19 mark, making for a nice 11-64 combination. But Chizik, to his credit, is piecing together a good staff of quality recruiters, and the Gus Malzahn hire sure is a fun one. When you live and die in a conference that boasts recruiters named Meyer, Richt, Saban, Spurrier, Miles, Nutt and Petrino, you need a good staff.
But do I think Chizik can hold his own in recruiting? Not this year. Too late to the game. On the field, though? As a guy who has experienced more coaching changes than should be federally allowed, I can tell you what it's like having a first-year coach coming off a bad year: you do not win more than seven games. Auburn heads to 2009 with no proven quarterback, no quality receivers, an average offensive line, and some major holes to fill on defense that are going to be patched with anemic recruiting classes. Any coach in the SEC is going to struggle in that situation.
I thought Auburn would beat Vanderbilt last season because, despite their lackluster season, they had better athletes and could out-athlete Vanderbilt to something like a 20-13 win. But that didn't happen, and it became clear to me that average athletes in a good scheme will beat good athletes in no scheme. Auburn heads to 2009 with average athletes in a new scheme. Looks like David Dollar got out while the getting was good. (note--as my allegiences slowly switched from one to the other, Auburn was still good. I just had to be true to myself. This championship, however, I claim -d$)
Andre Smith is Not Dead to Me Of everything I love about sports, my favorite thing about them is probably when out-of-touch sportswriters develop my opinions for me and then broadcast them to the world. I love this. So you can imagine my excitement when I read columns that proclaim that Andre Smith's Alabama legacy is tarnished forever because of what he did, and that Alabama fans will never forget it. Who cares?
Honestly, I don't, and I was paralyzed with shock and rendered temporarily speechless at age 12 after Alabama's overtime loss to Michigan in the Orange Bowl. Two questions: 1. What would Alabama have additionally gained by winning the Sugar Bowl over Utah this year? (Nothing.), and 2. Would they have even won with him? (No.)
So Andre Smith is not dead to me. Did his absence on the field make a difference? Uh, yeah. A big one. But Alabama's problems in its last two games went beyond protecting John Parker Wilson's blind side. Alabama had zero pass rush, and opposing quarterbacks had time to let fast receivers outrun the Tide's DB's. Period.
This is not to say I didn't want Alabama to win the Sugar Bowl. I did. But, this time, I wasn't paralyzed at all. In fact, I think I just made a sandwich when it was over. In 1999, Alabama got to the Orange Bowl on the legs of its best running back in school history (Shaun Alexander) and its best left tackle in school history (Chris Samuels), both of whom were seniors. This year, Alabama did it with a bunch of freshmen and a quarterback whose main quality is that he doesn't royally screw things up much anymore. So there is more reason to be encouraged now than there was then.
(Also, as an aside, I should mention that Samuels did not play in Alabama's '99 Orange Bowl loss for the exact reason Smith didn't play against Utah. Do Alabama fans really care now? No.) One thing became abundantly clear in the Tide's loss to Utah, though: Andre Smith is really freaking good. Without him, Alabama's pass protection was, shall I say, underwhelming. (Meaning: they could have gotten more time for John Parker if Drew Davis had been replaced by a stack of Gatorade coolers with twigs for arms.) Andre will enjoy life in either Detroit, St. Louis or Kansas City next year, and Alabama will move on. Had you offered any Alabama fan 12 wins this year, with wins over Georgia, Tennessee, LSU, and Auburn, he would have hugged you and probably teared up a bit. They'll be fine.
Tim Tebow Will Cure You of Your Iniquities I do wonder a little bit what things would be like had Tebow committed to Alabama. Mike Shula would probably still be around; Florida definitely wouldn't have two national championships or a Heisman; and things in the Philippines would be a little...different. I like that Tim Tebow is a good guy. I'm sure he'll do fine in the NFL. But it's like I said while watching Florida beat Oklahoma this year for the championship: he's like that guy that always took things way too seriously while playing basketball. You're just jogging the ball up the floor and here he comes sprinting across, stealing it from you and slamming it home. Then he full-court presses you, you to dribble off your foot, and he dunks again. Like, seriously, just stop already. We get it: you like football. Great.
During the game, I actually heard the announcers say about Tim Tebow: "If you spend five minutes with him, your life is better for it," and, after a penalty, "That might be the first wrong thing he's ever done in his life." Those are just annoying statements. Who else would those things be said about? (one more note... even more annoying--did you actually see what the penalty was? He did the Gator Chomp at some guy, and flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct. Not even a real penalty. He is perfect. - d$)
Think of everything a solid left-handshake could have changed. I could have saved you from the SuperTim Love-a-ganza that has permeated the United States the last three years. I could have probably given Oklahoma a championship or two. I could have drastically changed life in the Phillippines. Unfortunately, we'll never know.
So consider this my formal apology. And when Tebow comes back next year to cure feline leukemia and eliminate thirst, I'm sorry. I'll do a little more research next time.
Columnist Scott Latta is a recent graduate of Alabama and a WalkAbout drama legend. A member of Dove winning group Factor 7, he ranked #63-A on 2007's 100 Coolest List, and author of 2006's 11th Coolest, the late, great Rammer Jammer Blog, is also the author of "We Got 12 (Coaches): Why Stallings Was Right, Shula Was Wrong, and Every Mistake In Between", and is working on a new book chronicling Saban's first two years. He's also getting married this year. You can read more of his work on his blog "Kangaroo Song" (click the link or just go to d$'s recommended blogs ----> )
Sometime last week, I listed my favorite songs... what I considered to be my absolute, most beloved songs out there... you can read all about that here, in case you missed it.
However, Stephen King made a good point in the back pages of a recent Entertainment Weekly. He said basically that, no matter your favorites, what are the songs you listen to the most?
Granted, I've had my iPod for just over 2 years now, and when I got a new laptop, my playcount reset to 0, but still, I have a good idea of the songs I listen to the most. Keep in mind, the good majority of my time is spent listening to podcasts of: The Dave Ramsey Show, The Rush Limbaugh Show, Car Talk, The B.S. Report and PTI, and sometimes I get to watch a Strong Bad email, Samantha Brown touring South America or Inside the Kingdom's Disney Podcasts.
Taking Stephen's point, though... I thought, "What do I listen to the most?" I made myself a "smart playlist", ie, you can set it up with tons of perimeters. I excluded audio books and TV shows, and set it up to only list the songs I'd played 11 times or more. And this is what it came up with:
Played 11 times on my iPod: "Cowboy Take Me Away" by The Dixie Chicks. Love it. Call me names, I don't care. Makes me think of Dana Mitchell in that Samford step sing skit many years ago. "Sorry to a Friend" by Edwin McCain. Yes, yes, his first big hit was "Solitude", but to me, this is a much better song. Of course, now all you hear from Edwin on the radio is "Could Not Ask for More" or "I'll Be". Its a travesty, really. "Fergalicious" by Fergie. Its actually the video. Originally, before I moved to the laptop, this was closing in on 40 plays. I will now go slam my head in our garage door. "Learn to Fly" by The Foo Fighters. Speaking of the Foo, the website The Smoking Gun lists celebrity "riders", or contract specifications of bands and artists when they perform somewhere. Sometimes its something simple, like "no shellfish because of allergies" or whatever. Other times, it borders on ridiculous. One band asks for all the green M&Ms to be removed. I bring that up to say The Foo Fighter Concert Rider is absolutely hysterical.
"Callin' Baton Rouge" by Garth Brooks. This song is fun to sing, especially when you are so off key, cats and flies are both dying... "aaaaahhhhperator wont you put me on through I gotta send my love down to Baton Rouge hurry up won't you put her on the line I gotta talk to my sweet girl one more time ooooh ooooh ooooh sweet Baton Rouge...." "Until I Fall Away" by The Gin Blossoms. Oh, where did the Blossoms go? Anywhere they'd go, I'd follow them down. "Fading Like a Flower (everytime you leave)" by Roxette. You know those bands that have songs that everyone knows, like "The Look" or "Must've Been Love"? And those bands that have songs that really, only their fans would know? Yeah, I give you this song. "I Have Nothing" by Whitney Houston. You ask me why, I repeat the title of this song.
Played 12 times on my iPod "King of Pain" by Alanis Morissette. The live version from her Unplugged album, which is simply fantastic. This is the song by The Police, but I daresay she improved it. "Uninvited" by Alanis Morissette. Also, the live version, from the Unplugged album. This is the song that was featured in "City of Angels", a movie that I hope Nic Cage takes solace only in the fact its not "Capt Corelli's Mandolin" "Full Moon" by Brandy. This is way back before she became a mom and ran people over. Anyway, this song is da bomb dot com... its tight. I don't really know all the words, though, but I'm pretty sure somewhere in here she says, "We can dance if you want, get to crackin' if you like". I'm not sure I want to know what that means. "Hole Hearted" by Extreme. Before they wussed out on us with "More than Words", they were a rockin' little band. This song takes me back to 8th grade. Way back. "One Hundred Years" by Five For Fighting. The Lovely Steph Leann really likes this tune, and really, I can't blame her. Its a smooth little ditty. "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson. Pretty much the newest song on the entire Played 11+ Times playlist, its also fun to sing. Short and sweet.
"Stay" by Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories. Speaking of fun to sing, this is #1 on my "Favorite Songs to Walk Around and Sing Endlessly" because when you do, chances are someone will join you. And this is one of those songs that, if you ask me to sing the 2nd verse (which, you wouldn't) I couldn't do it without first racing through the first verse and chorus. You can't start in the middle of this song. Go ahead, watch the video. Be entranced. Do it. "3 AM" by Matchbox Twenty. I consider this my Melanie Jackson song from 1997. That's all I got. "Chains" by Tina Arena. "Oooh" starts it out, with a finger snap, a couple of beats and a clap. Then another finger snap, another couple of beats and another clap. Its almost like a game... and Aussie singer Tina Arena can wail, I tell ya. I don't think I realized she's kinda hot too, at least, in 1995.
Played 13 Times on My iPod "Two Tickets to Paradise" by Eddie Money. Looking over my list, this is the most surprising, really. Its just a 70s classic. I liken Eddie Money to Pat Benetar, and a few select others... first, you don't realize how many songs they actually had until you pay attention, then you realize that you like more of them then you thought. "Barracuda" by Heart. I tried to play this on Guitar Hero a few weeks ago. I got about halfway through it, then fell completely apart. Ooooohhh Barra-cuda.
Played 14 Times on My iPod "I'll Be Okay" by Amanda Marshall.On my list of saddest songs ever, a few years ago, this one came in strong. Its very, very painful, when you listen to it, but its a deceptive pain. Its not all touchy, feely ballady slow, its actually got a simple beat to it... featured in "My Best Friend's Wedding", its about letting go of someone who wants someone else. See these eyelids? Fire pokers are going through them now. "Poison" by Bell Biv Devoe. In keeping with the sad, weepy songs list... ha! Contains perhaps some of the greatest, wisest advice anywhere... "Never trust a big butt and a smile..." "Alone" by Heart. Back in the day, Nancy and Ann Wilson had it going on.
Played 15 Times on My iPod: "Linger" by The Cranberries. I mean, let's talk about college, shall we? This is the song I remember when I'm hanging out with Miranda Bryant until 3 am (I must be lonely), while waiting for Bobby and Mandy to come back from the golf course, or I remember from wondering what Kathy Hollingsworth saw in Jerrod Whatshisnuts, and why she wouldn't go out with me... "you know I'm such a fool for you... do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger..." "Someone Saved My Life Tonight" by Elton John. Techinically, my favorite Elton John song is "Take Me to the Pilot", but you know how many times that one has been played? Twice. I will say that "Tiny Dancer", my other favorite Elton tune has a 9 time play record. Still, this one is The Lovely Steph Leann's favorite Elton, and really, I can't fault her for it. "Clarity" by John Mayer. Not even sure how this ended up being played so many times. Not that its a bad song... its like seeing "Men In Black" 15 times. Its good, but really? Have I seen it that much? "Loungin' (who do you love)" by LL Cool J. The polar opposite of "Clarity", I'm actually shocked I haven't heard this song more. Just don't ever read the words too closely--much like any song by Janet Jackson--because your minds are too pure. Cool J says so much without being offensive... mostly, anyway. He rocks. This was actually the first dance song at our friends DeLisa and DeNick's wedding. Cool J is part Greek, I think. "Snow (hey oh)" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. The 13th coolest thing of 2007, played endlessly for a few weeks, then some here and some there. Catchy.
Played 16 Times on My iPod "How to Save a Life" by The Fray. I discovered this song before I discovered Grey's Anatomy. Actually, it was Scotty Latta who steered me their way... I remember on his Rammer Jammer Blog (R.I.P.), he mentioned how much he liked this band.
Played 19 Times on My iPod "Light in Your Eyes" by Blessid Union of Souls. I re-discovered this song last year, and realized how addicted I am to it. The line that says, "...it's been a while since I've seen you, so how have you been? Did you get my letter I wrote you that I did not send..." Freakin' ouch. Seriously.
Played 20 Times on My iPod "Cable Car (over my head)" by The Fray. I'm noticing how many times the ( ) are used in songs. It's like, you want to give your song a cool title, like "Cable Car" or "Snow" or "Loungin", but you know that everyone is going to call it by the words they hear several times in the song, so just add a ( ) to it, and that makes it okay. Add an (over my head) or a (hey oh) or a (who do you love) and its all better. Is this an overused cliche?
Funny thing is, when I had to reformat iTunes, the #1 song played on my iPod was Reese Witherspoon's "Wildwood Flower", then until I got a laptop, the #1 song was "Cable Car (over my head)". And now, since the laptop, everything started over again, here we are again.
Bonus list... songs that have been played 10 times and are ready to make the leap: "Head Over Feet" by Alanis Morisette... "Sister Golden Hair" by America... "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers... "You're So Vain" by Carly Simon... "What a Fool Believes" by The Doobie Brothers... "Rocket Man" by Elton John... "Vehicle" by Ides of March... "Running on Empty" by Jackson Browne... "The Remedy (I won't worry)" by Jason Mraz... "Bye Bye" by Jo Dee Messina... "Rock Your Body" by Justin Timberlake... "Stand Up" by Ludacris... "Holy Roar" by the Passion Worship Band, featurin Christy Nockels... "Baby I'm Yours" by Shai... "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins... "Jimmy Olsen's Blues" by The Spin Doctors... "Drops of Jupiter" by Train... and "La Grange" by ZZ Top.
Here's what I can tell you... if anyone ever directs you some place, such as a building or say, a courthouse, and all they say is "Oh, just turn off this (insert main highway) and follow the road, and keep going until you see (insert destination)", ask for more specific directions.
If they choose not to give you those directions, even indirectly by saying "oh, you'll find it", then you kick them in the face. They are not your friends, and furthermore, they want to see you fail.
We closed on our house today... The Cabana, as it will furthermore known in the Clouds In My Coffee Blog (presented by Citi, Scott Latta)... and it was painless, really. We just signed a bunch of papers in the presence of the closing attorney, an older bean counter with it seemed like no sense of humor whatsoever--of course, if I need legal advice, I'd take a guy who can't a joke but knows the law backwards and forwards over a funny guy who has no idea what he's doing.
It is important to know that I haven't really talked about The Cabana much, other than some mentions on Facebook and such, simply because nothing is final 'til its final. I wanted to wait until today to really discuss it, because today we finally closed on the house.
Also in our midst was Tanya, our fabulous realtor, Gary, our mortgage guy, and Shelley, the leasing agent from Beaumont, which is where just bought our home. Closing actually took about an hour or less, so yay for us. Heck, I might even be back at the Starbucks to do the schedule and other stuff by what, 2pm? Rock on.
At the end, though, we were presented with some documents, plus instructions from Gary and the closing attorney. Those instructions simply stated, "You need to file those homestead papers at the Courthouse."
Me, being a first time home buyer and know as much about buying homes as I do about why I'm sitting here watching Sly Stallone in "Cobra" on tv (which is very, very little) responded with "Um... the courthouse?"
"Yes, the Shelby county courthouse." "Which is...?" "Downtown Columbiana" "Downtown Columbiana? Where is Columbiana?" "Oh, just follow 280 until you see the signs to turn off. Then you'll turn, and follow the road straight to Columbiana." "And where will I find the courthouse?" "Just look for the building that looks like a courthouse" "...in downtown Columbiana..." "Right" "What do I do? Just take this paper in and say 'here'?" "Pretty much. Its a 25 mile drive for about 30 seconds worth of work. They'll stamp the papers and send you home"
I looked at The Lovely Steph Leann, who smiled and said, "We need to get it done. Just follow the signs off of 280". Little did I know that she really didn't know either.
Steph Leann, Gary and I had lunch, then I was on my way down 280. Over the mountain, down through Chelsea, Alabama, and bam! There's the sign that says "Columbiana 13" with an arrow pointing to the right.
"Well, heck, this should be a piece o'cake!" I thought to myself as I turned to the right, but before I could think much of anything else, there's a red light. And a right turn option. And a straight-ahead option. And no sign. So, I figure, go straight. About 20 minutes later, I decided to call The Lovely Steph Leann to ask, simply, "Where is Columbiana?"
"Where is Columbiana?" I asked. "Um... let's see," came the lovely voice of my wife of 3 years, 11 months and 26 days. "I'll Google it... looks like... you take... Highway 47... then turn right on to Highway 37..." "Hmm... I think that was Highway 37 back there, when I didn't turn. Perhaps I should have turned there." "Maybe so... I don't know"
So, I turn around. I drive the five or six miles back to the turn I should have taken, and turn there. Little did I know that the cars I was seeing would be the last I would see for a long, long time.
I'm driving down this road, and I see civilization pass me by. Slowly, but surely, it fades away into nothing, into just woods, undeveloped hills, and somewhere in the distance, I hear "Dueling Banjos" and swore I heard someone say, "Squeal like a pig, boy!" It scared me.
The road became more and more twisted and turned, I began to wonder... "Is this the glorious road to Columbiana?" And my answer came very clear as I came to a four way stop. On either side of me was an umarked road, going north to south, or perhaps east to west... either way, it was perpendicular to where I was going. And where was I going? I didn't know. Across the road, the highway was different. It was no longer Highway 37. It was Highway 39.
I called The Lovely Steph Leann again. "Um... I need help" "Where are you?" "I have no idea..." "Well, hold on, let me Google it again" "Maybe you should ask someone."
She looks up on Google, and repeats the directions. I told her I thought I followed them. We go back and forth about what she sees on her screen, versus what I'm seeing in real life on this twisted road. I see a T-Rex take out a pteradactyl in the distance. A volcano erupts. I pass a wedding... a brother and sister was tying the knot. Was I in Mississippi now?
I hear another voice behind The Lovely Steph Leann's voice. She's called for help. She asks me again, "Where are you?" Again, I'm forced to say I dont know, because truly, I don't have a clue. Until... I see a sign. A county road sign. One that says County Road... 331.
"I'm on 331," I answer "331?" she replies, then turns away from the phone to repeat the news. I hear a voice in the background,"331? What? He's waaaaay off...."
And in truth, I was. Almost an hour after I left the comforts of Highway 280, if there is such a thing, I was driving on a stretch of road unfamiliar to mankind. In one place, the yellow lines just stopped, then started again 100 feet later, as if both side of the paint crews had run out of paint, and they were feuding over who had to come back and finish the job.
Then, suddenly, Highway 70. There were houses. There were cars, egads, there was life! A turn on Highway 70, another turn later and there approached a town! With an unmistakable dome that could only belong to a courthouse. Finally... I had made my destination! Now I was going to just go in there, get my papers stamped, and be on my merry way. Perhaps I'd go to I-65, perhaps I'd go back to Highway 280, but either way, I was saved!
I parked my car behind the courthouse and walked in, only to find two armed guards and officers sitting behind the counter. "Can we help ye?" asked one. "I need to file... homestead papers," I replied, still unsure of what I was even asking for. "Head out this here door, and head over yonder 'cross the street there to the tax office," he answered.
I walked outside, looked across the street to my left and there was a single story brick building, with the heading "Property Tax Commissioner". Well, then, I'll just go over here and hand them my papers and get them stamped and then be on my way, right? Right!
I walk in, and there's a pleasant lady behind the counter waiting to assist me. I strode over, hand her my papers, and say, "I'm here to file homestead papers." I'm waiting to hear the clunk of a big stamp stamped on my page, then it to be handed back. She doesn't do this, however.
A few seconds go by, she's typing something, and then she says, "Square footage?" I was perplexed, but I told her. "Bedrooms?" I answered "3". Then they came fast and furious.... "Bathrooms? Half baths? Hard woods? Carpet? How many total rooms? Garage? One car or two? One door or two? Any unattached dwellings? Your mothers blood type? What is your favorite color? What is the font of that sign in the back of the Highway 31 Chick-fil-a that says 'Employee Entrance Only'? How many bricks are in the Great Wall of China (I knew that one...)" But, like the genius I am, I fired off the answers quickly... 2. 1. Downstairs. Upstairs. Six. Yes. Two car. No. Not sure. Whatever Steph Leann tells me it is. Helvetica. A bunch"
Finally, after 20 minutes, she handed me back the papers, signed, sealed, delivered I'm hers. Well, not really hers, but still.
I am glad I went to Columbiana though. How else would I have known that next to the Shelby County Courthouse, there stood the Karl C. Harrison Museum of George Washington.
