The Smurf Turf

I'm a happy man. The weather has been beautiful, my wife The Lovely Steph Leann is beautiful, I'm sitting in my comfy leather chair and on the screen is college football. Troy wasn't on the television--and if they were I didn't find them--and its okay I didn't see them, because apparently they got blasted by Bowling Green 31-14... I came in from an informal Bible study meeting with Jillip at Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) and turned on the tv to see the latter part of South Carolina and NC State, which was won by the Gamecocks, alma mater of DeNick.

Now? Its Boise State and Oregon, and currently, the Broncos lead 10-0 on the Smurf Turf.

THE GO GATORS SCARY RANKING
That scares the be-williez out of me too. Do you know how many teams ranked #1 at the beginning of the season went wire-to-wire and won the title? Four. USC most recently did it in 2004.

The Go Gators were ranked #1 by the widest margin in history, with something like 48,000 votes, while Texas, #2, got what, 0.0005 or something? And that frightens me. This means that there is a good chance the Go Gators will get knocked off. My guess is the October 10th game versus LSU, at LSU, would be the most likely candidate. Hopefully, if they lose, that would the game so they'd have time to rebound and get back to the BCS Championship Game on January 7th.

They are bringing back, like, EVERYONE pretty much, so if they do repeat, it won't be a shock. However, its almost a "too good to be true".

Here's essentially why it scares me... remember the Georgia Bulldogs? They were a heavily hyped #1 in August of 2008. And they finished 13th at 10-3.

This Saturday, they are favored by 73... thats SEVENTY THREE over Charleston Southern. I would feel bad for Chuck South except for the fact they are getting something like $450K for the game, so bring it on.

THINGS I BELIEVE ABOUT TIM TEBOW
First, if Florida beats Ole Miss in 2008, instead of being stunned 31-30, then the Go Gators run the table all the way up to the SEC Championship game, where they get beaten by Alabama by 6. It was that loss to the Rebels that let the Go Gators know, "Hey, Tebow... you aren't invincible." And they go on to win the championship.

Next, if Tim Tebow goes to Alabama, Mike Shula stays the coach for another year or two. They finished 6-6 in 2006, after Tebow goes to Florida (and helps Chris Leak lead the team to the national title). If Tebow comes to Bama, I think the Tide finishes 8-4, maybe 9-3... they still lose the big games, but perhaps beat Arkansas, Mississippi State and possibly Tennessee.



That would be enough to keep Shula employed by the University of Alabama. Nick Saban, unhappy, still leaves Miami Dolphins and goes elsewhere... Notre Dame? Who knows?... but the Tide get someone else, perhaps not as good as Saban, and with Tebow, they continually win 9, 10, maybe 11 games per year--but no national title. Just my theory.

And finally, something someone else believes about Tim Tebow... my buddy Ryan Sherman said it best, spoken like a diehard Tide fan... "You know, I think Tim Tebow is a great guy. Man, you can't hate him, he's a solid guy, a solid Christ Follower, and I think its awesome he wants to do mission work with his life after football. But, you know, I hope in the first game he breaks his leg. Then he can get to mission work faster."

TROY BEING TROY
Ah, the faithful sounds of the T-R (whoop whoop) O-J (whoop whoop) AAAAAA EEENNNN EEESSSS (wooooo!) Trojans football. And tonight, they get blasted by Bowling Green. And next week, they play the Go Gators. People ask me who I root for, and I say, "Troy", mostly because I know there is more of a chance of He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected saying, "I want to give you all some tax cuts" than the Trojans beating the Gators.

MY FANTASY
So, I'm in a Fantasy Football League for the first time. Matta Latta invited me, and I joined up with The Official Clouds in My Coffee Ombudsman Brad Latta, Mikey, Scotty Latta, Drewski Morris and a few others, and we had our draft this past Sunday night.

My team, Manilow's Revenge, is QB'd by Tom Brady, so my season rests on his knees. I've also got DeAngelo Williams at RB, Brandon Marshall as a WR and Jason Elam as my kicker. And... I drafted Mike Vick as a backup QB. Yes, yes, he's not available until Week 3, but still, I think when McNabb goes down (and he will), Vick will come out and be great again. He's got nothing to lose.

How can I like Vick? I don't, necessarily. I thought when we with the Falcons, he was kind of a pud, but he was an amazing athlete. And no, I don't condone what he did. His dog fighting was horrific, and the things he did with those dogs is horrific... but he served his time. Whether I feel it was punishment enough (which I do) isn't the point... the point is, not only did he do his jail time, he's been crucified and hated in the public, and his career is very close to being as ruined as his reputation.

Besides... Plaxico Burress is spending what, a year or more in jail for shooting himself in the leg, something stupid he did to himself... but Donte Stallworth gets drunk, kills someone while driving and only gets 24 days? Don't tell me Vick didn't serve long enough.

RELAXATION, CORONA STYLE
I don't drink. But if I did, I'd want to drink Corona, but only if I'm sitting on a beach, next to The Lovely Steph Leann, in a lounge deck chair on a beach with a cool breeze blowing, small table between us with two long neck bottles filled with cool refreshment, topped with two perfectly sliced pieces of lime.

They make drinking seem nicer than Bud Light, Miller Lite, that German green bottled beer I can't spell and Pabst Blue Ribbon ever do.


This would be typical of The Lovely Steph Leann and I... if we were drinkers

Though Samuel Adams looks like a cool beer to drink. It looks like a beer that me, as a cultured intellectual would drink.

But I don't drink.

d$'s PREDICTIONS
The current AP Top 10 is as follows: 1) The Go Gators... 2) Texas... 3) Oklahoma... 4) USC... 5) Alabama... 6) Ohio State... 7) Virginia Tech... 8) Ole Miss... 9) Oklahoma State... 10) Penn State

Here's how yours truly, d$, predict the season will play out. The final AP top ten will be:
1) Texas (I predict they win the national title)
2) Penn State (I predict Texas blasts Penn State something like 54-10 in the BCS title game)
3) Florida
4) USC
5) Ohio State
6) Boise State
7) TCU
8) Alabama
9) Oklahoma
10) Georgia

Mark it down. Bet on it. I can see the future. Look at this post on January 8th and you'll see for yourself.

THE SMURF TURF (and colleen's song) REIGNS
I've been blogging all along during the game, chatting with The Lovely Steph Leann about who wants to go with us to The Happiest Place on Earth (can you believe we're actually having a little trouble filling that spot?), and doing some random surfing on the interweb.

Tomorrow night, we hang out with Croyle and his wife Britlicious, and new friends Phil & Colleen. Went into Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) Middle School Ministry...

...okay, so "middle school" is the new norm? what was wrong with "junior high"? nothing! junior high ministry works just as well, perhaps better than middle school ministry. whoever changed that is probably responsible for dropping "junior college" from most junior colleges and turning them into "community college". you don't call junior varsity teams "middle varsity" or "community varsity", do you? not yet, anyway.

...and Colleen sang a song that she wrote. It was amazing. With apologies to Factor 7, I've only got one song written and sung by a friend that has anywhere over 2 plays on my iPod, and that's Joel Blount's song "Sunday Afternoon", which currently is in my Top 100 songs (11 plays). If I had Colleen's song, and I don't even know the title, on my iPod, it would rival it, easily. It was that good.

Finally... Go Gators.

Goodbye, Dear, Old, Undependable, Unreliable, Unfaithful Friend

I bought a car in 2000. Nine years later, I gave it away.

I wrote some general reference notes about my sad, sordid vehicular history, which includes three accidents, more than one (or two) tickets, an arrest (a tale that must finally be told... one day) and a whole lot of breakdowns.


The final day with The Sable... I would guess that many memories of me held by friends involve this red car

The 1999 Mercury Sable Pezochit lasted a lot longer than I ever thought it would, as I took it from 41K to 138K in the time I had it. I actually had this car longer than the Olds, the Buick, the other, cooler Olds and the Blazer put together...

Quite simply, I was driving a 1988 Chevy Blazer in 2000. It was a great vehicle, I was paying for a little at a time--the payments were reasonable, the truck was comfortable, it has character, lots of room and a few fun quirks, like when you plugged in a CD player into the lighter, the radio stopped working, leaving only the tape player. Or was it, the tape player stopped working, leaving only the radio? Who knows.

My issue with the Blazer was that the tires were bald (I remember sliding across a lane as I turned onto Lakeshore Parkway from the Parisian building) and the steering column moved. Literally, I could move the steering wheel up and down, and the entire column moved with it. Oh, and there was once when the truck wouldn't turn off. I drove it to the mechanic, and when they asked me where the keys were, I laughed and handed them over. Then he asked me, "Why is it still running, if I am holding the keys?" I smiled and replied, "And thats why I'm here."

I got a call from the dealership where I purchased the Blazer, telling me that if I wanted to upgrade in car, I could go see this guy named Carl at Jim Burke, and they would get me into something better. What should I have done? Said, "Yeah, no thanks. I'm going to pay off my truck, get it fixed somehow and be done with it." Granted, it would have cost me, I dunno, probably $1500 to get four tires and a steering column that stayed in place... but it was better than the alternative. Which is what I went with.

"Sure!" I said, thinking about upgrading in car. I'm thinking a Dodge Avenger, or a Honda Accord, or maybe not just a Chevy Blazer... but a Chevy TRAIL Blazer. Yee-ah boy! And somehow, I got roped and wrangled into a 1999 Mercury Sable. A family car. A four door. I can handle it, though, because it means less insurance money, right?

Yeah, I guess... but the payments were just too much. Of course, when you do the math with my salary at the time, it actually worked out. I wasn't on a budget though, so when you did the math with my salary, plus my eating out, plus my social life, plus my four credit card bills, plus my rent, plus my other things I'm having to pay for, there was nooooo way it was going to work. So what did I do? I signed the contract, bought the car.

It was about $13,000-ish, maybe a little more, a little less.

Random trivia... my first passengers? Jenn Then Pritchett Now Glenn, and Emily Etheridge, a mutual friend of mine and Amy Valdmanis (I love Valdmanis!).

It drove fine for a while. I made payments for a while. Of course, I was so broke, I couldn't afford to pay the much higher tag fees, so I had the "Jim Burke Auto" tag on my car for the first, I dunno, 7 months or so... which got me in trouble bigtime with Johnny Law. Once again... another story, another day.

But over the course of time, things began to wear down on the car... you know, after a few months. After a year. After another few months. Starters, alternators, fuel pumps, water pumps, headlights, batteries, brakes, brakepads, rotors, motor mounts, sparkplugs, oil leaks, pipes, cords, impounds, tow trucks, speeding tickets... before The Lovely Steph Leann, during our friendship stage, during our off and on and off stage, during our dating-then-seriously-dating stage, during our engagement stage, during the married stage... I feel like there was a breakdown for every stage of our relationship (thats the car, not our relationship).

I actually haven't had a working heater for over three years. It just crapped out. I always figured that Alabama winters aren't really too harsh, so I would survive, and I have, though not having heat in my defrost is pretty miserable when its cold. I would use cassette tape plastic covers to scrape ice, before I got an actual ice scraper, but it would still leave a thick layer of fog on the windshield that was impossible to get off. Many times I pulled off into a stray parking lot to wipe fog and frost off of the windshield.

It was also annoying that the driver side door lock didn't work. I had to go to the passenger side to unlock the car, which was worse when it was a cold January rain, because not only was I wet, when I got in, I had no heat, so I remained cold. Not good times.

Enter Dave Ramsey and FPU, ushering in a new era of fiscal resposibility for d$, with The Lovely Steph Leann playing more than a small part, and we started to saving, knowing that a car purchase was immenent. At what point does a car break down so much that you just have to say "pssshaw!" and do something else?

It broke down on the way home from Starbucks one afternoon... driving down Hwy 280, mid afternoon traffic... I felt it go... I knew it was going... you know how you just know. You know how you can just tell when you're on borrowed time when it comes to your car? Something isn't quite right... I spotted a National Tire & Battery, so I was hoping to make it there. I got into a turn lane, to turn onto the service road and drive on up to NTB. At least get out of this 4pm traffic... and it died, right there as I was about to turn left to the service road.

A Starbucks co-worker called me... "Hey dude, I just drove by and saw you... you need help?" I replied, "No, I just called Triple A. They are on their way. Until then, I will just sit here and blcok traffic", which is exactly what I did. A few minutes later, I get a call from my buddy Croyle, who said that Britlicious, his wife, had just called him... apparently she had also just passed by and had seen me--bear in mind this is one of the busiest roads in all of Alabama, so it wasn't as if anyone could easily pull of and assist... besides, what could they do? Well, Croyle came.

At a green arrow, we pushed the car, not realizing the slight incline that existed there, right as we came off of 280. We got it off the highway, though, thanks to a motorist that was in a nearby parking lot jumping out and giving us that final "umph". The tow truck came, got it jumped off, and I tried to get it down the road... and it died in the turning lane to actually turn into NTB. The tow truck gave me another quick jump, and I finally got it into the shop.

And Croyle? Just a testament to the good guy he his--he just said, "Dude, just drop me off, and borrow my piece of crap car. I'll drive Britlicious' car tomorrow." So I did.

Anyway, long story short (too late!), this past fall Toni Rocki Honda joined us at The Cabana, taking The Sable's spot in the garage, and putting The Sable outside on the curb. Since September.

A month or two back, I was driving it around as Toni Rocki Honda was in for a tune up, it completely shut down on me in the middle of turning left off of Valleydale Road onto Highway 31, a major intersection, one where you just don't want to freeze up. And yes, it was time to call someone.

The final straw came in the power of the Homeowners Association as they sent a "You'd better listen to this" kind of letter, saying "Hey, get that car out off our lovely Beaumont streets!". The Lovely Steph Leann finally turned to me and said, "We gotta call someone and get this car gone."

I did some research on the net, asked for some suggestions on Facebook, and finally, I called The Foundry. And a week or so ago, before I left for The Happiest Place in the Mall, they came by.



The Foundry is a ministry organization in the area that works with the homeless, the addicted and other people who just need help in certain areas. They take car donations, get them fixed, and those being ministered to use the cars to get them to their jobs, as they recover from what they've been dealing with.



It was weird letting go. I mean, yeah, its a car... but it had been with me for 9 years. Heck, I dated The Lovely Steph Leann in that car. And Leslie Cordell. That's a good batting average.



I had cleaned out the car already, as many of you might have seen my Facebook photoalbum, "Things I Found In My Car"... I took it to a nearby car wash, got it cleaned up, and as I vacuumed, I found a rubber chicken, over four bucks in change, a dry erase marker, four small stuffed animals, a keyboard, a mouse, a mini General Lee car, a coat hanger, a big thing of bubble wrap, two notebooks, an ESPN: The Magazine issue from 2005, three bags of coffee, a coat hanger, a whole buncha cassette tapes... and even more. And if you think I'm making any of this up for comedic effect, you'd be wrong.



They loaded up The Sable onto a flatbed, and just like that, the car was gone. And what's terrible slash funny about the whole thing is that the list price was $13,000. Because I had so much trouble with payments, and finance fees, and late payments and so on and so on, the price we ended up paying by the time it was all said and done? Around $22,000.

And we just gave it away. Yeah, we get a tax deduction... but not much. So hopefully it will help out whoever gets it, provided its working and the transmission had been fixed.

Thus ends a long vehicular chapter in the life of d$. Hopefully, my Honda auto be better.

The 100 Coolest Things of 2008... 60 thru 51

NOTE: If you are reading this on facebook, click here to see the videos (they will not appear in facebook notes)

Are you new to the blog? Click here to find out what the heck this is all about.

And we'll continue our annual list of the Top 100 Coolest Things of 2008...
The Introduction and Recap
The 100th thru 91st Coolest Things of 2008
The 90th thru 81st Coolest Things of 2008
The 80th thru 71st Coolest Things of 2008
The 70th thru 61st Coolest Things of 2008

WARNING... There are three videos that I would rate as PG-13 on today's blog. You can probably find uncensored versions of them on YouTube, but the ones you'll see here aired on network tv at one time or another--including the "F" word being bleeped about, oh, four dozen times. So, Emmy Turnbow, it might be good to not click on the videos involving Matt Damon & Ben Affleck...

60. Melissa Robillard
She's the WalkAbout mom of the year (last year's honor went to Paula Maddox, one of The Coolest Things of 2007). Anyway, she rocks. I (heart) this chick.

59. "Carrie" by Stephen King
Having been an avid reader of Stephen King since I was in junior high school, I've read just about all of his early works--"Firestarter", "Pet Semetary", "Christine", "Night Shift" and more--but somehow "Carrie" evaded me. Strange, because its one of his thinnest novels, and really, took about two days, mostly because I read 30 minutes here, 20 minutes there and so on.

Carrie is a strange little book. Its almost pieced together like a scrapbook, and were it made into a movie other than the John Travolta/Sissy Spacek classic, it might have been a docu/mockumentary of some sort. Filled with fictional documents, it uses "interviews", "book excerpts", "transcripts" and "newspaper clippings" that give the background of the "tragic events of Chamberlain, Maine", all to tell the story of Carrie White, a lonely 17 year old girl who has special telekentic powers that she is only beginning to understand.

She's tormented by her classmates and even worse, tortured by her crazy mother. Anyway, it progresses on and on, until a prank goes awry and gets carried away at prom, and Carrie decides "enough is enough".

I also said this on November 19th... I dare say despite all of King's bad guys in all of his books, Chris Hargensen may be the most rotten villian overall... she's not possessed, she's not risen from a grave, she's not a zombie... she's just really, really mean.

If you like horror novels, give it a read.

58. Investigation Discovery
The Discovery Channel has lots and lots of offshoot channels on expanded cable, like Discovery Health, Discovery Science, Discovery Kids, Discovery Food, Discovery Global Warming, Discovery Britney Spears and more... but my favorite? Investigation Discovery.

Anyone who has read this blog for very long will know my love for forensic shows and crime documentary stuff... this channel is chock full of them. Twenty four hours a day of shows like "Solved", "Most Evil", "Justice Files", "The New Detectives" and even better, repeats of "48 Hours" (they have relabeled them "48 Hours: Hard Evidence) and of course "Dateline NBC".

The Lovely Steph Leann and I have about 877 channels on DirecTV right now, and a year later, I have yet to learn most of the numbers. I know ESPN is 206. I know USA is 242. I know The Travel Channel is 277. I know the movie channels start with HBO on 501. And I know that Investigation Discovery is on 285. I know this because I watch it often.

57. "The Green Mile" by Stephen King
I know, I know, we've already had a King novel on this same post, and yes, I'll admit, I have read this before (this issue will pop up again later), but here's what I wrote on November 19th:

After I finished "Carrie", for some reason, I immediately went to "The Green Mile". This was a novel that came out in the mid-90s, in a style that was a throwback to the way many books were published... a few chapters at a time.

The first book, "Two Dead Girls", was only about 100 pages and I remember buying it in Troy's Wal-Mart in March of 1996. I was intrigued because it was so small, and figured I could read it pretty quickly--which I did. The next book, "The Mouse on the Mile" came out at the end of April, and so on monthly, until the final volume, Part 6, "Coffey on the Mile" was released in August of 96.

I remember liking the story a whole lot back then, and was excited to pick it up again. And it was amazing. Seriously... I don't remember much of what I re-read, perhaps having seen the movie so many times. By the way, the movie is just incredible too, a Dave100 pick, so I highly recommend it.

But the novel goes into so much more detail, as novels tend to do as they've got a length advantage over movies. You get more backstory, you care more about the characters, and though I still could see Tom Hanks and David Morse in the part of Edgecombe and Brutal, the best... worst... part was Percy Whitmore. He perhaps rivals Chris Hargensen as the meanest King villian, even worse that Wild Bill in the story.

56. Leading FPU Again
I love Financial Peace University. In 2008, The Lovely Steph Leann and I became debt free, and part of it was due to what we had learned from Dave Ramsey's ministry, including what we went through in Financial Peace University, ie, FPU.

Over several years now, we've been able to not only put people through it, but help to lead it in small group settings as well. It seems like each week gets better than the previous, each year gets better than the last. And this year, I was lucky/blessed enough to not only share my testimony, but help guide my friends Croyle & Britlicious. KT and J Rob, Paulie Walnuts & Sammi, but I also got to lead a group that include more friends, including Little Sister Ashley.

The bonus was the new people I met, including sister of Amy Mac, that being Jenn Smith, and her husband Michael. I was able to get Jenn a job later at The Happiest Place in the Mall a few months later, and a friendship was cemented.

Wanna know how the Financial Peace Plan works? Ask. I'd love to see you be debt free too.

55. "Grey's Anatomy"
The Lovely Steph Leann and I have a DVD tradition with a few shows, as in, we don't watch them on network tv, we wait until the season comes in, then watch the whole season over the course of a few weeks, as in the case of CSI... or in a few days, as in the case of "Grey's Anatomy".

Patrick Dempsey, a charter member of The Colin Firth Club, keeps The Lovely Steph Leann paying attention, while I can never decide between Christina, Meredith or Izzie... actually, I don't know who is hotter, or if any one of them are even attractive--its The McGriddle Effect in full effect, really...

The McGriddle Effect garners its name from my first time eating a McDonald's McGriddle breakfast sandwich. Its the weirdest thing, because you can taste the syrup filled pancake that makes the sandwich, and you can taste the sausage, and you can even taste the egg, and seemingly all at the same time. And I can't decide if its absolutely amazingly good... or one of the worst things I've ever eaten. There is no in between. Its not "eh" or "alright" or "so-so"... its either delicious or disgusting, and I am just not sure which one it is.

Such it is with Sandra Oh, Katherine Heigl and Ellen Pompeo. Personally, Kate Walsh, a one time Ashley Judd Club finalist, beats them all, but she was siphoned off to another show, "Private Practice" that I have tried to watch, but just don't care enough about.


Its the ending to Season 4, which we watched in pretty quick time

54. I'm... Matt Damon/I'm... Ben Affleck
So, in 2007, comedianne Sarah Silverman came on the Jimmy Kimmel Live late night show... she and Kimmel were dating at the time (I think they broke up) and she reveals that she... well, she and Matt Damon were together at one time. And another. And another.

Anyway, the language--lots of it--is bleeped out, which is why I'm okay posting it here... and maybe its bad that I think its hysterical (most things are, really), but wow, its hysterical.

So then, Jimmy Kimmel fires back. And he fires back bigtime... with Brad Pitt, Don Cheadle, Harrison Ford, Cameron Diaz and an entire group that resembles USA for Africa during "We Are the World"... and Ben Affleck.

wondering where it is? well, when i post a video, i always make sure i check the quality of the clip on the site before i finish... and so i watched both videos, laughed again, and then noticed after the videos, the description of the video was right there, complete with the F-bomb and everything. i just felt funny leaving that there, so i pulled the videos down... however, if you go to YouTube and search "matt damon sarah silverman" and "jimmy kimmel ben affleck", you'll find it. just remember it is NOT SAFE FOR WORK or Emily Turnbow.

53. "Quantum of Solace"
For the record, I've never been a huge James Bond fan. I guess the early movies with Connery and Roger Moore were decent enough, but I thought Timothy Dalton was a terrible choice. Pierce Brosnan was pretty good, I guess, but it took Daniel Craig to actually turn me into a Bond fan.

"Casino Royale" was excellent. And "Quantum" was just as good, possibly better. Lots of action, very little of the silliness that makes Bond movies sometimes, like the goofy gadgets, the improbable cars and such... and perhaps the hottest Bond girl ever, Strawberry Fields.

Earlier today, I was coming downstairs to DVR the Baltimore/Pittsburgh game only to find The Lovely Steph Leann already setting up the DVR to record some show on Ovation called "Lost in Austen". I thought of Austin, TX, at first, though it didn't look right... then it hit me... Jane Austen. She said it looked like a good show. Imagine my surprise tonight when, while retrieving links for this blog post, I found that Strawberry Fields herself was Elisabeth Bennet in two episodes of "Lost In Austen". Perhaps this is a show we'll watch together.

52. "Bedtime Stories"
I was actually looking forward to this flick, and when it was released on Christmas Day, we made it one of our two part movie double feature (the other was Benjamin Button). I knew it would be silly, and I knew with the premise of the movie--Adam Sandler tells bedtime stories, and they come to life--the plot would be silly, borderline stupid.

You know what? I was pretty much right. And it was a great flick anyway. Its a fun film to watch while shoving popcorn in your mouth, slurping down overpriced Coke and munching on Twizzlers, my candy of choice at the movies.

Its clean, too. No bad situations, no bad language, heck, even Felicity manages to look cute, something she has a hard time doing in my opinion.

51. Ambre Lake on Rock of Love 2
So, I'm surfing through MySpace, and I hit upon the page of my friend Wendi Deckermiller, and her blog is discussing Ambre Lake, my friend from college and according to Wendi, new reality star.


I know what you are thinking... and no, I didn't "indirectly" kiss Bret Michaels. Or did I? Ha!

I flip to her website, and yes, its true... Ambre Lake is going to try and win the heart of Bret Michaels from Poison. Watching the episodes, I came away with three things...
1) I am not sure she initially wanted to win. Perhaps that changed later, but I think she just wanted some exposure.
2) She was actually respectable. That's a big difference from all the other girls on the show, who mostly acted like ho'bags and tramp vamps. Even my friends, the ones who knew and the ones who didn't, liked her the best.
3) Define surreal: Watching someone who you danced with to "You Were Meant For Me" at a fraternity formal over 10 years ago appear on a Vh1 reality show she's trying to win the affections of a rock star that was famous 20 years ago. That's surreal.

And she won.

Coming soon... Doctor Earl becomes an Angel, My favorite song of the year, and someone else gets a Pruitt Award.

The 100 Coolest Things of 2008... 90 to 81

If you are seeing this post on Facebook, chances are the videos won't even appear, much less work. Click over to Clouds in My Coffee to see everything.

90. Erin Formerly-Coates-Now-Whitehead.
She's a friend of mine from Troy State University, and now she is residing in Tallahassee, Florida. Granted, we weren't all that close in college, and honestly, its not like we are BFF now, but Facebook makes stronger friends out of former acquaintances, just like in this case. What's cool about her is that she's an army--scratch that, MARINE--wife... she reads the blog frequently, commenting here and there, and is a Conservative--which means she's got some sense...


Erin and myself on the FarmHouse Frat Riverboat Formal in... 1998? I was dating Melanie Jackson at the time so yes, it was 98. Either way, we were awesome. Still are.

Erin sent me this email not too long ago, something she had written entitled "What I Learned From This Deployment". It is a list of 8 hard-earned lessons about being a mom at home, while hubby is away helping defend our country. This is #8, and I don't think she'd mind me sharing.

Erin writes... "Marine Corps wives are some of the strongest people on the planet. Now, I am not saying that other military wives are not strong, but I didn’t spend the past 7 months with Army wives (except every Sunday night on Lifetime) so I can only attest to my Marine Wife Sisters. And they are incredible. They serve their country each and every day, even when their Marine is home. Because when he is gone they of course have to be Mom, Dad, nurse, chauffer, midnight mechanic, lawn maintainer (ok, I don’t do this but many do), housekeeper, cook, therapist, activities director, veterinarian, baker of 4 dozen brownies each month, and they occasionally do have to shower themselves.

Some of them have to bear the children, birth the children and nurse the children all alone. Some of them have fulltime careers. Some of them are full time volunteers. All of them worry on a daily basis and embrace change as a family mantra mandated by the Marine Corps. The are the very best at waiting. Waiting for them to leave, waiting for them to call, waiting for them to return, waiting for the movers, waiting for the orders that will change their lives once again.

When their Marines are home they take great pride in looking their very best when they accompany their Marine to the Birthday Ball to celebrate the rich history, traditions and overwhelming pride of the United States Marine Corps. They stay awake for long hours when their Marine is preparing for that next deployment just to kiss him goodnight. She listens to people criticize the wars that her husband fights in and while she may get furious and express her opinion, she rarely stoops to their level.

She helps her sister wife who is new to this whole Marine Corps thing by listening to her concerns and maybe by telling her when the very best time to shop at the commissary might be. And she also helps her sister wives who are “seasoned” when they are pulling out their hair because after 15 years they just don’t think they can take another minute. She helps to talk them off that ledge, because she knows she might need talking down in 5 minutes. And they do this with pride and strength and grace and courage. They laugh inside when people say “Don’t you just want your husband home?” because they know that as long as there are Marines, they will always be deployed.

Because America loves it’s Marine Corps, they need those Devil Dogs…and we as Marine Wives know why…the rest of the country gets to sleep under the blanket of freedom they help to provide. But we get the great honor of sleeping next to our Marine…even if it is only for a couple months out of every year.

Erin... you truly rock. And actually, upon further reflection, your sacrifice alone, added to your coolness, probably deserves a much higher ranking than 90... but here ya go.

89. Adding Music to the Blog
What a revolutionary idea! Not that a thousand other blogs are any different, but it all came about when I was reading The Angel's blog, and she had a player on hers. I thought, "Darn it, I have got to figure this out", so I did. And thus, in July, the Clouds started singing. Many people have enjoyed it, many people have given their feedback about what's good (and sometimes, what's not so good) each month, and Alan the Facebook Stalker (my very first one!) even told me that he rocked out to my December Christmas Playlist.

And I figure now is as good a time as any to give you the rundown on what's playing this month. I decided to post a list of my most played iPod tunes this past year--all of the following had at least 14 plays--you may say "What? That's not a lot of play time for a song to be at the top of your list" but seriously, remember I have over 10,000 songs on my iPod, in addition to almost a 100 audio books

"Two Tickets to Paradise" by Eddie Money. Don't ask me why, don't ask me how. This song somehow made it to my Hannah Pruitt playlist and it just went from there.

"If I Ever Lose My Faith In You" by Sting. Ever just had a song pop in your head, and you wanted to hear it then and there? That was the case with this one. And I just kept playing it all throughout the year.

"Full Moon" by Brandy. Possibly one of my top 20 favorite songs of all time, though I'm still waiting for someone to explain what "get to crackin' if you like" means. Anyone?

"Running on Empty" by Jackson Browne. Of course, we all think of Forrest Gump when this song comes on, but seriously, it is a great, great song.

"Kiss & Say Goodbye" by The Manhattans. Smooth, cool, adulterous R&B.

"Light in Your Eyes" by Blessid Union of Souls. This song will probably stay up another month, as I'm working updating 2006's "20 Saddest Songs Ever Sung" list, and the playlist will reflect that in February.

"The Story" by Brandi Carlile. We've been over this in one of my most popular postings as of late.

"American Boy" by Estelle, ft Kanye West. One of my favorite new songs of the year.

"I May Hate Myself in the Morning" by Lee Ann Womack. In 2008, I think I really became quite the Lee Ann fan, listening to her previous works and loving it (all but "I Hope You Dance")

"How Can You Mend a Broken Heart" by Al Green. So slow, so cool, so Al Green. I sound like a Time/Life CD Collection commercial.

"Sail On" by Lionel Richie & the Commodores. The Lovely Steph Leann loves this one... Lionel Richie is Universal, of course. He keeps popping up all over, actually.

"Godspeed" by The Dixie Chicks. Now, as noted in my Dixie Chicks essay a week or so ago, this isn't my favorite of theirs. In fact, this one only had about 7 or 8 plays on the iPod--"Tortured Tangled Hearts" had 15. But since Playlist.com didn't have that one, I chose this one to represent.

"Killin' Time" by Clint Black. Just like The Chicks, the real Clint song that had 14 plays, "A Good Run of Bad Luck", wasn't available. So I picked this one. For whatever reason, I went on a Clint Black run for a while, lapping up his music over and over. And for that same reason, that's over now.

"You and I Both" by Jason Mraz. This became one of my favorite songs to sing in the car this year. I've actually come to realize that I kinda like Jason Mraz.

"Your So Vain" by Carly Simon. Naturally.

"Snow (hey oh)" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. One of the coolest things of 2007, this song continues to be cool. It's addicting.

"Everybody's Talkin'" by Harry Nilsson. Again, falling into the same predicament as Clint Black and The Dixie Chicks, I couldn't find a copy of "I Guess The Lord Must Be In New York City", featured in a Dave100 Top Ten Movie. I picked this one out, though I really wish the other had been there.

"Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak. This one caught me off guard. At the end of the year, I opened up iTunes and clicked on "play count". Eddie Money was on top, tied with Sting with 17 plays each. There was Nilsson, and the Chili Peppers, and Clint Black and a few others and then... Chris Isaak? Seriously? Yep. Fourteen times I've listened to Chris wail about not wanting to fall in love. Hottest. Video. Ever.

"Loungin'" by LL Cool J. If the world existed with no The Rock, there's a chance my man-ffections would be geared toward Cool J instead. He's just hot. And cool. And this song rocks, as it did 15 times on my iPod.

88. The Year of the Sharpie
Am I the only one who likes to write everything with a fine point Sharpie? Seriously... on my calendar, I actually use four different colors--red for birthdays & holidays, blue for events, black for The Happiest Place in the Mall schedule and green for my Starbucks shifts--but I've even taken to using them in my journals for church. I love Sharpies.

87. "Shut Up and Sing"
I discussed this last week, but I did feel like it warranted a place in my list. It was just a great, great documentary, so much so that I want to see it again--and I like it because it doesn't excuse The Chicks from anything they did, but treats their response--and its consequences--with respect. Go watch.

86. "Bringing Down the House: The Inside Story of Six MIT Students Who Took Vegas For Millions" by Ben Mezrich
Supposedly a non fiction account, it tells the story of Kevin Lewis, an MIT student who was recruited by a card-counting group to hit casinos and do just that--count cards. Mezrich discusses the rise of the team, how they went and took out one casino after another in Vegas, Atlantic City and even small riverboat locations, and how eventually, they were blacklisted and sometimes treated to some violent efforts to get them to stop.

I say "supposedly a non-fiction account", because its been reported that many of the incidents in the story were either made up, or called under questioning for their accuracy by those who were there, on either side. Whatever did or didn't happen, it makes for a fabulous, quick read.

FYI, this was the basis for the Kevin Spacey movie "21", which I haven 't seen, but apparently has very little to do with the book, other than the card-counting team aspect.

85. Toolbox Hunting With the Boys
Back in June, I got to hang out with Paulie Walnuts, J Rob and Croyle... here's what I wrote:

The plan, originally, was for J Rob to find a used tackle or tool box, but as the afternoon wore on, it was pretty clear that he just wanted an excuse to go out to thrift stores. Perhaps the best one I'd ever seen was on Highway 150, right across from the Wal-Mart shopping center. Very clean, very organized. We somehow visited one in Centerpoint, then another in Centerpoint, which was like a football field full of nothing but crap.

You can read the whole darn affair here, including the crotch rocket guy, in a post entitled "Shania, Obama and Other Randomness". It was quite a fun afternoon...

84. "Roller Coaster Tycoon 3"
Had fun with Roller Coaster Tycoon, had a blast with Roller Coaster Tycoon 2, and so of course, I had to upgrade with Part 3, which is even better. The leap from 2 to 3 is about a billion times better than the 1 to 2 upgrade. The graphics are better, the rides are better, and though I'm just getting started (I've had it for a while, but let's face it, with two jobs, three blog sites, Facebook, The Lovely Steph Leann, the iPod, Lost, CSI, Mindy D'Andrea, Wii Fit, KT, family, laundry and other stuff, who has the time for anything?) I'm excited about it!

What's fun about Tycoon is that I have a few names during each game... I always call The Scrambler "Mikey's Scramble Butt" for Michael Nipp, I usually name a wooden roller coaster "Ashley's Spell" for just that very person, a metal crazy warped roller coaster gets named "The Hawbaker Hellfire" for Jess and James, and the merry-go-round is called "Princess Stephanie's Carousel". Maybe I do have too much free time.

83. Melissa Clark
She is gorgeously hot. She has a good lookin' man. Her children are just about perfect. She joined Facebook and it looks like her family is, or at least looks, perfect. But after all that, she's one of the most down to Earth, friendliest, fun people I know. We are in KidStuf--Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) Children's Theater--together, but she's also the girl who cuts my hair. Her client list is so popular, she has a waiting list to get on it. I'd say in 2008, my hair got much better.


Melissa, sans man, with her two perfect kids. Of course, she'd probably beg me to differ on that...

82. "Kung Fu Panda"
No, we don't have it. So please don't come into The Happiest Place in the Mall asking for Kung Fu Panda stuff. You won't find it.

That being said, this movie was really, really funny. Credit Jack Black for making Po a great character, and the story line for being entertaining.

81. David Cook Performs
American Idol had several good choices this year, including Young David Archuleta, My Next American Idol Brooke White, and the eventual winner, David Cook. He gave very different, very good performances which set him apart from everyone and anyone... one was his take on Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby"--a white rocker guy singing R&B diva Mariah, and pulling it off? Amazing. Another was his version of Lionel Richie's "Hello". Does it always come back to Lionel "Universal" Richie?


His rocked out version of "Hello", with no cheese head sculpture--not saying its better or worse without it...

Of course, nothing can top the performance of the year, which was truly "Billie Jean"... this is one of those that will go down in Idol history as memorable and much loved.


Not as good as Michael Jackson's, but the lack of small boys and Neverland Ranch helps here

Coming soon... Bobowen gets a store, Bret gets a girl and someone gets a Pruitt Cool Award

Shania, Obama and Other Randomness

Random thoughts while watching the Lakers & Celtics, Game 3. Go C's!!

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If you are Mutt Lange, how do you cheat on Shania Twain? I mean, what more do you want, Mutt? Have you looked in a mirror lately? Your lady is rich, she's nice, she's smokin' hot, she's talented, and she loves you... how do you cheat on Shania Twain? And the lady he stepped out with? If you're going to cheat on Shania, make it with Carrie Underwood, or Taylor Swift, or heck, even Sara Evans... but the chick he was with? It would be like me cheating on The Lovely Steph Leann with Paul Carby.


Shania.... for this? Seriously?

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Kung Fu Panda. Good movie. I laughed, lots. I will say that Jackie Chan (Monkey) didn't have enough to do, but still, it was quite a good flick, and excellent for kids and adults alike.

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I think its a mistake to snatch up every single super hero in comics and make a movie out of them... I mean, some characters translate well to film--ie, Hugh Jackman's Wolverine, Alan Cummings as Night Crawler, Tobey Maguire as Spidey and Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne. Some, as Jenn Garner's Elektra and Brandon Routh's Superman can tell you, don't.

Here's a link to The 20 Superhero Movies We Hope They Never Make. #15 is so scary I almost poo'd myself.

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We kept our 10 year old niece Maddie here at The Cabana this weekend. Friday night, it was Unca' Dave and Little Maddie hanging out, which included the obligatory trip to the mall. We ended up spending some time in Libby Lu.

Its a teen/tween/drama queen dream. If you are babysitting, or caretaking of a young girl, just go there, let them run wild. Takes a good half hour or more of your time. If you want to use up even more time, give them some money to spend there--it'll be another 20 minutes for them to make their mind up on what to buy.

That being said, I think that if you are male, and don't have a child with you, you should be arrested for going into that store, because either you are R. Kelly, or scoping for chicks, and neither is good. I think Chris Hanson should just set up Dateline's cameras right here, in a new episode of "To Catch a Predator".

I almost expected him to walk out of Brookstone and stop me... "Excuse me, what are you doing here? Why don't you have a seat on that speckled, glittery stool right there..."

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Not only does "Get Smart" feature The Rock, whom I've got a mancrush on, but it also features Anne Hathaway, who might be one of the hottest chicks in Hollywood (could possibly be an heir apparent to The Goddess)... so why don't I want to see it?

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The fine art of buttering popcorn is lost on today's generation of theater working teenagers. I worked at a theater in college, then not too long after I moved to Birmingham, and I learned how to butter a tub of popcorn. You put a scoop or two it, give it a swirl of butter, put in more, swirl more butter on it, and so on until its full. That way, as you are eating the popcorn, just when you think you are out of popcorn with sufficient butter on it, well, looky there, more butter!

Today's kids? They just fill it up and do one swig of butter from the machine. If you ask for extra butter, you might get some in the middle. Absolutely no clue of the classics.

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Who hasn't wanted to own a Flux Capacitor?

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Stormtroopers posin'. That's all I can say. Its hilarious.

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I've talked about this on a previous blog... but I gotta tell ya, one of the most random, stupid movies ever that catches me when I flip past it on cable is "Employee of the Month". Dane Cook actually seems funny, Andy Dick is somewhat likable, and for whatever reason, Jessica Simpson is somewhat cute. (note to Tony Romo: Carrie is still hotter. If she wants you back, drop Jess like a bad habit).

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I maintain a theory that Barack Hussein Obama says nothing better than anyone else in the history of the world. He could teach Paula Abdul about sunshine and all of its blowing traits. I also think that when you take away the teleprompter, Barack the Magic Negro completely melts down with a deer in the headlights-like appearance.

Here's a transcript from his speech from last Thursday in Bristol, Virginia... someone asked him about universal healthcare--I had to listen to this about fifteen times to get it down perfectly. I suffer for you people. When you see "...", that doesn't mean I cut something out, this is exactly what he said.

Here's his answer:

"What they'll say is, well, it costs too much money, but, you know what? It would cost ab... it would, it would, it would cost about the same as what we would spend... it... over the course of ten years it would cost what it would cost us... it (uncomfortable chuckle)... alright, okay... we're going to... the... it would cost us about the same as it would cost for about... (someone in the audience says something--and keep in mind, other than this one guy, the audience is dead silent) Hold on one second, I can't hear myself. But I'm glad you're fired up though. I'm glad."

He continued by saying,"Everybody knows that it makes no sense that, you send a kid to the emergency room for a treatable illness like asthma, they end up taking up a hospital bed, it costs... when... if you... they just gave, gave them treatment early, and they got some treatment and... uh... a breathalyzer... or an inhalator... not a breathalyzer (crowd finally laughs) I haven't had much sleep in the last 48 hours..."

Yes, I'm sure he's tired, and yes, we all stumble over our words sometimes--heck, I stutter often... but my point is, if this is Dubya, the media would be going nuts about what a stupid, bumbling idiot he is.

Course, as busy as the clean and articulate Barack the Magic Negro is, its no wonder he hasn't visited all 57 states... or, with one left to go, that makes 58... though he hasn't been to Alaska or Hawaii... so 59? I'm so confused.

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You know, I don't know that I would have a problem with nationalized healthcare on two conditions... 1) its not mandatory. I want the option to get my own. 2) The government doesn't run it.

This is my big issue. You want our government, our Congress, who can't balance their budget, who has pumped billions of dollars into programs that don't work, who can't keep their Washington Senate cafes open (!) to run our healthcare program. By the way, if you click on the link, remember that our government majority tells us that privatization is a bad thing, and nationalization is a good thing.

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Whew... feel like I just opened up a firestorm with that. I'm going to get comments, I'm sure. I may respond, I may not... but I will say I'm in a weird position--I don't like either guy. McCain or Barack Hussein Obama. So anything I say about The Magic Negro, I'll probably agree with your responses when you get down on Johnny Mac.

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One of my favorite things about The Lovely Steph Leann? When she wears blue. God did this great thing with eyes where sometimes, if the clothes and the eye color match, the eyes shine. And The Lovely Steph Leann's does, when she wears blue. Her eyes dance. They're pretty eyes anyway, but they are so enamoring when they dance. I love it.

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And finally, I went thrift store shopping the other day with my buddies Jason, Croyle and Paulie Walnuts. The plan, originally, was for Jason to find a used tackle or tool box, but as the afternoon wore on, it was pretty clear that he just wanted an excuse to go out to thrift stores.

Perhaps the best one I'd ever seen was on Highway 150, right across from the Wal-Mart shopping center. Very clean, very organized. We somehow visited one in Centerpoint, then another in Centerpoint, which was like a football field full of nothing but crap. I mean, 8 tracks, vases, cups (I saw the same CBS 42 cup in all three stores), old clothes, tvs falling apart, couches falling apart, and we all felt somewhat dirty when we left.

Centerpoint is not really the safest places for three white guys and a half-Mexicali to be hanging out, so we all wore our Kevlar tightly. The highlight of the day, though, was some guy on his motorcycle who flew past us on his crotch rocket, wheelie and all. Secretly, we were hoping he would fall off.

So anyway, we're strumming along, and we somehow catch up to him. Croyle is driving, so we arne't trying to catch up--he's not known for his interstate speed. The guy on the rocket looks over at us, has this look if "wha? how did you...??" and speeds off. He gets caught behind a truck, and we pass him again. This time we all grin and wave.

This is the kind of stuff you get all the time being single, but only get every now and again married. Paulie Walnuts said, "You know what, forget the wives. Let's just hang out tonight."

Woulda been nice...