Hannah Montana: The Movie: The Blog

Alrighty... in an effort to be the one who sacrifices for his readers, who does what he doesn't expect the audience to have to go through, I'm going to do a "running movie diary" blog tonight. Its a movie that I didn't necessarily care about seeing, but at the same time, I was kind of curious. So, its a movie that I procured a copy of, and am about to watch. You ready?

I pop the disc in, and hear the familiar narrator say, "This DVD is equipped with Disney's Fast Play", which to me is a crock. I always end up someway, somehow diverting to the previews, and let me tell ya, on Disney's DVDs, they have a LOT of previews. Like any movie coming out in the next year, any movie in production, any movie that Jorge the Mexican Janitor is imagining that might become a panel idea in seven years--there's a preview for it. And its on the Disney DVDs.

We get to Fast Play, and to the main menu... and the opening castle sequence. And finally... "Hannah Montana: The Movie"...

0:01... The music kicks in, Robbie Ray (Billy Ray Cyrus) stands, with his almost mullet, staring at a mannequin head holding a wig. At the window is Miley and Lilly--apparently she's late for her own concert! But never to worry, they just steal a golf cart.

0:03... So, I'm not a jailbait kinda guy, though The Lovely Steph Leann might tell you different with my affections for Ashley Tisdale..

The Lovely Steph Leann: She's a baby.
Me: Dear, she's 24.
The Lovely Steph Leann: She's a baby.

...but I think Emily Osment is really kinda good looking. Miley has put on the Hannah Montana wig, and then slips on a dress that looks familiar. Its one we sold in The Happiest Place in the Mall last Spring.


Oh, come on, she's kinda cute. I especially like the words "Tiger Beat" in the corner of this picture. Why is there a Dateline NBC camera crew in my kitchen? What the heck?

0:05... Hannah Montana is on stage and launches into "The Best of Both Worlds", which is the them song of her show. Not that I know this. She doesn't have a perfect voice, but its not bad. Somehow we've gone from the stage to her singing on a beach, and there's a coconut on the beach and she's at a video shoot and... oh, I get it. Its showing her crazy life! Clever.

0:08... Weird guy in her tent. He's from a tabloid, trying to get some pictures, and out comes Vanessa Williams who plays her publicist. Wait! The sleazy reporter left his camera on record! Oh no, he's got some footage! Nothing I'm sure he can't get in Vanity Fair. He knows there's a secret, but he doesn't know what! Intriging...

0:10... Here is the gist for those who don't know. Miley Stewart is the daughter of Robbie Ray Stewart, and a singer. But the world doesn't know Miley Stewart... they know Hannah Montana, one of the most popular pop stars in the world. But Miley & Hannah... they are the same person, just one wears a blond wig.

Miley has an older brother named Jackson, and her best friends are Lilly and Oliver.

0:11... Hannah is in a shoe shop (this is the expostion part), and spots a pair of shoes that she wants for Lilly's birthday present--but Tyra Banks also wants them. So they have a fight in the store... and the skeezy reporter gets the footage. And Miley is freaking out now because she's dressed like Hannah, but can't show up to the party looking like Hannah. But she can't get out of the car looking like Miley.

0:13... Just know that Lilly, who is turning 16 at this part--which makes me feel skeezy now--loves her BFF Miley, but sometimes not so much Hannah. So when Hannah Montana shows up, everyone suddenly ignores Lilly on her own birthday... and runs to Hannah. You girls are so sensative. And now she sings, "Let's Get Crazy".

I hate that I know this song, but I do. The Happiest Place int he Mall has it on their video screen, along with among other things, "The Climb", which I'll get to later. I hear "Let's Get Crazy" (and "The Climb") about two to three times an hour, eight hours per day, five to six days per week. That's a lot of Crazy Climbin'.

0:18... Oh, the troubles of Miley Stewart. Robbie Ray is furious! Her and Tyra's fight is on the front page of every paper (cause that makes the news nowadays), plus she missed her brother's going-away to Tennessee University (Really? The U of T wouldn't sign off on using their name?) and has now humiliated her bestie, Lilly. And now she wants to go to New York City and miss her grandma's party... unacceptable!

0:22... They are in the truck, Miley demands it stops, she gets out, pouts, a horse takes off her wig and its revealed that this was her horse as a kid--Blue Jeans? The horse bucks her off, and enter... the love interest.

Just a note... this movie is registering a 3.1 out of 10 on the IMDB movie scale rankings.

Travis Brody is his name. He's played by Lucas Till... sheesh, this kid was born in 1990. I was heading into the 9th grade. But, he was born on August 10th--my own birthday, so rock on.

0:26... If I had a nickel for every time I walked into The Cabana and saw Rascal Flatts sitting and jamming, I'd be a rich man. Miley's grandmom reminds me of my own mom, especially when she places an oversized collectable Elvis plate on the wall, next to her collection that includes George Jones, Dolly Parton and Ernest Tubb.

0:29... There's a black dude in the living room. How did that happen?

0:30... Robbie Ray spots a good looking woman in the parlor (he's single, by the way) and goes to talk to her, ends up getting flustered and knocks into the cabinet with all the plates on it. Hilarity ensues.

0:32... If I had a nickel for every time Rascal Flatts was randomly on my porch, crooning out a soft ballad, I'd add it to my Rascal Flatts in the Living Room Jammin nickels and I'd be even richer.

0:33... She is in her overalls and plaid shirt, which looks familiar. We sold the doll of her in this outfit, along with a pony, at The Happiest Place in the Mall. Regularly $29.50, but it went down to $19.99, then you could take an extra 40% off. Miley is swinging from a rope, tossing out chicken feed. Hilarity ensues.

0:35... Miley's grandmom sounds like my mom. "How come you don't visit me more often?" They are out shopping, and Miley displays her attitude. So Grandmom throws down, "Look missy, you may be Hannah Montana in New York, but here its just boots and britches."

0:36... Jackson, Miley's brother, is working at the local zoo. He has to feed the alligators. The camera pans to the bum, you see the snapping jaws. Hilarity ensues.

0:39... The skeezy reporter is in the country town, looking for Hannah Montana. Miley sees him. She switches the mild and hot pepper bowls. Skeezy reporter tastes the hot pepper bowl. Hilarity ensues.

0:42... There's another subplot about a rich developer in town that wants to buy off land and put in a mall. It has to be more than just one scene, because Barry Bostwick is playing the developer. Also, the skeezy reporter gets directions to Hannah Montana's country home, directions given by Miley Stewart and Grandmom, which puts the skeezy reporter in a mud puddle in the middle of the woods. Hilarity ensues.

Barry Bostwick sounds like one of those potetially legendary actors because his name sounds regal, and familiar, and you feel like he's been around forever and must have been in some big movies in his day, you just can't think of any. Really, though, in surfing his IMDB page, he hasn't done much to speak of.


You've seen this guy, right? Right?

0:44... You know, Miley Cyrus has a weird smile. Like, her teeth are odd. And there's like, 7 inches of gum above the teeth. I mean, I guess she's pretty enough for a 16 year old, but I'd put up Courtney Maddox over Miley Cyrus any day.

0:46... Travis the Love Interest tells her "life's a climb". I feel a song coming on. Now, he takes her on a ride through the country, so we get a Hannah song, or a Miley song--I don't know who gets the credit for it--over a Miley rediscovering her roots montage.

Okay, so I predict she won't want to leave, eventually she will with a promise that she won't forget who she is, and the skeezy reporter discovers the Miley/Hannah secret, but agrees not to tell, in exchange for some autographs for his daughters who are in a convent in England.

0:47... There's a benefit for Crowley Corner (the name of the town we're in) to save it from the developers. Robbie Ray is singing... holy crap, I would give anything--ENN-EE-THING--for him to start singing, "You can tell the world you never was my girl, you can burn my clothes when I'm gone..."

It starts out black screened, but give it a second. The joy awaits. By the way, the fancy footwork around the 3:48 mark--I totally could do that in 1992. Seriously.

0:48... Taylor Swift? Where'd she come from? Lucky she has appeared to sing a ballad, so that Miley and Travis the Love Interest can slow dance! And it gives Robbie Ray a chance to slow dance with Lorelai, the love interest of his own.

By the way, the chick playing Lorelai is Melora Hardin. You may not recognize the name, but the body of work is arguably better than Barry Bostwick's. She also played the principal in "17 Again", but I didn't really notice as I was too busy crushin' on Leslie Mann.



0:52... Miley gets tossed onto the stage, and she says she's going to add a little "hip hop to this hoedown". Boom boom clap, boom de clap de clap. Its "Hoedown Throwdown", which is not just a WWE Diva's Match... its a dance song.

Okay, okay, I admit it... I like this song. Its stupid fun. I barely know any of the words, but I still get a kick out of it. When it played at The Happiest Place in the Mall, there were little girls AND adults--mostly women, but a few boys and guys--that I would notice singing along under their breath. Hilarity ensued.



0:54... Oh dear... the skeezy reporter just came in! AND the developer comes in... and Barry Bostwick and Grandmom have it out... Barry Bostwick tells them that they have no chance of saving this town! And Travis the Love Interest says, "Miley knows Hannah Montana... maybe should could give us a benefit concert."

Oh, this could be bad, folks! This could be terrible!

0:57... Vanessa Williams and Lilly have both arrived. Miley and Lilly say their apologies and all, and suddenly, Lorelai walks in! Lilly puts on the wig, gets under a blanket and Lorelai thinks she's talking to Hannah Montana! Hilarity! Its ensuing!

1:02... Miley, figuring she's getting nowhere with Travis the Love Interest, gets Hannah'd up. Because when Miley Stewart tosses on a blond wig and becomes Hannah Montana, she looks COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

1:06... Oh no! Hannah promised Lorelai she'd make an appearance at the mayoral (the black dude, by the way) luncheon, but agreed on a date with Travis the Love Interest, who is awaiting Miley across the street... and we can see where this is going. The classic "be one person here, change quickly, be someone else, run back and be the first person, change quickly..." bit.

1:09... Mayor Token is serving lobster. Hannah, and Lilly, have trouble eating the lobster. Jackson has a ferret in his pocket. On both counts, hilarity ensues.

1:12... After all this, I actually kinda feel bad about Travis the Love Interest. If The Lovely Steph Leann were watching this, she'd say, "aww... poor Travis the Love Interest!" and have a pouty look on her face. The ferret just bit Mayor Token on the leg. The ensuing hilarity is hilarious.

1:14... The slow music kicks in, Travis the Love Interest walks away with that "you lied to me, you been makin' fun of me" conversation. Once again, the chick screws it up. Sigh. And now comes the part where she doesn't know if she can do this anymore. And somehow, Shannon Compton makes it into the movie as the girl who keeps seeing Hannah/Miley run past.

1:16... Robbie Ray and Lorelai have a falling out because of whats going on. Miley breaks down. I know he had his own show, "Doc", but really, Billy Ray Cyrus is a terrible actor. I mean, terrible. I know there aren't many Oscar winning performances in this film, but Miley Cyrus and Emily Osment can hold their own.. but Billy Ray is not one to be remembered.

1:18... Obiligatory father/daughter duet between Miley and Billy Ray. Did you know her real name is Hope Destiny Cyrus, but when she became famous as Miley Stewart in the show "Hannah Montana", she changed her name for real to Miley?

1:22... Time for the concert! Grandmom gives Miley a bracelet owned by her mom (who... died in a car crash? Unsure). Cut to Travis the Love Interest, and we see that maybe he is having second thoughts about ditching Miley... hmm...

1:24... Where is skeezy reporter guy? Right in the middle of "Rock Star", she stops singing... uh oh... is this the reveal? Is this where the secret comes out? She pulls off the wig! The crowd gasps! Lorelai looks over at Robbie Ray with a "Oh no! You weren't just being a jerk!" and he looks back in a "See, I told you, woman!" Mayor Token looks taken aback.

1:28... Lilly looks completely bored. The only person who looks happy with this entire turn of events is Travis the Love Interest... so essentially, she's thrown away her lifetime of secrecy and stardom for a dude she met a week or so ago. And here comes... "The Climb".

Holy crap I'm tired of this song. I mean, like, really. Cast Members at The Happiest Place in the Mall tell me they love it, they can't get enough of it, but me? I've heard it--and this is not an exaggeration--at least 100 or more times in its entirety. If you count a verse here or a chorus there as I'm walking through the store going or coming from backstage, I'd put it at over 200. Seriously. No more climbs.

1:30... So, the only part of the movie that actually makes me laugh out loud just happened... Miley is singing, and they cut to Robbie Ray, who has his hand in the air, hand making a "Number 1" gesture with his index finger pointed up, moving it up and down, back and forth, eyes closed, head bobbing. He looks ridiculous. And I laughed really hard just then.


I'm old enough to remember when Billy Ray's mulletopia he had going on was a glory to behold. I mean, it was majestic.

There is a good chance this song will get nominated not only for a Golden Globe but for an Academy Award. Think about it. Bono and U2 were nominated a few years back, but lost. That means that Three 6 Mafia and Miley Cyrus would have Oscars, but Bono would not. Mikey just kicked a small child.

1:32... Its good that in a small country town like Crowley Corners, they had a full set of violin players to play, on the off chance that Hannah pulls her wig off and sings a soft ballad as Miley, requiring violin strings.

1:33... Shannon Compton, in the audience, asks for Hannah. They all promise to keep her secret. So, on goes the wig. Skeezy reporter shows up, takes a photo and runs away... but here comes skeezy reporters daughters! Vanessa Williams had them flown over! Skeezy reporter tells his editor off, quits his job and agrees to keep the secret for his daughters getting some pics and front row seats.

Told ya.


Speaking of Vanessa Williams, this is an excellent album. Everyone knows "Save the Best For Last", but "Dreamin'" and "Runnin' Back to You" are fantastic R&B anthems.

1:35... Travis the Love Interest catches up with her. Finally, they kiss. Robbie Ray and Lorelai kiss. The money needed to save Crowley Meadows is raised! Lilly finds her a cowboy! Vanessa L. Williams enjoys cotton candy!

1:37... The end. This was a pretty terrible movie. Seriously.

The Six Milk Rotation (a Starbucks tale)

On Facebook? Become a fan of the blog by searching "Clouds in My Coffee" and then join. If you do it by midnight tonight, then get 10 of your friends to do it, great things will happen to you. I know this guy who won the lottery, all because he joined. I know another guy who refused, and he died. Don't be the second guy. Be that first guy. Join "Clouds". Its like winning the blog lottery.

Gotta tell ya, I'm pretty tired. I'm giving myself about 30 minutes to blog out what I wanted to say, then I'm going to go up to my darkened bedroom (due to the cloudy skies outside) and take a two hour nap, so I can recharge before zipping off at The Happiest Place in the Mall.

My b'day weekend was great, and I'll probably talk about that on Thursday or Friday, when I have some free time, and though I worked all day Sunday and Monday (my actual birthday--and 816pm is my actual birth minute, if you must know, though that's Central time, as it was 916pm on Orlando on that fateful day long ago), it was still a good weekend. Monday night, The Lovely Steph Leann and I invited over two of our besties...

...by the way, I think the word "besties" is one of the most ridiculous, silliest words I've ever heard. I mean, "BFF" is bad enough, but "besties"? So, because I think its so stupid, I use it liberally now. Of course.

...James and Jessica Hawbaker, winners of the 2008 Hannah Pruitt Cool Award on this very blog. We grilled out Omaha steaks, had baked potatoes, some Milo's tea and after dinner, we just sat and chatted for a while, like friends who don't get to see each other are wont to do, this time over 2 day old, yet still delicious, birthday cake and ice cream.

And as I cuddled up next to The Lovely Steph Leann later that evening, falling asleep, I was bracing myself for the whirlwind that would be the next three days. I woke up at 420am, rolled out of bed, dressed, brushed my teeth and left The Cabana around 445am to head to Starbucks. I left there around 1040am, got home, made some lunch, rested for a few minutes, did my email and such, took a long, hot shower and was at The Happiest Place in the Mall by 130pm.

Left The Happiest Place in the Mall around 1010p, got home around 1030p, crawled into bed around 1115p, then was up again around 420p. And back at Starbucks by 5a, getting off about a half an hour ago. Later, this time at a request time of 3 instead of 130, I'll be back at The Happiest Place in the Mall until at least 10pm, only to get home, go to bed and be back there by 830 in the morning. If I can last until tomorrow around 5pm, I've got 3 days off. And I'm smiling to myself, thinking of how I'm probably going to turn my phone off on Thursday night and sleep on Friday until my eyes cannot possibly stay shut any longer... I say that, but I'll be up by 930 or 10, just cause as I get older, I don't like wasting my days off... that's not to say I don't want to sleep, or like to sleep, because I do, but I do want to do other stuff. Important stuff. Like watch WWE: Raw on DVR, or sort through The DFC, or organize my Disney pins or sit and surf the interweb for hours on end with no real purpose... you know, vital things to do.

Anyway, we were busy this morning at Starbucks... really busy. Early busy. That's not atypical for a Starbucks sitting along the busiest highway in the state of Alabama, that being Hwy 280, but at the same time, it can be stressful.

Let's be clear... I'm good at some things, I'm not so good at others. I excel in certain areas, and I fail in many others to the point of not even trying. Making drinks when its busy? I'm good. I'm very, very good.

As much as Starbucks would like to have every store uniform, every drink the same at every store, its just not possible. There are too many people who all make drinks for it to be the same--thats not to say the recipe changes, as it doesn't. A grande caramel macchiato recipe is simply 3 pumps of vanilla syrup, steamed milk to about an inch below the cup line, layer it with about an 1/2 inch of foam, pour your shots atop the milk and put a caramel syrup crosshatch on top. Lid it, pass it out. But I'll bet anything that my caramel macchiato would taste slightly different than the one that Lil Sister Ashley makes. And this isn't to say its a bad thing--sometimes people prefer certain baristas make their drinks, cause they just know how much of what to put in there. A half pump difference here, a fourth scoop of foam less there, and you've got a slightly different tasting drink.

To that end, everyone sets their bar up different too. Most baristas I know, and I'm included in this category, want their bar set up a certain way. Me? For slower times, I've got an gallon of nonfat milk and a gallon of 2% milk on the ready. My thermometers are in one single pitcher off to the side, along with my pouring spoon and my stirring spoon. Two rags sit under the machines, one for wiping the steam wands, the other for wiping the front of the counter, lest I spill some milk. Since I work in front of two espresso machines, I have four glass shot glasses, two on each side, turned upside down, side-by-side, ready to be grabbed at a moments notice. Under the machines, in the fridge, I've got a nice stash of apple juice, whole milk, soy, signature hot chocolate, berry chai and other fun things. One addition I've recently made is having a sleeve of grande hot lids tucked away, but within arms reach, for when (not if) I run low during a rush.

When we get busy? Its imperative to have some sort of organization. I typically will use the slower time to prep and stock and get ready for the busier times, those times when you have seven cups lined up down the side, and one is a a venti very dry cappuccino (you probably will have to steam some new milk just to have the foam available) and another is a grande no water soy chai (not hard, but now you have to steam soy) and another is a Caramel Apple Spice (once again, having to steam apple juice) and another is a regular nonfat latte, but with five shots, taking up valuable time at your bar...

Milk is essential. The best and fastest way to get behind in a rush, the quickest way to get all out of whack is to not have enough milk steamed. Espresso shots by themselves only last around 10 seconds before they become dark and bitter, so if you don't get some milk or water on them, your drink is altered. Its a terrible, terrible thing to have four cups in front of you, each with shots in them, some with syrup, and just waiting on milk to steam.

When the rush hits, I start out with my Four Milk Rotation. I have two pitchers labeled 2%, two pitchers labeled nonfat. Off to the side, I have a pitcher labeled "Half-N-Half", one labeled "Soy", one labeled "whole milk" and two pitchers with no labels at all. And ready at the call is another pitcher of nonfat, and another pitcher of 2%. I keep steaming milk constantly. I typically press the "X-Hot" button, just to give it a few extra minutes of life, though its never enough to make a drink undrinkable. Even when I've cleared out the drinks in front of me, I will steam more milk, and have all four pitchers with fresh milk, ready to pour.

And one some mornings, like today, I call in the reserves... and go to the Six Milk Rotation. Three pitchers of nonfat, three pitchers of 2%, continally steamed. I only have four thermometers to work with, so I would put one in 2 of each milks. When I steamed a new pitcher of milk, I moved it to the back of the line. As the pitcher in front emptied, I refill it with cold milk, steam it, move the other two to the front, and put the thermometer in the next pitcher. When the new pitcher finishes steaming, I put it in the back, and grab the milk in front for pouring.

Several times I had three and four venti drinks in a row, so it wasn't uncommon to use up two pitchers of nonfat milk at one time, then have to steam two more. This morning I probably went through about 12 gallons of milk, just filling a pitcher, steaming, pouring up a latte, filling a pitcher, steaming, pouring a misto, filling a pitcher, and so on and so on. Each thermometer has a red area on it, and when the needle drops out of that red area, you have to pour the milk out, as its now "out of temp"... this only happened twice in three hours. When you are on a Six Milk Rotation, there's very little chance of wasted milk...

I did spill a pitcher of milk, though. It was kinda comical, as it was early, and I was still waking up. The music overhead was whimsical, not quite "The Entertainer" but along those lines, and I almost felt like if the music were loud enough, watching me would be like one of those Chaplin old silent films with the music synced with all the pratfalls and hi-jinks. And then I knocked over a pitcher filled with cold, nonfat milk. And the song that started playing overhead? "I Fall to Pieces" by Patsy Cline. Fitting.

I'm not nearly the greatest barista, I'm sure there are many, many more ahead of me. But I do know there are many, many, MANY more behind me, if only for the fact I've got close to seven years of Starbucks bar experience, enough time to have seen the changes in the way we do things, learning things that we weren't supposed to do are now things that we have to do, and finding out things we based our learning on were wrong, and we have to change it now... such is Starbucks life.

Just like baristas want their bar set up a certain way, most are territorial when we get busy. As in, "give me the drinks, let me do them, if I need your help, I'll tell you." And really, most of the time its easier to just do the drinks you need to do, than to explain to someone else. So, when you see a barista behind the counter and there is a line of drinks, remember... it might be helpful for someone else to walk up and start making drinks with them. Or it might be hurtful, as the barista at the bar would be forced to say something like, "okay, I've already put the splenda in those two, but not in the grande mocha, which needs another pump of toffee nut because the bottle ran out, and there's a venti misto, but they want it half-caf, and since we are still brewing the decaf, I don't have it in there yet, and I'm steaming the soy for that, and for this chai with no water and oh, can you add equals to that venti misto there that needs the decaf which is almost finished brewing..."

You know what. Back up. Back off. Let me do it. When I need some help, I'll say, "Fellow barista, could you assist me?" You'll get your drinks quickly enough--another person adds another minute to your wait time, I promise.

Finally, rushs are great. Line the cups up, there is a line at the counter, the drive-thru is backed up, your pumping vanilla syrup as fast as that plastic pump will spit it out, and the white mocha is flowing hot and heavy and the pitchers are in full Six Milk Rotation (I seriously had an Eight Milk Rotation once--holy crap) and there is chai on your apron and your finger has cinnamon dolce syrup on it and people are hollering to each other, "Hey, I need the Pike Place" and "Can you get me a blueberry muffin for the DT?" and "Please run back and grab some more milk" and so on... its awesome.

And when its over, I always think of one thing... I'm Triple H and I lean over the rush we just had, and say, "Rush, you can't see me!". Then I do the move that says, "I just killed it." I never do the full move, as it might be kinda rude, but you'll see me sometimes do a slight, quick hand cross up and out in front of me.

Then I walk away. Cause (courtesy of The Miz) I'm Dave. And I'm awesome (too bad you can't see my arms outstretched).

And now? I'm going to enjoy a nap. Cause I'm The Dave... and I'm... Sleeeepppy

Hollipops & Robbers... and a few thoughts

By the way, if you are reading this on Facebook, or get on Facebook on a regular basis... I just started a "Clouds" fan page on FB. I'd love for you to join up. Just search "Clouds In My Coffee" and you'll see it. Really, there is no other reason to join than just to say "Hey, I really like the blog", but it feeds my ego, and really, thats the point.

***Saw "Land of the Lost" the other night, part of "The Dave & Mikey Crappy Movie Series". My thoughts? Eh.

***There's a new movie coming out, one of those that no one I know even is aware of until the previews start showing up. Jeremy Piven is in a flick called "The Goods", high comedy and hijinx on a car dealership. Seriously, though, the first time I saw the preview, I thought it was another gawd-awful remake of a fairly decent 80s flick, this one being "Used Cars", starring Kurt Russell and Jack Warden. "The Goods" might be something I check out with Mikey at the $1 theater in a few weeks.

***Ever watch a show on DVR, and when it goes to commercial, you forget that its DVR, so the commercials just keep playing? I do that all the time. Hence, seeing crappy movie previews.

***So, I'm talking to a guest at The Happiest Place in the Mall, and letting her know that the Ariel dresses we have on our $5.99 rack are the only ones we have left, and that we don't have size 7/8. All we have left is 4 and 10/12. She's unhappy. She's holding a Bolt plush in her hand. She informs me that, with a sigh, she's ready to check out with the other stuff she has. What does she do? In front of me, she places Bolt on the table of t-shirts. Mind you, I'm standing so close to Plush Mountain that if I threw my leg back, I'd kick it. Which means all she had to do was toss the animal about four feet. But, perhaps it looked better on the shirt. Happy times.

***Working with Hollipop at The Happiest Place in the Mall, and poor girl--her home was broken into. The thieves swiped a bunch of stuff, like guns, tvs, electronics, jewelry and more. And you know what they figured out? Hollipop had announced their vacation on her Facebook page... and someone who is one of her "friends" did it. Similar to Hannah Pruitt Award Winners Jessica and James Hawbaker, who had their home (and later their car) broken into, though that was more of a result of the crappy apartment complex, not Facebook. Check out her brilliant thoughts on the subject.

I kinda wish "friends" could be broken into three catagories... "Friends", which are just that. "Acquaintances", which are those people you are friendly toward, but you never see or talk to them, for one reason or another. And then, finally, "Yeah, I Kinda Know You and Somehow Feel It Important To Keep You Around". Perhaps the maximum on the latter catagory should be like, 50 or something. Cause really, do you need more than 50 people you barely know? Yeah, yeah, pot kettle black.

Anyway, back to the story--Hollipop's thieves probably fell into that last catagory. So let that be a warning too you... be careful of your FB friends, and don't put stuff like "Hey, we'll be on vacation, so come rob us!" on your status.

***Late last night, I put in "The Pelican Brief", starring Julia Roberts and Denzel Washington. Its a movie I bought at Wal-Mart for $5, a movie that I rather enjoy. Its re-watchability factor is high, and since I'm about a 1/3 of the way through re-reading the book, I figured I'd watch the adaptation.

It gets to the part around the middle of the movie, when Darby Shaw explains the actual brief, discussing the assassinations of Supreme Court Justices Rosenberg and Jensen, and as that scene ends, the movie just stops. Completely. It goes not to the menu, but to the opening "SONY BLU-RAY" screen that you see when you first turn the machine on.

Bewildered, I open the disc player and look at the disc. This is a movie that I've owned for over a year, but actually pulled the plastic off of about, I dunno, 30 seconds before I put it in. I mean, it was a $5 movie from Wal-Mart, but really, its brand spankin' new... could it be scratched?

I then figure it out. I have to flip the disc over. In the year 2009, I actually haveto flip over the DVD to watch the rest of the movie. I chuckle and remember the joys of laserdiscs. I flipped it over, watch three minutes of it, then went to bed. Much easier.

***I found this site online--and don't ask me to link to it, because I don't remember what it was. Anyway, it allowed you to import your blog and print it in book form. So, just for kicks and giggles, I imported Clouds In My Coffee. It was supposed to take about 30 seconds to import, but instead, it took about 10 minutes--I had opted to import the entire blog. And when it was done, I was previewing a softcover book entitled "Clouds in My Coffee", weighing in at about 1400 pages. The index alone was 24 pages... Mind you, this wasn't "each column starts a new page", this was one column after another. Pictures and all. And it could be mine for the low, low price of only $524.88. I elected to cancel. It did leave me feeling like I accomplished something.

The 100 Coolest Things of 2008... 40 thru 31

Tell me what this Clouds in My Coffee junk is about... Click here to find out what the heck this is all about.

The Introduction and Recap
The 100th thru 91st Coolest Things of 2008
The 90th thru 81st Coolest Things of 2008
The 80th thru 71st Coolest Things of 2008
The 70th thru 61st Coolest Things of 2008
The 60th thru 51st Coolest Things of 2008
The 50th thru 41st Coolest Things of 2008

40. "Bolt"
I'd been seeing the previews for this movie for a while--Bolt was a television dog, owned by Penny, who somehow is abandoned, or gets out of the studio lot or whatever. He seeks to find his owner, and ends up being accompanied by Mittens the cat and Rhino the hamster. The fact that it was in 3-D made it even better.

After working a while at The Happiest Place in the Mall, the anticipation was even higher, as I saw the preview twice an hour, up to eight hours per day. It seemed like it would be a pretty good film, with the voices of John Travolta (Bolt) and Miley Cyrus (Penny), but the scene stealer appeared to be Rhino, the hamster in the ball who was nothing but a fanboy and Bolt geek.



I laughed, lots. It was well written, well done, and really, it was just a fun movie. Would easily watch it again--looks to be on DVD and Blu-Ray in the Spring (April, maybe) and will pick up... and I recommend you do the same.

39. Getting a Blu-Ray Player
Speaking of "Bolt" on Blu-Ray... we wouldn't be getting it on Blu-Ray if we didn't have a Blu-Ray player, which we do now. The day after Thanksgiving, after spending Black Friday at The Happiest Place in the Mall from 1am to 10am, I ambled on over to Best Buy. Dreary eyed, blurry sighted, foggy brained, I was looking for a Blu-Ray.

The Lovely Steph Leann and I had already discussed it, of course... we had a limit, and the goal was to find one that came under--hopefully well under. And what better place to find one than Best Buy, what better time than the day after Thankgiving. I found our Sony Blu-Ray with all the bells and whistles, upgradable software and BD Live capabilities for just around $200.

And I'm watching the 8th episode of LOST on it right now.

38. The Chipotle Mexican Grill
I had first eaten at a Chipotle around the mall--at the old place, The Casa de Pesos, we lived very close to it, and one day, decided to give it a whirl. Fantastic food, by the way. Had the tacos, with meat and cheese only, topped with sour cream, soft shell please.

When we moved to The Cabana, across town, we moved away from the Chipotle. So, imagine my wonder and happiness when, right across 280, perhaps a mile (if that) from where The Cabana sits, they turned an old Captain D's that had closed down into a Chipotle Mexican Grill. For their "grand pre-opening", they were giving away free food to anyone and everyone for two straight days.

I had Chipotle for lunch, then dinner, then lunch, then dinner. And it rocked.

In fact, The Lovely Steph Leann just came in, and asked me what I wanted for dinner. I think I know the answer.

(That last sentence was written about an hour ago. In the time between typing "...know the answer" and "That last sentence...", We went to Target to get some groceries, then ended up at Chipotle Mexican Grill. The music overhead was some strange tune I'd never heard, sounding like a Mexican Beck. Beckez? Becko? Anyway, I usually go for the chicken soft tacos, tonight I was daring and did the carnitas. Not a fan.)

37. ESPN's The Sports Guy
His name is Bill Simmons, and he used to write as "The Boston Sports Guy" before he was incorporated into the wide band of ESPN columnists. He's actually been there for 9 years, and I think I've been reading him for just that long, even back on ESPN's old site and his first book is just great. And The Sports Guy just gets better with age.

He's funny, he's irreverent, and he does what most columnists do not--keeps politics out. Granted, he's made illusions to not necessarily being a fan of Dubya (but then again, neither is Brad Latta. Or NYC Jenny. Or J Rob. But I love ya, Dubya) but he's never let that really intrude on his topics, nor does he ever make that the focal point. No, his topics range from the Celtics (his NBA team who won a title) to the Red Sox (his MLB team) to the Patriots (his NFL team) to favorite movies to whatever else happens in pop culture. Its also no secret that sometimes I borrow phrases from him here and there.

One of the great things this year too, though, was the B.S. Report with Bill Simmons, the ESPN Podcast... just like his columns, he'd have great shows discussing all the aforementioned topics, but this time he's also got guests with him--Chuck Klosterberg, Michael Lombardi, Cris Collingsworth, NBA Commissioner David Stern, SNL star Seth Myers and so on.

36. "Moratorium" by Alanis Morissette
I've never been this accountable-less and within
I've never known focuslessness on any form
I've never had this lack of ache for dalliance
To let go and let god in ways I have never even imagined

I declare a moratorium on things relationship
I declare a respite from the toils of liaison
I do need a breather from the flavors of entanglement
I declare a full time out from all things commitment

I've never let my grasp soften fingers like this
I've never been careless other... less like autonomy's twin

From the album "Flavors of Entanglement", the excellent newest release from Alanis Morissette, and one of my favorite songs of the year.

35. Dr. Earl does Dinner Theater
Got a buddy of mine who is a doctor, we like to call him Dr. Earl. Well, the Good Doctor has come along in his acting performances over the years, joining Impact, the adult drama team for Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), and this year, he was cast as "Gabriel", in the modern retelling of the story of the birth of Jesus.


The Good Doctor and Yours Truly over Christmas

The Good Doctor had the majority of the lines, and was in about 90% of the entire show... don't get me wrong, Rhett Barnette (Joseph) and Lisa Whaley-Bowen-Whaley-Owens (Mary) were great, and those who had smaller parts were great too, but for my money, The Good Doctor Earl stole the show. Good job, Earl. Good job.

34. McQ Writes a Book
Got another friend of mine, McQ, who runs the Strength In the Struggle blog. She is alot like me, as in, she likes to write alot. McQ is funny, she's got a contageous laugh and now... she's an author.

She started working on this book early in the year... well, I take that back--she's been working on the book for years and years, but she started compiling her writings to turn into a book. Taking the title from her blog, she calls it "Strength in the Struggle" (you can also order the book from this site) and its a pretty good selection of writings. The photography is also taken by McQ from her adventures around the country and is excellent.

Mostly, though, what's cool about it is that she's achieved a dream that not too many people can say they have done... published a book. Self publishing is something I've already considered.

33. "Role Models"
Here's what I wrote on December 17th...

As a follower of Christ, we are bound by the law of what is good and what is right, as listed in the Word of God, telling us be careful what we see and what he hear, be cautious of what we put before our eyes and in our hearts. I say this to head off anyone telling me this exact thing, Amy McL, because I have to say, for me...

...this movie was absolutely hysterical. I mean, unbelievably funny, to the point I was cracking up every few minutes. The plot is a little contrived--two guys get into trouble and are sentenced to work with some troubled kids at a center. Of course, it goes without saying, the ending will be that, though they hate the kids at first, they end up loving the kids, and the kids, though hating the two guys, end up loving the two guys. Duh. That's how movies like this are supposed to end.

That being said, this movie is driven by Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott, two extremely funny and talented guys. Their timing and delivery of what might be unfunny dialogue turn this from cliche to completely a riot. I like Paul Rudd anyway, for his work in the little-seen-but-very-funny "Wet Hot American Summer" (directed by David Wain, as is "Role Models"), the slightly overrated "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy" and of course, my 91st Favorite Movie of All Time. Seann William Scott, who will forever be known as Stifler, is also emerging as a great go to guy for silly, stupid comedy, and in the case of genius like "The Rundown" (also on The Dave100), smart, sharp comedy.

Anyway, if "Superbad" offended you, or "Knocked Up" got under your craw, stay away from "Role Models". Its got language, its got unnecessary boobage and its got boy potty humor... but man, its funny. And its great to watch Fogell emerge as a decent actor.

Thinking back on the movie, and all it contained... I still feel the same way.

32. Brad Latta
The Lattas have turned into quite a large group... the youngest, Scott, one of The 100 Coolest Things of 2007, is about to get married to his love, Jessica (Scott says, "That should rank among the Top 20 Coolest Things of 2008, right?") in April, while Matt and his dear sweet Ginger made the Top 100 Coolest of 2006 (or at least, Baby Ashlyn did), so I figured it was about time that eldest brother Brad found his way amongst the blog.

I call him the Clouds Ombudsman, as he likes to give many times a different viewpoint on what I have to say here... and this was a good year for it--the election gave plenty of debating material for sure. He's not a fan of the former president and isn't exactly a huge supporter with the current one, and his law background gives him good insight on what is and is not concerning many, many topics, including politics and even Constitutional law.

Every now and again, when I know I've written something perhaps a little controversial, or tossed out a viewpoint that I know will be unpopular, I cringe thinking of how Brad will respond--then I look forward to it. If there were such a thing as "Coffee Drinker of the Year", he'd be nominated.

31. The Apple Store
Early in December, my iPod started dying. Wouldn't hold a charge, had to plug it in to the computer or the wall to listen it, and so on, and I had to take it to the Apple Store... here's what I wrote on December 3rd:

Adam the Apple Guy called for me, and I told him of my ills. He was impressed that my iPod battery had lasted almost 4 years (March would make it 4, methinks) and I told him how bummed I was that I was going to be without it for a few weeks.

Adam the Apple Guy said, "Well, that might not happen. If we have them in stock, we can give you a refurbished one, just trade them out. The battery and casing will be new, the hardware will be refurbished. Is that a solution?"

You mean I can walk out with this thing tonight? All bright and shiny? Heck yeah!

Adam the Apple Guy even did the registration online for me, with the new serial number and everything. And the price? Not the $80 or 90 I was planning on... but it was $59.99, plus tax. Total cost? $64.20. Love it.

I'm a PC guy, and will be one for a while, mostly because I can't afford to be an Apple guy... but their customer service? Primo fantastico. Those guys rocked that night.

Note on the Pruitt Cool Awards
After further consideration, I have decided to award only one of these per year... I had 3 more recepients in mind, but I am going to wait. This should be more of a "lifetime achievement of coolness" award... so, James & Jessica Hawbaker will remain the sole Pruitt Award for Coolness winners... until 2009.

Coming soon... we dive into the 30 Coolest Things of 2008, with some Rhett, Rick, Rush and "Hey! I read your blog!"

The 100 Coolest Things of 2008... 80 thru 71 (plus a Pruitt Award!)

NOTE: If you are reading this on facebook, click here to see the videos (they will not appear in facebook notes)

Are you new to the blog? Click here to find out what the heck this is all about. And we'll continue our annual list of the Top 100 Coolest Things of 2008...

The Introduction and Recap
The 100th thru 91st Coolest Things of 2008
The 90th thru 81st Coolest Things of 2008

80. My Backpack
Cheap (on sale, plus my discount). Functional. Fun.



Best. Backpack. Ever.

79. Chicago Dan
Dan Gerber is a very good friend of Tyler Campbell, the self proclaimed "Sexy Beast" of the Clouds in My Coffee Blog. Don't ask me.

Anyway, I met Dan, or "Chicago Dan" as we call him--he's from... Chicago...--several months ago when he came with Tyler back home for a Sunday lunch, along with some of the other faces I knew. He seemed like a cool enough guy.

Over Thanksgiving, he came with Tyler down to the beach with the family for the Annual Campbell Turkey Week Beach Pilgrimage, as he couldn't go back to Chicago for the week... and he's just a neat guy. Funny, clever, smart as a whip (when I start using phrases like "smart as a whip", how old does this make me? Excuse me, I'm going to take my dentures out) and it was even more funny when they both came with me and The Lovely Steph Leann to go antiquing. Hence the picture below, with Dan (left) and Tyler (right) holding a Swim Ken doll. Ken's trunks change colors when they get wet! The shorts, not Dan and Tyler.



78. "The Incredible Hulk"
Let's pretend that abomination and smear of the good Hulk's name that Ang Lee created years back didn't exist. Let's put it on the shelf with Rocky V, Superman III, Saw II-XXVI, Caddyshack 2, Pearl Harbor, Twilight and all the other movies that should have never been made.

Now that that's done, I have to say I am excited someone has finally brought The Green Goliath the silver screen after all these years. And Edward Norton as Banner is brilliant--he's great in the role, and Liv Tyler as Betty is also great, and is a much better choice than some random chick like, I dunno, Jennifer Connelly. Besides, Connelly won an Oscar. She would never do a "Hulk" movie. (remember, we are pretending the other one doesn't exist). And make sure you watch until after the credits.

For what it was, it was fantastic. Fun, thrilling, not too deep on emotion--let's be honest, the folks want to see The Hulk smash things and blow stuff up. If a random director who should never do something like this, like, I dunno, Ang Lee, he'd be wise to skip the emotional depth. This isn't "BrokeHulk Mountain". HULK CAN'T QUIT BETTY!!!

77. Watching The White Oaks
Got to see the rock band The White Oaks play in May, and it was really, really awesome... some of the highlights include:

• Seeing so many friends there--The Good Doctor Earl, Tommy Mac, Sybil, and of course, Amy Valdmanis
• If there was a Valdmanis Fan Club, I'd be an officer. She's just great. Where all my Valdmaniacs at? Right heh! Right heh! (what am I even talking about?)
• Hanging out with Lil Sister Ashley, which I don't get to do enough
• Seeing Joel Blount, who is awesome
• Meeting Nancy Osborne, who, after I told her gushingly all about The Lovely Steph Leann, she told me gushingly all about her man too
• Of course, the band. The White Oaks are a great band.

You can read the whole thing right here.

76. Manda Laughlin
She was #83 last year, this year she leaps 7 spots. Maybe its because now that she's in college, we relate just a little better, maybe its because we meet at IHOP twice, maybe three times per year to catch up.


Did I tell you she's on a full ride scholarship at Auburn for volleyball, and her serves have been clocked at over 40 miles per hour? Well, its not true, so that's probably why I didn't say anything about it. But it would be cool if it was true, eh?

She's great.

75. The Boston Celtics Win the NBA Championship
My mom was a Boston fan, so when I grew up, I learned to 1) Hate the Lakers and 2) Like the Celtics, necessarily in that order. So, today, I hate the Lakers and like the C's. When Orlando got a team, the Magic, I instantly became a Magic fan, so I've been supporting them since their very first game (a loss to the Nets 111-106) in 1989, and alternately, I've been a Spurs fan--this is because I spent five years in Texas.

The Spurs have been good to me, winning four championships in the last decade or so, but the Magic, not so much. However, since this is about the Celtics, let me say it was very cool to see them take it this year...

Kevin Garnett languished in Minnesota for so long, a team that wasn't willing to spend the money needed to win. So when he was traded to Boston a few years back, adding the third and final piece to a team that already had Paul Pierce and Ray Allen, it was... well, Magic. Not the guy or the team, but magic, the chemistry. And thought they almost were busted by the surprising Atlanta Hawks (who is also building), they fought out the 7 games and went on to knock off The Hated Lakers in the Finals for their 18th title.

I love watching it when guys who deserve championships win championships. Like when Elway won for the Broncos, another pro favorite team that has been very good to me.

74. Taking Back the Mile
I've discussed it before... Elisabeth Malphrus and I borrowed stuff from each other at Troy State. She borrowed my leopard print boxers. I borrowed her Spam t-shirt. Neither one got the other items back, so that makes us both 1 for 1, right? Well, then she goes and borrows all six volumes of "The Green Mile" by Stephen King. When he first wrote the story, he released it as a "seriel novel", publishing one 100ish page part at a time. And Liz borrowed it. Then she never gave it back.

And the original chapters are out of print, you can only buy the full novel in one book. But then, I stumbled across all six parts at a bookstore that The Lovely Steph Leann and I frequent when we go to the beach for Thanksgiving, Books By the Sea. And at only $2 per, I got the whole collection back. So take that, Liz!

73. American Idol
At about 400 posts, I would daresay that 100 of them are either about, or at least discussing American Idol in some form or fashion. And this season was great, much better than the previous... I can't knock Idol, some great stuff has come from that show, like Daughtry (who I can't help but like), Carrie Underwood (both CDs are grrrreat), Kat McPhee (I'm interested in seeing what she does next), Kelly Clarkson (the Idol Original) and of course... PICKLES!!! I love Pickles.

Anyway, last year was a mess. There were some highlights from Jordin Sparks and Blake Lewis, but the fact that Sanjaya lasted as long as he did was a bad, bad thing for the show. So this year, there was much room to improve... and improve they did. Young David Archie, who had more talented at what, 14, than most people do all their lives... The Dreadlocked One, who faded in the stretch, but had some fantastic moments... David Cook, who reminded me so much of Rob Thomas--a guy who looked like he should rock much more than he actually does--that I started calling him that... The Black Julia Stiles, Syesha Mercado, who also had her shining moments... the crazy fer-a-ners, Carly and Michael Johns...

There were some down nights, and as the season wore on, you could tell who wasn't going to make it... The Black Julia Stiles began to falter, KLC stayed on waaaaay too long, The Dreadlocked One was just tired of it, even Carly and Michael, who perhaps went home to early, showed signs that perhaps they wouldn't make it. And it came down to David vs. David, which with only two or three weeks left, you knew that would be the finale. And it was great.

I look forward to blogging about American Idol this year, I look forward to discussing Kara, the new Idol judge with Randy, Paula and Simon, and I look forward to coming up with my own nicknames and trying to predict who might win it all...

Wait, what's that? Did I forget someone? Oh yes... lest we forget...

72. My Next American Idol Brooke White
It's well documented on Clouds of some of my favorites... sweet potato casserole... The Rock... The Goddess... Hootie... and I do love me some Carly Simon. Perhaps that is why I liked her so much. My Next American Idol Brooke White wasn't exceptionally pretty, nay, she seemed almost plain with hints of prettiness and flashes of good-lookedy.


My Next American Idol Brooke White + Carly Simon = Idol Goodyness.

But her voice is so great. I mean, she can't sing everything... she won't be filling in for Courtney Love in a Hole reunion tour (alert! alert! the first time Courtney Love has been mentioned in Clouds, I think!) and she won't be rivaling Alison Krauss in record sales. But she's got this gentle, great, sweet niche voice that, when singing just the right song, sounds wonderful.

71. "Phineas & Ferb"
Who remembers the Animaniacs from the 1990s? Jeff Herring and I would watch the foo' out of that show during breaks at Troy State, I recall. I liked it because while it was a kids cartoon, it also had plenty of jokes for the adults too...

And thats why I enjoy Phineas & Ferb so much. Phineas and Ferb are step-brothers who are always looking for something to do, as the show takes place during summer vacation. So what do they do? Build a roller coaster. Start a rock band. Fly to outer space. Build a drag racer. Whatever.

And Phineas' sister (and Ferb's half-sister) Candice (voiced by Junior Goddess Ashley Tisdale, thanks) does everything she can to get them caught. Along the way, they find a way to sing a new song, entertain their friends and of course, save the day. And the entire episode is worth watching just to hear Ferb speak--he does it once per episode. And its hilarious. If you have The Happiest Channel on Cable (no, not Cinemax, Alan the Facebook Stalker) then check it out, cause its on all the time.

Oh, and did I mention they have a pet platypus named Perry, and Perry is actually a secret agent?

The Hannah Pruitt Cool Award
Ya know, there are some things/people/places that just make this 100 Coolest List every year. Is it fair to have them take up coveted spots? I say no. So, this year, I'm bestowing upon four recipients an award named after the coolest person I know, my friend Hannah Pruitt. It's The Pruitt Cool Award.

For the record... now that Hannah Pruitt has her own award, I'm totally changing the name of the iPod playlist. I don't want Hannah overkill. Oh, and congrats to Hannah and John on their 4th year of wedding bliss this past week. It can be tough, believe me, when you've been married as long as The Lovely Steph Leann and I have (five years in February) we know it can be a challenge.

Our first recepient...
They are two of my favorite people in the whole wide world. She's trying to desperately finish school at Southeastern Bible College, he's some sort of engineer and brilliant. One of my first cool moments with them include:

Sitting at the home of Ross Robinson, in one of our first "Newlywed Class" at Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship), Jessica is sorting her Skittles. James then informs us that she likes to put them in ROY G BIV order. Still one of the funniest things I've ever heard.

James and Jessica Hawbaker are two of our closest friends, and I know that The Lovely Steph Leann holds Jess to somewhat of a BFF status, especially after four years of knowing them... and James? One of the funniest guys I know. I mean, the guy brews his own ale, and can even make his own cheese--how cool is that?


An incredibly cute couple, and totally fulfilling the "made for each other" cliche, I didn't want to post a cutsy picture... I wanted something fun. Like Jessica eating.

So, for being so awesome and so cool, the first recipient of The Pruitt Cool Award is Jessica and James Hawbaker. Consider yourself to have a proverbial spot on The 100 Coolest List every year...

Coming soon... Crappy movies are always good with someone fun...

The 100 Coolest Things of 2008... 90 to 81

If you are seeing this post on Facebook, chances are the videos won't even appear, much less work. Click over to Clouds in My Coffee to see everything.

90. Erin Formerly-Coates-Now-Whitehead.
She's a friend of mine from Troy State University, and now she is residing in Tallahassee, Florida. Granted, we weren't all that close in college, and honestly, its not like we are BFF now, but Facebook makes stronger friends out of former acquaintances, just like in this case. What's cool about her is that she's an army--scratch that, MARINE--wife... she reads the blog frequently, commenting here and there, and is a Conservative--which means she's got some sense...


Erin and myself on the FarmHouse Frat Riverboat Formal in... 1998? I was dating Melanie Jackson at the time so yes, it was 98. Either way, we were awesome. Still are.

Erin sent me this email not too long ago, something she had written entitled "What I Learned From This Deployment". It is a list of 8 hard-earned lessons about being a mom at home, while hubby is away helping defend our country. This is #8, and I don't think she'd mind me sharing.

Erin writes... "Marine Corps wives are some of the strongest people on the planet. Now, I am not saying that other military wives are not strong, but I didn’t spend the past 7 months with Army wives (except every Sunday night on Lifetime) so I can only attest to my Marine Wife Sisters. And they are incredible. They serve their country each and every day, even when their Marine is home. Because when he is gone they of course have to be Mom, Dad, nurse, chauffer, midnight mechanic, lawn maintainer (ok, I don’t do this but many do), housekeeper, cook, therapist, activities director, veterinarian, baker of 4 dozen brownies each month, and they occasionally do have to shower themselves.

Some of them have to bear the children, birth the children and nurse the children all alone. Some of them have fulltime careers. Some of them are full time volunteers. All of them worry on a daily basis and embrace change as a family mantra mandated by the Marine Corps. The are the very best at waiting. Waiting for them to leave, waiting for them to call, waiting for them to return, waiting for the movers, waiting for the orders that will change their lives once again.

When their Marines are home they take great pride in looking their very best when they accompany their Marine to the Birthday Ball to celebrate the rich history, traditions and overwhelming pride of the United States Marine Corps. They stay awake for long hours when their Marine is preparing for that next deployment just to kiss him goodnight. She listens to people criticize the wars that her husband fights in and while she may get furious and express her opinion, she rarely stoops to their level.

She helps her sister wife who is new to this whole Marine Corps thing by listening to her concerns and maybe by telling her when the very best time to shop at the commissary might be. And she also helps her sister wives who are “seasoned” when they are pulling out their hair because after 15 years they just don’t think they can take another minute. She helps to talk them off that ledge, because she knows she might need talking down in 5 minutes. And they do this with pride and strength and grace and courage. They laugh inside when people say “Don’t you just want your husband home?” because they know that as long as there are Marines, they will always be deployed.

Because America loves it’s Marine Corps, they need those Devil Dogs…and we as Marine Wives know why…the rest of the country gets to sleep under the blanket of freedom they help to provide. But we get the great honor of sleeping next to our Marine…even if it is only for a couple months out of every year.

Erin... you truly rock. And actually, upon further reflection, your sacrifice alone, added to your coolness, probably deserves a much higher ranking than 90... but here ya go.

89. Adding Music to the Blog
What a revolutionary idea! Not that a thousand other blogs are any different, but it all came about when I was reading The Angel's blog, and she had a player on hers. I thought, "Darn it, I have got to figure this out", so I did. And thus, in July, the Clouds started singing. Many people have enjoyed it, many people have given their feedback about what's good (and sometimes, what's not so good) each month, and Alan the Facebook Stalker (my very first one!) even told me that he rocked out to my December Christmas Playlist.

And I figure now is as good a time as any to give you the rundown on what's playing this month. I decided to post a list of my most played iPod tunes this past year--all of the following had at least 14 plays--you may say "What? That's not a lot of play time for a song to be at the top of your list" but seriously, remember I have over 10,000 songs on my iPod, in addition to almost a 100 audio books

"Two Tickets to Paradise" by Eddie Money. Don't ask me why, don't ask me how. This song somehow made it to my Hannah Pruitt playlist and it just went from there.

"If I Ever Lose My Faith In You" by Sting. Ever just had a song pop in your head, and you wanted to hear it then and there? That was the case with this one. And I just kept playing it all throughout the year.

"Full Moon" by Brandy. Possibly one of my top 20 favorite songs of all time, though I'm still waiting for someone to explain what "get to crackin' if you like" means. Anyone?

"Running on Empty" by Jackson Browne. Of course, we all think of Forrest Gump when this song comes on, but seriously, it is a great, great song.

"Kiss & Say Goodbye" by The Manhattans. Smooth, cool, adulterous R&B.

"Light in Your Eyes" by Blessid Union of Souls. This song will probably stay up another month, as I'm working updating 2006's "20 Saddest Songs Ever Sung" list, and the playlist will reflect that in February.

"The Story" by Brandi Carlile. We've been over this in one of my most popular postings as of late.

"American Boy" by Estelle, ft Kanye West. One of my favorite new songs of the year.

"I May Hate Myself in the Morning" by Lee Ann Womack. In 2008, I think I really became quite the Lee Ann fan, listening to her previous works and loving it (all but "I Hope You Dance")

"How Can You Mend a Broken Heart" by Al Green. So slow, so cool, so Al Green. I sound like a Time/Life CD Collection commercial.

"Sail On" by Lionel Richie & the Commodores. The Lovely Steph Leann loves this one... Lionel Richie is Universal, of course. He keeps popping up all over, actually.

"Godspeed" by The Dixie Chicks. Now, as noted in my Dixie Chicks essay a week or so ago, this isn't my favorite of theirs. In fact, this one only had about 7 or 8 plays on the iPod--"Tortured Tangled Hearts" had 15. But since Playlist.com didn't have that one, I chose this one to represent.

"Killin' Time" by Clint Black. Just like The Chicks, the real Clint song that had 14 plays, "A Good Run of Bad Luck", wasn't available. So I picked this one. For whatever reason, I went on a Clint Black run for a while, lapping up his music over and over. And for that same reason, that's over now.

"You and I Both" by Jason Mraz. This became one of my favorite songs to sing in the car this year. I've actually come to realize that I kinda like Jason Mraz.

"Your So Vain" by Carly Simon. Naturally.

"Snow (hey oh)" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers. One of the coolest things of 2007, this song continues to be cool. It's addicting.

"Everybody's Talkin'" by Harry Nilsson. Again, falling into the same predicament as Clint Black and The Dixie Chicks, I couldn't find a copy of "I Guess The Lord Must Be In New York City", featured in a Dave100 Top Ten Movie. I picked this one out, though I really wish the other had been there.

"Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak. This one caught me off guard. At the end of the year, I opened up iTunes and clicked on "play count". Eddie Money was on top, tied with Sting with 17 plays each. There was Nilsson, and the Chili Peppers, and Clint Black and a few others and then... Chris Isaak? Seriously? Yep. Fourteen times I've listened to Chris wail about not wanting to fall in love. Hottest. Video. Ever.

"Loungin'" by LL Cool J. If the world existed with no The Rock, there's a chance my man-ffections would be geared toward Cool J instead. He's just hot. And cool. And this song rocks, as it did 15 times on my iPod.

88. The Year of the Sharpie
Am I the only one who likes to write everything with a fine point Sharpie? Seriously... on my calendar, I actually use four different colors--red for birthdays & holidays, blue for events, black for The Happiest Place in the Mall schedule and green for my Starbucks shifts--but I've even taken to using them in my journals for church. I love Sharpies.

87. "Shut Up and Sing"
I discussed this last week, but I did feel like it warranted a place in my list. It was just a great, great documentary, so much so that I want to see it again--and I like it because it doesn't excuse The Chicks from anything they did, but treats their response--and its consequences--with respect. Go watch.

86. "Bringing Down the House: The Inside Story of Six MIT Students Who Took Vegas For Millions" by Ben Mezrich
Supposedly a non fiction account, it tells the story of Kevin Lewis, an MIT student who was recruited by a card-counting group to hit casinos and do just that--count cards. Mezrich discusses the rise of the team, how they went and took out one casino after another in Vegas, Atlantic City and even small riverboat locations, and how eventually, they were blacklisted and sometimes treated to some violent efforts to get them to stop.

I say "supposedly a non-fiction account", because its been reported that many of the incidents in the story were either made up, or called under questioning for their accuracy by those who were there, on either side. Whatever did or didn't happen, it makes for a fabulous, quick read.

FYI, this was the basis for the Kevin Spacey movie "21", which I haven 't seen, but apparently has very little to do with the book, other than the card-counting team aspect.

85. Toolbox Hunting With the Boys
Back in June, I got to hang out with Paulie Walnuts, J Rob and Croyle... here's what I wrote:

The plan, originally, was for J Rob to find a used tackle or tool box, but as the afternoon wore on, it was pretty clear that he just wanted an excuse to go out to thrift stores. Perhaps the best one I'd ever seen was on Highway 150, right across from the Wal-Mart shopping center. Very clean, very organized. We somehow visited one in Centerpoint, then another in Centerpoint, which was like a football field full of nothing but crap.

You can read the whole darn affair here, including the crotch rocket guy, in a post entitled "Shania, Obama and Other Randomness". It was quite a fun afternoon...

84. "Roller Coaster Tycoon 3"
Had fun with Roller Coaster Tycoon, had a blast with Roller Coaster Tycoon 2, and so of course, I had to upgrade with Part 3, which is even better. The leap from 2 to 3 is about a billion times better than the 1 to 2 upgrade. The graphics are better, the rides are better, and though I'm just getting started (I've had it for a while, but let's face it, with two jobs, three blog sites, Facebook, The Lovely Steph Leann, the iPod, Lost, CSI, Mindy D'Andrea, Wii Fit, KT, family, laundry and other stuff, who has the time for anything?) I'm excited about it!

What's fun about Tycoon is that I have a few names during each game... I always call The Scrambler "Mikey's Scramble Butt" for Michael Nipp, I usually name a wooden roller coaster "Ashley's Spell" for just that very person, a metal crazy warped roller coaster gets named "The Hawbaker Hellfire" for Jess and James, and the merry-go-round is called "Princess Stephanie's Carousel". Maybe I do have too much free time.

83. Melissa Clark
She is gorgeously hot. She has a good lookin' man. Her children are just about perfect. She joined Facebook and it looks like her family is, or at least looks, perfect. But after all that, she's one of the most down to Earth, friendliest, fun people I know. We are in KidStuf--Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) Children's Theater--together, but she's also the girl who cuts my hair. Her client list is so popular, she has a waiting list to get on it. I'd say in 2008, my hair got much better.


Melissa, sans man, with her two perfect kids. Of course, she'd probably beg me to differ on that...

82. "Kung Fu Panda"
No, we don't have it. So please don't come into The Happiest Place in the Mall asking for Kung Fu Panda stuff. You won't find it.

That being said, this movie was really, really funny. Credit Jack Black for making Po a great character, and the story line for being entertaining.

81. David Cook Performs
American Idol had several good choices this year, including Young David Archuleta, My Next American Idol Brooke White, and the eventual winner, David Cook. He gave very different, very good performances which set him apart from everyone and anyone... one was his take on Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby"--a white rocker guy singing R&B diva Mariah, and pulling it off? Amazing. Another was his version of Lionel Richie's "Hello". Does it always come back to Lionel "Universal" Richie?


His rocked out version of "Hello", with no cheese head sculpture--not saying its better or worse without it...

Of course, nothing can top the performance of the year, which was truly "Billie Jean"... this is one of those that will go down in Idol history as memorable and much loved.


Not as good as Michael Jackson's, but the lack of small boys and Neverland Ranch helps here

Coming soon... Bobowen gets a store, Bret gets a girl and someone gets a Pruitt Cool Award

Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Blog

So, I'm all tired, half awake, half dozing on our comfy leather couches, its all quiet at The Cabana, The Lovely Steph Leann is in the kitchen doing up a dessert for The 38th Annual Nipp New Year's Luncheon tomorrow... I'm even wondering if I'm going to make it to midnight--I cannot remember a New Year's midnight I've missed, but I might miss this one...

...and then...

...I turn on ABC's "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve, featuring Ryan Seacrest". Ryan is looking his American Idol bestiest, and he is standing with some of today's hottest young acts... there's the wonderful Taylor Swift. Her new album is fantastic, her first album is also fantastic, she's going to be great. Behind Ryan there stands Demi Lovato. You'll know her soon enough, if not already, most notably from "Camp Rock", and she's even got her own Disney show coming up.

And then, with Demi and Taylor, to the right of Ryan, are three of the biggest guys in the world, the Jonas Brothers. They are all laughing, and having a great time, as they should with standing on platform in Times Square, minutes before the ball drops.

But who is doing most of the talking? Not Taylor, she's not saying a word, she's just smiling. Not Demi, she's just behind the Jonas Brothers, as if she knows her place right now. Not the Jonas Brothers, though they are jumping in here and there. No, not even Ryan is doing most of the talking.

No, instead, its... Lionel Richie.

When booking talent, deciding who would be great to appear on the show, figuring out who should be with Ryan at what point in the show, and who should perform (Ne-Yo just did), who in the world wrote:

"Demi Lovato, Nick, Joe and Kevin Jonas and Taylor Swift to be with Ryan Seacrest, flanked by Lionel Richie"

Not sure if that guy should be flogged or promoted.


If I'm Lionel Richie, I'm keeping the 'fro. When this album came out, Taylor, Demi, Nick, Joe or Kevin weren't even around. Seriously.

So, its currently 1115pm, 45 minutes left in 2008... but on the West Coast (wessss syyyyddde!) it's only, what, 915? And who better to bring in the new year than Fergie! She's so Fergalicious!!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

So, down in the street, its Pickles! In much the way you like stuff that makes you smile embarrassingly and say, "I can't help it, I just do!", I love me some Pickles. She's so... well, so Pickley. Kellie Pickley.

She's down in the crowd, talking to different people, with this weird boofy haircut, and very odd eyelashes... and yet... she still looks gorgeous! Its Pickles!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Let's talk about Dick Clark. The guy is coming up on his 142nd birthday, and we all know that he had a stroke a few years ago. Now... if I am doing a job and that job requires me to perform a task that an illness or disaster or tragedy has rendered me unable to perform in a solid, satisfactory manner, I will perhaps step back from that duty.

Not Dick. He keeps on trucking, perhaps uncomfortably. Okay, let's be clear, I am in no way making fun of his speech, or his mannerisms or his condition--he's a solid Hollywood Legend, and I grew up watching TV Bloopers & Practical Jokes, and American Bandstand (sadly, past its heyday even in my childhood) and $25,000 Pyramid (which really seems like nothing compared to the millions given out by Deal or No Deal and other shows. I digress)...

...but Dick Clark is a little scary. Really. When I see him talking, he's got this tooth that you can see, and it looks pointed. The stroke keeps him from moving part of his face, so he's got this pointy tooth, freakly facial look.

Oh, stop fussing at me, you think it too.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Over on Fox, they are overachieving as always. There are about five different reporters, none of which I've ever heard of, reporting from around the country, but notably from:

1) Vegas, where Robbie Knievel is attempting to jump something with a motorcycle.

2) And somewhere where we get a behind the scenes preview of Cirque de Soleil.

Or... I can go back to ABC and see Pickles!


I choose Pickles! She' so Kellie Pickley!!!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

It's 1134... in New York, the ball has already dropped, so now we are treated to performances from Natasha Bedingfield (I gotta pocket gotta pocket fulla sunshine...) and Jesse McCartney, who apparently had a big year with his hit "Leavin"--do I need to stop reading so much and listening to Talk Radio and start turning on The Q, Birmingham's Hit Radio Station, so I can keep up with this stuff?

We also were treated to The Pussycat Dolls. There are jokes here. None of them are proper for a family blog, and most, if not all, are a result of very little sleep in the last 36 hours added to the fact that I'm a boy and edgy humor makes me giggle.

And another who had a big hit in 2008... Robin Thicke? What the?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Over on Fox, they have this joke segment where cameramen are running up to various strangers who bear a resemblance to actual celebrities, and taking their pictures. And now, we send it back to Chrissy Russo, with Spanky Spangler, the stunt coordinator for Robbie's jump!

(note to you, coffee drinkers, I made neither one of those names up)

I think it was a few years ago--The Lovely Steph Leann says last year, I don't remember--that KT and J Rob and The Hawbakers and The Croyles and whoever came over and we watched some sort of jump on ESPN (well, actually I know it was last year they came over, I just can't remember when the jump was), taking place at midnight, forsaking all ball droppings and Times Square coverage, pinning our entertainment quota on whether the stuntman makes it or doesn't... he made it.

Jess Hawbaker lamented that she felt bad for kinda wishing he would crash, but wow would it be fun to watch.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

DNC-TV, also known as MSNBC, has Rachel Maddow leading up to midnight, which is in about 16 minutes.

I think I'm going to start my own liberal newspaper, and call it "America Sucks".

Fox News has a show called "U Party 2009", and there is someone singing that I can't identify. It's probably a country song, because its one of those emotional message family songs.

I waited for the song to end, which couldn't come fast enough, and the guy said "Thank you!' and they cut to commercial. That's terrible.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Back to ABC's "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve" and I'm looking at who I can only guess is Solange Knowles, Beyonce's little sister. That's So-Lahn-Jay, by the way.

And Solange, for lack of a better term, has a yellow unibrow. A real, yellow unibrow. The Lovely Steph Leann just walked in, carrying a glass of something and a box of Raisinettes. She stopped, looked at the would-be-pretty-chick-on-the-screen-save-for-the-yellow-unibrow and just said, "Oh."

As the show went to commercial, the announcer said, "Coming up, performances from Jesse McCartney, we'll go to Times Square with Ryan and check in on the West Coast with Fergie!"

The Lovely Steph Leann then said, "Uh-uh. No."

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

So, its 7 minutes til. I ask The Lovely Steph Leann if she has any thoughts for the new year. I think she sees me typing, and simply says, "Happy new year."

And we're back on with more Jesse McCartney.

--channel flip--

Seriously, I do want to say best wishes and prayers to those guys and gals overseas, and even here in the military. Thanks to you guys for all you are doing. And a special thanks to Jodie in Enterprise and Erin Formerly Coates Now Whitehead and all the others out there who are here while their significant other spends tons of time away, protecting me and my freedom to write this blog.

Thanks.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Back from commercial on Fox, we've got 2:05 left in the year of 2008, and The Lovely Steph Leann perks up when she sees Robbie Knievel on his motorcycle. She gasps, "Oh my gosh... we're doing this again?"

Another nameless reporter down at Times Square (Pickles is much better) is telling us its 17 degrees, but the wind chill is 2 degrees. If it feels like 2 degrees, then... its 2 degrees, right?

And... 10 seconds.... 9 seconds...

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

3 seconds! 2 seconds! A single second left in 2008!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Big Willie Clinton and his wife Hillary were the official "Ball Droppin' Button Pushers", or whatever. That means they push the button that made the ball drop. Is it bad that I wanted Hillary to break the knob or something, because I had about fourteen "ball busting" jokes lined up. Alas.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

American Idol is coming back to Fox in a few weeks. And I'll be blogging every second of it, like an obsessed fan. Maybe I am, or maybe its fun to talk about. Who knows.

Back on Fox, another nameless reporter is talking to the Cirque de Soleil people... apparently, this version is an adult version, including "naughty bits" (their words, not mine) and transvestites. That might be the first, and hopefully the only, time we use the word "transvestites" on Clouds in My Coffee.

That might have been the most uncomfortable two minutes I've ever seen on my television.

The other nameless reporter is covering Robbie Knievel, discussing the upcoming stunt. He just said, "We'll give you some scenarios in which tonight might not be so happy."

Uh... wrecking?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Why I want to call Jess Hawbaker and tell her to turn on the television right now? They are in Denver, but this would be worth the viewing.

Robbie Knievel is going down a ramp, down the street, up a ramp and jumping a manmade "volcano" fulled of pyrotechnics and such, in the front yard of the Mirage Casino.

And in case you have a volcano in your backyard, or any pyro, don't try this at home.

And here we go... Robbie is off... he jumps... he lands... and for the second year in a row, its totally anti-climactic.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Flipped back over to ABC, to "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve" and whaddya know, we got Corbin Bleu singing on the air, in front of Cinderella's castle. As Brad Latta could easily tell you, Corbin plays Chad in High School Musical 3: Senior Year.

What an hour we've had... Ryan Seacrest, Dick Clark, Robbie Knievel, The Lovely Steph Leann, Pickles!, Fergie, Solange, Solange's Yellow Unibrow...

Don't forget, starting in the next couple of days, I'll be counting down the 100 Coolest Things of 2008, my annual list (the 4th year!) of the best things of the year that has just been completed.

But for now, I bid you goodnight, and Happy New Year!

The Moving Diaries: RIP, Casa de Pesos

After closing last night at Starbucks, I had to open this morning (also known as a 'clopening', which is never fun). And after I finally got off work around 930 this morning, I had to finish up at the old apartment.

Today was one of those Saturdays when you knew you had a day's worth of stuff to do... finish the apartment, turn in the keys, unload the car, take the old dryer to the Shelby County Landfill, go to a birthday party, and all that stuff... but remarkably, I found a few minutes to toss in my final thoughts about the old apartment, or as I affectionally called it, The Casa de Pesos. Yes, I know that literally means "House of Money", but considering we were living on the edge of GuadalaHoover, it seemed to fit.

Anyway, it was kinda bittersweet. Don't get me wrong, I love The Cabana, but in this entire two month process, I've always had the apartment access. As of 11am this morning, that ended.

This whole thing has been a series of phases, really, with Phase 1 being the preliminary move... you know, the house details, the confirmation that we were in fact moving, the gathering of boxes, the beginnings of the packing, the switching of mail, all that stuff.

Phase 2 was the actual move-in, and the initial unpacking of essential items--toiletries, clothes, dvds, remote controls, that sort of stuff, while Phase 3 was the finishing up of the apartment... the cleaning, the removal of everything, the pulling all the nails out of the wall and such. Phase 4 will be the thorough unpacking of everything else at The Cabana, and finally, Phase 5 is the big ol' cookout we'll have in May, opening the doors to one and all.


Steps I've climbed thousands of times. But no more.

The Lovely Steph Leann had completed the clean up on Friday night, so all I had to do was pick up a few remaining items, that being a small ladder, some wire shelving, trash to throw away and a few other odds and ends, then go to the office and turn in the key.

I walked slowly up and down the steps several times, each trip carrying more and more, which decreasingly affected the stuff left. Finally, all that was left was a package of bubble wrap and some kraft paper, both of which we'll be donating to KT and JR for their possible move. I strolled through the now empty apartment, still seeing the four small indented circles where the bed sat in the master bedroom, close to a large rectangular imprint where the dresser stood for almost four years.

In the living room, several small circles gave me an idea of exactly where our couch was placed a month ago, while in the guest bedroom, four large circles told me that the guest bed, sitting on four risers to give us extra room underneath, was heavy enough to leave a mark.


Is this picture of a blank apartment as weird to you as it is to me?

It kind of reminded me of The Deuce, though it was a little different then. Back then, I was the second of four to move out... Tom had fled earlier to shack up with Jill, whom he'd married a month earlier. I had my bedroom at The Deuce emptied on February 27th, as on the 28th, I was also getting matrimonially blissed. Michael and Shawn finished up The Deuce, and still I don't know who was last.

Today, though, in the Casa de Pesos, I was last. It was strange, as this apartment, for all its faults and all its stupid bike-in-the-parking-lot leaving children and all its old-lady-making-Cinemax-noises-at-3am neighbors, was a good place to live. It served its purpose. And today, its over.

We had multiple Christmas gatherings, Oscar parties, birthday events, a wedding shower for DeLisa and her man Nick, two different Flood (nee Disciple Now) groups, and in our kitchen is where I met one of my new best friends, Little Sister Ashley... and 12 months later, twenty feet away, that same new best friend lived in that bedroom for two months while she got on her feet in a new town.

I was there a month before The Lovely Steph Leann was, as she was in Atlanta, living with friends and desperately looking for a job in The Ham. Friendships forged, marriages strengthened, lots of hugs and kisses, and some crazy games of Risk, Attacktix, Disney Trivial Pursuit (Uni-donkey, anyone?) and Phase 10 were had at The Casa de Pesos.

I rolled over the Speedbumps From Hell one final time, stepped into the office and dropped off the mail key and the door key. Of course, I know of at least four other people who have a key, but I had the master, and its now out of my hands. And you know what?

It's bittersweet, but I'm okay with it. Onto Phase 4.