The Idol Dudes Underwhelm... Again

My Idol resolve is being tested.  My willingness to watch and comment, for whatever its worth, be it your entertainment or just posterity, is being tested.  Let's look at the facts...

Its 1120pm on a Wednesday night... I've worked, in this order since Sunday--The Happiest Place in the Mall (Sunday)... The Happiest Place in the Mall & then Starbucks (Monday)... Starbucks & then The Happiest Place in the Mall (Tuesday)... Starbucks & then the Happiest Place in the Mall (today)... and tomorrow, I work The Happiest Place in the Mall all day long.  I'm exhausted.  I'm sleepy.

I haven't seen either the girls or guys this week do their thing.  I'll have to, even with fast forwarding, go through about 2 hours of Idol.  And its 11:23pm now.

I could watch it all tomorrow night, but tomorrow night is results... and also Survivor.  And I also have to pack for leaving town Friday.  And The Lovely Steph Leann wants to do a little shopping.  And we are leaving somewhere between 330 and 630am on Friday morning.  And its 11:24 now.

My middle finger on my left hand has a little cut on the cuticle, and there's a little spot on my index finger of my right hand, where I accidentally poked it with a box cutter, so either hand hurts slightly to type the D, R, E, H and a few other select keys.  And now?  Its 11:26pm.

But I press on.  I move forward.  I do it... I do it for you.  I do it because...

THIS IS

AMERICAN IDOL

First of all, last week, Tyler Grady went home... I'm okay with that, though The Lovely Steph Leann had problems with it.  And Joe Munoz went home, which is a travesty, considering The Wrong Jermaine, John Park and Tim "Wish I Were Keith" Urban all are still on the show.  And then for the girls... fine, punt A-Rod.  I'm okay with that.  But Janellybean?  Janell Wheeler goes home and Haeley Vaughn survives?  

By the way, that is Captain Tebow with Janell Wheeler... apparently, they were going steady at one point.  Who knew? 

I seriously am not pointing out any conspiracy here... but sometimes I wonder how much "affirmative action" takes place on this show... just sayin'.  I ain't sayin', but just sayin'.

Our judges tonight, still Randy the Dawg, America's Favorite Lesbian Ellen DeG, Kara the New Hotness, sporting a high-bangs still hot hairdid, and Simon Cowell. 

Big Mike is up first.  He's singing James Brown's "Its a Man's World", and in his opening video, he makes comments that the judges are supportive, here for them and he takes none of their comments negatively... which makes me laugh, because its almost a direct response, being from the heart or from the producers pencil, to Tyler's and A-Rod's comments last week that the judges didn't give them good criticism and their feedback was way too late.  Punks.  But Janell?  I am in mourning.

Big Mike finishes up, was pretty good, and Randy the Dawg makes the obligatory "I feel like the season just started RIGHT NOW!!" and does a standing O.  Don't know if it deserves all that, now.   Ellen DeG, Kara the New Hotness and Simon the Cowell heap praise onto Big Mike as well. 

John Park is singing a John Mayer song... look, I have nothing against John Park.  He seems like a good kid, he's got very womanly hair, and he's got some good tone on "Gravity".  But he's not great.  He's good.  He's decent.  He'll do.  And you never want your American Idol to be good, decent and just "do".  You want feeeee-nominal.  And Feeeee-nominal is not John Park.  I think Boooooo-ring is John Park. 

The judges agree, with Simon the Cowell even predicting that John will head home after this week.  I would be okay with that, but there are so many I'd rather see go than John Park.  And then see John Park go. 

Up next is Casey James with... seriously?  I mean, seriously?  There should be a list of songs that are no longer allowed to be performed on this show, songs like "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson... "Respect" by Aretha... anything by pre-crack Whitney and pre-skank Mariah... and this song, "I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin McGraw.

Course, if I was Gavin McGraw, I would be thanking the Good Saviour Above for the show American Idol, because without this show, this song would be completely irrelevant.  What's that you say?  You like that song?  Sure.  Remember "Flagpole Sitta" or anything by Sum 41... or 42 or whoever?  My point exactly.  Irrelevant.

Perhaps I'm just bored by this song, and that's why I'm unimpressed with CJ's rendition, though he is adding some flair to it by playing the electric guitar.  Randy the Dawg loved it, Ellen DeG loved the guitar playing (it was good, btw)... but Kara the New Hotness didnt like it, telling him he took steps back.  Simon the Cowell agrees with Kara.

Next, we have Alex "Don't Call Me Adam" Lambert, the kid with the semi-mullet.  He's nervous, just like last week, and he's not the strongest vocal performer, but he's a lot more likable than John Park.  He's doing "Everybody Knows" by John Legend.  Alex "Don't Call Me Adam" Lambert sits on the stool, guitar in hand, and sounds... well, sounds pretty good.  That last note was kinda iffy, but still... not bad. 

Randy the Dawg liked it... Ellen DeG comments on his mullet, and liked it... Kara the New Hotness likes him quite a bit... Simon the Cowell says it was a million times better than last week, but tells him he needs more confidence.  I agree.  I can almost see a Clay Aiken, awkward kid who can sing who morphs into a real contender in about five weeks.  You heard it here.

Todrick Hall is singing "What's Love Got to Do With It" by Tina Turner, another big song... remember, he's the guy who did "Since U Been Gone", and though I thought it was fun and different, if not a little sketchy, the judges ripped it apart.

Toddy has changed the arrangement up, like last week, and has a jazzy, smooth sound to the song... I say "smooth", but thats meaning the flow of the song, not his performance. 

So, it wasn't perfect--far from it, but here's my bone with the judges.  They ask for people to make songs their own, they don't want copycat versions and soundalikes, but when someone like Todrick Hall does something different, they don't just discuss the issues with the tone and voice, they chide him for the version he did.  How can you tell what they want? 

The Wrong Jermaine, aptly named because Purifory was cut while Sellers lives on, and watching his little video makes me like this guy even less.  "Them judges was cut-troat!" he says.  He's singing "What's Going On" by Mavin Gaye, and he's sporting some sort of poofy-in-one-spot-on-his-head hairdid...

This song was terrible.  Randy the Dawg agrees with me.  Ellen DeG agrees with me.  Kara the New Hotness agrees with me.  Simon the Cowell tells him that he takes great songs and makes them meaningless.  As EW pointed out, its as if he's auditioning for Cirque de Soleil: Holleration!   The Wrong Jermaine says he knows God, and implies that God will keep him hear.  I'm sure Todrick is awesome in church... but not while singing Marvin Gaye tunes.

Andy Garcia's video shows his ability to breakdance.  Yeah!  That's what I'm talking about!  Backspins, popping, the caterpiller... rad.  To the max.  Tonight, he's singing a James Morrison song.  With "You Give Me Something", I admit I'm not a music scholar, and I personally cannot sing worth a lick... but I usually know what's not good.  That song?  Not good.  Not at all. 
 
Randy the Dawg didn't like it, Ellen DeG did.  She mentions the "Straight Up" rendition in Hollywood Week, which leads one to wonder how much mileage one guy can get off of one performance.  Heaven forbid he pulls off a Blake Lewis "You Give Love a Bad Name" or a David Cook "Hello" kind of performance, they might just give him the title right there.  And Kara the New Hotness even tells him he needs to take a song and make it his own... and I'm sure The Wrong Jermaine is thinking "What am I supposed to do?"

Aaron Kelly is up next.  He's doing The Temptations... or Four Tops... song "My Girl".  I am wondering if The Four Tops and The Temptations are actually the same band.  No one knows for sure.  Seacrest says the song is from The Four Tops, but I'm not convinced. 

He seems a lot more confident than last week, but if you put your fingers up to your throat, then tapped as you sang, it would sound much like we are hearing right now.   I don't want to give up on this kid yet, though... he's got some potential.

Randy the Dawg liked the first half of the song.  Ellen DeG told him the song is forgettable.  Kara the New Hotness really liked it.  Simon the Cowell didn't like it at all.  Kara the New Hotness comments that it was good that Aaron did his own version of the song.  The Wrong Jermaine just slapped himself.

Tim "Not Keith" Urban is doing "Come On Get High". The kid has good hair, and has some Troy Bolton kind of look to him... again, I like this kid overall, though I'm pretty sure he's not my next American Idol.   As he was singing, I sort of got distracted by Facebook.  So, I kinda heard it... but not enough to tell you it was great.   But... it wasn't bad.

Randy the Dawg didn't like it, neither did Ellen DeG.  In fact, she tells him he should act, maybe on "Glee", and do singing as a second skill.  Kara the New Hotness tells him he should have made the song his own.  The Wrong Jermaine just kicked a hole in the wall and shot a puppy.  Simon the Cowell... liked it.  And when Simon the Cowell says he liked it, Tim "Not Keith" Urban's jaw drops and mouths "wow". 

As Seacrest calls out his phone number, Tim "Not Keith" Urban looks down at his fingers for a minute, taking a second to get 9 digits in the air.  Funny.

And finally, its Lee Dewyze, who's singing "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder. I like this guy alot, he's got a cool voice and seems like he can take that "rocker" status easily, and doesn't even have to try, unlike Casey James, who doesn't quite fit the rocker mold.

I'm not really familiar with this song... but its not bad, Lee's version of it.  Its all... well, pitchy.  Randy the Dawg tells him that its good that he took chances.  Ellen DeG loved it.   Kara the New Hotness dug it.  Simon the Cowell liked it.

For the night... last week, my favorite was Joe Munoz, and he's gone... I hope the same fate doesn't befell Alex Lambert...

Alex "Don't Call Me Adam" Lambert... Lee Dewyze... Big Mike... CJ... Aaron Kelly... Andy Garcia... Tim "Not Keith" Urban... Todrick Hall... John Park... The Wrong Jermaine...

If I had to pick The Dude Half-Dozen, I'm going with Alex Lambert... Big Mike... Casey James... Andy Garcia.. Lee DeWyze... and Aaron Kelly, getting a small nudge over Tim Urban.  Its time for Todrick, The Wrong Jermaine and John Park to get bounced--but you know at least of them will make it into the Top 12.  Ain't saying.  Just sayin'.

The Smurf Turf

I'm a happy man. The weather has been beautiful, my wife The Lovely Steph Leann is beautiful, I'm sitting in my comfy leather chair and on the screen is college football. Troy wasn't on the television--and if they were I didn't find them--and its okay I didn't see them, because apparently they got blasted by Bowling Green 31-14... I came in from an informal Bible study meeting with Jillip at Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) and turned on the tv to see the latter part of South Carolina and NC State, which was won by the Gamecocks, alma mater of DeNick.

Now? Its Boise State and Oregon, and currently, the Broncos lead 10-0 on the Smurf Turf.

THE GO GATORS SCARY RANKING
That scares the be-williez out of me too. Do you know how many teams ranked #1 at the beginning of the season went wire-to-wire and won the title? Four. USC most recently did it in 2004.

The Go Gators were ranked #1 by the widest margin in history, with something like 48,000 votes, while Texas, #2, got what, 0.0005 or something? And that frightens me. This means that there is a good chance the Go Gators will get knocked off. My guess is the October 10th game versus LSU, at LSU, would be the most likely candidate. Hopefully, if they lose, that would the game so they'd have time to rebound and get back to the BCS Championship Game on January 7th.

They are bringing back, like, EVERYONE pretty much, so if they do repeat, it won't be a shock. However, its almost a "too good to be true".

Here's essentially why it scares me... remember the Georgia Bulldogs? They were a heavily hyped #1 in August of 2008. And they finished 13th at 10-3.

This Saturday, they are favored by 73... thats SEVENTY THREE over Charleston Southern. I would feel bad for Chuck South except for the fact they are getting something like $450K for the game, so bring it on.

THINGS I BELIEVE ABOUT TIM TEBOW
First, if Florida beats Ole Miss in 2008, instead of being stunned 31-30, then the Go Gators run the table all the way up to the SEC Championship game, where they get beaten by Alabama by 6. It was that loss to the Rebels that let the Go Gators know, "Hey, Tebow... you aren't invincible." And they go on to win the championship.

Next, if Tim Tebow goes to Alabama, Mike Shula stays the coach for another year or two. They finished 6-6 in 2006, after Tebow goes to Florida (and helps Chris Leak lead the team to the national title). If Tebow comes to Bama, I think the Tide finishes 8-4, maybe 9-3... they still lose the big games, but perhaps beat Arkansas, Mississippi State and possibly Tennessee.



That would be enough to keep Shula employed by the University of Alabama. Nick Saban, unhappy, still leaves Miami Dolphins and goes elsewhere... Notre Dame? Who knows?... but the Tide get someone else, perhaps not as good as Saban, and with Tebow, they continually win 9, 10, maybe 11 games per year--but no national title. Just my theory.

And finally, something someone else believes about Tim Tebow... my buddy Ryan Sherman said it best, spoken like a diehard Tide fan... "You know, I think Tim Tebow is a great guy. Man, you can't hate him, he's a solid guy, a solid Christ Follower, and I think its awesome he wants to do mission work with his life after football. But, you know, I hope in the first game he breaks his leg. Then he can get to mission work faster."

TROY BEING TROY
Ah, the faithful sounds of the T-R (whoop whoop) O-J (whoop whoop) AAAAAA EEENNNN EEESSSS (wooooo!) Trojans football. And tonight, they get blasted by Bowling Green. And next week, they play the Go Gators. People ask me who I root for, and I say, "Troy", mostly because I know there is more of a chance of He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected saying, "I want to give you all some tax cuts" than the Trojans beating the Gators.

MY FANTASY
So, I'm in a Fantasy Football League for the first time. Matta Latta invited me, and I joined up with The Official Clouds in My Coffee Ombudsman Brad Latta, Mikey, Scotty Latta, Drewski Morris and a few others, and we had our draft this past Sunday night.

My team, Manilow's Revenge, is QB'd by Tom Brady, so my season rests on his knees. I've also got DeAngelo Williams at RB, Brandon Marshall as a WR and Jason Elam as my kicker. And... I drafted Mike Vick as a backup QB. Yes, yes, he's not available until Week 3, but still, I think when McNabb goes down (and he will), Vick will come out and be great again. He's got nothing to lose.

How can I like Vick? I don't, necessarily. I thought when we with the Falcons, he was kind of a pud, but he was an amazing athlete. And no, I don't condone what he did. His dog fighting was horrific, and the things he did with those dogs is horrific... but he served his time. Whether I feel it was punishment enough (which I do) isn't the point... the point is, not only did he do his jail time, he's been crucified and hated in the public, and his career is very close to being as ruined as his reputation.

Besides... Plaxico Burress is spending what, a year or more in jail for shooting himself in the leg, something stupid he did to himself... but Donte Stallworth gets drunk, kills someone while driving and only gets 24 days? Don't tell me Vick didn't serve long enough.

RELAXATION, CORONA STYLE
I don't drink. But if I did, I'd want to drink Corona, but only if I'm sitting on a beach, next to The Lovely Steph Leann, in a lounge deck chair on a beach with a cool breeze blowing, small table between us with two long neck bottles filled with cool refreshment, topped with two perfectly sliced pieces of lime.

They make drinking seem nicer than Bud Light, Miller Lite, that German green bottled beer I can't spell and Pabst Blue Ribbon ever do.


This would be typical of The Lovely Steph Leann and I... if we were drinkers

Though Samuel Adams looks like a cool beer to drink. It looks like a beer that me, as a cultured intellectual would drink.

But I don't drink.

d$'s PREDICTIONS
The current AP Top 10 is as follows: 1) The Go Gators... 2) Texas... 3) Oklahoma... 4) USC... 5) Alabama... 6) Ohio State... 7) Virginia Tech... 8) Ole Miss... 9) Oklahoma State... 10) Penn State

Here's how yours truly, d$, predict the season will play out. The final AP top ten will be:
1) Texas (I predict they win the national title)
2) Penn State (I predict Texas blasts Penn State something like 54-10 in the BCS title game)
3) Florida
4) USC
5) Ohio State
6) Boise State
7) TCU
8) Alabama
9) Oklahoma
10) Georgia

Mark it down. Bet on it. I can see the future. Look at this post on January 8th and you'll see for yourself.

THE SMURF TURF (and colleen's song) REIGNS
I've been blogging all along during the game, chatting with The Lovely Steph Leann about who wants to go with us to The Happiest Place on Earth (can you believe we're actually having a little trouble filling that spot?), and doing some random surfing on the interweb.

Tomorrow night, we hang out with Croyle and his wife Britlicious, and new friends Phil & Colleen. Went into Valleydale Church (an sbc fellowship) Middle School Ministry...

...okay, so "middle school" is the new norm? what was wrong with "junior high"? nothing! junior high ministry works just as well, perhaps better than middle school ministry. whoever changed that is probably responsible for dropping "junior college" from most junior colleges and turning them into "community college". you don't call junior varsity teams "middle varsity" or "community varsity", do you? not yet, anyway.

...and Colleen sang a song that she wrote. It was amazing. With apologies to Factor 7, I've only got one song written and sung by a friend that has anywhere over 2 plays on my iPod, and that's Joel Blount's song "Sunday Afternoon", which currently is in my Top 100 songs (11 plays). If I had Colleen's song, and I don't even know the title, on my iPod, it would rival it, easily. It was that good.

Finally... Go Gators.

Truth In the Eye Black

Perhaps some thought it silly to have the Scripture references on his eye black paint, but I thought it was cool. Personally, in a sport (and a sports culture) that is full of gangsta's and thugs, shoot 'em ups and steroids, smackin' up my ho's and other garrulous violations, I think its kinda cool to have someone that is just a genuinely good guy. There are good guys all over, college and pro, I know, and Tebow gets all the coverage, yes yes, I know that, but still...

Anyway, here's the shot of Google's most searched topics for last night during the game...



Kinda cool, huh?

Scott's SEC Report

After all the recent happenin's in the SEC--Auburn firing Tubby, Florida on the cusp (and winning!!!) another national title, Bama's disaster in the Sugar Bowl--I wanted to hear what columnist and diehard Tider Scott Latta had to say.... we had an email conversation, then he wrote a little blurb on everything...

ME: So, your take on what happened last Friday?

SCOTT: Apparently, Andre Smith was good or something. Who knew? I think Alabama just didn't want to play Utah. I'm not sure, had Andre played, Alabama would have won. Utah just shredded the defense and exposed a whole lot of holes that had been covered up by a dominant running game all season. Whatever. Six months ago, if you had offered me 12-2 with wins over Georgia, Tennessee, LSU and Auburn, I would have laughed and jumped all over it. Plus I keep telling myself that this is the least amount of talent Saban will have from this point forward, and that makes me happy.

ME: Think Saban fueled the fire? Didn't he make some cutting remarks towards Utah? Or do you think that the team just finally gave in, deciding they were done with it all, with the Go Gators ripping their hearts out in Atlanta (hence, who cares about a meaningless bowl game against the freakin' Utes?)

SCOTT: All Saban said was that Alabama was the only team to go undefeated from a true BCS conference. What's not true about that? Utah probably posted that everywhere, but it's like him saying, "I'm the only coach to bring in the top recruiting class last year and then run the table in my conference." People can use anything they want that comes out of his mouth against him.

I think they just gave in. I followed that team, was at all the press conferences, interviewed all the players, all season long, and I think they were just tired. I know I was, and all I had to do was hit record on a voice recorder. The Mobile Register had a report that said after the SEC Championship, one player was overheard in the locker room saying "If we play Utah I might as not even show up." This player, apparently, had a bad game in the Sugar Bowl. (I don't know who it was, but that narrows it down to, oh, about 75 guys.) I think that sums it up. Fourteen games is a lot, and fourteen games under Saban is like 80 games under most other coaches. I think the Florida loss had a whole lot to do with it. It exposed Alabama's lack of a pass rush and showed that you could exploit Saban's vaunted 3-4.

ME: Personally, I've always contended that if Tebow had chosen Alabama, Shula would still be coach, or at least would have been a year longer--long enough that Saban wouldn't have been available. I think that Tebow would have given them just enough wins to warrant keeping Shula, but they'd still only be a 8 or 9 win team, never more.

SCOTT WRITES:

I've wondered that a lot. A whole lot. What if Bear Bryant hadn't died in 1982 and had become athletic director like he had planned? How would the program be different today? What if Mike Price (it's rolling baby-d$) had not been an idiot and instead had become the coach? I think it would make for an interesting book.

----------------------------------

During my freshman year at Alabama, in 2005, we were recruiting Tim Tebow. Mike Shula was the coach, we hadn't won many games, but Tebow was still somehow drawn to Shula's nice-guy persona and the school. I lived in a brand new apartment-style dorm then, and one Sunday afternoon I was told we would have a recruit stop by to be shown around the building, and that he would be coming into our room for a while to look around. It was going to be Tim Tebow, who was in town for his official visit. We, being four recruiting-obsessed college guys, ran around frantically, sweeping and vacuuming and cramming a semester's worth of cleaning into 10 minutes. We turned the Steelers-Bengals game on because we thought he might want to watch. We left our Bibles on the kitchenette table.

Before long, they came. First his mom, then his dad, then him. We shook hands and introduced ourselves. And then it hit me.

Tim Tebow had one of the weakest handshakes I had ever experienced.

I don't know what I was expecting, but I know it wasn't the wet-paper-towel strength of SuperTim's extended hand that I received. I wanted to smile at him and be cool, to let him know that even the Regular Guys at Alabama were worth hanging out with, but all I could do was stare at our clasped hands, my eyebrows furrowed just a bit in confusion, as he looked at the TV.
"Who is that, the Steelers?" he said. All I could do was pull my hand away and confirm. "Yeah," I said. "Playing the Bengals."

We watched for a few minutes. He went in my bedroom and stood with his parents, talking about the school while we all stood in the living room slightly hyperventilating. We talked as a group for a bit about our majors and dorm life. After a while, they left in a van, and Tebow eventually committed to Florida, where he has since won the Heisman Trophy and a pair of national championships, all while circumcising young Philippine boys and cramming half of the New Testament onto his eye black.

It wasn't until later, while watching Tebow jump-pass his way past some SEC also-ran, that I realized something awful. When Tim and I shook hands that day in my living room, I extended first, and I am right handed. He responded dutifully, and it was our right hands that shook. But Tim Tebow is left handed. The wet-linguini handshake I received was a fraud. And, believe me, I wonder every day how things would be different had I instead offered my left hand, letting him know how tuned in Alabama fans were to his life and thereby securing his commitment to our school. No doubt, my left hand would have been turned to gold. I kick myself.

But, there is little that can be done now. Had Tebow committed to Alabama, he would be about to begin his redshirt junior season at tight end, and that actually makes me kind of glad I screwed it all up.

Behold, Chizikistan!
As an Alabama graduate who worked in the athletic department for two years, you can probably imagine my reaction when Auburn hired Gene Chizik. The only thing I can think to compare it to is the N64 kid off YouTube.

Observe...


This is more of my reaction to Chizik's coaching staff. Now, don't get me wrong, I find a lot of humor (and reason for fist pumping) at the combined head coaching records of Chizik and new defensive coordinator Ted Roof, whose 6-45 record accompanies nicely Chizik's 5-19 mark, making for a nice 11-64 combination. But Chizik, to his credit, is piecing together a good staff of quality recruiters, and the Gus Malzahn hire sure is a fun one. When you live and die in a conference that boasts recruiters named Meyer, Richt, Saban, Spurrier, Miles, Nutt and Petrino, you need a good staff.

But do I think Chizik can hold his own in recruiting? Not this year. Too late to the game. On the field, though? As a guy who has experienced more coaching changes than should be federally allowed, I can tell you what it's like having a first-year coach coming off a bad year: you do not win more than seven games. Auburn heads to 2009 with no proven quarterback, no quality receivers, an average offensive line, and some major holes to fill on defense that are going to be patched with anemic recruiting classes. Any coach in the SEC is going to struggle in that situation.

I thought Auburn would beat Vanderbilt last season because, despite their lackluster season, they had better athletes and could out-athlete Vanderbilt to something like a 20-13 win. But that didn't happen, and it became clear to me that average athletes in a good scheme will beat good athletes in no scheme. Auburn heads to 2009 with average athletes in a new scheme. Looks like David Dollar got out while the getting was good. (note--as my allegiences slowly switched from one to the other, Auburn was still good. I just had to be true to myself. This championship, however, I claim -d$)

Andre Smith is Not Dead to Me
Of everything I love about sports, my favorite thing about them is probably when out-of-touch sportswriters develop my opinions for me and then broadcast them to the world. I love this. So you can imagine my excitement when I read columns that proclaim that Andre Smith's Alabama legacy is tarnished forever because of what he did, and that Alabama fans will never forget it.
Who cares?

Honestly, I don't, and I was paralyzed with shock and rendered temporarily speechless at age 12 after Alabama's overtime loss to Michigan in the Orange Bowl. Two questions: 1. What would Alabama have additionally gained by winning the Sugar Bowl over Utah this year? (Nothing.), and 2. Would they have even won with him? (No.)

So Andre Smith is not dead to me. Did his absence on the field make a difference? Uh, yeah. A big one. But Alabama's problems in its last two games went beyond protecting John Parker Wilson's blind side. Alabama had zero pass rush, and opposing quarterbacks had time to let fast receivers outrun the Tide's DB's. Period.

This is not to say I didn't want Alabama to win the Sugar Bowl. I did. But, this time, I wasn't paralyzed at all. In fact, I think I just made a sandwich when it was over. In 1999, Alabama got to the Orange Bowl on the legs of its best running back in school history (Shaun Alexander) and its best left tackle in school history (Chris Samuels), both of whom were seniors. This year, Alabama did it with a bunch of freshmen and a quarterback whose main quality is that he doesn't royally screw things up much anymore. So there is more reason to be encouraged now than there was then.

(Also, as an aside, I should mention that Samuels did not play in Alabama's '99 Orange Bowl loss for the exact reason Smith didn't play against Utah. Do Alabama fans really care now? No.)

One thing became abundantly clear in the Tide's loss to Utah, though: Andre Smith is really freaking good. Without him, Alabama's pass protection was, shall I say, underwhelming. (Meaning: they could have gotten more time for John Parker if Drew Davis had been replaced by a stack of Gatorade coolers with twigs for arms.) Andre will enjoy life in either Detroit, St. Louis or Kansas City next year, and Alabama will move on. Had you offered any Alabama fan 12 wins this year, with wins over Georgia, Tennessee, LSU, and Auburn, he would have hugged you and probably teared up a bit. They'll be fine.

Tim Tebow Will Cure You of Your Iniquities
I do wonder a little bit what things would be like had Tebow committed to Alabama. Mike Shula would probably still be around; Florida definitely wouldn't have two national championships or a Heisman; and things in the Philippines would be a little...different. I like that Tim Tebow is a good guy. I'm sure he'll do fine in the NFL. But it's like I said while watching Florida beat Oklahoma this year for the championship: he's like that guy that always took things way too seriously while playing basketball. You're just jogging the ball up the floor and here he comes sprinting across, stealing it from you and slamming it home. Then he full-court presses you, you to dribble off your foot, and he dunks again. Like, seriously, just stop already. We get it: you like football. Great.

During the game, I actually heard the announcers say about Tim Tebow: "If you spend five minutes with him, your life is better for it," and, after a penalty, "That might be the first wrong thing he's ever done in his life." Those are just annoying statements. Who else would those things be said about? (one more note... even more annoying--did you actually see what the penalty was? He did the Gator Chomp at some guy, and flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct. Not even a real penalty. He is perfect. - d$)

Think of everything a solid left-handshake could have changed. I could have saved you from the SuperTim Love-a-ganza that has permeated the United States the last three years. I could have probably given Oklahoma a championship or two. I could have drastically changed life in the Phillippines. Unfortunately, we'll never know.

So consider this my formal apology. And when Tebow comes back next year to cure feline leukemia and eliminate thirst, I'm sorry. I'll do a little more research next time.

Columnist Scott Latta is a recent graduate of Alabama and a WalkAbout drama legend. A member of Dove winning group Factor 7, he ranked #63-A on 2007's 100 Coolest List, and author of 2006's 11th Coolest, the late, great Rammer Jammer Blog, is also the author of "We Got 12 (Coaches): Why Stallings Was Right, Shula Was Wrong, and Every Mistake In Between", and is working on a new book chronicling Saban's first two years. He's also getting married this year. You can read more of his work on his blog "Kangaroo Song" (click the link or just go to d$'s recommended blogs ----> )