So, while I watch this years version of the Motown History video, I can type:
THIS IS
AMERICAN IDOL
Liv Tyler sighting!
First up, its Casey A, doing "I Heard it Through the Grapevine", with his beard shining and his hair slicked back. Tricky song, and like last week's "Smells Like Teen Spirit", he has a scratch to his voice that sounds good, but if he's not careful, he can over-do. The Straight Adam Lambert has worked hard to master his screech, so Casey A needs to watch the scratch.
He kinda sounds like a less-refined, if thats possible, Axl Rose.
J-Lo's makeup is horrifying.
Crazy Uncle Steven Tyler loves Casey A's performance, J-Lo calls him an original, and Randy the Dawg concurs.
Thiamegia is finally doing something thats not a ballad. She tells the camera about "Heat Wave" by Martha and the Vandellas, that it was released in 1963, and a little about the song, information that I'm almost positive that she got about 45 seconds before saying said info on camera.
Personally, I'm a "Nowhere to Run" fan by Martha and the Vs, but this one is good too. The Lovely Steph Leann watched this show last night (and is finishing up her work day as we speak/read/type) and I'm sure she was clapping and moving the entire time. Like myself, she loves Motown.
J-Lo loves Thiamegia, and wants to see more fun from her. Randy the Dawg really liked it, but wants more. Steven Tyler says same.
And next, there's no reason why The Soulful Jacob Lusk shouldn't blow this away, because he's full of soul. He's doing '68's "Your All I Need (to get by)" by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell, and I gotta tell ya, I'm excited about there this one. This is one of my favorites from that era.
Rockin' the pink cufflinks and pink shirt and tie, TSJL is bringin' it, like I knew he would. Fabulous. A quick pan to the judges and you can tell they agree, as they rock and bounce and point. This is one of those type performances where the other Idol contestants go, "Oh crap."
Steven Tyler physically gets up, walks to The Soulful Jacob Lusk and hugs him, shouting "Baby Luther!' into the mic. Randy the Dawg says, "Barry Gordy is somewhere sayin' 'oh my gahhhhh!'" Steven Tyler and J-Lo burst into a Paula Abdul type gushing. And well deserved. That was fantastic.
Seacrusty then invites the entire front row to come up and give The Soulful Jacob Lusk a hug. What? What?
America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina is doing 1966's "You Keep Me Hanging On", one of The Lovely Steph Leann's favorites. I don't know who did the chick makeup this week, but not only does J-Lo looked like a Paas Easter Egg coloring kit threw up on her face, America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina looks like she didn't put on makeup, she installed it.
Let's be honest, America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina has a great voice, and she's doing a great version of this, even with the twang on "There ain't nothing I can do about it", the spoken line in the song. Nothing out of this world, but she's getting the job done and shouldn't have a problem sailing into next week.
Steven Tyler said she ripped that song a new one, and was awesome, while J-Lo loved the head bobbing and sass. Randy the Dawg said last week America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina brah it, and this week, she's brah it again.
I read about this earlier, how Stefano Italiano's mom brought some pasta for everyone, and Seacrusty brings it to the stage. Apparently, he lets Gordon Ramsey, who is in the audience and looking like he would rather be anywhere than there, try it, and Gordon Ramsey wasn't a fan.
Anyway, Stefano Italiano is about to undo every good thing he's brought to this show in the last few weeks, that being "Hello" by Lionel Richie. I don't know if I mentioned this last week before my interweb crashed, but "Hello" is one of those songs you don't touch on Idol anymore. You just don't.
"Alone" by Heart, then done by Carrie Underwood... "Summertime" from Porgy and Bess, then done by Fantasia... "Takin' It to the Streets" by The Doobie Brothers, then done by Taylor Hicks... "You Give Love a Bad Name" by Bon Jovi, then done by Blake Lewis... and, "Hello" by Lionel Richie, then done by David Cook... those are definitive versions done on Idol that will get you not only compared to the original artist, but to the version done by the Idol before you. And Stefano Italiano is about to learn this lesson the hard way.
This song blew chunks.
The judges go on about how great he sounded, but he needs to have a better connection with the song and the audience.
Whatever. It was awful.
They cut to Gordon Ramsey trying Mama Italiano's pasta, and when asked how it was, he says, "Its fine." Cut to Mama Italiano's face, and she forces a smile, the audience goes "awwwww..."
And now, Haley Reinhart is doing Smokey Robinson and the Miracle's classic "You Really Got a Hold on Me", a song that I've never really cared for that much, but hopefully she'll give me something.
In what looks like 28 inch heels, she works her way down the stage, and she's wearing what looks to be short shorts, but it might be a belt. Put it this way, if at 15 or 13 or 17, Lorelei Addison comes down the stairs of The Cabana Plantation wearing those shorts, she's going to march her little fanny upstairs and put on a burka, and if she slips out of the house and you see her, give me a call.
That being said, I can dig the outfit on Haley Reinhart. Her song is a little screamy for me, but its pretty good. I find her strangely attractive, but I like her spin on this song.
Randy the Dawg includes the name "Janis Joplin", and even sends a sentence with the word "Yo". Steven Tyler says, "you don't look a day over fabulous..." and loved the music. J-Lo calls her the most soulful chick in the competition. The Soulful Haley Reinhart? Not so much.
And here comes the first big speedbump for Deep Voiced Scotty.... he's so good at country, but now he's got to not just step, but jump and run out of his comfort zone... but he's going to turn Stevie Wonder's "For Once in My Life" into a slightly country version.
Who knew a Stevie Wonder could have a song that sounded good with a harmonica? Holy crap, this sounds awesome. You can tell he's a bit uncomfortable with the material, but he's doing it! This sounds good enough to be played on country radio stations, like, right now. Fabulous. Stevie Wonder would be proud.
Crazy Creepy Uncle Steven says what I was thinking, "Just like Glen Campbell and Harry Nilsson!" which is a great compliment. J-Lo says it was a great version, saying it wasn't his best but it was great. No, it wasn't his strongest, but he did a great job with what he had to work with. Randy the Dawg calls him a lady-killer.
Keeping with Stevie, Peepee Tuscany is doing a song that I just don't know, one called "All in Love is Fair", from the album "Innervisions" in 1973. I've heard people talk about how beautiful she is, and... I just don't see it. Oh, don't get me wrong, she's pretty and such, but I'm not all like "oh she's so hot" and all that. She's cute. She's not beautiful, she's elegant.
Her song is slow and melodic, and its sung really well--she has an awesome voice. But she has to be careful to not to be boring, because like Thiamegia, she keeps doing the ballad thing... but she's better looking and more talented. Her dress is
J-Lo compares her to Celine Dion, but wants to see other stuff besides ballads. Randy the Dawg says the same thing. Creepy Uncle Stevie says she's the closest star in the Idol Universe right now.
Next up, Pauly Mac, doing some "Tracks Of My Tears" by Smokey. Apparently The Unambigiously Gay Adam Lambert did this in his season, but no one remembers that now. With guitar in hand, he's going to do a Jack Johnsony kind of version on the song.
So like, since Ashthon Jones would benefit from being a ProActiv spokeschick, I think Crest White Strips should put Pauly Mac as their poster child, because wow doggy does this cat have some white teeth. He's like an Orbitz Girl, but a boy, and not a girl.
Song was great. Randy the Dawg gushes. J-Lo gushes. Steven Tyler gushes.
You know, I am just going fast forward through Nixa Armania, because... well, I just don't like her. I'm sure personally, she's fun and nice and sweet and all that, but I don't like listening to her sing, and I'm still afraid when she gets booted, she'll be saved. The Lovely Steph Leann walks in and asks me how I can blog about a performance when I don't even watch it. I smile and say, "Watch me."
I did back up a little and watch the dancing I had heard about. Or two seconds of it. I saw that at The Festival of The Lion King at Animal Kingdom, so I wasn't impressed.
And finally, with the tail back, The Straight Adam Lambert comes out to "Living For the City" by Stevie, once again. He does a little quirky dance step on the stage walk way, and does a better job that his previous Idol performer did on hers.
A little too much "yaaaaa!" for me, though. Cut to the judges, and J-Lo is clapping, Randy the Dawg is bobbing, and Uncle Stevie is barely moving.
J-Lo says "Oh my gah!" about four times in a crazy, Valley Girl voice. The crowd goes wild for a minute or so, and J-Lo has to wait to talk. She says he's an incredible thing to watch, leaving her speechless. Randy the Dawg thought it was a little rough at the beginning, but got it right at the end of the song. Steven Tyler says, "It takes a little being crazy to make a difference in this world..." and says the song was perfect--for The Straight Adam Lambert's voice.
My favorites:
The Soulful Jacob Lusk (tie) & Deep Voiced Scotty (tie)... Peepee Tuscany... Pauly Mac... Casey A... Haley Reinhart... America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina... The Straight Adam Lambert... Thiamegia... Stefano Italiano... Noxama Agrabah
My Bottom Three predictions.. Stefano Italiano... Haley Reinhart... and Naimath Armstrong. And unfortunately, I think Haley might go home tonight.
RESULTS NOW
In a brief recap of Motown, plus tossing in clips of our Idols, our show begins. Seacrusty comes out to tell us that approximately 74 billion people voted last night, from 1,344 different countries and 5 different planets... its time...
THIS IS AMERICAN IDOL RESULTS
Our Top 11 come out dresed to the 9s, and guess who has the plunging neckline? Haley Reinhart. She's got boobies and she's proud of them.
We see a quick clip of the Idols learning about their pitch problems from none other than Mr. J-Lo, Marc Anthony, who looks really thin and emaciated. Maybe he's sick, or maybe just broke after being married to J-Lo.
We fast forward through most of the Group Song, but I stop when I see Stevie Wonder onstage... I imagine the Idols are going nuts right now, performing with Stevie Wonder, in front of Steven Tyler. After "Signed Sealed Delivered", Stevie calls out Steven, and sings a big birthday song to Steven Tyler.
The Idols bring out a cake and a big card and all... this now sets the bar for The Lovely Steph Leann to make my own birthday bigger.
Later, we get Oscar Winner and former Idol Jennifer Hudson, and a performance by Sugarland, but now, the results...
America's Darlin' Lauren Alaina, Deep Voiced Scotty and Peepee Tuscany come out to center stage. The Sofa of Safety awaiting those we are safe, the Silver Stools of Suck awaiting the losers. Seacrusty pulls a fast one again, saying, "Because of the outcome... you'll all be packing your bags... to go on the summer tour!"
With the 13 Idols, only 10 get to go on the summer tour, and tonight's Idol Elimination will be the final one that we'll never hear from again--anyone else eliminated after tonight will at least get to go on the summer tour.
Sugarland is up now, singing "Stuck Like Glue", which we hear half of it before we fast forward.
Then we get to the video of the Idols as they talk about The Straight Adam Lambert's obsession with wrestling. Seacrusty comes back and says, "The Smackdown continues with the results..."
The Straight Adam Lambert and Pauly Mac now come to center stage, with The Silver Stools of Suck awaiting a butt to fill them. Seacrusty talks about each one, and tells us, "Both of you guys are really not safe tonight..." and as their faces drop, cue Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger" and the stage opens up... Hulk Hogan comes out, saying, "The both of you are safe!" The Straight Adam Lambert is about to pass out.
Then Hulk Hogan does a fake hit to Seacrusty, who falls into the audience and... well, commercial.
Back to results... Thiamegia, The Soulful Jacob Lusk and Stefano Italiano come out. The Lovely Steph Leann predicts that Thiamegia will be Bottom Three. I think it will be Stefano Italiano.
Seacrusty tells The Soulful Jacob Lusk to head back to the Safety Sofa. Back to Thiamegia and Stefano Italiano... after the nationwide vote, Thiamegia heads to The Silver Stools of Suck. And then, Stefano does the same.
Next, its Haley Reinhart, Nemoa Apebogbo and Casey A. I would love for Neaixma to be Bottom Three, but I'm afraid its Haley. And Seacrusty sends Noxema back to the Safety Sofa, and she's headed on Tour. Yippee.
And out of Casey A and Haley Reinhart... and Casey Abrams heads to the Silver Stool of Suck. We were told by Ryan Seacrest that tonight's results will "Shock you", and it is a mild surprise.
We fast forward through Jennifer Hudson singing, then catch Thiamegia getting sent back to the Safety Sofa. Now, between Casey A and Stefano Italiano, one will go home. Honestly, I can't imagine this season's Idol without Casey Abrams!
The person with the lowest number of votes is... Casey Abrams. I'll be honest with you, I wasn't expecting that at all... and none of the other Idols were either, as all have opened mouths. They cut to Randy the Dawg, who's jaw is on the floor.
And as Casey starts to sing, the Randy the Dawg just waves his hands and says, "Stop! Stop!" The music stops, Seacrusty is confused and Casey is bewildered.... Randy the Dawg says, "Dude, stop singing. We know who you are, you don't have to sing."
Steven Tyler says, "Man, this is crazy wrong, there's no reason you should be going home, we are going to use the Save, you are staying here." Casey A practically collapses and starts shaking uncontrollably, and runs down and hugs the judges and then hugs the parents and then collapses on Seacrusty again and the Idols on The Safety Sofa are crying and cheering and the audience is chanting "Casey! Casey! Casey!" and Steven Tyler shouts out "Listen to J-Lo for a minute!" and she tells Casey A that he needs to get back to his roots and be who he is and not try to be all crazy and such with the faces and scratchy and such and Casey A says, "I didn't think you would use the Save right now because there are 11 people here and this early I didn't know and..." and Seacrusty yells out that next week, two people will be eliminated and that it was already pre-determined that if something like this happened that there would be 11 people on the Summer Tour and not just 10 and...
And that was the craziest Idol elimination show finish I've ever seen. Best. Season. Ever.
