Ruminating

A while back, I posted part of something I found on the Facebook site of my friend St. Francis, a list of random thoughts and ponderings that I found to be just heeee-larious.  Coffee Drinker Krista posted that the origin of these such thoughts came from the website "Ruminations", the site of comedian Aaron Karo. 

Karo developed an area where people can send these random thoughts, and other people can read them--and if you like them enough, you can declare them "gourmet", which is Karo's way of saying "this is awesome."

I will tell you that the site itself is not a bad site... it does have some Not Emmy Turnbow Safe language, but its very rarely anything than just worldy conversation, nothing dirty.  Now, I could tell you to go on over to that site and have fun reading, and you might do that, but let's be real... I want you to stay here.  Heck, I'm about half-a-thousand away from 30K, so I'd like to keep you on this very site...

So with that, I'll give you some of my favorite Ruminations (including some of my own that I posted and were listed as varying degrees of "gourmet"!).  They've also been cleaned up for everyone's reading--and you can copy and paste to your heart's content, just tell 'em which site (this one!) stole them from the other site (that one!)

1. I fear the day Facebook decides to inform users of who has viewed their profile...and how many times
2. I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right
3. Cell phones ruined pushing people in the pool
4. If anyone found out the one password I use for everything I'd be royally screwed
5. "I had to walk to school 40 miles in the snow... barefoot" was good in it's day. But imagine the sheer terror on your kid's face when you drop "When I was born there was no internet".
6. Kids today will never experience the joy and excitement of hearing the sound of dial up internet actually connecting.
7. Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos
8. They say celebrities die in 3's. Leave it to Billy Mays to throw in an extra one COMPLETELY FREE
9. I don't write on your facebook wall so you can comment on it. I write on your wall so you will write back on mine and make me seem more popular. Work with me here
10. My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat."
11. Even into my 30s, I still will hold up both hands, index fingers up, thumbs pointed inward.  Oh, there's the "L", that one must be Left!
12.  Every time I hear a recording of my own voice, I'm convinced that I would not be friends with me if I were someone else
13. Kanye, how could you be so heartless?
14. Once I notice the audio is not in sync with the person's lips on television, I can't focus on anything else.
15. Our generation doesn't knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we're outside
16. Ever notice that “I love you” and “Love ya” have completely opposite meanings?
17. What is it that my computer is thinking so hard about during those spontaneous hourglass/rainbow spinning freeze-ups? I'd be so much more patient and understanding if the computer could just say, "Ya know what, I...I think I just need a minute."
18. There's always that "What the...??" moment when you find out two people you know in really different contexts know each other. How could you possibly have met without my influence??
19. On my days off I'm tempted to stop by work to show everyone how hot I am with normal clothes on
20. I have a magical drawer in my kitchen full of things I can only find when I'm not looking for them.
21. I'm terrified that I'm going to say something "sucks" in front of my children and they are going to ask "sucks what?" I'm not even sure I know that answer to that question.
22.  The saddest thing I saw all summer was a diet cookbook left on the shelf halfway down the candy/chocolate aisle in Wal Mart. Someone lost all hope here
23. They say money can't buy happiness but if you have enough money, there's a good chance you will never have to wake up before 10 AM again and that's good enough for me
24. If your baby is too young to come to the door, she's too young to eat my candy. I know your tricks, fat mom.
25. I hate when I have a stuffy nose because then I have to decide if I would rather breathe or eat
26. Whenever I'm on Facebook and I see someone has "Live, Laugh, Love" or some other thoroughly exhausted euphemism under their favorite quotes, I immediately know that we will never have any kind of meaningful relationship whatsoever
27. Nothing is more statisfying than your turn single blinking at the same rate as the turn single of the car in front of you for those two seconds that they match up
28. I have yet to see a movie or TV show accurately depict anything near my experience in high school.

29. The voice in my head I read your email with had a sarcastic tone and now I am mad at you.
30. A quick question is rarely a quick question. I’m busy. Get away from my desk and Ask Jeeves.
31. I will give you 2 seconds to figure out that you have the right of way before I take it from you.
32. When I know I get to sleep in a few hours longer tomorrow, I end up staying up so late that I get even less sleep
33. I'm never as scared of rulebreaking as when my iPod says, "Do not disconnect" while updating
34. I hate that embarrassing feeling you get when you think you know someone, so you say hi. You realize it’s not the right person, but you already received that strange look from them wondering who you are. You apologize and walk away with your shame
35. You know what? If I ever find myself in a room with an elephant, you can be pretty sure it's going to be the first thing I mention.
36. The moment you realize “I need to buy a plunger”, its already too late
37. I love waking up in the middle of the night and realizing I have hours left to sleep.
38. The price I would pay for wireless or cordless earbuds increase everytime those earbuds are ripped out of my ears due to a cabinet knob or a high chair back I didn't see
39. My MySpace page is like an old Gap credit card. I never use it, it has an address from three apartments ago, and it will probably lead to identity theft.
40. I wish the check engine light in cars had a scale of 1-10, with 1 being "I'm kinda hurtin', but no biggie", and 10 being "Man, I swear if you don't get your happy tail in gear, you will be SOL out of luck in about 2 more miles".
    
    

Anyway, I hope you get a laugh out of the previous... I won't tell you which ones were mine, mostly because I want you to continue thinking I'm funnier than I actually am...

Julie Wise & the Facebook Lament

Facebook is a dangerous, dangerous thing. When I started blogging three and a half years ago, leading up to a NYC mission trip, I never imagined the outlets and resources that words typed & written could be read through.

I hopped on MySpace a few years back, mostly because I had come across Amy McL's MySpace page and wanted to make a comment. Well, to comment, I had to have a "page", so I made a page. Probably spent way more time on making the page flashy, but I had nothing else... I couldn't do a Facebook page, because Facebook was only for people who had a college email address, and then it was opened to those who had certain work or "network" email addresses.

And then, one day, the gates of Facebook opened up to one and all, much to the dismay of many who thought it should remained an exclusive club.

I've said this before--I blog to be read. Seriously, I enjoy knowing that people sometimes enjoy what I write. I don't have many talents, if any, so apparently I can do this halfway decent. If I wanted to remain private, I would just use a journal and keep it hidden under the bed. So how do you continually get read? Be entertaining in what you write (I guess this depends on who you ask), blog alot (so there is something for people to check) and advertise.

I started doing that on Facebook last year, typing the web address in my status line, along with an idea of what had just been written, be it Idol recaps, movies, music, whatever... I also had my blogs imported into Facebook, so now anyone who lists me as a "friend" can see just about anything I've written--which isn't all that impressive, because anyone with a computer and some time to kill can head to Clouds in My Coffee and see EVERYTHING I've written.

And therein lies the danger. Back when I first started, when I first began to discuss things like... Troy State... Samson High School... past experiences... former friends turned long lost acquaintances... it was not a big deal. I mean, who's going to read this? I haven't seen Tiffany Abbott in years, so if I gush about my crush on her there, she won't see it, right? Or if I discuss parties and cruises and crazy things in high school involving Jason Smith or Cristie Wright or Shannon Williamson or whoever, I haven't seen any of them in a decade, so what of it?

And what about Angiejay's dismissal of me during our Homecoming dance? Or Susan Ward's mean comment that kinda bugged me for years afterwards? See, for a long time, Tiffany and Jason and Cristie and Shannon and Angiejay and Susan... they weren't even real people. Well, I mean, they were, but not here. They are characters in the story that I happened to be telling at that time. Most of you don't know Tiffany Abbott from Tiffany the Redheaded 80s pop star (though had I dated Tiffany the Redheaded 80s pop star, I would have been 15 at the time, and you'd better believe I'd have told that story.)...

...well, most of you didn't know her. Many of you do now.

Sidenote. When I say "story", I hope you rest assured in the fact that pretty much everything I tell you about the old days is pretty much the truth, or at least the truth as best I can recall it all these years later. So when I tell you the story of The Greg to Diamonds Foundation, where in 8th grade Ryan Frary, Chad Ward, Chris McCall and myself collected money in jars for two weeks to earn enough to buy a diamond ring for Greg Avant to give to Jennifer Lambert so she'd go out with him... that's a true story. Besides, if I said stuff like, "Yeah, I dated Stephanie Phillips and I was prom king with Beverly Day and when I went to college, I went on a mission trip to Belize with The Angel and..." someone would refute that. Especially now. My point is made. And if you think this is all a ploy to invoke as many old names as I can come up with... well, you may be right.

All of this came to mind the other day when none other than Julie Wise joined Facebook. Julie Wise, the tall, frizzy headed beauty that had my glances and my heart (for whatever that was worth in high school) during my junior and senior years, Julie Wise, who've I've referred to as The Official Clouds In My Coffee Samson High School Crush... she now has become techno savvy.

A friend of mine, Staceyfran, stopped by The Happiest Place in the Mall, and we discussed blogging. Her site is here, she's just getting started, so go check it out and give her some feedback. (okay Stac... you may or may not have any traffic, who knows... but now you gotta update in case company comes callin'...) Anyway, I mentioned, in passing, that Julie Wise had now joined Facebook and that I was going to blog about her arrival, and then I stopped to say, "You know, Julie, who..." and she cut me off. "Oh, I know who she is."

And for whatever reason, it just struck me that there's alot that I've said in four years. And who knows who is reading what? I mean, I can't do anything about it now... I'm pretty sure I've made jokes here and there at others expenses, but there again, remember... its almost a comedic characterization. And yes, I can think of one catchphrase in particular that wasn't very nice... I won't even mention it here, for fear of someone on Facebook sending it out, if it hasn't happened already. And I haven't used it in a long, long time. Because up until now, when Mikey or KT or J Rob or Paulie Walnuts read something about Julie Wise, or Angiejay, or Jennifer Herndon or Chris McCall or whoever... its a funny story.

But Facebook connects the freakin' world. For better or for worse. Of course, the simple answer is, "Just remove the blogs from Facebook". Sure. But remember why I blog. To be read. And if I can get 25 page loads per day from people clicking over from Facebook (and I do sometimes, mind you), there's no way I'm taking it down. Doesn't matter now. Too many people have it bookmarked.

So, fellow bloggers, just remember the old creed used by Ferb of "Phineaus & Ferb" fame.... "But the internet is forever."

Oh, for those of you wondering, here's a then (top) and now (bottom) picture of none other than The Official Clouds In My Coffee Samson High School Crush Julie Wise (yes, yes, its "Edberg" now, but it will always be "Wise" to me)


She's gonna go nuts when she sees this...

But believe me when I say this... as Athena-esque as she was then, and as pretty as I still think she is now...

...She's not The Lovely Steph Leann. So I personally think I got the better end of the deal. I wouldn't trade her for all the Julies and Tiffanys and Goddesses and Kate Winslets in all the world, cause she's just that fantastically awesomely lovely. Just sayin'.

Besides, both Julie Wise and I had (I still do, actually) large heads. She sent me a note a few days ago that said: "You know it is good we didn't have those NBA sized head babies..."

Welcome to Facebook... and to Clouds in My Coffee, Julie Wise. I hope you enjoy it.