More Evidence That YOU Don't Understand 12 Dimensional Chess

"Job Growth Falters Badly, Clouding Hope for Recovery," says the New York Times. "Economic outlook worsens as U.S. adds only 18,000 jobs in June," says the Washington Post. "June jobs report: Hiring slows, unemployment rises," says CNN. "U.S. jobs barely rise, unemployment up to 9.2%," says Reuters in the Chicago Tribune. "Dismal jobs report shows unemployment rising to 9.2%," says the LA Times. "U.S. Payrolls Rise 18,000; Jobless Rate Climbs to 9.2%," says Bloomberg. "Jobs Picture Gets Even Worse as Rate Swells to 9.2%," says CNBC. "June Jobs Report: Unemployment Rate Up to 9.2 Percent With Only 18,000 Added Jobs," says ABC.

"HOLY SHIT UNEMPLOYMENT IS SO HIGH AND THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD AND I AM SO SCARED FOR OUR COUNTRY," says everyone I know including millionaires who are eminently willing to pay more taxes because they are not garbage monsters.

Well, settle down, everyone! "Top Obama adviser says unemployment won't be key in 2012." Now don't you feel stupid?

President Obama's senior political adviser David Plouffe said Wednesday that people won't vote in 2012 based on the unemployment rate.

Now, if you're a big stupid-head who doesn't understand politics, like me, you're probably thinking, "Okay, player." But that's because you're a big stupid-head who doesn't understand politics. Let David Plouffe explain to you how you are going to be voting and why:

"The average American does not view the economy through the prism of GDP or unemployment rates or even monthly jobs numbers," Plouffe said, according to Bloomberg. "People won't vote based on the unemployment rate, they're going to vote based on: 'How do I feel about my own situation? Do I believe the president makes decisions based on me and my family?'"

And I guess through some magical combination of fairy dust and unicorn farts, people's personal situations will somehow stop being materially related to the GDP and unemployment rates and jobs numbers, and they'll start viewing tax cuts for millionaires and corporations as decisions for them and their families. Sure.

The remarks will likely irritate Democrats who think Obama and his political team have taken their eye off jobs.

Ya think? Possibly also people who were under the mistaken impression that Obama and his political team were capable of competent politics.

MYOB, Peasants

It's hard out there for the uber rich. Sure, Obama may be keeping Dubya's tax cuts for the wealthy, and sure, you can fill your coffers while still fucking over the American people, and sure, your money gives you access to an obscene amount of political power, but doggone it, those darn whiny poor people just can't stop picking on you about your grossly huge salary. Can't someone make krajillions of dollars without everyone sticking their nose where it doesn't belong? Huh? Huh? Won't someone help the poor wealthy?

Here’s one financial figure some big U.S. companies would rather keep secret: how much more their chief executive makes than the typical worker.

Now a group backed by 81 major companies — including McDonald’s, Lowe’s, General Dynamics, American Airlines, IBM and General Mills — is lobbying against new rules that would force disclosure of that comparison.

The lobbying effort began more than a year ago. It involved some of the biggest names in corporate America and meetings with members of both parties on the House Financial Services Committee and Senate banking committee.

The companies and their Republican allies in Congress call comparisons between the chief and everyone else in the company “useless.”

Of course, this has nothing to do with unchecked greed and smokescreening gross inequality.

Disclosing such comparisons “can mislead or confuse investors,” said Rep. Nan A.S. Hayworth (R[edonkulous]-N.Y.), who filed the bill to repeal the disclosure. “It creates heat but sheds no light.”

Ah, I see, it's so we don't get our widdle bwains all confused.

Okay, player.

Quote of the Day

"We have discussed it with the tours and we believe it is helpful to reduce the amount of grunting."—Ian Ritchie, chief executive of the All England Lawn and Tennis Club, who's fed up with all the lady grunters in tennis these days.

Just the ladies. Obviously.

[H/T to Shaker Whitney.]