Uncle Charlie Harper Dies a Tragic Death – Memorial Service Set For September 19, 2011

There is sad news for Charlie Harper – Charlie Sheen’s character on the CBS sitcom “Two and a Half Men”.

As we reported last week, CBS and executive producer Chuck Lorre have been hard at work, and moving full steam ahead with the new show format for the upcoming season of “Two and a Half Men”.

And now we have more detail about the new seasons plot now that Sheen is out and Ashton Kutcher is in.

Related: Ashton Kutcher is in charge now - Photos

It appears that on opening night of the new season Uncle Charlie will already be dead – the victim of booze, wild women, and possibly a tragic plane crash.

The show will open with Angus T. Jones who plays Jake, Jon Cryer, and others attending a memorial service at the now infamous beach house in Malibu.

Attending will be all of Charlie’s girlfriends from seasons past as well as a few other notable characters from the shows high points.

We hear that the Malibu beach house will go up for sale during the first show and there will be a host of real life famous people stopping by to look at the property.

Naturally you can imagine who the realtor will be – Mrs. Evelyn Harper played by Holland Taylor of course.

We can also confirm that Kutcher’s new character will be named Raymond.

We also know that somehow Allan, Jake, and Berta all get to stay in the house after the sale. Not sure how that will be written in but we’re sure Chuck knows what he’s doing.

We also hear that the character of Rose played by Melanie Lynskey will have a role, as will Judith Harper and Dr. Herb Melnick played by Marin Hinkle and Ryan Stiles.

So get ready to see Chelsea, Mia, Mandi, and maybe even Ms. Delores Pasternak stop by to pay their final goodbyes to the lowlife Charlie Harper.

We even suspect with all this family tragedy they are going to need a really good shrink and expect to see Jane Lynch return in full form as Dr. Linda Freeman.

Can’t wait….

But it’s going to be a busy fourth quarter for Ashton Kutcher as he is starring in the romantic comedy “New Year’s Eve” that is scheduled to be released December 9th.

“New Year’s Eve” has almost every A-list Hollywood celebrity in it including Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry, and Robert De Niro, and will follow the lives of several couples and singles in New York as they intertwine over the course of New Year's Eve.

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Charlie Sheen Roast on Comedy Central – Are We Ready for That? Do We Care? - Video

It hasn’t even been a year since our favorite warlock Charlie Sheen melted our hearts by appearing on every media outlet known to man to vent his drugged up ego.

Now, Comedy Central has announced that Sheen will be the focus of their latest comedy roast due to air this Fall.

We’ve already seen the roasts of Donald Trump, Pamela Anderson, Hue Heffner, William Shatner, David Hasselhoff, and others – but is it too soon to roast Uncle Charley?

Related: Two and a Half Men Bloopers and Out Takes

Normally, Comedy Central selects people who seem to have reached the “D-List” status of their careers and carry tons of public baggage and a wee bit of public disdain.

But what can be said about Sheen that hasn’t already been said?

We have a pretty good idea of how it will go down, and an even better idea how it all came about.

Remember Charlie’s “Live Torpedo of Truth – Defeat is Not an Option” tours he hosted shortly after being fired from “Two and a Half Men”?

Well, good friend and senior roaster Jeffrey Ross was on the road with Sheen and the two developed a routine where Ross roasted Sheen during every show.

Some fans said that portion of his show is what saved it from being a total train wreck.

Watch Charlie Sheen Get Roasted by Jeffrey Ross


Since Ross is a big dog at the Comedy Central roasts, it was a perfect fit to have Charlie be the next inductee.

There is also a bit of irony that seems a little bit more than coincidence. The Comedy Central Roast is scheduled to air the SAME night as the new season premiere of “Two and a Half Men” with new co-star Ashton Kutcher.

Related: Ashton Kutcher joins new Two and a Half Men

Call it a jab at “Men” producer Chuck Lorre, or just good marketing, but all eyes will be on the ratings to see who wins the time-slot.

Sheen does however make a perfect roast participant, and we’re sure it will be one of the better shows depending who is on the stage with him.

We’re ready for it, so as Charlie himself would say – “Bring it Comedy Central”

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Jon Cryer Comments on Ashton Kutcher Joining “Two and a Half Men” – He’s Thrilled!

After being silent for the last three months, “Two and a Half Men” veteran Jon Cryer is finally talking about the recent changes on the show.

Cryer, who plays Alan Harper, released a press statement saying that he is thrilled that “Men” will be returning and commented,

“I’m jazzed about the news this morning that ‘Two and a Half Men’ is coming back! For all the rest of the cast and crew I’m sure they are equally excited”.

He even thanked his one-time cast mate Charlie Sheen saying,

“I want to express my enormous gratitude to Charlie Sheen for eight great seasons. I’m extremely proud of the work we’ve done together and I will miss him. But I’m also looking forward to this new beginning.”

He went on to say the he and Kutcher go way back together and even added a little levity with,

“Ashton is an extraordinarily talented guy and his presence will be an asset to our show. We are old friends from our male-modeling days and we’re both looking forward to being judged for our comedic artistry, as opposed to our exceptional physical beauty”.

CBS and Warner Bro’s announced today that after three months of discussion and reinvention they had hired Ashton Kutcher to replace the fired Charlie Sheen.

Sheen was fired in January for repeated alcohol and drug abuse issues. He is currently suing CBS and Warner Bro’s for $100 million.

Kutcher will NOT be playing the part of Charlie Harper but rather introduced as a new cast member to the existing family. He will pull in almost $900,000 per episode compared to Sheen’s $1.8 million.

Kutcher, Jon Cryer, and Angus T. Jones will form the backbone of the cast while recurring characters like Berta, Rose, Judith Harper, Evelyn Harper and Herb Melnick will round out the cast.

No word yet on exactly how executive producer Chuck Lorre plans to write out Sheen’s character and bring in Kutcher’s, in fact we don’t even now the new characters name or his relationship to the family.

But if we know Chuck Lorre we suspect season 9 could be one of the funniest yet.

Go Chuck!

Related: See the official news release and cast comments

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John Cryer and Angus T. Jones to Star in New ‘Two and a Half Men’ without Charlie Sheen – Confirmed

It has been a brutal two months for Chuck Lorre.

Charlie Sheen was fired from his show “Two and a Half Men”, the remaining season was cancelled, and the future of the sitcom was unknown.

While there has been some speculation and many great ideas floated about, we didn’t really know anything solid – until now.

The Inquisitr is reporting that Chuck Lorre has confirmed to them that the remaining parts of the eighth season, and any new shows from that point on, will now focus on Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones character while a possible new character may be introduced.

It’s official – “Two and A Half Men” is BACK!

This was what we were hoping for all along. We knew there had to be a way to keep the show going, and Cryer and Jones are the perfect match to bridge any transition in plot.

One insider said,

“They already have the set, a group of actors with contracts, an audience, and a place to start a new plot. They would have been fools to not try and keep it going – even if it was for just one season to see how it goes. They could have a bigger hit on their hands now than they did with the old show and Sheen. Charlie thinks he’s indispensable – but he’s not.”

The deal most certainly looked attractive to both Cryer and Jones. Sheen was pulling in $1.8 million per episode, Cryer was earning $550k, and Angus (Jake) was making $350k per show.

With Sheen’s salary expense out of the way, producers can afford to spread that love around a little more to the remaining cast and crew – everybody wins.

Except Uncle Charlie.

While it is not clear what impact Sheen’s $100 million lawsuit against Chuck Lorre, CBS and Warner Brothers will have on the shows finances, some smart legal people tell us that Charlie will probably not prevail.

So let’s bring the show back with Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones as the new leads, and weave in larger roles for Herb Melnick (Ryan Stiles), Berta (Conchata Ferrell), Rose (Melanie Lynskey), and of course mother Evelyn (Holland Taylor).

That’s all we ever wanted. We don’t need Charlie Sheen anymore.

Go Chuck Lorre!

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‘Two and a Half Men’ has 50/50 Chance of Returning Says CBS - Decision Soon.

CBS Network brass is still contemplating what to do with “Two and a Half Men”.

With television sweeps starting next month (May), and up-fronts looming, CBS has to make a decision on what to do with season 9 of the once golden sitcom – and fast.

Ever since Charlie Sheen was fired from the show there has been speculation it might return for another season – with or without Uncle Charlie Harper.

Since his firing, Sheen has been on the road with his “Violent Torpedo of Truth” tour and has been telling his audiences that he desperately wants back on the show.

Not so fast says the show’s production staff.

One insider says that there is a 50/50 chance the show will return for another season. And if it does return – there will be changes.

Here is what we know for sure:

- Charlie Sheen is not welcome back on the show.
- Executive producer Chuck Lorre has a plot workaround to either replace Sheen or write him out of the series.
- No official offers have been made to any new actors.
- A decision has to be made before May 18, 2011.
- CBS really does want to try and salvage the show

Chuck Lorre has been telling the media that he has several ideas on how to continue the show – one that increases Jon Cryer’s role, and another puts Ryan Stile’s “Herb Melnick” character in a lead role.

We have also heard a couple unofficial “plot” ideas, sans Charlie Sheen, that all include using the existing actors, sets, writers, and facilities. Seems like a smart idea to us.

Our favorite has Rose downsizing and buying Charlie’s house after he gets thrown in jail in Bangkok. She then allows recently thrown to the curb Herb Melnick to move in with her, Allen, and Jake. Even Berta likes the idea and agrees to stay on.

One insider told reporters,

“The idea would be Rose buys the house and lets Alan, Herb, and Jake live there. We call it ‘Two and a Half Men – and Rose’. There have been lots of variations but it always comes back to the same fundamental movement of actors and their roles. It would be easy – and funny.”

It does sound like a nice clean, and believable, transition that could actually propel the sitcom into a whole new direction – both retaining the old fans and creating new ones.

We say bring us “Two and a Half Men & Rose”

Charlie Sheen and Warner Bros Dispute Efforts to Revive ‘Two and a Half Men’ – WB Tells Charlie to ‘Shut Up’

Sometimes it may be best if Charlie Sheen just says nothing.

Uncle Charley, Chuck Lorre and Warner Bros seem to be in disagreement over comments Sheen has made while out on the road on his “Violent Torpedo of Truth” live tour.

Sheen told the audience in Boston, and also a radio show, that he had been in talks with Warner Bros and everybody involved about returning to “Two and a Half Men”.

In fact, Sheen put the odds at about 85% that he would be returning.

But not so fast - Warner Bros seems to disagree. In fact, they think Sheen is lying.

Warner Bros not only disagrees, and says there have been NO talks, but their lawyers have fired off a letter to Charlie telling him to stop talking about the show and any discussion people may have had.

Warner Bros said in no uncertain terms,

"Those statements are false. As you know, there have been no discussions, there are no discussions and there will be no discussions, regarding his returning to or having any involvement with the series."

This kind of jives with everything we have heard – that there is absolutely NO chance that Sheen will ever return to the show.

There is also the small detail of the $100 Million lawsuit Sheen has filed against Warner Brothers. Awkward.

Sorry Charlie, looks like you better polish up that road show – you might be at it a while.

Chuck Lorre Reaches Out To Charlie Sheen In New Vanity Card

Ever since Charlie Sheen and executive producer Chuck Lorre began their epic feud, more viewers have become aware of Lorre’s “Vanity Card” routine.

Thursday night’s “The Big Bang Theory” was no exception.

After staying relatively mum on the issue, Lorre once again took to his vanity card to send his somewhat subliminal message.

Lorre, along with other “Two and a Half Men” staff, is being sued for $100 million by Sheen for a long laundry list of issues.

Since his departure from the show, Sheen has embarked on a live show that starts today across the country. Some critics believe the shows will be Sheen’s final downfall as ticket sales have slumped – regardless of what Charlie is telling everyone.

Related: Critics Worry About Charlie Sheen's Upcoming Live Shows

This week’s vanity card was one of the longest in Lorre history, forcing thousands of DVR users to fine tune their pause and rewind skills.

Here is what the vanity card said:

Whenever I've gone through tough times, well-meaning people have told me that God/the universe does not give us more than we can handle. Well, I've been going through a tough time recently, and sure enough, that old saying has been tossed my way on several morose occasions. After some careful consideration, I've decided it's bull$#*!. As an aphorism, it only makes sense in hindsight - after you've managed to crawl from the wreckage of whatever calamity that God/the universe decided to toss your way. No one ever uses it to comfort someone who's been hit by a bus or turned into a puddle of goo by flesh-eating bacteria (although in the right circumstance, that could be a hoot). Another thing I hear a lot is, "this too shall pass." Again, I know these are words meant to reassure, but somehow they always leave me feeling that heartbreak, rage and grief are going to come shooting out of me like kidney stones through an inflamed urethra. For someone in crisis, I think a more accurate and helpful assessment of reality would be, "Love, sex, food, friendship, art, play, beauty and the simple pleasure of a cup of tea are all well and good, but never forget that God/the universe is determined to kill you by whatever means necessary." Consider trying that next time you're called on to do some consoling. If you're feeling impish, you might also try, "According to the rules of comedy, your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time. Maybe not while you're having your gangrenous leg sawed off, watching your home burn down or learning how to be intimate with your cellmate, but, in the big scheme of things, soon."

No one can accuse Lorre of every holding anything back, and this message was no exception. This is not the first time the producer has targeted sheen. Just last month Lorre wrote that if Charlie outlived him he would be pissed.

All’s fair in love and Hollywood? Enough said.

Charlie Sheen Takes To Ustream for Episode #4

Spewing what sounded like some type of bizarre poetry, Charlie Sheen took to the airwaves again last night calling himself the Malibu Messiah.

In episode four of his now infamous “Sheen’s Korner – Torpedo of Truth”, Charlie blasted the four people he currently holds a grudge against. The worst was saved for executive producer Chuck Lorre.

We’ll let the video speak for itself.

Also yesterday, Sheen slammed his Two and a Half Men costar Jon Cryer saying,

"Jon has not called me. He's a turncoat, a traitor, a troll."

He said their relationship is over - so Jon Cryer shouldn't try to contact him now saying,

"What's there to say? I'll tell him, you're a little late. Goodbye, troll. You left me out in the cold with all your guilt and stupidity."

Cryer has said publicly that he is staying silent on the issue out of respect for Sheen and everyone involved, but will have an opportunity on Thursday to comment as he makes a special appearance in a sketch on the Ellen DeGeneres show.

Sheen did say that the youngest star of the show, Angus T. Jones was not a troll because he called.


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Charlie Sheen Fired – CBS Cancels Two and a Half Men

CBS and Executive Producer Chuck Lorre pulled the plug on the hit sitcom Two and a Half Men yesterday after Sheen went on several insane rants on the radio and in writing.

It started when Sheen called in to the “Alex Jones Show” and slammed CBS, Lorre, and others around him. Sheen calls Lorre a “turd”, slammed Alcoholics Anonymous, and called Thomas Jefferson a pussy. You can listen to Charlie’s rant here.

But there was more. Charlie proceeded to trash everything in earshot and was frequently unintelligible – ranting about trolls, warriors, F-18 Fighters, and the mysterious Vatican Assassins.

Things did not stop there. After executive producer Chuck Lorre and the brass at CBS heard Sheens comments they immediately stepped in and cancelled Two and a Half Men for the rest of the season.

Charlie Sheen then produced an “open letter” that truly shows the depths of the actor’s problems. Charlie ranted in his letter:

What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows ... I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Remember these are my people ... not yours...we will continue on together...

Charlie Sheen

Wow. Charlie is done. He has been dropped from the upcoming “Major League 3” because CEO James Robinson says he cannot risk working with another Lindsay Lohan. Robinson should know – he tried to work with Lohan on Georgia Rules and knows what can happen.

Charlie, put down the crack pipe and hookers and get your life back on track. When the world starts comparing you to Lindsay Lohan you are only moments away from death or jail.

RIP Charlie Sheen, the world really liked you there for a while.