Wanna Go Home?

Random emails of encouragement... written July 17th, 2001

So, sometimes I just want to go home. Have you ever felt that way? I don’t mean back to your apartment, though laying on the couch and watching The Queen Latifah Show while drinking chocolate milk would be nice. No, I mean real home. Home home.

I come from a small town... the big cities worries are a million miles away from Samson, where I'm from. Here in Birmingham, driving from home to work to church to home to Wal-Mart to Guthries to Food World to home and back again, I probably drive 50+ miles per day on average. Back in Samson? Three miles from the West city limit to the East city limit. I measured it with my odometer one day. My little town has two red lights... a Wal-Mart that could fit into Bruno's on 31 that is ten miles away in a nearby town... three gas stations... one video store... a graduating class of 45... life was so easy then.

And then, sometimes... I want to really go home. Life gets crazy. Maybe upsetting. Sometimes, not like I expected. How much easier would it be to be Home? Yes, I mean that Home. Up with the Father. Life will be so much easier there... you won't have to worry about hurts, pains, fears, worries, or any of that... won't it be nice? Well, there is something I would like to share with you today that, if you have felt or are feeling this way, may be of some encouragement.

Each week, I take a case of cds with me to work... some, like Jennifer Knapp, Watermark, Plumb, Alison Krauss, Dixie Chicks.... they stay with me every week. Some, like the Goo Goo Dolls, dcTalk, Jars of Clay, Sarah Brightman... they go into like a two week rotation in and out of my case. There are always about 10 spaces for cds that I haven't listened to in a long while, because with 320+ cds, I can't listen to everything on a regular basis. So, I try to pick out some cds I haven't heard in a long time. This week, I grabbed INXS, Sleepless in Seattle, Everybodyduck, Avalon, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Burlap to Cashmere, Amy Grant, WoW 97, Michael Bolton's Greatest and, finally, Steven Curtis Chapman's Greatest Hits.

(added note... so, obviously this was way before I ever got an iPod... I had to use a portable CD player at work, and clunky earphones that barely fit on my big head, or those back of the head earphones that made your ears hurt after a while, and the CD player was standard, and not one of those fancy pantsy non-skippy ones, which means in the car I had to set it on a towel or a shirt or something to insulate it so when I hit a bump in the road it didn't play the same line four times due to skipping and such, cause I was truly too broke to own much more than that... just thought I'd explain)

When Chapman released his greatest hits a few years ago, I went out and bought it immediately. I have great respect for his words, his life and his music. And the first song, a new recording on the album, is what caught my attention recently. I had actually written a completely different summary to "Not Home Yet" on Friday, but over the last few days, I decided to change my approach to it. When I think about it, what I had written on Friday was really just my words and what I thought... today's email is more God breathed and life-inspired.

Pop in the cd, and the very first track opens up with a three note melody that is almost haunting... as in, it sticks with you, it pierces you. Its this same melody that is repeated a few times before the words kick in... its almost a love letter from the author, originally God using Steven's hands, to us. Or, in this case, from me to you. It is intended for the strong Christian who is falling apart, for the weak Christian who can't seem to stand up, for the On-the-Outside-I-Look-Like-I-Got-My-Stuff-Together-But-Inside-Where-Only-God-Can-See-I-Am-In-Shambles Christian. It is a reminder that you, or I, aren't the only ones to feel this way... there are more. And it is a reminder to keep going. No matter how tough things get, keep going ahead. Keep journeying on. God has a plan, a place and a purpose for you, and if you are reading this, that means you woke up this morning, and as someone once said, "the fact we wake up in the morning means that God has something for us to do that day."

So, with that, I share with you the words that encouraged me yesterday, and hope that is gives you a lift, if you need one. : )

To all the travelers, Pilgrims longing for a home,
from one who walks with you on this journey called 'life's road' -
it's a long and winding road

From one who's seen the view and dreamt of staying on the mountains high
and one who's cried like you, wanting so much just to lay down and die
I offer this, we must remember this:

We are not Home yet...

Keep on looking ahead, let your heart not forget
We are not Home yet

So close your eyes with me
And hear the Father saying, "Welcome Home"
Let us find the strength in all His promises to carry on
He said, "I go prepare a place for you" so let us not forget

We are not home yet

I know there'll be a moment, I know there'll be a place

Where we will see our Savoir and fall in His embrace
So let us not grow weary or too content to stay
'Cause we are not Home yet
We are not Home yet
...so let us journey on...

Hope to see you on the journey... and if I don’t see you, hope to see you at Home. :)

Journey'ing on...

The Summer of Blogging Day Fifty

Feelin' Funky

For Day Nine of The Summer of Blogging, because its late and I'm tired and I'm wiped out and I didn't want to miss a day of writing but I still wanted to post... here is a random email of encouragment I wrote on September 7th, 2001... its for anyone in a spiritual funk.  Myself included.  Just being honest. I keep forgetting prayer works. 

"Feeling Funky"

If you are on a spiritual high right now, on top of the world, feeling like you could take on Hell with God and a water pistol (its possible... remember, with Christ I can do ALL things...), then this Encouragement Mail is not necessarily for you... come back and read it when that high comes down a little. Or, just delete it, if you are one of the lucky few who stay on a mountain all the time...


For the rest of you, those of you in a spiritual funk, as I feel sometimes, more often than not, I'm speaking your language. Heard a song yesterday I was giving to someone as an encouragement, and God turned up the speakers on my heart so I could listen to it... so I wanted to share it with you.

Got a witness not too stable, wouldn't get me very far

Got one hand on the table, one in the cookie jar...

You ever feel like this? Look at your life, and think "Geez, if I wasn't a Christian, and looked at someone who lived just like me, I wouldn't be very excited about becoming a Christian." One hand on the table, one hand in the cookie jar? One side of your life open to the public, on a perfect spiritual display... and the other hidden from view, where no one sees what you say, do, think... no one but God.

Got sins that need eviction, from a temple that’s a wreck

Got chains of contradiction hanging around my neck

Those sins that just won't stinkin' go away! You keep fighting them and fighting them, and when you think the battle is won, you lose again! A scene I can imagine in Hell's conference room, where they are assigning demons to people:

Demon 1: Boy, I hope I get that d$ assignment!
Demon 2: Really? I would think that a non-Christian would be easier... I mean, that Dave guy is like, big in church and stuff. Isn't that hard?
Demon 1: Naw, man, I had d$ last summer, cushiest job I ever had. You just sit back, he messes it up on his own!
Demon 2: Really?
Demon 1: Yeah, every now and then after that Bible Study I have to step in and try and cause problems, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but most of the time, I don't even have to do anything! He just screws up bad enough on his own! (Pause) Crapola! They gave me Emmy Turnbow duty! I hate that shift! Now, I actually gotta do some work!!

Feel the bitter winds grow colder, they are dancing with my pride

Got a chip on my shoulder bigger than a mountainside

Pride. Sheesh. That feeling of presumption that everything is simply peachy in my spiritual walk. That feeling that says, "Aw, gee, you went to church! You read the Bible... just last week! You're in good shape!" That chip, be it pride, selfishness, lust, presumption, disrespect, disbelief... doesn't have to be bigger than a mountainside... it can be the size of a pretzel, and still do some major damage in your life. Are ya feeling me?

And these claws of human nature hold me tight within their grasp

I'm not worthy of forgiveness but I just had to ask...

I feel like this many times. I picture myself just bound by ropes, with little sins written all over them... not the sins we would consider big... just a bunch of little ones, that combined, are more powerful and hold tighter than any of the bigger fallacies I could do. And no, I'm not worthy of forgiveness... and sometimes I ask like that. "God... I'm a dork, I know it... but please forgive me." Sometimes, I almost expect him to say, "You know, Dave, we've been through this... and this time, I'm not going to forget about it." Even though you know he never would... you think, "If I were Him, I sure would." Good thing you aren't Him, huh?

When I've all but killed the fire, and my soul's in desperate need

But I wallow in the mire of complacency

Complacency... ooh, big one. Spelled out... You know you need the nourishment that God and His Word can give you... and yet you just roll around where you are, with no motivation to move.

I want to taste the fruit I'm missing, and yet I feast only the bread

My desire's alive and kickin', but my drive is dead

There is so much out there that God is waiting to give to you and me! But we don't take it! Instead of all the wonderful fruits of love, mercy, grace, power he has for use, we sit on the steps munching on stale WonderBread (not even the Iron Kids kind!), wondering why our meals don't taste better! And my desire to follow God, to know God, to want God is always alive and kicking... but my drive never does anything about it!

You bear the weight of condemnation cleansing with the blood of truth

But! There is always a big But! Jesus... took all of this. Put it on his shoulders, had it driven through his hands and feet, had it poked in his side, had it forced upon his head in the form of a crown of thorns...

So with my humble acclamation, I want to give myself to You

After reading all this... if you think to yourself, "You know, d$, I just don't know where you are coming from... I'm not feeling you here, man," then you can stop now. But if you are thinking, "You know, that’s my life in a nutshell, that’s where I feel like I am..." then there is something you can do about it.

I go down... I go down, down, down... I go down on my knees

Thats right, folks. It’s called prayer. "But, I've done that! It’s not working!" I look at it this way... out of all the people in the world, there are probably only 1/10 of them that pray to God, ever. And out of those, I'd guess only 1/10 of them actually do it on a regular basis... with 6 billion people on earth, and only 1/20th of them talking to Him, do you honestly think that God is going to ignore someone who is praying to Him? He loves that stuff! Maybe you should skip the official prayers of "Oh, holy God, forgive my transgressions, and I lift my soul to thee that thou will fill me with thy grace and..." Now, don't get me wrong, that’s fine and all... if you mean it... but sometimes, you gotta get a little more plain-languaged with God, and talk to him like you would talk to anyone else...

Feed my hunger, slave my thirst for a spiritual rebirth

Light my darkness, move in me

"God... I'm messed up. I know of all these things I want to do, I know of all the ways I want to show you that I love you... but I just ain't doing it. It’s not a matter of not having time, cause I can make the time. It’s not a matter that I doubt you, because I fully believe in you. I just need you to come down here and get me moving, God." I'll have you know I prayed that prayer not more than two hours ago, before I even thought about writing this.

Make me more than what You see

And there's the tag line. "God... I know with you, I can be so much more than what I am now. Make it so. Please." And the scary part is... He will. That’s a promise.

As I go down on my knees...

Moral of the story... if you are feeling funky, like described above, the total spiritual overhaul begins with a word to God. If your car is broke, just leaving it in the driveway ain't gonna fix it... you gotta make the move to take somewhere and they'll take care of the rest, the hard part. Same thing with Him.

Oh, by the way... do you sometimes feel like this:

"I am told that God lives in me, and yet the reality of darkness... is so great that nothing touches my soul... Where I try to raise my thoughts to heaven, there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like knives... Love... it brings nothing. In my soul, I can't tell you how dark it is... I feel like refusing God."

Sounds harsh, doesn't it? Well, this is an excerpt from some letters written in the 50s and 60s, found in Kolkata (formerly Calcutta). The author? Mother Teresa. Yes, that one. See, you aren't the only one that feels funky from time to time.

Funk is a cool word, though, isn't it?

Funk lifting...
d$

Clumsy

This is what I studied tonight in my quiet time. Normally, I would leave it over in Delaware but tonight I just felt like there was a Coffee Drinker out there who might be a little encouraged that no, they are not alone in the sometimes troubling pursuit of Christ.

It brings to mind Amy McL... I've said this before, but its so relatable, I'll repeat it... we were discussing sin and the mire it causes, and she said (paraphrasing), "Sometimes I feel like I'm just so terrible, I want to sit in my sin and pout. All the while, God is saying, 'You are forgiven. Keep moving' and I say, 'Don't you understand what I've done?! How can you tell me to keep going when you know who I am?!' and God replies, 'I know who you are. I know what you've done. I know what my Son did for you. Now get your happy tail up and keep moving."

So, here's my thoughts on the whole matter...

Paul gets it. I would say "Paul got it", but I think while at Home, he gets it. Romans is great evidence of that.

To suggest I am anything like Paul would be a farce... his faith and obedience stood more on a random Tuesday than perhaps I've done in my entire life up until this very minute. But one of my favorite passages is in Romans 7... its like, a Well Intentioned Christ Followers Lament...

Paul writes:
Yes, I'm full of myself. I've spent alot of time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So, if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.

But I need something MORE! For if I know the law, but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin in me within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes, I can will it, but I can't DO it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly, its predictable. The moment I decide to do good (like quiet times every night) sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but its pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I've tried everything and nothing helps, I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contridiction where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different. (The Message)

Story of my life, really. This is who I have been and I'm guessing that many of you can relate to just such a thing. But there is hope. It's actually the passage I'm going to (re)read and (re)study tomorrow night--but for now, take heed in The Wonderful Cross, which bids you to come and die so that you can truly live.

The perfect song for this particular night, and passage, is from Chris Rice, one of his greatest and earliest hits... "Clumsy".

Think I'd have it down by now. Been practicing for 33 years.
Should have walked a thousand miles, so what am I still doing here?
Reaching out for that same old piece of forbidden fruit,I slip and fall and I knock my halo loose
Somebody tell me what's a boy supposed to do?

I get so clumsy, I get so foolish, I get so stupid that I feel so useless
But Your saying You love me, and You still gonna hold me
That You want to be near me, cause You're making me holy
Still making me holy, yeah

Gonna get it right this time, I'll be strong and make You proud
I've prayed that prayer a thousand times, but the rooster crows and my tears roll down (again)
You remind me that You made me from the dust,
and I can never, no, never be good enough, but that You're not going to let that come between us

Cause I get so clumsy, I get so foolish, I can get so stupid that I feel so useless
But Your saying You love me, and You're still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me, cause You're making me holy
Still making me holy

From where I stand, Your holiness is up so high, I can never reach it.
My only hope is to follow Jesus

Cause I get so clumsy, and I get so foolish
I can get so stupid sometimes, and I feel so useless
But You're saying You love me
And Your still gonna hold me
And that You wanna be near me
Cause Your making me holy
Still making me holy
Keep making me holy, yeah

You guys feel me on this one?