June 17th, 1994

(I actually wrote this last year on this date, but didn't finish it... so I had to wait an entire year for this to be relevant again...)

I'm sitting and watching one of the most fascinating documentaries I've ever seen, and its something I didn't think about today until I saw it... "June 17th, 1994" is the name of show, part of ESPN's 30 for 30 series--that's 30 documentaries by 30 filmmakers celebrating the last 30 years of sports stories...

Anyway, this particular show is directed by Brett Miller, and it chronicles one of the most famous (infamous?) days in sports history, Friday, June 17, 1994... here's what happened on that one single day:

Arnold Palmer, one of the legends of golf, one of the pioneers of the game as we know it today (I don't follow golf, yet I know about Arnold Palmer) played his final round of major golf on June 17th, 1994.  Clips show him moving slowly, as he misses a three foot putt near the end of the round (he played on the senior tour until 2005, which he retired from pro golf altogether)

Ken Griffey Jr hit his 30th home run of the 1994 baseball season, a shot over the right field wall off of Kansas City's David Cone, tying the record for most home runs before the end of June set by Babe Ruth.  Griffey had potential to become one of the greatest of all time, before injuries slowed his career.  He retired last season as an almost surefire Hall-of-Famer.  The 1994 season ended in a baseball strike.

The New York Rangers had their Stanley Cup Parade on June 17th, 1994.  They had defeated the Vancouver Canucks (who, incidentally just lost to Boston in the only other finals they were in) in a seven game series to win their first Stanley Cup in their until-then 54 year history.  It remains their only one to date.

The World Cup's opening ceremonies were on June 17th, 1994, at Soldier Field in Chicago, IL.  It was the first, and to this day, only World Cup to be held in America.  Germany beat Bolivia 1-0 in the first game, but Brazil defeated Italy in the finals to become the first country to win four World Cups.

Tied 2-2, the Houston Rockets and New York Knicks had Game Five of their seven game final series on June 17th, 1994, and for anyone who is a fan of the NBA, it was a monumental series.  Patrick Ewing, in his first NBA finals, looking to get the Knicks their first trophy since 1973, while Hakeem Olajuwon was in his prime.  The Rockets won this series 4-3, and would go on to sweep Shaq's Orlando Magic the following season for back-to-back titles.

And... there's OJ Simpson.

On my previous 9/11 posts, I've mentioned that there are certain moments in time, in the world of entertainment, history and the like, that you'll always remember where you were.  I'm too young to remember JFK's assassination, or even Reagan's assassination attempt (the former being 12 years before my time, the latter happening when I was only 4 or 5), two "Where Were You When...?" moments in history, but I remember four major events...

• I was in Mrs. Wikel's class when the Challenger exploded in January 1986 (and I was driving back from my very first day at Starbucks when the Columbia exploded in 2003, though that's not talked about a lot)
• I was at the beach with Darlene Bledsoe, Eddie Hamner and Margaret Dorman when Princess Diana was killed.
• I was working at WBPT, 106.9 The Point, with Rob & Shannon, when we discovered the World Trade Center was on Fire
• And, finally, I was working as a waiter between the summers of my freshman and sophomore year in college at The Wright Place in Samson, AL, set to turn on Game 5 of the NBA finals to play in the background while the diners ate, when CNN Headline News (my news channel of choice being a young Democrat at that time), announced that NFL Hall of Famer, Heisman Trophy Winner and movie personality Orenthal James Simpson was in the back of a white Bronco, being driven by who is thought to be friend and teammate Al Cowlins, and is on the verge of suicide--a warrant had been issued for his arrest that morning for the murders of his wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman. 

In this TMZ influenced, interweb crazy, know-anything-about-anyone-the-instant-it-happens Twitter kind of society that we live in, people who are say, 25 and under, don't get it.  They only know of OJ Simpson by what the interweb and Wiki tells them happened, but back on June 17th, 1994, when there was no interweb accessable, when there was no Facebook and Twitter to immediately let you know things as they occurred, what happened that evening with OJ was... surreal.  Unthinkable.  And like an overturned 18 wheeler burning on the side of the road, you couldn't not watch it, even though you know you had so many other things to do.  Let me tell ya, this was crazy stuff. 

Now, OJ Simpson is a punchline.  Everything from "Yeah, he's searching every golf course in this country for Nicole's killers!" to "I hope he knows how to do that Hertz airport thing in prison" is what you hear when OJ's name is brought up, but back then?  He was beloved.  No kidding.  Its kinda like the difference in Michael Jackson then (biggest pop star in the entire world) and now (freak of nature, not to mention dead). 

For today's culture, it would be like hearing the news that Kobe Bryant had committed rape and... wait, what?  Okay, um... it would be like hearing the news that Tom Brady had committed two homicides... golden boy, talented, loved and adored, and completely shocked that he'd do that.  (Had I written this post two years ago, on June 17th, 2009, "Tiger Woods" would have been the easy choice in that analogy, but now, not so much).  OJ played at USC, then was drafted by the Buffalo Bills, and later played for the San Francisco 49ers.  In addition to becoming the first player to ever run for 2,000 yards in a single season (finished with 2,003 in 1973) he did it in a 14 game season, as opposed to the 16 game season we have now.  OJ is also the only player to rush for over 200 yards in six different games in his career.  Because his nickname was "The Juice", the Bills offensive line was known as "The Electric Company".  They weren't very good, but that's a cool, cool nickname.  And in 1985, he was inducted to the Pro Football Hall of Fame... the same year he married his second wife, Nicole Brown (they divorced in 1992)

He started his entertainment career even before he was done with the NFL, starring in such movies as "The Towering Inferno" and "Capricorn One", and in the miniseries "Roots", he hosted Saturday Night Live once, he was in a memorable and legendary spot for Hertz Rent-a-Car, and of course, he was the one and only Nordberg in all three The Naked Gun films.   Bottom line is, this guy was awesome.  OJ was the man.

And then, June 17th, 1994 happened. 

A few days before Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman were found guilty outside of Brown's condo, apparently stabbed to death.  Police suspected OJ Simpson, and gave him until 11am, Friday, June 17th, to turn himself in.  By 2pm, the police had issued at APB for OJ, and at 5pm, Robert Kardashian...

(remember the days when Kardashian was somewhat of a respectable name?  At least it meant "lawyer".  And yes, he is the biological father of Khloe, Kim and Kourtney, with ex-wife Kris Jenner.  Where was I?)

Oh yeah.. Kardashian read a rambling letter issue by OJ, which sounded like a suicide note to many people.  At 645pm, police spotted OJ's white Ford Bronco traveling down I-405, but when they tried to pull it over, the driver--Al Cowlings--yelled that OJ had a gun to his own head.   They backed off, but continue to follow at around 35 miles per hour.  And so began this slow chase across Southern California, one that was picked up by just about every network, and cut in on all programming.   So here I am, 18, going on 19, waiting tables at a small, podunk restaurant, and every eye in the cafe are glued to the television.

The white Bronco continues, and people began gathering along the side streets and bridges, waving, cheering and holding up signs.  There were phone calls made from the SUV claiming there were guns, claiming there were death threats, and OJ yelling that he didn't do it.  The Bronco stopped in front of his Brentwood, CA, home where we watched it sit there for 45 minutes, we watched OJ go inside for an hour (and apparently spoke to his mother and actually drank a glass of orange juice), then come out and surrender to police.  Inside the Bronco, the police recovered $8,000 cash, some clothes, a passport, some pictures.... and a loaded .357 magnum and a fake moustache and gotee.   Thus ended a news story and low-speed chase that was watched by NINETY FIVE MILLION PEOPLE.  That's almost the amount of people who came to the first DeuceFest!

If you don't remember the results, the trial captivated the country a few years later, mostly because it was a ridiculous circus type event that Judge Lance Ito lost control over within the first few days.  And then on October 3rd, around 10am, the verdict came... I remember this day vividly too, because I was hanging out in the BCM when Joey Hinson, who lived in the apartment downstairs with Tad Roose, came out and yelled to no one in particular, "Hey!  The OJ verdict is about to be announced!" 

Several of us ran downstairs to hear the verdict, and all of us groaned.  Not guilty.  He got away with it.  I won't go into it here, but there is a mountain of evidence that was never even presented in the trial for one reason or another (like the contents of the Bronco), plus a whole lot of goofs by both sides.  Some years later, he was sued by the Goldman family, and a verdict of guilty was returned, with a penalty of $33,500,000 against OJ, but California law prevents pensions, like the his from the NFL, to be used in judgements, so all the Goldmans got was about $500K from the sale of OJ's estate and belongings.

When doing the cover art, The Goldman Family
had the "IF" reduced, so "I DID IT" would be
the only words you'd see clearly

After a 2000 Rolling Stone article was released revealing how much money OJ was making from signing autographs, he moved from California to Florida--where the law prevents an estate from being taken to collect a debt... OJ gets away again.

He skirted another judgement in January 2007 when a restraining order was dismissed, one that would have prevented him from spending any advance money from a cancelled book deal... one that had its rights auctioned off later that year, and was then awarded to the Goldman Family... the book was called "If I Did It: Confessions of the Killer". 

After all the skirting and escaping he had done legally, you'd think OJ would buy a house on the beach somewhere and settle down, maybe just be quiet.  But OJ strikes again--in September of 2007, a group of men led by OJ stormed into a Vegas hotel room and robbed the occupants at gunpoint.  He was arrested, and after all the other defendants turned on OJ and confessed against him for reduced sentences, OJ was convicted in September of 2008.

And in a huge "MY BAD, DAWG... HERE'S THE MAKE UP" from the United States Justice System, OJ Simpson was sentenced to 33 years in prison, with the possibility of parole in 9 years (2015).  He's in the Locklove Correctional Center in Nevada... inmate #1027820.

And thus ends the long, strange saga of OJ Simpson.  I'm afraid that nowadays, there are people out there who probably think he was railroaded, and completely innocent, not because of their beliefs in the evidence and trial, but because... well, so much time has gone by, its becoming a faded memory.

But not for me.  I'll remember June 17th, 1994. 

The Summer of Blogging, Day Seventeen

Star Wars Episode IV: A Troy Hope... The 13th Anniversary Director's Cut

In 1997, I was watching Star Wars on television, sitting in the bedroom of My Best Mate Wookiee at our little apartment on Thomas Circle in Troy, Alabama.  My first class was already over, and I was at my apartment for lunch, or just to kill time or whatever... either way, my next class started in about two hours, so I was just wasting the day away.

And inspiration hit me.  Star Wars.  Troy.  Combine the two.  Toss in a few familiar names, poke some fun at some people in a harmless jest, and be very sarcastic with the university that we all love, but love to make jokes about--Troy State University.  And even though I was Greek (Faaaaaaarmhouse... we are one, after us its all been done, we're the best fraternity, brotherhood for eternity...) I still found myself laughing at those people who took the Greek system sooooo seriously.

I sat down in front of My Best Mate Wookiee's computer, with Word '97, and started typing.  And three hours later, after I had already missed my class (and the next one too), I was finished and was printing it out. 

Before you read, let me give you some back ground... Kevin Spivey was a good buddy of mine from Troy State, and he lived with a guy named Clif (with one F).  There was a girl named Donna who had a thing for Clif at the time--I must tell you that Donna was and is just the sweetest girl you could meet (and actually holds a spot in my memories on September 11th, 2001, but that's another story).  Anyway, if you ever read this, Donna, this was done in fun and high spirits. 

The girl I had interest in was named Chrissy (who ended up marrying a fraternity brother of mine, Drew).  Jim and Geno were also a couple of FH guys who were tight.  Uncle Bob was a big guy from the day with a fondness for tats.  And our villian was a Kappa Delta sister with a super short haircut that Spivey and I suspected... well, possibly played for the other team--hence the name Dike Vader.  Looking back, that probably wasn't true at all, but I never said Spivey and I were nice people.

I won't spend time going through all the other people and references, because we'd be here all night, but I wanted to point out some of the inspirations for the main characters.  Really, though, many of you won't get most of the jokes, unless you were there--if you were there, then you'll laugh when you read words like "Brundidge", "Ziggy's" and "The Front Porch".  Old school Farmhouse guys will know.  Several of the BCM'ers will know.  Many will not.  But... you can still read along, and perhaps find a few chuckles anyway.

Anyway, I re-read the entire thing when I pasted it into this post, then started making a few changes.  I mean, its the... 13th Anniversary Special Edition Director's Cut, right?   Nothing vital has been changed, all dialogue is the same, with few exceptions, and I even added a light or two for continuity. 

Finally... I would rate this anywhere from PG to PG-13.  Remember, I was in college.  98% of this would be Emmy Turnbow approved, but I did notice (and laugh heartily) a joke in the Princess Rescue scene that might make some go "Oy..." so reader beware slightly. 

Anyway... here's our feature presentation.
 

A Long Time Ago... At a University Not So Far, Far Away.....

Episode IV: A Troy Hope

It is a period of civil war.

Really cool good guys, striking

from their hangout at Center Park,

have won their first victory against

the evil TSU Greek System.

During the battle, spies managed to steal

secret plans to the Panhellinic Council's ultimate

weapon, the Kappa Death Star, an armored chapter

room with enough makeup and false friendships to prove

every myth about sororities stupidities to be true.

Pursued by the Panhellinic's sinister sisters, Princess Chrissy

races home aboard her Saturn, since she is the custodian of the
stolen plans that can save her people and rid the campus of fakeness

CHAPTER ONE
Princess Chrissy flew her ship as fast as she could, but the bigger Pan-hellinic Destroyer was right behind her. She knew she had to get these plans to back to the Rebel base on Center Street, but she knew she wouldn't make it. Besides, if she didn't hurry, she wouldn't have a parking space.

As lasers exchanged between the tiny Rebel cruiser and the much larger Panhellinic Destroyer, two droids scrambled about. Jim3PO and GenoD2 scurried from corridor to corridor trying to find an exit.

"This pisses me off!!" Jim3PO screamed.
"(*#%&*$*," GenoD2 replied.
"Oh, shut up.  Not everything pisses me off..." Jim3PO retorted.
"(@!)#*#)*" GenoD2 said again.
"Yeah, I guess you are right.  Everything does piss me off."

The doors became weak from the pounding suddenly upon them, and then were blown open completely. Although the Rebel troops were there to fire upon them, they were no match for the SAETroopers, who of course, were so stoned they couldn't feel it if they were shot anyway.

Princess Chrissy raced to find GenoD2 and inserted a CD.... the plans to the Kappa Death Star. She then reached around and inserted her DC Talk CD . "I love this CD.... I want to keep it safe," she thought. Suddenly, a force of SAETroopers came running around the corner.

"Hit her!!" one exclaimed.
"You say you have a hit?" the other asked. "Well share it, man."

They blasted her and knocked her out. When she awoke, she stood in front of a large, dark, skinny figure, with a dorky helmet and short hair.

"Dike Vader, only you can be so bold," Princess Chrissy snarled. "We are on a diplomatic mission..."
"Oh shut up," Dike Vader breathed heavily. "You have stolen secret plans, and you are part of a Rebel Alliance and a traitor. Take her away!"

Dike Vader turned away. One of her many sisters came up beside her.
"Holding her is dangerous." the sister spoke. "She so goshdarn nice to everybody, she might get sympathy from one of her friends."
"She knows too much..." Dike Vader snarled. "And she needs to wear more flannel."
"She'll watch Beavis and Butthead before she'll tell you anything."
"Leave that to me."
"Also, an escape pod was jettisoned to a nearby planet. Since the plans aren't anywhere on this ship, they must be in the pod."
"Send a search team to find those plans."

CHAPTER TWO
Jim3PO and GenoD2 landed with a thud on the planet Tattoo. As they began to walk across the rocky, sandy terrain, Jim3PO began to gripe and moan... as usual.

"This sucks." Jim3PO griped.
"#&$%^@" GenoD2 beeped.
"What makes you think there are settlements over there? What mission?"
"(*$&@*&^"
"Yeah, I could use some vodka too. Maybe there is a Ziggy's Deli around here somewhere."

The two droids began to walk north. Right around nightfall, they came upon a little hut in a canyon.
"Kevin!!' they heard in the background
"I'll be there in a minute, Uncle Bob!" came a reply.
As they neared the top of the hill, they saw a yellow landspeeder Amigo, with a young man working under the hood. He looked up and saw the droids.

"Hello," he spoke. "You must be lost."
"#(&*@^" GenoD2 beeped.
"This is GenoD2, and I am Jim3PO. We have come from an escape pod from a Rebel ship that had fallen under attack."
"You are in the Alliance?"
"Yes."
"#(*&$@#$" GenoD2 beeped.
"What's he saying?" Kevin asked.
"He keeps babbling about some mission he must finish. Plus, we both need a drink."
"I am KevSpiveyWalker. Come on inside. I probably have a fifth of Jack somewhere. I'll clean you up."

They went inside and Kev grabbed a rag. He leaned over to wipe down GenoD2 and accidentally tripped a switch. A hologram shot to the floor of a young lady.
"Help me ObiClifKenobi, you're my only hope. Help me ObiClifKenobi, you're my only hope..." it repeated over and over.
"Who's this chick with the funky hairdo?" SpiveyWalker asked.  Then he obeserved her purple jacket. "That jacket looks cozy..."
"#*&@^$"
"Sir, GenoD2 says it's a private message for ObiClifKenobi."
"I wonder if he means old Clif, who lives in the hills. He used to be a pretty cool guy, but then he got married, and lost touch with everybody."

Uncle Bob came in the hut. "Kev, I want you to go down to Brundidge and pick up some power converters. Harvest is coming up."
"I know, Uncle Bob.... I was thinking maybe if we have a good harvest this year, I can submit my application to the academy this year."
"Kev, you know we have to make enough to finance my new tattoo."
"But I wanted to go thiiisss yeeeaarrrr!" Kev whined.
"Oh, quit whining, you baby," Jim3PO replied.

Uncle Bob left, and Kev turned to the droids again.
"Well, to get to the bottom of this, we have to find ObiClifKenobi," Kev said. They went out, and loaded up the Amigo Landspeeder and took off. Of course, on the way, it started raining and they got behind a Wiley Sanders truck. Kev began to cuss it, and Jim3PO spoke, "Shut up,"
The three pulled up to the apartment where they thought Clif lived, and knocked on the door. Clif answered.
"Are you ObiClifKenobi?" Kev asked.
"I haven't gone by that named in a long time. Come in, young SpiveyWalker."

CHAPTER THREE
"Yes, I knew your mother," Clif answered. "The best pilot in the galaxy... before the KD's killed her.. I have something for you."

Clif walked over and pulled out a little bar. When he pressed a button, a beam of energy shot up.
"A lightsaber... the true weapon of a Jedi."
Kev began to play with the lightsaber while Clif began to ramble about some crap on how the Jedi used to rule the campus, before the IFC/Panhellinic Dark Times, blah blah blah.  Kev was only sort of listening.
"How did my mother die?" Kev asked.
"A young Jedi named Dike Vader, who was a pupil of mine until she joined the Lesbetarian Church, turned to the Dark Side. Dike betrayed and murdered your mother. Dike was seduced by the Dark Side of the Force."
"#*&^$$" GenoD2 beeped.
"Okay, I think it's time we heard this message."
GenoD2 beamed the hologram of the young lady with the funky hair.

"General Clif," the hologram spoke. "You were in a stage play with my father. Now he begs you to help him. I wish I could be there, but these stupid KDs have attacked me, and my mission to bring you to Gardner Hall has failed. I have placed information about the Kappa Death Star in this GenoD2 unit. You must see this droid safely delivered. Help me ObiClifKenobi, you are my only hope." The message disappeared.

"Kev, you must learn the ways of the Force if you are to come with me to Gardner."
"And destroy KD's? I am there."

CHAPTER FOUR
The sorority sisters sat in a big circle in one of the chapter rooms, arguing over who was prettier, who had better hair, who's date to formal was hotter, and of course, about the rebellion.
"The rebellion is dangerous."
"Dangerous to your starfleet, Commandette, not to this chapter room."
"The rebellion will continue to gain sympathy from Chancellor Hawkins..."

The dispute was interrupted by the entrance of Dike Vader and Grand Moff Tucker.
"Hawkins is not a concern," Tucker smiled. "I have received word that I have faked and charmed my way into Hawkins giving us control of the regional SGA senates. Fear will keep the students in line. The last remnants of the old Greekless republic have been swept away."
"We are in search of the plans as we speak," Dike Vader smiled her lesbian smile. "We will crush the rebellion in one single blow."

CHAPTER FIVE
"The Front Porch Cantina... a harbor for all the fraternity scum you would've ever wanted. We'll find a pilot here to take us to Gardner." Clif said as they entered the town.
Clif and Kev went inside while Jim3PO and GenoD2 waited.
"*&$^%"
"I know, Geno, I wanted some tequila too." Jim3PO sighed.
Kev walked up to the bar and ordered a drink, while Clif was talking to some hairy guy.
"Mmmhp Mhhme" the guy beside Kev grunted.
Another guy stepped in, "He likes you."
"I'm sorry," Kev smirked and turned to his drink.
"I like you too. You just watch yourself. We're wanting men."
"I'll be careful," Kev tried to turn away.
"You'll be gay!" the guy whirled Kevin around.
"This one is not worth it," Clif stepped in.

The two leaped at Clif and Kev, but in an instant Clif fired up his saber and chopped off the arm of one of the two.  The bar stopped to see the commotion, but then went back to their conversations.   The hairy guy from before went past Kev and Clif.

"Fulaytarbacca is the copilot of a ship that can get us to Gardner." Clif spoke as they followed the Wookiee.
"I'm Dave Solo, captain of the Millennium Supreme." the incredibly charming, attractive and humble guy in the cool jacket behind the table spoke. "Fulaytar here says you are looking for a way to Gardner Hall."
"Yes, if it's a fast ship." Clif said.
"You've never heard of the Supreme? It's the ship that made the Disney Store run in 27 minutes. I've outrun Troy State RentaCops. What's the cargo?"
"Myself, SpiveyWalker, and the two droids. And we want to avoid any imperial interruptions."
"Ah, secret cargo.... that's gonna cost you. I'm thinking ten thousand."
"What?" Kev shrieked. "We could buy our own ship for that."
"And who's gonna fly it, you?"
"Don't get smart with me, you dirty Mexican. I'll kick your teeth in."
Dave Solo thought it best not to arouse the temper of the young SpiveyWalker, so he turned back to old Clif. "When do you want to leave?"
"As soon as possible. We can pay you 2000 now, and 15 when we get to Gardner."
"Seventeen? You got yourself a ship. BCM parking lot, the last handicapped spot on the left."

Clif and Kev left the table, as Dave turned to Fulaytar. "Seventeen thousand!! This could really get me out of debt. Get to the ship and check all the fluids."
Fulaytar grunted and left to the parking lot. Dave started to go out the other direction, but was stopped by Burko. Phillip Burko, the bounty hunter.

"[Going somewhere, Solo?]" Burko asked in his Lambda Chi Alphese tongue.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I was going to see your boss," Solo replied.
"[Too late]," Burko grinned. ""[Discover Card has put a bounty on your head so large every bounty collection agency hunter in the galaxy will be looking for you.]"
"But this time I have the money."
"[If you give it to me, I might forget I found you.]"
"I don't have it with me. Tell Discover Card..."
"[Discover is through with you]"
"Shut up..." Dave replied, shot him, and walked out.

Meanwhile, on the Kappa Death Star...
"The resistance to drinking is stronger than I thought," Dike Vader snarled.
"I told you trying to get her drunk so she would tell you the plans location was a futile effort. Let's try something else." Grand Moff Tucker smiled. "Captain, set your course for Gardner."

On Tattoo, the SAETroopers, stoned as they may be, found the Supreme just as they all were getting on.
"Fulyatar, fire her up!!" Dave yelled as he ran around the front to get in.
"This thing is a hunk of junk!!" Kev yelled as he dodged laser blasts.
"She'll go from zero to 60 in seven seconds. Now get on!" Dave jumped in. "Fulaytar, get us out of here!"
The Supreme blasted off, but they had DeltaChi Fighters on their tail.
"There is a Panhellinic Destroyer back there too," Dave said. "Fulaytar, hold them off until we can make the jump to OverDrive."

The Supreme flew in and out of the lasers from the Destroyer, and then suddenly, in a flash of light, the OverDrive jump was made and the ship flew into the darkness.

CHAPTER SIX
"Governor Tucker," Princess Chrissy grimaced as she walked in. "Come on, Donna, let me go."
"Sorry, dearie." Tucker sighed. "We've always been good friends, so you don't know how hard it was signing the orders to terminate your life. I would like you to be a witness to a demonstration that will make this Chapter Room Battle Station operational.... now where is the Rebel Base?"

"The more you tighten your Greek grip, the more independents will slip through your fingers."
"Not after we show everyone the power of this station.. Since you will not help us, we are going to test this station on your home planet of Gardner."
"No! Gardner is peaceful!! It's mostly just unknowing freshman!! You can't do that!!"
"Where is the base?"
Princess Chrissy bit her lip, closed her eyes, and muttered, "Clements. It's on Clements."
"Very well," Grand Moff Tucker said. "Captain, you may fire when ready."
"NO!!"
"You are far too trusting, Princess Chrissy. Besides, Clements is all the way across the campus, but don't worry, we'll deal with them later."

From the Kappa Death Star, a huge cannon shot a laser across the sky, as Gardner was blown into a million pieces. 

Clif, who was watching SpiveyWalker do his Jedi exercises, went to sit down.
"Are you okay?" Kev asked.
"I felt a tremor.... I think I have a headache. I feel like millions of freshman have been yelling in confusion."
Dave Solo came in, "We should be coming upon Gardner anytime now."   Fulaytar and GenoD2 were in the corner playing Phase 10.

CHAPTER SEVEN
A guard came in to see Grand Moff Tucker in her conference room. "Ma'am, we searched Clements, and there is nothing. Well, actually, there is a lot of crap on the walls, and it smells pretty bad, but no Rebel Base."
"She lied to me!" Tucker yelled. "How could she lie to me!"
"I told you so," Dike Vader replied.

The Supreme began to rock to and fro.
"We have gotten to Gardner, but it's gone," Dave Solo looked on the monitor.
"Whaddya mean it's gone? You can't just make a dormatory planet disappear," Kev asked.
"It's been blown away, by the Panhellinic Council," Clif said. Fulaytar grunted to show the radar.
"There's another ship coming in... it's one of those small Teak Fighters." Dave Solo flipped some switches. "Must've been part of a convoy and gotten lost, but he won't be around much longer."
Fulaytar jammed the Teak signals as they got closer to it.
"It's heading for that moon over there," Kev said.
"That's no moon.... it's a Chapter Room." Clif replied.
"Fulaytar, put it in reverse!!" Dave yelled. Nothing happened.
"Rowwrrrr"
"I know, we are caught in the tractor beam!" Dave turned to the panels. "I'm shutting her down."

Dike Vader came into Tucker's room. "An Oldsmobile Freighter has just been captured. It was entering the remains of Gardner.... they must have the plans. Princess Chrissy may be of use to us."
Dike Vader walked toward the ship, and then stopped. "I feel a presence in the force." Without a word, she turned and walked away.

The five heroes of our story hid in the trunk. Slowly, Dave lifted the top and looked out.
"I say we go kill all of them," SpiveyWalker said.
"Yeah, me too," Dave Solo agreed.

Two SAETroopers came around the corner. Stoned out of their minds, they saw Fulaytar. Thinking there were five Wookiees as opposed to one, they both fainted.  Kev and Dave put on their suits.

"Don't look at my butt, you perv," Kev said to the Wookiee.

CHAPTER EIGHT
They slipped their way to a control room. GenoD2 plugged in to a computer to download the Panhellinic System.

"*^&%&^^&"
"Geno says the tractor beam controls are on the third level." Jim3PO said.
"I must go alone," ObiClifKenobi said.
"Okay," Kev said.
"See ya," Dave replied.
"You must see the droids to their destination. Follow your destiny, young SpiveyWalker." Clif said, and then disappeared.
"$&$^^#@%"
"What's he saying?" Kev asked, pointing to GenoD2.
"He says he's found her, the princess is here." Jim3PO replied. "On the detention level 5, level AA."
"Princess?" Dave Solo exclaimed..
"I don't care, I am sitting my behind right here," Kev sat down.
"#*$&**"
"Geno says she is scheduled to be terminated," Jim3PO said.
"Hear that, Spivey! They are gonna kill her!" Dave Solo said.
"Better her than me."
"She's rich.... I know you have Discover bills too."
SpiveyWalker turned around, "How rich?"
"Pretty rich... you should see their house in Mobile."
"You better be right... "

CHAPTER NINE
In their SAETrooper garb, they walked a hairy FulaytarBacca, bound in cuffs, into an elevator.
"This helmet smells like pot," Kev commented.
The elevator stopped and the three walked out.
"Where are you taking this... thing?" asked the commander.
"Shut up," Kev just started shooting people. FulaytarBacca broke his cuffs, grabbed a gun, and began to shoot as well. In a matter of seconds, all the troopers were dead.
They shot all the cameras as well, but they heard a voice over the intercom, "What's going on? Report, report!!"

Kev looked on the control panel and found the Princess's cell, "Here it is, 2187... you go and get her, I will hold up here."
"Report, report!"
"Um... uh..." Kev took the mic, "Everything is fine here, normal."
"What happened?"
"Um, slight weapons malfunction... everything is fine though.... how are you?"
"Who is this?"
Kev just cussed it and shot it. "Dave, we are about to be real busy!"

Dave Solo (as the music plays in the background) found and opened the door to the Princess' cell.
"Aren't you a little sober to be a SAETrooper?"
"I'm Dave Solo, I'm here to rescue you!"
"Who?"
"Dave Solo... I'm here with Clif Kenobi."
"Um, don't know him either... oh yeah, the ObiClif... he was a PCO leader!"

As they dashed into the hall, Kev and FulaytarBacca came running their way.
SAETroopers flooded the hall as Kev, Fulaytar, and Dave fended them off. "This is some rescue," Princess Chrissy said sarcastically.
"Don't make me do a Beavis impersonation." Kev replied, firing away.
Princess Chrissy grabbed a gun and fired a hole in the floor. "It's the Alumni First Floor!!" She jumped into the hole.
"Get in there, you sasquatch!! I don't care what you smell!" Dave Solo yelled at FulaytarBacca, who finally jumped in the hole.
"Wonderful chick, Dave," Kev yelled. "I think I am going to have to kill her!"
Dave Solo leapt into the dark tunnel, followed by Kev.
All four where in the trash pile they call Alumni first floor.
"This place is funky!" Kev shrieked.
"Did you even think about how we were going to get out of here?" Princess Chrissy asked. Fulaytarbacca just banged on the door, which wasn't opening.
"He's the brains, sweetheart.... what kind of material is that on your coat?" Kev replied.
The walls shuddered and suddenly began to come together. Kev grabbed his comlink. "Jim! Jim! Where are you?"
"Right here, sir," Jim3PO replied from the little control room.
"Shut down everything on the Alumni first floor!!"
"Oh, okay... you leave us here to die, and now you want us to help you!"
"Stop being so pissed off and help!"
"You say we never do anything with y’all, and yet you leave us here! You didn't want us to come with you!"
"Shut up and do it, before I have to come kick your...”
"Okay, okay, jeez..."

The walls stopped when they were about three feet apart from one another.
"Let's get out of here," Kev commanded.
"Now listen to me," Princess Chrissy spoke. "I don't know who you are or where you came from, but from now on, you will take orders from me, I am in command."
"What are you, some kind of control freak?" SpiveyWalker's nostrils flared. "I take orders from one person... me, got that?"  He reached out to touch the velvety texture of her jacket, but she yanked her arm away.
"Dave, get your walking carpet roommate out of my way," Princess Chrissy walked past FulaytarBacca, who just grunted and scratched.

CHAPTER ELEVEN
Clif snuck behind a column and tripped a few switches to shut down the tractor beam.
Meanwhile, the four came to a window to see the docking bay.
"You came in that teal thing?" Princess Chrissy asked.
"Yeah, you should've seen my Buick." Dave Solo replied.
They whirled around to see a legion of SAETroopers heading towards them.
"Split up!" Kev yelled, as Dave Solo and the Wookiee went one way, leaving Kev and the Princess.
"Can I feel your coat?" Kev asked.
"Come on, let's get out of here!" the Princess yelled.
They ran into a hallway that came to an extending bridge. Kev grabbed his rope and swung it to catch it on the rafters.
"Hurry, they are coming," Princess Chrissy shrieked.
"Heh heh, you said coming." Kev grinned.
As they started to go across, they looked at one another.
"Don't kiss me," Kev said.
"You wish, Captain Grey Hair." Chrissy replied, as they swung across.

CHAPTER TWELVE
Clif pulled out his saber as he walked the halls. He rounded a corner and ran into Dike Vader.
"The circle is now complete," Dike Vader said. "When I left you, I was but the simple pledge, now I am the Lesbian Sister."
Their sabers clashed as they exchanged useless banter.
"You can't win, Dike Vader." Clif smiled. "If you strike me down, Faith will become more angry than you can ever imagine."
Dave Solo and FulaytarBacca hid behind a corner, as Kev and Princess Chrissy came up behind them.

All the SAETroopers were watching the fight between Dike Vader and Clif... not the battle itself, but when you are that stoned, sabers put off some very interesting light.
"Let's go!" Kev yelled as they ran towards the ship. GenoD2 and Jim3PO came up, with Jim still ranting and raving about nothing.
As they dashed towards the ship, Clif lowered his saber and allowed the Dark Lesbian of the Sith to strike him down.
"Sorry Clif," Kev said amidst the gunfire, "but I ain't stopping."
The Millennium Supreme blasted off into space.
"We did it!" Princess Chrissy exclaimed, hugging Fulaytarbacca.
"Rowrr," was the reply, which in Wookieese is "You didn't do a crapping thing... what's this we stuff?"

"Are they away?" Grand Moff Tucker asked.
"Yes," Dike Vader said.
"Are you sure the homing device is on the ship?"
"Yes. We will follow them to their Rebel base, and destroy them. Soon, all the campus will be Greek and answering to the whim of superiors like Kappa Deltas and Alpha Gams!"

Princess Chrissy and Dave Solo sat in the cockpit, while Fulaytarbacca was repairing in the back.
"We've got to get GenoD2 to our Rebel base, so we can find a weakness to the Kappa Death Star," Princess Chrissy said. "It's not over yet."
"It is for me," Dave Solo said. "I've got bills to pay. I expect to be rewarded."
"And you will. If money is what you love, then that's what you'll get." Princess Chrissy got up and walked out, as Kev was coming in.
"She's cute," Dave Solo said.
"Trying not to think of her," Kev replied. "I think she likes you."
"You think she likes me? That'd be cool."
"No, nimrod.  I think she likes DREW"
"Who's Drew?"

CHAPTER THIRTEEN
The Supreme landed on the planet FarmHouse, and GenoD2 was plugged in to be analyzed.

Dave Solo, Fulaytarbacca, and Kev sat and listened to the administrators talk, while Princess Chrissy attempted to take her hair out of those buns it had been in for the last twenty pages.

"The Chapter Room is heavily shielded, and carries a snobbiness about it greater than half of Troy. Its defenses are designed around a large scale assault, but it doesn't consider a small one man ship to be a threat. If a shot can be made here, in the chapter rooms cosmetic and bow storage, the loss of these vital sorority items will cause a chain reaction of selfconciousness to go throughout the Panhellinic Council, which will lead to the self-destruction of all of them. You will have to maneuver straight around this quad to a target area, which is only about two meters wide."

"It's not impossible," Kev told Dave Solo," I used to bullseye third graders in my Amigo back home, they’re not much bigger than a meter or so."

Grand Moff Tucker viewed the screen to see the rebel base in sight.
"We should be able to fire upon the base in about thirty minutes," Dike Vader said.
"You know, you didn't have to kill Clif," Tucker whined. "He's so cute... he would've made a great prisoner."

Kev SpiveyWalker came out in his X-wing gear to see Dave Solo loading up his money.
"Why don't you stick around? It's getting fun," Kev said.
"I can't, I have Discover bills to pay off," Dave Solo replied.
Kev walked away, and came up to Princess Chrissy.
"Good luck, Spivey," the Princess said.
"You need to go talk to Dave," Kev said.
"Why, to see if I could get him to stick around, because he's a good pilot and he would be good for our cause?"
"I don't care about that, but I think he likes you. Go talk to him, or something."
"I'm not going to kiss you now either.... no offense."
"None taken."

CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The X-wings began to lift off and head towards the Kappa Death Star. The chants were heard, as all pilots sounded off.

"Gold leader standing by," Kev spoke.
"Red leader, standing by," Langer said.
"Blue leader standing by," Adam Ellis said.
"Orange leader standing by," Wilkes said.
"Black leader standing by," Terry Tucker said.
"Green leader standing by," Jazz said.
"Aqua Leader standing by," Drew said. 
"Rainbow leader, standing by," Jason Scott said.

The ships began to move into attack formation, as they neared the Kappa Death Star Chapter Room battle station.

"I'm going in," Kev said, as he steered his ship into the trench.
"I'm gonna follow," Forrest Miller said. He didn't get very far, because Kev blew him away.
"What did you do that for?:" Green Leader Jazz asked.
"Cause I got tired of him," Kev replied.

A guard came into the room where Dike Vader stood, in all her masculine femininity.
"Lezzy Vader, their ships are too small for our guns."
"We'll have to destroy them ship to ship," Dike Vader said. "Get the Delta Chi Fighters and the Sigma Chi Fighters ready.

Kev looked on as he saw an X-wing crash into the surface. "That was only Sloppy... I can do without him too." He knew it was Sloppy from the rebel flag flying from the ship's engine.

Kev... trust your feelings...

For a second, SpiveyWalker thought he was hearing things. Then he thought it was all that pot smoke inhaled from the SAETrooper helmet. Then suddenly in the background, GenoD2 started playing Jesus Freak.

Princess Chrissy, on Farmhouse, looked up, smacked her forehead with her palm and yelled, "That's where I left my CD!"
"Okay, here come the frat fighters!" Red Leader Langer yelled.
"I see them," Kev flew around and blasted a few. Ink, his good friend from back home who was never mentioned before in the story and probably won't be until the 20th anniversary special edition of this story comes out, flew in behind him.

"We are switching to targeting computers," Blue Leader Huck said. "I can't maneuver!"
"Stay on target!" Yellow Leader Szymendera said, taking a drag from his cigarette. "Can you fire, Mauve Leader?"
"I am on it," Mauve Leader Nathan responded.
"This is it," Periwinkle Leader Wyatt exclaimed, diving into the trench. "Let's prepare our attack run."

Huck, Szymendera, Nathan and Wyatt went into the trench with Kev and Aqua Leader Drew.  Rainbow Leader Jason Scott did his best to cover them from behind.

The Sigma Chi fighters followed them in.

"I am in range," Nathan said. "Hold them off for a few seconds... almost there... almost there..."
"I can't hold them!" Wyatt yelled as his ship exploded from a shot from behind.

Dike Vader and two KDs came into the trench, following the others.
"Almost there.... It's away!" Nathan yelled.
"Did you get it?" Kev asked.
"No good, didn't have enough fingers to fire it right."

Kev was getting set for his attack run, as he saw Huck and Nathan go down in flames.
"Okay, you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself, doggone it," Kev smirked. "Wilkes... and Pink Leader Ink... get set, we are going full throttle, top speed, I'm talking all the way."

The three ships flew faster.

"Will we be able to pull out in time?" Wilkes asked
"Just like Thrill Hill back home," Kev asked.
"We are taking a lot of shots from that tower ahead," Ink said.
"You take care of those Sigma Chi Fighters, I'll worry about that tower."

Faster and faster they went, down the trench, to certain doom. Dike Vader and her two KDs came right up behind.

"I'm hit.... " Ink said. "I've got to pull out... but I'll be back to be insignificant another story." His ship flew out.
"I'm hit too!" Wilkes shrieked, but he didn't have time to pull out. His ship exploded in a ball of flames.

As the doom music played in the background, Kev looked into his scope.

Use the force, SpiveyWalker.... came the thought,.

"Uh, no Clif.... I'll miss it."

No you won't, SpiveyWalker

"Would you shut up? I'm trying to concentrate."

No, turn off your scope... your eyes can deceive you

Kev cussed him.

It's so endearing when you cuss... fine, I'll shut up

"Thank you," Kev said.

"The force is strong with this one," Dike Vader said, behind him.

"Kev, is there a problem?" Princess Chrissy asked. "You are talking to yourself."
"Nah, I got it. Shut up."

Dike Vader got Kev in range, but suddenly, a shot came from nowhere. Dike Vader's ship veered to the left, and the other two crashed into each other, exploding.
"Okay, SpiveyWalker, blast this thing so we can go home. We've got study hall tonight!" came Dave Solo's voice on the comlink.
Kev fired the shots that went in, and a few seconds later, the night sky was filled with bows and Mary Kay as the Kappa Death Star exploded into a million sorority pieces.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The doors opened, and Kev SpiveyWalker, Fulaytarbacca and Dave Solo walked out to the large ceremony room. Each side was lined with troops standing in their best uniforms. The music played as the three heroes walked to the front. Princess Chrissy, hair in braids now, stood before them.

GenoD2 and Jim3PO stood polished, as Princess Chrissy leaned over and placed a medal of honor on Fulaytarbacca, and then gave him a leg of lamb. She placed a medal on Kev SpiveyWalker, and then gave him a replica of her jacket. She then put a medal on Dave Solo, and handed him her phone number.  He smiled, then smirked when he saw that she was pointing to the number, then to a guy standing in the front row.  It was Aqua Leader Drew.  "Can you give this to him?" she mouthed.  Dave Solo sighed and nodded.

They then faced the crowd in the moment of glory.

35 Things for 35 Years

"And the white line's getting longer and the saddle's getting cold, I'm much too young to feel this dadgum old.  All my cards are on the table with no ace left in the hole, I'm much too young to feel this cotton-pickin' old" -- Garth Brooks


So, as I sit here in my easy chair in The Cabana, new big screen playing one of my favorite movies of all time, the time has passed, that time being 815p.  I'm now officially 35 years old, officially in my mid-thirties.  The years have been good to me, I'm blessed beyond any form of measure, from my upbringing, to my mother taking care of me, to my grandparents adopting me and giving me all that I needed (and a few things I wanted)

So here's my rundown, year by year, of some things I'm blessed with and happy for in all my 35 years.

1975
My mother giving birth.  And keeping me.  That's awesome.

1976
The year that Stephanie was born.  Yeah, I could go with her later on, since I won't meet her for another 25 years, but I'm pretty happy for 1976.

1977
Star Wars is released.  What a great film, what a great

1978
"Garfield" makes it debut.  Who doesn't love Garfield?

1979
The Muppet Movie.  The Muppet Show.  And my affinity for the Muppets begins.

1980
The Empire Strikes Back, one of the greatest films of all time, and one of my first real movie-going experiences.

1981
Adoption is a great, great thing.

1982
"A Dog Called Kitty" by Bill Wallace.  Released in 1980, this was my favorite book as a child.

1983
Scarecrow & Mrs. King.  Man, I loved this show.

1984
Samson, baby!  From Austin, Texas, to what would become my own little home town....

1985
Chris McCall, my first real Samson friend at Samson Elementary School. 

1986
Tonya Windham.  Had to mention her. 

1987
Greg Avant.  Completing my Triad of BFFs in Samson, Greg and I go waaay back.  I saw a ton of really crappy movies with him, riding in this little LTD Ford that, were you to wash it and remove the clay and dirt, would leave nothing but two seats and a steering wheel.

1988
Rush Limbaugh hits the airwaves as a nationally syndicated radio program.  And good thing too, because not only was Clinton around the corner, but He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected was down the pike.

1989
Hollywood Studios!  Yay! Even though it was 18 more years before I could visit, at least it was open!

1990
Discovered the Interweb, sitting at Greg Avant's house.  He had this thing on his little black screened, orange lettered computer called "Prodigy".  We looked up movie reviews.  It tapped into his phone line.  Completely weird.  We were on it for like, five hours.  And I'm sure the phone bill that month at the Avant house was larger than normal.

1991
What a year for movies!  "Silence of the Lambs"... "New Jack City"... "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves"... "The Last Boy Scout"... "T2: Judgement Day"... "Beauty & the Beast"... "Boyz in the Hood"... "Dead Again"... and I'm sure I saw a bunch of them with Greg at some point.

1992
"I'd Die Without You" by PM Dawn is released, off of one of my favorite random album, the soundtrack to the movie "Boomerang".  This would be my favorite song for the next 16 years, only to be slightly replaced by "Possession" from Sarah McLachlan.



1993
Troy State University!  Go Trojans! 

1994
Wookiee.  Wookiee.  Wookiee.

1995
A few days into the year, I met up with Reggie McAllister at a Farmhouse Fraternity Party.  And there, the seed was planted... and a few hours later, in my bedroom at 3am, I accepted Christ as my own Savior.  And the road has been awesome. 

1996
The BCM.  And this is where I would meet some of the most important people in my life, like Jenn Mullturp, Shelby, Troy Mac, Rad a Tad, Hinson and more. 

1997
Farmhouse Fraternity.  Never been a Greek kind of guy, but I did love the social aspect and brotherhood in my frat.

1998
Birmingham!  I just figured out, like, just now, that I have lived in Birmingham, AL, longer than I have lived anywhere else in my entire life.  Seriously... Orlando for two or three years, Austin for about five or six, Samson for nine, Troy for five

1999
Valleydale BAPTIST Church.  It has always been an sbc fellowship, however. 

2000
The Deuce is founded.  Life changing experience.

2001
Common Ground.  It was a church ministry for those in-betweeners who had just left college and really had nowhere to go, and for those in college.  I guess "College & Career" would be more like it, but "Common Ground" sounded better.

2002
WalkAbout.  The drama team of middle schoolers that have enhanced my life in every possible way.

2003
Starbucks.  I loved my job then, I love it now.

2004
Married my life partner, soul mate, best friend. 

2005
My iPod.  Has revolutionized how I listen to music, and finally introduced me to podcasts. 

2006
This site.  Now, I know it started in 2005, but it really got going this year. 

2007
Dave Ramsey.  What can I say?  His plan is difficult. But it works.  We're proof.

2008
Disney.  I loved that job.  I miss it. 

2009
Steven & Calah Ray.  We love these guys, always good for dinner at Mellow Mushroom.

2010
MZ.  My manager and very, very dear friend, and I count it a blessing and honor to have her as both.

This is by no means a comprehensive list... there were a dozen things or more in some years I could have listed.  So, there are 35 things for 35 years, random things I like, love, count as blessings and favorites. 

I'll leave you with this... the video for Toby Keith's "Ain't As Good As I Once Was"...



I used to be Hell on wheels... back when I was younger man, now my body says 'You can't do this boy', but my pride says 'Oh, yes you can.'  I ain't as good as I once was, that's just the cold hard truth.  I still throw a few back, talk a little smack when I'm feeling bullet proof.  So don't double dog dare me now, 'cause I'd have to call your bluff.  I ain't as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was.


Maybe not be good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was...

Samson Blog I: Knee High to a Puddle Duck

The following is an overindulgent walk down the Memory Lanes of Samson, Alabama, my hometown and where I'm from. What started out being a three page post ended up being an 11 page post that I've been forced to break up into 4 parts for better readability. Part of it was that you could read and learn more about your author, and perhaps identify things in your own life, in your own upbringing that were similiar, or were perhaps far off. Part of it was to just remember the day as it was... just about perfect. In weather. In time. In smiles. Overall. Not perfect. But close. Anyway, here's part one...

Part I... "...Since You Were Knee High to a Puddle Duck..."

"You have this obsession with the past, don’t you?” I was asked recently. Pondering this thought, I replied, “No. I just want to remember where I came from, I want to remember the parts of my life and the people in my life who made me who I am… plus, I want these memories fresh so that I can draw what I need from them as I write my book.”

It’s always a funny thing when I go home. Sometimes I expect to see everybody, and see no one. Other times I think I won’t see a soul that I knew from back in the day… and I see more than one or two familiar faces. Such was my trip last Monday.

I had a couple of days off from The Happiest Place in the Mall, and since I worked at The Most Caffeinated Place on 280, I thought I could make a day trip of it to my hometown of Samson. I hadn’t been back since Thanksgiving (direct all comments about what a bad son I am to me, with the subject heading “too busy”), and especially since the events on March 10th.

For those of you not familiar with the lay of the Alabama land, or unsure of where I was headed, I took I-65, after a quick stop at Whataburger for breakfast, down to Montgomery. Typically, you would get on I-85 headed to Atlanta for about 7 miles, get off on Taylor Road, cut across to Highway 231 and head to Troy. I actually got off of I-85 this time on Perry Hill Road, went over to Vaughn Road and up to Eastern Boulevard. The only difference really is this is an extra 10 minutes or so, and I went through a little of Montgomery, rather than avoiding most of it on the roads described above. From Eastern, I turned onto 231, and it gave me a glimpse of the Montgomery Mall. I used to work there in 95 and 96 at The Disney Store, but over the years I think the cost of complimentary Kevlar to customers was too expensive, so they shut the whole mall down. I heard it was pretty dangerous there for a time.

Troy is 45 minutes down the road from Montgomery, and I would turn right onto Highway 87. This time, though, I took a shortcut in Troy over to downtown, stopped by WTBF to say to my old program director, Doc Kirby, but he wasn’t there. I stopped by the house on Three Notch Street where Wookiee and I lived from June of 94 to May of 95, lamented melancholy about the fact the Crowe’s Chicken was now some cheap Chinese takeout.



This old house was actually broken into two or three apartments, owned by Mr. & Mrs. Ferguson. Wookiee and I lived in the back part, one huge bedroom, heated by gas heaters that you had to light (meaning high, high gas bills) and ten foot ceilings. And there was a trampoline in the back. I split my favorite pair of Duck Heads when Lisa Murphy, Kathy Hollingsworth and I were jumping on it, in 1994.

Stopped over at The BCM, stepped in, talked to our old campus minister Brad Bensinger, and then took a walk around the campus. I actually kept my eyes peeled for a few people that I knew at Troy, but alas, to no avail.

What’s amusing to me is how I’ve carried on about how much it has changed, and when you go into the Adams Center, this is totally apparent. The food court has gone from The Grill/Trojan Room to an open court area with an A&W Root Beer stand, a Chick Fila, a smoothie place and more. I just wanted to grab some freshman, shake them and say, “Do you realize what you have here? This is a gold mine, I tell ya!” See, when The Lovely Steph Leann and I paid off all debt last year, much of it was credit cards. If I had access to an A&W and a Chick Fila on campus, I can’t imagine how bad it would have been.



How does the food court look like this? There was a wall running right down the middle back in the day, separating two rooms!

Beyond that, the landscaping now added (with a fountain!) to the class building quad and a few touch ups to the athletic areas, really… not that much has changed. There is still the porch swing where Heather Howell and I sat and… you know, I can’t remember if I asked her out the first time there, or she broke up with me there. Good times? Bad? I don’t know. Anyway, the big hill is still the same.

Walk through the Barnes & Noble (!) and you get to the student offices, and the big open couch study area—it’s the same. Alumni Hall is pretty much the same, just with newer tile. I went in, and it smelled the same. Even went into the restroom to visit my favorite stall from back then—and it looks the same. Yeah, I know, they’ve redone it, but there is only so much you can do to a place like Alumni, short of leveling the place and rebuilding, a la Clements or Dill Hall. Clements is now what Cowart was back in 1997, and Dill is gone completely, replaced by Hawkins Hall. I stopped a sorority girl and asked her what Hawkins was, and she told me it was education. She then turned her nose up and walked off. Must have been a KD. (Oy!)

Did my tour, snapped some photos of old and new, then got back in the car, drove around to both Thomas Circle (the Wookiee/Dave dig for 95-96) and Willow Terrace (the Wookiee/Dave/Brunson crib for 96-98) then got back on 87 for the remainder of the trip. About 8 miles out of Troy, you come to a fork in the highway… well, you can go straight or veer a slight right, and the slight right will take you through the towns of Jack, Alabama (home of the Zion Chapel High School rebels, our band rivals for like, a year or two—and I really don’t know why), then through Elba, Alabama (where it flooded in 93—water was up to the clock tower, so if you ever go through there, you’ll see it) and then to Samson.

I, however, stayed on the straight and two-laned, headed to Enterprise, Alabama, if for no other purpose than I just wanted to. Took the highway (after all this time, I still can’t tell you the roads through Enterprise). Stopped at the Cannon Food Mart for gas—again, a nostalgic venture… I would wait tables at The Wright Place in Samson, then leave around 10pm, drive to Enterprise and get on the air at midnight until 9am. Elisabeth Bradshaw told me she used to sit up and listen to me. Made me blush. But I would always stop at the Cannon Food Mart, if not for gas then at least for snacks.

Took the country roads towards Samson, and came upon Five Points. Now, in Birmingham, Five Points is a thriving little community of clubs, bars, dives and such… Five Points in south Alabama is a junction where five county roads come together. One, the one I was coming from, leads to Enterprise. Take an immediate right and you’ll go off somewhere to a dead end. Take the other right and you’ll go through Sellersville and get to Samson. Take a left, you’re in Coffee Springs in three minutes. And go straight, which I did, and you’ll run slap into Highway 52. I got to Highway 52, took a left, and went towards Geneva. I stopped and saw my friend Jennifer for a few minutes, did some talking, left and was on the road to Samson.

As I drove, I began to think that I needed some good music for a drive through town… had to be something that I was listening to when I was in high school… Sheryl Crow? No. She didn’t pop up until college. Hootie? Same thing. Plumb? Geez, that was early 2000s… wait… what about… Janet Jackson. “Rhythm Nation 1814”. I put that CD right on in, and began to jam to “Miss You Much” and “Rhythm Nation” and as I hit Samson’s city limits, I heard the music of “Love Will Never Do (without you)”. It was awesome.



Samson, Alabama. This is the same picture that you saw in March, only this time I'm taking it, and this time there aren't cops and state troopers and police tape everywhere. This is just a typical Monday.

Drove into town, saw that there is now a Mexican restaurant in Samson, Alabama, and I laughed really, really loudly. Moved slowly, just soaking it all in. Didn’t know how the town had changed, wasn’t sure what would be different. The peanut mill still looks the same. Another feed store is going out business. Looks like another few store fronts are now empty. The old Piggly Wiggly that had become another grocery shop that at some point spent time as a tobacco shop is now nothing but an empty shell. Bill’s Dollar Store is nothing now. Choice Video has a new façade. And wouldn’t you know it, Merchant’s clothing is still there.



Choice Video... they are finally getting rid of VHS movies. They don't even rent them, they are just selling off their inventory of them. You know how places have a certain smell? Not a good smell, not a bad smell, just a certain scent? Choice has had that smell for 20 years.

I pulled up in front of Sandy’s Beauty Shop on Main Street, stopped and hopped out, hoping that Sandy would be inside. The Sandy I speak of is Sandy Wright, middle daughter of Forrest and Charlotte Wright, owners of The Wright Place restaurant that I waited tables at for something like 7 years. The oldest, Jennifer, was who I visited earlier in the day. The youngest, Cristie, was who I was supposed to marry, at least according to half the customers who came into the restaurant. Sandy? Well, let’s put it this way…

What The Angel is to Troy, Sandy Wright is to Samson. Just a vision, especially when you are in 9th or 10th grade and she’s graduating high school. But, alas, no one was there. I looked in, the store was empty, and so I just looked around the town. Glanced over at The Big/Little Store, which looks like nothing every happened. The bank looked busy as well, and traffic was actually a little busy through town—for Samson, anyway. Walked across the street, took some photos, and was walking toward the western side of town (mind you, downtown consists of two blocks long) when a car drove past me, slammed on brakes, backed up and swerved into a parking spot directly in front of me. I waved, not knowing who I was waving to, and it was in fact, Sandy Wright.


The old Wright Place restaurant I used to wait tables in. I was awesome. I could do the whole four-plates-on-one-arm thing, with three glasses of sweet tea in the other hand.

Her last name is no longer “Wright”, and she has a beautiful daughter now, but her accent and friendly demeanor hasn’t changed at all. We chatted for a minute, I told her I had been to see her sister, and Sandy asked me if I was planning on going to see Forrest & Charlotte. I told her I hadn’t actually seen my own mom yet, but I would try to make it out that way. Sandy left, on her way to Dothan for her daughter’s doctor appointment. I walked around a little more, then decided to slip into Choice Video for a minute.

Ms. Holland was behind the counter, and looked at me strange when I walked in. “Can I help you?” she asked, and I told her I was just looking around. Choice Video opened up across the street back in the 80s, and I remember getting my first ever video membership there, and my first video was “Coming to America”. Funny movie. I toured the store a few minutes, and again, she asked me, a little more suspiciously, “Can I help you find something?” I smiled and replied, “I used to rent here when I was a kid, a way long time ago.”

She tilted her head, paused and said, “What is your name?” I told her, “I’m d$.” Another pause as this sunk in, her face brightened and said, “Oh my gosh, d$... wow…” Now that the comprehension was complete, she said, “Well, you used to rent from me when you were knee high to a puddle duck!” Only in Samson, Alabama, really. We started chatting about the old days, the town, and of course, the tragedy of a month earlier. “It was a terrible day, d$. It was a terrible, terrible day,” Ms. Holland sighed. I asked her to give my best wishes to Wesley and Brandy, friends of mine from the old days, and left the shop.

Finally, it was time to head to my parents house, the house I grew up in. So I did.

Next... Part II: Tammy Ward & the Library Books