All of these lines across my face... tell you the story of who I am... so many stories of where I've been... and how I got to where I am
At heart, I'm a nostalgic person. Seriously. I hold on to things I should've let go a long time past, if for no other reason than that something might have a story I can tell. This is much to the dismay of The Lovely Steph Leann, mind you.
Probably the focal point of this entire argument is the famed Ren & Stimpy Toilet Paper. For you young folk out there, Ren & Stimpy was a cartoon that would come on Nickelodeon on Saturday nights. My high school Saturdays were spent working at The Wright Place restaurant, waiting tables in Samson, Alabama, pining for Julie Wise, The Official Clouds in My Coffee High School Crush, though really preparing to end up marrying Cristie Wright. Not that I was planning that, but that's what I was supposed to do, according to everyone in the cafe, anyway.
Ren & Stimpy would come on, I would make sure to plan my 20 minute meal break around that time, and watch it on the cafe television. And laugh, really, really hard. I mean, how can you not laugh at a fake commercial for a game called "Don't Whiz on the Electric Fence"? Classic.
This love for Ren & Stimpy carried through my freshman year in college, where I became fast friends with Mandy Stewart, Miranda Bryant, Bobby Black, Bradley Grantham and a host of others who somehow impacted my life either in small or large ways.
It was the Christmas of 1993 that Mandy Stewart gave me a roll of Ren & Stimpy Toilet Paper as a gift. It was wonderful. It was hilarious, and I loved my friend Mandy--weirdly enough, she was probably one of the top ten most beautiful girls I'd ever met, yet I never had a thing for her. Personally, I was a Spring Tolson fan myself, but she was unreachable.
Where was I?
But these stories don't mean anything... when you've got no one to tell them to... it's true... I was made for you
Anyway, I haven't talked to Mandy in about... six years? Seven, maybe? Yet, I still have that toilet paper. I mean, you don't want to use it--I'm not sure of the life of the quality in a roll of TP, but I'm sure 15 years is more than can be expected. Why do I still have it? Perhaps I've had it for so long now, its crossed the "But I've Had This for -- Years" threshold... when you have something for soooo long, its just hard to get rid of. I should.
The only sentimental value of it is just a memory of a good friendship that I had for a season of a few years, a friendship that actually had begun to fade away before we even lost contact--you know how that is, you become close to someone, and over time you slowly but surely drift in different directions.
My friendships, solid for a time, with Allyson Guy, Eddie Hamner and Melanie Dill were just like that. Solid for a season, some years, some months and then *poof*. They go from being people you trust will give their life for you--and maybe they still would, who knows--to people that aren't anywhere on your list to call if you had a flat. Not to say they wouldn't help, again who knows, but they wouldn't be on my list.
I climbed across the mountain tops... swam all across the ocean blue... I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules... but baby I broke them all for you...
My whole point is nostalgia. I have a number of items that I haven't rid myself of, perhaps because the only thing they do hold is the opportunity to tell a story. The t-shirt I have that says "I Love NY" on it, signed by the members of the 2002 Mission Trip team from Shades Mountain, including the aforementioned Melanie, is in a box. I talk to the team slim to none, though I've made several Facebook connections, yet the t-shirt affords the chance to tell the story of the puppet show in the park, or how the term "Some Detours Are Worth It" became the mantra for the trip.
What's funny is that, even as I heralded all the memories the t-shirt held, I sat for a second, frozen, thinking of something. Finally, the mantra came out. Perhaps its time for the t-shirt to go.
I have a bad habit of woulda shoulda coulda thinking. Seriously, I need to stop. I have always said there were two things I would go back and do if I could zip back to 1988... the first is invent Build-a-Bear.
Think of this... a store that sells teddy bears, but YOU have to come in and make your own, doing the work, then you pay me for it. That's brilliant.
The other is I'd write Harry Potter. At this point, probably from memory. Oh, don't worry, I would anonymously send JK Rowling a check for a few million, making sure she was okay with life. And I would NEVER, EVER make Dumbledore gay. There's no sense in that. In fact, its just stupid. But I digress.
Oh because even when I was flat broke... you made me feel like a million bucks... you do and I was made for you
But in my woulda shoulda coulda... what if I had lived in a home that wasn't filled with cigarette smoke for my 18 years growing up? Looking back, I'm sure I smelled freakin' awful, especially when I sweat. The Official Clouds in My Coffee High School Crush Julie Wise woulda totally gone out with me, I'm sure. Well, maybe, but I would have had a better chance. Or what if I had actually gone out with Cristie Wright? This wasn't out of the realm of possibility, for a while anyway, so I'm not just grasping at straws here....
In my woulda shoulda coulda world... what if I had never applied for a credit card that freshman fall? What if I just went to school, say two quarters (Troy State was on quarters until the fall after I graduated, then they went to semesters) then worked a quarter? What if I had never gotten two Visas, a Mastercard and a Discover?
In my woulda shoulda coulda world... what if I had paid attention when coming through Elba, instead of running that red light and crashing the Ciera? Or stayed awake when coming home from Enterprise, instead of falling asleep at the wheel and crashing into a telephone pole? Or paid attention when turning left towards The Deuce, instead of just blindly turning in the path of a black Mercedes, driving by Gangsta Pimp? Or stood my ground for the cheaper, more economical Tercel instead of being pushed into the bigger, pricier Sable?
All things I wonder.
In my woulda shoulda coulda world... what if I had studied a little harder, not lost my scholarship because I was lazy for a few months and all that hard earned money had stayed in my pocket and not gone to pay for school? What if I had made it work with Jennifer Mullins? What if I had asked out Elisabeth Bradshaw that night on the golf course? Or what about Melanie Jackson? Julie Echols? Chrissy Bullock? (All married now with kids, or on the way at least). Or Amy Wible? That alone is a story that I could write for days. And did, actually.
In my woulda shoulda coulda world... what if I had actually asked out Mary Ann Crittenden again? (this is only assuming she would have said yes, an assumption I make blindly, unsure of the actual answer at that time, and unsure that I want to know) In this world, I'm not thoroughly convinced that God has One Certain Person for each. Perhaps He, in His wisdom, has a couple, though knowing what He has in store for you, but allowing you the free will to choose what your plan is, versus what His might be? I bring up Mary Ann in this particular line of thought not by coincidence, but in thinking that she might be one of those particular people.
Now, I don't say this out of any dishonor or disrespect for The Lovely Steph Leann... I'm pretty sure she had one or two "What Ifs" in her life, a couple or two of One Certain Persons... heck, she woulda shoulda coulda ended up with Jason Quinn (!) and I have another friend of mine who asked her out, before she and I started dating. She said no, but she might've said yes. But, it makes me think...
In my woulda shoulda coulda world... what if... when The Lovely Steph Leann Campbell had told me in the fall of 2001 that she loved me... what if I had admitted what I knew to be true, yet took me another 9 months to admit... what if I had told her the same. That she was who I was supposed to be with. What if? That's a whole other year we could have added to our story.
Let me wrap this part of the discussion up by saying very plainly and clearly--whether she was My One Certain Person, or the One Certain Person He had for me at The Most Divine Moment, either way, The Lovely Steph Leann and I were meant for each other. Just be around us awhile, you'll probably see that.
One of my favorite things to hear is "I love hanging out with you guys... you guys are so fun together". Not "cute", which I'm sure is nice, but "fun", as in, we are a couple that people enjoy being around as much when we're together as when we're apart. This is a simple compliment, yet its more rare than you might think.
You see the smile that's on my mouth... it's hiding the words that don't come out... and all of my friends who think that I'm blessed... they don't know my head is a mess... no, they don't know who I really am... and they don't know what I've been through like you do... and I was made for you.
I'm wasn't really sure where this blog was going when I started, but I think I know where it will end up. Yes, Clouds in My Coffee Drinkers, you can go crazy thinking about the woulda shoulda coulda in your life... sometimes I think I might. But I lead quite a charmed life. Not a perfect life, mind you, and I probably under-serve my Best Friend and Helpmate in every way possibly, be it conscience or un-, and the fact that I have a personality on Clouds in My Coffee named The Goddess can attest to that... but The Lovely Steph Leann is the blessing that I cannot fathom, if that makes any sense.
This song I've quoted, "The Story" by Brandi Carlile, is amazing. It just is. It actually finished as the #32 Coolest Thing about 2007. I first heard it when I watched Grey's Anatomy's earlier seasons, and it just hits me in one of those funny ways. It has a double digit play on Dave's iPod (though that doesn't mean much nowadays... sometimes I get on "song kicks" where I just want to hear the same song over and over, be it old or new... right now, my Song Kick includes "No Time to Kill" and "Good Run of Bad Luck" by Clint Black, "If I Ever Lose My Faith In You" by Sting and "I Guess the Lord Must Be In New York City" by Nilsson, among others. Who knew?) already, and it doesn't make me sad... or happy... just nostalgic.
All of these lines across my face... tell you the story of who I am... so many stories of where I've been... and how I got to where I am
Bottom line is, I'm a nostalgic person. I've stated this already. I enjoy thinking back to college and even high school, the memories I've had, the things I've done. Perhaps I'll take a cue from McQ, a certain Dave Hall of Famer when she comes on the ballot, and just take the plunge. I've got lots of stories of where I've been... but, as Brandi Carlile says...
But these stories don't mean anything when you've got no one to tell them to... It's true... I was made for you... Ohh yea it's true... That I was made for you
This is the video that accompanied Grey's Anatomy. Might I say this might be the exact, perfect song to go with this video. As a matter of fact, I'm commissioning Scotty Latta to work on this project when I die...
I want this video played at my funeral, but take out all the Grey's Anatomy clips, and replace them with video clips of my own life... let's get Chris McCall and I jumping off the bridge at Ponce de Leon Springs from my childhood, and waiting tables with Victor, Cristie and Sandy at The Wright Place, and an over dramatic shot of my running across campus at Troy State late for class, and for good measure, throw in a shot or two of Tiffany Abbott (The Official Clouds in My Coffee Troy State Crush) rejecting me, perhaps get my first slow dance with Angiejay... wait, scratch that... or maybe Eddie and I dressing up as clowns at that mission retreat, or me directing WalkAbout, and a great video clip of me standing with Best Man Wookiee at my wedding, and I as Best Man at his wedding, and you gotta toss in some Deuce, and Lil Sister Ashley, and KT, and maybe me arguing with Clouds in My Coffee Atty General Brad Latta over politics (we really didn't, but it would look good for the video) and... well, just be creative.
One final thought. This is one of those songs, like many others, you can play at the perfect time. Perhaps when there's a break-up and a get-back-together. But you can play this at the wrong time... like a few weeks ago, when I watched Penn State beat Ohio State. They did a Joe Paterno montage, and played this song behind it. Creepy. Very creepy.