The 2011 Oscar Running Diary

Well, let's get it on, shall we!  Its time for our annual running diary of the Academy Awards.  I'm here in the recliner, laptop open, keyboard in lap, while The Lovely Steph Leann is over on the couch, snuggled up in a Snuggie, ready to go. 

She has been out a bridal shower in East Podunk, Alabama, so when the sat down, the first thing she saw while watching the Red Carpet special was Robert Downey Jr, and the first thing she said was, "Oh no!  He's wearing a navy blue suit?  Really?  Robert!"

Its time.

732p... a quick recap of the best picture nominees with some of the classic lines from the last year... "If you guys were the inventors of Facebook, you'd have invented Facebook." 

732p... we open with a classic parody of nominated movies, this time involving Oscar hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway, with an appearance by Alec Baldwin, first intersparsing themselves in Inception, then with The Social Network and then The Fighter.  They appear on a horse in a clip of True Grit (James Franco tells Jeff Bridges, as Rooster Cogburn, "Hey, I loved you in TRON!").

735p... Morgan Freeman and his voice!  More Alec Baldwin!  And James and Anne are in the Back to the Future DeLorean!  This is a fun little opening...

739p... James and Anne, who looks AB-SO-LUTE-LEE GOR-GEE-US by the way, hit the stage.  She even tells James, "You look very appealing... to a younger demographic..."   They banter back and forth, even talking to Anne's mom, and James' mom and grandma, who smiles and says, "I... just saw... Marky Mark..." 

Its common knowledge that Mark Wahlberg hates the Marky Mark reference, but he seems to go along with it with a smile, if not a smirk.

Tonight, they are going to be looking back at some great Oscar winners from the last century, and they kick this off with Gone with the Wind.  The Lovely Steph Leann absolutely loves this movie, all seven hours of it.

742p... Tom Hanks comes out, and discusses Gone With the Wind's awards in 1939.  And he also discusses those films who have previously won Art Direction and Cinematography, and says the last movie to win these two, plus Best Picture, was my 9th favorite film of all time, Titanic. 

Art Direction prize goes to "Alice in Wonderland".  Crap.  I'm 0-1 already.  I tell The Lovely Steph Leann that I picked "The King's Speech" and she says, "Really?  Kings Speech?   Hmmm..."

746p... Tom Hanks now introduces Cinematography, and the Oscar goes to, "Inception".  And again, I picked "The King's Speech".  I'm 0-2.  The Lovely Steph Leann just laughs.  She didn't pick the winners, she is just laughing at me.

750p... Commercial break.  I say, "Well, those goes my attempt at going 24-0.  I'm Oh for 2 right now."  She laughs, hard. 

751p... James and Anne greet us after the break, and introduce Kirk Douglas, who comes out with a cane, and gets an immediate standing ovation.  I have been watching Kirk Douglas movies since I was like, 3 years old, no joke.  He's struggling to talk, with the effects of a few strokes.  He tells James Franco, "You look much better out of the cave... and Anne Hathaway... SHE'S GORGEOUS!!  Where were you when I was making pictures?!"

752p... Kirk Douglas is doing the Supporting Actress Award... usually, last year's Supporting Actor gives out this years Supporting Actress, and vice versa, and the same with Actor/Actress.  I am wondering if they are letting screen legends do the acting awards?  That would be cool.

754p... So, the guy is just standing there with the golden envelope, while Kirk Douglas ribs Colin Firth and Hugh Jackman in the audience, and he opens the envelope and holds the winner in his hands, and just keeps talking.   We are cracking up here.

757p... The Oscar goes to Melissa Leo for The Fighter.  Now its a race to see how many in a row I can lose.   Standing next to Melissa Leo, Kirk Douglas says, "You are much more beautiful than you looked in The Fighter".   She starts stammering, and The Lovely Steph Leann whispers, "Get it together, dear, you don't have much time..."  She manages to even drop the F-bomb...

Mila on tonight's Red Carpet

8p... Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake come out together, and Mila Kunis might be the hottest dressed one here tonight.  They are doing the Best Animated Feature, and Best Animated Short... finally, at least I'll get one right!   For Best Animated Short, the winner is The Lost Thing.  Yay, 0-4. 

805p... And here's the Biggest Lock of the Night.  Toy Story 3.  When Mila makes the nominee announcement for Toy Story 3, the audience gives a huge applause.  Toy Story 3 wins.  Finally, I get on the board... 1-4.

812p... Anne meets us from the break, and tells us about the very first Academy Awards in 1929, happening at The Roosevelt Hotel, across from the Oscars current location, the Kodak Theater.

813p... Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem comes out together, to give the Adapted and Original Screenplay awards.  They also are dressed almost exactly alike.  Not a great look.  My picks for Adapted are The Social Network and The Kings Speech for Original.

814p... And the Oscar goes to... Aaron Sorkin for The Social Network!  I got 2 right!   Aaron comes up and gives a pleasant speech, and its based on a book called "The Accidental Billionaires".  I've got 2 credits built up on Audible.com, think I'll use one of them on this.   The orchestra starts to play, but doesn't play him off, because he keeps talking.

816p... Now, its Original Screenplay, and I went with The King's Speech.  Josh and Javier, the White Tux Twins, gives the Oscar to The Kings Speech.  I lost four in a row, but have now won three straight!! 

818p... David Seidler, who wrote The King's Speech, is probably in his 70s, and starts his speech with, "My father always said... I'll be a late bloomer..."  The audience, and us, laugh heartily.   The gave Kirk Douglas as much time as he wanted, because he's Kirk Douglas, but now they are having to play catch-up by rushing winning speeches.

823p... Anne, still smoldering, even though she's in a tux, is back from break.   She begins singing a version of "On My Own" (for Les Mis) calling out Hugh Jackman for standing her up for a duet she was supposed to sing.   James Franco comes out in a pink dress, blond wig and horrible lipstick, saying, "You wore a tux, I wore this.  Weird part is, I just got a message from Charlie Sheen..."

825p... Russell Brand and Helen Mirren, the most attractive 93 year old on Earth, come out together now.  Helen speaks French, Russell incorrectly "translates".  They are here to give Best Movie By a Dang Fer-ah-ner.  The winner is "In a Better World".  There goes my winning streak, and I'm 3-5 for the night.  The chick director is doing her best English, though I'm wondering how long they will let her talk before you hear the music... and there it is...

829p... And Ashley Judd Club member Reese Witherspoon comes out, looking so classy and awesome.  And she's here for the Best Supporting Actor.   I'll take Reese over Mo'nique (last years Supporting Actress winner) any day of the week, and fourteen times on Sunday.  And Monday.  And Wednesday.

Unshaved Christian Bale and his wife

830p... Unshaven Christian Bale is not a pleasant sight. 

830p... And the Oscar goes to Unshaven Christian Bale.  And his hair doesn't match his beard.  We might be 2 for 2 on F-Bombs from The Fighter tonight!

831p... How weird is it to hear Christian Bale speak in his native British tongue?  No joke. 

834p... So Christian looks over and acknowledges his wife, then stammers without saying her name.  The Lovely Steph Leann thinks Bale got choked up, but I think that Christian Bale just forgot his wife's name.  Seriously?

837p... Okay, so he just got choked up.  He teared up when talking about his daughter, choked up when discussing his wife, and plugged Dicky's website (the guy the his character was based on)  Fine, it was a good speech.

Bathroom break needed for both of us.  Show is on pause via DVR.   We are about 4.5 minutes behind... we'll catch up at the commercial break

843p... Here comes... well, I don't recognize them, but does it matter?  I dunno.  Its a little speech recognizing the marriage between ABC and The Academy Awards.   Shameless self promotions.

844p... Anne is out again, looking like... well, that dress is awkward.  Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman come out to award the award for Score.  We get a Sound history lesson, and an orchestra appears to play some of the more memorable scores from film.   I went with "The Social Network" on this.

847p... The winner is... Trent Reznor for "The Social Network".  Who da thunk five years ago that Nine Inch Nails would win an Oscar?  I loved Inception's score more, but I can deal with "Network".  I'm 5-5 for the night!  I'm coming back!

849p... Here comes the award for Sound Mixing and Sound Editing, with me picking Inception for both.  Seems like they would go hand in hand.   Here comes the very attractive Scarlett Johansson and the not so attractive Matthew McConaughey to give the awards... the winner of Mixing?  Inception.  The winner of Editing?  Inception?  Ha!  Seven wins for me! 

852p... I think to over/under for Christopher Nolan being thanked tonight is somewhere around 4,300.

856p... Back from break, Anne and James are introducing Marisa Tomei.  James Franco has a squinting problem.

856p... Marisa Tomei is in my All Time Most Beautiful Actresses Like, Ever Hall of Fame.  I love love love love love love Marisa Tomei.  She's telling us the tech awards that aren't shown on this broadcast.   James Franco says, "Congrats, nerds!"

858p... Every time I think Cate Blanchett is beautiful, she shows up not being so.  Tonight?  She's beautiful.  She tells us about Lord of the Rings, winner of the makeup award.  For makeup, its Rick Baker who has like, 87 Oscars.  Make it 88, and I got an 8th win tonight.   Daddy's on a roll, baby cakes!

859p... The Lovely Steph Leann likes to pick and choose the catagories she wants to predict, and out of the three she has picked, she's 3-0.  Of course, she picked Toy Story 3, which was as big of a lock as any award in history.  Which means she picked Alice in Wonderland for Costume Design, and that means its going to win.

901p... And the Oscar goes to?  Not True Grit, my pick, now making me 8-6 on the night.  Its Alice.

902p... The chick who won is reading her speech.  When was the last time anyone actually read their speech?   She gets to the bottom of the page as the orchestra plays her offstage. 

903p... Favorite movie song?  Wow... "I've Had the Time Of My Life"... "Beauty and the Beast"... "How Do You Know" from Enchanted... "Against All Odds"... and He Who Must Not Be Re-Elected is onscreen, telling us "Time Goes By"?  What?  Random.

905p... Kevin Spacey is out to introduce the songs that are nominated... first is Randy Newman, who has his 20th nomination this year.  He's doing "We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3.  Next is Mandy Moore and Zach Levi to do "I See The Light" from Tangled... Zach Levi is a Christ Follower, by the way? 

907p... Mandy Moore is stunning, but Anne has her beat tonight.  (in fairness, Reese tops them both, Mila Kunis in that dress beats all three, and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, tops them all).  Zach Levi looks like a welfare Ben Affleck.  

909p... Commercial break!   Want to see an incredible Oscar song performance?  Click here.

911p... James Franco introduce Jake Gyllenhaal and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, and the are out to award Documentary Short Film.   Jake says it best in saying, "Shorts are also the hardest things to pick on your Oscar ballot... so see the shorts, and you might be a winner."   The Lovely Steph Leann isn't picking this catagory, by the way.   I chose "Killing in the Name", and the winner is "Strangers No More".  I'm 8-7 so far. 

912p... And now Best Live Action Short Film.  My pick was "God of Love" and WOO-HOO!  I picked that one!  Yeah!  I'm back!

Luke Matheny and his fro in a pre-Oscar photo op

916p... Luke Matheny is giving the speech for the win, looks about 7 feet tall and has a fro the size of Red Robin.  Awesome.  He races through the thank-yous, including his mom, who did craft services for the film.  Awesome speech. 

917p... James and Anne are back, and there's a sight gag on movies that aren't musicals that they parody into musicals... including "Harry Potter", "Toy Story 3" and Timberlake on "The Social Network".  This little montage should win Best Editing.   The Twilight spot is called "He Doesn't Own a Shirt", featuring Taylor Lautner.  That was funny.

919p... The next presenter?  Oprah.  Who's network is really struggling, by the way.   The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Oprah looks like she's putting on weight", and I respond, "Doesn't she always?"

920p... Oprah is giving out The Best Documentary of the Year award.  No news on whether Algore has given back the one he won for An Inconvenient Truth, which turned out be A Big Fat Piece of Crap.   The Oscar goes to?  Inside Job.  I picked Restrepo.  Apparently, Inside Job is about the banking and housing collapse, so had I known that, I would have gone with it.  These are the same people who won for the anti-Iraqi doc "No End in Sight".  And the speech bascially starts out with, "Rich people suck."

926p... Anne is back, looking all awesome and good looking, and she introduces former Oscar host--someone who did it best for years--Billy Crystal.  He even gets a standing ovation.  "The producers asked me to tell you that we are running long... so here's the nominees for Best Picture..."

928p... Its a look back at the first televised Oscars, with Bob Hope hosting it 18 times.  Billy Crystal has been out for 30 seconds, and he's the funniest thing tonight not named Kirk Douglas.   So now, we take a look back at the 25th Annual Academy Awards, hosted by Bob Hope.  Bob says, "The Academy Awards, or as its known at my house, Passover."  Its a hologram of Bob on the real Oscar podium, introducing what else...

931p... Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law come out to do Visual Effects.  Token shot at RDJ's ho filled past by Jude Law, mildly funny banter, and to the nominees we go!  I went with Inception... and the winner is... Inception.  During the clip, they showed the hallway fight scene, and the big tunnel made to do that scene--you can't show that and then not give Inception the award.  Its a techie sweep!  And I get my 10th win!  And... I still have 8 losses.  Boo.

934p... Film Editing is the next award.  I chose The Social Network, and the winner is... Facebook!  11-8!

937p... S'Ray just texted me the following:  The dress that the escort taking people off stage was
designed by Borris Powell... my high school drum major from the little town of Piedmont, Alabama.

940p... I asked "Is he a fashionista now?" and he replies, "He was on the red carpet tonight and reported that Valentino loved his design."  So, there ya go.

940p... James and Anne are back... Anne is ravishing in red.  James makes some innuendo jokes on movie titles (Winter's Bone?) and they introduce Jennifer Hudson, who then introduces the final two songs nominated for Best Song.  First is "If I Rise" from "127 Hours". 

942p... I am now going to sing the first part of "If I Rise"... "fa la wa wa la wa wa... fla wa lo lo la la..."

943p... Here's Gwynth Paltrow to sing her song from "Country Strong", the one I picked to win the award.   And the winner is?  The one I didn't think would get it, Randy Newman's "We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3.  I'm 11-9 on the night, and The Lovely Steph Leann is irritated that the Tangled song didn't win.

948p... Twenty noms, only his 2nd win.  That's kinda wrong.

949p... The Lovely Steph Leann is still railing against Tangled's loss.

951p... Just saw on Facebook... Discussing the chick who sang the song from "127 Hours", Amarylis By Morning (up from san antone) says, "I want Florence from Florence and the Machine to go to Melissa Clark and get a new hairstyle.."

952p... Celine Dion brings us back from break, and its the In Memorium montage.  Celine Dion looks like she's 54, trying desperately to look 34.   So far, no applause for anyone yet, even though they showed Tony Curtis already. 

Corey Haim.  December 23, 1971 to
March 10th, 2010.  Rest in Peace, Lost
Boy, Rest in Peace.

953p... With no applause for Leslie Nielsen, I am now guessing they have the Applause-o-Meter turned off.  There's no way Leslie doesn't get a round of clapping.   Don't know who Susanna York is, but she had bad teeth.  Hope that didn't contribute to her death...

955p... My guess would be that Dennis Hopper and Blake Edwards would get the biggest round of applause for the night, but no clapping until the very end.  Out comes Halle Berry to tell us about Lena Horne, who died this past year.  She gets a good tribute, and we fade to commercial...

958p... No Corey Haim.  That's tragic.

1001p... The show is officially running long.  Anne Hathaway is in a deep blue silky looking gown.  She introduces Hillary Swank, who is a... gulp... two time (!) Academy Award winner!

1002p... Last year's Best Director, Kathyrn Bigalow, who won for "The Hurt Locker", is out to give away Best Director.   The Oscar goes to... Tom Hooper, for "The King's Speech".  This now seals Speech as Best Picture, if you ask me.  I picked Fincher for "The Social Network", so now I'm 11 wins, 10 losses.  Forget beating my all time record, I'll be lucky to finish above 500...

1005p... James looks like he's on drugs.  He brings out Annette Bening.  She tells us about The Governor's Awards, which is a Lifetime Achievement ceremony for legendary Hollywoodians.  Eli Wallach is one shown given an award, as is Frances Ford Coppola.  I personally like doing a special tribute to someone on the actual show itself, though they do bring out Eli, Frances and another honoree to the stage.  They get standing ovations, of course.

1011p... James and Anne introduce Jeff Bridges to give Best Actress.  The show is in full "We are behind!" mode, so things are speeding up.   He mentions Annette Bening's nomination... as much as I hated "The Kids are All Right", I think Julianne Moore was ten times better than Annette.  

1014p... I like how Jeff Bridges is talking to each nominee, not just saying their name and their movie, but discussing how good each of them were.   I'm sure the Oscars' producers are like "hurry it up, Jeff!" because he's taking forever, but its cool.

1016p... And the Oscar goes to... Princess Padme Amidala.  I picked Annette Bening to win, and I'm absolutely fine that she didn't.  I know, I know, "Black Swan" is sort of a gay ballet movie too, but its got to be better than "The Kids are All Right".   11-11

1018p... So, right in the middle of Natalie Portman's speech... not only does my internet go down, but my Dish Network goes down as well. 

1021p... Apparently, someone introduced Sandra Bullock during the outage, because here she is.  She mentions Javier Bardem, then turns to Jeff Bridges and says, "Dude, you already won this.  Let someone else win this for a change."  True Grit was a great film, by the way.  She tells Jesse Eisenberg in saying, "You've inspired lonely young men hunched over keyboards around the world." 

1025p... And the Oscar goes to... The President and Founding Member in Good Standing of The Colin Firth Club.  The Lovely Steph Leann cheers loudly, claps and waves her hands as Colin Firth accepts the Academy Award for Best Actor for his performance in "The King's Speech."   So I'm pretty confident I'll get the Best Picture win, making me 13-11 for the night.

1027p... Colin Firth gives a classy, eloquent, funny and well spoken acceptance.  The Lovely Steph Leann is giggling like a 4th grader.   Well done, Colin, well done.

1029p... The Best Motion Picture Oscar is up next, after these messages.

1032p... James and Anne shout, "Steven Spielberg!"  He comes out, and has in his hand an envelope that contains three words:  "The" "Kings" "Speech".  Ten best picture nominees.  While seeing Colin Firth do his King's Speech in the King's Speech, we see clips from all the Best Picture nominees. 

1034p... Who, besides K-Dub, would have ever expected to hear the words "Best Picture Nominee" and "Justin Timberlake" in the same sentence?   Said with a straight face?

1035p... "The King's Speech" takes the Oscar.  I finish the night 13-11, a horrible showing.  The Lovely Steph Leann cheers on the picture win.

So there is the Oscars.  James Franco and Anne Hathaway say goodnight... James seems like he was a little bothered by the whole hosting thing,  but Anne sounded like she was having the time of her life the entire show. 

We finish the show by having a kids choir sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and the Oscar winners for the night come out all together, making a pretty cool visual, many of them holding up their Oscars. 

And that's a wrap.  Thanks for reading, see you this week...

The 68th Annual Golden Globes

This is a week late, but I did want to post it finally... our computer was down until mid-week, and because American Idol came on, I never got it up.  So, here is the running diary of the Golden Globes...

So, this is being typed on a Word Document, while nibbling on some Papa John’s. The lovely Steph Leann is on the other couch, also nibbling on pizza, and we are set to watch the whateverth annual Golden Globes Awards… 68th, as Ricky Gervais just said!

7p… Ricky Gervais is out, and onto his monologue, which is usually all about the celebrities, with zingers and jabs tossed freely. First up, Charlie Sheen, of course. And now its onto “The Tourist”, insulting it, as Johnny Depp looks on from the audience. Next to “Sex in the City 2”, and then to gay Scientologists (I can only assume he is jabbing Tom Cruise and John Travolta)… yeah!

705p… The first award, presented by Scarlett Johansson!  I’m not a ScarJo loyalist, but she looks great tonight. The award is Supporting Actor in a Movie. Noms including Chrisitan Bale, Edward Garfield, Geoffrey Rush, Mike Douglas and someon else I didn't catch before the winner was announced.

The winner is? Christian Bale for “The Fighter”… this is the first award out of many he’s going to get from now until Oscar season, when he wins the Supporting Oscar actor. Its weird hearing him talking in his regular British accent, cause I’m so used to hearing him be deep and throaty Bruce Wayne, and loud and obnoxious in The Fighter. It also stars Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with.

709p… Here’s LL Cool J and Julie Bowen for lead actress in a TV Drama. And the winner? Katie Segal for “Sons of Anarchy”. Never seen the show, but I’ve heard its intense, awesome and manly. Camera cuts to Ed O’Neill who is clapping and smiling for Katie’s win. Very cool.

716p… And now here’s Julianne Moore and Kevin Spacey… Julianne has a horrible dress, and likely no bra. Shame. Best TV Movie/Mini-Series. The Pacific is nominated and I’m guessing its going to win.. though “Temple Grandin” is also nominated. Tough. And the winner? “Carlos” wins, whatever the heck that is.

While the Hispanic director is talking in the broken English, I’ll point out that every year, the person who helps present the awards is called “Miss Golden Globe”, and it’s a chick who is the daughter of a prominent actor or actress. This year’s Miss Golden Globe is Gia Mantegna, who is the daughter of actor Joe Mantegna… she looks a lot like him, but she’s beautiful, so go figure.

720p… Ricky is back up. There is confusion on stage, as the Mexican crew scatters, unsure where to go from there. Ricky then says, “you know this next actor from such films as…” and he goes on to name some horrendous films like “Hudson Hawk” and “Mercury Rising”… Ricky says, “And here is Ashton Kutcher’s dad, Bruce Willis!”

Bruce walks out with a smirk, introducing a film nominated for Best Comedy or Musical, that being “Red”… which was a fun, fun movie.

722p… From “Country Strong”, which is a movie I have no desire to see, here are two people that I don’t care about… Best Supporting Actor in a Series/Mini-Series/Movie. I’m rooting for Scott Caan, but I’m thinking the Extremely Gay Chris Colfer from Glee will get it.

And the winner is? The Extremely Gay Chris Colfer. And to me, its because he’s as gay as a football bat. The Lovely Steph Leann defends him, saying, “Well, maybe, but its also because he’s so awesome!”. No, its because he’s a flamer. Matter of fact, I’m surprised he’s not kissing a guy right now.  Lea Michelle is crying, which is actually kinda sweet.  Not as sweet at Chris Colfer, mind you, but still...

My prediction? You’ll hear some magazine, website or the like tell us that Chris Colfer’s win was important for the gay community.

Here is Michelle, circa 1989, from "The Fabulous Baker
Boys"... by the way, an absolutely fabulous drama.

729p… Michelle Pfieffer comes out… let me tell ya, back in the day, she was The Stuff. Back in the late 80s, early 90s, she was everything that Angelina Jolie is today, and more. Michelle was amazing. She still looks great. She’s introducing the next Best Comedy Movie nominee, “Alice in Wonderland”.

731p… Eva Longoria, sans Parker, almost fell. She usually looks great, but tonight she looks especially classy. Its like he was saying “Hey Tony… check this out. You had this. But you lost it. Sucka.” Tony, you’re a friggin’ idiot.

The president of The Hollywood Foreign Press comes out, and his name is Philip Berk. I immediately think of the obnoxious guy I knew in college named Philip Burke. He was a Lambda Chi Alpha, and I think student body president at one time. But this guy is not that Philip Burke—though that would be funny.

733p… Kevin Bacon and Milla Jovavich is giving the award for Best Drama Series. Actors from Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Dexter and House are nominated as usual, along with Steve Buscemi from “Boardwalk Empire”… and Steve wins. I thought that show was great… but it’s a little too much. Too much sex, too much violence, the language is horrible, and I just couldn’t get into it. But it’s a well done show, and its cool to see That Guy Hall of Famer Steve Buscemi get himself an award. He says, “Im going to talk fast, before that sad music comes on!”

737p… And here’s are the Best Drama nominees… Boardwalk Empire, Dexter, The Good Wife, Mad Men, The Walking Dead… and the winner? Boardwalk Empire. I do eventually want to see Dexter, The Good Wife and The Walking Dead, which are all on the list to watch on DVD. And I’ve got Mad Men coming on Netflix.

Can’t believe they are doing the Best Drama already! And Mark Wahlberg is on stage? He is in this show? What did I miss?

743p… Andrew Garfield, himself a nominee for “The Social Network”, is out to introduce… well, “The Social Network”… he stumbled over the teleprompter, eliciting a few laughs. By the way, “The Social Network”? One of the five best movies of last year, I gotta say.

745p… Alec Baldwin and Jennifer Lopez are out to present Original Song, after some horribly written banter that they awkwardly read from the teleprompter. Burlesque is nominated twice—I’ve been hearing that is a awful movie. The song from Tangled is nominated, but doesn’t win. “You Haven’t Seen The Last of Me” from Burlesque wins, and The Lovely Steph Leann is disappointed it wasn’t “See The Light” from "Tangled".

749p… And Alec and J-Lo comes back up to give out Original Score. Danny Elfman’s “Alice in Wonderland” is nominated, and I thought that music was brilliant. Inception is also nominated, and that movie’s music is fantastic. The winner? Trent Reznor for “The Social Network”, and I can’t complain, because it did set a great tone for that film. Nine Inch Nails now has a Golden Globe.

755p… The young chick from "True Grit" comes out—she was amazing in that film—and Justin Bieber—I’ll refrain from the jokes—comes out with her to give out the award for Best Animated Film. I’m guessing "Toy Story 3" will take this, but I’m fearful that “How to Train Your Dragon” will be the dark horse. I wouldn’t have a problem with "Tangled" winning this, but I don’t know how "Toy Story 3" can’t win.

And the winner? "Toy Story 3", in one of the least shocking wins of the whole night. The director comes up, and takes the award, and turns to Hallie Steinfeld and The Beebs and says, “Were you two even born when the first one came out?” to which they both just smirk at him.

759p… Ricky says, “I love this guy, star of 'Kiss Kiss Bang Bang', 'Two Guys and Girl', 'Bowfinger'… I’m sorry, are these porn films?”  Then he makes the obligatory "RDJ spent time in prison" joke that always comes around when RDJ makes an appearance.

And of course, its Robert Downey Jr! He has gone from cool to jerk to cool again in his career. And he gives a hilarious monologue on the nominees about how, in his career, he’s gotten with everyone one of them… and when he gets to young Emma Stone, its fantastic. Award for Best Actress Comedy or Musical. I’m afraid Annette Bening or Julianne Moore will get it for The Kids are Alright, because that movie was horrific. Annette Bening gets it.

Chris Colfer is somewhere in the back shouting “Hooray For Gay!”

I haven't done a review yet, but "The
Fighter" was a great film.  Great story, great
acting, and Amy Adams, whom I'm in love
with.

809p… Sylvester Stallone comes out. Lets see how much we can understand. He’s here to introduce a film for Best Movie Drama, “The Fighter”, starring Golden Globe winner Christian Bale, Marky Mark sans Funky Bunch and Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with.

811p… Tilda Swinton comes out with Geoffrey Rush, and I gotta say, Tilda Swinton is one of the most unattractive chicks ever, with an eccentric fashion style. Eccentric means terrible. Heres the award for Best Actor in TV Movie/Mini-Series. Winner is Al Pacino for the Jack Kavorkian story, “You Don’t Know Jack”. Wanted to see it.  And Al talks.  And talks.  And talks.  Aaaand talks.

815p… My guess is the guy starting the Wrap Up Music is about to push the button, and someone who makes more than him says, “Dude! No! That’s AL PACINO! You don’t wrap up Al Pacino!” And they didn’t.

Up next, Actress for TV Movie/Mini-Series. Claire Danes wins for “Temple Grandin”, which she won the Emmy for as well. I’ve never seen the film, and really don’t expect to either—not that I don’t think its great, but it just doesn’t interest me—but its supposed to be an awesome film. Its right up The Lovely Steph Leann’s alley, so she can see it, and I’m sure she’ll tell me how great it is when she sees it on The Hallmark Channel or The Hallmark Movie Channel.

823p… Zac Efron is out now to introduce “The Kids are Alright” as a nominee for Best Comedy or Musical. I’m thinking this will win. Why? Because its gay.

825p… Ricky tells us that Tina Fey and Steve Carell are coming out, but not before dissing on Steve for leaving The Office after this season, “killing that cash cow for both of us!” The award is Best Screenplay. Tina: Here’s a movie that ruined our ability to interact with one another… Steve: I heard about that film on Facebook from a friend I’ve never met.

The winner? Aaron Sorkin for “The Social Network”. Its based on a book called “The Accidental Billionaires” by Ben Mezrich, who also wrote “Bringing Down the House: The Inside Story of Six M.I.T. Students Who Took Vegas for Millions”, which was made into the Kevin Spacey movie called "21".  Book is good, "21" was okay. I plan on downloading The Accidental Billionaires next month as my Audible.com selection.

829p… Chris Helmsworth, the new Thor, and Chris Evans, the new Captain America, are giving out the award for Best Actress in a TV Series, Mini or Movie.   Their banter is terrible.  Why am I not a writer at one of these shows?   Take me, Scotty Latta and Hurricane Rhett, and I guarantee the jokes would be funnier than anything you've ever heard in your life.  Ever.

And the old lady they cut to when announcing Julia Stiles for “Dexter” was NOT Julia Stiles. The winner, though, is Jane Lynch for Glee… she also won an Emmy for this last September.  And Lea Michelle is crying.  That's... well, it is kinda sweet again, I guess.  Not as sweet at Chris Colfer, but still...

836p… Ricky introduces Olivia Wilde and Robert Pattinson, saying, “Here to present an award that no one in America cares about, the Best Foreign Film!” He’s right. Denmark’s “In a Better World” wins, and I really could care less.

838p… Out comes the most attractive 93 year old in America—no, not Betty White—it’s Helen Mirren! She’s out to announce the nomination of “The King’s Speech”, starring the president of The Colin Firth Club, that being Colin Firth himself…

Okay, so what is The Colin Firth Club? We’ve discussed this before, but I feel like we’re getting new readers all the time (wishful hoping?) so I thought I’d explain again… It’s a small group of actors and musicians that The Lovely Steph Leann finds herself a little hot for. Whilst I have my Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with, The Goddess, Reese Witherspoon, Kristen Chenoweth, Martina McBride, Lesley Mann and Kate Winslet, she has The Colin Firth Club.

The Lovely Steph Leann would never cheat on me. If Jake Gyllenhaal ever propositioned my wife, I am positive she’d say, “Yeah, thanks, I’m honored, but no. I gotz a man.” Then he’d say, “What yo’ man got to do with me?” and she’d say, “I ain’t try to hear that, see!” I’m Positive (K)!

However comma

If Colin Firth propositioned The Lovely Steph Leann, I’m pretty sure she’d say no. She’d hesitate. She’d probably give it a few seconds, and maybe flush and stammer, but ultimately she’d say no. Other guys that would elicit this reaction include Hugh Jackman, Bradley Whitford (in West Wing days, not so sure now), Patrick Dempsey, Hugh Grant and Jon Bon Jovi. Thus, The Colin Firth Club.

840p… Vanessa Williams and Blair Underwood, two extremely attractive people no matter the color, are here to announce the award for Best Actress in a TV Series. The winner is Laura Linney for The Big C… what can top gaydom? Cancer! If there was movie with a gay guy with cancer, its sweeping these awards.

846p… Here comes Jane Fonda! Screen legend! Have you ever seen any of her movies? She doesn’t have much on her resume. Yet, she’s a screen legend. And she’s here to show off “Burlesque”, a nominee for Best Comedy or Musical.

847p… Two people I don’t know are announcing Best Actor in Comedy or Musical Series… the winner is Jim Parsons from “The Big Bang Theory”, which is a show that I’ve never seen, but I’m hearing that this show is getting better and better as the years go on.

850p… Jeremy Irons is giving out the Best Supporting Actress in a Movie, and sounds almost like a Jeremy Irons imitation, though he’s actually him. Amy Adams, whom I’m in love with, is nominated for The Fighter, but it goes to the other chick in the film, Melissa Leo. And really, she kinda deserves it, because her part was great.

Just saw a McDonald’s commercial that features a guy coming through the drive thru, whispering his order, and continuing to lap the building without stopping. The somewhat attractive and seemingly smart young chick behind the drive thru mic is confused. He whispers into the speaker again as he drives by slowly. The young chick glances in the backseat as he rides by and sees a baby. The third time he rolls around and whispers, she whispers back his order, and its all sweet and cute and such. Do do do da doooo… I’m lovin’ it.



There are a number of falsehoods in this commercial.


First, I’m sure there are pretty people that work at McDonald’s, somewhere, somehow, so that’s not an issue. But the fact that she’s understandable is unrealistic.


Secondly, no one whispers in that drive thru. Right off the bat, you get a really clear voice that says in a perky voice, “Hi, would you like to try (insert whatever they are promoting at the time)!?” You think, “Ah, someone understandable!” and you say, “No thank you, but I would like to get (insert what nutritional combination you actually do want)".  A pause.  Then you get some chick who can barely talk intelligently, and has a tendancy to start speaking before she hits the drive thru mic button, and then turns the mic off before she's done talking... you hear "...getta number four and what you want to dr..." in a loud voice.

What happened to the pleasant voice you heard first??  Ah... it was a recording.  It was a a tease, thinking you'll have an understandable drive thru experience.  Then you realize... this ain't Starbucks.

So that commercial is full of crap.   

858p… Matt Damon is out to give the Cecil B. DeMille Award to Robert DeNiro… gotta tell ya, Robert DeNiro IS a screen legend. Who cares about Jane Fonda? DeNiro has done some incredible films, but has also done some real, real crap.

My favorite Bobby DeNiro films include “Midnight Run”, #56 on The Dave100… “Heat”, #87 on The Dave100… “Goodfellas”… “Casino”… “Untouchables”... and yeah, he was pretty funny in “Analyze This”. And no, I didn’t like “Analyze That”, or any other feature where the characters are named “Focker”.

Like all actors, he’s made some turkeys, including “The Fan”, “The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle”, “A Shark Tale” and “Showtime”. And I tried to watch “Ronin” three different times… couldn’t get into it. The car chase was spectacular, as its been hyped to be, but the movie couldn’t keep me interested after that.

Robert DeNiro is an actor that everyone loves, and there’s a huge ovation that lasts for several minutes. He quips that “I’m glad this award was announced two months ago, well before you had time to review ‘Little Fockers’” which gets an uncomfortable laugh from the audience. He also says that “Awakenings” was one of his favorites. Anyway, I’m glad it went to Bobby DeNiro instead of someone I'm barely aware of.

913p… Megan Fox comes out, and I’m still unimpressed. Someone is who is completely overrated and overhyped is fittingly announcing an overrated and overhyped film, “The Tourist”.

914p… Annette Bening comes out to give the Best Director Award. As I thought, David Fincher for “The Social Network” takes the prize. Its kinda of surprising, though, that such a mainstream film has been taking so many awards and such. Fincher is also the director of The Dave100 film “Se7en”, as well as “Benjamin Button” and “Fight Club”.

917p… Jimmy Fallon and the smoldering January Jones come out to give out the award for Best TV Series Music or Comedy, in another bit of awkward banter. And The Lovely Steph Leann squeals in delight as Glee picks up the award for Best TV Comedy/Musical Series. At least the show has Jayma Mays, who I kinda think is pretty… not tonight, but usually.

923p… And here’s Alicia Keys to tell us about “Black Swan.” I am not sure if I want to see this movie or not… part of me does, but part of me figures it will be like “Brokeback Mountain”, that is, I should see it because of all the nominations, but once Oscar time rolls around and passes us by, I can skip it.

925p… Halle Berry comes out to give the Best Actor in Comedy or Musical Award, to which Johnny Depp is nominated twice. Paul Giamatti gets the award for “Barney’s Version”, a film that I know soooo little about.

932p… Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who might be the coolest cat in any movie in 2010, is out to tell us about “Inception”, which to me was the best movie of 2010. I loved every single thing about this movie. The fight scene in the hallway with JGL was amazing.

933p… Jeff Bridges, who Hollywood loves like crazy right now, comes out to give out the Best Actress in a Drama Movie. Right before they announce Natalie Portman’s name, I say it out loud. And then Jeff Bridges says, “Natalie Portman, Black Swan.”

937p… Wow, we haven’t seen Ricky Gervais in like, an hour. He spends 45 seconds introducing Tom Hanks, then says, “the other guy is… Tim Allen…” Here’s the award for Best Comedy or Musical… and The Kids are Alright is probably going to win.



Julianne Moore and her offending dress

The winner is? The Kids are Alright. Yep. Its Award Day To Be Gay.
The Lovely Steph Leann pipes up, “Her [Julianne Moore] dress is horrific! I cannot get over that!”

946p… Ricky comes out and introduced Sandra Bullock… with quite an intro. Funny stuff. Here is the award for Best Actor Movie Drama… The Lovely Steph Leann is rooting for her Colin Firth… and when he wins, she shouts “YEESS!!!!”, with her arm in the air.

So, I expect Colin Firth to win the Oscar, though a Jesse Eisenberg win for “The Social Network” wouldn’t shock me… though I’m guessing that Colin Firth will get the one award given to recognize The Kings Speech, so The Social Network can pick up everything else… and Jesse Eisenberg loses out.

953p… During the commercial break, I looked up at The Lovely Steph Leann and asked, “What’s left?” She thinks, and says, “Drama TV?” I replied, “Boardwalk Empire.” She says, “Wow, I guess that’s it then.”

954p… And cancer free Michael Douglas comes out for the Best Movie Award, and gets a standing ovation. He even says, “There has to be an easier way to get a standing ovation…”

The winner, en route to an Academy Award for Best Picture in February? “The Social Network”.

Gotta tell ya… though I hate that its taking away all the momentum that Inception was getting, if this wins the Oscar I won’t be bothered… it was a great film. It was an amazing film, from the acting to the story to the effects to the music… and its so much more than a movie about Facebook… its about friendship, its about loyalty, its about betrayal, its about business. Its great. I know that Amarylis By Morning (up from san antone) didn’t like it, but I’m hoping that she at least appreciated it.

So there’s your Golden Globes. Your Oscar nominations will be announced in a few weeks or so, and I’ll be right here, doing my annual running diary during the awards show!

The Golden Globe Sunday Evening

So there are your Golden Globe awards for another year.  I'll be back in a few days with more Idol, and another few installments of our Top 100 Coolest Things of the Year...

11:41p... Ricky Gervais appears once more, thanks the crowd, does one more shill for his TV show... and thats it.  There are the Golden Globes, short (3 hours doing movies AND television) and sweet. 

11:37p... Julia Roberts is out here to give away the award for Best Picture.  It's "Avatar", which now has the momentum to carry it to the Oscars for Best Picture.  Sigh.

11:31p.. Ah, Kate Winslet.  I love me some Kate Winslet.  Here's Best Actor in a Drama... one of the nominees is the President of The Lovely Steph Leann's Colin Firth Club, Colin Firth.  He doesn't win, though... it goes to Jeff Bridges for "Crazy Heart"... and its awesome, because the entire room is giving him a standing ovation. 

"You are really tearing up my under-appreciated status here," he says.  He then calls out "my beautiful wife... get a shot of her!"  Then sends a nod to his dad, the late, great Lloyd Bridges.  Jeff is one of those actors who you never think about how good he is, and then you realize how much awesome stuff he's been in... "Tron"... "Starman"... "The Fabulous Baker Boys"... "Iron Man"... "The Last Picture Show"... "Surf's Up"... and of course, "The Big Lebowski"... great career. 

11:28p... Some chick who's name I missed is doing Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical.  And the winner?  Another shocker... Robert Downey Jr in "Sherlock Holmes".  Really?  Well... he made that film what it was... and he gives the best speech of the night, slightly edging Drew Barrymore just for comedy content...

11:24p... Mickey Rourke's Corpse comes out wearing a terrible hat and terrible suit, to give away Best Actress in a Drama.  The winner?  Sandra Bullock for "The Blind Side"... wow... seriously, didn't see that coming at all.  The Lovely Steph Leann screamed again.  Hey, I'm not saying she didn't earn it, but wow... I really thought it would be one of those "your reward is being nominated" for Sandy... but rock on. 

Also... Mickey looked like he threw up in his mouth a little when he announced Sandy Bullock winning.  Here is a pic of Mickey before the plastic surgery (inset) and the after shot. 

11:22p... Ah-nald is out to introduce "Avatar" as a Best Picture nominee, takes a dig at NBC ("the only way that James Cameron would make more money is if he were hired by NBC... then fired by NBC"). 

11:20p... Is anyone else as NOT stoked about the Winter Olympics as I am? 

11:20p... Uh... Mike Tyson is standing onstage, a part of a group who just won a Golden Globe Award for a movie, the same stage that Mo'Nique stood on after winning an acting award of her very own.  I'm not joking. 

11:19p... And Ashley Judd Club member Reese Witherspoon is out to give away Best Picture Comedy or Musical.  How great would this be if "The Hangover" won?   AND IT WINS!!!!  THAT IS SO AWESOME!!! 

11:18p... The guys from "The Hangover", including Mike Tyson, are out to introduce their own movie... this movie is awesome.

11:15p... Jack Bauer and Olivia Wilde come out to give away the award for Best Comedy or Musical TV Series.... The Lovely Steph Leann might go postal if "Glee" doesn't win... or she might do the same if it does win.  Dunno.  There are a thousand people onstage, including Jayma Mays (left).

The winner?  "Glee".  The Lovely Steph Leann just screamed loudly.  The blood that is slowly trickling from my right ear I'm sure will dry on my wife-beater t-shirt.

11:09p... Jodie Foster comes out and introduces "The Hurt Locker", an awesome, amazing movie.  Ricky Gervais, beer in hand, says, "Cheers."  Then he says, "If I offended anyone, its the beer... I love to drink as much as the next man... unless the next man is... Mel Gibson..."

Mel Gibson is here to introduce the Best Director nominees.  I miss Fun Mel Gibson.  When he's not going off on cops and fathering children with nannies, he's a great guy to watch.  The winner?  James Cameron for "Avatar".  I was expecting Kathryn Bigelow for "The Hurt Locker", but I'm kinda wondering if this is a foretelling of whats to come at Academy Awards night--Cameron winning, and "Avatar" winning Best Picture, which I'm totally opposed to... not that they will ask my opinion.

10:56p... And here is the CC DeMille Award for Lifetime Achievement, which usually takes about 20 minutes.  This one goes to Martin Scorsese.  They do a pan shot to Brenden Fraser.  Who invited that guy?

Anyway, let's talk about the movies Scorsese has done... "Goodfellas"... "Aviator"... "Raging Bull"... "Taxi Driver"... "The Color of Money"... "The Departed"... "Cape Fear"... "Casino"... "Gangs of New York"... even his crap, like "Bringing Out the Dead" was good crap.  For what its worth, I lift my coffee cup to you, Marty Scorsese.

10:52p...  Ricky Gervais digs on Halle Berry in "Catwoman" before bringing her out.  I will always like Halle Berry, if only because she actually showed up at The Razzie Awards to accept her Worst Actress Award for "Catwoman".  The Best Supporting Actor goes to... Christoph Waltz for "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children", which I predicted, because he was amazing in that movie.   As he gets his award from Halle, The Lovely Steph Leann says, "She's thinking 'please don't kiss me!'"

10:49p... Supporting Actress in TV Series, Mini Series or Movie.  "Glee"'s Jane Lynch is nominated, and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I'm gonna be so mad if 'Glee' doesn't win anything!"  Well, get mad, cause the chick from "Big Love" won.  The Lovely Steph Leann shouts, "Dang it!" 

10:48p... Team Jacob comes out, much to the delight of a million and four girls age 14 and under, to introduce "(500) Days of Summer".  I liked it.  I didn't love it.  It was cute, but it wasn't the brilliant film that I was hearing about from everyone... though its use of "You Make My Dreams Come True" by Hall and Oates might be brilliant in in of itself.

10:44p... Amy Poehler and Zack Levi come out to introduce Best Series Drama, including "Dexter", "Big Love", "House", "Mad Men" and "True Blood"... the winner?  "Mad Men".  I've seen one episode of this show, and I'm already hooked.  I'm totally getting the DVDs. 

10:39... The baddest mofo on the planet, Samuel L. Jackson, is here to introduce "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children", which is in my top ten movies of the year.  He then introduces Sophia Loren as a "real, live movie star", and she gets a standing ovation.  She looks great for 113 years old.  Those glasses are horrific, though.  "That is a shame," The Lovely Steph Leann comments.

She's here to introduce Best Foreign Language Film... Baaria... Broken Embraces... The Maid... Un Prophete... and The White Ribbon from Germany, which is going to win... and... and... and... it does.  Its about kids on the eve of some day in World War II.  That's got Oscar all over it. 

Of course, wouldn't it be interesting to see "Rather Unimpressive Illegitimate Children"--about Nazi killing Jews--and "The White Ribbon"--about German kids in World War II--go head to head. 

10:38p... Maggie Gyllenhaal reminds us to give to Haiti.  She looks ghastly. 

10:36p... Jennifer Garner, who is probably not nominated for "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past", and Ashton Kutcher, who is probably not nominated for anything, is giving out Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical--The Lovely Steph Leann claps when the guy from "Glee" is announced as a nominee.  Alec Baldwin wins, but is nowhere to be found, as he's off doing charity for the Haitian Nation.

10:33p... Ricky Gervais introduces "Rachel from Friends and that bloke from 300"... So Gerard Butler and Jennifer Aniston come out to give away Best Screenplay.   A huge catagory, all five great movies... the winner is Jason Reitman for "Up in the Air"... my favorite film from 2009.  I admit it.

10:31p... Cameron Diaz comes out and says, "THIS is the film where Meryl Streep DOES sleep with Alec Baldwin".   She's referring to "Its Complicated", of course.  Cameron Diaz hasn't been pretty or talented since the first "Charlie's Angels" movie.  Just sayin'.

10:28p... Me: So you don't like Drew's dress, huh?   The Lovely Steph Leann: NO!   Drew gives a shout out to Mo'Nique... and then gives the most honest, best, most genuine speech of the entire night.  She's flustered, she's fumbling, she's speaking 90 to nothing...  Rock on, Drew Barrymore.

Drew Barrymore:  I'm humbled and honored

The Lovely Steph Leann:  What is that thing on her hip?  Like, its bad enough on her shoulder... but her hips too?

10:24p... The "Avatar" costars are out to do the Best Actor in TV Movie or Mini-Series.  Winner?  Kevin Bacon for "Taking Chance", a movie that I had on DVR for about six months... then deleted without watching.  He was also nominated for... "The River Wild", back in the 90's, also starring... Meryl Streep.

And while we are at it, Best Actress in a TV Movie or Mini-Series.... I want Drew Barrymore to win, so The Lovely Steph Leann will go off again about Drew's dress.  The winner is... Drew Barrymore for "Grey Gardens"!  She was my favorite bad girl back in the 90s... and its her first Golden Globe win.  That's just awesome...

10:22p... Could Helen Mirran be the most attractive 83 year old in the history of the world?  Seriously.  She always looks so, so classy and uppity.  She introduces "Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire".  Now I'm depressed.

10:18p... Ricky Gervais makes a drunk Irish joke, then introduces Colin Firth, who introduces the Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical.  The winner goes to... Meryl Streep for "Julie & Julia"... yay!  The Tuch looks on, and seems proud.  The Lovely Steph Leann was rooting for Sandy Bullock in "The Proposal".

I notice that as Meryl Streep talks, the music doesn't play.  The band director is asking the show director "Do I start?" and the show director is saying, "Are you kidding?  This is Meryl Streep.  DO NOT cut off Meryl Streep..."

10:15p...  Tom Hanks:  "I'm here to introduce the movie that features Meryl Streep, and in this one she doesn't end up in bed with Alec Baldwin, but instead ends up in bed with Stanley Tucci, a step up..."  Its "Julie & Julia", which was a great film, featuring the aforementioned Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with, and a great turn by Meryl Streep.   

10:10p... Yay!  Its Amy Adams, whom I'm in love with!  The Lovely Steph Leann said, "Is she pregnant?" and I said, "Yes, but its not mine, I promise."  I got an eye roll.  Anyway, the nominees for best TV Movie or Mini Series.  The winner is "Grey Gardens", and whoever got up to accept the award turned her back to the camera, and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Oh no!  That dress is terrible!"  Then she proceeds to rip Drew Barrymore a new one for "that thing on her shoulder... and oh my lord, she's got one on her waist too!"

10:08p... The score from "Up" is nominated for Best Score, and I hope it wins... it was wonderful.  The winner?  "Up"!  Its awesome.  Its so... well, perfect.  It takes you through those first gut-wretching, hard to watch, can't look away 9 minutes of that movie.

10:05p... Cher and Christina Aguliera are in a movie together, something called "Burlesque".  They are here to do the awards for Song from a Movie.  Cher looks terrible.  Not sure she could smile if she wanted to.  Christina... not too bad.  Its been a long time, Christina.  Glad to see you back.  I was guessing "Winter" by U2, from "Brothers", was going to win, to make up for the loss a few years ago when Three 6 Mafia took home the Oscar for "Its Hard Out Here for a Pimp" over U2's song from "Gangs of New York".

Who won?  The song from "Crazy Heart", which I should have guessed.  Its a country music movie about a hard drinking country star fallen from grace.  Shoulda known.

10:03p... Here's the ever grumpy Harrison Ford.  Seriously... this guy is not only Han Solo, but also Indiana Jones, plus he was in "Witness"!  He was in "The Mosquito Coast"!  He was in "American Graffiti"!  Harrison!  You've led an incredible life.  Smile once in a while, bucky.

10:02p... Just found out that Michael C. Hall actually has cancer.  Don't I feel like a sleazebucket. 

9:59p... Best actress in a TV Series Drama... All five women in shows I've never seen.  Julianna Margulies for "The Good Wife", which I have heard is a great show.  I just don't have time for more TV shows!!!

9:57p...  Best performances in drama!  Actor in a TV Series Drama... and the winner is Michael C. Hall for "Dexter", in his cancer-like knit cap.  I remember him as the gay brother in "Six Feet Under".

9:52p... And someone who hasn't been talented or pretty since "Amost Famous" its Kate Hudson!  And here's Mrs. William H. Macy, Felicity Huffman, completely fumbling and stumbling through the teleprompter to tell us who the Hollywood Foreign Press Association actually is... we meet the president, Philip Burk, who isn't the same Philip Burk I remember from the Lambda Chi house back in 1995.  And we still don't know what the HFPA does.

9:48p... The Animated Film Award, which will either go to "Up" or "The Fabulous Mr. Fox"... I hope that Pixar is not being held back because of its previous winnings... like a "They've won so many, so let's give it to someone else" kind of mentality.  The winner?  "Up".  Ha!  I knew it!  The Lovely Steph Leann says, "Yes!!"

9:48p... I hold the personal belief that Sir Paul McCartney stopped being relevant about thirteen years ago.  Just sayin'.

9:44p... Yay!  Its Mama Gilmore and some guy that I sort of recognize.  Mama Gilmore looked better on the show.  Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series, TV Movie or Mini-Series.  Its Doogie!  Everyone loves Doogie!  The winner, though?  John Lithgow wins for "Dexter".  I don't even think I knew he was on that show until yesterday, when The Sports Guy mentioned him in a podcast that I was listening too.  They cut to Michael C. Hall, the star of "Dexter", who is sporting some sort of knit skull cap--what, does he have cancer?

9:41p... Best Actress in a TV Series Comedy or Musical.   Matthew Fox is out there with someone that I don't recognize (I think its the chick from "Modern Family"), she's trying to get out her names, and its hard to understand her.  The Lovely Steph Leann claps when the chick from Glee is mentioned as a nominee.  Toni Collette wins for "The United States of Tara", which I could have predicted as soon as that show premiered last January... Toni Collette is playing a woman with like, five personalities.  If that doesn't get you an award, I'm not sure what does.

9:38p... Let me be clear.  Mo'Nique just won an acting award.  And she's going to tell us about all the beaten and abused women out there...  and I was right.     "Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire" is a movie that I want to see.  Then again, I don't.

9:36p... Nicole Kidman looks like a wax figure.  She's here to present the award for Best Supporting Actress... Penelope Cruz is one of those chicks that I should find attractive, but don't.  Same goes for Vera Fermiga.  Not so much for Mo'Nique.  Julianne Moore and Anna Kendrick I do find attractive.  And in the "Yep, saw that coming" moment, Mo'Nique picks up the award for "Precious: Based on the Novel Push By Sapphire".  

9:34p... And he makes some pee-pee jokes... and jokes on Angelina Jolie and her 4,992 kids... and then says, "Let's get on it with, before NBC replaces me with Jay Leno."  Knew that was coming!

9:31p... Our host is Ricky Gervais, British comic and star of the British show "The Office", which is where our "The Office" is based from.  The Golden Globes is awarded from The Hollywood Foreign Press Association, which is a group that I have no clue what they are about.  Ricky comes out and takes digs at Steve Carrell, who portray's Gervais' American character.  Then he takes a dig at NBC (who doesn't). 

9:29p... And now... the Golden Globes have started.  Finally.

9:25p... The Lovely Steph Leann is still talking.  The show still hasn't started for us.  I've been careful to avoid E! Network or EW.com or Showbiz Tonight on CNN or anything else that might allude to who won what award.  So far.  Not sure how much longer I can keep this fast up.

9:15p... And now I wait for The Lovely Steph Leann to quit her yapping so we can turn on The Golden Globes Awards show, the show that started almost 2 and a half hours ago--I had high hopes that if we started at 7:30, even 8, we could fast forward through what we wanted to, and catch up to the live show.  But alas.

9:13p...  We're in!  We booked, we're all set, we have a room at All Star Sports for The Lovely Steph Leann and I, then an All Star Music Suite for Karen, Eric and the childrens.  Again... you call until you get the answer you want.  And we got the answer we wanted.  Rock on. 

8:59p... We are traveling with the cousin of The Lovely Steph Leann, Karen, and Karen's husband Eric, and their two children, Wyatt and Hannah.  Both kids are severly autistic, which is something that I know about.. but don't know about.  So, like, I don't know much about "how that works". 

8:53p... Finally, back from on hold... and our Cast Member we are talking to is named Elisa.  She rocks.  Seriously...

8:46... Still on hold

8:22pm... The Golden Globes officially started at 7pm, which is 5pm California time.  However, we've got it on DVR, and we haven't started it yet... why?  First, I had to work tonight until 7pm at The Happiest Place in the Mall.  Then, when I got off at 7pm, I had to stop by Subway to bring home some Eat Fresh for dinner.  Upon arrival at home, circa 7:30, The Lovely Steph Leann was busy as a bee putting up Christmas ornaments into their proper boxes (this is a daunting task that I usually do every year, but this year she's assisting).  I sat down, put the Eat Fresh sandwiches off to the side, fired up the laptop and pulled up a blank blogpage.

"Can you call Disney and find out rates for our March trip?"  The Lovely Steph Leann asked.  I sighed.  I stared at the remote, at the Eat Fresh sandwiches, at the computer and sighed again.  This was going to take a while. 

See, here's the thing... as much as I love my own company, the one I work for and will be a part of for at least the next 3 and 1/2 months, their reservation system for Cast Members is... well, sometimes rather incompetant.  Put it this way--most of the time, you call until you get the answer you want, and then you book it then, just like tonight.  I've talked to four Cast Members over six phone calls (the first my phone dropped out, and I threw it, and the second, I got transferred in error to the wrong person, who put me on hold for many, many minutes--which means I hung up and threw it.  I don't do well being on hold for stupid reasons.  Just sayin').  Anyway, I finally called back, and got someone now who is supposed to help me book our final trip before I leave The Happiest Place in the Mall in April.

The '09 Academy Awards

1059p... Good night, folks. Coming Tuesday? The Top Twenty Coolest Things of 2008.

1055p... And thats a wrap. "Slumdog Millionaire" goes home with like, 8 Oscars. And to end the night, we see a cool preview of movies coming up this year... and we're all pumped. Rob Downey Jr in "Sherlock Holmes", and Denzel in "The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3" and Pixar's new film "Up!" and "Terminator Salvation" and an Amelia Earhardt biography and Tarantino's new one and Amy Adams in "Night at the Museum 2" and "Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince" and Tom Hank's hair in "Angels & Demons" and "Ice Age 13" and Eddie Murphy's new bomb... rock on.

1053p... "Slumdog Millionaire" completes the Oscar domination, whether it deserved it or not. The Lovely Steph Leann finishes her night with 63 points, Mikey with 49 and I get up to 28.

1048p... Steven Spielberg comes out to not only give away Best Picture, but to introduce a montage of clips from the nominees, intersparsed with clips from other Best Picture winners and nominees (and in the case of "Saving Private Ryan", movies that should have won--it lost to "Shakespear in Love")

1046p... Sean Penn then rails against the people, the majority mind you, who voted for the ban on gay marriage in California, then shows some love to Barack Obama. Then he shows particular love to Mickey Rourke specifically.

1042p... And the Oscar goes to... Sean Penn in "Milk". The Lovely Steph Leann goes to 58 points, leaving Mikey with 44 and myself with 23. "I want to make it very clear that I know how hard I make it to appreciate me," says Sean Penn, after calling the audience commie, homo lovin' sons of guns.

1036p... Here comes the Best Actor winners, with previous winners Robert DeNiro, Ben Kingsley, Michael Douglas, Anthony Hopkins and... Adrian Brody? All those legendary actors, and Adrian Brody? What was Al Pacino doing, making another crappy-end-of-his-career movie like "88 Minutes"?

Michael Douglas, one of my favorite actors, instroduces "Frost/Nixon". Robert DeNiro discusses Sean Penn, who actually smiles. I've seen him smile three times already--I don't know what got into him. Adrian Brody discusses Richard Jenkins, a character actor that you have seen in lots and lots of movies, yet you probably can't think of any of them, only to think "I've seen that guy somewhere!"

Anthony Hopkins talks about Brad Pitt, and that leaves Ben Kingsley to discuss Mickey Rourke.

1035p... We knew Kate Winslet would win this, but that doesn't make it any less freakin' awesome. KATE KATE KATE!!!!


Here is My Dear Kate's speech at the Golden Globes in January

1032p... KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE HAS AN OSCAR!!! KATE HAS AN OSCAR!!! KATE HAS AN OSCAR!!!!!! KATE WINSLET WINS AN OSCAR!!!! KATE!!! KATE!!! KATE!!!

1025p... Now its time for Best Actress, as they show previous winners. Presenting this year is Sophie Loren, Shirley MacLaine, Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman and Marion Cotillard.

Shirley is speaking of Anne Hathaway, and it looks like Anne is about to cry. Marion is struggling to spit out English to My Dear Kate, who looks ravishing. Halle is introducing Melissa Leo, from some movie called "Frozen River", a movie that I'll never see, I'm sure. Sophie Loren, looking like a mummy, is discussing Meryl Streep, and Nicole Kidman is introducing Angelina Jolie.

1020p... She's here to give out the Best Director award, and of course, it goes to Danny Boyle, "Slumdog Millionaire". The Lovely Steph Leann approached fifty points with 48, Mikey has 39, I had 18.

1018p... Reese Witherspoon, a full member of The Ashley Judd Club, cause frankly, Reese is hot. Really, really hot.



1015p... Mikey and I were discussing Brad Pitt, and he asks me if I had seen the new trailer for Quentin Tarantino's new film, "Inglourious Basterds". Oh yes, I tell him, yes I have. And its glourious. Inglourious. Whatever...

I'd say this trailer is PG-13... the movie will most definately be Rated R. And Brad Pitt's accent rocks.


1011p... Queen Latifah, who had a great talk show that I do miss, but not as much as Ricki Lake, introduces the In Memoriam montage of people who have passed. She is singing "I'll Be Seeing You" as we see Bernie Mac, Ollie Johnston, Isaac Hayes (who gets a big applause), Ricardo Montalbon (another big applause), Van Johnson, Michael Crichton, Charlton Heston, directors Sydney Pollack and Anthony Minghella, character actor Pat Hingle and of course, Paul Newman at the end, who gets the biggest applause.

You kinda feel bad for people like Ned Taven, who no one claps for.

We were wondering if they are going to show Heath Ledger again... they showed him last year, as the Oscars in 2008 were right after he died.

1008p... I'm currently 6-14. If I were a college football team, I feel like Charlie Weis would be my coach.

1005p... Hugh Jackman is back, welcoming Liam Nieson and Frieda Pinto from... you guessed it, "Slumdog Millionaire", giving out the award for Best Ferrin Film. I went with "Waltzing with Bashir" because it was the only one I'd heard of. The winner is? "Departures" from Japan. None of us won it.

10p... Then all three sings all three songs together. Peter Gabriel is probably outside kicking small animals. Or Verne Troyer.

Zac and Alecia announces the nominees again. The winner is? "Jai Ho" from "Slumdog Millionaire." The Lovely Steph Leann runs to 43, Mikey to 34... and Yours Truly to 13.

Can I just say it... "Slumdog Millionaire" was a good film. But it is nowhere near as good as this. Not all these awards. Its supposed to be "inspiring" and "uplifting". I was neither "inspired" or "lifted up", I was just mildly entertained. Seriously.

956p... The Indian version of Jesse McCartney sings, "O Saya" from "Slumdog". Then, John Legend sings "Down to Earth". Then Indian Jesse McCartney teams with the Indian Britney, singing "Jai Ho".

950p... The montage of songs nominated for Best Score, done by the orchestra. Alecia Keyes and Zac Efron come out to announce the nominees. The winner is? A.R. Rahman for "Slumdog Millionaire".

The Lovely Steph Leann: 40
Mikey: 31
Yours Truly: 13

Best Song. Peter Gabriel, writer and singer of "Wall*E"'s song "Down to Earth" refused to perform the song at this year's ceremony because they cut all the songs down to a 1 minute version. He said that he didn't feel like it was a true sampling.

The nominees are 2 songs from "Slumdog Millionaire" sandwiching the "Wall*E" tune.

941p... Eddie Murphy (who is an Academy Award nominee, strangely enough) is out to do just that very thing... giving Jerry Lewis the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award, something about some telethon he does. I kid, I kid, I know what "Jerry's Kids" is...

..and is it bad that even though its been on, every Labor Day, my entire life (since 1966, actually), I've not seen more than four minutes collectively of that entire thing? Jerry Lewis comes out, looking like he has lost some weight, looking very hunched and old.

He is in fact 83, will be 84 in March, and he looks like he's had a recent stroke, the way he moves and talks. Resembles Kirk Douglas when Kirk came out a few years ago.

938p... I had wings last night, and cheap chinese today for lunch... I'm waiting for the Jerry Lewis Humanitarian Award to be given out, so I can go to the restroom.

937p... Its kinda like NASCAR or the PGA tour or something... at some point, no matter whether
she wins or loses the rest, The Lovely Steph Leann now has an insurmountable lead. Now can she get the final six points to take the "most points ever"? Its very, very likely.

928p... Will Smith introduces Out-Stounding Sound Editing. I chose "The Dark Knight", as did the other two in the room. The winner is? "The Dark Knight". The Lovely Steph Leann goes to 35, Mikey has 28, I have 13.

Sound Mixing. Again, I got with "The Dark Knight". Again, I miss it. "Slumdog Millionaire" wins another Oscar, en route to the big ones. We all miss it.

Will Smith: "I am still here now. Hugh must be napping."

Film Editing. I went with "The Dark Knight", playing it safe again. The winner is... "Slumdog Millionaire" The Lovely Steph Leann goes to 37, Mikey stays at 28 and I still have 13.

923p... Here comes the Sound Awards, Mixing and Editing. I chose "The Dark Knight" for both of these. Here's a kickin' montage of 2008's action movies, with Ironman, Rambo, Bond, Hancock, Hulk, Indy, Batman, the Joker, Hellboy, Speed Racer, the Transporter and many others.

Will Smith rises from the stage (and hopefully from the crap that was "Seven Pounds") to do Visual Effects. I'm so far behind now, both Mikey and The Lovely Steph Leann stopped asking what I picked. Just as well. I went with "The Dark Knight", and "Ben Button" wins. The Lovely Steph Leann has 33, Mikey has 26 and I still have 11.

917p... Documentary Short Subject. I picked "The Witness-From the Balcony of Room 306". It looks like a Civil Rights film... but... the winner is "Smile Pinki". No one got it.

24 awards, 13 given out, and I've gotten 4 right. Sheesh.


Here's what Bill Maher thinks of you and your Jesus

913p... Bill Maher comes out for Best Documentary. Mikey and I both say, "Oh geez..." at the exact same time. I absolutely despise. He is a bigot, he is a racist, and he's a freakin' liberal snob who thinks anyone who believes in any God, especially Jesus, is ignorant and stupid. So there. And he even makes an anti-God joke while onstage.

I haven't seen any of the documentaries nominated, but whichever one is most Anti-American, or Anti-Military or Anti-Dubya... that's what will win. I picked "Trouble in the Water". The winner? "Man on a Wire". Sigh. The Lovely Steph Leann has 32, Mikey has 25, I have 11.

One of the winners balances the Oscar statue on his chin.

909p... They show in the audience, Kate Winslet, Adrian Brody, Mickey Rourke, Rob Downey Jr and several others, many of which have tears, look somber or are nodding in agreement. Except for Ben Kingsley, who is blinking like he's got something in his eye.

And seriously, dare Bill Condon and the orchestra strike up the band to cut them off? They probably could have talked for 20 minutes.

901p... Here's a montage for Best Supporting Actor, which is almost a shoo-in for Heath Ledger in "The Dark Knight". Kevin Kline (winner for "A Fish Called Wanda"), Alan Arkin ("Little Miss Sunshine"), Christopher Walken ("The Deer Hunter"), Joel Grey ("Caberet") and Cuba Gooding Jr ("Jerry Maguire") all come out to present the nominees. Its cool that all of them are here, but especially Cuba--what else is he going to do? Absent is Javier Bardem, who won this last year for "No Country for Old Men."

Alan Arkin announces "Seymour Philip Hoffman". Ha! Cuba Gooding Jr announces Robert Downey Jr for "Tropic Thunder", with a "in blackface? Are you out of your mind?" Chris Walken is... well, Chris Walken. I almost expect him to offer some cham-pan-ya.



And the winner is? Heath Ledger. I'll be honest with ya... I've thought about this, and I think that Heath Ledger might have won this even if he hadn't died. He was brilliant in this film.

The Lovely Steph Leann now dominates with 31, Mikey has 24 and I finally break 10 with... 11. The Lovely Steph Leann's new goal is 42, which would tie Mikey's record score from last year.

853p... There's a musical montage now, with Beyonce and Hugh Jackman singing bits from random musicals. Not very entertaining. Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens come out, somehow working in "High School Musical", along with Amanda Seyfriend and some guy from "Mamma Mia". Boooooooring.

842p... Keeping on the 2008 movie montages, here is the one on Comedy. It features Seth Rogan and James Franco watching the comedies from last year, and then they come onstage. Here's the Oscar for "Live Action Short", of which I went with "Manon on the Asphalt". This will ensure that it won't win.

The winner is...? "Spielzeugland (Toyland)". As soon as we saw the clip, and saw that it was a Holocaust short film, Mikey and I both groan. We knew this would win. The Lovely Steph Leann picked it, and chants, "Nazi movie! Nazi movie! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

The Lovely Steph Leann has 24, Mikey still has 20, I still have 7.

838p... Jessica Biel comes out to do the "Technical Award" montage. They always get supposedly pretty chicks to do these, as Jessica Alba came out last year for it.

831p... We continue on our movie journey as Natalie Portman and Ben Stiller come out together to give away Cinematography... and Ben Stiller is dressed as Joaquin Phoenix, with the ridiculous beard, sunglasses and staring off into space. I'm not sure if the joke is all that funny to the audience, but they are laughing all through this bit.

Ben Stiller/Joaquin is randomly walking around the stage. The winner is? "Slumdog Millionaire", giving the 3 points to The Lovely Steph Leann, with 23 points. The tie is broken, as Mikey stays at 20, and I stay at 7.

825p... Robert Pattinson from "Twilight" is here, with "Mamma Mia" star Amanda Seyfried to introduce 2008's Romance Montage. Both starred in movies I hated.

822p... And finally, SJP and James Bond are still here to give away the Academy Award for Makeup. I went, again, with "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button", though at this point, I'm sorta rooting for "Hellboy II: The Golden Army". And the winner is? Me! One more point for my 7 total, while 20 for the leaders.

819p... Here comes Costume Design, as I went with "Benjamin Button" again. This time, Mikey and The Lovely Steph Leann went with "The Duchess", so can gain 2 points... and the winner is? "The Duchess". 19 points for the leaders, still 6 points for Yours Truly.

815p... The Oscars are being given out in the sequence of "doing a movie", with Screenplays first. Sarah Jessica Parker the Horse and Daniel Craig are out doing Art Direction, of which I listed "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" as the winner. And the winner is? Yay, I got it! And so did Mikey (17pts) and The Lovely Steph Leann (17pts). I have 6 points.

808p... They remain out to give the Animated Short Film, none of which I, Mikey, The Lovely Steph Leann, nor YOU, have ever seen. And the winner? "La Maison en Petits Cubes". None of us got that. The Japanese director actually says, in his acceptance speech, "Domo negato, Mr Roboto".

803p... Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black are out now to present the Best Animated Feature, which includes "Kung Fu Panda", "Bolt" and "Wall*E", which I went with the last. Actually, they aren't presenting... they are showing a 2008 "Movie Yearbook of Animation".

Says Jack Black, "I make more money doing animation than live action. I take all the money I make from Dreamworks, then bet it all on Pixar at the Academy Awards."

And the winner is... "Wall*E". Finally, I get one (4pts)! And so does Mikey (15pts) & The Lovely Steph Leann (15pts).


Best Animated Feature "Wall*E"

758p... And now for Best Adapted Screenplay... I went with "Frost/Nixon", with the theory that this will be the only Oscar this will take tonight. And I probably should have gone with "Slumdog". And the winner is? "Slumdog Millionaire" Mikey and The Lovely Steph Leann have 11 points. Yours Truly has 0.

If "Slumdog Millionaire wins Best Picture, the terrorists win.

754p... Tina Fey and Steve Martin are out, presenting the award for Best Original Screenplay... out the five movies, I've only heard of three, only seen one, that being "Wall*E". And the winner is... "Milk". Mikey and The Lovely Steph Leann now stand at 7 points, I still have zero, as I chose "Wall*E". Mikey makes a point... "The gays always win over cartoons!"

748p... And the winner is... Penelop Cruz for "Vicky Cristina Barcelona". Score 4 points for Mikey and The Lovely Steph Leann, and zero for Yours Truly. This will be a long, long time. This is a Woody Allen movie, which is why I'll probably never see it. I'm not sure I understand anything that Cruz is saying right now.

743p... So, five previous winners of Supporting Actress, and they are giving out the award this year for Supporting Actress... normally, the previous year's supporting actress gives out supporting actor, and vice versa, same for Best Actor and Best Actress, I'm only guessing that they do that to keep someone who might be nominated again for the same award giving out that award...

...but this year, instead of showing film clips, the five previous winners are actually talking about each nominee's performance. This is a fantastic twist this year.

740p... "Mickey Rourke, say whatever you like tonight... we have a 7 second delay, but if you win, we'll move to a 20 minute delay"

737p... And its really funny that he's cracking himself up, sometimes holding back a laugh while sing. He gets a standing ovation from the audience when he's done, and great laughter when he sits in Frank Langella's lap.

735p... Hugh Jackman is bringing down the house with this opening... I personally love it when they acknowledge the stars in the crowd and Hugh brings up Anne Hathaway on the stage to do a "Frost/Nixon" bit... Mikey, The Lovely Steph Leann and I are rolling here.

732p... Hugh Jackman, a member in good standing in The Lovely Steph Leann's Colin Firth Club, is hosting... and even though we didnt know how funny his opening monologue would be--he's hysterical. He quips about Kate Winslet playing a German in "The Reader", and Robert Downey Jr playing an Australian who plays a black guy in "Tropic Thunder", both nominted...

"I'm an Australian, who plays an Australian in a movie called 'Australia'... and I'm hosting."

730p... Okay, we do a scoring game here. Each catagory has a certain number of points assigned to it, with the lesser, shot-in-the-dark awards like Animated Short and Foriegn Film being 1 point, and the big ones, like picture, director and main acting awards, being 5 points. Mikey won last year, The Enchanting Nikki Brown the year before and others in years before.

And Mikey has won this award four times since we've been doing it for the last 9 years.

721p... I'll be that Penelope Cruz spends 30 minutes per day getting her unibrow under control

713p... They show Mickey Rourke (remember, we're on ABC now), and The Lovely Steph Leann says, "I have to say, this is the best I've seen Mickey Rourke look in all these award shows and [they pan down and show the gaudy white pants and pointy cowboy boots]... and never mind."

705p... Frank Langella onscreen leads to this:
Mikey: He's been in some bad, bad movies
Yours Truly: Dude! He was Skeletor!

704p... Its Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, which leads to this exchange:
Mikey: I heard they broke up
Yours Truly: I had heard that he cheated on her
Mikey: I would
Yours Truly: Me too
The Lovely Steph Leann: Michael! David!

701p... Just turned it to ABC, where Robin Roberts and some other guy are doing a 30 minute Oscar special before the show, and who pops up but Kate Winslet... she looks better on E!

659p... Kate Winslet. Love 'er.



648p... After an unhealthy, ungodly amount of Zaxby's chicken, Zaxby's bread and Thin Mints, we're ready for this show to start. Mikey and I have already ogled at Kate Winslet (The Lovely Steph Leann: "Her hair looks awesome!") and made fun of Penelope Cruz' accent, then made fun of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and a few other things.

603p... We're watching the E! Academy Awards arrival show. Here's Michael Shannon, who might be the luckiest guy on the planet. He's looks like a gorilla, he's from nowhere, he's a nobody... and in "Bug", he made out with The Goddess, and in "Revolutionary Road", he made out with Kate Winslet. How does this even happen?

603p... Amy Adams. Hot. Freakin' hot.



6pm... Welcome! Its time for the 2009 Academy Awards! Mikey just showed up, bringing in Zaxby's chicken and lotsa sauce. We're picking our catagories and filling out our Oscar ballot... for the record, I'm picking wins for Kate Winslet, my favorite actress to win Best Actress for "The Reader", and Mickey Rourke for "The Wrestler".

I'm also picking "Slumdog Millionaire" to win the directing prize and the best picture award, even though I don't think it should win either. Personally, I think that Kate should win, and either Mickey or possibly Frank Langella should win for "Frost/Nixon"... I haven't seen "The Wrestler" or "Frost/Nixon" but I heard both are just incredibly.

If Mickey Rourke wins, we all win

Speaking of Mickey... if he wins, where does his acceptance speech fall in the "No One Knows What the *#&$ Will Happen" catagory? Like, it could be boring, or unforgettable for any number of reasons.