Our holiday news desk is receiving horrible confirmation that tens of thousands have taken to what can be considered streets, we guess, to riot en masse as the population of famine-ridden Ethiopia has just learned the results of the 2011 Nathan's Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest. The impoverished nation, whose primary domestic assets are sand, burning tires and hopelessness, became unhinged upon learning that the men's champion, Joey Chestnut, consumed 62 hot dogs in 10 minutes, while the female champion, Sonia "The Black Widow" Thomas, consumed 40 in the same time period. Exiled, dissident former hot dog champion, Takeru Kobayashi, put a finger in everyone's eye by downing 69 at a separate venue just to show everyone who is really the boss. A young Ethiopian boy, we believe named Marvin, could only express his disdain for such a decadent, selfish display as 69 hot dogs is more than his entire village has eaten since Kaja-GooGoo was cool. Or at least that is what we think he said because all his voice sounded like was a bunch of 'clicks' and 'pops.' We are merely relying on our Keith Richards protocol droid, which appears to be a little fucked up on smack. Is there a God that would allow this to happen??
http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2011/07/04/2011-07-04_nathans_four_of_july_hot_dog_eating_contest_sonya_thomas_devours_competition_for.html?r=topnews
http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2011/07/04/2011-07-04_nathans_four_of_july_hot_dog_eating_contest_sonya_thomas_devours_competition_for.html?r=topnews