Upon being captured and released back into the Guam-like east coast heatwave, our editor-in-chief asserted he had "no comment, but wasn't sorry." A statement from authorities only indicates that at approximately 11:00 a.m. this morning, a mysterious, sullen, middle-aged man entered the walk-in 'beer cave' of a local beverage retail sales site. Employees were at first understanding knowing the man had made many puchases before, even though they thought it was a bit bizarre that this time he had brought a chair, a bagged lunch and a Tolstoy novel into the walk-in as well. Multiple attempts were made after lunch time to extract the man, who appeared to be 'taking a great deal of time to select his purchase.' Kind verbal requests ultimately proceeded to use of pepper spray and tear gas to extract the defiant squatter from the dark, chilly confines of where he had chosen to make his last stand as outside temperatures approached a heat index of 120. He was last seen at a local costume store allegedly trying to locate an "Ice Plant Inspector's" uniform and bogus credentials.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuN6gs0AJls&ob=av3e {Original Modern English music video-"I'll Melt With You.}