Well, Father's Day is tomorrow, and we will have some content to celebrate the good fathers {and more importantly-the good 'dads'}, but since we are a little frazzled today we thought it would be a good time to pass along this little treasure. For many years before I became a father myself, my best friend and I co-owned a private DJ service on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Two things put that business into an ongoing hiatus several years ago-when I became a father of multiple very young children, it just wasn't the best fit to be out late and giving up our Saturdays. The second thing that sucked the soul out of my desire was the unbelievably wretched music that started roughly about, and likely because of, the American Idol years. We had survived the Celine Dion and Achy-Breaky Pelvis years, but the current stuff out there is just far beyond crap.The gig was a wonderful side business, and very lucrative because we were excellent at it due to our experience and excellent business acumen-especially the high dollar wedding reception market. We hope at least some of you are still married-we started the gig around 1995, so there may have been some attrition. In fact, we were in business long enough to give 'frequent flier' discounts for people's second wedding who used us for their failed first wedding. The story begins with my partner and I doing one of the hundreds of wedding receptions we did in over a decade-this particular wedding was at a bay side Ocean City restaurant that likely is out of business, or has changed names, now. I honestly haven't been to Ocean City in 5 years or more-it is just too crowded, and now, pretty unsafe after dark. I prefer the mountains/hiking rather than getting skin cancer on a dirty beach.
Anyone who knows me can testify that I am a really nice, fair guy-unless you really push my buttons. You will see where my angry side was cultivated tomorrow as I tell my own {lack of} father stories. However, my partner was, and still is, more like Will Rogers-almost never met a man he didn't like. As a result, I was usually the 'bad cop' if somebody acted unreasonable, and he was the 'good cop' who could get the train back on the tracks with a smile, rather than throwing somebody out into the parking lot while using their face to open the door.
The gig had been a little choppy from the start because the group was drinking heavily-and weren't very good at it. They continually made very bad judgment calls as we tried to play appropriate music that their guests/elders would enjoy, while they would request obnoxious, inappropriate songs even though people were still eating dinner, and the 'older guests' had not departed. We would always cater to the kids/grandparents early, and then turn up the volume and get the dance floor shaking once the more restrained crew made their inevitable early exit. if you listened to our experience and judgment-EVERYBODY can say they had a great time.
The groom was the worst-and he appeared drunk even when we announced the wedding party when they arrived at the venue. Towards the end of the night, the groom became pathetic and almost belligerent, demanding that since he paid us-he could make us play whatever song he wanted to hear-even if it cleared the crowded dance floor we worked so hard to fill. Well, we put up with this mo-mo for over four hours and were about to close down the gig. Usually we would ask the bridal party if they desired us to stay an hour or so longer if the party was rocking, but both of us had firmly decided that this gig was over the second the advance contract expired , and we were going to go somewhere and chill out ourselves before last call.
The groom stepped up into the face of my business partner, and slurred that he expected us to stop the song playing in mid verse and play Harry Chapin's "Cat's In The Cradle" as a sing-along tribute to his only slightly less drunk father. My partner, obviously frazzled at this point, tried to be the better man and explained that the song "CITC" was actually not a very flattering song to dedicate to one's father, because even Helen Keller could listen to the lyrics and tell that the message was that of a young man who had a horrible, absent father and later his son, who selfishly blew each other off despite 'promising words.' He went so far as to quote some of the lyrics, and begged him to reconsider. Needless to say, the chowder head became more indignant-he may have even pointed at/touched my partner and insisted the song be played. My partner, now obviously in need of a cigarette break had reached his breaking point, and said WTF, we have been paid in advance, I'll play the song for this little shithead. I believe his last words to me before heading out for a smoke break were from the legendary Barbara Billingsley from "Airplane"i.e. 'Chump don't want the help-chump don't get no help.'
As I watched the display play out from behind the DJ stand, it was painfully obvious that these people may be bordering on retarded as they all locked arms and, poorly, sang along with the lyrics of the song still not realizing that the tribute was really an insult. Evidently, these nitwits thought just because the song included the lyrics "my boy was just like me" and such that this was a compliment, failing to realize the song speaks of BOTH the father and son being clueless/neglectful dickheads and was a negative commentary on their relationship. They actually did ask us to play longer, which we refused with great prejudice, as I believe my partner was flirting with an aneurysm, or possibly a manslaughter charge. We include below the song "CITC" and encourage you to listen to the message-it is what separates people who have the ability to read from those who actually have reading comprehension. And although my partner has definitely retired, I have considered taking on some gigs again-but knowing that now I have to market myself as an "oldies" DJ-and would be proud of it. May all of you have a wonderful Father's Day tomorrow, and may you have the sound judgment to request "Rumpshaker" as a dedication to your father rather than a song that is essentially calling him a douche!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s5r2spPJ8g&feature=related {Even as we post this link-we notice that the wedding idiot was not alone-the comments suggest a majority think this song is a tribute!! Unbelievable!}
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKKONgfNONU {"Rumpshaker" for shits and giggles-'All I wanna do is zoom-zoom-zoom in your boom-boom!'}