Since I was robbed off my work for the day by my computer, I walked around the house looking for something to do. Walked upstairs into my room, turned down the comforter and lay right in the middle of the bed, shut my eyes and tried to visualize about how I wished computers had feelings coz' I really wanted to insult mine so badly! I wanted to scream at it saying that it was just some squared-faced good-for-nothing moron that was pissing me off big time. Then, I felt a gentle movement on the bed. Another slow thump - on the other side of the bed. I opened up my eyes to find Kelly and Daniel laying on either side of me. Like Old Times :)
It brought me back in time to when they were small. We did this so often. It was part of our lives. We were in a different house, on a different bed , but everything else was the same. They were certainly very much younger then. I gazed at them. My Twins, I call them. They are so much alike in many ways yet there are many things where they are total opposites. Daniel is right handed whilst Kelly is left. She loves spicy food but he does not, she's a rice n curry fan but he drools over pastas and steaks. I could go on - it's a long list.
On the other hand, there are many similarities between them that I find so amazing. Top on the list that I must mention is that they're telepathic. Daniel is the sender and Kelly's the receiver. I never knew about this for the longest time, only in the last year or so. When one of them is in trouble, the other one feels it. When Kelly was admitted to hospital for chronic asthma, 2 days later Daniel went in too - with the same problem (and we all know that asthma is not contagious). There was a time when all the nurses at SJMC's paediatric ward knew my two angels, because of their frequent admissions.
They fight. Oh yes they do...about 10 times a day? They call each other all kinds of childish names but barely half an hour later you see these two hugging, sharing a joke, a story or some secret. Heck, they can even communicate in their sleep. The first time I experienced that, I had goose bumps. The conversation went something like...Kelly: "Don't put your bag here, you're messing up the place..." and Daniel responded: "This is my bag, I can put it where I want to...". And to think that they were both deep in slumberland. They are also fiercely protective over each other, which I admire.
So, as I lay on the bed with my kids, I felt a twinge of guilt. I had been too pre-occupied with work for the last couple of years to notice that they have developed into 2 good looking teenagers. They, on the other hand were in secondary school and therefore, busy with school activities, new-found friends and basically being a teenager (i.e.teenage crushes & puppy loves..)
The three of us lay there and reminisced. We talked, laughed, joked and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face. Why did time go by so fast? I wanted my kids to be kids for a long time and not grow up too soon. They literally 'Light Up My Life'. I love their presence, their company, their sense of humour (thank God they've got that) as they make me roll over and laugh ever so often. We even have 'On The Mat' sessions where we wrestle. That used to be fun but has somewhat gotten a little tedious now since both of them are taller and stronger than I am. We relate. We share the most embarassing secrets, situations and dreams. For the moment, that is! But for how long? At 14 and 15, where some teens hate to be seen with their parents, they still give us kisses, hugs and say "I love you" in the presence of their peers. But I can't hug them as long as I would like to.. Daniel once told me very politely "Mimmy, not too long, my friends are watching..." mm.. I wish I had the power over time.
They are at a very fragile age where one can either go the right way or otherwise. And so we worry. Only now do I understand what my parents meant when they said that 'parents worry about their kids at every stage of their lives'. I know I must be very careful here. It is a very delicate situation and I am indeed starting to feel the pinch of raising 2 teens. I am aware that in spite of all the love that's being showered upon them, they are sometimes bothered by the fact that they don't have the freedom of going out with friends without supervision. For the moment, they'll also never understand why their computer is monitored and controlled by me and their Dad.
It's no easy task to raise a kid today. Bad influences are everywhere and so are teens with minds of their own - who think that it's ok to do whatever they want with the opposite sex. I love pleasing Kelly and Daniel but not at the risk of them being exposed to certain things. As it is, I feel that they already know too much. Way too much. So sometimes, I am the 'bad person' here for saying 'no' to many their requests. It hurts to deny them certain privilidges like hanging out with friends in the mall or going across the shop from their school for drinks.
Since I'm on the topic, I might as well disclose my disappointment and rage at some parents who take their children for granted. They don't care who their kids mix with, what they do or where they go. I know for a fact that today's lifestyle and education are expensive,resulting in both parents (in many cases) being forced to work to earn a living. But that is not an excuse for neglecting our children, is it? And mind you, I don't work from 9-5 and I do not get off on Sundays or public holidays. I work everyday and most times, my husband and I say 'good night' to each other only about 2am after we shut the computers down. Our daily schedules or family outings are very random and can't be planned because sometimes we're on 24 hour standby for some of our very important clients. We get calls at odd hours sometimes, requesting us to attend meetings, presentations or assignment the very next day...so how do you make plans? Thankfully the kids understand this, so we try to make it up to them whenever there's an oppurtunity to do so.
It's a blessing that I work from home. I've an office in the house itself, so no matter how busy I am with work, I still have the opportunity to call the kids downstairs every now and then for hugs or just hang out with them during my short 10-minute breaks from editing. But that is not enough. I think about them frequently during the day. And here's a terrible secret that I'll confess; sometimes when I drop them off to school, I cry on the way back home. I miss them - although it's only about 6 hours before they get back. I worry about them..Too much...Like hell. When I fetch them from school and if they were to come out 5 seconds later than usual, my heart starts pounding and the tummy does flip flops. They are not particularly proud of this attitude of mine and have very often told me not to be too over paranoid. Hah! Who's talking! Did I say that I was also given strict instructions by them NOT TO DRIVE ALONE? I'm not allowed to drive alone, walk down to 7-11 (which is a mere 3 minute walk from home) without company and can't even sit outside the patio without anyone being there with me...And they grumble that I'M too over-concerned! Actually, I enjoy that. I treasure the fact that in spite of all the exciting things that's taking place in their lives, they still take an interest in my well-being - and their dad's. Over protective is the word here..Don't anyone say anything unkind about their old lady or old man, they'll put you right back in your place with their laser tongues, especially Kelly.
To those of you who are new to parenthood, enjoy the noises in your home, the mess of toys strewn about in the living room, the task of answering hundreds of silly and innocent questions thrown at you day after day by your little ones, and most of all, treasure them and make it obvious that they mean the world to you.
You know what? I just realized that I'm no longer disgusted with my computer. I'm not even gonna insult it. In fact, I'd like to say thanks for breaking down. It gave me the oppurtunity to have that wonderful moment on the bed with my two precious babies and also had some time to reflect on certain things.
As I sign off, I hope and pray that many years from today, my husband and I will be able to look at our grandchildren and say to each other "We have raised our children well".
And to all parents who've done a wonderful job out there, here's a thousand Cheers to you!
A Random Thought
Was just wondering that if Kelly and Daniel were to follow our footsteps - and that's getting married and having kids by 25 years old, in barely 10 years, Sunny and I could be Grandparents!! Amusing..
