LIES I TOLD MY LITTLE CHILDREN

I believe all parents sometimes come to a situation where they have to tell little white lies to their kids. Small innocent lies to keep the peace. Believe me, I've had my share of these when my kids were small. At most times it did me good, but there were times when it did just the opposite.

Here are some of the very popular incidences that Kelly and Daniel may probably remember:

1. When eating any fruits, I used to tell them to make sure they did not swallow any of the seeds which would result in a fruit tree growing from their stomach. Actually this is a 'turun-temurun' lie which my grandmother used to tell us when we were young.

2. Similarly, I always reminded them to be careful when they ate chewing gums. "You don't want a chewing gum plant growing out of your mouth". This somehow backfired as Daniel deliberately tried to swallow the chewing gums, hoping that a tree would grow, so that he could have chewing gums anytime he wanted - his love of chewing gums !

3. We always loved the afternoons. It was story time followed by a short nap. The three of us would lie on the bed, with me in the middle, and I would tell them a story. At the end of the story, there would always be a string of questions pertaining to my story. When I started feeling sleepy and wanted them to sleep so that I could too, I would tell them "Which one of you who sleeps first, loves me the most". 5 minutes flat - and I have two very 'sound asleep' kids on my right and on my left. And this went on every day for many years.

4. On days when I wanted to hang out with friends, I told them that "My Boss called and wants me to go to the office today". That was the easiest way I was given 'blessings' from them to leave the house for a couple of hours to meet my friends occasionally. They bought this lie for many years until they were old enough to discover that people didn't really wear jeans and casual tops to the office. Ha! That was when I started being interrogated by these two young 'officers' every time I wanted to go out.

5. Ever since I was young, my grandmother used to tell us never to play outside the house during sunset - especially when the skies were deep orange-coloured. "It's bad and you could get jaundice," she used to say. Many many years later when my kids came into my life, I used to tell them the same thing...only, I changed the facts a little, to make it more interesting. I told them that when the sky is orange, it was a sign that witches were flying around the Earth giving out big farts, hence the dirty orange colour. That kept them indoors without any arguments but they were always fascinated to see an orange sky and would stand earnestly by the windows to peek and see if they could spot any witches flying around the skies with brooms. How could anyone not love children? Sweet innocent darlings.

6. Then there was the vegetable issue. Like most kids, this 2 had their fair share of rejecting veges. I told them that people who didn't eat their veges would remain short and never grow tall. That made them scared enough and subsequently, I didn't have a problem getting them to eat their greens. One day, we were dining at a restaurant when this really 'short and stocky' waiter came to our table to take the orders. Gazing at him from head to toe, Daniel asked, loud enough for him to hear: "Mummy, why is this uncle so short? He never eat his sayur, ner?" Boy, did I wished that the ground could have opened and swallowed me up that very minute!

7. Once upon a time, I had my nose pierced. When Kelly saw me with that, she liked it and wanted to have her pierced too. I explained that it was very dangerous and every time she 'picked' her nose, it would start bleeding profusely. That put her off immediately. The very next morning when I sent her to kindergarten, she gave me a kiss, hopped off the car and walked into the school with her teacher. Just before I could drive off, she suddenly turned around, half-panicked and in her loudest voice, called out "MUMMY! PLEASE DON'T DIG YOUR NOSE TODAY, DON'T FORGET !! I know I must have looked pathetic to all the teachers. They would've been thinking that this lady does nothing but dig her nose all day.

8. We used to go to a video store often to rent tapes in the earlier days. There was always this customer there - a bald man with big eyes. In order to prevent my kids from running around the shop and touching all the stuff there, I used to whisper to the children telling them that the man is a monster and when kids make him angry, he changes into a green monster.. At least that kept them from misbehaving whenever they went into that particular store. One day however, during a visit, Kelly's 'energy batteries' must have been overcharged to the max! She kept on running around, touching every tape in the shop. Fearing that she might misplace or break something, I secretly spoke to 'monster man' and asked him to give her a fierce stare - hoping she'll get scared and stop touching the tapes. He obliged, came forward across the counter, opened his eyes as big as he could, pursed his lips and stared at her fiercely. Kelly's running came to a stop. Immediately. Phew..Relieved! Then one step, and another....she walked slowly towards the man, pointed her little finger at him and out it came: "DON'T STARE AT ME. MY MOTHER TOLD ME YOU'RE A BAD GREEN MONSTER BUT MY BROTHER AND I ARE NOT SCARED OF YOU". My legs grew weak and out of fear or embarrassment, I wanted to tell 'Monster Man' that my daughter was lying, but instead, I smiled at him, cleared my throat, dragged my kids out of the store and never went back there again. I closed my video account.

9.This is by far, the funniest of all. A friend of mine who came back from Europe brought each of her friends a big box of multi-coloured condoms..(yeah, I know!). Kelly and Daniel wanted to know what that was, so the simplest answer I could think off was 'balloons'. Yes, I told them it was balloons. One fine day however, I went out and the kids were left alone in the house with my Mum's former maid, Sally, (above pic) who was very young herself. (I must say that Sally was the cutest maid anyone could ever want.. She was very fair, very young, plump, short and  cheerful looking. She was spending the weekend with me helping me with some chores) When I got home, this was the scenario that greeted me: There were 'balloons' hanging everywhere. The three of them, (Kelly, Daniel and Sally) were happily sitting in the kitchen, blowing the condoms, filling it with water and then, hanging it by the doors, the grills, on hooks and anywhere else they could think of displaying it! Innocently, Kelly looked up at me and said: "Mummy, you wanna join us?" Cheers !